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Cover Photo: Professor Olutoye Oluyinka
Rear Admiral (Rtd) Oladeinde Joseph, Chairman, Board of Trustees
Pharm. Samson Igbokwe
Dear readers,
EDITORIAL
Bimbo Komolafe Editor
Welcome to the latest edition of Thinking Aloud magazine, where we delve into stories that inspire, empower, and shed light on remarkable individuals making a difference in our world.
Our cover story features the extraordinary journey of Professor Olutoye Oluyinka, an internationally renowned fetal surgeon whose clinical expertise and groundbreaking surgical procedures have garnered global recognition. Professor Olutoye's specialization in fetal and neonatal surgery, particularly in congenital diaphragmatic hernia and complex wounds, has showcased the remarkable possibilities of modern medicine. His collaboration with a dedicated team resulted in a miraculous surgery on an unborn baby, earning the moniker 'the baby born twice.'
For a person born into an enviable pedigree where his parents are Major General (rtd) Olufemi Olutoye, the traditional ruler of Ido Ani, and Prof. Mrs. Omotayo Olutoye, (First Female Professor of Yoruba Studies in the world), his humility is exemplary. His intentionality in showing his unwavering and deep Christian faith was evident during the interview. Our readers will get to meet the other side of Professor Olutoye as the interview promises to reveal a previously unknown side of him.
At RDSF, our mission remains steadfast in supporting indigent students to fulfil their educational dreams and achieve economic empowerment. We proudly share the inspiring story of Comfort Abolaji, whose life was transformed through RDSF's sponsorship and educational initiative. We extend our gratitude to all RDSF sponsors and partners whose support has changed the narratives of numerous Nigerians, exemplified by Comfort's journey.
Our Trustees' Corner features Mrs. Abimbola Komolafe, co-founder of the Rehoboth Dream Solid Foundation (RDSF). Her passion for supporting indigent students and her vision for the future of RDSF highlight the importance of education in achieving economic empowerment and changing lives.
The Fitness Corner showcases Captain (Nigerian Navy) M. A. K. Ahmed, a military leader who emphasizes the importance of maintaining physical fitness amidst demanding schedules. His dedication to wellness serves as a reminder of the holistic approach to personal well-being.
Continuing our commitment to health awareness, we present the concluding part of an enlightening extract from the book titled "Mental health for the average Joe" by Dr. Marcia Verduin and Pastor Keith Tower. Additionally, our guest columnist, Mrs. Abimbola Lawuyi, an esteemed educationist, provides valuable insights into the significance of being present in the lives of preteens and teens, fostering meaningful connections and understanding.
As we navigate through the pages of this edition, may the stories within ignite inspiration, foster empowerment, and encourage a deeper commitment to making a positive impact in our communities.
Thank you for joining us on this enlightening journey.
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LET’S TALK!
BEING PRESENT IN YOUR PRE-TEEN & TEEN’S LIFE
by Abimbola Lawuyi
Afamily is a place where members create lasting memories, share joyous moments, and strengthen their bonds through shared experiences and quality time spent with one another; a safe haven where individuals feel secure, both physically and emotionally.
It’s a space where members receive words of encouragement, love and positive affirmations. Unfortunately, for most children, especially preteens and teens, the most words they hear from their parents are: 'No!', 'Not today,' and 'I can’t'. This comes as a shock given the shift from the earlier years when the children received constant attention from their parents.
Pre-Teens and Teen interpret these words in various ways. Here are a few:
“My parents don’t care about my feelings.”
“My parents don't trust me to handle things responsibly.”
“I’m not good enough or capable.”
“I am not important to my parents.”
This last point is the essence of this article.
Teenagers who believe their parents don't value them may feel neglected, leading them to seek validation from friends, social media, or other activities, making them more likely to be negatively influenced and even engage in reckless behaviours.
The moments you invest in what truly matters will yield the most valuable returns in the currency of a fulfilled and meaningful life." In making time for your pre-teens and teens, you connect with them and become not just a title but a presence in their lives”.
Here are some tips to help you be more present in your pre-teen and teens' life:
1Open Communication: Foster an environment where your child feels comfortable sharing their thoughts and concerns. Actively listen without judgment, allowing them to express themselves freely. A parent once said, - I never want my child to mess up and think
their parents don't value them may feel neglected, leading them to seek validation from friends, social media, or other activities, making them more likely to be negatively influenced and even engage in reckless behaviours.”
3
Digital Detox: 'Don’t let the phone take the place of genuine human interactions.' Encourage breaks from screens to promote face-to-face interactions. This helps build genuine connections and reduces the distractions that technology often brings.
4
Stay Informed: Stay informed about their interests, friends, and activities. This knowledge allows you to engage in meaningful conversations and shows
gate the ups and downs of life.
6
Set Boundaries: While encouraging independence, it's crucial to establish clear boundaries. Knowing that you care about their well-being provides a sense of security for your teenager.
7
Lead by Example: Demonstrate the values and behaviours you want them to adopt. Teens often learn by observing, so be a positive role model in your actions and choices, not just your voices.
“The lessons we teach are often more powerful when lived than when spoken.”
Being present in your pre-teen or teen's life is connecting with them.
“If you cannot connect with your child, you cannot correct them. Influence is not force or control; it is trust. You can only influence a person you are connected to.” - Wendy Ologe.
Your child is craving for your attention. “Children want to be accepted so badly that they sometimes use unacceptable behaviours to gain our attention.” - Wendy Ologe.
I challenge you to use this time to be present in your pre-teen and teen’ s Life Bond with your child. Connect with your child. This can only happen if you create time deliberately.
Remember, they will not remain teenagers forever. Cherish the now, for the teenage years are but a chapter, and soon, the pages will turn; what you see in the next chapter depends on the care and love you invest in this one.
“If you cannot connect with your child, you cannot correct them. Influence is not force or control; it is trust. You can only influence a
Navigating Career Setbacks TURNING CHALLENGES INTO OPPORTUNITIES
Introduction.
Drawing from decades of immersive experiences in the workplace, my journey has intertwined with the journeys of individuals from diverse backgrounds. Through extensive reading, active participation in conferences, seminars, and continuous learning, I have accumulated a wealth of knowledge. In this article, my focus is on navigating and overcoming career setbacks. I am eager to share practical insights gained along the way, hoping they prove invaluable to others in their professional journey.
Acknowledging setbacks.
If you have faced a setback in your career journey, know that you are not alone. Many ambitious individuals, like yourself, experience mo-
ments of shock, denial, and selfdoubt during such times. Particularly challenging is navigating the reality of not meeting expectations, especially if you have not encountered failure in previous positions. Accepting this new reality may be tough, especially when your capabilities are questioned without a chance to prove yourself.
Strategic response.
Research indicates that with a strategic response, a sudden career setback can transform into a springboard for success.
What to do
Analyse the reasons behind your setback, identify areas for growth, and be poised to seize the right opportunity when it presents itself.
Common career setbacks.
Globally, workers face termination, layoffs, or missed promotions every day, due to various factors such as mergers, restructurings, job competition, or personal shortcomings.
Frequently, they navigate through familiar stages of loss, beginning with shock and denial, progressing to anger towards the organization or boss, bargaining for their fate, and eventually enduring a prolonged period of brooding, questioning whether they can regain the respect of their peers and team, or if recovery is even possible. Sadly, some never emerge from this challenging phase.
This tendency is partly due to high achievers often attributing excessive credit to themselves for successes
and placing disproportionate blame on external factors for failures. It reflects an attribution bias that shields self-esteem but can hinder learning and personal growth. Instead of introspecting their own role in a problem, individuals often divert focus to external factors.
Effective rebound strategies. While a few actively pursue candid feedback, many find comfort in sympathetic friends, family, and colleagues who reaffirm their selfperception with statements like 'you deserved that job/promotion' and amplify their sense of injustice with 'you have every right to be angry.'
This reluctance to acknowledge personal responsibility impedes their ability to break free from detrimental behaviours that contributed to their setback. Moreover, it can lead to a reduction in current efforts and a lowering of future expectations in the professional sphere.
Those who effectively rebound from career setbacks take a unique approach. Instead of immersing themselves in grief or blame, they proactively scrutinize their own role in the challenges encountered. They evaluate the accuracy of their understanding of the situation and their responses, reflecting on potential changes if given another opportunity. Actively pursuing feedback from a range of sources, including superiors, peers, and subordinates, they prioritize candid insights over consolation.
Initiate open conversations with your boss, several direct reports, and a select group of trusted colleagues to uncover any potential careerlimiting reputation you may have developed. If feasible, schedule oneon-one meetings with executives within the organisation.
Clearly communicate that your intention is not to reverse the decision but to gain insights into why the adverse decision was necessary. Avoid sounding bitter or criticizing the process or individuals involved. Maintain a positive and confident
tone and an emotional composure, expressing a genuine willingness to learn from any missteps. Not forgetting to acknowledge and appreciate openness when you become aware of your own shortcomings.
Turning setbacks into opportunities. The subsequent step involves impartially assessing the possibility of turning your setback into a success. This may involve considering a different role within your current organization, exploring opportunities in a new company, or contemplating a shift to another industry or career path.
Exploration of available options.
To transform setbacks into opportunities, it is essential to carefully reassess your identity and aspirations. Avoiding career challenges is a typical response to derailment. Some may escape through travel, immerse themselves in busywork, turn to excessive drinking or eating, or withhold thoughts and plans from family and friends. Although these actions may offer mental space for reflection, they rarely lead to a constructive transition. A focused exploration of all available options tends to be a more effective approach.
New opportunities may not surface immediately, and in the aftermath of a setback, it can be challenging to discern them amidst the haze of anger and disappointment. Individuals often grapple with considerable tension as they navigate the conflict between holding onto their existing identities and expectations and embracing change. The status quo has been significantly disrupted, and the shape of future success remains uncertain.
That is why taking time to explore ideas for the next steps can be valuable. Consider speaking with a career counsellor or engaging in therapy to clarify goals and focus on personal development. Another option is taking a temporary leave from your job to pursue further education or testdrive a career interest in a startup or non-profit. A pause can provide the opportunity to discover new mean-
ing in your setback. Seek out others for perspective and advice to help navigate your goals.
Seizing opportunities. Actively seize the right opportunity when it presents itself, aligning with your refined goals and insights gained during your period of exploration.
Transitioning into a new role. Once you have identified possible next steps, it is time to make a choice. Seize the right opportunity within your reach, even if entering unfamiliar career territory feels a bit daunting. As you transition into the new role, remember, your skills and experience from your last job remain valuable. Carry the lessons learned from the setback with you. It might be necessary to redefine your concept of success. Understand the triggers that led to unproductive behaviour in the past and develop coping strategies. Seek a new source of satisfaction and accomplishment in your endeavours.
Consider mentoring the next generation of talent on winning new business. If you are unable to reignite enthusiasm for your current work, investing more discretionary effort into family life, volunteering, or hobbies can be a fulfilling alternative. Recognize that a rich personal life can provide compensation, even if you are not at the forefront of your team or organization.
Importance of Resilience.
While recognizing the importance of resilience and adaptability for career success is common knowledge, not everyone naturally possesses these qualities. Having explicit steps to navigate after a setback proves useful.
Conclusion.
In conclusion, the above outlined approach can effectively transform frustration and self-doubt linked with failure into enthusiasm for embracing new possibilities.
Mental Health
by Dr Marcia Verduin and Pastor Keith
Tower
Challenges and setbacks are not in herently bad. In fact, biblical authors of the caliber of James, Peter, and Paul rejoiced about trials. They instructed believers to rejoice about moments when our Resistance is not enough. Because applying Resilience, in the forms of endurance, perseverance, and overcoming, leads directly to the production of maturity, character, and ultimately hope. These qualities, which seem to be lacking in our current cultural climate, are produced through Resilience. They are not produced by avoiding the hardships that happen in life.
“Challenges and setbacks are not inherently bad. In fact, biblical authors of the caliber of James, Peter, and Paul rejoiced about trials.”
A continuum of Resistance, followed by Resilience, and with the valid option of Recovery, allows for strength, growth, health, and restoration.
