THEWILL DOWNTOWN NOV 21 EDITION by THEWILL NEWSPAPER

VOL 1 NO.41 • NOVEMBER 21 – NOVEMBER 27, 2021

Happy

INTERNATIONAL MEN’S DAY

CHARLY BOY Forever True, Forever The New Man

THEWILL DOWNTOWN

VOL 1 NO.41 • NOVEMBER 21 – NOVEMBER 27, 2021

6LQFH

'R QRW EH D

FRQGXLW GR QRW EH

D YLFWLP

PAGE 2

THEWILL DOWNTOWN

Photo: Kola Oshalusi @insignamedia Makeup: Desire Onyema @desire_makeover

EDITOR’S NOTE

VOL 1 NO.41 • NOVEMBER 21 – NOVEMBER 27, 2021

CONTENTS

COVER CHARLY BOY FOREVER TRUE, FOREVER THE NEW MAN

04-05

FEATURE “BE A MAN!” AN EFFEMINATE MANIFESTO

FASHION FASHION FOR THE NEW MAN

really does it mean when you hear the What phrase, ‘Be a man’? It can be interpreted differently for a lot of people. For some, and this is the most common interpretation, it would mean, be macho, don’t show emotion, regardless of whatever it is that you are going through. You most certainly cannot cry, because MEN don’t cry. I would like to think that men being human beings require just as much emotional or physical tenderness as a woman when dealing with them. They have feelings too. They can break down just like a woman would and they also need a shoulder to cry on just as women do. It’s not commonplace, but a community (safe place) where men can open up to each other about how they are doing is something to be considered. And so, I was quite pleased when during the interview I asked our cover personality for this week, Charles Chukwuemeka Oputa, better known as Charly Boy, or Area Fada about this subject, and he also thinks such places should exist. “I think it is a bloody good idea. Unfortunately, seeking professional help isn’t as commonplace over here as it is in first-world countries as poverty is a big constraint. Person wen never chop no fit afford therapy.” In light of International Men’s Day, we take a look at what it really means to be a man. In this riveting interview with Charly Boy, he talks about everything, from his sexuality to not being able to feed himself at a point in his life, losing his self-esteem, gaining it back, and the journey behind becoming the man that we know him to be. It really is a captivating read. The rest of the magazine this week pays homage to men, from health to beauty –make-up for men, and fashion for the new man. Don’t miss Downtown Confidential (our sex page). This week we talk about a rather interesting sexual preference, Pegging. I’d like to read what the men think about it. Is this something you would try? Leave a comment on the website or our Instagram page. To all the men out there, this one is for you.

THE SCENE DOWNTOWN A HYPNOTIZING EVENING OF BEAUTY

REVIEW 5 MOVIES THAT WILL MAKE YOU A BETTER MAN

CAREER THE INEQUALITY IN PATERNITY LEAVE

DOWNTOWN CONFIDENTIAL

WELLNESS

PROSTATE CANCER I PEG YOUR PARDON? ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW

Odun Ogunbiyi @oddbodandthecity

- Contributing Editor Odunayo Ogunbiyi is an ex pharmacist with a passion for food and pampering. Writing about her exploits wherever in the world she may find herself is just her way of staying sane in this zany world.

Boluwatife Adesina @bolugramm

- Contributing Writer Boluwatife Adesina is a media writer and the helmer of the Downtown Review page. He’s probably in a cinema near you.

Until next week, enjoy your read.

Onah Nwachukwu @onahluciaa

AUSTYN OGANNAH

PUBLISHER/EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Editor: Onah Nwachukwu @onahluciaa Editor-at-Large: Chalya Shagaya Senior Lifestyle Editor: Ayodele Johnson Writers: Kehinde Fagbule, Tilewa Kazeem Graphics/Layout: Olaniyan John Digital Media: Oladimeji Balogun Guest Art Director: Sunny Hughes ‘ SunZA’ www.thewilldowntown.com thewilldowntown thewilldowntown

BEAUTY MAKE-UP FOR HIM

WHAT YOU SAID INSTAGRAM @Sheentrepreneurgh This is stunning

David Nwachukwu@ebube.nw - Contributing Writer David Nwachukwu has always been immersed in fashion from the age of 10, watching a Dior by Galliano show on television. His work in fashion stretches across media, marketing, brand communications as well as design.As a fashion & lifestyle journalist, David has tracked key industry data for various publications including Industrie Africa, Culture Custodian, Haute Fashion Africa, and HELLO! Nigeria. A Geography graduate from The University of Lagos, David consciously aligns this background in environmental advocacy and sustainable development with the need to promote a more ethical fashion ecosystem. He currently oversees strategic FRPPXQLFDWLRQV DW &OHDQ 7HFKQRORJ\ +XE b

Efua Oyofo @efuastar - Contributing Writer Efua has always enjoyed telling stories. A writer and cultural storyteller, Efua Oyofo helps clients tell their most compelling story. She focuses on social impact storytelling, and hosts a podcast: This African Love, exploring the culture of dating - and helping people develop more effective ways to navigate relationships in today’s world.

@atieneomas

Thank you @ thewilldowntown una

@chidibest664 3 freaking pages just for my baby Liquorose you are a beauty to behold

#/LTXRURVHb T

Thank You

PAGE 3

VOL 1 NO.41 • NOVEMBER 21 – NOVEMBER 27, 2021

THEWILL DOWNTOWN

FASHION

ashion trends come and go. As human beings, this is not far fetched, because we evolve as the years go by. In previous years, fashion trends for men were restricted to gender-specific styles and colours. Blue was the colour for boys, and pink was the colour for girls. More recently however, these conﬁnes of fashion expression have been replaced by more liberating trends. Male fashion now utilises a larger colour spectrum that ranges from subtle pastels to bold colours. Fashion for the new man explores more gender-neutral colours and themes, and it seems these trends have come to stay. International and local brands have embraced these gender-neutral styles, and released unorthodox designs and styles that men now explore in their styling options. Here’s a catalogue of styles and products that amplify fashion for the new man.

FASHION FOR THE NEW MAN BY BLESSING MUKORHO

Colour Me Bad

Ebuka Obi-Uchendu For Schick

Globally, the colours yellow, white, orange, brown and green are recognized as gender neutral colours. Fashion for the modern man has embraced these colours in trendy styles that can be worn to achieve a dapper look. • Make like Ebuka Obi-Uchendu, and style your shirts and pants with a pink jacket or you may wear a yellow trench coat over your suit. • A plain off-white, white, or tan suit with colour details may just be what you need to up your game.

2020 High Fashion Shoot Pinterest

Lisbon Fashion Week Runway Show RUI VASCO

Lagos Fashion Week SS22 Collection ASSIAN

PAGE 4

Top 12 Spring 2020 Menswear Collections Vogue

Uti Nwachukwu For Kimono Collection

THEWILL DOWNTOWN

VOL 1 NO.41 • NOVEMBER 21 – NOVEMBER 27, 2021

FASHION

Running Shoes For Men MOYING

Yellow Men’s Sneakers NEW BALANCE

$FFHVVRULHVb $FFHVVRULHV Accessories Accessories complete any look. Sunglasses and shoes are a great way to complement your style. Add a pair of yellow sunglasses or sneakers to bring some modern man style to your ensemble. SS20 Menswear Pin HERSCHEL JACKSON JR.

