1. An Analogy Right There

At school, the teachers are well aware that kids learn best when we activate their vibrant imagination. With vivid meshalim, they bring profound concepts to life for even the littlest ones. At home, we’re surrounded by such reminders all the time. If we open our eyes to notice the analogies in life, we’ll find them all over in the messages Hashem keeps sending our way. Pointing them out to the kids goes a long way in crystalizing profound concepts for them.

For example, when we tell the kids they can’t have a certain food right now because it’s not healthy for them, we can finish off with this, “And that’s a mashal for when Hashem doesn’t want to give us something that isn’t good for us.” Older kids connect really well to these examples, which, our sefarim explain, is actually the reason Hashem created the concept of parents in this world: so we can emulate His ways of parenting and help children understand the concept of a Father who loves them most of all. As my eightyear-old daughter told me one night when I was tucking her in, “When you hug me like this, I feel so connected. It makes me feel not scared, no matter what happens.” What a conversation starter that can be.

For younger kids, when we pass a construction site, “Wow, that’s such a good mashal! This is what happens when we do mitzvos, we build our Olam Haba.”

Depending on the child’s age, finding analogies in this physical world and connecting them to the Real World helps cultivate a deeper ruchniyus foundation in our children.

3. Channel It Upward

2. See How He Loves Us!

Any time we feel a rush of gratitude toward any positive aspect of our life, from the very trivial like a good-tasting food to the weather to the joy of Shabbos and Yom Tov and everything in between, we can make a point of sharing our observation with the kids. “Wow, look how Hashem takes care of us—He made the line move so fast.” “See how Hashem loves us? He gave us such gorgeous weather today.” “Thank You, Hashem, that the doctor said it’s only a small infection.” “Wow, what a delicious apple. He created this especially for you!” It’s through statements like these that we turn the home into more of a mikdash me’at, ushering more of His spirit into our home and their hearts.

The other day, my kids and I were coming upstairs from the park, getting into the elevator with the stroller and play paraphernalia. As I was about to enter, the doors almost closed—with me still in the lobby, and two little kids inside. It was the handle of a doll carriage that stood in the way, saving the little ones from the fear of riding the elevator alone.

“That’s such a mashal!” I said to my eight-year-old daughter standing right near me. And she said, “So true! So true! We don’t even realize how Hashem watches over us. They don’t even know what could have happened to them now.” In the same way, I explained, Hashem orchestrates ways to spare us pain and disappointment time and again. He sends this person just at the right time, that solution, this opportunity—just when we need them.

This seemingly trivial incident served as a reminder of Hashem’s supervision in our lives, and because it happened before their eyes, it was one the kids were able to grasp and internalize.

With their hopeful spirit and untainted purity, tefillah is another concept children can relate to quite easily. Every time an opportunity arises where Divine intervention is needed (which is always!) we can utilize the moment as a chance to channel our hopes and wishes Upward. First, there are the prayers for His help. “Let’s daven that this cake should come out nice and fluffy.” “Let’s ask Hashem to help us find your shoe/ that this kid should know his test/ that her headache should heal…” Then, there are the opportunities to daven for others. When a child sees someone who’s handicapped or appears to be in a tzarah, that’s a chance to channel it Upward. “Oy, we can daven to Hashem to help Him—and thank Him that all of us are healthy.”

Often, when a child turns to us with an issue that we have no control over (which is all issues!) we have an incredible opportunity right there to acknowledge our own powerlessness and teach the child how much more helpful and comforting it would be for him to channel his hopes and dreams Upward. “I’ll do my best to help you with this, but together we can daven to Hashem for His help. He’s the One who does everything anyway.” Even better is when we summon the rest of the family and ask them to join in with the tefillah as well. And then, there’s asking the kids to daven for us. That speaks volumes of our belief in them, in their purity, in the koach of their tefillos as tinokos shel beis raban

The other day, my ten-year-old daughter said to me, “I need to chap arein this time to daven for [something she wants very much] because soon I won’t be under bas mitzvah anymore—I won’t be from the tinokos shel beis raban anymore…”

And that davening we speak of is all of one line—powerful in its own right. “Hashem, please send this person a refuah sheleimah.” “Hashem, please help Yossi do well on his bechinah today.” It’s these short, powerful moments of connection that facilitate so much bonding.