Allow me (Keith) a final illustration. When I was a professional basketball player, I witnessed nearly every teammate roll their ankles many, many times. It’s just part of playing ball. I personally have broken my ankle. I have torn ligaments in my ankle. And I have sprained both ankles.
I have had injuries that required ankle surgery. And I have rolled my ankle and continued playing in the game. Whether an ankle roll is a serious injury or a mild twist, they all are incredibly painful initially. It hurts in the pit of your stomach, and you feel like you want to throw up. And every trainer I’ve ever met comes over to the player who has
rolled their ankle and says, Get up and walk it off.” The first offer to Resistance being overwhelmed is Resilience. The first diagnosis for the severity of the injury is whether or not the player can get back up and begin doing again what they were doing.
I have had some rolled ankles where I have gotten up and it really hurt, but I could walk. There are some bumps in life that really hurt emotionally, and I am sorry if you have experienced those.
But “ surgery” should not be the first option. Try to walk it off. You might need an emotional ice pack, so to speak. You might need an emotional brace for a short season. You might emotionally limp a little. But it doesn’t need surgery, so to speak. We need to try to first walk it off.
Apply Resilience and see if you can then re-apply the skills of Resistance and cope with life’s challenges.
There have been other ankle rolls where the trainer has said “get up and walk it off.” I have tried, but I could not stand, let alone walk. The ankle was functionally unable to work properly. The trainer usually doesn’t need to examine it further before they say, “Let’s go see a doctor.” Recovery. Some falls need a doctor. Some emotional hurts need the care of a specialist.
We know which setbacks are which, not based on whether they hurt (all ankle sprains do), but on whether you can use Resilience to re-engage the skills of Resistance. This is how we determine the difference between pain and injury. If one cannot reengage Resistance through Resilience, then additional help and support and intervention (Recovery) become necessary to be able to reengage the skills of Resistance to life’s difficulties.
“If one cannot re-engage Resistance through Resilience, then additional help and support and intervention (Recovery) become necessary to be able to re-engage the skills of Resistance to life’s difficulties.”
Regarding mental and emotional health, we all have a measure of coping skills (Resistance). When these coping skills get stressed, challenged, or overwhelmed, the current cultural pendulum has swung toward counseling and therapy (Recovery).
For certain setbacks, this is 100% appropriate. But a preferred course is to first see if the setback can be overcome by reapplying the coping skills (Resilience). If Resilience leads back to Resistance, then this is the appropriate coping response. If Resistance cannot be accessed through Resilience, then the appropriate response is Recovery. And Recovery,
when done well, leads back to Resistance, whereby we can move through life again with our coping not getting overwhelmed.
In Christian circles, discipleship is the process of building Resistance. Finding peace and strength in Scripture, establishing good community, transforming how you think, living under the Lordship of Jesus, and other spiritual practices help you cope with life in a manner that is meaningful and purposeful. When life takes a challenging turn, coping skills are employed to handle the situation.
When coping systems are insufficient, due to the magnitude of the challenge or the limitations of the coping, then it feels as if life has knocked you over. Resilience would suggest that a renewed focus on Christian community, prayer, worship, etc, could help you overcome the setback so you can reapply the coping skills you possess to move back through life and your journey with Christ.
If you are unable to access these coping skills, or if you turn to dysfunctional means of coping, then you need to move past Resilience and access Recovery.
There is no shame in seeing a counselor, a therapist, a pastor, a doctor, or a specialist. If you cannot reapply the normal coping skills that have helped you previously, that is when you need therapy, and you need Recovery. Some traumas really knock people down, and it is perfectlyplease hear us - it is perfectly okay, it is perfectly filled with faith, it is perfectly fine, to seek Recovery.
If you cannot get your coping skills recalibrated due to something that happened in life, it is totally fine to go seek recovery and to go seek therapy.
“There is no shame in seeing a counselor, a therapist, a pastor, a doctor, or a specialist.”
Seeking therapy for mental or emotional health should be viewed no differently than seeking physical therapy for a physical health setback. If you injure your shoulder and it will not function properly, you would go to a specialist who knows how to restore health and strength specifically to that joint.
You would seek physical therapy as a means of Recovery to restore proper functioning (Resistance). When our minds and our emotions get injured in life or struggle to function, it is perfectly okay to go to somebody who has the proper and appropriate skill set to apply treatment to restore health and function back to that area for the purpose of returning to a Resistant lifestyle.
“Seeking therapy for mental or emotional health should be viewed no differently than seeking physical therapy for a physical health setback.”
A Word on Overwhelming
You learned that coping is developed and applied along the continuum of Resistance - Resilience - Recovery. You also learned that mental and emotional health issues happen when our coping skills get overwhelmed. Our coping skills get overwhelmed in two primary ways:
You can have a normal response to an abnormal life event that eventually overwhelms your coping abilities.
Or
You can have an abnormal response to a normal life event that overwhelms your coping abilities.
Let’s take a look at each of these. Mental and emotional health challenges can emerge when you have a normal response to an abnormal life event that eventually overwhelms your coping strategies. Sometimes there are life events that are so unu-
sual, so abnormal, or so enduring that your normal response to them naturally leads to your coping being overwhelmed. Trauma, war, and exposure to violence are abnormal life events.
The COVID crisis is a perfect example of an enduring abnormal life event. The ensuing spikes in mental health issues around the world illustrate how our normal response to the abnormal event led to overwhelmed coping systems. It is not an abnormal response that causes the issue. It is the abnormal life event, and a perfectly normal response to the abnormal life event, that creates the mental and emotional health challenge.
Let’s use the COVID crisis to explain how this happens, since each of us experienced this abnormal season of life.
COVID created three nearly universal conditions worldwide: Isolation, Disappointment, and Uncertainty. And the normal response to these universal conditions has led to coping systems becoming overwhelmed.
COVID caused isolation. We were in quarantine, our church communities
were not gathering, physical contact decreased as social distancing increased, and masks covered up our smiles. These factors caused a sense of isolation.
In Genesis 2:18, God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone.” This is before the fall. This is before sin or weakness or brokenness have entered the creation. This is in a perfect world where man has unfettered access to his God. And Scripture tells us that the normal response to isolation is to be “not good.” That is a normal response to an abnormal condition for humanity (the condition of isolation).
We are supposed to be in relationship. The normal response to relationships being interrupted for an extended time is to be “not good.”
Which means that if you were not doing well during the isolation of COVID YOU ARE NORMAL! You are normal. Struggling with isolation is not indicative of a lack of faith nor lack of love for Jesus. You can excel in these and yet the normal response to the abnormal life event of extended isolation is to be “not good.”
Along with isolation, the COVID crisis led to extended Disappointment. Remember what it was like in March and April and May of 2020? As the world shut down, it seemed as though everything was being canceled. My daughters were in college and they came home for spring break. The world shut down and they could not go back to school.
They had a week’s worth of clothes. One daughter was in her final semester. She had completed her athletic career and had set her class schedule to allow extra time for travel and friends. She had plans that disintegrated. Is that the end of the world? No, but it is a disappointment.
In the coping phase of Resistance, a disappointment can be handled and overcome. But when that disappointment was followed by her graduation being canceled, followed by her dream job that she had accepted being eliminated, followed by being an Ivy League graduate living with her parents, it begins to feel like death by a thousand paper cuts.
The disappointments do not have to be major disappointments. They just have to be accumulating and endur-
ing and relentless. Perhaps your child had a prom canceled, and you were looking forward to their pictures. And then there was the vacation you had been planning. Perhaps your anniversary, your wedding, or your birthday had to be postponed or canceled.
Maybe you could not to go to a funeral or could not travel. Small single disappointments, in and of themselves, may not typically overwhelm you. But when you face repeated disappointments and cancelations, like we did during the COVID crisis, with no end in sight, you are in an abnormal life situation.
Proverbs 13:12 says: “Hope deferred makes the heart sick.” This means that when you are living in a place of repeated deferred hope (disappointment), the normal, God-given response to that disappointment is that the heart gets sick.
While you may be able to defer some hope some of the time, repeated and relentless disappointment leads to a sick heart. That is a normal response to the abnormal condition, no matter how much pray, how much faith you have, and how much you love Jesus.
The normal response to repeated disappointment is that your heart would grow sick. If your heart felt sick throughout the myriad disappointments of COVID, YOU ARE NORMAL! That is a normal response to an abnormal event that overwhelms your coping.
Along with extended Isolation and extended Disappointment, COVID also produced extended Uncertainty. In Matthew 6:34, Jesus states, “Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” Prior to COVID, Americans typically did not worry too much about tomorrow because we felt like we could predict roughly what was coming tomorrow.
After all, hard work today makes tomorrow better. Work hard for four years of college and there is a job waiting for you. Work hard in your job and there is a promotion coming your way.
You understood that what you have done today produces something in the days ahead. Then the world shut down. As the world closed, uncertainty opened.
Your thoughts likely began to consider a long rabbit trail of “what ifs.” What if I lose my job? What if I fall behind at school? What if my children are negatively affected? What if I get sick? Each of these uncertainties opened up a myriad of possible options for how life, as you understood it, can begin to unravel. Uncertainty and the worry about the future that it produces brings the potential troubles of tomorrow into real time. Our mind and emotions experience all the potential future troubles simultaneously in the present moment.
The normal, God-given response to extended uncertainty is to be troubled. The troubles of tomorrow, and the next day, and the next month, and the next year, are experienced in the present when you worry. Extended uncertainty naturally leads to worry.
So the normal God-given response to prolonged uncertainty is to be troubled. If the extended uncertainty of the COVID crisis left you feeling troubled, it is not a sign of a lack of faith or a weak trust in God. It is a strong indication that you are actually NORMAL.
“Uncertainty and the worry about the future that it produces brings the potential troubles of tomorrow into real time. Our mind and emotions experience all the potential future troubles simultaneously in the present moment.”
Now, any one of these examples could overwhelm healthy coping systems. During COVID, we got hit with all of these examples at once. Isolation, Disappointment, and Uncertainty were prevalent worldwide.
The normal responses to these abnormal events, which lasted over a long period of time, is that coping systems would get overwhelmed.
So, what can we do when our normal response to an abnormal life event overwhelms our ability to cope? We will discuss specific solutions in Chapter 5. At this point, we are still describing mental health. Let us give a quick recap of this description before moving forward. Our mental health suffers when our coping systems get overwhelmed.
We have just explored one way this happens: A normal response to abnormal life situations can overwhelm our coping. The Isolation, Disappointment, and Uncertainty of the COVID crisis qualify as abnormal life situations. The normal response to Isolation is to be “not good.”
The normal response to Disappointment is to have a sick heart. The normal response to extended Uncertainty is to be troubled. These are normal responses to abnormal life situations. They can disrupt your mental health by overwhelming your ability to cope.
But there is another way in which your coping skills can get over whelmed. Mental health suffers when an abnormal response to a normal life event overwhelms your ability to cope. This is typically what most people think about when they con-
sider issues of mental health. We will briefly describe this concept here before developing it more fully in the next chapter.
For now, consider the following example. If your pet dies, it is a sad event. It is totally appropriate that you experience sadness. You may cry, which is a coping skill. You may find comfort in talking to family members about how you feel.
You may fondly recall memories with the family pet. Despite feeling sadness, these appropriate coping skills would allow you to still continue with the basic functions of life such as school, work, personal hygiene, caretaking, etc. A pet dying is a normal part of life. And normal responses can be addressed by healthy coping responses. An abnormal response, however, may overwhelm your coping.
“A pet dying is a normal part of life. And normal responses can be addressed by healthy coping responses. An abnormal response, however, may overwhelm
If the sadness of losing a pet debilitates you to the point where you cannot go to work, you cannot clean your house, you cannot take care of your kids, or you cannot muster the will to get out of bed, that would be considered an abnormal response to a normal life event. We would consider that a mental or emotional health issue because your coping systems have become overwhelmed.
Since much of mental health falls under this concept, we will develop it further from a medical perspective.
“Mental health suffers when an abnormal response to a normal life event overwhelms your ability to cope.”
