The Wild Woman Magazine Vol. I Way Maker Edition

W+W W+W THE WILD WOMAN

THE WILD WOMAN

F I R E S TA R T E R S

RAISING WILD

WITH WOMEN LEADERS

TELL ALL

honest conversations

moms get real and

LEAN IN

one survivor’s story

OF COURAGE & LEADERSHIP

on i t i d E r e k a M Way

FALLING IN LOVE

V I N TA G E M A R K E T

T IPS&TR ICKS

T E L L +A L L

with your home

show girls

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LEAVING WHEN

it’s good

C O U R A G E

&

RISK

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THE WILD WOMAN LI NDSAY MCPHAIL Editor In Chief JENNA BE NTON Senior Editor CI NDY CONNE R Senior Editor DANNY HAL L Photography/Photo Editor LAHNA GR AHAM Photo Editor LA CE Y F AR BE R Contributing Editor CONTR IBU TOR S Gena Hansen, Tami Farrell, Lauren Mullen, Emily Jacobs, Nina Pepin, Shenitta Kinney COPY E DITOR S Jill Garner, Linda Olson PHO T O GRAPHY CONTR IBUTOR S Erica Ritchie, Courtney Coker, Ike & Tash Photography W W W .T H E W I LD W OMANMAGAZINE.COM email: info@thewildwomanmagazine.com The Wild Woman Magazine ©2018. All rights reserved. Reproduction of any material from this issue in part or in whole is strictly prohibited.

TA B L E O F C O N T E N T S

E DITOR ’S THE AR T Showing Up

L E T T E R OF

pg 05 pg 14

F I R E S T A R T E R S The Cost of Leadership

pg 20

V I G I L A N T E Kindness

pg 42

R AISING WILD Moms Getting Real

pg 48

L E A N I N G I N pg 60 One Survivor’s Story K N I T T E D pg 64 Knockers R I S E U P pg 72 Liberation, Hope & Legacy A V O I C E pg 76 In The Wild MAKING THE For Others: 10 Tips

WAY

pg 81

EDITOR’S

I

L E T T E R

am where I am because of the generosity of so many who have gone before me. From a strong, hard working, compassionate mother who told me I could be anything I want to be, to an Ag teacher who challenged me to go beyond my comfort zone and thrive on adversity. Seven years ago our family was given a home on national TV built by our community, paving the way for so much I never could have dreamed of.

We’ve filled the pages of this issue with story after story of women stepping up and paving the way for others to live their best lives. Some acts are huge and outwardly heroic, some are more organic in nature and seemingly small, but equally important.

Our hearts this time around are not only to highlight those paving the way for others, but also to make a way for you, our reader, to take a step or 12 closer to what lights your soul on fire. We believe by sharing vulnerably and transparently, you will see the reality of

following your dreams, the bad with the good.

By exposing the hard stuff with the amazing, we are casting a more accurate picture of real life heroism and breaking off the lie that only certain people can lead, dream, risk or make the way for others. As you dive into these pages I challenge you to look inside and ask yourself where you have given up or shied away, and I invite you to take hold of the courage that’s already inside of you. It’s your turn. What will you do with it?

“I bless your spirit in this new hour. I bless you with taking hold of something new: a fresh, new way you have never been before, a fresh plan you have not imagined, a fresh new season you could not envision.” -Jan Elkins, Book of Blessings Stay Wild,

Lindsay McPhail

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: @thewildwomanmagazine

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BE AFRAID AND DO IT ANYWAY. TELL YOUR FRIENDS YOU’RE AFRAID BUT DON’T LET IT STOP YOU. BE GRATEFUL. GRATITUDE KEEPS FEAR AWAY. BE PRESENT. STAY IN THE MOMENT, NOT BEHIND OR AHEAD. BE LOVING, GIVE IT FREELY AND WITH JOY. BE FORGIVING, TO YOURSELF AND TO OTHERS.

W+W MAGAZINE Photo By Danny Hall

NATURALLY WILD

K R I S T Y

I

L A S C H O B E R

have so much to be grateful for. Last year I was released from a 5-year sentence in a maximum security federal prison, which facilitated a huge shift in my life. For more than 4 years, every day I asked myself, “How did I get here?” It was unfathomable. I am smart, capable and came from a loving family.

of my comfort zone, taking a deep breath and then walking a few steps further. That’s where the magic happens. It’s scary out there on the edge, but when I say I am afraid and still move forward, I feel alive. I love saying hi to strangers. When I smile at someone on a run and they give me a high five it touches something deep in my heart and it expands even more.

I was born with disabilities which required many surgeries and pain medications. I relied on opioids, for not only physical pain but also emotional pain, like fear and sadness. Looking back, I realize now that I ignored my body and my emotions, and pushed forward with a smile on my face. I was considered strong and I was proud of it.

The problem was, I didn’t know how to get back to myself. I didn’t know who I was, what I stood for or what I felt. During that time, it was irrelevant because surviving was most important. Fast forward through years of addiction and living a life I knew wasn’t me, I became buried in shame. A shameful lifestyle led me to prison and I was alone, at the very rock bottom of life-- sitting with myself.

When I am approached with an opportunity, I will never automatically say no. Now, it’s always a yes, because so many wonderful things come from new encounters, jobs, and friendships that I wasn’t expecting. I don’t want to miss out on anything. If I need help, I’ll ask for it. Thankfully, I no longer see asking for help as a weakness. It builds ultimate connections and keeps me humble. Every day I try to make a way for others to share their struggles so they know that they are not alone. Secrets breed shame, but when we talk about our secrets, shame dissipates. I love that! Now that I am back in school, I get so much joy from building up and encouraging young women. I love reminding them that they are awesome, that they should ask for help because they are worth getting help, and self-doubt is the number one enemy of any student.

I realized that I had a choice and the future was up to me. Through tears and grit I searched for Kristy and we’ve been getting to know each other ever since. I really like her. She is a wild woman who is no longer afraid to be vulnerable. In fact, that’s what connects me to other women. I feel alive when I can connect honestly and authentically.

I am moving forward, never stagnant, looking ahead while my arms are reaching out. Reaching ahead to people that can help me, to my side for others working with me. But my favorite is when my arms are stretched out behind me, to encourage, support, and love on those who don’t quite believe in themselves yet. I will believe in them until they do.

I’m constantly expanding my circle, walking to the edge

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“We need to get back to that place where we give ourselves permission to dream and to risk and to fail. We need to find a way to not let the gatekeepers of the world block us from the places we have been called to.�

g n i d l i w e R TON

BEN A N N E J

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W+W MAGAZINE Photo By Danny Hall

M

y heart pounded. The room of aspiring writers was silent while Delores, a well-known editor, took a sip of her coffee. She set it down on the table and sighed

dramatically.

“That,” she said to me slowly. “Was the WORST idea I have heard this entire week. Honestly, you should just start over because I wouldn’t even consider looking at your proposal. And by the way, books that come with CDs annoy me. Next?”

I couldn’t breathe. People shifted uncomfortably in their seats. She moved on to her next victim while I sat there crushed, wishing I could melt into the floor.

This pitiful scene took place twenty years ago when I left my husband and small children behind for a week and went to a writing conference. I had gathered my courage and pitched my very best idea in a group session. Needless to say, I took Delores the Editor’s comments to heart.

Actually, I did more than take her words to heart. I unwrapped them, popped them in my mouth and chewed them up…for months. Meanwhile I unwrapped more words of my own, added them to the big, sticky gob in my cheek and continued chewing until my mouth was full of poison. Words like “incompetent” and “unqualified” and “fool” filled my mouth and my heart, until all of my best words had dissolved away.

I believed I could not be a writer. I believed I would never be good enough, no matter how much time and energy I spent. I took someone else’s opinion about an idea – she had not even read my writing – and I told myself all my ideas were bad. I let fear stop me from pursuing the thing I had loved since I was a child. I was quiet for years, and before I knew it, two decades were gone. Just like that, I handed over my dream.

My grandson Judah loves to jump on a little trampoline I have in my spare bedroom. He waits for me to sing

him the jumping song – yes, of course there’s a jumping song – and then he jumps with all of his might. He is wild and joyful, and in that moment he is perfectly content.

His tiny feet barely leave the trampoline, but in his mind I’m sure he is bounding as high as the ceiling. I love watching him sing and smile and jump until he is out of breath. I would never criticize his jumping, or tell him he is not jumping high enough, or tell him to stop jumping where someone might see him. I delight in who he is in that moment, knowing someday he will be tall and strong and tame.

I’m not saying there is not a place for constructive criticism or helpful feedback. In fact, I credit those things for the direction my writing career is going today. I guess what I am saying is that we need to get back to that place where we are jumping for the pure, wild joy of it. We need to get back to that place where we give ourselves permission to dream and to risk and to fail. We need to find a way to not let the gatekeepers of the world block us from the places we have been called to.

There’s a movement I’ve been reading about called “rewilding.” Basically, it’s the concept of restoring an area of land to its natural uncultivated state. It’s a bit controversial, but it got me thinking. What if we set about the task of rewilding ourselves? What if we could remember what brought us brave, wild joy when we were young? And what if those things led us to new, uncultivated territory? Rewilding. Just the word makes me smile. It calls to things deep in my heart that are impossible, messy, and even untamed. I know I could use more rewilding in my own heart.

You want to know something? Delores was not that editor’s name. I knew her name for years, but I made a conscious decision several years ago to forget it. I have decided to not let that memory have a vote in what I’m doing now. I have decided to create like a child, without boundaries or fear. I’m going to embrace a little rewilding in my life, and I’m going to cheer on others who do the same. Who’s with me?

: @jennabentonwriter W+W MAGAZINE

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o N E D AY , a l l yo u r c h i l d r e n w i l l h av e Are pictures of you. make sure you're in t h e m . n o m at t e r w h at yo u r h a i r lo o k s like, your make-up, or your body. t h e y w o n ' t c a r e a b o u t a n y o f t h at , t h e y ' l l j u s t wa n t t o s e e yo u .

ericaritchie.com 12

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ur community is important O “ to us, we love our valley! We’re a husband and wife team working hard to grow our metal fabrication business and establish our homestead. As a veteran owned company we take great pride in the work we do. Our goal is to have customers walk away from every order as friends.”

-Angelina White, Owner

WHITE FAMILY HOMESTEAD

www.etsy.com/s hop/W hi t eF am i lyHom es t ead W+W MAGAZINE : @whitefamilyhomesteaders

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THE ART O F

S H O W I N G

I

U P

JENNA BENTON

t’s a hot, smoky evening in Oregon. The summer wildfires have been tough on everyone, especially those who live outside.

“What did the vet say?” asks Melissa Mayne, as she hands a man a paper cup. He is wearing too many layers for this heat, and his knitted cap is slightly askew. One hand clutches his cart piled high with blankets, plastic bags, and cardboard signs.

A little dog is nestled on top of the dirty bundle, his tail wagging.

The man sips the ice water and smiles at Melissa, lighting up at the mention of the volunteer vet who saved his dog.

If you hang around the parks in downtown Medford for any amount of time, you’re bound to see Melissa checking in with the people who gather around twice a week for a hot meal or a cool drink.

She is clearly someone who can be trusted.

“It really is her compassion and her heart,” says Compassion Highway Project President, Carey Foster. “Everyone is drawn to her. She just has a way with people. She sees them and remembers them.

They all love her.”

