September 2020: Wabash College's Ann Taylor

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COMMENTARY

THE WABASH September 2020

ADVANCING IDEAS & INSIGHTS ABOUT TRADITIONAL WABASH, EST. 1993

Proudly Presents

THE WABASH COMMENTARY PRESENTS A WABASH COLLEGE FALL SEMESTER IN ASSOCIATION WITH COVID-19 PRODUCTIONS STARRING ANN TAYLOR SCOTT FELLER MATT TANNEY AND JIM AMIDON “ANN TAYLOR” ARTICLES INCLUDE DOUBLE MAJOR IMPLICATIONS, THE RULE(S), BLACK LAW ENFORCEMENT, AN EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW WITH ANN TAYLOR and MORE


E ditor - in - chief

Kevin Ballard-Munn ‘22 klballar22@wabash.edu

M anaging E ditor Ace Dzurovcik ‘22

mrdzurov22@wabash.edu

S taff

COMMENTARY THE WABASH CONTENTS

Casey Akers ‘21

cakers 21@ wabash . edu

Eduardo Olvera ‘22

eolvera 22@ wabash . edu

B rentin U ngar ‘22

baunger22@wabash.edu

O ther C ontributors M alcolm L ang ‘21

mtlang21@wabash.edu

T yler D anielewicz ‘23 tpdaniel23@wabash.edu

5| Acting Rational

Money well spent?

8| A Good Pastime – A Review of DOOM Eternal Warning: an article has entered the facility

9| Since Last Issue... Shorter Shares

10| The Rule(s)

And the Lord said...

12| Black & Blue

Reflections on Duality

Want to voice your concerns? Do you have a burning critique? A consonant voice to lend? Or are you just pissed at us? We publish letters to the editor:

thewabashcommentary@gmail.com

14| The Art Major

Let yourself be uncomfortable

16| COVID @Wabash

Ann Exclusive Interview

Subscription inquiries: The Wabash Commentary Post Office Box 851 Crawfordsville, IN 47933

Who We Are: The Wabash Commentary is published by the Foundation for a Traditional Wabash, Ltd., and is distributed free to Wabash Students (limit two copies per person). Donate $25.00 or more and receive a subscription! All contributions should be made payable to the “Foundation for a Traditional Wabash.” The Wabash Commentary is a member of the Indiana Collegiate Press Association (ICPA) and the Collegiate Network. Special thanks to the Intercollegiate Studies Institute, Leadership Institute, Young America’s Foundation and USBIC.

The Wabash Commentary (TWC) is a student-run journal of news and opinion dedicated to advancing ideas and insights about Traditional Wabash. Since its inception in 1993, TWC has fiercely maintained its editorial independence, free of administration or faculty control, not beholden to any social, partisan, or religious agenda. Drawing from both classical liberal and traditionalist thought, TWC’s mission is to foster rational discussion in the common pursuit of Scientiae et Virtuti, on campus and beyond.


Letter from the Editor Well, this year has definitely been interesting. That said: before bemoaning the current state of affairs, I should probably introduce myself as the newest Editor-in-Chief of TWC. If you’ve been paying attention to our recent issues, you may ask: “what happened to the last guy?” And to that, all I can say is that students are usually rewarded by their representatives for reporting facts (for instance: paper diplomas cost “about $15!”). In any case, I feel that distinguishing myself from past editors is, onthe-whole, unnecessary; I would rather let the publication speak for itself. If you’re truly interested, please consult your local Teke for more information (though be warned, TWC often entails “guilt by association”). Sardonic salutations aside, we live in a unique historical moment. The COVID-19 pandemic has devastated universities the world over; their self-professed educational programs have taken a backseat as students and professors explore the exciting new field of “technical difficulties.” The Black Lives Matter movement has dominated cityscapes and conversations in the pursuit of social justice; no more, they hope, shall the abolition of racism become a “dream deferred.” And, lest we forget, the circus that is American politics has divided the country along lines of cynicism, hysteria, and primary colors. On the whole we get the impression that Hell has frozen over—a particularly heinous conclusion, given our cultural reckoning with climate change… While attempting to come to terms with this “living history,” I’ve found that the lessons of the past can provide needed inspiration. For instance, I find that we cannot confront our uncertain future by relying on edicts, compacts, and other “temporary,” albeit unilateral, measures; discussion, not dominance, is the key to forging a path to the future. Studying precedent allows us to learn from the triumphs and tribulations of the past; and, in the case of Wabash, we have historically concerned ourselves with “rational discussion,” rather than unquestioning compliance. I refer to the words of George Valentine Kendall H‘54: “[T]he habit of Wabash is one of lively, questioning criticism, both of the college and of matters of public interest. Settling down placidly in the status quo, and restless headlong pursuit of the latest fads are the two non-thinking extremes which, in the main, our tradition has not included.” Accordingly, I feel it necessary to shepherd in a discussion of our current historical moment. We cannot surrender to our prescribed cultural zeitgeist, simply because it seems like the right thing to do. If our aim is true, and our path is just, our charted courses shall stand up to scrutiny; but, if we have erred in our judgments, we would do well to challenge ourselves and pursue a more fitting truth. Accordingly, this month’s issue of TWC asks: how do we address this unique historical moment? Ace Dzurovcik ‘22 approaches the topic through a discussion with Ann Taylor, the College’s current “COVID Czar.” Malcolm Lang ‘21 provides personal insight into the conflicts embodied by the “Black and Blue” in a time where “Lives Matter.” Brentin Ungar ‘22 expounds upon the state of social life on campus, in light of recent changes. And I explore the issue broadly, from the lens of our Gentleman’s Rule—whose “spirit” is often cited, but never exorcised. Conversations such as these weigh heavy on Wabash College, and the world, in this moment; it is our solemn duty to explore them. In closing, I’d like to emphasize three points. First, if you have any feedback, feel free to reach out. “Rational discussion” is a two-way street; Letters to the Editor, or even contributions, are always welcome. Second, remember the “thinking tradition.” Rather than blindly accepting the professed orthodoxies that define our culture, question them in the pursuit of enlightenment. And finally, always remember: the road to hell is paved with good intentions. The least we can hope for is a smooth ride.