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INTERVIEW WITH PROFESSOR OLUTOYE OLUYINKA
Thank you, sir, for accepting our invitation to feature you in this edition of the Thinking Aloud Magazine. You come from a family of high achievers with your father, a retired Army General and also a traditional ruler (the Alani of Ido-Ani), whilst your mum was a Professor. That must have put a lot of pressure on you to excel. What were the values they instilled that shaped who you are?
I won’t say they put any pressure on me to excel, it was just that I was fortunate to grow up knowing what the art of the possible was. So it wasn’t much of a pressure to excel, but you saw what others had accomplished and as you know our cultural expectation is that you do better than your parents. It was us trying to honour them and make them proud of whatever we can accomplish by building on what they had built. You know as the saying goes: we can see farther because we stand on the shoulders of giants who had run before.
Your family presents an interesting blend of the modern and the traditional. How were these two contrasting influences balanced in your family and in what way did they influence what the Olutoye children all grew up to become?
The only thing constant is change but even as we change, the intent is not to lose our identity of who we are. It is still being aware of where we are from, what our core values are, what our culture is, it continues to be important as we embrace opportunities and avenues that change growth and development. We can’t stay rigid in the past and archaic in our thinking, but we should also not forego our culture and identity as we embrace new cultures and opportunities that become available.
Your late mother of blessed memory was a woman of many firsts. From earning her first degree whilst being married and after her fifth child to eventually earning her PhD and becoming a professor. In what way did her experience serve as a template for your own numerous achievements and pioneering efforts in the field of medicine?
Her first degree was actually after her fifth child which is me. She had five children before she went to get her first degree and she continued all the way through and attained a PhD degree and I think for us what that modeled was ‘that you can’. She was always a huge proponent of the girl child and educating the girl child and making sure they have opportunities and she lived that. For us, it gave a clear example of the fact that, yes you can have a home, yes, you can have a family, yes, you can thrive in the work place and can balance both with a supportive family and you can still achieve all of the above. Obviously, she had always given credit to my father for being there to support her through the process of going back to school and all the way up to PhD with all the children. She couldn’t have
done it by herself, it required collaboration with a willing partner.
Therefore, it became an important consideration as we all grew up and looked for spouses, having it in mind what we saw in their relationship because they were married for over 65 years and that relationship, that love and loyalty was something that we embraced. It was a true home-grown example of Christian-living and support. The whole concept of work-life integration, we saw it and lived it.
spirit filled and knowing that it is the basis upon which everything lies. I am here and privileged to serve to the glory of God and so once that becomes a bedrock, everything else lays on top of it. Working with that and starting with that, I think is what has shaped a lot of things. Of course, upon that comes the diligence, dedication and integrity and being able to do what needs to be done and realizing that it doesn’t mean it’s going to be easy but as long as you’re working for his glory, God will make a way.
Why the choice of medicine and particularly paediatrics? Why not some other area of specialization? Was it your choice or something you were prompted into by your respected parents?
As a paediatric surgeon, I get to do both; I get to do surgery and I get to operate on children. Way back
Miracle baby and mum
I thought I was going to be an engineer, and to my mother's frustration many times I will take apart every machine I could find, every radio transistor, and would try to put it back or make my own tools with it, but half the time, I ended up breaking them more than fixing them. I have always had the whole idea of taking things apart and trying to be creative but in a way, I still say that I am a kind of an engineer. It’s just that I work on the ultimate machinery; which is a human body, because as a surgeon that's what we do. We take things apart and put them back together.
My interest in paediatric surgery was more from medical school with the knowledge of embryology and understanding of how babies are made and how you go from a sperm and an egg to a cluster of cells that develops into this intricate creature. The human being that is formed in such an intricate way, all the things that could go wrong and how it is just amazing that we all turn out right, and for those that have some anomalies; understanding how those anomalies are formed. Therefore, as a paediatric surgeon, my interest was to be able to understand those anomalies and see how I can help to fix them.
on, I was privileged at an early age to understand the value of education as both my parents were educators. Prior to his military career, my father was a high school principal. Education was always foremost and forefront in our upbringing and in fact, the one thing our parents always told us from the very onset is that one legacy or inheritance you can always bank on is a good education. I started off elementary school at Army Children school, Yaba and then finished up at University of Lagos Staff School. After that, I went to Kings College, Lagos for my secondary school education.
Back then, secondary school education was for five years and so I completed my secondary school before my 16th birthday and I was fortunate then to pass my university matriculation examinations (otherwise known as JAMB) and proceed to the University of Ife, now Obafemi Awolowo University.
It was a six years programme, where you go straight into medical school, unlike most places outside Nigeria, where you do four years of undergraduate studies and then four years of medical school training. I think all those factors came together to allow me to get done by 22. Again, it’ s about being focused on what needed to be done; it wasn ’t that I didn’t have my own youthful indiscretions at that time, but I tried to stay focused on the goal. I was passionate and put in the work that needed to be done. Is it possible? Yes, like I tell folks if I could have done it, definitely anybody else could do it.
You became a doctor at the age of 22 in 1988. This was pretty young and particularly at a time in Nigeria when the average age of graduates for even four-year courses was 27 years. You not only graduated at a young age, but you were also the Valedictorian of your class. Could you share with us your unique insights and the strategy you adopted for this pattern of excellence?
I don’t know that I can claim any strategy. At that age what do you know? You just kind of put one foot in front of the other. I know as I said earlier
You are renowned for many accomplishments. From groundbreaking work in the treatment and delivery of babies who have airway compression to correction of severe congenital malformations, you have always excelled. Which of these accomplishments do you cherish the most?
I don’t know that I cherish any per se because my goal and my purpose is just to work for His glory. As long as God gets the glory, and that is key. It is not about me but what I do.
I am happy to be able to help families that need help and to be able to work with them. Whenever anybody says anything; I have this in response to them ‘To God be all the Glory’.
What advice would you give to couples who are just starting their marital journey or facing challenges in their relationship? What are some key lessons you have learned from your own marriage? One of the things my wife and I do is pre-martial counseling for those coming along and we have been married for over 30 years. Put God first. Two people grown up in different ways are coming together in a relationship. You can’t change one person to be
Dr Olutoye Oluyinka with miracle baby and mum
like the other but as you both grow to be like Christ, then you will be like each other and you need a basis for truth and a tiebreaker in any discussion or conversation. It is going to be tough but as long as the word of God is your tiebreaker, a lot of the challenges are easier.
I always tell people when it comes to selecting partner they should assume it is a spaceship, just two of you, you may have an idea of what you will meet on the way but chances are that there will be so many things on the way that you don’t even have idea of.
Who is that person that you are willing to go on the journey with? Remember, once you launch, there’ s no turning back. Diligently seek and find who you want to go on that marriage life journey with. It’ s not something you can do by yourself. You need to lean on each other and serve each other on that journey of life. If you know who that person is then you ’ve found the right one.
With your busy schedule, many will be wondering if you ever rest. When you are not serving others, how do you relax?
My wife and I love traveling to relax and have fun, learn about other cultures and watch movies.
What advice would you give young people aspiring to follow in your path as paediatric surgeons?
Any advice for young people in general following any path is to know that God is able and you need to have that relationship with Him to set you on the path. If we fail, it is not because God has failed, it’ s because we haven’t done our part. What are we doing to prepare and align ourselves to do the work that needs to be done? To be committed, to be diligent and to align with God’s will for our lives.
If we are doing what we are supposed to be doing and working according to His will, He will get us to where He has purposed for us to go. If we stand in line and honour Him as we should while being diligent and working hard, God will be glorified.
In what ways do you actively mentor other people, doctors or young people?
My philosophy is “Freely have you received, freely you should give”. I stand on the shoulders of those that have gone before and open doors to get me here. I am happy to help.
Obviously there are limitations to what we all can do, but even if only by interviews like this, some other persons can be encouraged and energized. The sky is not the limit. We should continue to see greater heights. Mentorship is something we are all called to do.
What motivates and drives you to explore new ideas and push boundaries?
It goes back to my earlier description of taking apart machines and rebuilding. The drive for innovation has always been there. I didn’t necessarily create them. I may have been the first Nigerian or African to have carried out some of these procedures, but some of them have been explored and experimented on since the 1960s. I am happy to be part of those that can help provide those services to the families that need them.
How do you handle fear or doubt especially when handling medical cases you have never dealt with before.
I pray before any case. I start my day with prayer as a foundation of everything I do. Have I had cases that didn’t go well as I would have liked? Yes. But if I go into it and ask God for guidance and direction to make it work. If it works, well to Him be all the glory, if it doesn’t work as I pleased, that wasn’t what God had in store. As long as I made sure that I didn’t do anything that did not allow God to work through me, then the outcome is what God has proposed. I take myself out of the equation and just see myself as working through God. Many parents thank me after operations, but I tell them to Thank God; it takes me out of the equation. I’m just there to serve and honour Him.
How has your personal life been impacted by the recognition that accompanied your work? The story of the surgery that was done on the little baby was all over the world. Did it affect you in any way because some people like to be private? How did you handle it?
There are many times people run to me and be like they know me from somewhere. I go quiet many times but all it takes is just one or two people to recognize you and then the word gets out. I see it as a platform to give God the glory.
Is there a book somewhere that we are going to read about in the future and some generation to come will look at and want to be a paediatric surgeon?
This is not about me but about God. If there is any book, it will just be God is able. That is really all it is.
Looking back at your life and times and looking to the future what do you still want to achieve and what would you want to be remembered for?
I didn’t put anything down at the beginning of my life as something I want to achieve. My purpose has been for God to use me. I hope He still finds me usable for whatever He has in store. I want to be remembered as someone that loves and fears God. He came, he served and finished his race.
INTERVIEW WITH MRS ABIMBOLA KOMOLAFE
Could you kindly share with us your background –i.e. childhood, family and education.
I am the first of four daughters born to very strict parents and raised with firm Baptist faith principles. My late dad was a policeman who retired as a police commissioner and my mum is a retired headmistress. The combination of their backgrounds meant my siblings and I were raised by disciplinarians. I studied accounting after which I obtained my professional certifications as a Chartered Accountant and Chartered Banker. I am also a Certified Financial Education Instructor.
Growing up, family influences shape us. What were the family values that were considered most important and who inspired you the most?
Integrity, compassion and hard work are values both parents taught me. My father was my role model. He was a man of admirable integrity, very principled and extremely kind. I grew up watching him empower the less privileged around him. He would bring young people from our hometown to the states where he was serving as a policeman and give them loans to start businesses. He was also genuinely caring and very committed to his extended family. My mother is equally kind and caring, with a very large heart. Their examples laid the foundation for what my values turned out to be.
“Integrity, compassion and hard work are values both parents taught me. My father was my role model. He was a man of admirable integrity, very principled and extremely kind.”
You come from a family of four daughters. Has the fact that you are all female any impact on what you all turned out to be? Any word of encouragement for families in same situation?
My parents gave us opportunities to excel like they would have given male children. They made us understand that female children had the same capacity as male children in any endeavour. We were all mindful of making our parents proud, and very conscious of ensuring they had no cause to miss having a son. This must have pushed us to work harder to excel in our various endeavours. My siblings and I are very close and supportive of each other. This is as a result of the upbringing from our parents to watch out for one another. I also think growing up in a family of all daughters fostered this strong sense of support among us. For families in similar situations, the key is to love your children irrespective of the gender. Parents should encourage their children’s interests, talents, and aspirations. The good news is that; increasingly, the African emphasis on the male child is diminishing and people are now more comfortable educating the female child.
You have a demonstrable track record of excellence in your professional calling as a Chartered Accountant, Chartered Banker and Certified Financial Education Instructor, culminating in a successful career with the Shell Group of Companies in Nigeria. What was your motivation and your source of strength?
The motivation and source of strength for my career path is a combination of personal passion, a very supportive family, professional drive, and a commitment to continuous learning and growth. My father was my lead cheer person who steered me towards professional certifications. Once I chose to study Accounting, he educated me on the need for professional certification if I wanted to excel as an Accountant.
