The Self-Worth Connection

Issue #87: Wellbeing Panel

I just finished reading the exceptionally thoughtprovoking panel titled “Is My Child Ready for Marriage?” Although my oldest child is still in his early teens, I came away from the article with so much insight regarding the foundations of marriage— starting with my own.

Rabbi Ezra Friedman’s explanation on how to raise a child who’s more giving was especially insightful. It turns the whole concept of becoming a giver on its head. It reminded me of something I learned at a parenting class that really resonated with me, and I’m sure many Wellspring readers will appreciate it too. The parenting teacher, who is very ehrlich and focused on instilling good middos in our children, really shocked us when she said that putting pressure on our kids to share not only doesn’t teach them to be more giving, but it can even backfire when a child feels that what he considers “his” is threatened. She went as far as to say that for a child to give up his toy is like for a woman to allow a neighbor to come into her kitchen and use it for the day. Instead, she recommended, we should model giving and speak to our kids about sharing in teachable moments, not when they’re caught in the situation.

The concept really made sense to me, but I always wondered how I could then help my kids grow into stronger givers. Rabbi Friedman’s insights on the topic gave me just what I was looking for.

Miriam D. Far Rockaway

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By Rabbi Eli Glaser, CNWC, CWMS