vol. 1 #2 July 2014 FREE
the humor and rumor "You don't stop laughing when you grow old. You grow old when you stop laughing."
of the wood river valley the weekly
Brought to you by our friends at
MOVING ON UP, OUR NEW DIGS FROM THE PUBLISHERS
county | ‘kountē |
As you can see, based on the ad sales for our first issue of The Blatant County News, we have moved into our new offices in Ketchum. Sure, it’s a little close-quartered but we’re in the middle of town and close to all the action, although we have to vacate the premises every Tuesday morning for cleaning and recycling. But so what? We’re getting things done. Our beloved advertisers have bought into the spirit of the project and have come up with some
blatant
a political and administrative division of a state, providing certain local governmental services.
ment this month, we ask bar patrons if they have ever been involved in a biting incident as the subject erupted onto the world during the World Cup last month when Luis Suarez of Uruguay took a nip out of the shoulder of an Italian opponent. In “Where Are They Now,” we update the lives of Blatant County residents today. Also, see another view of Ketchum today and yesterday in one wonderful photo from F-Stop. And, there are your regular favorite items such as “Casino Wisdom,” “Ask Dr. Spa,” “Senior Moments,” “Miscellaneous, Too,” and the column, “The Way I See It,” which may cause you to seriously doubt the sanity of the author. As a special feature this month, we pay tribute to a recently departed beloved friend, “Miss Kitty,” former manager of The Casino,
continued below
LAST WEEK’S WORD
noun
Now, here is issue number two and it is our hope that you might laugh right out loud no matter where you are at the time of your perusal – in line at the bank or a movie, filling up your gas tank, shopping for food, mowing your lawn, counseling your children, playing ball with your beloved pet or during personal bodily functions. We exist to make your life a little easier by supplying it with laughter about our valley which is like no other place in the world. This month really kicks off the summer season and we have a number of segments which you should definitely absorb. No one can really make any concrete plans without checking out what’s in the stars for you in July. Hopefully, your “Horrorscope” will be favorable for you and yours. In “The Company of Stools” seg-
very amusing ads for their businesses. Seeing their ads amidst all the humor has presented a new look to the public and has resulted in a lot of good feeling around Blatant County. And, isn’t that supposed to be what it should be here in the “summer of our content?” We’d like to thank all those who supported us in our new endeavor and to all the readers who have acknowledged to us of how much they laughed.
with an inside view from Matt Gorby, longtime bartender and personal friend of Shannon’s. So, sit back and get ready to enjoy the second issue of The Blatant County News and please pay particular attention to the ads which have become an important part of this new humor publication based on where we live. LOVE, SPA & GORBS
INSIDE HUMOR • Alan & Company Update • Tribute to Miss Kitty • Favorite Tee • Winnie the Pooh • Fourth of July is over • Road Rage • and LOTS of ads... that are funny!
adjective it was a blatant lie: flagrant, glaring, obvious, undisguised, unconcealed, open; shameless, barefaced, naked, unabashed, unashamed, unblushing, brazen.
ASK DR.
SPA
Dear Dr. Spa, The Sawtooth National Recreation Area has so many different kinds of animals for us to see and enjoy. What is your favorite? Signed, Drew Lingstalker Dear Drooling Stalker, In Blatant County, my favorites are the bi-polar bears. Love, Dr. Spa Dear Dr. Spa, We here in the school district are concerned about our children confronting strangers after school. What are your views? Signed, Concerned Republicans About Personal Offenders Dear CRAPO, As a complete stranger, I’d appreciate you telling your kids not to talk to me. Love, Dr. Spa
SN W REP RT
YES
NO
PERHAPS ✔
...hey, it snowed on June 18th.
PUN IN-10-DED! Lord, give me patience because if you give me strength then I’m going to need some bail money on the side.
The Way I See It...
INTERVIEW WITH A ROAD GUARD
For what seems like years, road construction between Ketchum and Hailey has disrupted our lives and strained our patience. In the late 1880s, it used to take an hour-and-a-half to go from Ketchum to Hailey on horseback. Now, it takes up to two hours by motor vehicle at rush hour in late afternoons. The only people we are closer to other than our families are the road guards who stop our progress. Sometimes, I just roll down the window and chat: Hi, howz it goin’? Well, it’s pretty hot. I’m dying out here.
What, for another 20 yards? Whatever, you can go ahead now.
