WE DON'T WANT EASY: Coaching Mental Toughness & Overcoming Adversity

Written By Will Cockerill, Defensive Coordinator Denton Ryan High School

“The children now love luxury; they have bad manners, contempt for authority; they show disrespect for elders and love chatter in place of exercise.” Socrates (469-399 B.C.)

This is one of my favorite quotes to go back and reflect on. We can all get frustrated sometimes, same as Socrates 2500 years ago thinking the next generation was headed down the wrong path and there might not be much hope. Obviously, the distractions are different for kids today, from social media to vaping and everything in between. Student-athletes can frustrate you if they don’t have a similar mindset, but the ability to instill mental toughness and teach them how to fight through adversity is more important than any X’s and O’s we might have in our sport. These are critical attributes that high school sports help establish and develop for these young men and women to use for the rest of their lives.

Playing sports is not all luxury. It’s not easy to wake up early for weights and meetings; it’s not easy to go to practice after a full day of school. But we don’t want easy. The mental toughness that is learned by going through those things will enhance your ability to complete tasks, no matter the adversity faced. Because of this, high school athletics and the impact coaches had on me changed the trajectory of my life. Now continuing to grow in this profession, I’m blessed to have been around some unbelievable coaches and athletic programs that continue to make an impact. Looks and styles may be different, but there are some overarching beliefs that tie them all together. Having a growth mindset, modeling and leadership, emotional awareness, focusing on process vs. results with consistency are key ideas that help instill mental toughness and show the kids we work with how to face and overcome adversity.

Having a Growth Mindset

Creating an environment where it is okay to try and fail, and get back up to try again is a big part of developing mental toughness and handling adversity. Here at Ryan HS, we use the saying, “We Don’t Want Easy”, stressing that the greatest things you accomplish are usually what you worked the hardest for. I try to make practice as fast and intense as possible and put kids in that situation. This helps slow the game down when you get into a game environment because you have already mentally been there. Pushing for continual improvement and instilling that growth mindset is also a game changer. The phrase “Good is not good enough if better is possible,” can be said over and over again to foster that type of intentionality.

Modeling and Leadership

Coaches should be striving to model what mental toughness can look like through their own behavior. Keeping a consistent daily routine or staying calm under pressure, athletes will learn by watching you. We faced a tragic situation this past season at Ryan HS with the sudden and unexpected loss of a coach. Our kids came together and helped each other to grieve. Our coaching staff was similar. Being transparent with their emotions, and modeling how to respond to that situation played a huge part in our team acknowledging their emotions, and working together to fight through an adverse situation. Your actions are louder than your words. Make sure you are trying to live out the type of mindset you are preaching.

Emotional Awareness

We have a big wall graphic in our football facility that says, “Football is a Game of Emotion!”. Being passionate and invested is part of the emotion. This also aligns with positive & negative self-talk and managing what the message is. It’s a little thing, but instead of yelling, “Don’t jump offsides!” to defensive lineman on a critical 3rd & Short situation, we try to emphasize the same goal by yelling, “Ball Key!”. Acknowledge the emotions, but it is a fine line combining the emotions with situational awareness. It is a delicate balance of pushing the leaders on your team to get outside of themselves and show their passion for the game without getting lost in those same emotions. Be vulnerable and show emotion, then teach how you can respond.

Process vs. Results

I’m a huge fan of Nick Saban. Focusing on the process instead of the end results is something Saban popularized when building his dominant Alabama teams. The ability to focus on the task at hand, in the moment regardless of what it might be. Forget about previous plays and the possible future outcomes. Even in a walkthrough setting, getting your student-athletes to focus and “Paint a Picture” of how their alignment, stance ,and steps will be in a game environment is a skill. Training and getting them to buy into the idea that if they put in elite preparation, stay in the moment - every moment, then the result will take care of itself. This still rings true as a coach. Don’t worry about awards or recognition, those will take care of themselves when you are rooted in the process.

Consistency

None of these core beliefs will be of much use if you are not consistent in your approach with them. I believe kids secretly crave discipline, though they will never tell you that, so being consistent is huge when you are dealing with your student-athletes. I am a big proponent of the idea “Confront & Demand”, confront the negative you might see (from bad body language, not touching the line or not dressing in the correct gear) and demand what has been set as your standard. The willingness to confront those actions, whether it is a starter or 3rd-string player is what sets how consistent you are. It doesn’t have to be demeaning, but make sure the kids you are working with know that your standard never changes.

Our 2024 Denton Ryan football team dealt with one of the toughest things I’ve had to face, the sudden loss of one of our coaches, Aaron De La Torre. It shook our team, school, and community. He was a friend to many, a colleague to all of us at Ryan High School, and father-figure to many of our student-athletes. As I struggled with my own emotions both at work and home, I found myself leaning on the same principles that I try to teach my players. Having emotional awareness and trying to model a response became critical in how I approached each day. Somehow our kids were able to work through the adversity and show more mental toughness than I have ever seen, growing together and focusing on the process leading them to the state semi-finals.

As in the days of Socrates, this generation of student-athletes might get a bad reputation. But the impact you are making on a daily basis is building our leaders for the next generation. Life is hard. You will face adversity. Make sure we are preparing our kids, using your sport as a vehicle, to instill the mental toughness they can use on for the rest of their lives.

Want to read the entire February 2025 issue of Texas Coach magazine? https://issuu.com/thscacoaches/docs/feb25upload?fr=xKAE9_zU1NQ