Melissa is the founder and executive director of Compassion Highway Project (CHP), based in Medford, Oregon. The 501c3 non-profit is run by Melissa and her board, all six of them unpaid volunteers. They host a community feed every other Sunday in a local park. Two other nights a week, they gather donated food and make the rounds through the city with a crew of volunteers, searching for people with empty bellies who need resources. They work year-round gathering sleeping bags, hygiene supplies, and clothing. In the winter, CHP partners with a local church to provide a warming shelter on the coldest nights.

: @compassionhighwayproject

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It’s true, Melissa does have a knack for relating to people. She knows how to connect with volunteers and the people they serve, without really seeing any boundaries. The fact is, Melissa knows a thing or two about homelessness. She has been on both sides of the fence.

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“Most people don’t know that I have been homeless myself. A huge part of our city’s population lives paycheck to paycheck, and if something happens and they have no resources, they end up with nowhere to go. That was my story.”

WWW.COMPASSIONHIGHWAYPROJECT.COM Photo By Danny Hall

“Just show up. Show up and use what you have, right where you are. I learned that from my grandmother.

Never underestimate the power of just consistently being there for someone. It can make all the difference.”

WWW.COMPASSIONHIGHWAYPROJECT.COM Photo By Danny Hall

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Most people don’t know that I have been homeless myself,” says Melissa gently. “A huge part of our city’s population lives paycheck to paycheck, and if something happens and they have no resources, they end up with nowhere to go. That was my story. My career background is in nursing, in the field of oncology. I have had several good jobs. But with a child who needed ongoing medical care and a mom who was fighting cancer, I had to make some hard choices. In the past, I’ve had money stolen from me, I was in a domestic violence situation, and one time my landlord even sold my house 4 days after I moved in. My savings has been drained many times. One thing after another can happen. I’ve always done the best I could, but sometimes I just couldn’t make ends meet.”

The single mother of two found herself living out of her car on three separate occasions, each story more heartbreaking than the next. “I would go to my mom’s tiny apartment to shower and cook dinner for my kids. I would always make extra, and when we had to leave we would drive around and share our dinner with people who were hungry. It made me feel less hopeless, and it showed my kids that there are always things to be thankful for.”

Melissa isn’t currently homeless. She spends about $300 a month of her own money on gas, just driving around serving others. Her cell phone is always on. She has been known to bundle her kids up and head out in the middle of the night to help someone in need. Her car is filled with extra supplies and clothing. But even with the many resources she has gathered, Melissa says her greatest resource is something any of us can do.

“Just show up. Show up and use what you have, right where you are. I learned that from my grandmother,” she says with a smile. “Never underestimate the power of just consistently being there for someone. It can make all the difference.”

Melissa is a Wild Woman who is walking out the philosophy of ‘showing up’ today more than she ever has. She lost her job recently because she was taking too much time off work.

“My daughter was recently hospitalized and my mom lost her battle with cancer last September,” she says. “But no matter what, I will make it, and my kids and I will continue to make a way for others. That’s who we are. We show up for people who just need someone to care about them.”

W+W MAGAZINE : @compassionhighwayproject

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FIRE ST HONEST CONVERSATIONS ABOUT THE COST OF LEADERSHIP.

ARTERS Fanning the spark of a dream into reality can be a brutal process. But too often we see our role models, community leaders, and business owners posting highlights on social media, and we think somehow they have something we don’t. Social media tends to portray endless images of effortless, shining moments.

The truth is, there is a cost to leadership. There is a cost to saying yes to the dreams in our hearts. While the stories of these women are inspiring, sometimes the real life of following one’s passion is messy and difficult and lonely. In the following pages you will encounter the real stories of women who have been courageous enough to climb a mountain at sunset and to be transparent about their journeys for you. I hope when you look at them you will see them for the strong, brave leaders they are, but I also hope you will see that this potential also lies within you.

Photo By Danny Hall

3 8 , S A LO N OWNER

VAN ES SA HUNTE R 21

Vanessa’s Advice + Lead by being courageously you, only you have that power.

+ Do NOT compare.

Be, create, curate authenticity from your soul. + Love yourself wildly and forgive yourself fiercely.

Grace is so important. : @vanessahunterhair

@thenestsalon :@thenestsalon

Photo By Danny Hall

+THE NEST+ -S A L ON -

WHAT DOES YOUR COMPANY SPECIALIZE IN? My Salon, The Nest, provides hair, lash, and facial waxing services to clients as well as assisting, apprenticeships, and continued education to licensed professionals.

HOW IS THE NEST MAKING AN IMPACT? My heart and focus has always been to steward, love and honor within our work culture, and to empower my staff to live in community together as their full authentic selves. I cheer them on to chase their professional dreams and to develop and grow personally. As a salon, we have access to many lives and hearts, meeting clients right where they are, right in their difficult and beautiful seasons. That is a remarkable thing.

It affords us incredible opportunities to connect and engage in community in many ways, inside and outside the walls of the salon.

WHEN HAVE YOU WANTED TO GIVE UP BUT KEPT GOING ANYWAY? If I’m honest, there have been too many times to count. Life can feel like I’m running upstream, and that’s hard work. I have found in my life that there has been a common theme of challenges, opposition, disappointments, loss, trauma, fear, and simply just moments of “this will take a miracle!” I have worked through everything from inexperience, to lack of finances, to starting over and rebuilding. I have faced growing pains, and I’ve also had to start back at ground zero again after losing everything. But through all of it, I have learned to engage with my spirit and to listen to my soul. I have learned to dream even bigger dreams than before. I have learned about seasons and what they bring to my life. I have learned that vision is a key to being fully alive. At the end of the day I am not what I do or how well I do it, I am someone Abba Father God loves.

WHAT IS YOUR BEST ADVICE FOR SOMEONE GOING AFTER A HUGE DREAM? Just start your journey. Trust yourself and your dream, and then make a plan to manifest this into fruition! A dream without a plan is just an idea. You need to give birth to it and then

give it life! It will be just like a conception, then a pregnancy, and then a labor, but in the end you will have a breathtaking dream realized, and it will change everything!

WHAT IS THE SCARIEST “PULL UP YOUR BIG GIRL PANTIES” MOMENT YOU’VE EVER HAD TO FACE? Well, I am actually living it out right now! The Nest has been a thriving and successful business for almost 9 years, but 2018 has been a year of changes. We’ve launched out 5 people from within our business who have left to follow their dreams and open their own salons. These professionals were with us from 5 to six and a half years! This has left me and one other team member in an empty nest. The irony of this term is that my business’s name is “The NEST” - can you taste the irony? At first the unknown was crazy and scary, but then it became a whole new journey in itself. We have been seeking to discover who we are and why we exist as a company.

We are asking ourselves hard questions about intentions and accomplishments. In the salon world, when people leave it is looked on as this horrible disloyal act. But I don’t believe this is true. I want the people I care about to learn and grow, and sometimes that means they can’t stay where they are.

The best way I can explain this concept is by comparing it to parenting. When your kids leave home, it’s not because they don’t love you anymore. They leave because it’s time for them to launch into a new season. As a leader, I’ve decided to not make other people’s seasons of growth all about me.

I truly am excited for what the next chapter holds for them. In the meantime, I have been given the space to cast vision into what is next for me, and I’ve given myself full permission to dream new dreams. I have recently remodeled our salon, and in doing so it opened up new possibilities for the direction and future of The Nest. When the critics and the unbelievers and doubters whisper in my ear “This is a mistake” or “It’s too late” or “It won’t work” “You’re too old to start again,” I just shut them out and imagine what “IS” possible. After all, so many impossibles became possible in the last 9 years. So here’s to casting vision, here is to dreaming new dreams, and here’s to being a way maker!

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+K I D T O K I D + - C H I LD R E N ' S C LOTHI N G S TOR E WHAT DOES YOUR COMPANY SPECIALIZE IN? My store, Kid to Kid, is a resale store. We buy and sell gently used kids clothes and equipment, maternity, and newborn to size 14.

HOW IS KID TO KID IN MEDFORD MAKING AN IMPACT? We have the unique opportunity to be in nearly every home in our valley and surrounding regions because let’s face it, everybody has or knows kiddos or grandkids. Our database contains over 40,000 households that we get to love on, speak life to, celebrate seasons with, and create healthy and sustainable family culture, all through the seemingly simple act of resale clothing. Additionally, if we are not able to buy items from our customers, we offer the option for them to donate. Then we facilitate literally thousands of items DAILY going to non-profits like local shelters, foster parents association and churches that redistribute it right here in our valley. The reach of this work is gorgeous and life-giving on every single level.

WHAT KEEPS YOU GOING WHEN YOU HAVE HAD A SUBSTANTIAL SET BACK? When we first took over the store, we had really terrible reviews online and they kept coming even the first few months. It was very painful because I pride myself in my relational and leadership skills and we were getting very personal attacks, even some really harsh things said about my kids and family like, “I know who your kids are and I’ve heard about your family and I cant believe you are raising kids in our community!” This was alll because they didn’t like the amount of money I gave them for their items. Mind you, my family is the single most important thing to me. I have poured into them with every part of my conscious heart and mind, so it was so hard not to take this on! But instead, I learned to wake up daily and speak audibly in the mirror about who I am and what I am doing and how 24

and what I choose to experience every day. Additionally, I have learned to trust my instincts and be aware of each individual moment and customer so I can be a solutionfinder based on whatever each moment calls for. This way of walking out each moment being fully present has created a very dynamic and life-giving environment, where we now see regulars coming in for what I am convinced is simply to enjoy the atmosphere.

WHAT DO YOU WISH SOMEONE WOULD HAVE TOLD YOU GOING INTO THIS? Trust your gut. Don’t listen to anyone else when it goes against your instincts, even if it looks good on paper, or if it’s what “every other successful business” is doing. But frankly I’m not sure I could have gotten it - this kind of deep knowing can really only come from experience.

WHAT IS YOUR BEST ADVICE FOR SOMEONE GOING AFTER A HUGE DREAM? Do it! Go after it with your whole heart and don’t wait. Trust that if it is a dream, there is a way and it most likely won’t look how you think, but go after the feeling and heart of what you are wanting to create. Be fierce about filling your mind and heart with thoughts and ideas and quotes that will cultivate a belief and confidence in yourself. It will require you to become the woman that can walk out this new dream life. Remember, you may not be fully “her” yet, or you most likely would be there already. Relish in the “becoming” because it is glorious! Do not dismiss any single area of your life in the “becoming” because to walk out this level of living requires wholeness, and we can either battle unnecessarily or we can embrace and speed up the process by owning it fully.

: @kidtokidmedford www.kidtokid.com/medfor

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Angie’s Advice + Take care of yourself first NO MATTER WHAT! + Find a spiritual practice that invites you into believing more about yourself, and that the universe is for you! + Do whatever it takes to cultivate an atmosphere that causes you to fall in love over and over again.

With your husband, your children, your people, your body, your home, your work and life itself!

ANGIE RENICK-HAYES 42, STORE OWNER

Photo By Danny Hall

Kim’s Advice

+ Trust what is put on your heart.

+ Verbalize it! For me, if I verbalize a goal to someone I am more likely to achieve it. + Surround yourself with friends and family that believe in you and your goals. My Love Stripped team began with those closest to me who also supported what God placed on my heart. : @lovestripped

KIM ADAMS 40 , LEA DER

Photo By Danny Hall

+ L O V- ST ER I P S T R I P P E D + C L U B OU TR E A C HWHAT DOES YOUR ORGANIZATION DO?

expectations of people on the outside.

Love Stripped is strip club outreach. We visit our local club every three weeks, bringing in small gifts for the women and men that work at the club. We are a relationship building, seed planting outreach.

