Handbook for the (Eventually) Deceased

by Rebecca Eyman, Partner Coyle & Eyman Elder Law

Jerry Seinfeld once said, “A recent survey stated that the average person’s greatest fear is having to give a speech in public. Somehow this ranked even higher than death which was third on the list. So, you’re telling me that at a funeral, most people would rather be the guy in the coffin than have to stand up and give a eulogy.”

While it may not rank among your top fears, death is an uncomfortable topic for many of us. Thinking and talking about the end of our lives can be difficult. However, there is a new “death positivity movement” in the U.S. and other countries hoping to change our societal perception of death.

A growing profession attempting to dispel the taboo around death is that of end-of-life doulas, or “death doulas.” The term “doula” (which comes from the Greek word meaning “woman who serves”) is most often associated with the birth process; however, doulas can also serve those who are dying.

Death doulas, unlike hospice workers, are not involved in medical issues. Rather, they offer support for clients emotionally, physically, spiritually, and practically. They may be involved for only a few days leading up to death, or for many months following a terminal diagnosis.

According to the International End-of-Life Doula Association, doulas can serve terminal patients and their families in many ways, including:

• Provide the opportunity to speak openly and frankly about dying

• Explore the meaning of the dying person’s life and legacy

• Incorporate traditions or create new rituals to mark special moments

• Provide respite for exhausted caregivers

• Guide people through the early stages of grieving

There have also been novel advances in methods of counseling for the terminally ill. In Canada, physicians can request to have access to psilocybin (more commonly known as “magic mushrooms”) to be used for psychedelic-assisted therapy to address end-of-life anxiety.

Psychedelics encourage two things beneficial for mental health: neurogenesis (the formation of new brain cells) and neuroplasticity (the formation of neural connections in the brain). Psychedelic-assisted therapy allows the user to take a “holiday” from normal throughs, consider new perspectives, and live in the present moment. Those working in this field are facing the double stigma of psychedelic drug use and discussions of death.

Along with the advancement of attitudes towards death and dying, there are many helpful resources for those who need more guidance. One such resource is the book, A Beginner’s Guide to the End, by BJ Miller, MD and Shoshanna Berger. The authors address death and dying in an approachable way that avoids the morbid or maudlin. The book is an attempt to strip away some of the discomfort around the topic.

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A Beginner’s Guide to the End notes some of the loaded terms around illness. Death can be unintentionally conveyed as a failure using phrases like, “Her health is failing.” Aging and the end of life comes for all of us, yet there is an attitude that enough vigilance and effort will keep the end of life at bay.

Aggressive “fighting words” are common when discussing illness and death, such as “beating death” and “battling cancer.” The authors of A Beginner’s Guide to the End argue that, next to birth, death is one of our most profound life experiences, which warrants us getting a little more comfortable with the idea. To this end, the book addresses topics such as planning a legacy or ethical will, understanding hospice and palliative care, communicating with family and friends, and prearranging funeral and burial plans.

Of course, as elder law attorneys, we at Coyle & Eyman think that comprehensive estate planning is a critical part of any conversation about death. We encourage all of our clients to maintain an upto-date will or trust, and Powers of Attorney which nominate your agents and set forth your directives and wishes. We also strive to de-mystify long-term care planning issues.

The attorneys at Coyle & Eyman Elder Law are here to help you navigate these difficult conversations. Call us at (208) 765-3595 or visit cwelp.com to learn more.

Rebecca Eyman is an Elder Law attorney and partner at Coyle & Eyman Elder Law in Coeur d’Alene, Idaho. Rebecca was born and raised in the San Francisco Bay Area, and graduated from the University of San Francisco School of Law in 2012. As an Elder Law attorney, her practice includes estate planning, guardianships/conservatorships, probate/trust administration, and Medicaid/longterm care planning.

• Probates and Trust Estate Administration

• Guardianships and Conservatorship

• Other related Tax, Real Estate, and Financial issues facing seniors

Katherine M. Coyle is the region’s only certified elder law attorney—certified by the National Elder Law Foundation.

Rebecca Eyman and the rest of the team have the expertise and experience to guide you and your family each step of the way.