Two-Piece Please •

•

With time, two-pieces have become a fashion statement for the modern man. There are a variety of style and colour options for men to explore. The Assian SS22 orange two-piece is a great start. These may be styled to achieve a slimmer fit, while an orange sweatpants and sweatshirt combination makes for a looser two-piece style. For an avant-garde look, you may explore these runway styles. Opting for this look in a teal or pink two-piece gives the perfect combination of artsy and rich sophistication. Draw inspiration from Crag Green or Herschel Jackson Jr’s collection.

For a corporate look, the Medico Merkmak shoes are a great option. However, for a casual look, the colour white is a sophisticated colour; and these white Gucci slides or Moying sneakers will do the trick. You might even add a beanie to achieve an edge in your style. tyle.

New Mens Fashion Slippers GUCCI

Medico shoes MERKMAK

New Fashion Men’s Modern Sunglasses DITA

Derek Blanks For The Guardian Life

Craig Green Fall 2019 Menswear Collection

The world is evolving and so should you. As a modern man, you are no longer restricted by colours or styles that limit your fashion experience. With newer trends, you now have more colours and styles to choose from. Making the right choice in terms of colour and style is the first step to fully expressing yourself.

Jaden Smith For The Guardian Life

PAGE 5

VOL 1 NO.41 • NOVEMBER 21 – NOVEMBER 27, 2021

THEWILL DOWNTOWN

CAREER

The Inequality in

Paternity Leave BY AYODELE JOHNSON

ntimate, family moments matched with a lively office environment to work in are some of the contributing elements towards a sound, employee performance. Particularly for males who are finding an outlet to happiness and kinship through paternity leave. Some structures in society such as federal and few regional administrations have set a plug to pull like a switch in case the workers operating in these settings announce that their wives have been put to bed. A timeout is good for deeper ties within a family when the man is within reach during pivotal moments. Around the megacity of Lagos and in the busy ﬁnance industry, paternity leave is not clear cut, therefore more burden on a woman, relegated to tending to newborns alone. There would be no shortage of assistance and collaboration from close

Cool Fm’s Dotun

PAGE 6

relations or friends yet all these personalities do not trump the presence of a dutiful, loving husband to offer emotional support. In late September, the federal civil service updated its rule book to include 14 days of paternity leave so that workers can vacate their desks for a while to go be with their families. This would happen in the event of new birth or adoption in their homes. It is a well-thought-out move although it does not guarantee the envisaged benefits. “It is based on personality,” says Cool FM on-air personality, Dotun ‘Do2tun’ Kayode. He thinks it improbable that a man’s temporary exit from the workplace for a fixed period would naturally bring about closeness within the household. Paternity leave, according to Do2tun, could encourage bonding and it might not. The main advantage of the timed departure, he adds, is that “you don’t leave the responsibility of taking care of the child to just the woman.” Towards an equal society seeking fair treatment for all genders, “it is not a bad idea”. The radio presenter sees opportunities when “both parents can be at home and share responsibilities” but that’s not always the outcome. According to Do2tun, paternity leave and the assurance of bonding within a family looks shaky since it depends on the nature of those involved. The position they see themselves playing in their esteemed husband and father job. “Some [men] might be at home and still not participate in the grooming of a child. We have people that are at home with their wife and are still not contributing. What I understand about the benefits of [paternity leave] is that it helps you as a dad to have a great relationship with the children and that is how it works.” Despite the obvious benefits and central government making provisions for accessibility, time off from their duties for busy, male, eligible banking staff is not always pronounced. They would need to think up a hack if they are to be available through a crucial family moment such as childbirth. The post-pregnancy phase does not mean the end of a strenuous existence for the woman. This time, she has to be attentive to the newborn, anticipating their second-by-second needs. Having to rely solely on their annual leave to be with their wives is a handicap for the staff needing the special privilege of paternity leave. It demands timing their application towards when partners will be due to deliver babies instead of time out to rest on a long vacation that could involve some travelling experience. The head of the

commercial banking unit at Lagosbased Providence Bank wishes not to be named. When his wife was about to have their baby, he could recall planning a leave request around the birth. According to the team lead, “paternity leave in the banking industry is just for five days” because less attention is being paid to this in the sector. This has resulted in some banks adding it to their policy while others don’t. When the privilege of special leave is not available, a banking staff can have “a discussion about it with your superior to say that your wife just put to bed” which can qualify them for a compassionate holiday. To accommodate staff desiring time away from their workplaces so that they can perform essential spousal roles, “paternity leave should be properly documented as part of the policy of any organization”, the banking professional shared and drew attention to stronger practices observable in western countries. In July 2014, Lagos approved 10 days of paternity leave so that workers in the civil service can access further opportunities to strengthen family bonds. Through such happy moments, they are creating new experiences with the latest addition to the household. The temporal freedom from work has also shown other benefits that favour the employer. Work-life balance in an organization encourages the employees working there to offer the best result and going on leave is essential for bringing this about. City officials “want to encourage officers to be productive” because being comfortable at the home front would yield efficiency at the workplace. They think that meeting this need, there is a high tendency that an officer would turn in their best work. While the advantages of adequate staff welfare are obvious, the onboarding of those who are eligible remains scanty. So far, steps being taken by policymakers towards healthier workplaces are unusually more pronounced compared to the private sector establishments.

VOL 1 NO.41 • NOVEMBER 21 – NOVEMBER 27, 2021

THEWILL DOWNTOWN

DOWNTOWN CONFIDENTIAL

I Peg Your

Pardon?

BY TILEWA KAZEEM Illustration by Victor Asowata

he hardest part of writing this column week in, week out would--hands down-- be penning down those first letters that pillars the rest of the article. Staring at a blank sheet for minutes, second-guessing and scrutinising every word. Buckling down on each paragraph so one transitions into the other effortlessly like; skilfully changing positions from the cowgirl to reverse variant without intermission. That feeling twinned the one I got when I paid my friends visits and I was compelled to come in through the backdoor. Why do you have to take me on a tour of your kitchen when we could just go through the main entrance? And although both problems weren’t entirely identical, they struck a nerve. This is something you ‘don’t’ want to happen while trying out today’s theme and soon enough—if you stick till the end—you’d ﬁnd out why. Navigating through the morass ever-evolving concepts, notions, and beliefs of what sex is or what it shouldn’t be, you’d realise that the experience feels better with taboo or whatever society has pinned as taboo. That voice lodged at the back of your head, telling you it is not normal to feel this way is usually the synopsis of every kink. It’s the Chemical X that’s added to the sugar, spice, and everything nice of lovemaking which in turn, results in brain-melting orgasms. If (in the words of Josh2Funny) you’ve jotted things down from the previous Conﬁdential, you’d discern that with sex, you might just need to suit up like Robert Downey Jr to spice up and elongate the shelf life of your sexual urges. And today’s conversation is not astray from that discussion albeit entirely different. To celebrate International Men’s Day, I’ll be covering a sexual predilection that involves empowering women and turns gender and social norms askew. The thruster becomes, the thrusted and the stereotypical thrusted, becomes the thruster. Figured it out yet? No? Let me spark the torch that will brighten the dim crevices of your mind’s sexual atrium. Conventionally, the man(thruster) slots his erected appendage through the soft,