WHAT IS YOUR BEST ADVICE FOR SOMEONE GOING AFTER A HUGE DREAM?

HOW IS LOVE STRIPPED MAKING AN IMPACT? We offer encouragement, hope and love to the girls in the club, with no strings attached. We want them to know that there are people in the community who not only see them, but love them. We give them tangible reminders of that love when we visit, and also at Christmas time when we raise funds to help the girls buy gifts for their families.

WHEN HAVE YOU WANTED TO GIVE UP BUT KEPT GOING ANYWAY? When I have focused on what I think things should look like rather than what they are, I have felt defeated so many times. Often, people of faith have a hard time wrapping their minds around the fact that we’re not going in the club to “save’ these women, we’re simply going in to show them what unconditional love looks like. And that’s enough. I have to remember, we have a unique opportunity and our own vision and timeline for that vision.

WHAT DO YOU WISH SOMEONE WOULD HAVE TOLD YOU GOING INTO THIS? I would have wanted to know that this is not a cookie cutter situation. These are reals lives of real women we’re dealing with, and healthy relationships can take years to build. What God has called me to do may not be what everyone else thinks I should do, even though it can be hard to hold on to that, with misconceptions and unrealistic

Be courageous! Life is scary, but what’s scarier is not doing anything. Don’t give up when things don’t go your way or get hard. Just build a solid team around you who knows your vision and will cheer you on when your’e discouraged.

WHAT IS THE SCARIEST “PULL UP YOUR BIG GIRL PANTIES” MOMENT YOU’VE EVER HAD TO FACE? Probably the first steps into the club. I had so many fears rushing through my head, “Would we even get in? How willd they receive us? What do I say?” Before we went in we prayed for quite a while for a calming peace to come over us. So many months of work had gone into that moment. I had attended trainings as well as an outreach with an organization up north, so a lot was riding on this first attempt to get in. I remember the last three steps before opening the door to the club on one of the busiest streets in town. Those were the hardest three steps I’ve ever taken.

I think that’s how it goes so many times, those last three steps into the unknown can be a deal breaker. They can set us on fire and make us come alive, or they can paralyze us and make us question everything. That first time through those doors was more than I could ever imagine. The ladies were so welcoming and appreciative. My words flowed out of my mouth like an out of body experience. I left on cloud nine! Since then we’ve been in to the club countless times. We’ve built solid relationships with truly incredible women. We often say we’re the ones who are blessed by this whole adventure. Being received, for the most part, by these women has taught us what real love looks like and it inspires us to keep going when we’re scared or we don’t have the words. These women have become our friends and we’re so grateful to have the honor of doing what we do.

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+ R O G U E- COM CI CIB T Y C O M I C S + OOK S TOR E WHAT DOES YOUR STORE SPECIALIZE IN?

second time, to the state hospital, I felt as if my heart had been crushed and my lungs and spine were removed through my eye sockets. His multifaceted diagnosis includes autism spectrum and schizophrenia - he fights this battle every day and has been fighting since the day he and our other three babies came home from the NICU. It’s been a long journey for our family and I’ll say honestly, I have spent more time than I care to admit camped out in the desert of despair. The truth is, it’s my choice to look for joy or shut myself off from it. I have really been focused on developing a new internal default setting to “look for the awesome.” I’ve been a slow student at times, but I am so eager to keep learning and and to keep being changed.

We sell new and vintage comic books, graphic novels, and gifts. I love all comic shops, but we wanted to try a different concept. I designed the space to feel more like an art gallery, to showcase the medium and to create something that we’d never seen before. Our shop filled our town’s void of a full service comic shop and is a welcoming hub of activity. We promote reading, local artists, and creative pursuits revolving around the comic book industry. A handful of local, gifted creators consign their awesome goodies at the shop, from glassware to original oil paintings. We feel like we’ve achieved our goal of creating a happy place and sometimes people really do want to go where everybody knows their name. We want everyone to feel that when they visit the shop, we are providing them a little piece of comic WHAT IS YOUR BEST ADVICE FOR SOMEONE GOING AFTER A HUGE DREAM? book heaven.

HOW IS ROGUE CITY COMICS MAKING AN IMPACT? One of our main goals was to create a welcoming shop for those who love and cherish comic book art, stories, and the books themselves. We wanted a place that was inviting and friendly to comic book newbies as well. In a time when electronic entertainment reigns, we love providing an unplugged option to offer some balance (and help student reading skills improve). In our shop we see a lot of connections being made because of comics; we introduce customers to each other and often they will immediately fall right into conversation. We were blessed with the opportunity to deliver comic books to one of our local hospitals on Free Comic Book Day (the first Saturday of each May) before we opened that day and the kids and adults loved it! Our mission is to spread joy.

Whether going after a dream or just the ability to begin dreaming, the longer you hold on to the past, the longer you put off your glorious (and still-challenging-at-times-butawesome-nonetheless) future! Make a priority of finding peace with any abandoned, abused, bullied, neglected, underfed, under-loved, assaulted, etc. parts of your story.

Make peace and please, I beg you, move forward. Live forward. I love this quote by Lily Tomlin “Forgiveness means giving up all hope for a better past.” I had to, step by step, get to a place of absolute trust that my past, present, and future are in the hands of a loving Creator. Don’t wait until mid-life to deal; just write, talk, pray, cry, and grieve it all out. It may sound dramatic, but I’m not sure I could truly fathom how to make a dream come to life until I accepted things that happened and worked through forgiveness. Freedom is truly where dreams began for me.

Read, research, and make a plan. Keep looking in the direction you want to go. Know WHY you want to do it, it’s WHEN HAVE YOU WANTED TO GIVE UP BUT KEPT the fuel that feeds your passion. I see now that my reasons GOING ANYWAY? emerged from my history. I want to continue to create a place Recently, as one of our grown children was admitted, for the for joy, connections, and community for others. I didn’t realize how this focus would provide us with those things too.

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Photo By Danny Hall

Jami’s Advice

+ Whatever the dream, deciding beats wishing.

+ Whatever the terror: moving forward in the right direction can counteract the paralysis of fear. + However soul scorching the trial: choosing to trust God without hesitation and to keep living life conquers procrastinating in a cave. : @roguecitycomics

www.roguecitycomics.com

JAMI RONDA 49 , S T ORE OWN ER

Photo By Danny Hall

41 , C O A CH & BUSIN ESS CO N S U LT A N T

HEATHE R CONVE RSE

Heather’s Advice + It’s okay if you have to constantly talk yourself off a ledge. It will develop perseverance. Keep going! + Well meaning people will give you plenty of reasons why you shouldn’t to keep pursuing your dreams. Keep going! + Laugh a lot at your own mistakes. AND, keep going! : @heatherconverse12 : @treeoflifesupport

www.treeoflifesupport.com Photo By Danny Hall

+TREE OF LIFE+ CONSULTING SERVICES

WHAT DO YOU SPECIALIZE IN? I am a success coach and small business consultant.

Over the years I’ve provided many local businesses and organizations with specialized advice in order to change workloads, assist with team building and plan for expansion and growth, among other things. My favorite thing to do is to coach, catalyze and support people into their God given destiny and purpose! I especially love it when someone thinks they have missed their purpose, and they find it was waiting for them all along.

have been times when I slip and give one of my strong opinions, and it probably wasn’t helpful for that season in their life or career. OUCH. But I’ve learned and moved on.

WHAT DO YOU WISH SOMEONE WOULD HAVE TOLD YOU GOING INTO THIS? How difficult if would be to not give my services away for free. When you live to see people step into their dreams and begin to thrive, you tend to get swept away with the excitement of it all.

HOW IS YOUR BUSINESS MAKING AN IMPACT? I am helping people recapture the vision and dreams that they have held near and dear to their hearts, and then developing a process for strategy and execution.

This allows them to be able to make a transformative contribution to a community. When people come alive with passion it catches like wildfire!

WHEN HAVE YOU WANTED TO GIVE UP BUT KEPT GOING ANYWAY? When things don’t move as quickly in the process as I’ve thought they might have, it has made me want to throw in the towel and QUIT. I’ve also wondered if my efforts are really making any real difference at all. Instead I stay motivated by the hope that it does matter.

WHAT KEEPS YOU GOING WHEN YOU’VE HAD A SUBSTANTIAL SETBACK? Like most people, I’ve definitely suffered my share of setbacks, broken dreams and heartache. It was those places where I learned how to foster my dreams in a healthy way. The most embarrassing things (as in it’s happened more times than I’d like to admit) have occurred when I’ve spoken out of turn, thinking I would bring encouraging and helpful advice to a situation and then realizing the timing was waaaaaay off. I’m in the business of building relationships. Through those relationships I foster trust in my expertise, but there

WHAT IS YOUR BEST ADVICE FOR SOMEONE GOING AFTER A BIG DREAM? Create a rough timeline and update it frequently. This is an extremely helpful tool to overcome setbacks that could send you too far off course. It’s also a great way to direct your intentions and stay motivated. I also personally like to have peer accountability or a mentor while brainstorming ideas, because it helps me stay inspired.

WHAT IS THE SCARIEST ‘PULL UP YOUR BIG GIRL PANTIES” MOMENT? Probably when I was a guest speaker at a large women’s gathering. I had my message all planned out, and then felt compelled to switch gears and be completely messy and vulnerable about something incredibly personal that I had just gone through in my life. This has only happened to me a few times and I’ve come to understand that those moments (as gut wrenching as they are) have provided my own heart with necessary healing and freedom.

WHAT WAS THE BIGGEST MISCONCEPTION YOU HAD ABOUT FOLLOWING YOUR DREAMS? I thought I would have constant access to the support I needed to succeed. But that is not always reality.

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+PRETTY IN PAINT+ -FURNITURE & HOME DECOR-

WHAT DOES PRETTY IN PAINT SPECIALIZE IN? Pretty in Paint is a retail store that sells furniture, home decor, apparel, lighting and gifts.

HOW IS PRETTY IN PAINT MAKING AN IMPACT? I hope we are a bright, safe, spot in our community.

Our demographic is mostly female of diverse age groups and it is our hope to make every person who walks through our door feel welcomed and accepted. In our store it isn’t always about the purchase. We are a staff of four strong, smart women who love God. Abbie, who manages the store, is my daughter and we came together with Lynda and Sheryl as co-workers and have quickly evolved into a family of our own, encouraging and supportive of each other. I love our collective dynamic!

WHEN HAVE YOU WANTED TO GIVE UP BUT KEPT GOING ANYWAY? Haha- when have I wanted to give up? Several times before the buying process even began. My first answer to the question, “Would you be interested in buying Pretty in Paint?” Was an adamant “NO!” After signing the papers I never thought that though, despite experiences that scared me.

WHAT KEEPS YOU GOING WHEN YOU’VE HAD A SUBSTANCIAL SETBACK? The overwhelming feeling that this is bigger than I am. I am here for a reason and I feel compelled to see what the next day brings. I have had situations in my life that I couldn’t or wouldn’t see through, this is not one of them.

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WHAT DO YOU WISH SOMEONE WOULD HAVE TOLD YOU GOING INTO THIS? I have been very blessed in this experience. It wasn’t like I went on the hunt to a buy a business. I was friends with the previous owners and through the buy out became even closer with them. I can’t imagine not having their insight and guidance. They told me everything they could tell me. Its a lot like having a baby though. You can get the information but until you actually move through the experience, you can’t know all of the other parts. Nobody can tell you exactly what to expect., and thats probably the good news in both experiences.