I met my husband very early in life and my father encouraged him to give me full support to become a Chartered Accountant. My husband exceeded expectations in this regard. Through his sacrifices and unwavering support, I achieved remarkable success, passing my professional exams in record time (the professional accountant exams at 22 years) within the first year of our marriage. He was as involved as I was with the certifications, and I remain eternally grateful to him for picking the baton from my dad.
In addition to this, the drive to be the best in my chosen field meant I had to focus on continuous learning. After I became a Chartered Accountant and found myself working in the bank, I turned my
attention to becoming a Chartered Banker in order to be competitive and position myself for higher responsibilities and opportunities within the banking industry.
“I met my husband very early in life and my father encouraged him to give me full support to become a Chartered Accountant. My husband exceeded expectations in this regard. Through his sacrifices and unwavering support, I achieved remarkable success, passing my professional exams in record time (the professional accountant exams at 22 years) within the first year of our marriage.”
In your role as a Certified Financial Education Instructor, mentoring individuals on financial matters holds immense significance. Could you delve into your approach to mentoring and share scenarios where your guidance has led to transformative financial outcomes, offering readers valuable principles and strategies to navigate their own financial journeys?
It has been very fulfilling and a privilege to provide financial coaching and mentoring to individuals and groups. Each person’s financial journey is different, and it is important to be discreet with people’s stories. However, I can tell you there have been nu-
Mrs Komolafe with husband Rear Admiral Komolafe
merous success stories making it worth my time and attention to personal finance coaching. It is always a joy when people I coach share their success stories. Some move from indebtedness to saving and investing, others are happy to start planning for their retirements on time. There are also many cases of grateful members of the FinanceCoachBK community (my coaching platform), who were saved from ponzi and fraudulent investment schemes. I teach people that we can do things better financially.
The poor can become rich, and the rich can get richer. Financial fitness results from imbibing good money habits, taking right money decisions and choosing wisely. My goal with the FinanceCoachBK financial literacy campaign is to get as many people as I can to financial freedom and independence; where they can meet their needs and wants without being dependent on others. I employ the E-S-I model in my teaching approach, which aims to inspire financial wellness and wealth creation by motivating individuals to EARN more, SAVE better and INVEST well. Anyone and everyone can do things better, irrespective of age, gender or where you are on the financial journey.
You are the co-founder of the RDSF. What inspired you to establish the Foundation?
The passion to support indigent Nigerian students started while my husband and I were pastoring the Teens church of our local assembly. The church was in a surburb where attendees were a mix of privileged children whose parents could afford their education and less privileged children who couldn’t afford fees. We took on as many of these indigent
students as we could. However, there was a limit to what we could do, and we decided to put a formal structure around the charity work. The intention was to leverage our reputations and get people in our networks to support, in order to increase our reach to these students while demonstrating transparency around the funds raised. The journey so far has been good. We have highly respected Nigerians on the Board of Trustees and as partners.
“The journey so far has been good. We have highly respected Nigerians on the Board of Trustees and as partners.”
Under the Rehoboth Dream Solid Foundation, your passion seems to be focused on skill acquisition, financial literacy and youth education empowerment. What are the gaps you see and what is the vision you intend to achieve?
The mission of the Rehoboth Dream Solid Foundation is to support the social and economic wellbeing of the less privileged through the promotion of sustainable education, mentoring and skills acquisition. Our objective is to empower economically disadvantaged students by identifying gaps in access to quality education, vocational training and financial literacy, thereby fostering economic independence among youths, especially in underserved communities. We try to bridge this gap by providing resources, training, and mentorship to empower young people with the skills, knowledge, and opportunities they need to succeed in their personal and professional lives. Ultimately, the Rehoboth Dream Solid Foundation is poised to empower Nigerian youths to have improved livelihood and economic independence.
Mrs Komolafe with consolation prize winners 2022 Teacher’ s Excellence Award.
Which of the projects/programmes executed by the Foundation would you consider the most emotional to you and why?
All the programmes and projects of the RDSF hold a special place in my heart. The scholarship/bursary awards, the annual lectures, the webinars, the Teachers’ excellence award, the quarterly magazines and skills empowerment workshops are some of our projects. However, the Teachers’ Excellence Awards holds a special sentimental value in my heart. As the daughter of a teacher, it means a lot to me. The joy and excitement on the faces of the teachers when they are announced as winners makes me very emotional. We remain grateful to our partners and sponsors, some of whom donate specifically to these awards. The board of trustees is keen to increase the value of these awards to substantial levels that will enable the recipients apply their cash awards to meaningful projects.
The Rehoboth Dream Solid Foundation has been one of the key vehicles for your philanthropic activities. Where do you see Rehoboth Dream Solid Foundation in 5 to 10 years time and how do you intend to contribute to getting the Foundation to the envisioned place?
We are very optimistic about the impact that the RDSF will continue to make. We look forward to partnering with more individuals, the Nigerian Government and international organizations to
long term, we intend to solicit for the right support with which we can establish schools in the major geographical regions of Nigeria.
“We are very optimistic about the impact that the RDSF will continue to make. We look forward to partnering with more individuals, the Nigerian Government and international organizations to fund existing and new RDSF projects.”
You have been married for about 34 years and you married at a young age of 22 to someone who also had an enviable military career while you excelled in the corporate world. How were you both able to build a happy home and successful marriage from such a young age?
Marriage means different things to different people. Ab initio, we knew that to succeed in marriage, God had to be the only other party in the relationship. Two people from different backgrounds coming together as one requires a lot of sacrifice. I always count myself lucky to be married to my husband. The success of our marriage is based on more of his sacrifices. He is a God-fearing man and beside himself, I am perhaps the biggest beneficiary of his faith and walk with Christ. He is a man of uncommon christian virtues, devoted and selfless. Yes, I
Mrs Komolafe with husband Rear Admiral Komolafe
which is rooted in our faith in God. If my husband had not been a good man, our early years would not have been as beautiful, and we wouldn't be as happy today.
The military profession is known for its almost compulsory separation of spouses for long periods of time due to service exigencies. What were the unique challenges of being married to a military officer, how did you cope and what advice would you give to others in a similar situation?
It wasn’t easy having my spouse away from home. My husband made up for his absences by being constantly in touch. He also ensured we had absolute and maximum comfort as a family. I was well protected from external influences that could have made me uncomfortable as the wife of a serving military man.
In an age where the institution of marriage is currently being buffeted by several challenges ranging from changing gender roles and expectations, high rates of divorce and income inadequacy amongst others, does the traditional concept of marriage and role of spouses still hold? What is your advice?
The traditional concept of marriage and the roles of spouses have evolved over time in response to changing societal norms and challenges. However, the original Christian concept of marriage is the only definition of marriage that I know; where a man and a woman become husband and wife.
My advice will be for couples to truly love and respect themselves. I will remind them of what the Bible says in Ephesians 5:28-29 NLT ; “In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares
for the church.” Ephesians 5:33 NLT However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. These scriptures highlight the man's role as the head of the household and the cornerstone of successful marriages. They also emphasize the responsibilities of wives, encouraging them to show respect to their husbands.
When both parties fulfil their roles effectively, conflicts are minimized, and if they do arise, resolution becomes straightforward. Ultimately, the key to a successful marriage lies in mutual respect, understanding, and a commitment to work together through challenges. From my experience, all these are easier to do when biblical principles are applied as the foundation for a marriage.
Regarding income adequacy, the choice of whether both partners in a marriage should work for income or not should be a joint decision based on their personal circumstances. From the point of view of a personal finance coach who teaches the E-S-I model (EARN more, SAVE better and INVEST well), two sources of income are better than one source. However, personal factors will moderate this decision.
Control of finances has always been a front burner issue in marriages. Would you advocate for a joint account for couples?
The way you manage money in relationships can make or mar a relationship. From the onset, couples must ensure an alignment of financial goals and targets. You must also have the ‘money talk’ before and during marriage.
This conversation is what will bring out each other ’s money habits, strengths, and weaknesses. Having said that, joint accounts cannot be mandated or compelled for couples. There are different models of
Mrs Komolafe with winner 2019 Teacher’s Excellence Award
Mrs Komolafe with winner 2022 Teacher’s Excellence Award
money management that couples can adopt. Some people keep their money in separate accounts and contribute to project accounts (accounts dedicated for special projects). Others have joint accounts.
Transparency is a key requirement for financial excellence in relationships. The joint account model requires mutual trust and integrity. It is only recommended when the two parties genuinely care about themselves and can trust one another. If adopted, the joint account model can enhance financial planning, encourage transparency, and help money management.
“Ultimately, the key to a successful marriage lies in mutual respect, understanding, and a commitment to work together through challenges. From my experience, all these are easier to do when biblical principles are applied as the foundation for a marriage.”
The youths in society are currently embroiled in a battle with many influences – some positive and a substantial part negative, what motto would you want them to live by as a guiding light?
I would say; Build your dream on a solid foundation. A foundation of integrity, hard work, and compassion. Truth is constant, it doesn’t change. Dreams built on truth will last. Youths should be kind to
themselves and to the people around them. Kind to themselves, knowing that every choice they make now is seed for future harvest. They should be guided by a desire to show kindness to people around them, this way they can make less selfish decisions and choices.
Our slogan in RDSF is ‘little drops, big changes’, and I will advise our youths to be desirous of making a positive impact through gradual progress and continuous efforts (their own little drops), and together, we all can make the changes our society needs to be better.
What is your final word to our readers?
I want to use this medium to express my gratitude to everyone who has supported the Rehoboth cause since its inception in 2009. The Board of Trustees who graciously lend their reputation to the Rehoboth dream, and who continue to keep us accountable.
Our sponsors who make financial sacrifices to keep the organization running and who have trusted us with their funds, our numerous partners and volunteers who give their time and other resources in support of our projects, and of course the staff of the organization. We cannot do what we do without their support. I must also express my gratitude to God Almighty who found me worthy of this assignment and who continues to send the needed help to keep the organization running.
S F Mrs Komolafe with volunteers at 2022 Teacher’s Excellence Award.
ABOLAJI COMFORT RDSF SUCCESS STORY
started JSS 2. After the close of school for Christmas and New Year break, I was withdrawn to a cheaper private school because my mum could not afford my school fees alongside that of my four siblings.
“I lost my father while I had just started JSS 2. After the close of school for Christmas and New Year break, I was withdrawn to a cheaper private school because my mum could not afford my school fees alongside that of my four siblings.”
that I was able to complete my secondary education.”
My late father was the major source of our income until he died in January 2013. My mum who was a Local Government staff in a secondary school in Kwara State had to solely take on the family’s financial responsibilities.
In 2016, I went on to study Accounting but I could not obtain admission at the University of Benin. I decided to opt for JUPEB (Joint Universities Preliminary Examination Board) with the hope of doing a direct entry
- sometimes 80%, 50% or anyhow they choose to pay.
At some point, four of us were in the university depending solely on her meagre income and there was no help coming from anywhere else. It was always difficult for my mother to pay my fees at the right time.
Most times there was no food to eat talk-less of purchasing textbooks, then my mother eventually fell sick. At a time, she was ill and was being treated for more than a year. She was not even recovering because of poor feeding.
She also had an accident which made her stay at home. It didn’t
take long before my performances in school began to drop because of the financial, psychological and emotional stress I was going through. I really needed a scholarship at this point to survive.
“Most times there was no food to eat talk-less of purchasing textbooks, then my mother eventually fell sick. At a
In 2019, RDSF came to my school to organize an ICT and soft skills programme which I attended with the aim to up-skill.
During the event, I got to know of the scholarship opportunity that was opened to indigent students.
I applied and went through the process and I was awarded my first support in 300 level. The Foundation paid for my school
were sold. This I did in order to finance my other needs. In my final year, RDSF decided to pay more than my school fees and hostel fee because of my project work. This went a long way in the successful completion of my university education.
I really appreciate the effort of RDSF and others God used to make my academic dream a reality. May God continue to use you all greatly for the lifting of men
RDSF Volunteer’s Corner
Can you share a little about yourself and your background?
Iam Adetoki Adebisi Adegbuyi, a personnel of the Nigerian Navy (NN). I joined the NN in 1998. While in the service of the NN I attended a number of courses for my professional development. In addition to completing numerous professional military courses, I hold a Bachelor of Science (BSc Hons) degree in Economics from Lagos State University and a Master of Science (MSc) degree in Economics from the University of Abuja.