3 The Wabash Commentary


Cheers & Jeers This is a blind copy Cheers & Jeers section from The Wabash Commentary to the community of Wabash College

Jeers to Phi Delt. Because we can. Cheers to PrezHess for jumping ship. At least the new diplomas make nice origami boats. Jeers to CampServ for removing Beta’s swimming pool. After six months it’s not a flood, it’s a feature. Cheers to the Professors. Please don’t die. Jeers to the athletes. With all your newfound free time we still expect nothing. Jeers to the Parents Page, we would say why but FERPA. Jeers to Student Housing. Are you feeling more Lego or Mega Blok? Jeers to blind copy emails. We see they took “communication” to heart. Jeers to the Deans’ thesaurus. There’s a lot of way to say “rule” in a Compact space. The Wabash Commentary 4

Jeers to the Global Health minor. Looking at the statistics we need an American Health minor. #americafirst Cheers to international students. Next time on American Politics Z: See if you can come back next year! Cheers to Zoom. Going to class hungover has never been easier. Cheers to President Feller. He’s spent so much time worrying between 3 and 4 A.M. that he became a Time Lord. Wendy can attest. Cheers to hostile takeovers. We didn’t want those food service contracts anyway. Cheers to the party ban. The hospital appreciates not having to pump high-schoolers’ stomachs (this year). Jeers to the Wabash Bubble. What happens when it pops?

Jeers to Wabash College. Give the Class of ‘20 their fucking Commencement. Cheers to the fraternities. Virtual rituals are easy when it’s all made up anyway! Jeers to the Theater Department. First they called politics a science—now it’s an art? Cheers to Dunaway’s Twitching. It’s caused a lot of Discord. @everyone Cheers to Punk Boats. Maritime law never looked so good. Jeers to Wartime Powers. When will we get those back? Cheers to masks, we didn’t want to see you anyway. Jeers to the Deans’ Office. Why can’t I put up my posters? Cheers to Dean Redding’s balls. There are quite a few for you purists.

Jeers to the fraternities. Please wear masks. Jeers to “Chapel Sing”.


Acting Rational Money well spent?

B y A ce D zurovcik | mrdzurov 22@ wabash . edu

Wabash students are thought to be intelligent gentlemen; after all, most members of our college staff call Wa-

bash the Harvard of the Midwest. Yet when it comes to getting the most out of college, fewer and fewer students are taking full advantage of the benefits doled out. These opportunities can be seen in all walks of student life, from the amount of clubs one can be involved with to the number of positions people can add to a resume during these four short years. Wabash is great, we wouldn’t come here if there were no advantages. But are students truly getting their money’s worth? The greatest strengths, and the only ones this article cares about, relate to academics. Wabash charges the same rate to every student, no matter how many classes they are taking. The guy taking 3.5 credits and the guy taking 5.5 are paying the same price. As everyone pays the same price, why would anyone take fewer classes? The student taking more classes is getting more out of his education: knowledge, skills, and certifications are expensive when taken à la carte.

[

Given the ability to take more classes and gain an extra major or minor, why do so many students stick with a singular major?

]

To compare this to the school down south, individuals can take 2.5-4.5 courses a semester for a total of $25,868.00. Yet, if they need to take more to complete a second major or fulfill other requirements, they are charged further. Below is a table for the costs of extra credits at DePauw for the 2020-21 Academic Year. This information was taken from DePauw’s website and shows that being nickel-and-dimed for education is an apparent norm.

DePauw Academic Tuition and Fee Pricing Amount of Overload/Extra Course Credit Overload Cost 1.0 course credit .75 course credit .5 course credit .25 course credit

Source: https://www.depauw.edu/academics/catalog/tuition-fees-and-expenses/ *It’s $1,617 per quarter credit, but if you take a full credit you get a one dollar discount! What a deal!

$6,467.00* $4,851.00 $3,234.00 $1,617.00

This trend extends far beyond DePauw; schools such as Indiana University and Rose-Hulman also follow this model of overcharging their students. At Wabash we are uniquely situated by the nature of our finance structure. The tuition for a Wabash semester is $22,500 this academic year, no matter how many courses you are taking. This academic and financial freedom from overcharges begs the question: why aren’t Wabash students doing more? Given the ability to take more classes and gain an extra major or minor, why do so many students stick with a singular major? Of the 179 students in the class of 2020, 160 were single majors, 17 were double majors, and 2 were triple majors. To speak plainly, single majors waste time and money by not achieving more. According to a 2016 study published by Cambridge University Press, students who double major in business and a STEM field typically earn more than 5 The Wabash Commentary


those who have just one major (https://doi.org/10.1017/bca.2016.14). While we might not have a business major (yet), positive relations are still seen in combining a liberal arts major and STEM major. The implications of the time and money spent at Wabash being a constant no matter what you do would lead to the logical conclusion of doing whatever possible to prepare for the future. If you graduate without being prepared for life after Wabash, your time was not well spent. In addition, it can be seen that double majors earn Latin honors at a higher rate than single majors. These honors can assist in getting further during the interview process or having a better chance at being accepted to graduate school. Below is a table containing the honors earned by the class of 2020. To synthesize, 41% of double majors received Latin honors, while 27% of single majors received them. From this information it can be inferred that individuals majoring in two subjects may be driven to higher degrees of success than individuals who are only majoring in a single subject. Why would this be? What causes the degree of success to be higher for those doing more? Latin Honors Summa Cum Laude Magna Cum Laude Cum Laude

Single Major 7 17 19

Andrew Rippy ‘22 is a triple major and is one of the busiest people in the junior class. I reached out to ask him about his experiences with the increased academics beyond that of being a single major and how that impacts his campus life. TWC: What are your reasons for majoring in more than one subject at Wabash? RIPPY: Specifically for the majors I’m doing, they all build into one another. TWC: And what are those three? RIPPY: Computer Science, Math, Physics. TWC: Very analytically focused! With all three being in Division 1 they must take up a lot of your time. Do you ever think that choosing to major in so many things has damaged your social experience on campus? RIPPY: Not really. I actively hang out with friends and go to parties (when they happen, just not with COVID) and I still have time for videogames and general shenanigans. I’m still part of sports, and I’m still an active brother in my house. But at times it can get pretty difficult when everything compounds. After a while you can gauge how much time certain assignments can take, and you can weigh it against going out/losing a bit of sleep. The Wabash Commentary 6

Double Major 3 4 0

Triple Major 0 1 0

TWC: Do you feel as though the amount of students double majoring should increase? RIPPY: I definitely think people should consider a second major. Most people who only have one major also get a minor, so making that minor into a major would be a marginal amount of work for a worthwhile payoff. Speaking from my own experience, students who are majoring in multiple subjects are more driven and have more skill than those who are majoring in just one. The added challenges and stress taken on voluntarily have the effect of emboldening the student to further degrees of success. Their study habits and time management skills far outpace the “regular” student. Given the benefits of being a double major or more, I found it hard to justify why someone would ever choose to do less, but then it hit me. Some people are not in college to become skilled or to be challenged academically. There are those who are here for the partying, the brotherhood aspects, and the culture. Those who are single majors may not have enough effort to do more than they are already doing, and there’s nothing wrong with that. If you truly can’t do any more than what you are accomplishing, then do that at the highest level possible. When it comes down to what you get out of your education, it really matters what you wanted in the first place. ◆


WAB-CLUE

The Curious Case of:

Who Killed Sheepskin?