WHAT IS YOUR BEST ADVICE FOR SOMEONE GOING AFTER A BIG DREAM? Pray. Pray and pay attention. If your biggest reason to not move forward is your fear, face it head on and do it anyway.

WHAT IS THE SCARIEST ‘PULL UP YOUR BIG GIRL PANTIES” MOMENT? I think I have that moment or a version of it nearly everyday. Just because you face your fear doesn’t mean it tucks and runs away. I am constantly anxious about our inventory, our customers, my failing. But at the end of the day it’s just so darn fabulous to lock the door and say, “Goodnight store, I love you.”

WHAT WAS THE BIGGEST MISCONCEPTION YOU HAD ABOUT FOLLOWING YOUR DREAMS? That I thought it would be easier. But just because it isn’t easy doesn’t diminish the multitude of positives that it brings.

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Cindy’s Advice

+ Recognize what you are passionate about and go after it.

+ Be selective in the voices you allow to impact your choices. EVERYBODY has an opinion and thats fine, just don’t let others drown out YOU. + Repeat after me: “I can do this, I am stronger than I realize. ”Now, be willing to believe it! : @prettyinpaintshop

CINDY CONNER 63 , BO T IQUE OWNER Photo By Danny Hall

Molly’s Advice

+ Don’t wait for the perfect timing to do something you feel strongly compelled to do, because the perfect timing doesn’t exist.

+ Say true things to yourself and have other people in your life that will say true things to you when you feel discouraged. + It’s healthy to do something brave just for the sake of doing something brave.

It’s like stretching a muscle. believe it!

MOLLY ACORD 32, O N LI N E B U SI N E SS O W NER

Photo By Danny Hall

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+FAIR+SIMPLE+ -ONLINE FAIR TRADE MARKET-

WHAT DOES FAIR+SIMPLE SPECIALIZE IN? Fair+Simple connects people in simple ways with gifts and products that make a positive impact all around our world. Our niche is the Fair+Simple card. A recipient of a card can redeem it for any single item in our collection of gifts that give back.

You can read about how each item makes a difference, ranging from clean water initiatives, to educational sponsorships, support for refugees, anti trafficking, and fair trade in underdeveloped areas.

WHEN HAVE YOU WANTED TO GIVE UP BUT KEPT GOING ANYWAY? I actually want to give up a lot. Is it okay to say that? Website or quality control issues are my weak spots for feeling this way. But I also often feel like I have the best job in the world and I wouldn’t trade it for any other. These ebbs and flows are common in entrepreneurship, and I ground myself by remembering how I have clearly defined success for my company. Every order is truly making a difference in lives where there is great need, and this keeps me going when it is hard (which is often.)

WHAT KEEPS YOU GOING WHEN YOU’VE HAD A SUBSTANTIAL SETBACK? My family of five purchased property and revamped a dilapidated 1965 mobile home to live in while we built our home. In order to make this happen with Fair+Simple inventory, I rushed into sharing a studio space. My studio mate decided to close her business, the building manager neglected to mention the dispensary going in underneath the space despite my inquiry, and we had a drunken man who illegally lived next door. Suddenly I didn’t care about the beauty of its exposed brick and natural light. This was embarrassing, costly,

and so stressful. I did learn how to have tough conversations while still maintaining my values of being kind, honest, and sincere.

WHAT DO YOU WISH SOMEONE WOULD HAVE TOLD YOU GOING INTO THIS? I wish someone would have warned me about the dangers of letting your business define who you are, for better or for worse. While Fair + Simple is a huge passion of mine, it is not who I am.

WHAT IS YOUR BEST ADVICE FOR SOMEONE GOING AFTER A BIG DREAM? Have a clear vision for why you do what you do.

Write it down as concisely as possible. When it comes to making any decision, big or small, ask yourself if it fits in your “why.”

WHAT WAS THE BIGGEST MISCONCEPTION YOU HAD ABOUT FOLLOWING YOUR DREAMS? I thought everyone that I ever knew would be as interested in Fair+Simple as I was. While I have had amazing support from friends and family, not everyone has caught on, or sometimes it just takes time. At first I took this personally, because I am so invested in it. Turns out, not everyone else is thinking about Fair+Simple all the time.

: @fairandsimplecollection : @fairandsimple www.fairandsimple.com

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+THE COLLECTIVE NW+ -EVENT ADVERTISING PLATFORM-

WHAT DOES THE COLLECTIVE SPECIALIZE IN?

WHAT DO YOU WISH SOMEONE WOULD HAVE TOLD YOU GOING INTO THIS?

We specialize in online advertising for the wedding and corporate event industries. We have also recently expanded beyond our online presence and are opening up a brick and mortar co-working and events location, so stay tuned for that!

How exhausting it would be and how much I would have to sacrifice. But I keep pushing because I know even if someone would have told me those things, I would have done it anyway. I also feel like hard work is a great example for my children, so that helps keep me going for now.

HOW IS THE COLLECTIVE MAKING AN IMPACT? The Collective is dedicated to elevating small to medium sized businesses here in Southern Oregon and creating a strong online presence. Our mission is to create a community of highly experienced, professional, and kind business owners that are ready and willing to support each other, and work hard for their clientele. In addition I am hoping we are leaving a great economic footprint by having that strong online presence showing potential destination wedding and corporate event planners what our area has to offer and driving that destination traffic to Southern Oregon which only boosts our overall economic growth.

WHEN HAVE YOU WANTED TO GIVE UP BUT KEPT GOING ANYWAY? Every day. Every day I think about why I am doing this. I am exhausted, and I pour so much time, energy and money into trying to grow the businesses of others. I just don’t quit though, because I know this is the right thing to do. I know I am creating something unique and needed, and I HOPE I am developing a community of professionals that going forward will get more clients, and be more passionate about their own businesses!

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WHAT IS YOUR SCARIEST “PULL UP YOUR BIG GIRL PANTIES” MOMENT? I think that moment is coming soon. When we go to print, it is going to take some major courage, so we have yet to see how far up I can pull those big girl panties.

WHAT WAS THE BIGGEST MISCONCEPTION YOU HAD ABOUT FOLLOWING YOUR DREAMS? That is was going to be all unicorns and lollipops.

Um, heck no, it is the hardest work I have ever done in my life and sometimes I think maybe I should apply to a fast food restaurant so I can just get a little consistency and routine in my life.

Sometimes I just want to leave it all at the door.

But like I said, I’m not going to quit.

: @thecollectivenw : @lahnamariephotography : @thecollectivenw : @lahnamariephotography www.thecollectivenw.com www.photographybylahnamarie.com

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+ Dont let negativity ruin your ideas, if you think it is a good idea then explore it! + Dont let road blocks keep you from your pursuit, find another route!

LAHNA G RA HAM

+ Make time for friends.

Friendships refill your soul so you can keep moving forward with a healthy mindset.

4 0 ,PH O TOGRAPHE R & E N T R E PR E N UE R

Lahna’s Advice

Photo By Danny Hall

Jessica’s Advice + Forget about all that on paper stuff. Find what that special thing is you have to offer. + Many dreamers have a hard time executing the vision. So figure out your personal brand and deliver on it. + Be kind. You’re going to need help from people under you, above you, to the side of you, so be kind. : @battle4humanity

: @jessicamurrey

J E S S IC A M U R R EY 3 0, MO B ILE GA M E CRE A T O R/C O M M O N GRO U N D A C T I VI S T 38

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+BATTLE FOR HUMANITY+ -SOCIAL CHANGE MOBILE APP-

WHAT IS BATTLE FOR HUMANITY? I work for the Nobel Peace Prize-nominated organization Search for Common Ground. Search catalyzes individual and communal transformations in the world’s most hostile conflict situations. And like any wayward child, we stole the family recipe. Let’s be honest – our country is divided. We can’t even talk about societal problems without wanting to tear each other’s throats out. If we can’t talk about problems, how do we begin to fix them? B4H uses gameplay to teach youth how to handle conflict constructively.

HOW IS B4H MAKING AN IMPACT? The app is global, so I have youth from all over the world beta-testing it and advising us. With all the division going on in our country and community, we’ve found that people are unable to even talk about societal problems without wanting to tear each other’s throats out. If we can’t talk about problems, how do we begin to fix them? Common Ground Activism, an element of the game, gives us steps on how to handle conflict constructively.

WHEN HAVE YOU WANTED TO GIVE UP BUT KEPT GOING ANYWAY? The first was when we’d finally got the funding to build out the app for the very first time a couple years back. Long story short, we went with these developers that came highly recommended. They took our money, outsourced the project twice, wasted 8 months of time and gave us nothing in return. It was devastating. I went into a mourning period for a few months. I just did not know what to do. We only had a fraction of the money we started

with. So, I read some books on agile development and product management to see everything I did wrong, blindly trusting that other company.

We stripped down the orginal idea of the app to something very simple, and figured out how to make a demo of the idea on another platform. We then used that to pitch and look for other developers.

WHAT DO YOU WISH SOMEONE WOULD HAVE TOLD YOU GOING INTO THIS? It’s going to take longer than you expect. You’re going to make more mistakes than you think possible.

Many promises made to you will never come to fruition. But you know what? It’s not only all worth it – it’s all necessary. Because if it happened quickly and easily, I would not have been forced to adapt and explore. The concept we have now is a million times better than what we started with, or even two weeks ago. And it was birthed out of a combustion of failures, feedback, and flops.

WHAT IS YOUR BEST ADVICE FOR SOMEONE GOING AFTER A BIG DREAM? Get yourself a great support system, especially when it comes to your significant other. I couldn’t do what I do and be a mom without the support of my husband. I’m not talking about just “cheerleader” you-can-do-it support. I’m talking, “Babe, I need to go to Nigeria for a week. You got the two toddlers.” kind of support. The support where he gets the kids ready most mornings because my contacts are on the east coast and I’m answering emails. Me chasing my dream is not a burden he has to carry – it’s something about me that’s attractive to him. We try to support and inspire each other.

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T

wo girlfriends met in Jacksonville for a mini-reunion. One fell in love with a magnetic bracelet, the other a pair of patina earrings. “I’ll buy you the bracelet!” one gal exclaimed. “Then I’ll buy you the earrings!” replied the other. Friendship, it’s a beautiful thing!

My favorite Wild Women are the ones who visit my little shop in Jacksonville. As the owner of WillowCreek, I have spent 5 years being inspired by my customers, employees, reps, artisans, and friends. Juggling a business and an active life is a challenge, but I wouldn’t choose any other way.

There are many treasures to be found at WillowCreek.

Come by and find the perfect gift for the Wild Woman in your life.

Jo Parker Owner

115 W. California Street, Jacksonville, OR 97530 www.willowcreekjacksonville.com 541-227-8011 : @willowcreekjacksonville

: @thefarmhousecollectivestore

“

Add pieces that you can’t

live without, and that make you happy! Just because it’s trendy doesn’t mean you have to have it in your home. Choose items that mean something to you and you’ll keep falling in love with your home again and again.

”

-Tamara Lamm, Owner

Store Location: 106 W. Oregon Avenue Creswell, OR 97426 | Phone: 541-543-8053

VIGILANTE JENNA BENTON

: @vigilantekindness

A

licia McCauley sat alone in the darkness of her little hotel room in Northern Uganda, staring at her suitcase in the corner. Should she pack up and go home? The power was out, an intense rainstorm lashed at the streets below, and her plans to spend the summer with writing students had completely fallen apart. Due to circumstances out of her control, she found herself alone in a foreign country, with no connections and no purpose… for the rest of the summer.