warm, and homely privates of a woman(thrusted.) However, with ‘pegging’ the roles are in reverse. A female (vagina-bearing person) penetrates a male (penis-bearing person)with a strap-on. I imagine the men are heaving God forbids and Tufiakwas in the air having read that last paragraph but—and hear me out— I implore you to hold those reservations till the end of this before you feel emasculated and abort. As far as we(men) are concerned, the butt is a no-go area. Structurally, it was built as a backdoor to all our dietary choices but if we’ve learnt anything from society, it’s that; one thing can have a plethora of functions. And if the elusive ‘male g spot’ that is said to be located in the prostate is anything like that of a female, be rest assured that the orgasms are out of this realm. With the preamble out of the way, let’s focus on how you can probably poke around with your partner or at least find out if it’s something you’re open to. Like every sexual exploration, consent from who you are about to probe with a rubber strap-on is very valid. I’ll want to know all there is to know about a certain topic especially if it involves going down a hole never before travelled. Extended and extensive research on the hows, dos and don’t should be the best bet and if it’s a ‘no’ from your partner, don’t rush it. What everyone tends to forget about sexual preferences are they are largely bent on sexual pleasure and not orientation. Sex is for pleasure and as we’ve seen sex doesn’t care about borders or restrictions. It’s fluid and free but if socialization has taught

us anything it’s that those restrictions are society’s reﬂection on things they have no control over. If you and your partner want to squeeze, poke or nudge yourself go right ahead. As long as you keep it between yourselves then no problem. Just don’t “accidentally post it on Snapchat.” Peradventure you do agree to the proposition of a squeaky clean toy in your rectum, make sure it’s squeaky clean. You wouldn’t want to catch an infection that would be hard to explain to your doctor. When it comes to things going into your anus you’ll need to be very cautious because although it’s been said to be extremely pleasurable, it can be very precarious if not executed properly. You’ve just given your over-eager girlfriend the go-ahead to peg you, unaware of the care needed and drunk-on-power of being the thruster, she has ruptured your bum. Now, you’re pricing bulk adult diapers. Don’t let this be you. Ladies, with great power, comes great responsibility. Baby steps are necessary before you turn to a caregiver all because of kink. Lube, lube, and more lube. When you think the lube is enough, add more. Also, selecting the right toys is equally as crucial because your partner has a huge penis that doesn’t mean you go pick a toy that will wreck his arse. Go for something small, slim, and easy to clean, and again lube up. The rectum can’t lubricate itself like a vagina hence, the extra need for the lube. The best choice of lube should be water-based and only water-based. If you check all these boxes, then you are ready to hop on the pegging train. And as I append the ﬁnishing touches to this controversial piece, I ask myself, ‘In my quest for neverfelt orgasms would I want something up my bum...I’m not so sure, but one thing I am sure about is I’d think long and hard if it’s a lady with a strap-on to a guy without one.’ But how about you? Men are you willing to break gender orientation and have your partner inside you anally all for pleasure?

PAGE 7

VOL 1 NO.41 • NOVEMBER 21 – NOVEMBER 27, 2021

THEWILL DOWNTOWN

COVER

CHARLY BOY FOREVER TRUE, FOREVER THE NEW MAN

Cover Story Images by Gift Eghator @graphedbyblue Pink tulle by Stella Emami @firstladyng Makeup by Seidu Bika Munirat @munictouch for Flawlessivy Cosmetics @flawlessivycosmetics Nails by Bold Nailz @boldkraftnailz Styling & Art Direction by Zubby Eneoma @zubbydefinition Creative Direction & Concept by The Editor, Onah Nwachukwu @onahluciaa & Zubby Eneoma @zubbydefinition

et’s start from the very beginning. Born into a Catholic household, you had set out to be a priest. Tell us about that time of your life. Why did you leave seminary school?

I grew up in a very warm, loving environment. I grew up on an overdose of morality, integrity, all the value system that has been washed away in the sad river of despair these days. I grew up in an environment where I was allowed to express myself, so that made me a very curious young lad, I wanted to try everything. So at 14, I became an altar boy. At the time there was too much religiosity that was going on in my household and I thought being a priest was the hippest thing to be. I was at the seminary for about eight months and decided that perhaps, the priesthood wasn’t what I liked to do. I wanted to be so many things from a magician (I don’t know why) to an army general and so on, but I’m here now.

PAGE 8

Since psychology became a tool for assessing the human experience, masculinity has been the subject of an unending debate. From WKH FUHDWLRQ RI WKH ƓUVW PDQ DQG woman, humans have spent centuries trying to enunciate the perceived differences between both genders. This has since led to a set of conventionally accepted rules some unspoken, others screeched - which have been passed down from generations and have shaped our beliefs today on how each gender ought to be practised. The roles we should play in society, our response to trauma, our choice of clothing, down to the aspirations we are allowed to nurse - for so long, every aspect of our lives has been preset to follow these rules solely based on the genitals we possess. But that is slightly different now, thanks to a man who in the late ‘70s decided to lean towards the other gender, breaking societal norms with every public appearance he makes. Born Charles Chukwuemeka Oputa, Charly Boy introduced us to ‘the new man’ at a time when it was almost impossible to be anything other than manly without backlash. His persistence to keep pushing the envelope of manliness and UHGHƓQLQJ PDVFXOLQLW\ KDV VHHQ him remain in the spotlight since he broke onto the scene 42 years ago. To celebrate International Men’s 'D\ '2:172:1ōV HGLWRU bOnah Nwachukwu DQG ZULWHU bKehindé FagbulebVSHQW D GD\ ZLWK WKH acclaimed ‘Area Fada’ to discuss life as an effeminate man, his illustrious career that cuts across every form of media, and society’s reaction to how he chose to practice his masculinity.

The path took you to the music industry. You were nearly denied a record deal due to your unconventional appearance. Do you remember that experience? I didn’t set out to really be a musician and that’s why I always say till tomorrow that I don’t think I’m a musician. I have a love and passion for entertainment and show business, I figured that I could be famous through that. So when my parents found a job for me and asked me to go work, I refused. I had always wanted to do my own thing. That was when I had to sever my relationship with them because their image was looming too much over me and I didn’t like that. I thought that entertainment was the quickest way to get my freedom, become popular, more than my father. Of course, he didn’t approve of my chosen career, he thought I was throwing my life away; you

know how parents usually are sometimes overbearing. That’s how I disowned them and after I finished my Youth Corps around 1979/80, I moved to the village from America to start my musical career and the brand called “Charly Boy.” You brought a new wave to Nigeria, Punk. My music wasn’t punk, it was Highlife, and so it didn’t match my look. And a lot of people were left confused.