Play along with the game board below!

Dean Morin in Career Services with a Freshmen Resume

Dr. Porter in Hays Hall with the Bolt Cutters

Byron in The 1832 Brew with a steaming cup of Kopi Luwak

Dr. Taylor in her lab with a Spoonful of Sugar

Someone in Trippet Hall with Whatever Happens in Trippet Hall

Scott Feller at his farm with his Constituents

Jay Allen in his center with Unreleased Minutes

David Morgan at Campus Services with a New Cleaning Initiative

Rhynies at Mudhollow with their Stained Uniforms Image Source: 2019 Wabash College Campus Master Plan

Greg Hess at IES Abroad with his “Done Deals� (Available with the Giant Steps Expansion Pack)

Dr. Cherry in Ball Theater with Apoplectic Rage

COVID got you down? Traditions under fire? Looking to do something about it? We can help! Contact the Editor at: klballar22@wabash.edu 7 The Wabash Commentary


A Good Pastime – A Review of DOOM Eternal

Warning: an article has entered the facility

B y T yler D anielewicz | tpdaniel 23@ wabash . edu

W

hile the world has been stuck at home, we have endlessly searched for ways to entertain ourselves until the pandemic blows over. For many of us, that method was video games—as they allow an escape from the cramped rooms in which we have been confined. The immersive & exploratory experience even allows for communication with friends and family, all while playing together. In order to fill their empty hours, droves of people were on the search for a good game to distract themselves. And many found their salvation in DOOM Eternal. DOOM Eternal is the sequel to DOOM, a franchise reboot that came out in 2016 after 12 years of the source material being untouched. Much like the first game, DOOM Eternal is a challenging run-and-gun first person shooter where you fight off an army of demons single-handedly to defend Earth, all while heavy metal plays in the background (thank you Mick Gordon). To say that this game can be cathartic is an understatement; who doesn’t want to indifferently mow through hordes of enemies? The game was praised upon release by major video game media outlets (IGN, Game Informer, GameSpot, etc.) for its high-speed combat, enemy variety, and balance. Yet, there was a major innovation over that wound up being rather controversial: mobility options. In Eternal, the platforming element of 2016 was turned up to eleven. Compared to the last game, where you die instantly from falling out of bounds and unlock a double jump about halfway through the game, here you start with the double jump and gain the ability to quickly dash laterally in the second mission. This allowed id Software to design areas between enemy encounters featuring large jumps, monkey bars to swing from, and walls to cling to, a major shift in design for a franchise that began without a jump button. Because of this, long-time fans of the series were quick to criticize the change. However, it allowed the game to remain interesting outside of combat, a problem the 2016 installment suffered from, thereby making the change a net positive. Eternal keeps with the tradition of the franchise by incorporating hidden collectables scattered around each level. The 2016 installament’s attempt at this suffered due to exploration between encounters being extremely boring due to lack of options. In DOOM there was no challenge, and so players quickly lost interest, often opting out of exploring altogether. Eternal’s level design created platforming challenges for the collectables, making it more obvious as to where to look for them. Many of these collectibles are found by using the newly added dash mechanic and double jumping off of specific items. In designing the game like this id Software made exploration faster and more enjoyable due to the surprisingly linear progression. These progression changes—while useful—ignore the implications the dash mechanic has in combat. DOOM’s combat was already fast-paced, but Eternal’s is made even faster with enemies like the Marauder, an enemy designed to require a dash to dodge. In this newest installment you always need to be moving, lest you be greeted by the red hue overtaking your screen to signify death is iminent. By adding the new mechanic of dashing you feel as though you are dipping and diving between the punches and projectiles the demons send at you. Even if it is just a game, the adrenaline rush is real. According to other reviewers and designers, the combat of DOOM Eternal is better than that of DOOM, and the combat is what made the 2016 installment so great in the first place. The platforming and mobility options introduced in the sequel improve sections of the game outside of combat as well, turning Eternal into the best game of the franchise thus far. If you’re interested but haven’t picked up Eternal yet, I encourage you to rip and tear and see for yourself how great the game is. And, with a third installment of the reboot franchise on its way, you’ll have something to look forward to in the coming years. ◆ The Wabash Commentary 8


Since Last Issue... Activity in Isolation

B rentin U ngar | baunger 22@ wabash . edu

The lack of activities on campus this semester, mostly due to COVID-19, is a glaring hole in the fall semester that has been the base for the traditions of Wabash life since the founding of the College. This can be seen in many forms: be it Homecoming week, tailgating, pulling all-nighters at Lilly, meeting friends at the Brew, and most importantly of all, beating DePauw for the Monon Bell. This drought of activities has been met with a few futile attempts by the powers that be to keep the student body engaged. For instance, the trivia nights’ turnout has been pitifully low. Students who attended have reported that they haven’t even gotten the “Free Wabash Swag Packs” from winning the trivia night. Another example of exercises in futility can be seen in the film nights on the mall; they attract so few students that it seems the largest group in attendance is the insects. There is a reason why these events fail: the activities don’t get people to come together as a group. Instead, they focus on the individual. This furthers the sense of isolation that Wabash students have been experiencing since the start of the pandemic, where we all had to leave campus without having the opportunity to say our goodbyes to our friends and brothers. We were stuck alone in bedrooms working the legendary Wabash course loads, without anyone who had been through the Wabash experience to hang out with and unwind from a stressful week of classes. Coming back to Wabash has only slightly helped in

removing this feeling of isolation, but with the current safety regulations students are heavily encouraged to stay hunkered down in their dorm rooms to reduce the risk of contracting COVID-19. We feel alone. To combat this feeling of isolation and to promote campus unity, the school should try to create teambased activities instead of faux-group activities. Faux-group activities are where people are semi-concentrated in communal solitude. For example, watching movies or shows over video doesn’t have the same impact, as the actions that make watching a film great are absent; side conversations and quick comments aren’t exactly viable over a call. Instead, a team-based activity the campus could engage the student body with is boat racing, where students are in teams and work together to build a cardboard boat to race in the campus pool. By using the swimming lanes it is possible to ensure that social distancing regulations and safety protocols are reached. Furthermore, the construction and racing aspects of boat races is an inclusive process as it would allow both athletic and non-athletic students to participate in the activity. Even when we aren’t dealing with COVID-19, too many activities on the campus rely on athletic prowess. This leads to a disparity in campus involvement. To fix the wound in our campus culture during COVID-19 and beyond we must look at what we can do together, and what can include everyone; these things need not be mutually exclusive. ◆