Furthermore, I am a graduate of Accountancy from the Nigerian Army School of Finance and Administration, Apapa. I am proud to be an Associate member of two prestigious institutes (Institute of Chartered Accountants of Nigeria (ICAN) and the Chartered Institute of Taxation of Nigeria (CITN). I am also a Fellow of the Institute of Chartered Economists of Nigeria (ICEN).
I owe my education and professional achievements to my parents who set a very high bar of
discipline, focus and goal orientation for all their children.
A disciplinarian to the core, I still have fond memories of my father’s implacable stance of “sparing the rod and spoiling the child” as well as his unwavering commitment to the education of all his children to the best of his abilities.
I am also deeply grateful to my relatives and members of the community where I grew up who exemplified the saying that “it takes a village to raise a child”. God bless them all, amen.
I consider my service in the Nigerian Navy as a privilege to serve humanity and my country. My duties and responsibilities in the Service apart from the overriding constitutional mandate of defence of the territorial integrity of the nation are purely in the realms of provision of financial services.
With decades of experience in financial management and analysis, I offer professional advice to business owners, research students, and many others. In the
course of my service to the Nigerian Navy, I have had the opportunity to serve onboard so many ships ashore an offshore. The Nigerian Navy Ship OHUE remains my favorite ship.
In my leisure time, I enjoy playing badminton. I am married to my dear wife, Mrs. Yemisi Adetoki, and we have children together.
“I am also deeply grateful to my relatives and members of the community where I grew up who exemplified the saying that “it takes a village to raise a child”. God bless them all, amen.”
What inspires you to get involved with the Foundation as a volunteer?
My core values include compassion, empathy, trust, passion, and integrity. I find joy in witnessing people's growth, development,
and realization of their full potential as actively engaged citizens making positive contributions to society. Coupled with a military background where service to humanity is paramount, it is not unexpected that I would gravitate towards an NGO like RDSF, which embodies the ideals I believe in and strive to uphold.
The mission of RDSF; focusing on advancing the social and economic well-being of the less privileged through sustainable education, mentoring, and skills acquisition, resonates deeply with me, making it easy for me to identify with and fully commit to.
This stems from my deep understanding that the less privileged are not in their current situation due to personal failure, but rather due to circumstances beyond their control.
As such, they deserve support and assistance. Moreover, I have noticed that volunteer charitable work is not receiving the attention it merits in our clime. Regrettably, this is often because a significant portion of the popula-
tion is struggling to meet basic needs like food, shelter, and clothing, leaving little room for other priorities.
However, by virtue of my upbringing, I believe strongly in the communal approach to solving societal problems. Hence, I am passionate and remain committed to institutions like the RDSF that seek to mobilize support and crowdfund noble objectives. Consequently, I am prepared to volunteer my resources and physical efforts to support the foundation whenever needed. May God help me in this endeavour.
“The mission of RDSF; focusing on advancing the social and economic well-being of the less privileged through sustainable education, mentoring, and skills acquisition, resonates deeply with me, making it easy for me to identify with and fully commit to.”
What motivates you to dedicate your time and money to support our cause?
Life offers pivotal moments that when taken by the prepared, lead to exponential changes in their outlook, prospects and position.
The core of who I am as a professional in the finance specialization began with my ICAN certification and the journey to attain the certification.
It is instructive that true to RDSF’ s “Little Drops, Big Changes” mantra, Rear Admiral KO Komolafe (one of RDSF’ s Trustees) was instrumental to my ICAN certification.
Specifically, when Rear Admiral KO Komolafe was the Chief of the Accounts and Budget of the Nigerian Navy, I was privileged to work under his command.
During one of his usual meetings to evaluate and review our operational procedures, he solicited suggestions for enhancing the performance of the Accounts and Budget Branch.
Following this, I proposed financial support for some of us intending to take the ICAN examination, a request he promptly approved. This act served as a motivating factor for me and others who had yet to begin their journey.
The financial assistance provided proved invaluable and significantly contributed to my success. Through obtaining professional certification, I have been able to rise above my relatively modest position in the Navy and establish positive interactions with my superiors.
Therefore, I have played my part in enhancing process efficiency and fulfilling the constitutional mandate of the Nigerian Navy through my suggestions and contributions to the Service's budget processes.
In addition, I saw the opportunity to contribute to a foundation like RDSF as a meaningful way to give back, especially considering its dedication to assisting the less privileged through educational support, ICT initiatives, and skill acquisition programs. This sentiment is amplified by the involvement of my mentor and benefactor in the foundation.
“Through obtaining professional certification, I have been able to rise above my relatively modest position in the Navy and establish positive interactions with my superiors.”
Reflecting on your time as RDSF volunteer, what specific projects or initiatives have you been involved in, and how have they impacted you?
Ihad the privilege of taking part in both the first and second annual lectures of RDSF. During these events, my
role was to support the media team. I primarily operated in the control room, ensuring timely and accurate projection, coordinating typing and sound systems seamlessly.
Being a member of the media team was a privilege, and both outings were highly successful.
The experience was incredibly rewarding, providing me with invaluable takeaways that will stay with me forever. It has expanded my range of experiences, enhancing the depth and reliability of my non-financial evaluations and decision support estimates.
What drives you to dedicate your time, resources and skills to volunteer work? And how would you describe your experience as a volunteer of RDSF?
Unfortunately, most Nigerians have a skewed perception of the average soldier. We are seen as crass, uncaring, ill-educated and with no empathy for the less privileged.
I however intend to be a change agent to change the paradigm because the perception is built on erroneous premises. I want the soldier to be seen as a positivelyengaged, caring, knowledgeable, compassionate and empathetic citizen contributing his quota to the protection of the fatherland and citizenry.
Over time, my aforementioned aspiration is further strengthened by witnessing the joy of individuals, particularly when, as a military personnel, I can alleviate their suffering and restore hope where it seemed lost.
This is a really refreshing and uplifting experience. Hence, I want to be there and in the forefront of driving the new narrative. If the mission and vision of RDSF is to put smile in people’ s faces, then, I talked to myself, I should be one of the players.
Time, money and effort invested to make at least one person happy and smile again is a great achievement for me as a service to humanity.
Amongst the various projects you have been a part of, do you have a favourite, and if so, what makes it special to you?
So far so good, joining the media group remains my favourite due to my skill and knowledge in computer especially in Microsoft PowerPoint, Excel and Word which are the key software for displaying on projectors.
Pertinently, each segment of RDSF's lectures and seminars poses distinct challenges in determining the most effective media approach and fostering audience engagement.
Thus, the process of brainstorming with experts from the media and ICT about the best presentation approach was a very fascinating and enlightening journey for me. It makes me to feel content whilst leveraging my competences to build a better world for the less privileged.
If you could inspire others to take action or make positive change, what message would you share based on your volunteer experiences?
Basically, there is a reward for every positive value added to someone’s live. My message to the prospective volunteer is that any little you contribute would go a long way to make a better world for us all.
So, please, “Let us continue planting, one day a seed will become a tree”.
“Let us continue planting, one day a seed will become a tree”
RDSF Updates
UPDATE ON OUR WORK/PROGRAMMES
The Rehoboth Dream Solid Foundation (RDSF) is a charity organization whose mission is to engage in charity activities that will enhance the social and economic well-being of the less privileged through education support, mentoring and skills acquisition programs. The Foundation is registered with the Ministries of Education and of National Planning and Budget.
RDSF started operations in 2010 and awarded its first set of scholarships in 2011. As of today, the Foundation has supported over 340 students, with some of them adopted from Primary school. Many of the Foundation’s past beneficiaries are now breadwinners assisting others through school and some of them are already doing their PhD programmes in overseas universities. We are proud of the success stories that have emanated from our past and current beneficiaries. We currently have 159 beneficiaries, and some indigent students will be adopted within the year. Some of our current beneficiaries were adopted directly by donors partnering with us to tie their donations to specific beneficiaries.
The scholarship application portal for the 2024/2025 academic session will be opened on the 1st of April 2024 to allow indigent tertiary students across the country apply for support from the Foundation. Indigent students who wish to apply should visit our website or follow us on our social media pages for steers. The application process is online and transparent.
“We are proud of the success stories that have emanated from our past and current beneficiaries. We currently have 159 beneficiaries, and some indigent students will be adopted within the year.”
BRIEF PROFILE OF FIVE OF OUR NEWLY ADOPTED BENEFICIARIES
Student A is a 300-level civil engineering student at Ahmadu Bello University in Zaria, Kaduna State. His mother is a petty trader, while his father was an interstate commercial driver. His father passed in an auto crash in 2013 and it has been really difficult for the family since then.
He completed senior secondary school in 2013 but had to work to save money before he could sit for his SSCE in 2014. He still had to work for another four years before he could proceed to the university.
We discovered that his younger brother is very brilliant but has had to work to help the family instead of furthering his education. RDSF is happy to award him a scholarship.
Student B is a 200 level medical student of Usman
Dan fodio University. He is the first child and has seven siblings. His parents are farmers and do not consider education a worthy investment. In accordance with their culture, he should come back home and get married. He is struggling to combine farming in Kano and schooling in Sokoto. RDSF is happy to support student B.
Student C is a 200 level pharmacy student of the University of Uyo. He is an orphan and very passionate about his dream of becoming a pharmacist. He grew up in Lagos with his Uncle, while the father lived in Ebonyi State. Unfortunately, he lost his father after he gained admission. He is the first child and currently teaches private students to To make extra income.
Student D is a 200 level civil engineering student of the University of Lagos. He has three siblings and is an orphan. He currently works with a food vendor close to his school to raise extra funds. Before his mother passed away, they lacked accommodation and at some point were sleeping in a kiosk.
From our findings, he would have dropped out of school, if RDSF support did not show up immediately because the school suddenly increased fees. RDSF is happy to have supported him.
Student E is a 200 level pharmacy student of the University of Benin. His father is retired while the mother sells cornmeal popularly called (agidi or eko). He has nine siblings, however only two of them are currently in school. He survives in school by taking tutorials for a fee and during holidays, he goes home to work as a Point of Sale (POS) attendant.
RDSF Partnership with
Onthe 4th of January 2024, the RDSF in partnership with Vice Admiral I.E. Ibas unveiled the Admiral Ibas Scholarship Scheme at Precious Stone Hall, Abanankpai in Nko community, Yakurr LGA of Cross Rivers State. In attendance were illustrious sons and daughters of Nko Community, Traditional leaders, School Principals, secondary and tertiary students from the community and their parents. The aim of this programme is to promote literacy through the award of scholarships to brilliant secondary and tertiary students from the community. A total of 60 secondary school students and 22 tertiary students emerged as the first set of beneficiaries of the scholarship programme.
Vice Admiral IE Ibas, Bar (Mrs) Theresa Ibas and beneficiaries in secondary school.
Vice Admiral IE Ibas and the school principals of Community Secondary School, Comprehensive Secondary School and ItamOnem School.
Vice Admiral IE Ibas, his beloved wife Bar (Mrs) Theresa Ibas and tertiary beneficiaries
UNVEILING OF THE ‘ADMIRAL IBAS SCHOLARSHIP SCHEME’
1I have been manifestly blessed by the Lord God Almighty. In my chosen career as a Naval Officer, the Lord elevated me to the highest appointment in the Nigerian Navy as the Chief of Naval Staff. A post I held for six years. Similarly, through divine providence, I was appointed as Nigeria’s chief diplomat to our valued ally, the Republic of Ghana as the Ambassador.
Throughout my extensive career in service to the nation, I can assert that, the transformative power of education remains unparalleled in its effectiveness. Education is a lever that moves the spirit from apathy, to thinking – doing - and reflecting and in so doing achieve quantum milestones in all fields of human endeavour from medicine to engineering, business, commerce and the arts.