“It was writing that first brought me to Northern Uganda,” says Alicia. “I learned of a school for former child soldiers, war orphans, AIDS orphans, and a host of other kids. So, I 42

volunteered as a writing teacher for part of that first summer. I fell in love with Uganda, with the land, with the people, and especially with my students who wrote with unflinching honesty.

They wrote about being child soldiers and about seeing their parents die. They wrote about the monumental efforts it took for them to even have a chance to go to school, and about growing up in a place where life is a gift because death is ever present. Every time a student finished a piece, it both broke and renewed my heart. I was gutted and I was inspired by their tragedies and their courage. I returned the following summer, determined to help more kids tell their stories. That’s when everything just went sideways.”

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Kindness Alicia found herself alone in Northern Uganda, the glow of war from the Sudanese border casting shadows on her bedroom wall, wondering what in the world she should do next.

“God,” she prayed. “I don’t know what I’m doing here. Tell me what to do and I’ll do it. Anything. Just make it clear.”

During the time Alicia waited for an answer, she decided to blog about the people she met in Uganda who inspired her.

Her first story was about her boda (motorcycle taxi) driver, Denis. Denis was 26 years old and trying to save his driving

money, so he could start a piggery. If he could sell pigs, he could earn more money. If he could earn more money, he could pay his school fees and return to high school. His is a familiar story in Uganda, children wanting to go to school but blocked by the war or by poverty. Alicia’s friends in America read her story about Denis on her blog, and promptly wired money to Uganda.

“I laughed out loud in my room when I received the message that my friends were sending me money for Denis,” grins Alicia.

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“It was writing that first brought me to Africa.”

I pictured God laughing with a twinkle in his eye when he heard my prayer. ‘You’ll do anything Alicia? Okay then, go buy pigs.’ So I did.”

The next day, the first-grade teacher from Redding, California was covered in mud and manure, riding on the back of a boda through the African bush. She was wearing a dress and a giant smile. On her lap was a wiggling, squealing, pooping sack of piglets.

Thus, began Alicia’s summer of writing stories that invited people near and far to partner with the people of Uganda. She was also busy providing shoes for an entire first grade class, helping a village start a community lending program, and providing medicine to people who were sick. She bought hygiene products for female students, so they wouldn’t miss school simply because of the biology of being female. She met beautiful people every day, and every evening she would sit in her room and write about them. She was careful to never dictate what she thought people needed, and she was a good listener. When her new friends shared their struggles and their dreams, Alicia carefully shared their stories with her readers. Alicia’s blog following grew, and her email was bursting with messages from people who wanted to help. Alicia began calling her growing tribe of followers “kindness vigilantes” and their little deeds “acts of vigilante kindness.” : @vigilantekindness

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W W W . V I G I L A N T E K I N D N E S S . C O M

Today, Vigilante Kindness is operated by a board of five directors, and is a full-fledged 501(c)(3) nonprofit organization. Their main focus is to pursue self-sustaining educational and employment opportunities for families living in rural communities of developing countries. By working closely with the communities they serve, Vigilante Kindness is able to identify and address specific local barriers to education, and they are committed to providing self-sustaining solutions.

If you browse their website www.vigilantekindness. com you’ll find details about projects related to farming, work study, solar lights (they are great for studying at night, but they also keep elephants away), clean water, paper beads, and more.

Alicia McCauley didn’t just make a way for people in Uganda to further their education, she made a way for the rest of us to join her.

“I guess my best advice to the wild at heart who are facing a dark situation is this: Don’t quit before the miracle. Wait for your answer, be open to anything, and be a good listener.”

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WILD WOMAN PROFILE NAME: CARMELLA JUMP OCCUPATION: OWNER, OMEGA ENGRAVING 1) How long have you had your business?

I am a 3rd generation owner of our small family business. My grandfather started the company in 1978 and my parents purchased it from him in 1994. My husband and I bought the business from my parents in January 2018. We specialize in creating personalized plastic name tags and badges, as well as other unique plastic engraved items.

Growing up I never thought to myself, “I want to make name badges.” But it was a dream of my husband’s and I’m grateful we get to do it together.

2) What’s the number one tool you use to push through fear?

Faith and trusting God in everything. Truly surrendering what I really want to control over to Him is so hard to do at times.

3) What are three pieces of encouragement for your customers ?

1) Be comfortable being uncomfortable. There’s no room for growth if we stay in our comfort zone.

2) Give yourself grace, that’s a must.

3) Just be yourself, take off the mask that we are so good at always putting on and know that being real and vulnerable, even when we’re not at our best, makes others relate to us more.

ww w.omeg aeng rav i ng. com 46

email: office@omegaengraving.com phone: 541.476.1789 www.thewildwomanmagazine.com/uprising W+W MAGAZINE

“Your name is important so why not wear it nicely!”

-Carmella Jump, Owner

“

Design is my dream! I love staging, merchandising, and decorating my client’s homes. I feel blessed every day to go to work at a job that fills my soul.

-Jessica Lay, Owner

”

www.thevintagecottage.co W+W MAGAZINE

: @thevintagecottageshop

: @thevintagecottage01

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R A I S I N CINDY CONNER

“Having kids-the responsibility of rearing good, kind, ethical, responsible human beings- is the biggest job anyone can embark on. -Maria ShriverIn the first baby book I ever owned, safely nestled upstairs in a trunk of chaotically inventoried familial pictures and memorabilia, there is a letter. I wrote it to my oldest son 41 years ago when he was almost four and a half. It was the end of a very long day with a demanding four-year-old and his toddler baby sister and I was feeling wretched. I had yelled and wailed and, in the end, thrown myself across my bed in a fit of tears not unlike the ones my little boy had also cried that day. I knew I was a complete and utter failure at the only thing I ever wanted to be...a mother. After finally wrangling him out of the bath and into his bed he now was sleeping peacefully, and he looked so angelic that I couldn’t help weeping at his bed-side vowing to be a better mother tomorrow. That night I penned a letter that he would never read thanking him for his constant forgiveness and unconditional love of a mother who was falling short of her personal expectations as a parent.

Over the next many years my family would grow into a blended package of five children and there were more days that I cried and felt the pains of failing my children when all I wanted was to be their biggest cheerleader, the supporter of 48

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G W I L D Photo By Danny Hall

all their dreams, the keeper of their secrets and the healer of all that hurt them. I wanted to be a perfect mother. No other people on the earth shatter us and elevate us to our highest highs like our children. In the 2007 movie, Because I Said So, Diane Keaton’s character sums up motherhood by describing it as: theee.most.IMPOSSIBLE.love.

I was a very young inexperienced 23-year-old mother of two when I wrote that letter. In it I asked the question and confessed my fears,’ How do I teach you to know what you want out of life and never to settle for anything less? I don’t just fear failing you, I’m scared to death of failing myself as your mother.’

I have laid awake nights worried that my children’s only childhood memories would be of me at my worst.

At the end of the day, it isn’t about perfection, it’s about perseverance. It’s about loving to the best of our ability. It’s about forgiving ourselves. And its vowing to be better tomorrow. While motherhood is messy and complicated it all comes down to one simple thing: amazing impossible love. To this point, we’ve gathered six different moms with six different families to comment on the beautiful mess that is motherhood. We asked them to share candidly about their journey in raising wild but caring kids.

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GENA HANSEN : @my.silver.nest | www.mysilvernest.com

MOM STATUS: 2 KIDS ADOPTIVE MOM SPECIAL NEEDS MOM HOME SCHOOL MOM

photo by Courtney Coker

M

y first tattoo is what society lovingly refers to as a “tramp stamp”. As a 31 year old walking into a tattoo parlor, I had a vision of picking a meaningful design, having it etched permanently onto my body and loving it every time I looked at it. Even with all of the pain, I walked away that day feeling like I had accomplished everything I set out to do. I ran home excited to surprise my husband. I lifted my shirt, watching his face expectantly. He laughed.

It was the kind of laugh that says, “You’re joking right?” Upon closer inspection, I realized it was not the perfect heart and delicate wings I had asked for. It was crooked, uneven and worthy of my husband’s laughter. Not what I expected.

As young women, we dive into marriage and “mommyhood” just like I did that day walking into the tattoo parlor. (Hang in there with me, this is going somewhere, I promise.) We have dreams.

I became a first time mommy at the age of 33 after only five weeks of knowing about the pregnancy. Our babies are both adopted. God in his exuberant sense of humor saw fit to give us five weeks to prep for our first child, and two (yes I said two) weeks to prep for our second.

Stepping into motherhood was nothing like that dream, and it was certainly not what I expected.

The first few months of being a mommy were filled with a colicky baby that kept me awake for so long I’m still not sure how I survived. Fast forward through a few years of infertility treatments, continual testing that was nothing short of embarrassingly invasive, many failed adoptions, and more heartbreak than I thought I could

endure, we let go of the dream of ever “having another child.”

A short time after making that decision, we were surprised by the birth of our son. Ten years later and he is still keeping me up at night. Suffice it to say that I never expected my journey to take me into the depths of “special needs.” Our treasured boy rocks our world in ways I could have never dreamed. His struggles shape our lives, our dreams, and my life in particular. After a really rough Kindergarten year, one tumultuous month into first grade, and spending more time in the principal’s once than I had experienced in my own 12 years of schooling, we decided to pull him out and homeschool him. Definitely NOT what I had expected. We are four years into that journey, and I now homeschool both of my kids.

When other moms are enjoying a clean house, a warm cup of coffee with a friend, or a quiet yoga class, I am teaching math (yuck!), science and writing. Again, not what I had expected. But we are special. Special because we travel when others are deep in school. We freely explore places I would have never have dreamed because I’m married to a great adventurer. We study subjects that you couldn’t even talk about in school and we know that life does not have to meet the expectations society sets for us. Our life is richer and more colorful because of the unexpected. Our special boy doesn’t fit into any box. When I put my kids in bed at night and my son tells me to stay until he is asleep, that moment is when its all worth it. That’s when I know in my heart that everything I expected would happen in life no longer matters. That’s when I know everything is just as it should be.

“It’s insainly easy to believe everyone else has it all together, but they don’t! It’s easy to put your best foot forward when you’re posting a picture to social media. No one is perfect, no matter how many matching outfits their kids have.”

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MOM STATUS: 5 KIDS, 3 GRANDKIDS WORKING GRANDMA

I

SHENITTA KINNEY

married the love of my life, Hiram Kinney, 37 years ago. Our first child was born when I was 21, and we added four more beautiful children to the group before we were done.

I think my biggest struggle as a mom was letting go. I raised each one of my kids to be strong and independent community citizens. When I used to see them struggle, I wanted to dig back in and help them out. But I discovered that way just makes their path harder. I continue to give things over to God on behalf of my children daily.

When they were growing up we tried to instill faith and morals into our kids. A big rule in our house was to treat others how they wanted to be treated. I also did not tolerate any type of bullying, but instead encouraged

my kids to be the ones to reach out first when they noticed someone needed a friend. I love it when I see my kids living authentically. They are all so different, but I always tried to teach them to be themselves. No one trusts a faker.

My life with Hiram is a love story marked by faith, hard work, and laughter, and this season of life is very gratifying for both of us.

We worked hard to model and maintain a successful interracial marriage, and our children have chosen their mates for love, not color. I am so delighted to be a grandmother. Sometimes, I have a hard time returning my grandchildren back to their parents because we have so much fun!

”When your original plan doesn’t work out, sometimes the “Plan B” of life turns out to be the better plan!”