Too bad. I’ve got my air conditioning on. Give me some of that.
What if I don’t? You’ll back up traffic.
I will if you let me go on through. I can’t. They’ll kill me if I do.
What do you care? It’s my job to keep things moving.
So, no air for you? That’s not fair.
I don’t think so. I think it’s your job to screw up my commute every day. Move on!
Now you know how I feel. I just want to get home. I wish I was home. Where’s that? Idaho Falls. So you’re up here working and taking a job from people in our valley. I just go where they tell me. I’d like to tell you where to go. It’s not my fault. Sure, you’re just following orders. That’s right. Okay, you can proceed now.
No! If you don’t I’ll call the cops and they’ll remove you. To Hailey? Probably. Okay, call them. I’ll wait here. You’ll go to jail. I’ll be out in an hour after I post a fine and I’ll make it to the dinner table faster than waiting here. I’m calling them. Fine. I’ll be waiting for them right here. But...
Nice talking to you.
THE BLATANT COUNTY NEWS® © 2014 Blatant Publishing PO Box 6626 140 Leadville Ave Ketchum, ID 83340 Phone 208-726-4376
PUBLISHER | OWNERS
Matt Gorby
PHOTOGRAPHERS Jimmy Olsen Ida Belle Gorby REPORTERS All Our Sorry Relatives ADVERTISING Don Draper The Blatant County News has never won any awards, nor do we plan to. Our only goal is to not win (or lose) any lawsuits, so please, pretty, pretty please, DO NOT sue us.
IRGO: (August 24 - September 23) V You’ll leave messages before the beep all month.
QUARIUS: (January 21 - February 19) A This month Pac Man will teach you that you can eat ghosts if you take enough pills.
ISCES: (February 20 - March 20) P Eat greasy foods all month and you won’t need lip balm.
email:
SOUPY Sales
EO: (July 24 - August 23) L July could very well be your all-time low.
APRICORN: (December 22 - January 20) C You will have trouble focusing this month because you will watch a man use a key as a Q-tip at the bus stop.
ANCER: (June 22 - July 23) C Your favorite show and life plan... The Game of Loans.
blatantcountynews@gmail.com
Chris Millspaugh
IBRA: (September 24 - October 23) L Get out there this month and over-act to everything. CORPIO: (October 24 - November 23) S This month you’ll discover that in Sun Valley, toddlers dress better than you and dogs will get their own seats at restaurants.
S AGITTARIUS: (November 24 - December 21) All your friends and family will have a sensational July. You won’t.
A RIES: (March 21 - April 20) All month you will wave at people who are waving at people behind you. T AURUS: (April 21 - May 21) If you really want to save the animals, vegetarians, stop eating all their food.
EMINI: (May 22 - June 21) G Your horrorscope: You’re gullible.
The Blatant County News is published monthly and free to the public. We welcome all comments/questions/problems/criticism. We have very large waste baskets here...
Coffee, you’re on the bench. Wine, suit up. | Keeping your job is the new raise. | I hate having a dirty house, but I hate cleaning more.
JC CORRIGAN & MATT MAHONEY
wh ere i n the
HELL are they now?
WERE: Irish Whiskeys. NOW: W orld Loner & Bar Owner
QUENTIN D’SMITH, MATT GORBY & CHAD SMITH WERE:
Elvis, Pablo, Albert. NOW: Acting, Bartending and Playing Drums with the Chili Peppers...
DICK BURKS & BUD HEANEY WERE: Big Game Hunters. NOW: Men of Leisure
S U N
V A L L E Y
WHINE
C O N S U L T A N T
BOOKS I like big books and I cannot lie. You other readers can’t deny; when a book walks in with a good plot base and a big spine in your face you get sprung. Wanna pull out your pens ‘cause you noticed that book was dense. Reading, half-rims I’m wearing. I’m hooked and I can’t stop caring. Oh, baby, I want an e-reader and a meaningful meter. My teachers tried to train me but that book you got makes me so brainy.
My girlfriend is temperamental: 10% temper, 90% mental. All my life I thought air was free, then I bought a bag of chips. Attention all drama queens: Auditions have been cancelled for today. Thanks for airing your dirty laundry on Facebook and then whining about how everyone should mind their own business.
Whining does not burn calories.
THE COMMUNITIES’
The best way to get the right answer on the Internet is not to ask a question… it’s to post the wrong answer. —Ward Cunningham, early 1980’s
SENIOR MOMENTS Where did I leave my glasses?