Education plays a pivotal role in elevating a society from a state of backwardness to progress, fostering advancement, and promoting enlightenment. For reference purposes, it could only be education that would put a man on the moon in 1969, less than 67
years from when the first attempt at manned flight was experimented by Orville and Wilbur Wright in 1903. It is also only education that could transform large portions of the inhospitable Gobi Desert in China into a thriving forest with diverse ecosystem all within 45 years. Thus, if you must succeed in life, then you have to be ready with the right knowledge, skills and aptitudes to explore every opportunity life offers.
“Education plays a pivotal role in elevating a society from a state of backwardness to progress, fostering advancement, and promoting enlightenment. For reference purposes, it could only be education that would put a man on the moon in 1969, less than 67 years from when the first attempt at manned flight was experimented by Orville and Wilbur Wright in 1903.”
2Witnessing firsthand the transformative impact of education, I found it imperative to contribute to my community by intervening to provide educational support for underprivileged students from Nko Community with promising abilities to excel in their academic pursuits.
“Witnessing firsthand the transformative impact of education, I found it imperative to contribute to my community by intervening to provide educational support for underprivileged students from Nko Community with promising abilities to excel in their academic pursuits.”
To achieve this goal, I engaged in extensive collaboration with the Rehoboth Dream Solid Foundation to establish the modus operandi. After due discussions and consultations with key stakeholders in the Nko Community, the Admiral Ibas Scholarship Scheme was conceptualized to run across three major lines of efforts as follows:
A. Line of Effort One – Secondary School Educational Scholarship. Under Line of Effort 1, the Foundation intends to provide educational scholarship via payment of school fees and WAEC fees for selected students in secondary schools. Notably, once selected, the Foundation would sustain the payment of fees until the student graduates from secondary school.
Furthermore, an extension of Line of Effort 1 is the possibility of sustenance of sponsorship of secondary school education, once adopted, up till the completion of tertiary education. Accordingly, I am pleased to announce that for the pioneering set, the Foundation is commencing with 60 students drawn from three schools in Nko Community.
B. Line of Effort 2 - One-Time Support/Bursary. The One-Time Support entails awarding a N150,000.00 bursary to each eligible applicant in tertiary institutions without additional financial obligations from the Foundation.
Annually, the Foundation will invite applications, assess candidates based on established criteria, and permit previous beneficiaries to reapply, though acceptance is not guaranteed. The inaugural group comprises eleven university students selected from diverse fields of specialization.
C. Line of Effort 3 - Continued Education Support. Under Line of Effort 3, the Foundation will grant annual financial assistance of N150,000.00 exclu-
sively to successful applicants enrolled in tertiary institutions, sustaining the support until their graduation.
This support has been extended to 11 students pursuing STEM courses, ensuring assistance until the completion of their studies, contingent upon them maintaining the benchmarked CGPA in subsequent sessions.
3The mentioned lines of effort mark only the initial phase. By the grace of God, my plan is to maintain and surpass the current targets and benefits package in the future through constructive collaboration with individuals and organizations who share similar goals.
Hence, it is my fervent hope that we would all commit ourselves passionately to this noble quest and ensure that the objectives for its establishment are not only met, but outstandingly surpassed.
I want to be able to look back with quiet satisfaction and note, that I indeed played a pivotal role in the upliftment of our youths into engaged and responsible persons who have fulfilled their potentials for the greater glory of Nko the community and society at large.
“I want to be able to look back with quiet satisfaction and note, that I indeed played a pivotal role in the upliftment of our youths into engaged and responsible persons who have fulfilled their potentials for the greater glory of Nko the community and society at large.”
4
God bless us all and uplift us to greater heights. By His will, I have the singular honour and most especial privilege to unveil the “Admiral Ibas Scholarship Scheme’ to the glory of Almighty God and the upliftment of Nko Community.
“Annually, the Foundation will invite applications, assess candidates based on established criteria, and permit previous beneficiaries to reapply, though acceptance is not guaranteed. The inaugural group comprises eleven university students selected from diverse fields of specialization.”
PAST BENEFICIARY TO TRAIN YOUNG TEENAGE GIRLS IN GOMBE STATE
In line with the RDSF commitment to empower indigent young people through skills acquisition, the Foundation in October 2023 partnered with Evaz Couture Fashion School to train teenage girls in Fashion Design in Gombe State.
The facilitator, Ms Evelyn Ominisi is an economics graduate from the University of Jos, a past beneficiary of our scholarship programme and 2021 grant awardee. She is the CEO of Evaz Couture; a fashion design house for making bespoke wears and also training of intending designers. She has been able to establish her brand in Gombe State after her NYSC in 2018.
The training was a robust three month class and five students were sponsored by the Foundation. The training the participants took include: Introduction to Fashion designing, fabric types and uses, machine and machine maintenance, use of manual and industrial sewing machine, sewing technique, pattern construction, easy wears, skirt block & derivatives, the business of fashion amongst others. At the end of the training, the students were given a project assignment and the best amongst them was gifted a brand new
Adamu Ummusulaim Ibrahim emerged as the best in the class and was gifted a sewing machine.
Student training session
Student training session
Lending a Helping Hand
6
WAYS
TO SUPPORT THE VISION & MISSION OF RDSF
1
ADOPT A STUDENT SCHEME
2
SPONSOR A WORKSHOP/TRAINING/EVENT
Under this scheme, the Foundation will recommend indigent students who will be adopted and sponsored for their full academic program. The sponsor can choose to be anonymous or meet the beneficiaries. Here the sponsor will also be provided with a periodic statement of the beneficiary's academic performance.
You can also choose to sponsor any of our programs like the Annual Lecture, Thinking Aloud Magazine and Teachers’ Excellence Award or support the skill acquisition program organized for indigent undergraduates in various tertiary institutions to equip them with relevant ICT and soft skills relevant to career success.
ONE TIME DONATION
4 PLEDGE
You can give one-time donation through a transfer to the Foundation's account or donate online through a secured donation link on our website.
https://www.rehobothdreamsolidfoundation.org/donations Bank: First Bank Nigeria
Account name: Rehoboth Dream Solid Foundation
Account number: 2015884815
Sponsors can also make a pledge to give some money to the Foundation on a regular basis (weekly, monthly, quarterly, biannually or annually). Such sponsor will just send an email with details of the pledge and credit the Foundation's account.
5
WORKPLACE GIVING & MATCHING GIFT
Matching gifts are charitable workplace donations made by corporate entities that matches employees’ donations to eligible non-profit organisations. It is a way to show their employees that they are mindful of their social needs and support the causes they are most passionate about by empowering them to donate to any non-profit of their choice.
Different organisations have different matching policies and it will interest you to know that some international corporations do up to double of your donations or more. What this means is that if a staff should donate a $100 to an NGO through a matching gift channel or work place giving, an organization with a 2:1 matching policy will donate additional $200 on behalf of that employee; making it $300 donation.
Many employees are not taking advantage of this platform and some are not even aware of the various workplace giving opportunities opened to them in their organisations; especially multinational corporations. As a donor, you can increase your impact by simply donating through a matching gift platform like Benevity. The process is very simply and automated in most organisations.
To do this, simply find out about your organisation’s workplace giving policies from your HR department. If you would like to get RDSF listed or registered for your organisation’s workplace giving program, kindly send us an email through rehobothdream@gmail.com and we will be happy to onboard.
6 VOLUNTEER
You can also volunteer your time and expertise by joining the RDSF team to carry out its daily operations and execute various projects across Nigeria. Most of these voluntary services can be done remotely.
I HAVE FORGOTTEN MY NAME
I’ve forgotten my name I often forget my name I forget how the letters are arranged, how they lay side by side to become a melody, sometimes misfortune often a memory
I forget why the name exists perhaps if I even exist I wonder why it follows me like a shadow at evenings o’clock, why it tails me when I’m mad, and when I’m sad and when I’m happy and I’m crazy and when I’m mundane Most times I laugh in the mirror when I forget, I see my black skin, my guided pleasures, my unbridled spirit and I just laugh I laugh cause I’ve forgotten my name
I’ve merged her into languages I can ’t even recognise Given her accents to make her more palatable, put her in scripts to make me a version of myself I do not recognise A new normal that frankly isn’t just me Tonight I will attempt to remember my name To remember the melody it creates when it forms on my tongues, the little intonation when it goes ah or oh Tonight I will sleep knowing I remember the meaning of my name
SUNSHINE
My darling love you carry pain on your back as if to tell the world you have conquered it but I hope you know the world is flawed, it is hard and unrelenting like the heart of Pharaoh. I wish I could protect you, tell you now everything is perfect and the sun will shine constantly but there will always be rain and sometimes it will be a storm. One you cannot withstand One that will break you A storm so riveting, you forget that the sun shines. My darling love you must take care. You must remember the sun during those storms, every morning you wake let the sun give you hope And when it gets too hard to remember melt your heart burn it, tear it up, dissolve it make it into nothing burn lost lovers, distil past hatreds and start again. make use of your tender soul and your calloused fingers and begin to mould a new heart. cast your pain aside, do not let it fester
console your anger, feel but do not be consumed take no shortcuts with your pain. start afresh and take note that the sun has a peaceful way of showing itself It will find you again. I promise.
CONFESSION - MY BODY
My body is a room. a room full of doubts like whether life ever gets easier. a room full of miracles that I have witnessed. a room full of flaws that I’ m learning to embrace. a room full of secrets that only the nights sky has heard
My body is a room. Knock twice. Once on my mind, another on my soul and my heart will decide. sometimes I lose the key. I leave it at the bottom of the ocean or under the pillow at my lovers house but then somehow it always finds me
My body is a room. It has seen many storms, a few hurricanes and one massacre. I trace the scars in my mirror each morning and they remind me of the
Lessons that they hold. It is easy to forget the pain of a wound when it heals. I have to remind myself.
My body is a room.
I am still learning the borders. learning to wipe her windows when tears fall, learning to listen when it rumbles, learning to understand when the wall cracks, learning to forgive when it misses a beat, learning to love it when it sins.
My body is a room I am learning to dwell in.
6 REFLECTIONS ON HOW TO MAKE ADULT FRIENDSHIPS WORK
Healthy friendships in adulthood are important. They contribute to our wellbeing, and I dare say, they nourish our souls. I’m no friendship expert, but I think I’ve begun to crack the code on how to keep and grow friendships in adulthood. In this piece, I’d like to share six realisations I’ve had about what makes adult friendships go the distance and how to nurture these life-giving connections.
“Healthy friendships in adulthood are important.”
1
Understand who you are and what your friendship represents
Friendships that have flourished and stood the test of time for me have been the ones where there has been a mutual understanding of what it means to be healthily bonded. As individuals, we have to recognise who we are, what our friendship is and what it represents to each of us. In doing so, we create a safe space, that means we are able to show up as our authentic selves. We recognise our weaknesses and differences, and make sure we look out for each oth-
er. This includes making choices and decisions that help us thrive individually and as friends.
2
Set and articulate boundaries
As we grow, boundaries will shift at a personal and professional level. This shift may mean access and availability changes, and this is okay. Communicating this is key and accepting change. It is unfair to expect people to automatically know and understand our expectations and the changes we are going through. No one is a mind reader, so
communication is key. Boundaries that are openly stated and shared can strengthen a friendship especially when respected. When unsure, or when it seems like things have changed, communicate. Ask and clarify what you have observed and understand each other.
3
Understand your communication styles
When friendships are genuine and authentic, communication should be open, and transparency should be second nature. Being transparent does not always mean bearing all. Sometimes, if not, most times, it can be as simple as letting the other person know that you are available or unable to do something without getting into details.
Having mutual respect and being willing to respect boundaries means the details do not always matter. What may make the biggest difference is your ability to be present, appreciative, and checking in to ensure your friend is getting the help they need. It is important to recognise that as we grow and as seasons change, communication styles may change, as will our boundaries. It
would be unreasonable to expect that the way you communicate in your twenties will always remain the same and it is important to acknowledge changes.
As we go through different seasons, e.g., career transitions, finding love, having children, living through grief or trauma that requires us to heal, how, why and when we communicate may change. What matters is ensuring we do so in a healthy way and prepare ourselves for how this can shift our friendships.
4
Learn to disagree in a healthy way
Disagreements and conflicts are part of any relationship. What matters is how you approach and handle this when it does occur. Many friendships die prematurely because we are often ill equipped for conflict.