Napping Around

A ce D zurovcik | mrdzurov 22@ wabash . edu

Let’s be frank, Wabash students are sleep deprived. Sometimes it’s hard to get to class or stay awake long enough to finish assignments. In order to achieve the greatest success a short rest is often required. And this rest requires a location. When scouting out spots to slumber, the best idea is to find a dark, quiet, cool place. In particular, reducing light and noise helps most people nod off more quickly; when time is of the essence, you don’t want to waste a lot of time getting to sleep. If you’re looking to get a nap around the campus, some places are better than others! Here are our picks for the best places around: Detchon Hall Second Floor As mentioned in the last issue, Detchon’s second floor is good for more than just studying. The corner couch will allow for great dreams about endless conquest and imperialism. Goodrich Hall Third Floor It seems as though heights are a trend when it comes to napping locations. Gravity will pull you to the couches in this reading area at a rate greater than expected. Proceed with caution. The Armory When it comes to napping, sometimes it has to be longer than 20 minutes. Long nights in the Armory can be divided into the time before napping, and the time after. Be warned, should you sit upon the Orange Throne the nap may last the rest of the night! ◆

9 The Wabash Commentary


The Rule(s) And the Lord said...

B y K evin B allard -M unn | klballar 22@ wabash . edu

It is a long-standing tradition of

The Wabash Commentary to call a spade a spade. Which is to say: while we believe the English Department brings great value to the College’s operations, we also believe there is more to good administration than the ability to consult a thesaurus whenever values conflict. And in light of the many administratively enumerated compacts, agreements, regulations, requirements, mandates, procedures, guidelines, directives, restrictions, policies, standards, measures, prohibitions, instructions, guidances, asks, practices, limits, encouragements, acknowledgements, permittances, clarifications, definitions, “musts,” “you wills,” “will nots,” “do nots,” “needs,” “shoulds,” “changes,” “points to remember,” “things to remember,” “simple requirements,” “articulated sets of conditions,” “lessons we must live,” “conditions to live or learn at the College,” and (our personal favorite) “really bad ideas”—we find that the Gentleman’s Rule, as the Admissions Office’s self-proclaimed “One Rule of Conduct,” is completely and utterly dead.

COVID crisis certainly looms large, our departure from a lone “Gentleman’s Rule” is not a recent development. Regulation has been building for decades; for proof of this, look no further than the April 2004 issue of TWC, entitled “Introducing Rule #2” (regulating alcohol—truly, simpler times!). Bureaucracy builds over time, friends—and yesterday’s snowball is today’s avalanche.

Regardless, it is clear that restrictions on student behavior at Wabash have only tightened in recent years. Examples of these rules are numerous; they include everything from a decade-long prohibition on accessing rooftops and tunnels to the recent COVID-inspired limits on student activity. And while Wabash certainly had, and has far fewer restrictions than other colleges... the fact remains that calling the Gentleman’s Rule our “only rule” seems a bit disingenuous. At this point, the administration’s conception of “gentlemanly behavior” under the Rule is so broad that even the Notorious RBG (may she dissent in peace) would blush at the penumbra it casts. We are often reminded that we don’t have a painstakingly-deBefore going further, we feel the need to voice two important caveats. tailed Code of Conduct… but we are not reminded that, in describing First, the death of the Gentleman’s nothing, the Gentleman’s Rule catches Rule as our sole rule of conduct is not necessarily bad. There are times, everything. For better or worse, we such as our current cultural moment, have traded specificity for situational when specification may be justified. maneuverability; and, through various “suggestions” and “guidelines” However, our intention is not to they refuse to call “rules,” it seems our pass judgment—we merely aim to administration would rather attempt note the process, and express hope that our administration will do away to split the difference than find a new with their misleading game of “syn- balance altogether. onym soup.” And, second: while the The Wabash Commentary 10

Luckily, the wave of supplementary material surrounding our COVID-19 restrictions provides some clarity on our current interpretation of the Gentleman’s Rule. For instance, we frequently read about restrictions imposed in the “spirit of the Gentleman’s Rule.” It seems that our administration would prefer the same litmus test used for the Founding Fathers and the Constitution. Yet, we at TWC are not accustomed to believe in “spirits;” the threat of “discipline” contained within the Gentleman’s Compact betrays a far-more-direct mandate than the smoke & mirrors Gentleman’s Rule would imply. All the while, we are told that the administration trusts in us as Wabash students, and believes in the Gentleman’s Rule... but their structured conception of “shared responsibility,” which is mired in predetermined rules and marching orders, gives us no chance to prove our independent faith. We reach a point where “trust,” “responsibility,” and the “unique culture of Wabash College” become mere analogues to the banality of gentlemanliness. The spirit of the Gentleman’s Rule may be broad, but it is also fundamentally libertarian—students are trusted to self-govern, and hold themselves to the highest standard under the broadest of rules. Yet, as the adjoining page demonstrates, the “Gentleman’s Rule” has become a guise for a large number of regulations both pre- and post-COVID. So, without further ado, we present a partial list of current “non-rules” at Wabash College:


