Waiting at the Crosswalk since 1895
VOLUME 139 ISSUE 1 APRIL 2022
@XAVERIANWEEKLY
Town to Officially Recognize Liquor Lane ISABELLE VAUTOUR
It was recently announced that the town of Antigonish would officially be recognizing the trail connecting StFX to Church Street as Liquor Lane. The trail has famously been dubbed “Liquor Lane” as it provides a direct path from campus to the complex that houses NSLC as well as several other shops. The trail is often frequented by students as well as community members for ease of access to said shops and, of course, NSLC. In a recent interview with mayor Laurie Boucher, she said that it was only a matter of time before the town officially recognized Liquor Lane as the legitimate name of the trail and that it was time for community members to get onboard with the idea. The decision comes after the town of Antigonish’s coun-
cil voted 4-3 to officially approve the renaming. The town will be hosting a ceremony on Saturday, March 26th to plant the official signs with Liquor Lane’s new name. Refreshments will be provided, and various local news networks have been invited to attend, as well as the university’s administration. The ceremony will begin at 2 p.m. with the unveiling of the new street signs and will close at 4 p.m. Mayor Boucher is expected to make a statement as well as Dr. Hakin. The ceremony is sure to be interesting and all are encouraged to attend.
pected to pave Liquor Lane and fix the potholes so that it can be more enjoyable to all who walk there. The projects involving Liquor Lane are just a few on a list of improvements approved by the town for the StFX campus, with more expected later on in the year. While the decision will no doubt cause controversy, especially with some of the older residents of Antigonish, it was a long time coming and students around campus will surely appreciate the change.
In the following months, the town is also ex-
StFX Student Becomes Niche Micro-Influencer for New “Anti-Hangover” Cure KRISTINA DANYK
In the wake of St. Patrick’s Day weekend, a StFX student has gained thousands of followers after promoting a new anti-hangover solution. The student claims the drink to be a cure-all and demonstrated its effectiveness by vlogging their experience on their Instagram page Thursday through Sunday. Viewers of this livestream were able to see the miracles this new drink offered. Students watched as their peer had a weekend out on the town and, to the envy of many, woke up fine the next morning. The shock was palpable, most unable to believe the sight before them and expressing their astonishment in the live chat. Soon it became clear that the miracle really was because of the product the student was promoting, and their page gained followers by the hundreds. This shocking phenomenon was soon spread beyond StFX’s campus. The news first reached Acadia before spreading to Dalhousie, Queen’s, and Western University. From there, it was not long until the whole of Canada’s student population had seen clips
from the StFX student’s livestream. This caught the company’s attention, and they quickly reached out to the new micro-influencer. When asked about the deal they were able to cut with the company for the continuing promotion of the product, the student did not disclose the amount, only joking that it was “enough to pay for my next few benders.” Coming in a quantity of only a shot or two, the product’s slogan hits the nail on the head, promoting it as “small but mighty.” After the exponential boom in sales, scientists are looking into what combination of ingredients could produce such effective results. The company, however, is keeping their recipe under wraps. In a recent interview with the Chief Research Officer, the woman stated that, “although we know many have put in offers to buy our formulas, we will continue to maintain our control over the creation of our product.” The ‘many’ the woman referred to include local breweries as well as companies such as the Atlantic Superstore, Nike, and Microsoft.
Although they are keeping the formulation secret, the company is allowing the product to be retailed out through other businesses. After seeing an increase in student productiveness and efficiency throughout the week as students are able to get up earlier and spend less time in recovery, the StFX administrative staff have decided to make the product available for purchase at all food services on campus, including Morrison Hall and The Inn. Additionally, the student-turned-micro-influencer will have a table at Antigonish’s farmer’s market every Saturday morning, now starting bright and early. The success of this student only shows the intuition and determination of students here at StFX. These amazing young people can put their best foot forward and stamp their mark on the world, leaving it a better place than it was before they came into it. This event should inspire others to reach for their goals, showing that it is not always as impossible as one might think
Mystery Pantser Strikes Campus RICHARD N. CIDER
Imagine if you will that you are walking to class one morning. You stop on the corner next to Starbucks and wave to a friend. When you begin your trek up the treacherous Mulroney steps, you suddenly trip. You notice, as you catch yourself, passersby stare and laugh at you, some even pull out their phones and record videos or take pictures of you. Assessing yourself, you realize your pants are around your ankles—you have been pantsed. This exact scenario and similar situations have occurred at StFX in recent weeks. These pantsing events happen without warning or notable calling cards from whatever person (or even group of persons) is behind this. They happen out of the blue at any time and place inside or outdoors, but always in crowded areas. Based on social media posts and word of mouth, it appears no less than one hundred community members of StFX have fallen victim to these pantsings. Students who have been pantsed have claim these
events have made them tardy to classes, turned them into laughing stocks, and induced general paranoia. “I never expected anyone would find out I go commando,” said one student. “I chipped a tooth because my pants made me trip,” said another.
seconds of each other. However, investigators have dismissed any possibilities of supernatural involvement. It is more likely that an underground group of pantser has formed among the StFX community and seeks to wreak havoc throughout the remainder of this semester, and possibly for years to come.
These pantsings have not been limited to students. One professor (who will go unnamed) lectured for a full hour before realizing he too had been pantsed. “I was wondering why everyone seemed so chatty today,” he said. “They kept snickering and pulling out their phones. I didn’t pay any attention until an hour in, which is when I noticed the breeze around my legs.”
Campus safety recommends students penguin shuffle back-to-back when traversing campus. Walmart has also offered a discount on all suspenders for pants in order to help quell the rash of pantsings. Some innovative students have fastened razorblades to the waistbands of their pants to prevent their own pantsings.
As stated prior, it is unknown if these pantsings are to blame on a singular perpetrator or organized gangs of pantsers. One leading theory is that this mystery pantser has superhuman speed or the ability of teleportation, thus allowing them to pants more than one person within
Until next time, keep your eyes peeled, remain vigilant, and don’t get caught with your pants down.