Authentic friendships will, in some seasons, require you to have some real and raw conversations that require a lot of transparency, vulnerability and an openness to correction that may be unnerving. Being an adult does not exempt us from our
faults and the need for correction on occasion, even from our peers and friends. As awkward as it may be or uncomfortable, it is important to speak when things go wrong or when we feel a boundary has been violated. Choosing to remain silent may keep the peace but in the long term this peace may come at the cost of the friendship. So, talk. Don’t just talk because your emotions have boiled over. Take time to process and assess if your reaction or response is justified. Then be wise about how, when and where to have the needed conversation. I tend to pray before opening up awkward conversations and there have been occasions where I was surprised to learn that I was the one in the wrong because I had looked at the issues through the lens of past hurts from unrelated situations.
Another lesson I have learnt is that the “how” of conflict resolution makes the biggest difference. In our tech age, people prefer to text it out instead of talking it out. Nothing beats face to face conversation. You get to pick up on the nonverbal cues and you are able to gauge the impact your words and demeanour also has on the other.
5Get comfortable with saying goodbye
Whenever I observe distance, tension or conflict in my friendships I often ask myself the following questions:
• Has there been some miscommunication which has led us to this misunderstanding? Or perhaps could they be going through something they are unable to share?
• Are there any misplaced emotions, reactions and responses that may be indications of unresolved personal trauma on my part or my friends’ part? Did I trigger something or are they unaware of their triggers?
• A difficult but necessary question, ‘Has the season come to an end on this friendship and am I just not recognising it?’ I say this because sometimes, when a season is up, if we are not mature enough to recognise this and understand how to transition, we may find ourselves living through unnecessary strife!
Interests and priorities shift. This may chip away at the glue that once held friends together. This can be challenging, if not, petrifying especially when the friendship in question is treasured.
Sometimes, a season may be up, and we must be comfortable with letting go. I cannot overemphasise the importance of understanding when the season is up on a friendship and the importance of knowing how to handle the transition when it begins.
As I have been learning to take things to God in prayer, I have also found it easier to navigate past these phases. This is because I’ve learnt to not only recognise endings. I have learnt to embrace them and do so in a way that allows me to remember without hurting.
6Purpose is key and make room for evolution
Last, but certainly not the least, if you are a faith driven individual, understand that purpose also defines adulthood friendships. As we discover our purpose, giftings and our vocations by God’s design, what God demands and requires of us may also mean that our boundaries are redefined.
The discovery of purpose and calling has a funny way of shifting friendships and if we are not prayerful, this very thing can be the catalyst to an ending. So, for those that are of the faith, pray consistently for friends and friendships, and ask God that He grants you understanding so you do not become a hindrance to a friends’ breakthrough or pivot into purpose!
Conclusion
The reflections I’ve shared are by no means exhaustive, neither do they delve into the complexities of adult friendships! However, I hope they offer some good food for thought. No friendship is perfect because no one is perfect. For the friendships that matter to you, be prepared to put in the work to make it work remembering that time and presence, both expensive commodities are your greatest assets. So, make good and wise use of each to grow and nurture your friendships.
“For the friendships that matter to you, be prepared to put in the work to make it work remembering that time and presence, both expensive commodities are your greatest assets.”
EXTRACT FROM THE DIARY OF A DIABETIC HYPERTENSIVE
cation. Apprehensively, for the first time in my life, my mortality stood in stark relief and I could all but begin to decipher the shadows of the grim reaper hanging over me. I finally had to admit that I was no longer the superman I once thought I was, my body was failing and my frailties were showing. I acknowledged that years of hard and taxing work had pushed me to the edge of physical and mental exhaustion.
Istared in disbelief at the sheet of paper which formally notified me of my medical classification sequel to the conduct of the mandatory annual medical examination demanded by my organization. A welter of emotions washed over me in rapid succession – from shock to numbness, utter incomprehension and finally sadness on two counts.
Firstly, the medical classification itself was (to all intents and purposes), a precursor to invaliding me out of the organization on medical grounds. This was a major blow considering my love and passion for the job for which I had developed a considerable amount of expertise and for which I was the ‘ go-to-guy’ on several issues. It was a job that was stimulating and for which I hoped to continue doing up till retirement which was still over a decade away.
On the second count, I asked “why me?” in self-pity as I did a quick reassessment of the underlying issues that could have led to such a less-than-ideal medical classifi-
Furthermore, in a career spanning over two decades I had only applied for and gone on leave thrice – ie in my first year of service when I had herniorrhaphy operation and I was granted two weeks leave, in my fourteenth year of service when I was granted two weeks leave when I lost my father and in my twentieth year of service when my mother died and I was granted two weeks leave. The physical burnout I felt began to be contrasted with the various times I felt that my schedule was more important and I could not afford to rest or apply for leave even when my organization had in place arrangements for annual leave, compassionate leave, casual leave and the odd long-weekend leave.
“The physical burnout I felt began to be contrasted with the various times I felt that my schedule was more important and I could not afford to rest or apply for leave even when my organization had in place arrangements for annual leave, compassionate leave, casual leave and the odd long-weekend leave.”
When the aforementioned factors coupled with my hereditary genetic predisposition is considered overall, it was therefore not altogether surprising that I was on the fast-track to becoming a wreck. From maintaining a trim and fit physique, I had become obese, was now diabetic, had high blood pressure and was suffering from failing eyesight.
In the depths of my despair I wondered: what would become of my young family (my eldest child was still less than 10 years and we all know the cost of education nowadays); how would the siblings and extended relations that depended on me for financial support cope; and how the school fees of several cousins whom I catered for be paid if I was to be invalided out of my job on medical grounds.
I was indeed at my lowest ebb and I wailed in my soul. This is Africa, and as a man, you are supposed to be a pillar of strength – nobody must see you cry or be weak –it is simply anathema. Thus, my wife, children, siblings and relations did not really know the depth of my challenges and the extent of my worries and depression.
I had to dig deep to reserves of strength and willpower I never knew I possessed. I prayed unto the Lord and asked for inspiration and relief and the Lord answered me. The solution was to be a trifecta of initiatives that were to run concurrently. These were sensible medication, lifestyle changes (especially food and rest) and lastly exercise. The focus of this article however is exercise and my own journey to self-rediscovery (health-wise).
“Having acknowledged that exercise was indeed the lifesaver required, I had to choose what would fit within the exacting work schedule I had.”
Having acknowledged that exercise was indeed the lifesaver required, I had to choose what would fit within the exacting work schedule I had. This is not as easy as it sounds as what works best might not be psychologically accepted by you. I quickly discovered that exercising for exercising sake alone is dull, lifeless and demoralizing.
Thus, while I assiduously took to jogging every morning between 5.15 am to 6.00am, my heart was not in it and my body cried out in outrage at every muscular pain and discomfort occasioned by the exercise. The pain from every sore muscle was magnified multifold by my body just to discourage me. I however had to ask myself; how come you can play badminton for hours and not be discouraged by the pains attendant to that? From this I sur-
mised that for exercise to work, it must be equated to fun from which endorphins (pleasure hormones) flow. Accordingly, I had to have a change of tack to bring in the fun element. I subsequently switched to cycling for the same exercise period of 45 minutes. Serendipitously, I was able to cover about 15 kilometres in the same 45 minutes with the added advantage of greater cardiovascular training.
This is aside the opportunity for me to listen to podcasts on my phone on a wide variety of topics of interest. Thus, I got more exercise done within the same time, all because of a change of approach and infusion of the element of fun. Just as I loved watching cartoons even as an adult, I still never outgrew the love for cycling which started when my father bought me my first bicycle as a 7 -year-old. I never outgrew that hobby and it was an exercise that would always excite my passion anytime, any day.
Next, I had to rekindle my interest in badminton by making out time for it. Granted I could not close early enough in the afternoon in order to play two or three sets, I however was able to find like-minded friends who were ready to play at night between 07.30pm to 09.30pm in a well-lit indoor gym. The camaraderie and friendly competition that went into the badminton sessions at least thrice a week were indeed something to look forward to. They not only improved my mood and lifted me out of depression, they also gradually began (in concert) with the cycling to improve my cardio-vascular health.
The icing on the cake for me (exercise-wise) happened when I got transferred to another state and another position with a less demanding schedule. This enabled me to rekindle my love for volleyball. Thus, I was opportune to play at least two and a half-hour of volleyball, six times a week. Since the court is well lit, and there was an abundance of fit and eager young people to play with, we could start playing by 4.30pm up to 7.30pm six days a week.
Fast forward to a few years after my initial sub-par medical classification, I once again stared at my latest medical certification as a result of the annual medical examination conducted by my organization. This time around, I had a huge smile on my face – the reason was not farfetched – I was given the highest medical certification which means I was fit for duty in all spheres of deployment. My joy knew no bounds – my blood pressure had dropped, my blood sugar was under control, I hardly use my prescription glasses anymore as my sight had improved, I had normal cholesterol levels, my liver and kidney functions were top-notch, the persistent lowintensity headaches were a thing of the past, I was brimming with vitality as the perennial weakness and low energy levels had vamoosed.
In fact, my energy levels were so high that the young lads I played volleyball with often marveled at how I outjumped and out-ran them on the court whereas I was at least 20 years older than them. In fact, I was living, not just alive – and I thank God for His mercy upon me. In my journey, I had to live through pain, fatigue, depression and doubts. Whilst the steps I took to rediscovery of my health and peace of mind might not necessarily work for everyone, some things however remain constant. They are: trust in God; compulsory medical checks
(this was the trigger ab-initio to my journey of selfrediscovery), find the exercise regimen that works for you; throw in a dash of fun (do not be dull – truly all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy) and most importantly; discipline and consistency. While I continue on my journey of rediscovery (for I definitely am still a work-in-progress), I wish you peace and fortune in your personal journey. Shalom!
“...trust in God; compulsory medical checks (this was the trigger ab-initio to my journey of self-rediscovery), find the exercise regimen that works for you; throw in a dash of fun (do not be dull – truly all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy) and most importantly; discipline and consistency.”
Eulogy REMEMBERING A TEACHER AND FRIEND OF RDSF
Inloving memory of Omobola Olajumoke Mohammed-Audu (1957-2024), a dedicated educator whose life was a testament to the noble profession of teaching. From her early education at St Andrew Pry School and St Patrick Pry School in Owo, Ondo State, Nigeria, to her secondary education at Fiwasaiye Girls Grammar School, Akure, Omobola's journey was deeply rooted in academia. Providence led her to St John Mary Teaches’ Training College in Owo, where she honed her skills to inspire future generations.
Continuing her pursuit of knowledge, Omobola furthered her education at the Federal College of Education Abeokuta, solidifying her commitment to shaping young minds. Graduating with a BSc in Education from Lagos State University, she enriched her teaching practice with academic excellence.
Throughout her illustrious career, Omobola touched countless lives as an educator. From her service as a teacher during the National Youth Service, to her tenure at Federal Girl’s College Akure, Federal Government College Ogbomoso, and the Nigerian Navy in Warri and Calabar, she left an indelible mark on each institution she served.
Omobola's legacy as a professional teacher will forever be cherished by those who had the privilege of learning from her. Her dedication, wisdom, and unwavering passion for education will continue to inspire generations to come. Though she may have left us at the age of 66 years 10 months (21 June ‘57-21 April’24), her impact as an educator will endure through the countless lives she touched.
Omobola was a devoted advocate and ally of RDSF throughout her life. Attending every RDSF-sponsored event and consistently showing her support on online platforms, she embodied the spirit of our dream at RDSF. Today, we honour and celebrate her enduring legacy at RDSF.
Omobola has graduated into the presence of God. She raced into His arms and she is now sanctified forever. We shall miss her in this earthly land, until we are all one in our God again. We at RDSF thank God for her life.
From The Rehoboth Dream Solid Foundation.
“Omobola was a devoted advocate and ally of RDSF throughout her life. Attending every RDSF-sponsored event and consistently showing her support on online platforms, she embodied the spirit of our dream at RDSF. Today, we honour and celebrate her enduring legacy at RDSF.”
Mrs Omobola Mohammed-Audu with some of her students.