The Many Wabash Commandments PRE-COVID Thou Shalt Not live off-campus Thou Shalt Not opt out of purchasing a dining plan Thou Shalt Not access rooftops Thou Shalt Not access tunnels Thou Shalt Not park in the President’s parking spot Thou Shalt Not reserve parking in fraternity lots, or enforce said or unsaid restrictions Thou Shalt Not double-park in limited-space lots Thou Shalt Not call tow trucks Thou Shalt Not use the College seal for student government campaigns Thou Shalt Not build lofts unless meeting College specifications Thou Shalt Not host unapproved parties Thou Shalt Not own unapproved pets Thou Shalt Not block suite door Thou Shalt Not operate personal WiFi router Thou Shalt Not smoke within living units Thou Shalt Not possess weaponry Thou Shalt Not deny “requests” to meet with administrators Thou Shalt Not purchase alcohol with Student Senate funds Thou Shalt Not negotiate own food service contract Thou Shalt Not fundraise without permission Thou Shalt Not run clubs without “training” Thou Shalt Not operate club without accepting liability Thou Shalt Not pay sales tax with P-Card Thou Shalt Not remove instructional signage from Campus Services Thou Shalt Not deny private room inspections Thou Shalt Not remove signage from inside of bedroom door Thou Shalt Not post signage on outside of bedroom door Thou Shalt Not “antagonize” Campus Services employees by seeking identification Thou Shalt Not question contractors who arrive unannounced outside of working hours Thou Shalt Not “instill panic” by doing above on email distribution lists Thou Shalt Not use email distribution lists for “political advocacy,” legal or not Thou Shalt Not publicly criticize College policy on social media Thou Shalt Not hire “vulgar” artists for National Act Thou Shalt Not make parody documentaries about the Monon Bell Thou Shalt Not satirize Career Services Thou Shalt Not invite “candidates” to campus without Jim Amidon ‘87’s approval Thou Shalt Not leak information to TWC

POST-COVID Thou Shalt Not “fail to comply” with the below rules Thou Shalt Not fail to wear masks “when on campus, when around others, and in high traffic places” Thou Shalt Not fail to monitor symptoms via “COVID Pass” Thou Shalt Not fail to socially distance Thou Shalt Not fail to wash hands regularly Thou Shalt Not fail to isolate and/or quarantine Thou Shalt Not fail to support contact tracing initiatives Thou Shalt Not refuse COVID-19 testing at Wabash Thou Shalt Not receive COVID-19 testing elsewhere without notifying Wabash Thou Shalt Not return to campus without being tested for COVID-19 Thou Shalt Not arrive on campus early Thou Shalt Not arrive on campus late Thou Shalt Not receive assistance with moving in from more than two individuals Thou Shalt Not fail to fill out College forms and checklists Thou Shalt Not fail to be insured Thou Shalt Not fail to receive flu vaccine “and other vaccinations as the College directs” Thou Shalt Not discuss COVID cases on-campus due to “FERPA privacy concerns” Thou Shalt Not host guests on campus (except parents) Thou Shalt Not entertain parents on campus Thou Shalt Not meet with family without notifying “residential leaders” Thou Shalt Not carpool with windows up Thou Shalt Not operate vehicle at more than 50% seating capacity Thou Shalt Not travel off-campus without notifying CARE Team Thou Shalt Not seek residency exemption past deadline Thou Shalt Not operate cold dorms Thou Shalt Not paint walls Thou Shalt Not hang or otherwise attach objects to walls Thou Shalt Not move furniture Thou Shalt Not use kitchens in living units Thou Shalt Not schedule events without administrative approval Thou Shalt Not schedule student events indoors, unless absolutely necessary Thou Shalt Not have events with >10 attendees without tracking attendance Thou Shalt Not host large events without filing seating chart Thou Shalt Not fail to cooperate with CARE Team Thou Shalt Not fail to abide by other College standards Thou Shalt Not object to any and all changes to above Commandments

Your compliance is not only demanded, it is enforced. 11 The Wabash Commentary


Black & Blue What is it like being Black and blue? That’s the skin pigment and the uniform’s hue. Little did he know he would be defined by his clothes. With the fear they instill, rightfully so. What is it like being black and blue? This idiom symbolizes perpetual abuse. Kids, how do you feel when the cops are behind? Here, complexion is the determinant sign. What is it like being Black and blue? I suppose it depends on the career you pursue. Being Black may raise a strange dilemma. That blue uniform holds a different agenda. “A traffic stop, can be a bad exchange with cops”, The father tells his son. For he knows what can happen and the damage that can be done. He knows the teaching he has to do. To avoid his son from being black and blue.

The Wabash Commentary 12


Black & Blue Reflections on duality

B y M alcolm L ang | mtlang 21@ wabash . edu

T

his poem was constructed in my office space, eight floors up in a health department. My lunch breaks as an intern quickly turned into segments of deep thought. Two weeks removed from the initial protests in Minneapolis, I developed a sense of sadness for the tragedies that took place regarding Breonna Taylor, Ahmaud Arbery, and George Floyd. And yet, I also felt a sense of relief that I have had only one exchange with cops and my life was not threatened. I often thought of my father giving me “The Talk” two months before coming into my first year in Wabash. He knew the risk, and in some cases the burden, of being a young Black man, in a predominantly White area. The definition and protocol of a traffic stop can be quite intricate depending on the person getting stopped. As a Black man from Mississippi, and as a Correction Officer, my father was quite aware of the intricacies of law enforcement exchanges. He has been on both sides of the spectrum. He knows the motto of “Serve and Protect“ is not consistent with the actions of his counterparts. I often reflect on his allegiance to his people which operates in opposition to his allegiance to his partners in crime (in a literal sense). The demeanor and fashion he watched the news covering those protests resembled a man who lived a life of internal conflict. A battle he will have as long as he holds a badge. W. E. B. Du Bois coined the term “double consciousness” as means to describe the duality of being Black and being American. My father’s twoness serves as the burden of being a Black man and a law enforcer. Every time I wear my Black Lives Matter attire, I’m certain this is reinforcing some guilt he may have. This year was one of the first times in my life that I was compelled to see my father as a man in law enforcement, not just my father. My father discussed with me the privilege I have as a young, educated Black man. Yes, a privilege. Not only a privilege, but a responsibility. I have the opportunity to uplift and work with my people in fighting a perpetual struggle—yes, a perpetual struggle. I also can be uncomfortable. Being uncomfortable is a privilege, in itself. It fosters growth and encourages you to broaden your perspective. It was safe to say my father was speaking from experience. As a Navy veteran, he had a fair share of character building and he experienced what it is like to be out of his comfort zone. I think this has always been ingrained in me. A person of color that decides to go to a predominantly White college, in the middle of Indiana, is obviously pursuing a chance to experience new things. Wabash has played a great deal in how I view my identity as a young Black man and the role I have both in and outside the parameter of Wabash. I often think about the rallies and protests I attended this past summer with the local Black Lives Matter organization. Before each gathering and each protest, the group members perform the Assata, short for the activist, Assata Shakur. It is a motto and pledge to remind them of the predecessors who came before them fought for freedom, and that they have the same duty. “It is our duty to fight. It is our duty to win. We must love and protect one another. We have nothing to lose but our chains.” My father’s involvement within law enforcement, his words of wisdom, and his experiences with the protests over the summer have served as a template for my understanding of the role I have as a Black man in American society. I think I realized the role I must play in uplifting my people when my father gave me “The Talk” at the age of eighteen. Nearly four years later, with my Dad inching towards retirement and pursuing a life in community engagement, I can still see him holding the same responsibility that I have. It is safe to say that I have a sliver of hope. ◆