Damnit, I took the low road again! If you bring a veggie tray to a BBQ, the terrorists win. Don’t use the word “boo-yah” in a eulogy. We had social networks when I was a kid, too. It was called…outside. Got my mind on my money and my money on my mind, but I left them both at home. Dating Website: (For depressed people) – a map showing how to get to the sweatpants section of Wal-Mart. A wise man once said… nothing. Exercise? I thought you said “extra fries!” Well, I’ve finally reached the wonder years... Wonder where my car is parked. Wonder where I left my phone. Wonder where my glasses are. Wonder what day it is... Being an adult means never having to show your work on a math problem. It’s as easy as it sounds, kids!
IDAHO
5B PAWS N CLAWS TOP 10 REASONS TO SHOP @ 5B P n C 10 - THERE ARE MORE PET OWNERS IN HAILEY THAN THE ENTIRE HUMAN POPULATION OF CLEVELAND. 9 - THEY HAVE A CLOCK AND WILL GIVE YOU FREE ADVICE ON THE TIME OF DAY. 8 - KATE WILL POSE FOR RACY PHOTOS WITH YOUR PET. 7 - YOU'LL GET FREE COPIES OF THE IDAHO STATESMAN EVERYDAY FOR YOUR BIRD CAGE. 6 - FREE PEDS FOR YOUR OLD LISTLESS CATS. 5 - IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH MILLSPAUGHS OR SANTAS. 4 - SIGN UP FOR OUR RENT-A-PAW PLAN. 3 - DR. SPA WILL SPAY YOUR CHILD'S TEDDY BEAR. 2 - FREE DIRECTIONS TO CITY PARKS SO YOUR DOG CAN UNLOAD.
AND, THE NUMBER ONE REASON TO COME TO PAWS N CLAWS... 1- "ALA-PET," THE SELF HELP GROUP FOR PETS WITH ALCOHOLIC OWNERS.
616 SOUTH MAIN HAILEY, ID • 208-788-7888
Excuse me, ma’am, would you like for me to “taze” your shrieking child? | Don’t text and drive – just pull over until you’re done using
Advantage THE
Pick up an Advantage Card for extra savings Hailey | Ketchum | Bellevue - www.atkinsons.com
CELLAR PUB
Hey, what’s goin’ on? I’m driver #33 or whatever. Driver #56 fell on his head and is currently tending to his petunia farm. You can’t make this stuff up. Well, anyway, he asked me to do this thing or whatever in the paper for him while he recovers on the farm. I said, “Whatever, I guess I could make this stuff up.” Well, I started work driving about 3 p.m. I put down my latest conspiracy book that I was reading and drove to the airport. I went back and forth half a dozen times loading my cab each time and wishing all my fares a happy holiday. On the last trip, I could have sworn that I saw driver #56 running across the highway clutching two baskets of petunias over by Deer Creek. You can’t make this stuff up.
EXPRESS
YOUR OPINION THIS MONTH.
. • Giacobbi Square • Ketchum, Idaho
So, the rest of the night, I took people home from the bars. It was a pretty uneventful night except when I saw driver #56 at Deer Creek again. I headed to the office to do my book work. Then, I got a call from driver #56. He said that reptilian creatures were chasing him. Then, he hung up. I hope he’s all right. Whatever, I’m tired. I’m going to bed. Bye!
KETCHUM, IDAHO
“Our Life is your Vacation.” Come on down and see us. Under the Big Chair on Sun Valley Rd thecellarpub.com 208-622-3832 OPEN 4:00pm Every Day Find Us On Facebook The Cellar Pub
HEY! SLOW DOWN AND CHECK OUT OUR NEW BICYCLE SELECTIONS.
WE HAVE ALL YOUR SUMMER SPORTING GOOD NEEDS!
CARBONATE & MAIN HAILEY, ID 83333 208-788-7847 your phone. That’s what I do. I’ve been on the side of the road since the summer of 2011. | Feeling down? Punch a wind chime. | Well,
&
Then NOW
FORMALLY: “What the hell did WE used to look like?”
photo courtesy of:
digital imaging center Between the CAUSE and the CURE. Right behind Whiskey Jacques’ 251 North Washington Ave. | 208.726.3419 | www.fstopsunvalley.co It’s our intention to throw a little Blaine County history into our paper. Send some old (hopefully funny) photos and we’ll see what we can do... because we love vintage Blatant County!