4. People of the Books

Every child loves bonding with their parent, and most of them especially enjoy when the bonding happens over an engaging book. Nowadays, we’re blessed with a plethora of visually appealing, insightful books on a wide variety of Torah topics. Telling stories or learning halachos from such sources makes the learning come alive.

In our home, we do a lot of learning at the Shabbos table with such books. My husband has taught even the really young kids hilchos Shabbos as well as hilchos berachos from a series of books that feature clear, engaging photos on every page.

Of course, contests and quizzes also go a long way in solidifying the information and putting them into practice, but books are a great first step. A visit to your local Judaica store will give you ample ideas for starting with your first learning project.

Inner Parenting

Get to Work

While this space usually takes a deeper dive into the parenting dynamic, focusing more specifically on the inner work we parents would benefit doing in a particular area of self development, this article takes a lighter approach and is more centered on practical, action-oriented suggestions. This change of style conveys a message about not only transmitting a connection to Torah to our children, but about cultivating that bond within, as well. Yiddishkeit, as we know, is a richly spiritual experience.

Our connection with Hashem is intended to fill us with so much fulfillment, joy, and pleasure. It’s about being mindful of His existence, nurturing our faith in His goodness, and so many other internal areas of development. But, and this is a big one, it is also a relationship that necessitates external action. To be a Yid at heart is simply not enough. We must do our part, as well—the practical, external facet of our service of Hashem, in order to be a true Torah Yid. True, it’s about forging a relationship, which is a deeply emotional, internal endeavor, but in Yiddishkeit, one important way to do so is through actually observing the mitzvos. Wisdom, the inner part of the connection, is exponentially important. But, as Rabi Chanina ben Dosa notes in Avos (3:10), “One whose deeds exceed his wisdom, his wisdom endures.”

We’re So Excited! For What?

Every year before Shavuos, we hang a huge colored banner across our dinette wall. The lashon kodesh words, “Ki haTorah koleles kol hatovos sheba’olam,” (Ohr Hachaim, Devarim 26:13) are written in large, bold letters, with a drawing of a Torah scroll at the center. All around the Torah are flowers and on the top of the banner are the words “We Are So Excited!” Besides for the fun I had drawing this sign (the best part is my kids still think I’m an artist :)) we had such fun filling in the flowers with text of all the beautiful things in life we have because of Torah. Whenever the kids think of another positive way in which Torah impacts their life (each one according to their age and understanding) we add it to the sign.

Never Too Early

While a child’s cognitive development only happens over time, and a young child obviously won’t grasp a deep concept the way an adult would, I learned from one of my foremost teachers in chinuch, Mrs. Tammy Karmel, that they understand a lot more than we’re accustomed to think, especially in the area of avodas Hashem. After all, when we speak to a child of ruchniyus matters, we’re speaking to their neshamah, an entity that surpasses the bounds of time and age. When I first attended Tammy’s inspirational classes (at that point, her illness of ALS had not yet progressed to ravage her faculty of speech), my oldest child was all but three years old. And with her encouragement, I started opening meaningful conversations with him—and my even younger daughter—on concepts like Hashem’s love for us, bashert, etc., bringing Him into our day-to-day discussions. It was an incredible experience to watch how much they actually absorbed. It’s never too early, I learned, to bring the knowledge and lingo into their consciousness. They grasp it in their own simplistic way, but they grasp it good and well.

Here’s a case in point. The other day, I brought home our first bag of nectarines for the season. The kids were excited to enjoy their first taste of this springtime treat, but the fruits weren’t yet ripe. “The produce seller told me this needs another two days or so,” I told the kids, “but we can always daven. Maybe Hashem will speed up the process!” And so they did.

The next morning, it was the first thing they checked when they entered the kitchen. “It’s ripe!” the little ones exclaimed. “Hashem listened to our tefillos!” When my three-year-old daughter heard this, she came over to me and said, “Look how Hashem loves the Friedmans! Now we can daven for other families that their nectarines should get ripe faster too.”

In addition to her work as a writer, teacher, and counselor, Mrs. Shiffy Friedman is the founding director of LAHAV, an initiative that spreads awareness about the pathways to connection, contentment, and inner peace through Torah. To receive her free thought-provoking messages on the topic or to learn more about LAHAV, please write to info@lahavinitiative.org. For more information about her upcoming Zoom/telephone shiur on coming to Shavuos with more joy and appreciation for Torah, please write to the email address above or visit the LAHAV website at www.lahavinitiative.org

MAY 2023 / IYAR 5783 /