THEWILL DOWNTOWN

VOL 1 NO.41 • NOVEMBER 21 – NOVEMBER 27, 2021

COVER But the image was punk, you were called, ‘His Royal Punkness’. Yes, at the time, I first started with the sissy look and that confused a lot of people and they wondered about my sexuality. Some people thought I was mimicking Boy George, but I came before him, even though he was more popular at the time. How do you react to the Fela comparison? Maybe I was similar to him in the militant way I approached issues, especially when my big hit 1990 dropped, people thought it was Fela’s. In terms of my music genre, it was mostly Highlife and Afrobeat and what I call fufu music. You do everything from singing, acting, writing, and directing. You dance as well, right? There are things I’m not good at and terrify me. Dancing is one of them; I’m hopeless. I don’t like that about me but it is what it is. There have been several differences in society from the time you released \RXUb1990bDOEXP XQWLO QRZ $VLGHV IURP your androgynous style which is now a bit more popular, another example is how your VRQJb%LJ %RWWRPbwas frowned upon due to its somewhat raunchy lyrics - an element in music that is celebrated today. Do you ever think you were ahead of your time? My father always said that. In fact, that was the reason he gave that I wouldn’t make it in this society. He would always remind me saying, “this is a very conservative society, people would think you’re going crazy. Nobody is going to understand this. You can’t do business looking like this, you look like a freak.” I used to say back to him, “as long as you know who your son is because this is somebody I’m pretending to be (the alter egos), it is an image, that’s not who I am.” To which he would reply, “...but you are squandering your chances.” A lot of people didn’t believe it was something that was going to go anywhere but I stood my ground and I’m happy that I did that. Sometimes as a pioneer, people forget how things started and that is the bane of pioneers. Because what you see happening in the entertainment industry right now?... a bunch of people and I got together and decided that, ‘we must have respect here.’ The big money in entertainment, and self-respect was introduced by yours truly. I said 21 years ago that the Nigerian music industry would be very global and it would take over the music scene worldwide and people thought I was crazy. What is the story behind the creation of your alter egos? I hung around the gay community a lot especially when I was in America. After my third marriage had collapsed, I needed company, someone to talk to; this was in Boston. So I went out one night

Cover Story Images by Gift Eghator @graphedbyblue Cover drapped dress fabric - Pleated lamé from Kwamuhle Fabrics @temiladyofkwamuhle Makeup by Seidu Bika Munirat @munictouch for Flawlessivy Cosmetics @flawlessivycosmetics Nails by Bold Nailz @boldkraftnailz Styling, Hair, Set Design & Art Direction by Zubby Eneoma @zubbydefinition Creative Direction & Concept by The Editor, Onah Nwachukwu @onahluciaa & Zubby Eneoma @zubbydefinition

and decided that the first woman I saw, I was going to talk to her, take her home and have ‘hot’ sex. We were in my sitting room, we chatted till the morning, and she went into the restroom. I had no idea that the person I picked up was a man dressed as a woman. When he came out of the bathroom changed from his costume, I thought someone else came out of my bathroom, I didn’t realise it was the same person. I was just amazed by that transformation and that got me curious. I’ve always had my feminine side but that was what led me to build a character, Ms. Zigizigi, for The Charly Boy Show. I played Linda and Zigi and thought it was cool. But my people didn’t know how to take all of that and that started the rumour that I may be gay too. I have nothing against gay people; I love them. I think they are the most affectionate and sensitive people on earth, but I am heterosexual.

If you are hurt, you have to cry. I cry a lot when things affect me in a certain kind of way. Being a man doesn’t mean you have to be insensitive to feelings, I don’t subscribe to that.”

Your activist side, which earned you the name ‘Area Fada’, has been around since forever. Oftentimes, we have seen activists go ahead to seek political power and eventually end up in government. Did you ever consider taking that route? I already have political power. I am the president of all frustrated Nigerians. The environment is boiling, so there’s no other political office that I’d rather be part of and not politics as it is played here. However, because I understand the dynamics of change being the only constant thing in life, I agree that there is a reason why young people have to change their mindsets. The negative mindset that they are operating in right now won’t help them realise their dream. I know that their environment has become very toxic which is really not their fault because they were born into this rot, but you can’t talk about a future when you are not there when people are making decisions about your future on your behalf. So I think exceptional young people need to get very engaged in politics. I’ve always said that the salvation of this contraption that we call Nigeria lies in the hands of these outstanding people and that demography, as far as I’m concerned, belongs to the youth. ,Q \RX ZURWH D FROXPQ IRU D ZRPHQōV SXEOLFDWLRQ FDOOHGb3RLVH b,Q this age of loudly publicised feminism, being a woman’s ally as a man is sometimes frowned upon and often regarded as weak. What does championing women’s causes mean to you? I love that. Women are very special people, I have great respect for them. Women are more strong-willed than men. I agree with the fact that men are losing their grip. They don’t create them like they used to. And this is as a result of years of brainwashing for example when we tell men they can’t cry, they have to be a man, and so on. The pressure has been so much on men that they are cracking. The economy and environment have also affected the male more badly than the woman. This is because regardless of how bad it gets, a woman can still bounce back up by taking on menial jobs and petty trades. However, for a man who once had a corporate job, perhaps working in a bank, it is more problematic to start from the bottom. You know men have a big fat ego, and the biggest killer of men is a lack of income. When I started, I could barely put food on the table. I had to send my wife back to America to work and support me back home, I had no shame in my game. I was in the

PAGE 9

VOL 1 NO.41 • NOVEMBER 21 – NOVEMBER 27, 2021

THEWILL DOWNTOWN

COVER village for seven years, I lost my self-esteem, confidence and everything. I remember when I finally moved back to Lagos to hustle for the making of my album, wearing hair attachment, and people were jerking me around, calling me all sorts of names. And I don’t blame them because I was looking like some weird freak. When you know how big your dreams are, you don’t let anyone stand in your way. I survived thanks to a woman I met who helped me regain my confidence and get back up on my feet. Her name is Tina Onwudiwe, you can’t write Charly Boy’s history without mentioning that name. She always believed in me even when I didn’t believe in myself. I submitted completely to her. I didn’t even think because I was a man and allowed my ego to get the better of me. I love strong women. “Be a man!” How do you explain that to a 5-year-old boy? If you are hurt, you have to cry. I cry a lot when things affect me in a certain kind of way. Being a man doesn’t mean you have to be insensitive to feelings, I don’t subscribe to that. Being a man also means having respect and discipline, it is not just doing as you like. If you are a father, be a great dad. If you’re a husband, respect your partner, and that’s what I call being a man. It doesn’t give you the leeway to do anyhow. Cover Story Images by Gift Eghator @graphedbyblue Pink tulle by Stella Emami @firstladyng Makeup by Seidu Bika Munirat @munictouch for Flawlessivy Cosmetics @flawlessivycosmetics Nails by Bold Nailz @boldkraftnailz Styling & Art Direction by Zubby Eneoma @zubbydefinition