MISCELLANEOUS, TOO She’s got Bette Davis thighs. Hey, I think Jake from State Farm is kinda’ hot.
our favorite t-shirt this month
The ONLY store in Ketchum where you walk in with MERCHANDISE and leave with CA$H!
Bruce Springsteen and the E-Cigarette Band. Honk if you’re hopeless. Tim keeps on slipping, slipping, and slipping off of the sofa. Wet men can’t jump. QUICK POLL: How could you? People in sleeping bags are the soft tacos of the bear world. I’ve put a lot of thought into it and I just don’t think being an adult is going to work for me.
IOWA
It’s fun to do business at
210 Sun Valley Road Ketchum 208-726-0110 ketchumpawn.com
*ask about our services.
wrap myself in bows and call me gifted | I set the oven to 180º and now it faces the wall and I can’t open the door | New home surgery
If youʼve spent all of your money on the Stools last night
COME GET A QUICK LOAN FROM
20 E Bullion Street C-3 | Hailey, Idaho 83333 (208) 788-9000 | cashtymewr2013@gmail.com Monday – Friday:10am – 6:30pm | Saturday: 9am – 4pm
gnubay your local
ebay
connection stores.ebay.com/gnumaginations-gnubay Gary Brower | g.whitworth@me.com | 530.400.4262
Experience
Fresh Bucks
this summer at the Ketchum & Hailey Farmers’ Markets! * EBT/SNAP cards will now be accepted at both Markets! * EBT/SNAP card users get a dollar for dollar match, up to $20 - becoming $40 worth of fresh, healthy food! The Wood River Farmers’ Markets run every Tuesday in Hailey & every Wednesday in Ketchum from June 10th to October 9th, 2-6pm. A collaboration with The Hunger Coalition & the Wood River Farmers’ Markets, Fresh Bucks is sponsored by:
NourishMe DL Evans Bank
QUESTION OF THE MONTH: When was the last time you were involved in a biting incident? IDA BELLE GORBY
felis catus herdus “I just got a new kitten and she is a bit of a biter. My Dad wanted to name her Toothy McChomper, but I decided that she looked like a Lavender.”
CODY LAMPL
not a typo “I have a tattoo on my shoulder that I got to cover up a bite mark delivered by one of my siblings. Ironically, it’s a tattoo of a bite mark.”
IZZY TAYLOR
acoustic goddess “Need to add something funny here... Wait, did this already go to print? Are you telling me there are 7,000 copies and there’s no actual quote? Now I’m so mad, I want to bite somebody.”
BRIAN WARD
patriotic coffee man “The last time I was in Uruguay, of course.” Were you the biter or bitee? “Now you’re asking too many questions.”
Photo Credit: Paulette Philpot
THE BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE
BARE FEET ONLY LOOK GOOD ON HIPPIES
don’t they look like models? “Look at these pearly whites. I think the question was answered before it was asked. Smirk!”
CHUY HARTMAN*
*we had to ask this question to the guy named chewy. “Playing rugby in the great country of Australia I had a run-in with my ‘opposite number’ and, after repeatedly being hit in the head with his fist, I decided to take a small nibble of his arm. He wasn’t mad, but his mom was. She had to sew the hole in his rugby shirt. This may or may not be the origin of my name. Wait until they ask a question about spiking something...” 208.726.3604 ozziesshoes.com Leadville & 4th in Ketchum
Each month the Blatant County News will ask questions of local bar patrons about pressing matters involving the county and print their reactions here.
Or, we’ll just make this stuff up...
kit: “Suture Self” | Soup is basically a food swamp | Why is the word abbreviation so long? | By the time a man realizes that maybe his
the analysis of
Pooh
crap!
wisdom
Alcoholic
Anger Issues
♣A bag of Doritos now cost $149.00 in Denver.
Anxiety Disorder
Our sincerest apologies to A.A. Milne
Major Depression
♥T he wife and I got divorced and split the house…I got the outside. ♠ All I want is enough money to lose touch with humanity. ♦ The Unhappy Hour: Drinks are priced double, there’s no music or smoking and the bartender tells you his problems.
10 OUT OF 10 DOCTORS AGREE THAT YOU SHOULD
HAVE ZINC
FOR EVERY MEAL.