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MOM STATUS: 2 KIDS AUTISM MOM

I

EMILY JACOBS

am a blessed (read also: tired) mama of a fasterthan-me 5 year old spitfire and a smarter-than-me 7 year old intellectual. My oldest was born when I was 22. That number didn’t feel young at the time, but it feels pretty young now, as mysterious aches and pains pop up faster than the overgrown weeds in my yard, while the energy to deal with either of these things has mysteriously disappeared.

My oldest son is very bright, clever, and is the “pun king.” He also experiences high functioning autism, and can be easily overwhelmed with certain fine motor skills and sensory situations. A God-given, steadfast patience has helped me weather many storms. I’d love to tell you it was all intentional, but sometimes it feels like I literally have no other choice but to be patient, especially when parenting a special needs kid. This skill was finely tuned a few years back when he would have meltdowns during the middle of the night. Big meltdowns. Our son would no longer be present and a raging toddler zombie would emerge. He would scream so loud and for so long we were legitimately worried that the neighbors would call the cops. We tried everything. It was exhausting and heart wrenching to witness, and nothing would shake him out of it and nothing would soothe him. Eventually, by default,

we just had to sit with him, make sure he was safe and loved, and wait it out. And there in those midnight meltdowns, a parenting style rooted in patience was born, not out of intention, but necessity.

It can be quite the balancing act of having one child on the spectrum and one child not. The inner workings of their sibling dynamic is complex. Navigating age appropriate ways to explain to my youngest son why his big brother is behaving a certain way while still making space for his own feelings is tough. Fielding questions from big brother about when little brother will attend occupational therapy like him is VERY tough. Meeting their individual needs, fostering their relationship, and giving myself freedom from expectations of what it “should” look like has been a journey.

Building up these boys, brick by emotional brick, is a process.

It’s easy to get caught up and overwhelmed by qualities I eagerly want them to value. However, I’ve come to realize that yelling at them to BE KIND to each other isn’t exactly going to instill kindness in them. Weird. With patience and walking it out as much as possible in my own life, I hope to show them what it’s like to be genuine, empathetic and kind towards others (and towards myself.)

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TAMI FARRELL MOM STATUS:

2 KIDS BOY MOM HOLLYWOOD MOM STAY AT HOME MOM

Tami is a wife, mother, and writer. She is the author of the new children’s book Dinosaurs Love Donuts, a playful story written from a child’s perspective about a boy, his dog, and donut stealing toy dinosaur. Her book not only feeds children’s imagination, but it also feeds the hungry. A portion of all her sales goes to No Kid Hungry, an organization devoted to fighting childhood hunger.

Gabriel Ramirez Photography

I

n the middle of a crazy week, on a Los tricks to help me navigate motherhood. But I admit, Angeles freeway in rush hour traffic, a tiny sometimes I almost miss the love notes. Here are some voice from the backseat squealed with things I’ve been working on: amazement. “Mommy! Mommy! Look at the sky! It looks like cotton candy! It’s a love note from God, Mama.” The smog-filled L.A. skyline was a 1) Getting out of my head - There will beautiful golden orange with fluffy pink clouds and always be a million things to do and a purple blanket of night was slowly draping down to worry about. There is no such thing across the sun. It was beautiful, and I almost missed it. as a perfect child, house, or family.

Before you go thinking I’m raising a little saint, I should tell you that days earlier Tucker woke me up by throwing a fart at my face. He has a poet’s heart, but is a loud, wild, funny, playful, and curious little boy. His one year old brother, Tate, is equally sweet, wild, joyful, and challenging. Every day is a crazy circus, and I am the ringleader. My husband works hard as a director and producer, so that I have the luxury of being a stay-at-home mom and raising our boys. It’s a job and title that I’m both honored and exhausted to carry.

Raising kids is hard. I try my best to raise tiny humans with eyes of wonder, servant’s hearts, adventurous spirits, and kind souls. I want to raise my boys to be strong, fearless, kind, smart, and compassionate. I want them to have the courage to chase after their dreams and to stand up for what’s right. I also want my oldest to eat ANYTHING besides a cheeseburger, french fries, ranch dressing, and apples! But, one must choose her battles.

I’ve cried tears of frustration, lost my temper, and felt defeated and like a failure. I’ve also watched with pride as my oldest stood up on the playground for his baby brother when older kids got too rough. My heart has been humbled to see my youngest light up the faces of strangers with his pure and unfiltered, joyful smile.

Let go of unattainable expectations, surrender your worries, and stop trying to solve every problem in your path. Get out of your own head and enjoy the wonder right in front of you.

2) Loving myself the way I love my children - This is a task I’ve yet to master. Be gentle with your heart.

Be patient and understand when you feel frustrated and defeated.

Forgive yourself when you stumble and fall. You are one of the greatest wonders of all, right here and right now, just the way you are.

3) Looking for the love notes - Love notes are all around us - things such as a perfectly timed song when you get in the car, the fragrance of flowers or fresh cut grass, or a welltimed note from a friend. Who knows?

You may even feel like leaving some love notes of your own. The point is, don’t get so wrapped up in the busyness of your day that you forget to slow down and enjoy the beauty all around. : @tami_farrell

In the City of Angels, I am trying my best to raise well rounded tiny humans. Like most moms, I’ve got lots of

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& @dinosaurslovedonuts

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MOM STATUS: 5 KIDS LARGE FAMILY

I

NINA PEPIN

have five kids (ages 14, 12, 10, 2, and 6 months) and I’ve parented long enough to know one thing for sure. Sometimes your family and friends, and even the world in general, is not going to fully get you. They might not get your parenting style, they may not get the way you solve problems, and they certainly won’t always understand that you are delighting in every single season of this parenting thing. Once we passed the three kids mark, our family morphed into an entirely new creature.

We gave birth to all of our children at home. We lost our first pregnancy when I was 22. I was 23 when our oldest was born. We’ve walked through the grief of three miscarriages as well as the joy of two new babies entering our family and shared those experiences really openly and intimately with our big kids.

If I’m honest, my biggest struggle is actually something that existed before I became a mom. I think it just became magnified because of the army I created. I struggle to take time for myself and to put aside the needs of all the people. It’s nearly impossible to take an hour to be alone and read or journal or eat the biggest box of French fries I can get my hands on all by myself. The other struggle is knowing that I don’t have enough of me to go around.

I just don’t. I can’t always coach my older son on the finer points of a kickin’ top knot while simultaneously keeping the two year old from bashing his sister in the face with a car. Again. While I nurse the baby. While I pee. True story.

I can honestly say that there is no crappy age of child rearing. None. Teens, babies, and every age in between - they are all wonderful. I wouldn’t want to live my life any other way.

“Don’t expect other families or friends to understand you. Once we got past 3 kids, our family morphed into a new creature. One that wasn’t/isn’t always understood. If I had a plain iced tea with no lemon for every time a loving and well meaning human said to me, “Well can’t you just blah blah blah” to solve a problem, I’d be drowning in tea. The thing is, most of those “problems” are not actually problems for me. I get my family. I know how it works and what it needs. And that’s not popular with every crowd. And that’s fine.”

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MOM STATUS: 2 KIDS WORKING MOM Ike & Tash Photography

LAUREN MULLEN

W

hen I became a mom at age 26, I was One of my favorite things about our family is that we laugh. determined to do everything well. Eight We laugh on the daily multiple times. Even when life is hard, years later, with two kids, a husband, it’s so important to laugh and not take yourselves to seriously. a business, and a 70 pound puppy LAUREN’S THOUGHTS ON PARENTING: in the mix, I have had to redefine the word “well”. Well doesn’t mean perfect. Well means having 1) Grace. Give yourself lots of grace. You will a healthy outlook on the life I want to live, and then working cry and you will feel like quitting. But the little hard to make it happen. people,are watching you. We are raising the next My husband and I both wear many hats. We are small business owners, he works full time, and we are very involved in our local church. But we always make our kids a priority - one of us is always at soccer games, dance practices and field trips. Sometimes it’s exhausting, but I feel good about the way that I’m all in, whether I am parenting my children or serving my clients at the salon.

As far as my parenting style goes, I don’t think I fit into any one box. I would say that I’m a little “crunchy”, a lil “old school”, a lot authoritative and for sure empathetic. Basically, this translates to feeding my kids organic food, seeing a naturopath and ascribing to natural remedies. I believe in discipline and boundaries. I try to listen to all their feelings and seek to understand where they are coming from.

generation of creators and innovators. So be passionate about going to whatever work you do (in or out of home) they are watching.

2) Get rid of the guilt. Write it down and burn the paper you scribble it on. Whatever it takes. Don’t.

Believe.The.Lie. 3) Ask for help. Let’s all say it together. “Ask for help.”

Paid help, free family help, friend help, teenager help, neighbor help. Whoever you trust with your kids ask for it. You can’t do it all. We all know the saying it takes a village, well truly it does or that quote wouldn’t be used in excess. Do it and don’t feel guilty.

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80% of Americans say they want to write a book.

Is that you?

97% of people who start writing a book do not finish.

The key to finishing a book lies in the first draft. How can you rewrite, edit, or polish without a first draft?

You can’t move forward, and the world will never hear what you have to say.

It’s time to finish your first draft. Our self-paced, online course will walk you through it.

This isn’t a course that teaches you how to write. This is a course that teaches you how to finish.

Readers of The Wild Woman Magazine will receive a 10% discount. Offer good through July 31, 2018.

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LEANING IN

I

JENNA BENTON

met Rebecca Bender several years ago at a fundraising event. What struck me about Rebecca was the way she leaned in close when we spoke, eyes on mine, like I was someone important. I had no idea at the time that this stunningly beautiful woman understands everyone she meets is important. We laughed about the chaos of raising little ones and the depth of our husbands’ hunting obsessions. She had her hair pulled back in a seamless bun, her makeup was flawless, and she was wearing shoes that made me drool. I made a dumb joke about how sweaty I get in social situations and she flashed me a knowing, nervous smile. Then, she choked on her coffee.

I loved her immediately.

These were the early days of human trafficking awareness in Southern Oregon. Rebecca was just beginning to speak at informational events, mostly held in homes around the Rogue Valley. I was a youth worker at a local church and just beginning to learn that human trafficking wasn’t only a big city problem; it was happening everywhere, even in our little valley. The thought that human trafficking could directly impact families in my neighborhood absolutely terrified me.

I watched Rebecca get up from the couch and stand in front of a living room full of strangers, and I listened as she described growing up in a little town in Southern Oregon.

Rebecca was raised in a middle-class family, she was a student athlete who graduated a year early, and she dreamed of college and a career and a life of adventure.

And then I watched my new friend lean in towards a room full of people she did not know, looking strong and vulnerable all at once, and I listened as she began to tell the story of betrayal, manipulation, and coercion that led her to a life of slavery. I was angry. I was heartbroken. I was in awe. She was direct and honest and unapologetic, and although her brave voice shook at times, we were all riveted. If you haven’t heard her full story, you really should head on over to her website www.rebeccabender.org and check it out. It will mess with you in the very best way.

: @imrebeccabender : @rebeccabenderinitiative WWW.REBECCABENDER.ORG : @iamrebeccabender

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“In 2008 I was homeless with my little girl. I was moving from couch to couch, having escaped my trafficker, but I had no clue what I was going to do next.” www.rebeccabender.org

But this article isn’t just about Rebecca’s story. It isn’t about the way she is traveling the globe on behalf of her nonprofit, The Rebecca Bender Initiative, educating first responders and lawmakers and law enforcement. It isn’t about the fact that she is a sought-after keynote speaker, author, and prolific trainer. This article isn’t even about the fact that her name was spoken by the luscious lips of Ashton Kutcher when he testified before Congress about human trafficking. This article is about how Rebecca is making the way for other survivors.