People question your masculinity. If you are effeminate, people tend to shush you and accuse you of not being man enough... Can anyone shush Charly Boy? Charly Boy will always be whatever he wants to be. And that is why I respect the brand myself because I can never be Charly Boy. That is an image I hide under to do the things I ordinarily wouldn’t do. Ordinarily, I am a shy person, an introvert, and keeping up with Charly Boy can be tiring and weird sometimes, but because I see the brand as a Flamengo, a youthful brand that people have come to love even though they didn’t understand it initially, but it’s something people have come to admire because of its consistency, tenacity, and sagacity, so I think it’s a good thing. Can we meet you as Charles Chukwuemeka Oputa? That’s who is talking to you and that’s why we’re talking about Charly Boy in the third person. That is a brand, Charly Boy doesn’t exist. It is a superhero from the figment of my imagination. He is just a character, like Odudubariba in King of Boys. You are very much in touch with your feminine side, unlike most Nigerian men. In a world where men’s struggles aren’t exactly publicised, what are some of the challenges men go through that don’t make it to society’s ears? What we discussed earlier, “You are a man, don’t cry, you have to endure it.”

... I have been studying them for the past 70 years and I know that they are the stronger gender. So if a man wants to be stronger, go and understudy a woman, even though it is impossible to completely know them. We should try to imbibe a lot of women’s demeanours, it doesn’t make one less of a man, it makes one a better man.” PAGE 10

People don’t consider that a struggle though. That is why the pressure is so much on the man. It is a struggle because nobody is paying attention to the problems of a man simply because we are expected to put up a strong exterior and be silent about it, meanwhile the man is dying. You have been married for so long. How do you reckon a man can make a marriage work for that long? I have been married for 43 years. I think after three to four marriages, I have become an expert *laughs*. When people ask me about marriage and add that “you must love your wife,” I often smirk. Love isn’t how it seems in novels, those things are frivolous. In two to three years, familiarity sets in, and people take each other for granted. So marriage is more than the good sex or your partner’s social class. Marriage is about management, perseverance, deep sincere friendship, communication, and mutual respect. These are the qualities that give a marriage life and longevity. It is not about living in ‘la-la land,’ it is not about love. Marriage is a lot of work. Chineke! The lines between genders are becoming blurred and it is becoming more commonplace with the gradual acceptance of the LGBTQ community in today’s society. Do you reckon that that would do us

more good than harm, seeing how the government has reacted to their freedom with laws prohibiting their existence? We can’t be this conservative and backward forever. The world has suddenly shrunk and it has become a global village. Don’t get me wrong, there are good things to copy, likewise, there are bad things as well, but an individual’s preference of their sexuality is personal and I don’t see all the hue and fuss about it. To each his own and whatever makes you happy, you do. I will always be for the rights of the LGBTQ community because I think everybody should be free to express themselves the way they choose and what works for them. That is the bottom line, and who is to judge? Not us. So if Nigeria is finally coming around, it is a good thing because the world is changing. It doesn’t mean that we have to copy everything. Also, to enunciate on that, who is copying who here? Being gay and lesbianism have been in existence for centuries but because we are a bunch of hypocrites, we are never ourselves, so everybody is pretending to be who they are not. That is why when the law on homosexuality was passed, I was just laughing because some of the people making the laws are homosexuals, so I don’t understand what they are talking about. You had a fallout with your daughter when she came out to you about her sexuality. Tell us about that and your relationship with her now. Fatherhood is not an easy thing. Especially when you’re coming from the old school era, a time when we didn’t have the internet or social media. Nobody was born to be a father; we make it up as we go. But I think what makes a good father is making your children your friends, so they can be free to share whatever with you. I’d rather my children come to me to discuss their challenges and the issues of life than go to total strangers because the little wisdom I have today is from years of failure. I’ve failed in so many things just as much as I have succeeded. I guess my daughter was really pissed with me because she was saying, “Daddy, allow me to tell my own story.” And I appreciate her because I raised my children to be independent and speak up, not to be sheepish. Because of the father I am, I apologised for how I initially handled it. Regardless of her sexuality, as long as she’s happy and not involved in anything negative that brings shame to the family, it is okay, everyone is responsible for their happiness. That experience was a great teaching moment for me: don’t go trying to build your child in your own image and likeness. If the child wants to go in a different direction, as long as it doesn’t affect them negatively or cause them unhappiness, support them. Did you raise your sons differently from the

THEWILL DOWNTOWN

VOL 1 NO.41 • NOVEMBER 21 – NOVEMBER 27, 2021

COVER way you raised your daughters - to be more like men? Whether male or female, I’ve taught my children to be sensitive and kind in whatever they do. I raised my daughters as soldiers also - not to take any bullshit crap from any man. And I brought my sons up with the mindset that it is okay to cry, it is okay to have low self-esteem, as long as you understand what is happening. There is a recipe for everything in life except death. I brought both my daughters and sons up to be warriors because life is tough. I’m not into a lot of macho things, so that doesn’t factor in the way I raised my sons. I raised them to be independent, to ask questions, and be very curious about life so they don’t have a one-track mind. Do you think it is okay for men to have communities where they can express themselves and seek help emotionally and mentally? I think it is a bloody good idea. Unfortunately, seeking professional help isn’t as commonplace over here as it is in first-world countries as poverty is a big constraint. Person wen never chop no fit afford therapy. The most important thing in life that we neglect is mental health. You can’t be mentally alright merely living in Nigeria except you make a conscious effort to protect your mental health. The years of brainwashing that has said that we must take charge even when things aren’t going our way, neglecting the fact that we all can’t be that strong and it is okay. There is so much pressure placed on the man. So if they are falling short, I don’t blame them. Men are expected to dress a certain way, which you obviously don’t conform with. How would you describe your style? I guess how people have seen me for the longest time would be in a gothic light. I see the Charly Boy brand as a classic, a special edition, not your regular trendy look. I also love a casual look. I love the freedom of being able to sit on park benches whenever I feel like it, so I usually just go around wearing a casual -fit. And I buy my clothes from okirika, I don’t spend heavily on designers. For instance, I buy my wristwatches from traffic hawkers, and people don’t believe it when I say my watch cost me four thousand naira. Most of the things I wear on my body are madein-Nigeria brands, and people don’t believe that. I don’t have to show off in ridiculously expensive foreign designers, I am already Charly Boy.

doesn’t mean that they are not thinking straight or they are sick. Just like how a lot of people are right-handed, but some people are lefthanded too. There are hermaphrodites too. So if a man says they feel more comfortable being a woman and they feel trapped in a man’s body, I understand that to the “t.” ...And those of them who say they are neither male nor female, and go by the pronouns “they/them - the non-binary?” I understand them as well. I am not your regular everyday Nigerian, I am a global person, and anything that’s happening around the world, I study it but it’s not for me to judge. I am only concerned about the beauty of a person’s soul. ‘Are you sensitive, are you kind?’ those are the things I’m looking for. I don’t care about anybody’s sexual preference, which one be my own?

when you hurt a woman, she is most likely going to cry. Men should learn all of that. I see women as very intriguing. I have been studying them for the past 70 years and I know that they are the stronger gender. So if a man wants to be stronger, go and understudy a woman, even though it is impossible to completely know them. We should try to imbibe a lot of women’s demeanours, it doesn’t make one less of a man, it makes one a better man.