13 The Wabash Commentary


The Art Major

Let yourself be uncomfortable

B y C asey A kers | cakers 21@ wabash . edu

I had no intention of majoring in the Studio Art track

bered how Art majors in the class added their meaning when I came to Wabash College in the summer of 2017. to their work and seamlessly weaved in things that they had learned in other courses, whether science, math, I was going to be a good student and major in Classics in hopes of becoming an academic and teaching Latin or history, or physics. I started to think that I could also do this. I signed up for Performance Art again with ProfesHistory. sor Weedman and Professor Strader. My descent into the Art world of Wabash started when I was in the second semester of my freshman year. This was when I took Sculpture. This class is taught by the heavily bearded wizard known as Professor Weedman. Like most people in the class, I was using it for the Art credit required by Wabash for graduation. At this point, I had no intention of taking Art seriously or majoring in the subject. My first projects in Sculpture were trash, to say lightly. I scraped through the class with a B-. I tell you my grade to show you that even at Wabash, Art classes do not guarantee you an A or a natural GPA boost. You will have to work, and the professors expect you to learn from their lessons and show continuous growth.

Performance Art is best described as an action. For example, we know a painting is just a series of events that happened in the past. Performance is used to show those actions in the present. At the time, I did not know that I would be jumping in the deep end without first knowing how even to swim. Performance Art is still, to this day, the best class I have ever taken at Wabash. On the first day, we were asked to make a work of Performance Art in which we were given a select amount of the most random objects to work with. Not knowing anything at the time, I decided to take two paintbrushes and scrape them on the floor back and forth. I felt like a complete idiot.

So, I left my second semester thinking that I would never be back inside the Fine Arts Center, and my subpar artworks would quickly become a distant memory. However, come the first semester of my sophomore year, I found myself growing tired of classics and the ancient languages. This was no fault of the professors that teach these subjects—they remain some of my favorite faculty to this day—it was just the simple fact that I quickly experienced a burnout of the major that I thought I would always enjoy. So that semester, I decided to drop the Classics major down to a minor and try and find something else.

Performance Art gives you no training wheels. Professor Strader and Professor Weedman will throw you on the big boy bike on the very first day. If you ever want to feel extremely uncomfortable with what you are doing, as any good Wabash man should, then take an Art class. After I got my bearings in Performance Art, I realized that Art is the catch-all of liberal arts education. The Art major is one of the only majors where you will be forced to think about your interests in new and exciting ways. The Art major, not unlike many Division 1 majors, asks the student to experiment, find ideal solutions, but most importantly leave their comfort zone, which is the purpose of the liberal arts education in the first place.

This is how I came to know the Philosophy Department, and henceforth, my new major. I enjoyed the way that Philosophers use their logic and words to create the world around them. With this newfound love of learning that I found in Philosophy, I was left at the end of my third semester at Wabash, attempting to find a way to push my love of learning further. Philosophy strangely got me thinking back on my sculpture class. I remem-

Yet even if Art doesn’t sound like something you would be interested in doing, I ask you to at least attempt it. If that doesn’t work, never be afraid to participate, come to Art Gallery Openings, and if you see some weird guy with a beard doing strange things on the mall don’t call campus security, it’s just me. And I ask you to stay and help me create something new. ◆

The Wabash Commentary 14


Artistic pieces completed by Casey Akers ‘21 Right:

EAT DIRT

Left:

goop

Right:

it’s going to be okay Cottonmouth Perspective, part 4

[...I had no intention of taking Art seriously... ]

[

The Art major is one of the only majors where you will be forced to think about your interests in new and exciting ways.

]

15 The Wabash Commentary


COVID @Wabash Ann exclusive interview

B y A ce D zurovcik | mrdzurov 22@ wabash . edu

Wabash is different this year; we

all know that. A lot of us don’t know what next week looks like, let alone next semester. The College has been doing a lot to try and keep us—and themselves—safe. Who can blame them? No one wants to be in the same situation we were last semester, struggling with new technology and learning how to learn again. From an outsider’s perspective the College is doing well at this point, but I wanted to speak to someone who has been involved in the process from the start. In order to get a better sense of what is happening on campus in regards to the COVID-19 pandemic, I reached out to Ann Taylor, Chemistry professor and Special Assistant to the President. Note that the remarks have been edited for clarity. TWC: To start with questions: How are you doing? We’re five weeks into school, I was wondering how are you doing on stress? ANN TAYLOR: Fridays are good. Mondays and Tuesdays are intense, ‘cause Tuesday I have a lab. Having a full teaching load and all the COVID Stuff is a lot. TWC: Oh wow. So how many courses do you have right now? ANN: I have two lectures and two labs. TWC: That’s a lot. I’m wondering how you are [feeling] about COVID The Wabash Commentary 16

with the people on the mall and how the students and faculty have been responding? ANN: Well, I think... I think we are doing good things. And we’re going the right direction, so that’s good. I kind of anticipated that, and I think people in general have. This is what we’ve observed at a number of institutions, that you bring in people who have come from lots of different places into a group setting, and you’re gonna see a spike. Then it should come down. And that’s exactly what we’ve seen, and the key is not growing complacent, right? To not let up. TWC: Definitely. What has the college been doing to not let up? ANN: In general, we have several different things all happening, right? To start we have masks and distancing. Then we have our testing stuff, we have our hand washing; and if you’re 90% good as a community on those things, that gets to you a fairly good place. So we don’t have to be 100% but we shouldn’t back off either, like, we need to be doing them. We can’t suddenly become complacent, and be, “Ah, no, don’t need to worry about that”. TWC: It’s good that we’re doing well, but what do you worry most about? ANN: I worry about mental health for a lot of people, right. “Isolation is a form of torture;” Dr. Douglas

says that on a regular basis. And so finding ways for people to engage socially while remaining safe is a challenge. Though I’ve been really pleased with how much mask wearing I’ve seen by students on and off campus. I walk home on Wabash Avenue and I regularly meet groups of students wearing masks while they’re off campus, you know, going to Arni’s, coming back from the Kwik-E-Mart, at the Farmer’s Market… so that’s really good. TWC: That’s refreshing to hear. ANN: So—yeah. Like I’ve regularly run into them wearing masks, and that’s really good. I know [that] distancing is just hard, because it’s hard to stay apart from people. In general people are going the right direction; we’re getting better at it. TWC: Yeah. I can agree with you there. ANN: I also think we’re learning how to project a little better, so you can still talk and be six feet apart. TWC: Oh, for sure, it’s going to be so much easier to find people to act in all of the shows, now that they can actually speak and fill Ball Theater. ANN: Camp counselors, theater brats, you know. They’re now the golden children because they know how to project. TWC: Oh, we can hope. With your new role, I do have to ask: is the


Chemistry Department planning to take over Wabash? ANN: *laughs*

two, they are Dennis Krause, in Physics, and Peter Thompson. TWC: Oh, wow. That’s quite a collection of faculty. Those are the names that are well known on campus.