Today, The Rebecca Bender Initiative runs Elevate, the largest and only online academy for survivors around the globe. Members are given access to 10 professional and leadership development courses. These courses cover a wide range of areas including resume building, message branding, faith-based deeper levels of healing, storytelling, media management, and even how to write a book. And starting this year, their courses and fresh monthly content are available to survivors as well as anyone who wants to “enrich their life and go after all that they were created for.”

Rebecca has provided registration information for Elevate on her website.

“In 2008 I was homeless with my little girl. I was moving from couch to couch, having escaped my trafficker, but I had no clue what I was going to do next. I was on food stamps for the first time, I couldn’t find a job, I had a huge gap in job history and a criminal record, and I just felt really hopeless,” says Rebecca. “I don’t ever want anyone else to feel the way I did.” Knowing the challenges that survivors face when they begin to rebuild their lives, Rebecca’s heart is to equip and empower and most importantly, provide hope.

“We are all more than what happens to us,” says Rebecca.

“We are all more than our stories. Our past does not have to define or determine our destiny. It’s time we begin to lean into our dreams.”

Rebecca gathered together all the information and life experience she has collected over the past 10 years, and now offers it to other survivors free of charge. Elevate is a game changer for survivors and change agents alike. The truth is, Rebecca Bender is still leaning in. She’s making a way for the rest of us. And she’s changing the world.

: @rebeccabenderinitiative

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WILD WOMAN PROFILE NAME: TIKA WEEKS OCCUPATION: OWNER, VISIONS OF WONDERLAND 1) HOW LONG HAVE YOU HAD YOUR BUSINESS? Visions of Wonderland was born in 2014 when I decided to turn my arts and crafts hobby into a business. I started as an artist-for-hire, fulfilling other people’s Pinterest dreams, but I quickly realized I needed to narrow down what I was willing to do if I ever wanted to grow as a business. I’ve always loved sharing and teaching others to do what I love, so art classes and private paint parties were a natural fit. We were mobile until 2016 when I opened the studio while still fighting breast cancer.

I couldn’t have done it without the loving support of my family, especially my two sons, the only employees I’ve ever had.

2) WHAT MADE YOU TAKE THE LEAP TO START? I have always had an entrepreneurial spirit. I’ve been a stay-at-home, homeschooling mama and have always looked for ways to contribute to our family’s tight budget. When I realized more and more friends and family were wanting to hire me, I thought “why not?” and started Visions of Wonderland.

3) WHAT ARE THREE PIECES OF ENCOURAGEMENT FOR YOUR CUSTOMERS? 1) Be willing to try new things, even if you don’t have any reason to think you might be good at it.

2) Make time for God, for yourself, and for the relationships that matter most to you.

3) Be willing to fail. Be willing to be vulnerable. Be willing to learn from your mistakes.

CONNECT WITH TIKA:

VISIT THE STUDIO:

: @visionsofwonderland

AUGUST 3-4, 2018 CENTRAL POINT, OR

www. vision sofw onde rland. com 62

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www.thewildwomanmagazine.com/uprising

632 Crater Lake Ave Medford, OR 97504 phone: 541.778.7215 email: visionsofwonderland@gmail.com

When the stunning details debut & are captured

forevver in the

eyes of your guests & photographs

lasting a lifetime.

w w w. p a r t y g a l l e r y m e d f o r d . c o m : @partygallerymedford

: @partygallery_medford

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63 pixy prints photography

Knitted Knockers are special handmade breast prosthesis for women who have undergone mastectomies or other procedures to the breast. Traditional breast prosthetics are usually expensive, heavy, sweaty and uncomfortable. They typically require special bras or camisoles with pockets and can’t be worn for weeks after surgery. Knitted Knockers on the other hand are soft, comfortable, beautiful and when placed in a regular bra they take the shape and feel of a real breast. Our special volunteer knitters provide these free to those requesting them. Knitted knockers can be adjusted to fill the gap for breasts that are uneven and easily adapted for those going through reconstruction by simply removing some of the stuffing.

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P A T TERNS OF

I

CONNECT IO N

n 2011 Barbara Demorest was diagnosed with breast cancer. While struggling with the shock of the news, she says she was initially self conscious and embarrassed that she needed to have a mastectomy.

“I avoided telling very many friends,” she says.

“Those that I did tell, I was quick to add that I was going to be immediately reconstructed.”

But due to complications, Barbara had to go to plan B, which involved an implant and tissue expansion. She admits she was at a loss as to what to wear to appear “normal,” so that she could get back to work. She called the local cancer society and asked about acquiring a prosthesis. The woman replied, “Oh honey, you can’t put anything on that scar for at least six weeks”. Barbara was mortified. Six weeks seemed like a lifetime, and she needed to get back to work. That was the first time she cried.

The next week at the doctor’s office, Barbara picked up a brochure for a typical silicone prosthesis. She was holding it when the doctor walked in. He said to her, “Most women are not real happy with that as a solution. It’s too hot, heavy, and expensive.”

The doctor could tell Barbara was upset. He sat down, and then asked her a strange question.

“Do you knit?” he asked.

Barbara said she knew how to knit and the doctor handed her a piece of paper. It was a picture of a “knitted knocker” with a link to a website where she could get the pattern.

Barbara went home, and because she didn’t feel physically or emotionally able to knit, she emailed the link to her dear friend and super knitter, Phyllis.

That Sunday Barbara stuck socks in her bra, put on a jacket and ventured out to church. Her friend Phyllis delivered two beautiful knitted knockers to her in a Victoria’s Secret bag. Barbara took them right into the bathroom stall and stuck one in her bra. It was FABULOUS! It was light, pretty, soft and fit in her own bra perfectly. She took off her jacket and knew right then that she wanted to make these available to other women going through the same situation.

“I thought about how happy I would have been if my doctor had real knitted knockers to give to me rather than only having a photocopied picture on a sheet of paper,” says Barbara.

At her next appointment, Barbara asked her breast cancer doctor and plastic surgeon if they would hand them out if she could provide them with a regular stock of these knitted knockers. They said they absolutely would.

In fact, her doctor informed her that in Barbara’s little northwest county alone, over 200 women a year are diagnosed with breast cancer. Of those, about 50 have mastectomies. He said that not only are these good solutions for those who choose not to be reconstructed or have to wait for reconstruction, but they also work for those who have had lumpectomies and radiation which can shrink the breast. In those cases just removing some stuffing helps to keep things balanced.

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I

n Barbara’s case, as she went through the inflations required in her reconstruction, she just kept taking stuffing out through the process. Barbara considered the number of women who through the years have just quit wearing their prosthetics due to them being uncomfortable, not fitting any more, or being too expensive, and she knew the potential demand was huge. Barbara set an impossible, wild goal. She decided to provide free, accessible, beautiful knitted knockers to anyone who needed them in her county.

And just as she dreamed, she did just that. Barbara credits a wonderful network of volunteer knitters to her success. Barbara and her band of volunteers have been unwilling to let any request go unfulfilled, so she has been mailing them all over the world.

Barbara eventually realized that no one group can meet that kind of demand, so she created a website. The purpose of www.knittedknockers.org is to have a one stop place where anything you want to know about knitted knockers can be found. The site is a work in progress but will eventually have information on how to set up a knitted knocker volunteer group, how to approach doctor’s offices, clinics, and locations to distribute them, and ideas of displays to set up to attract knitters and distribute knockers. Patterns are available on the website. Videos and resources on how to make knockers are available and they just keep adding more as they see the needs and ideas expand. Now there are groups of knitters all over the world providing knitted knockers for their own regions.

The Knitted Knockers organization is 100% supported by volunteers and donations. They are very picky about the yarn that is used, and they have a specific way to package them in order to protect them during shipping. They don’t charge for shipping or any of the materials when someone requests a knitted knocker. They are a network of people who volunteer their time knitting, networking, stuffing envelopes, writing thank you notes, and more. As often as possible, women requesting knockers are connected with knitters in their own region.

“I’m so proud of the volunteers in my own community and all around the world who are making the way for breast cancer survivors,” says Barbara. “We are providing a product that works, enabling people to use their passion, purpose and skills, and we are gifting survivors with a beautiful element of care. There is just something about receiving a gift from a stranger that makes you feel loved.”

Barbara says that one of her greatest joys is getting a call from a doctor on her cell phone requesting some more knockers. One of the nurses told Barbara she wished she could be there when they gift a bag of knitted knockers to a woman who is battling cancer. : @knittedknockers | www.knittedknocker s. or g

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“I don’t need to be there to see their smile or tears, I know exactly how it feels, because I was one of them.”

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67 SUZANNE BAIR PHOTOGRAPHY

WE’RE NEVER DEFINED

BY OUR FAILURES

...AND THAT’S THE “THRUTH”

Lindsay McPhail

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I

’ve written six books, but I’m not a writer. I’ve launched five companies, but I’m not a business woman. I’ve spoken at many conferences and retreats, but I’m not a speaker. I’ve designed countless logos and media campaigns, but I’m not a designer. I’m a mom to four crazy, amazing boys and I’m a wife to my very best friend, but neither of these things are my identity. That might be hard to swallow in a society that screams we are what we do. Don’t get me wrong, I love what I do. But - what I do is not who I am. And I’m so grateful for that.

CONNECT WITH

LI N D S AY

: @thewildwomanmagazine

If we allow our occupations, our accomplishments, or what we love to become our identity, the foundations for our lives and happiness will be built on a slippery slope. We will never feel secure, and our identity will shift with every wind that blows.

In June we published the first issue of The Wild Woman Magazine. We did it start to finish, cover to cover, in 6 weeks. It was a huge accomplishment. We were a team of misfits with a message, but no actual experience in the publishing world. Instead of standing back and worrying if we could or should do it, we went for it with everything we had in us. When the semi-truck rolled into my driveway that summer day to deliver 800 books, I was exhilarated and nauseous. The delivery driver hadn’t even climbed back into his truck before I ripped into the first box. It was beautiful. The weeks I had spent nuking microwaveable dinners for my family and ignoring piles and piles of laundry had paid off… or had they?

It wasn’t even an hour after I dropped off a copy to our senior editor before she sent me a picture of a glaring typo - in a header - of the only title I didn’t have someone check for me. It was huge and out there for the world to see. And that’s the thruth. Yep you read that right. THRUTH. I had added an “H” to truth, which was an important part of my friend Keneesha’s article. I was sick and humiliated. There was no taking it back. I wanted to crawl into a hole.

It’s a well known fact in my circle that I can’t spell. The back cover of my first book had a typo on it for three years before I noticed it. We laugh all the time about my typos and inability to use even elementary grammar, but this was different. This was out there for the entire world to see. This was proof that I am, in fact, a joke.

In the days that followed, I apologized for almost every magazine I gave out. A friend of mine who publishes a local wine magazine emailed me to tell me he loved it. I responded with a quick thanks and an immediate confession about my huge typo. I was mortified that he, a seasoned professional, had obviously seen it. He wrote back to me, “Typos are part of the game. You tell your kids to take a few knocks in life. Typos are your knocks! Embrace the knocks. And you know what? Nobody cares. It’s the thruth.”

I laughed so hard I cried, and I knew I had to take the knock and learn from it. The typo was an oversight, nothing more. As horrible as it felt at the time, it did not speak to my worth as a human being or even as a writer… because it’s not who I am.

