Miraculous Journey Towards Divine Mother – Srividya Sadhana by S.R.Balaji (India) Praying Mother of all Mothers Sree Varahi, to bless the content to convey, that which she bestowed on this being, out of her unconditional love and grace, be reached to fellow spiritual seekers with relevance and sense. Blessed are those, getting right belief, understanding and guidance, to reach out and receive from the divine. Our karma acts in many ways, with our own ego as base, hinders our way to reach the right path, that suits us. It is actually the divine that unfolds the path, to those who seek with sincerity. Divine mother feeds her child in many ways, so does she for the being in me. As each one’s journey and experiences are different. Sharing with one another, imparts flavor, adds interest, encourages, gives new perspectives & insights ,reinforces and enhances, our Self, on this path, I believe. With that intent, would humbly share few learning that happened in my ongoing spiritual journey here, for following questions mentioned. Conveyed as I received or understood it. Q 1. Does the Darshan, vision, dreams of divine appearance are true or it is illusion, imagination or hallucination out of our continuous feeling towards the divine form ? Q 2. No student reaches anywhere in spiritual plane unless a Guru lifts him. Why so? Q 3. Do we attract those people and events, that knocks us away from spiritual path? Why ? Why do I suffer and struggle to hold on to my Self and progress on my path? Q 4. Am not able to be in state of awareness continuously. I fall often. The anger, bitterness, other low emotions in me erupts at times, hurts myself and others, that in no time, I undo all the good progress I made. Why so? . I feel guilty and hurt, to go back and stand infront of mother, aspiring spiritual progress ? What is the way out? Q 5. Why self realization is the foremost, one should intend? Why is it, the one, most needed on spiritual plane, to begin ? Ans 1 : Almost an year back, I started praying to Ma Varahi, for her grace and to get me a Guru to reach to her. I was excited to see a verse in a book, where it is mentioned, reciting it sincerely, will bring experience of Mother, like hearing boars sound or hearing horse sound of Ashwaruda Varahi in the night, to assure that the sadhak is under her protective ring. There were versus to seek her grace, get her darshan etc. It was mentioned the experience one gets is based on his karma and sincereity. I started praying mother with those versus with sincererity. Though my innerself started elevating during such pujas and prayers, I couldn’t hear anything as mentioned neither I got any darshan. I continued. One night, I was little depressed. Is my prayer is not sincere enough to get her darshan or feel her presence and went to sleep. That night during sleep, I saw a tall, well built person, in king like attire with golden body with divine beauty. Though graceful, His appearance was immensely powerful that I got afraid and
woke up. I cannot relate it to any divine form I knew. He resembled Sri Iyannar ( Grama Devatha), but I knew he was not Iyannar, because his face radiated a divine silence and bliss, which I couldn’t relate with fierceness I associate with Iyannar. Next night, saw same person with a pujari infront him appeared in dream. The pujari himself was well built and about 6 or 7 feet tall and the gracious golden body person behind him was twice thrice taller and was a absolute beauty to stare at. Still I was afraid, though a part of myself felt, what if the divine I am worshipping was the one I am seeing, that I am able to connect to him. I was afraid, it was such an energy field, not able to with stand the experience, I woke up. Time passed with me continuing prayer to mother. The link with which I got to Ma varahi worship also got disconnected for some reason. One day, I was crying, feeling that neither have I felt mother nor have I got Guru to guide me. Desperate to reach out to a Varahi Upasagar, I googled for some source on Varahi worship. There, It was like lightning coming down on my body that I saw the image of the same king like person in google image, I was spell bound that what I saw as alive person was inform of statue in same attrire. When I got to the website, there comes the background song of “ guru ve saranam” and I got to know that he is Varahi Siddhar Sri Muthu Vaduganathar, originally a decendant of King family and he is reincarnation of mother Varahi herself. What one can say about mother’s grace. Though she responded to my prayers for a Guru and her grace, I could n’t understand it. Leaving rest apart, the divine form I saw in dream, was something that I cannot imagine, visualize out of my previous experience or knowledge. I cannot imagine a siddha in attire of a king. When I prayed to Ma to give her experience, even if she had come with her form, I could have mistook it for my imagination those days. she had shown me the form, which is her re incarnation. It is interesting to know from the readings on Jeeva Samadhi of Sri Varahi siddhar, in an incident, during reconstruction of siddha peetam, on a rainy day, a child gave the note of the siddha in meditation whom the child saw through a hole in the Samadhi enclosure, formed during demolition work, that his body was radiating in golden colour. It just not possible to visualize the siddha, with such attribute, which I can came to know after several months. Doesn’t this convey, that divine do respond and give experience, when prayed sincerely. When what is offered is pure and true, what the divine will reciprocate in return? won’t that also be pure and true. Ans 2 : People attract guidance, Guru based on their karma. When the karmic baggage is such, that,at times a student is either not able to connect to guru/path suitable for him or he is associated with Gurus who have not fully evolved or have materialistic interest that, their guidance imparts, incorrect understanding about divine and about one’s own self. This makes the path more of ritual than experience. This makes the guidance more of knowledge than experience. One lacks experience, that his self is not moved. The shift doesn’t happen.