ADHD
On Hallucinogens
WORKERS PLAY BASKETBALL
ZINC RESTAURANT
MANAGERS PLAY TENNIS
CEO’S PLAY GOLF
OPEN DAILY FOR DINNER AT 5:30PM 230 WALNUT AVE., KETCHUM, ID (208) 727-1800
The higher the function, the smaller the balls!
KETCHUM
Sun Valley Road & Walnut 208.726.3344 - 800.521.5379 www.tamaracksunvalley.com
MISS KITTY
STOREWIDE FULL PRICE SALE! NEW ARRIVALS EVERYDAY
NOW WITH
1960–2014
weekly at the
B A R R Y P E T E R S O N
BEDS IN EVERY
ROOM
HAPPY HOUR MONDAY - FRIDAY 5:00PM So many drink specials it will blow your mind!!!
Country Cousin of Sun Valley
HAILEY
603 North Main Street 208.578.0600 - 877.542.0600 www.woodriverinn.com
The valley’s most famous gift shop, since 1947. Everything Under the Sun! Local 5B discount every day. Big Log Cabin next to Starbucks • 726-3210 • Ketchum
Sunday: All day/night Bloody's $4, FREE POOL after 7:00pm Monday: Any shot just $3 after 7:00pm Tuesday: All drinks 2-for-1 from 7:00 - 9:00pm Wednesday: All drinks 2-for-1 from 9:00 - 11:00pm Thursday: All day/night 32oz PBR drafts just $3.50 Friday: LIVE MUSIC 9:30pm Saturday: KARAOKE DANCE NIGHT 9:30pm FREE SHUTTLE HOME on Thursday, Fri. or Sat. Night - Call Scotty 720-0332
BELLEVUE, IDAHO
father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he’s wrong | Having sex in an elevator is wrong on so many levels | What do you call
ANNUAL ALAN(S) & COMPANY CONFERENCE GEARS UP
It’s the week after the Fourth of July and that means one thing to the people of Blatant County – Alan and Company are coming to town. The big jets started coming in yesterday as some of the biggest personalities in the country will gather at Sun Valley for the annual convention of famous “Alans” from all over the world. And, as usual, the crack Blatant County News team (Matt Gorby & Chris Millspaugh) were there to cover the event.
The convention originally started in 1996 when its founder, Alan Arkin, was lounging in the Sun Valley Inn’s bar listening to Alan Pennay play the piano. Soon, he was joined by two other guests, Alan Alda and Alan Jackson, and the conversation turned to the fact that everyone in the room was named “Alan.” Later that day when they met the famous lawyer, Alan Derskowitz, a plan was formulated to invite other famous “Alans” to convene once a year at Sun Valley. The rest is history.
A few photos of the Alans attending this year:
Over the years, the number of members has grown to 487. Alda usually opens the convention at the Opera House, steps to the microphone and says, “Alan?” 487 Alans in the audience say, “Yes?” As an homage to Radar O’Reilly the artist formally known as Hawkeye closes the convention with the familiar sign-off... “That is all.”
NO SHOW Getaway Vacation @ DESPO’S Save up to $1000.00 by dining at Despo's!
Iverson sites "it’s just a practice" as the reason he's not attending the conference, but we all know it's because he spells his name Allen!
No Air Fare, No Car Rental, No Hotel, No Trinkets, No Waiting in Line, No Border Crossings. Act Now! Come to Despos to Dine!
Making kis look smart for 35 years!
211 4th St., Ketchum • Corner of 4th & Washington • 726-3068
a cheap circumcision? A rip off | I don’t know what’s up with this bottle of whiskey, but I’m going to get to the bottom of it | My printer
VINTAGE PRINT MEDIA
THAT WE LIKE
TOSSING TREASURES?
Y
es, folks, it’s annual summer cleaning time in which I go through most everything I own to see if they’re worth holding onto or to finally be discarded into the void. What fun.