As a magazine, we will be looking for stories of women who have made mistakes, and then refused to let those mistakes define them. And when we find them we will tell them to you, because we all need to hear about them. These stories shape us and strengthen us and give us hope. And that, my friends, is the thruth.

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5 WAYS

TO KEEP GOING

W H E N

Y O U

W A N T

T O

G I VE

U P

1

Stop taking yourself so seriously. Really, it’s not the end of the world.

Take a deep breath, be willing to laugh at yourself and your situation and move on.

2

Take stock of what what you have. It’s easy to focus on what’s missing or what you don’t have... stop it. Make a list of everything you have, and then choose to alter your perspective.

3

Make sure you’re taking care of yourself. Lacey Farber has some good tips about taking care of yourself in this issue. Go read it again if you need to! Self-care is not selfish. We are designed to work from a place of rest and wholeness, not the other way around. We will crash and burn if we refuse to take care of ourselves mentally, physically, spiritually, or relationally. I know this from experience; it took me over a year to recover from a crash-and-burn that I almost didn’t come back from.

4

Ask yourself questions that propel you forward. What’s not working?

What is working? What are three things you can do this week to get back on track?

5

Choose to reconnect to why you started in the first place. Have you gotten off track, or have you just lost sight of what matters? Sometimes it’s as simple as being intentional and correcting your course.

uts!

G r ou Y e Lov dsay n i L

“My goal is to create lasting relationships with my clients through the home buying process.”

-Mandy Samhammer, Broker

MANDY SAMHAMMER BROKER, JOHN L. SCOTT 541-941-0745

WWW.MANDYSAMHAMMER.JOHNLSCOTT.COM W+W MAGAZINE

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“One of the biggest misconceptions we face is people thinking we can’t educate our own.”

-April Johnston

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W+W MAGAZINE

RISE UP

I

A Story of Liberation, Hope & Legacy

see you. For the suffering or lonely, those three words bring encouragement. For a group of Oglala Lakota women on the Pine Ridge Reservation, I see you is much more than encouragement. It’s an antidote for generations of people who have felt invisible. There is a rumbling on the horizon in the Badlands, and it’s coming from a little school that has its eyes set on revitalization and hope.

We’re going to shoot straight with you. In a paid-by-theclick culture we could easily generate attention by highlighting the high teen suicide rate, the shocking infant mortality rate, or the heartbreaking poverty and unemployment numbers that plague this reservation. The Lakota people are certainly not strangers to members of the media who want to tell their story.

As a publication that champions women, we found ourselves asking some hard questions: How can we tell the story of these Wild Women in a way that honors them? How can we help our readers understand the Lakota people’s extraordinary strength

if we don’t talk about their suffering? We decided to let you research the numbers for yourself.

Research the Oglala Lakota. Read about their struggles and decades of suffering, the massacre at Wounded Knee, and statistics that rival some of the poorest nations in the world. But you must realize, they are more than their history and statistics. Learn their story, but don’t stop there. Lean in and listen.

Visit the website of the Anpo Wicahpi, Pine Ridge Girls’ School. Click and zoom in on the faces of the young Lakota girls. Can you hear their ancestors calling them to rise up? Can you see the light in their eyes?

Meander over to the webpage that speaks of the school’s mission and vision. Learn about their staff and founding board members, their school model, and their guiding philosophy. Listen to the words of a Wild Woman named Cindy Giago, Head of School and one of the founding leaders, who dreamed of a safe haven where young Lakota women would be empowered with education, leadership skills, and self-respect. “I feel that I am a pinnacle of the struggles that we as Lakota people face, having grown up on the Pine Ridge Indian Reservation in poverty, but being resilient enough to survive,” she says. Can you hear? Can you see? Cindy isn’t just surviving. She is prevailing.

Consider Ohiyesa Win Ramirez (pictured to the left), a ninth grader who was among the very first group of native girls to fill the classrooms of the Pine Ridge Girls School. She was so shy she would make others in the room close their eyes if she had to speak in front of them. More than two years have passed. Last summer she participated in two rigorous off-reservation summer programs. April Johnston, director of instruction at the school, praised her for excellent test scores and unshakable confidence. Ohiyesa Win Ramirez is rising up and is college bound.

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S

ay the word “Winuhcala.” It means “dear and precious female sources of strength.” Strength. It is foundational. The Oglala Lakota embrace their identity and their pride runs deep.

They are determined to educate their own children and to overcome their own traumas to strengthen their community from the inside out. They are a people who have worked hard to preserve their Native language and rich cultural history. But make no mistake; these girls aren’t gaining strength from the school. They are the strength.

What can we do to support this grassroots gathering of world-changing women? We can start by saying,“We see you.”

We see you pouring life and love and identity back into a generation of young women that have been stripped of their cultural identity and separated from their spirits. We see you combating poverty and abuse by making the way for girls to rise up and overcome. We see you. We honor you. And we are learning from your example.

4 Ways To Make a Difference

1 2 3 4 74

Right Now:

GO TO: WWW.PINERIDGEGIRLSSCHOOL.COM READ THE STATS, VISION & MISSION! DONATE ONLINE. IT’S EASY TO DO! WE’VE DONE IT & SO CAN YOU! THESE GIRLS NEED A NEW GYM AND TECHNOLOGY TO KEEP ON GOING WHERE THEY’RE HEADED!

SHARE THIS STORY WITH YOUR PEOPLE! IT’S TIME TO TAKE ACTION AND ACTION STARTS WITH AWARENESS. CHOOSE TO LEARN FROM THE EXAMPLE OF THESE STRONG WOMEN. THEY SAW A PROBLEM AND CHOSE TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. WHAT CAN YOU GIVE TO A PROBLEM YOU SEE IN YOUR OWN COMMUNITY TODAY?

W+W MAGAZINE

What can we do to support this grassroots gathering of world changing women?

We can start by saying, “We see you.”

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: @pineridgegirlsschool GET CONNECTED WITH THE PINE RIDGE GIRLS SCHOOL www.pineridgegirlsschool.com

“The only thing worse than giving up is wishing you hadn’t and I know first hand how that feels. I’ve realized it’s unrealistic for me to live a restrictive lifestyle. Working hard toward my goals while still allowing myself to embrace carefree moments has been the easiest way for me to stay on track.” : @ponderosa_and_plaid

76 ERICA RITCHIE PHOTOGRAPHY

W+W MAGAZINE

e c i o AV

IN THE WILD my journey to wholeness

LACEY FARBER

What’s holding me back from living my life? From really enjoying my life?

journey, I began calling it a health journey.

I was also convinced this couldn’t be just another one of my weight loss efforts. I had been successful in losing weight before, but had never paid much attention to cultivating my entire mind, body, and soul. I would work hard to fit into my “skinny” jeans, but guess what? I was still not happy, and sure enough, the weight would always come back. This time around I wanted to really focus on my inner self, and I was going to take the weight loss as an added bonus. So, instead of calling it a weight loss

It has been nine months since my health journey began, and the number one thing I’ve learned is the importance of kindness. We must be kinder to ourselves. The peaks and valleys will come, and we will learn more about ourselves on the journey.

Our lives don’t start when we have finally reached our goals, our lives can be enjoyed right now, with each little step in the right direction. Lasting change never happens overnight, and I’ve learned to be grateful for that. In the end, it’s all about our journey to health- mind, body, and soul.

I have discovered there’s a confidence and freeThese were the hard questions I asked myself on dom that comes from choosing to pour love and New Year’s Eve 2017. I never intended my lifestyle self care into myself. I have learned if I want change change to be a New Year’s resolution because bad enough, anything is possible. I woke up to I’ve never been good at keeping those! It all the realization that I am in charge here, I call the boiled down to an unfortunate “try on” in the dress- shots, and I am the keeper of my happiness! Once I ing room of a major retail store. I was in the depths convinced myself of these things, my entire outlook of motherhood, wearing old maternity clothes that changed and my confidence started to grow. were getting tighter by the day. I was achy, cranky, and uncomfortable in my own body, and I was on a So where did I start? I knew I needed to keep it mission to find something to wear for a family photo simple so that I didn’t overwhelm myself. I created a shoot that I felt good in. Instead, I ended up a hot, self-care list and made sure to carve out time evsweaty mess with a sprinkle of holiday glitter on top! ery single day. I ate a super clean diet and started walking. A month went by and my inflammation pain I decided right then and there I was going to be was almost nonexistent. honest with myself and make a change. I was tired of feeling tired. I was always putting everyone else’s When I first started exercising, self-doubt told me I needs ahead of mine, and at the end of the day wouldn’t be good at it, I wouldn’t be fast enough, I just felt like there was nothing else I could give. I and people would make fun of me. The fear of the struggled with chronic inflammation in my back for unknown always held me back. Here’s what I’ve years. I wanted to lose weight and get in a healthy learned: We should not be afraid to try something zone, but most importantly I wanted to banish this new in an effort to better ourselves. After a couple pain that had held me back from so many physical of months of walking, I actually started running. I’ve activities. I was finally beginning to understand that always wanted to be a runner but never thought if I didn’t take care of myself, I would never really I’d be good at it. Spoiler alert! I’m NOT good at it!

But who cares? I LOVE it, so I do it! enjoy my life.

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78

: @ponderosa_and_plaid

ERICA RITCHIE PHOTOGRAPHY

W+W MAGAZINE

ERICA RITCHIE PHOTOGRAPHY

F O R

TEN+TIPS

S I M P L E

A C T S

1) Take time for yourself. Stretch.

Go on a walk.

2) Find a hobby. Mine happens to be modern calligraphy.

3) Feed your body with healthy foods that give you energy.

4) Try something new! Go to a spin class, join a local walking group or make your own juice.

5) Dance it out! Blast your favorite tunes and sweat like you were shimmying your way out of a tootight, sequin dress!

O F

S E L F - C A R E

6) Create a calming bedtime routine with a face mask and your favorite tea.

7) Take a bubble bath.

8) Ask for help. This can be your saving grace to getting your “me time� in.

9) Plan activities with friends.

Hike, walk or just catch up & chat!

10) Enjoy a glass of wine. Wine is basically grapes, right? Kidding aside, indulging every once in a while, whether it be a glass of wine or a sweet treat, is key to finding your own personal rhythm.

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WHEN YOU NEED A LITTE EXTRA HOPE & JOY...

Blessings of Hope & Joy 80

by Jan Elkins with Anna Elkins W+W MAGAZINE PHOTO BY DANNY HALL

P A V E

10 Ways to

T H E

W A Y

F O R

O T H E R S

+BE AUTHENTIC+

When you are real about your struggles and setbacks, it helps others understand that challenges are part of the process. +BE BRAVE+

When you are brave, it helps others believe they can be brave too. Courage is contagious. +CHAMPION OTHERS+

Make it your business to cheer on the women around you. +DON’T GOSSIP+

Protect the reputations of others. +BE A “NOTICER”+

Let the women in your life know that you notice the little, awesome things they are doing. +SET THE STAGE+

Do you use social media? How about using it to tell the world about the amazing women who are making a difference in your community? +STAND ALONGSIDE+

Do you know a woman who is working hard to start a business or even just struggling to keep her life together? Consider buying her product, or volunteering to help her, and let her know she is not alone. +REACH OUT+

In social settings, make it your business to sit by women who are sitting alone. +CALL OUT THE GOLD+

Pick someone in your life and tell them all the things you love about them. +LISTEN+

Take time to listen. Sometimes that’s all we need to help us take another step.

305 N Bartlett St, Medford, OR 97501 www.prettyinpaintshop.com @prettyinpaintshop