We appreciate every support over the years and your continued support and commitment that has made it possible for us to continue to provide succor to the less privileged in our society. We pray that God will bless you and grant you success in all your endeavors.
Donations:
You can make your donations online at: https://www.rehobothdreamsolidfoundation.org/donations
Bank: First Bank Nigeria
Account name: Rehoboth Dream Solid Foundation
Account number: 2015884815
the rehoboth dream solid foundation board of trustees
Rear Admiral Oladeinde (‘Deinde) Olusoga Joseph was born at AraMoko, Ekiti State into the humble family of late Mr. Joseph Owolabi and late Mrs. Ajibabi Owolabi on the 9th of May 1948.
He enlisted into the Nigerian Navy in July 1967 and later graduated from the Nigerian Defence Academy Kaduna and was commissioned as a Sub -Lieutenant in July 1971 in India. He received professional training as a naval officer in India, United Kingdom and the United States of America. Rear Admiral Joseph is a graduate of the Nigeria Command and Staff College Jaji and the prestigious National Institute for Policy and Strategic Studies Kuru.
As a professional naval officer, he went through all the ranks in the Navy until he was promoted to the full Rear Admiral rank in 1998. While in the Navy, he had 4 sea commands, which included that of NNS Aradu (the Navy’s flag ship), 2 Training bases and 2 Operational bases. He had 2 tours at Jaji Staff College as Chief Instructor and Director of the Naval Faculty. He was also the Military Governor of Ogun State between 1990 and 1992. His last job was Chief of Navy Personnel at Naval Headquarters until he retired in June 1999.
Married to Mrs. Katherine Lolade Joseph since April 1975, Rear Admiral ‘Deinde Joseph is blessed with 3 children; Toyin (now Mrs. Borisade), and the boys Seyi and Jide, all University graduates. His hobbies are photography, reading and he is a handicap 9 golfer. A practicing Christian of Methodist Church of the Trinity, Tinubu since 1967, he has a passion to help the less privileged in the society. Rear Admiral Joseph is a recipient of the National Honour of the Commander of the Order Of the Niger (CON), and brings his experience and goodwill to the Foundation as the Chairman, Board of Trustees of the Rehoboth Dream Solid Foundation.
Ms. Ketumi Alasa studied Computer Science in the then Sheffield City Polytechnic now known as Hallam University, Sheffield, England. Worked in various capacities as an IT professional in leading multinational Oil and Gas, Insurance and Iron and Steel companies in Nigeria for 28 years cumulatively. After a successful and rewarding career in the corporate arena, she took an early retirement and launched out to fulfil her entrepreneurial dream in real estate and retail management. As a real estate entrepreneur, she has made remarkable progress in development and management of properties. On the retail front, she runs a chain of interior decoration shops.
She is a practicing licensed Canadian Immigration Consultant and a certified Canadian Education Consultant and Foreign Student Recruiter for Canadian schools.
She is the CEO of Canada Outreach Immigration and Academic Consultancy, Managing Director of J-Three Sixteen Associates and Managing Director of Kay Kay Enterprise Interiors. She also serves on the Boards of a couple of christian and philanthropic organizations.
Blessed with five children, she enjoys playing the game of Golf. She served as a Lady Captain of IBB Golf and Country Club.
She is a Christian with a deep passion and commitment to supporting Missions work and the under privileged. Ms Ketumi Alasa is also a Trustee of the Rehoboth Dream Solid Foundation.
Deacon Samson Madu Igbokwe is a 1983 B.Pharm Graduate of Pharmacy from the former University of Ife (Unife), now known as Obafemi Awolowo University (OAU). In addition, he gained a Masters in Business Administration Degree (MBA) from the University of Lagos (Unilag) in 2000. He also acquired a Certificate of Proficiency in Information Systems Management (CPISM).
Shortly after his Youth Service Corp at Military Hospital Lagos, he set up his own pharmacy business at S.W. Ikoyi, Lagos in 1985 which he has been running as Chairman/Managing Director till date. This is a company that supplies and distributes pharmaceuticals to its community and hospitals in Lagos State.
A devout and practicing Christian, he gave his life to Christ on March 31, 1991 in The Redeemed Evangelical Mission (TREM), Akoka. Since then, he has served in various capacities in TREM as House Fellowship Centre Leader, Zonal Leader, Assistant Area Co-coordinator and Financial Secretary/Treasurer of Caleb Group of the Christian Men Fellowship.
He is currently serving as the Chairman Hospital Visitation Ministry in TREM. He is a member of Pharmaceutical Society of Nigeria (PSN) and a Treasurer at Ikoyi Pharmacy Community Zone. He has passion for contributing to his community, and often assists in reaching out to orphans, the fatherless and widows in the community.
Periodically, he visits in a group and prays for the sick in hospitals in Lagos, ministering to their spiritual, physical and material needs. He is happily married to his amiable wife Mrs. Roseline Igbokwe and they have 5 children. Deacon Samson Igbokwe is a Trustee of the Rehoboth Dream Solid Foundation.
In loving memory of Deaconess Roseline Igbokwe, a Founding Trustee: November 2, 1965 - June 19, 2023. She was married to Pharmacist Samson M. Igbokwe, and together are blessed with five children.
She was an alumna of Sikkim Manipal University (SMU), Gangtok, India and the University of Lagos (UNILAG); Bsc. in Applied Information Technology, Business Administration and Masters in Business Administration(MBA) from the same institution.
She held a Certificate of Proficiency in Information Systems Management (CPISM), Advanced Diploma in Systems Engineering (ADSE), Certificate in Strategies for Managing and Collecting Data (LBS) and Certificate in Core Sales Skills (LCT). She worked with Texaco Nigeria Plc as well as Chevron Oil Nigeria Plc as Food Mart Supervisor, Senior Retail Business Consultant, South, and then MRS Oil Nigeria Plc as District Sales Manager, Southwest Nigeria, Credit Control Manager for Nigeria, Aviation Commercial, Retail Sales Manager for Southeast/Southwest Nigeria and Head, Sales & Marketing, Nigeria.
A hard worker with enthusiasm for excellence, in 2006 she won the ‘African Pakistan Global Downstream 2006 Cultural Award, of Customer Facing and Market Focused’ in Chevron, having executed superior and consistent execution and sales implementation of all programs, processes and systems. She had focused the department’s organization around achieving the best business financial targets through an agreed set of Profit & Loss control measures in all MRS Oil Nigeria Plc service stations in Nigeria.
She was an ordained minister with The Redeemed Evangelical Mission (TREM): and at various times has held the following positions: Assistant Secretary, Young Women Fellowship; Assistant Secretary, Christian Women Fellowship and Chairman Disciplinary Committee of the Evangel Voices Choir and Team Lead with the Christian Women Fellowship. Deaconess Roseline Igbokwe was a Founding Trustee of the Rehoboth Dream Solid Foundation.
Pastor (Dr.) Joshua Gbadebo Opadiya is the Senior Pastor of Every Nation Church Sydney, Australia, a worldwide family of churches and ministries. He is currently serving as the Hub Leader of the Oceania (Australia, New Zealand, Papa New Guinea and Fiji) overseeing the ‘Every Nation churches and ministries in the Oceania region.
Pastor (Dr.) Opadiya previously lectured in the Lagos State University, Nigeria for 6 years, before moving with his family to Innsbruck in Austria where he lived for almost 6 years. Thereafter, the family moved to Sydney Australia in 1999 where together with his wife, Dr. Mrs. Opadiya started the ‘Every Nation Church.
He received his bachelor’s and master’s degrees from the reputable University of Ibadan in Nigeria and holds a doctorate degree in Ecotoxicology from the Technical University, Innsbruck, Austria.
Pastor (Dr.) Opadiya has a burden to raise godly leaders and see the nations return to Jesus Christ. He has travelled and ministered in several nations worldwide.
Pastor (Dr.) Opadiya's passion is to connect with young adults and adults alike who are leaders, peacemakers and bridge builders in their colleges, universities and in their communities. His life has been dedicated to this cause, reaching out, equipping, counseling and mentoring. He is also the dean of Every Nation Leadership Institute, a part-time program that is purposefully designed to provide discipleship training and biblical teaching for people from all walks of life. Pastor (Dr.) Opadiya and his wife have been married for 31 years. They are blessed with children. He is a Trustee of the Rehoboth Dream Solid Foundation.
Dr. (Mrs.) Yinka Opadiya is a senior pastor with Every Nation Churches and Ministries. Alongside her husband Pastor (Dr) Joshua Opadiya, she oversees the multi-congregational Church organization in Sydney, Australia – a church with members from diverse cultures, age groups and professions.
She is a teacher and motivational speaker with a passion for teaching about God's love and His purpose for humanity. She is also passionate about women and youth ministry; and is committed to mentoring women and young girls.
Her heart-cry is to see ‘the Church’ respond to the Great Commission of ‘making disciples’ and transforming nations. A graduate of the prestigious Universities of Ife and Ibadan in Nigeria, she also holds a Doctorate degree in French (Women Literature) from the University of Innsbruck in Austria. She had worked as a French Lecturer in the Lagos State University and in various schools in Sydney Australia. Dr. (Mrs.) Yinka Opadiya been married for 31 years. They are blessed with children. She is a Trustee of the Rehoboth Dream Solid Foundation.
Mrs. Ronke Osikoya holds a law degree (LLB) from the University of Lagos and an MBA (1988) from the same University. She is a Certified Trainer for the Commonwealth Association on Corporate Governance and has facilitated on the Directors course on Corporate Governance. She is a Management Consultant that co-runs a management consulting firm, Pedion Partnership Limited.
Her values are strongly shaped by her Christian faith and she believes very passionately in supporting the under-privileged, particularly children, which accounts for her involvement with the Foundation.
Mrs. Osikoya is a Trustee of the Rehoboth Dream Solid Foundation and lives with her husband and 2 sons in Lagos, Nigeria.
Mrs. Abimbola Komolafe is a devout Christian who was ordained as a Deaconess of the Redeemed Christian Church of God (RCCG) in the year 2000 and as an Assistant Pastor in August 2013. She served as a Coordinator in the Teens ministry of the Resurrection Parish of the RCCG in Lagos where her passion for supporting the education of the less privileged was birthed .
She is a Chartered Accountant and Chartered Banker and is a Fellow of the Institute of Chartered Accountants of Nigeria (ICAN) and a Fellow of the Chartered Institute of Bankers of Nigeria. Mrs. Bimbo Komolafe has taken various management, Leadership and professional courses, within and outside Nigeria and is an Alumna of the Lagos Business School. She worked for 9 years in a reputable Merchant Bank in Nigeria and thereafter worked for 20 years with one of the leading Oil and Gas companies in Nigeria. She currently works as a Principal Consultant for Threshold of Trust Nigeria Limited.
Married to Rear Admiral Kehinde Komolafe (Rtd) who is also an Ordained Pastor of the RCCG Nigeria, they are blessed with 3 children. Together with her husband, they are committed to providing financial support to as many less privileged students as they can accommodate. Mrs Bimbo Komolafe is the founder and Executive Secretary of the Rehoboth Dream Solid Foundation.
Rear Admiral Kehinde Komolafe (Rtd), is a highly revered and distinguished military officer who served meritoriously with impeccable records in the Nigerian Navy. He graduated from the Nigerian Defence Academy in 1980 and was commissioned as a Naval Officer a year after. Due to his quest for knowledge and passion for competence, he proceeded to study at the University of Nigeria, Nsukka where he graduated in 1985 with a B.Sc. Degree in Accountancy. He attended several courses nationally and overseas and witnessed consistent career growth during his active years in the military.
Rear Admiral Komolafe is a change agent with a commitment to providing transformational leadership and ensuring realignment of processes, operations, resource and people on various integrated fronts for optimum value creation. He held various sensitive positions in the Navy before his voluntarily retirement from the Service after 35 years of meritorious service. He presently sits on the Board of many prestigious organizations. Beyond his Military career, Rear Admiral Kehinde Komolafe (Rtd.) is a lover of God and a Pastor. He is married to Mrs. Abimbola Komolafe and they are blessed with 3 children.