Down in the basement, after much rummaging, I discovered an old trunk I hadn’t investigated in years. Here’s what I found inside: A set of house keys from homes of the past which could have come from a home in either Bellevue, Hailey, Ketchum, Warm Springs or Sun Valley – I have lived everywhere in Blaine County and loved it. In addition, there was a set of car keys to a 1981 Cadillac Seville whose transmission went awry in 2004 and I was faced with only the ability to drive forward. The reverse gear went out and I learned to select parking places ideally located at the end of a block for six months until a new vehicle was purchased. In a separate box, I discovered copies of the Country Times, a book, “It’s in the Blood,” the story of the Kilpatrick Brothers I wrote for Bud Purdy and a 1977 December issue of the Sun Valley Magazine. There was also some old tax returns, some Sam’s Club matchbooks, a “Ruth Lieder for Mayor” bumper sticker, an INEL “Stop the Shipments” sticker, a dance card from the First Ketchum Prom at The Kneadery, cocktail napkins from The Chart House, a photo of me with a rash I got at Clarendon Hot Springs and a bounced check from Jimmy Todd. Also therein were a slew of hospital bills from Boise, several Wagon Days parade entries from numerous years, dried fecal matter from the Trailing of the Sheep Parade, a “Karnac” turban and a 2 for 1 drink coupon from Mulvaney’s. At the bottom of the trunk there was a copy of “Awake”, a paid receipt from the KOA, a black, clip-on bowtie, a library card, an old Golden Rule shopping list, a “Bobo’s Greatest Hits” CD from Magic Mountain Music, a Colonel’s breakfast menu and an ancient scone from Harding’s Trail Inn. How can I throw any of these treasures away? I expect you will be faced with this dilemma when you decide to move things around this summers, as well. What, you’re going to toss out a Ketchum Open score card in perfect shape? I think not. Good luck with that summer cleaning.
Every First Lady has a pet project or charity they focus on. Michelle Obama picked fighting obesity. A noble fight if ever there was one. Politically, it impresses us. She picked the one cause where the people affected would never resist. What are we gonna do, organize a march? We would be playing right into her hands. @funnymantiefel LOOK for our August issue in, well... August! In the Weekly Sun.
Blaine County’s Original Apple Store® Hailey | Ketchum | Bellevue - www.atkinsons.com
DOCTOR DEAN
@
HAILEY CHIROPRACTIC “A laugh a day keeps the Doctor away.” Free Consultations to Everyone... All The Time. 513 N. Main St. | Hailey, ID | (208) 788-3211
It’s a little ad, because we’re a little place... ...and we're booked solid. Located at the corner of Sun Valley Rd. & Main St., Ketchum, Idaho
Open Daily at 5pm | ketchumenoteca@gmail.com | 208.928.6280
must love Bob Marley because it’s always jammin’ | Why can’t a bike stand on it’s own? Because it is two tired | Einstein developed a
MIXING IT UP ON THE FOURTH Everyone has their way of celebrating the Fourth of July. This year, my mode of enjoyment consisted of sitting in a beach chair under a large, old shade tree and throwing a rubber ball to Nathan, a black Dachshund/Labrador mix and a helluva ballplayer. In his heart, Nathan firmly believes he’s a retriever of the highest esteem. He catches every thrown missile with the grace of a gifted ballerina. His short, stubby legs pump hard down the field in the style of Lolo Jones, the Olympic track star, and he leaps and catches the ball over his shoulder while in full stride. I believe the Seattle Mariners could really use him as a backup outfielder and I feel that he could hold his own at bat equally as well as some of their hitters this season. His buddy, Jack, a true purebred Dachshund, ignores the athletic contest and busies himself digging up the large, old shade tree insisting that he will take it down by Labor Day. Later in the day, we watch the Mariners win another game while I construct an index for a family history book I’ve been working on for a week and the “boys” run up and down the stairs chasing a stuffed “dolly,” The Mariners have a really good team this season led by Robison Cano and Kyle Seager and a bunch of young talented ballplayers in their initial years who are finally coming into their own. They have five fine starting pitchers, a lights-out bullpen and mixed with timely hitting have produced a record of 48 wins and 39 losses good enough to be in third place and no longer considered the patsies of the American League West Division. This combination has produced a highly professional ball club who should compete for a playoff spot in the fall. Thus far, four members of the team have solid chances to be selected to the All Star Game, their leading pitcher, Felix Hernandez, who sports a 10 wins to 2 losses and a .211 earned run average, seems to be a shoo-in along with Seager, Cano and veteran relief pitcher, Fernando Rodney. Nathan could make the team with a strong write-in vote. Next year, I hope to get Nathan ready for Spring Training in March in Arizona. The Mariners have offered a $5000 contract for his skills. As soon as I come up with the $5000, I plan to accompany him. Jack will go with us as there are far too many cacti near the stadium and they have to be removed. Play ball.
GOT WOOD?