TWC: President Feller moved from [the] Chemistry Department to President of the College, and you moved from the Chemistry DepartANN: Yes, exactly. So yeah. We ment—well, still in the Chemistry have a strong crew. Department—but now Special Assistant and in charge of COVID. One TWC: Definitely. To continue, might even say you’re the COVID what would you say is the best thing Czar or something on the campus. you’ve seen as a professor here? ANN: *more laughter* TWC: So, is there world domination in the future, or just Wabash domination? ANN: You know, it’s interesting because there were three chemists in my group of ACE [American Council of Education] fellows. I think there is something about being willing to set up an experiment, right? All the detail work that goes into designing an experiment, conducting it, analyzing the data, and figuring out the next step. It’s also a really good administrative model, too: if you do a bunch of research, you design something, you try it out, and if it doesn’t work you say, “Alright, well let’s go back and try again.” And that scientific method approach worked pretty well, in administrative structures. And about taking over, it’s my senior colleagues, you know. The department may be a little nervous, I’d actually been nervous about our incoming class, so, if you look at faculty that came in the same year [1998]... it was Dr. Feller, me, Todd McDorman, who’s currently Dean of the College, right, Dan Rogers, who’s chairing the Music Department, um, shoot, trying to remember the other

ANN: I love how we’ve modeled the liberal arts. Our faculty and staff live out the liberal arts, people are not pigeonholed into their little specialty area. I mean, even look at—our athletic trainers have gone from being athletic trainers to COVID test managers, right? They’re taking care of all the data, and the implementation of testing plans, right? They weren’t trained to do that, but they’re taking their skills and using it in a new way, and I think our faculty do the same thing, that, you know, Dan Rogers also teaches Astronomy with Dr. Brown over in Physics, right? Like, I love working in a community where we’re actually living that out. We’re not just teaching it, we’re doing it. TWC: That’s really important, that we can have people go around and do everything they can to help out, even if it’s not their specific area of study. And, looking into your area of study, would you consider yourself more of a researcher or more of a professor? ANN: Well, we very much embrace the teacher-scholar model here, where the two things are synergistic, that your research helps your teaching and your teaching helps

your research. In the last several years as I’ve taken on more administrative duties, there are only so many hours in the day, and so what’s gotten squeezed out a little bit is the research. And that’s part of the reason why I pivoted toward more academic, you know, educational studies, because it is. It is a way that I’ve gotten really good overlap. And that lets Dr. Novak be the biochemist and, you know, use the resources and the teaching lab for his research projects, so… TWC: That’s interesting. The work you’ve done with education, with the American Council of Education, or your other articles you’ve written about helping students, I looked into them and I can see that you really care about what it is that they’re learning and how they are, physically and mentally. Given what’s going on now, where do you think that they’re struggling today? In quarantine? in other things? You mentioned mental health and isolation, but is there anything else you would suggest people be wary of when it comes to living as we do today? ANN: I think finding ways to connect... I think there’s significant concern, especially for freshmen who might not have connections on campus, for finding ways to connect with others and their classmates. Like today in Chem 111—it’s a mix of mostly freshmen and sophomores with a few upperclassmen—and my thing was, “I know you’re all sitting six feet apart, but do you know the names of the people sitting around you? Like, introduce yourself, you need to get to know each other, so let’s talk to each other, let’s start with that.” So, I’ve been trying to do “starters” at the beginning of every 17 The Wabash Commentary


class in Chem 111 to help us think about, “What are my strategies for mental health? How can I connect to other people in the class? How can I as an instructor connect to my students?” So, that’s how I’ve been starting that class. TWC: That seems very noble. Given that connection is what the students are struggling with in your eyes, where are professors struggling at the moment?

[

TWC: It has to be worth it. Just because I see them everywhere, and I don’t really know because these things were never really said: how are we supposed to clean the desks and the chairs with the yellow solution and the paper towels? Is there any specific method of how long it has to sit before things are done? ANN: So, spray it on. TWC: Okay.

ANN: The hand sanitizer is basically 60% of the non-alcohol and that kills on contact. TWC: It’s just we can’t have isopropyl alcohol in every single room on campus. ANN: Yeah, exactly, [the yellow solution] is peroxide-based, which means it’s safe, because when it breaks down it makes oxygen, so it doesn’t hurt people. And the more

This is what we’ve observed at a number of institutions, that you bring in people who have come from lots of different places into a group setting, and you’re gonna see a spike. Then it should come down. And that’s exactly what we’ve seen...

ANN: I think a lot of us are struggling just with work/life balance, because many of us have kids at home. Whose activities may or may not be happening, they may or may not be attending school, they may be doing a hybrid schedule, so they’re half there, half not, they might be at home all the time, trying to find that balance for themselves ‘cause the normal structures are not there, and that’s hard. So managing their own stress and finding that work/life balance. TWC: Would you say there is a way Wabash students can help the professors? ANN: Oh, that’s a really interesting question. I think the connections go both ways, so finding ways to make connections with faculty too matters, because I think, us seeing you succeed helps us go, “Alright, this is worth it, all the extra work is worth it.” The Wabash Commentary 18

ANN: Leave it for three minutes, and wipe it off. TWC: Gotcha. ANN: That’s it. TWC: See, I often see people just spraying it and then wiping it immediately after. ANN: Yeah… well, part of the wiping is to make sure you cover the whole thing, so if it’s wet, that’s fine…. TWC: But three minutes is what it takes for it to… ANN: To kill, yeah. For it to be what I call a “virus-secticide”, right? To kill off viruses. So… in some of the labs we have isopropyl alcohol instead, or ethanol. They kill on contact, they annihilate stuff, so they’re the other good one. TWC: Oh wow.