Till the time one is stuck at this level, the ego does the rest, that it keeps unveiling karmic plays, that one cannot progress much. At this stage, even the knowledge can only be knowledge, not experience and belief. When one seeks with sincerity, the divine blesses to reach a Guru, who is already evolved that, he is able to show the path in his tutelage and get the experience, which will make the transformation possible. Ans 3 : An incident happened recently. I was not able to do Srividya sadhana regularly, as I try scheduling it for early morning, but I can’t wake up after all the works done till late night. It was indeed a blessing that one morning, when I was sluggish to wake up, I was woken up by a Light body from Astral world, whom revealed his presence to be seen with physical eyes, so that I wake up in astonishment.I did woke up. Thanked that being. Then started preparing for sadhana. That’s when I heared some one banging the gates of my house loudly that, I thought is my servant who comes early morning. I keep getting angry with a servant, for making noises and disturbance while mediating.But when checked, no one was there . No even in vicinity. For a moment I thought, did the light the Light body I saw few moments back made the sound. May be, but why would he do that, I thought. I realized if it were servant, I would have got angry, but if it was the light body I won’t, though it was a disturbance. What does this convey. The people, events that disturb, distract or discourage you are only tools of karma, that is duely acting to pay back. Not to get angry on them, as they are only tools. And if one react, to any such provocation with anger, ego etc, you will loose the attention on sadana and energy will spent on that. Our spiritual energy will be wasted. One who realize this and has true inclination for sadhana, will let go of the person and event. Will rise on spiritual path, staying liberated from effects of karma. Ans 4 : All guilt, influence of karma etc exists and able to exert only till we associate ourself only to level of body, which is influenced by mind. We are pure at soul level as Guruji Siva premananda conveys. Sadhanas such as Srividya sadhana and Atma bija mantra, has given me the taste of what is mentioned in the Soul mantra, started to experience the awareness that I am soul not body in every walk of life, even when not in meditation. At this state the inner turmoil is less, that I don’t attract much of conflict outside. If a conflict arises, able to avoid or solve without much hurt to myself and others. The Self stays focused on the path and comes back to track, much easily. Ans 5 : I had few glimpses of paranormal vision, couple of times. I shared the same to concerned person, to suggest, possible solution for the situation, in context then, with good intent. I realized that it takes my attention, energy and time away from path to divine, that it easily pulls my level down, because of a feeling of ego gratification and contentment that I am able to accomplish something. I pulled myself away from that orientation. Thanks to Mother and Guruji’s blessings. This happens when one is not self realized that he is not liberated from the worldly acts.
When one realizes he is not the doer, does the same good act, at soul consciousness, only as a medium of divine, he will not attract karmas and his being won’t vibrate with lower emotion. To sail on path to divine, self realized person, even if acquires siddhi’s which makes him above normal human being, he will not incur karmas that bind, in exercising the siddhi’s , that allow him to evolve. With this understanding, I pursue Sri vidya Sadhana. It is a privilege to share these, in this sacred space of Guruji Sri Siva premanandaji. He who is Mother’s helping hand extended on to us My being, ever thankful to him and the Guru Lineage.
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