OUR OVENS DO! KETCHUM GRILL’S-PIZZA DIAVOLA LUNCHES WEDNESDAY – FRIDAY OUTDOOR SEATING 11:30-2 THE PERFECT MARRIAGE OF ITALY AND IDAHO RIGHT HERE BEHIND THE GRILL ITALIAN WOOD FIRED PIZZA FROM A 1956 FORD FLATBED! JOIN US FOR LUNCH THIS SUMMER OR HIRE US TO COME TO YOUR LOCATION CALL OR DROP IN 208-726-4660
THANKS FOR THE MEMORIES
When you work with a person for 20 years and all of a sudden she’s gone, a huge void appears before you. How do you fill it? Laughter has always been my go-to mechanism and, thankfully, I have this platform to shout it from. After spending almost half my life working with Shannon Beall, it amazes me how it’s only now I realize the many unsung random acts of kindness she did for her friends, employees and the community in general. A few of our readers will know what I mean. She always prefered to remain “behind the scenes” and have her “A-Team” behind the bar. Unknown to many, but admired by most who knew her, she was the epitome of the boss/friend dichotomy. With grace and poise she was able to tackle all of the day-to-day needs of a local business owner. Most importantly laughing at my horrible bartending jokes that I would practice on her. “An Irishman walks out of a bar... It could happen.” Thanks for letting me share.
theory about space… and it was about time too | Nothing says, “I’ve made poor life decisions” like having a couch in your front yard
classifieds WANTED
LOOKING FOR SOMEONE to do yard work. Must have hoolahoop. WIFE WANTED. Must be able to clean, cook, dig worms and clean fish. Must have own boat with motor. Please send photograph of motorboat.
DID YOU KNOW?
STATISTICS SHOW that teen pregnancy drops off significantly after age 25.
CORRECTION
THE CHINESE SEAFOOD Restaurant ad that ran last month was incorrect. it read . It should have read . We regret an inconvenience this may have caused.
APPLIANCES
FORK, mangled, 0.50¢. Also selling garbage disposal, used once, needs repair.
seen on the internet FOUND
DIRTY WHITE DOG. Looks like rat. It’s been out awhile. No collar. Better be a reward.
FOR SALE
COMPLETE SET OF Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 Volumes. Excellent condition. $1,000.00 or BO. No longer needed. Got married last weekend. Wife knows everything.
LOOKING
EASYGOING ATHLETIC, SM, 41 seeking SF, looks not important, but must be tall, slim and attractive. ZOMBIES SEEKING BRAINS. Braaaaaaaaaaaaains! Braaaaaaaaaaaaaaaains! Braaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaains!
NEEDED
COMING NEXT MONTH
CORRECTIONS
We’d like to profusely apologize for adding a comma on the 17th line of the article, entitled “The Way I See It.” We deeply regret the error, beg for your forgiveness and promise it will never happen again. Again, we are really very sorry. Also, a typo occurred in the Starbucks ad. We have corrected it and have thrown ourselves upon the mercy of hot lattes and Brian, the barista. Our apologies.
Investigation Report – movement of box stores into Blatant County. One on One – Interview with one of the biggest personalities in Blatant County. Blatant County News hits the national media. NFL football predictions. New businesses open in August. Sun Valley to skip autumn this fall. “No as Usual” – local business sets the record for saying “no” in one month. Ways to save money in Blatant County such as; stay at home.
“Every time you make a typo, the errorists win.”
When the lights go down in Ketchum, the spirits go down, as well. Join us for dinner Monday - Friday
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ENGLISH TUDOR needed for child of wealthy couple. Want to bring him up to our standards.
PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT
You DO NOT need to put an Obama sticker on a Prius. We. Get. It.
— Wholesome fresh food at an excellent price —
113 W. 4th St., Ketchum | 726-7703
A CHILDREN’S STORE DOWNSTAIRS GIACOBBI SQUARE IN KETCHUM 208-726-3199
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106 South Main Street Hailey, Idaho 83333 (208) 788-0848 www.janesartifacts.com A steak pun is a rare medium well done... OK if you’re reading this, you’ve read it all. Now please pass this masterpiece off to a friend.
AM I GETTING OLDER, OR IS THE SUPERMARKET PLAYING AMAZING MUSIC NOW?
SERVING, SHARING & SUPPORTING THE VALLEY FOR 54 YEARS Hailey | Ketchum | Bellevue - www.atkinsons.com