]

we’re seeing is, that it’s not surfaces *knocks twice on surface*, right, like we’re not hearing of “everybody who touched that doorknob is getting sick…” TWC: Yeah, it’s not the fomites, it’s the aerosol… ANN: Exactly, but, at the point where we ordered all the stuff to equip all the places, we didn’t know that, so you’re like. ”Alright, well, we’re just gonna be really clean, and maybe that means we’re not gonna get as sick this fall.” TWC: Regarding that, I’ve got a good amount of friends who are international students, and a lot of them aren’t on campus right now. I’m wondering, because I haven’t heard much of it, how has Wabash gone and attempted to accommodate these students that can’t return to campus? ANN: So, there are specific sections of courses that are designated as


all-virtual. Dan Rogers is teaching a virtual freshman tutorial, so it’s for all students who can’t come back to campus. There’s an Econ course that Eric Dunaway is teaching that’s all virtual for that reason. So if you tried to kind of line up and say to the freshmen, “Okay, here are the ones you can take…” And for students who are upperclassmen, it’s been “Alright, what classes do you need to stay on course with your major? Can we find a way for you to take that class, even if individual arrangements with professors are needed to make that happen?” And so Jon Jump and Todd McDorman spent a lot of time this summer working on that.

for other classes that doesn’t work as well. But, I think professors are trying to work with students so they can find things that work. TWC: Professors are always trying to work with students, you especially. I’ve actually heard a comparison about you recently and they’ve likened you to a modern day Mary Poppins. ANN: *laughs*

TWC: With keeping the children, the students, safe and away from harm, while still giving freedoms and providing fun. Character traits of Ms. Poppins include being compassionate, clever, pragmatic, and TWC: Going off of that, I know that magical, and it seems you have all of some of these students are required these character traits, however, the to attend classes synchronously. magic is substituted for the bioDue to their need for participation chemistry. points—or other things that they have to do in class—they therefore ANN: Yeah, I’ll take that. exist in this perpetual Twilight Zone of “Wabash Time”. And I’m wonTWC: What would you say to this dering if there’s any way to mitigate comparison? that? If students are halfway around the world, and they’re taking a class ANN: I think that’s awesome, ‘cause at their own 2 AM, they can’t really I love Mary Poppins. So, that’s… and operate with their own family. it is where we are trying really hard, and I think we’re trying as much to ANN: Yeah, and that would be keep our entire Wabash community, something where teachers can look right? We care deeply about the stuat asynchronous options. So, there dents, but we also care fiercely about are ways to use discussion boards as our faculty and our staff, right? That opposed to in class discussions. It we want everyone to be safe. So, we really depends on what the class is, care about Mr. Banks too… though. And what the purpose is. Like one of the big goals of FreshTWC: *laughs* man Tutorial is discussion, which… is actual conversation. So, finding ANN: We need him alive at the end ways to do that is important. If of the story, too. *laughs* someone was sitting in on my other Chem class, I could see them, just TWC: *laughs* As a final question, watch the Zoom lecture at your own what is the difference between a retime, and do the homework, and do striction and a rule? Because we say the problem sets, and all that, but “restriction” and “guideline,” a lot,

and at some point I’m wondering if it’s just to avoid calling them rules? ANN: Right. Well, rules seem to be much more rigid, right? And more universal. And the thing with COVID is, things keep changing, right? So… we need to adapt to what the infection level is on campus, and what new emerging science is, which means guidelines are more like guardrails, right? We’re just trying to keep things in the middle. And trying to move with how the infection is going on campus, and what new things are happening in our broader community, and science understanding. So that’s why we hesitate to use the word “rule,” because that implies something that’s rigid and fixed and the way that we’ll always be, and… it’s not always rigid and fixed, and the way it’ll always be. TWC: It’s more, say, a temporary arrangement? ANN: Yep. Exactly. We’re hoping that things will continue to improve, and we’ll be able continue to have more flexibility… but until we reach that point, we kinda gotta do what we gotta do... TWC: Speaking of things that we hope are temporary, with coronavirus restrictions as they are, do we have any ideas what Spring Break will look like at this point in time? ANN: No idea. The Wabash Commentary would like to thank Ann Taylor for her openness and willingness to answer questions. We hope that her actions regarding COVID-19 will keep Wabash safe this semester. 19 The Wabash Commentary


-ParodyHello my man, it’s me! PrezHess! The President you loved the best! (You might recall the time we fought When you parked in my special spot.)

I ride by day, I ride by night, I ride when Lora and I fight. And when I see a Wabash man, I grant to him his printed scan.

It is a fact, from COVID’s gloom, That your grad class rang out on Zoom. So I’ve employed my new free time, To give out papers as I rhyme.

You may be worried for my trek, Lest I grow sick or cause a wreck. But never fear, I’ll be okay; Death pays out my 401(k).

“Now, dear old Greg,” I hear you ask, “Why are you taking up this task? We know you loved Wabash, but, God, You work at IES Abroad!”

But, once I bless ye men of age, I’ll drag my Sharpie ‘cross your page, So when our paths can’t interlock, You’ll always have my John Hancock.

And to that fair concern I say: Job titles cannot block my way! When that bell rang and you joined ‘Bash, I found love (and tuition cash).

And so this brings me here today, To where you live, and love to stay. It speaks to all those books you read, That you’ve moved out, to Grandma’s shed!

Although you won’t get that sheepskin, Till you’re squared I cannot sleep in. Fulfillment means the world to me. (It boosts our College equity!)

And so I give this sheet to you. As proof of all those things you knew. (I speak in past tense, knowing well That with comps done, you’re out of hell).

I won’t enable mailmen’s sins— Christ’s sake, I came from Johns Hopkins! My h-index gives reach so broad, I’ve even learned to fear mail fraud!

So now that your diploma’s here, It’s time for me to disappear. These papers must soon reach your peers, Or Wabash will be in arrears.

When you enrolled, we made a deal, That in four years you’d get my spiel. And so I’ve ventured on this quest To give you men my “Sunday best.”

And thus I’ll leave, the time is right, The trustees have faith in my might. They know that I’m the only one Who swore an oath to please each son.

And so I speed down road and trail, Through wind and sleet, through snow and hail. Until on my red Vespa steed, I’ve found a home and filled a need.

COMMENTARY THE WABASH

The Wabash Commentary P.O. Box 851 Crawfordsville, IN 47933-0851 CHANGE SERVICE REQUESTED

Non Profit Org. U.S. Postage Paid Crawfordsville, IN Permit 9

But ‘till the day that need is filled, My salary can’t be rewilled. I’m President ‘till these are gone, Just ask the boss: Jim Amidon.

In Memoriam: Gregory Hess (2013-2020)


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