In your opinion, what are some of the unique qualities of masculinity and why do you think women are attracted to you even though you don’t portray them? I ask some of my female friends why they are attracted to my person. A lot of them have said it is my vulnerability. Oftentimes they can’t believe that it is the same Charly Boy that breaks down in front of them. For some of them, it is my ability to say it as it is, I don’t have secrets. Some women find that attractive for whatever reason because a typical man has his ego and fear to battle with, so they put up a facade most times. I don’t care, I shout to my friends when I am frustrated, I seek their help when I’m depressed. I have no problem talking about my problems. A lot of men bottle things up, they are afraid to say certain things so people don’t think of them as less of a man. I cry a lot, even when I’m in a room full of women; and I’ve learnt not to carry things over. Is there anything concerning masculinity that you’d like to say a few words about? Men should learn to think like a woman. How do you mean? When a woman doesn’t like a situation, everyone hears about it. They do a lot of consultation. Also,

What is the intersection between your masculinity and your style? Do you sometimes try to show your manliness through fashion? I dress according to my mood. Sometimes I feel like Linda, so I dress like Linda. When I feel like Odudubariba, I dress like that. Everything is subject to my mood swings and I have a lot of that. No apologies either. More people are toeing the line of the non-binary. Biology says they’re a man but they don’t identify as one. What are your thoughts on this? I sympathize with their position; I have a lot of friends that way. Before I used to say, “How can?” but I’ve discovered that there are a lot of things in this world that I’m ignorant about, so I had taken time to research. And truly from my research, some people feel trapped in a body that they don’t think that they deserve. It

PAGE 11

VOL 1 NO.41 • NOVEMBER 21 – NOVEMBER 27, 2021

THEWILL DOWNTOWN

WELLNESS Charlie Wilson

Halle Berry

Prostate Cancer: All you need to know BY KEHINDÉ FAGBULE What are the symptoms of prostate cancer? If the cancer is caught at its earliest stages, most men will not experience any symptom. Some men, however, will experience symptoms such as frequent, hesitant, or burning urination, difficulty in having an erection, or pain or stiffness in the lower back, hips or upper thighs. Because these symptoms can also indicate the presence of other diseases or disorders, men who experience any of these symptoms will undergo a thorough work-up to determine the underlying cause of the symptoms.

rostate cancer is one of the leading causes of death in men. But this shouldn’t scare you. If detected early, it is not fatal. Over the years, we’ve seen many men bounce back from it Charlie Wilson, Robert De Niro, Ben Stiller, Warren Buffet, to name a few. Here are the frequently asked questions about the disease.

How common is prostate cancer? Prostate cancer is the most common non-skin cancer in men and the fourth most common tumour diagnosed worldwide. Black men are over 75% more likely to develop prostate cancer than Caucasian men and are more than twice as likely to die from the disease. A man is more likely to develop prostate cancer than he is to develop colon, kidney, melanoma, and stomach cancers combined. Are some men more likely to be diagnosed with prostate cancer? The chance of being diagnosed with prostate cancer increases rapidly after age 50. About 6 in 10 of all prostate cancers are diagnosed in men over the age of 65. Prostate cancer is among the most heritable of the major human cancers; It is estimated that more than half (57%) of prostate cancer risk is due to genetic factors. How curable is prostate cancer? As with all cancers, “cure” rates for prostate cancer describe the percentage of patients likely remaining disease-free for a specific time. In general, the earlier the cancer is caught, the more likely it is for the patient to remain disease-free. Because approximately 90% of all prostate cancers are detected in the local and regional stages, the cure rate for prostate cancer is very high—nearly 100% of men diagnosed at this stage will be disease-free after five years. By contrast, in the 1970s, only 67% of men diagnosed with local or regional prostate cancer were disease-free after five years.

PAGE 12

If there are no symptoms, how is prostate cancer detected? Screening for prostate cancer can be performed in a physician’s office using two tests: the PSA (prostate-specific antigen) blood test and the digital rectal exam (DRE). How is prostate cancer treated? There are a wide variety of treatment options available for men with prostate cancer, including surgery, radiation therapy, hormone therapy and chemotherapy, any or all of which might be used at different times depending on the stage of disease and the need for treatment. Consultation with all three types of prostate cancer specialists—a urologist, a radiation oncologist and a medical oncologist—will offer the most comprehensive assessment of the available treatments and expected outcomes. For men with advanced disease or an increased risk due to family history or lifestyle, precision treatments based on genetic screening may be recommended. What can I do to help prevent prostate cancer? 1. Eat fewer calories and exercise more so that you maintain a healthy weight.

2. Try to keep the quantity ntity of fat you get from m oducts to a minimum. red meat and dairy products 3. Watch your calcium intake intake. Do not take supplemental doses far above the recommended daily allowance. Some calcium is OK, but avoid taking more than 1,200 mg per day. 4. Eat more fish – evidence from several studies suggest that fish can help protect against prostate cancer because they have “good fat,” particularly omega-3 fatty acids. Avoid trans-fatty acids (for example, in margarine). 5. Incorporate cooked tomatoes (prepared with olive oil), which may be beneficial, and cruciferous vegetables (like broccoli and cauliflower) into many of your weekly meals. Soy-based foods and green tea are also potential dietary components that may be helpful. 6. Avoid smoking for many reasons. Drink alcohol in moderation, if at all. 7. Seek medical treatment for stress, high blood pressure, diabetes, high cholesterol, and depression. Treating these conditions may save your life and will improve your survivorship with prostate cancer. 8. Avoid over-supplementation with megavitamins. While a multivitamin is not likely to be harmful, you probably don’t need it if you follow a healthy diet with lots of fruits, vegetables, whole grains, fish, and healthy oils. Ask your doctor about herbal supplements as some may harm you or interfere with treatment. 9. Relax and enjoy life. Reducing stress in the workplace and home will improve your survivorship and lead to a longer, happier life. 10. For men 40 or older, or those with a family history of prostate cancer, it is best to discuss the risks and benefits of screening with a PSA test and, if indicated, a rectal examination, with your doctor. What should you do if you or someone you love has just been diagnosed with prostate cancer? There are many options for treatment at all stages of prostate cancer. If you are diagnosed with prostate cancer, make sure to get on the “right track”: that is, the right team, the right tests, and the right treatments, right from the start.

THEWILL DOWNTOWN

VOL 1 NO.41 • NOVEMBER 21 – NOVEMBER 27, 2021

BEAUTY

MAKE-UP FOR HIM Express Their )HPLQLQLW\b Men can be very feminine, and women can also be very masculine. Gender they say is an “illusion” so for some men, makeup can be used to break that gender barrier. Whilst using make-up is a personal choice, it can also simply be about creating and embracing the best possible version of themselves.

Tavaris Jefferson

Form of Art or )XQ $FWLYLW\b Make-up can also be considered as art - a beautiful form of expression from an artist. For some men, It can be a colourful, fun way to express their creativity and experiment with products and styles in make-up artistry. This can be an exciting process especially for the male beauty influencers who want to feel more visible and inclusive in the beauty industry.

Denrele Edun

Poetic Drugs

PRODUCTS

Diana Ross 1960

BY SOPHIA ( ' , 6 ,b

he cosmetics industry carries feminine connotations and it has been dominated and targeted by products solely focused on the female population for so long that we often forget that some time in history, make-up was allowed and even prompted by men. However, the mainstream perception has begun to change as more options for men’s beauty are becoming acceptable and typically a norm in today’s lifestyle. More products are now being launched with men as their specific targets and giving a rise to unisex beauty. Let’s look at some of the possible reasons why some men choose to wear make-up.

Beard B Be and and Brow Brow Filler Filille ler WAR WAR PAINT PAIN PA INTT Traceless Soft Matte Foundation TOM FORD H d ating Colo eccttoo Hydrating Color Co Corrector CLINIQUE

ng G el Bronzing Gel RYXX STRYX

Enhancement of $SSHDUDQFHb

Enioluwa Adeoluwa

It’s not a male or female thing to want to look good. Using cosmetics allow a man to define the shape of his face, give himself a strong jawline, and bring out his best features especially if he is in show business. Just like in any setting with most women, looking polished can give you a sense of self-confidence which makes men feel a little better about their appearance.

Conc Co ncea nc e l an ea andd Correct Corr Co Corr rrec e t Palette ec Pale Pa lettttt e le Conceal MAC

3 in 1 Eye Pencil BOY DE CHANEL

Veil Concealer Pen MMUK MAN

Velvet Liquid Lipstick MMUK MAN

PAGE 13

THEWILL THEWILL DOWNTOWN DOWNTOWN

VOL 1 NO.41 • NOVEMBER 21 – NOVEMBER 27, 2021

BY BOLUWATIFE ADESINA

Movie Review:

MOVIES THAT WILL MAKE YOU A BETTER MAN

Scan this with your camera to access the playlist (Spotify)

Playlist for the week

b bb7KH Shawshank Redemption Synopsis: When a banker is wrongly imprisoned for the murders of his wife and her lover, he resolves to retain his dignity in the face of the humiliation imposed upon him by the authorities -- all the while planning a daring escape. Why you should watch it: Because even in the darkest hours, a little bit of kindness goes a long way.

b b*RRG :,// Hunting Synopsis: An MIT professor takes a troubled young janitor under his wing when he spots the latter’s potential as a mathematical genius. The challenge the professor faces isn’t helping his mentee cope with math but urging him to use his abilities for good and bet on himself -- as he is -- for a change.

Synopsis b7KRXJK ERUQ ZLWK D FXUYHG spine and a lower-than-average IQ, Forrest Gump’s can-do spirit and supportive mother enable him to live an incredibly eventful life. One where he becomes an American sports star, a Medal of Honor-winning veteran, and one of the initial people to invest in Apple. But in spite of winning hearts all over the country, he still can’t seem to woo the only woman he has ever loved. :K\ \RX VKRXOG ZDWFK LW bBecause through the decades and at some of the most important moments in history, Forrest Gump exemplifies everything a man should be.

b b b7KH 3XUVXLW RI Happyness Synopsis: Based on a true story, a homeless salesman in his late 30s takes up a job as an intern at a prestigious brokerage while struggling to not only provide for his young son but also be a role model for him. Why you should watch it: Because every guy needs a reminder to be the best man he can be, no matter the circumstances.

Bruno Mars_ Anderson .Paak_ Silk Sonic - Blast Off

Summer Walker_ Ari Lennox Unloyal (with Ari Lennox)

Reekado Banks - Ozumba Mbadiwe

Wild Side- Normani & Cardi B

Timaya_ Buju - Cold Outside

Mackgee - Window

Mayorkun_ Victony - Holy Father

Fave - Baby Riddim

Snoh Aalegra - DO 4 LOVE

b bb)RUUHVW *XPS

Why you should watch it: Because moving on to better things requires you to deal with your demons but it’s worth the effort.

PAGE 14

Scan this with your camera to access the playlist (Apple Music)

b bb5RFN\ 6\QRSVLV bAn amateur (and largely unsuccessful) boxer from a working-class neighbourhood rises to a challenge from the incumbent world heavyweight champion thanks to the help of a feisty coach who believes in him -- and helps him believe in himself. :K\ \RX VKRXOG ZDWFK LW bBecause it’s OK to aspire for bigger things, no matter where you come from; and it’s OK to fail to achieve them as long as you try

Netflix Watch of the Week

Passing Passing, out now on Netflix, is one of those unmissable films. It tells the story of two women Irene and Clare, both mixed-race childhood friends who reunite in middle-class adulthood in New York City. The two become more and more intertwined in each other’s lives, and though they have much in common there is one big difference: Irene (Tessa Thompson, Thor) identifies as African-American and is married to a black doctor Brian (André Holland, Moonlight) while Clare (Ruth Negga, Preacher) “passes” as white and is married to a racist white man (Alexander Skarsgard, Big Little Lies). The tension that this creates between the two women is palpable, but not only because of the way it draws lines between them in terms of class and society but because of what still permeates that line: their shared childhood and something recognisable in the other; as Irene describes it, a thing that cannot be registered. Thompson and Negga are unparalleled. While Thompson

simmers below the surface, Negga’s Clare is spilling out, her words far more barbed even in their sugary sweetness. Negga only slightly outshines Thompson, but this is likely down to the fact that Clare is the character whose conflict drives the main story – Irene is reacting. Behind the camera, Rebecca Hall directs with a light touch, allowing her actors to fill up the screen – whether it’s their faces taking up space or the sweeping and stark visuals: Clare’s body in the snow, the demure bow of Irene’s head, face hidden behind a hat. Each move is deliberate and perfectly orchestrated and the film feels as if it was made ZLWK QRWKLQJ OHIW WR FKDQFH b It’s hard to articulate quite how viscerally tense the

J’ray - Dance energy is between the two women. Every moment is unrelenting and imbued with so much meaning that the movie demands a second watch. Thompson and Negga’s faces tell far more than their words. PassingbLV RQH RI WKRVH UDUH ILOPV WKDW is both full of unique and moving parts, and when those are put together into a final product none of their individual power is lost. This is a testament to Hall’s ability to tease drama out of the smallest moments, stolen glances, and trembling hands. And, of course, to its leading women without whom this story could feel like stock characters moving across a playing board on a prescribed plot – less Greek tragedy and more paint by numbers. It isn’t luck, but rather the immense talent of everyone involved that has madeb3DVVLQJbLQWR WKH KDUURZLQJ personal, and infinitely watchable film that it is.

THEWILL DOWNTOWN

VOL 1 NO.41 • NOVEMBER 21 – NOVEMBER 27, 2021

THE SCENE DOWNTOWN

A Hypnotizing Evening of

BEAUTY BY ONAH NWACHUKWU

eauty powerhouse, MAC Cosmetics recently hosted make-up artists, celebrities, and influencers to a glamorous evening of bubbly and hors d’oeuvres as they (attendees) waited to be introduced to the Holiday Collection. Hosts- Taymesan & Lola Oj beckoned on the guests to step into the dining suite, where they were treated to a three-course meal, after Damilola Lawal- Retail Operations Manager, MAC Cosmetics Nigeria, gave the welcome address which she ended by cuing a video of American rapper, Saweetie playing with some of her favorite products from the same collection. There was also a masterclass by Yomi Odu-Onikosi showing guests the magical features of the collection which also involved doing a demo on Taymesan - transforming him into a glowdini. It was indeed a magical evening.

DAMILOLA LAWAL

IMAN WAHID & DORATHY BACHOR

POWEDE AWUJO

NNENNA OKOY

ANGEL OBASI

BEVERLY NAYA B

BEVERLY OSU

ALEX UNUSUAL & KIM OPRAH

BANKE MESHIDA LAWAL

BOLANLE OLUKANNI

SASKAY

IFEOMA WILLIAMS & ONYINYE LOLA OJ & TAYMESAN LO

SHARON OOJA

DODOS

STEPHANIE COKER

EKI OGUNBOR

EZINNE CHINKATA

EZINNE ALFA

ZAYNEE KARMANI

LISA FOLAWIYO

PAGE 15

VOL 1 NO.41 • NOVEMBER 21 – NOVEMBER 27, 2021

THEWILL DOWNTOWN

FEATURE

“Be A Man!” An Effeminate Manifesto BY KEHINDÉ FAGBULE

Credit: T-Rights

here are two genders. Wait a minute, there are 72 genders. Our fixation on gender identity and sexual orientation have been hot topics both online and offline for years. A middle ground doesn’t seem to exist in this particular subject matter. Regardless of what you think of gender identity and its expression, there are two constants on the ends of the spectrum: the traditional man and woman. You are aware of the subtle messages that creep into our human interactions. The quiet “Aren’t you supposed to be a man?” we often mutter. The murmurs of “Why are you acting like a woman?” we even sometimes yell in a bid to stress the perceived dominance and sheer physical and mental strength that is expected of a man. These gave birth to the ideologies of toxic masculinity. What makes a man so different from a woman? In 1992, American author and relationship counsellor John Gray wrote a book titled Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus, which states that the most common relationship problems between men and women are a result of fundamental psychological differences between the sexes. Gray states when male tolerance to stressful situations is exceeded, they withdraw temporarily, “retreating into their cave”, so to speak. Often, they retreat: for example, to the garage, or to go spend time with friends. In their “caves”, men (writes Gray) are not necessarily focused on the problem at hand. Gray holds that male retreat into the cave has historically been hard for women to understand. When women become unduly stressed, their natural reaction is to talk with someone close about it (even if talking doesn’t provide a solution to the problem at hand). This sets up a natural dynamic where the man retreats as the woman tries to get closer, which becomes a major source of conflict between them. Despite its popularity, the book has been criticised for placing human psychology in stereotypes. British clinical psychologist Simon Baron-Cohen compares Gray’s bestseller and states: “the view that men are from Mars and women Venus paints the differences between the two sexes as too extreme. The two sexes are different, but are not so different that we cannot understand each other.”

PAGE 16

both masculine traits of stoic logic In 2005, Janet Shibley Hyde from the University and feminine traits of empathy and of Wisconsin-Madison introduced the gender compassion. The realisation that similarities hypothesis, which suggests that other people are trying to better their males and females are similar on most, but not own living experience and it doesn’t all, psychological variables. The research focused threaten ours. on cognitive variables (for example, reading The ‘elephant’ expectations society comprehension, mathematics), communication has placed on the shoulders of a man (for example, talkativeness, facial expressions), is the price we pay for the power we social and personality (for example, aggression, have been accorded. As a man, we sexuality), psychological well-being, and motor are expected to be leaders and to have behaviours. A few exceptions were some motor everything in order. The entitlement behaviours (such as throwing distance) and of several men to demand honour some aspects of sexuality (such as attitudes and respect they have done absolutely about casual sex), which show the largest gender nothing to earn. differences. She concludes her article by stating: As a man, the vulnerability that leads “It is time to consider the costs of overinflated to talking about our feelings and claims of gender differences. Arguably, they sharing our problems with loved ones cause harm in numerous realms, including is frowned upon. The audacity to dare women’s opportunities in the workplace, couple to be anything other than stone-cold, conflict and communication, and analyses of selfwhich in turn forces several men to esteem problems among adolescents.” Hyde also fake an exterior that is hard, hence stated elsewhere that “variations within genders defensive. This is a core reason for are greater than variations between genders.” most men’s mental health struggles. Standards of manliness vary across different How to think or act as a man has cultures and historical periods. Traits become so commonplace in our traditionally viewed as masculine in society subconscious. We don’t think about it include strength, courage, independence, a lot, yet we have ascribed its meaning leadership, and assertiveness. As expected, and held on to it as our truth. What these are sharp contrasts from the stereotypical does it mean to be a man? In between feminine traits such as nurturance, sensitivity, all of the scientific research and what sweetness, supportiveness, gentleness, warmth, the religious holy books say, I sincerely passivity, cooperativeness, expressiveness, have no clue. But I know what it modesty, humility, empathy, affection, means to be human and I try to be the tenderness, and being emotional, kind, helpful, best version of that with each day that devoted, and understanding. passes. For so long men have been expected to have a rough exterior. In most cultures, men who display qualities considered feminine are often stigmatized and labelled as weak. Effeminate men are often associated with homosexuality, although femininity is not necessarily related to a man’s sexuality. Because men are pressured to be masculine and heterosexual, feminine men are assumed to be gay or queer because of how they perform their gender. This assumption limits the way one is allowed to express one’s gender and sexuality. When we have gender conversations, it often ultimately gets the resolution that men are logical and women emotional. This ideology is harmful because then we are narrowing down the human experience to a black or white verdict. It is possible to exhibit In the West, 75% of suicides in 2017 were male

Credit: Forbes