Jokers Wild

A woman had a dog which was a female and in heat, and she agreed to look after her neighbor’s male dog while they were away on vaca. She had a large house and believed that she could keep the two dogs apart. However, as she was drifting off to sleep she heard awful howling and whimpering sounds. She rushed downstairs and found the dogs locked together, in obvious pain and unable to disengage, as often happens when dogs mate. Unable to separate them, she called her local Vet, even though it was late at night. He answered in a very grumpy voice. After she explained the entire situation. The Vet said, “Hang up you cell and place it down alongside the dogs. I will then call you back and the noise of the cell ringing will startle the dogs and make the male lose his erection and he will be able to withdraw. “Really Doc, do you think something that simple will actually work?” she asked. The Vet sighed and said, “Well, it damn sure just worked on me!” -------------------------------------------------------------How old were you when you realized that “Dammit I’m Mad’ spelled backwards is: “Dammit I’m Mad’? -------------------------------------------------------------Bubba was talking to his buddy Earl at their local watering hole when he said, “I’m a little worried about my ole’ lady and she might be leading into Alzheimer’s.” “Why, what’s up?” asked Earl. Bubba says, “The other night I was clipping my toe nails in bed and outa’ nowhere she says “I just can’t remember what I ever saw in you.” -------------------------------------------------------------Lil Joey was yet again sitting outside of the Principal’s office when the Guidance Counselor walks by and asks, “O.K., what did you do this time?”. Lil’ Joey shrugs his shoulders and says, “The Teacher pointed a ruler at me and said, “At the end of this ruler is an idiot”. So she sent me here because I asked, “Which end?” -------------------------------------------------------------Tell the truth now..... Have you ever read a FB comment and clicked on the person’s Profile just to see if they look as stupid as they sound? -------------------------------------------------------------Ever notice that cats look at you like you just asked for a ride to the airport?

Teacher asked the class to name things that ended with the ‘tor’ sound and that also ate things. Harold said, “Alligator.” “Very good Harold, that’s a big word.” Larry said, “Predator.” “Yes, that’s another big word. Very well done.” Lil’ Joey yells out “Vibrator.” The Teacher calms herself and says, “That’s a big word also Johnny, but it doesn’t eat anything.” Lil Joey replies, “Well, my Mom has one and she was complaining to my Daddy that it eats batteries like there’s no tomorrow!” --------------------------------------------------------------I will never hear church bells ringing again without smiling. Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent’s house to visit with her 95-year-old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had passed away, her grandmother replied in her sweet, soft voice, “He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning, dear”. Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble. “Oh, no, my dear”, replied granny. Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to make love was when the church bells would start to ring. It was the perfect rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous....simply in on the ding and out on the dong. She paused to wipe away a tear and looked up at Katie, “He’d still be alive if that f***ing ice cream truck hadn’t come along!” --------------------------------------------------------------Lil’ Joey got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards. Inquisitive as ever, Lil’ Joey asked why he wore his collar backwards.The man, who was a Priest, said, ‘I am a Father. Lil’ Joey replied, ‘My Daddy’s a father and he doesn’t wear his collar like that.’ The Priest looked up from his book and answered, ‘’I am the Father of many. Lil’ Joey said, ‘’My Dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and two grandchildren and he doesn’t wear his collar that way!’ The Priest, getting impatient, said. ‘I am the Father of hundreds’, and went back to reading his book. Lil’ Joey sat quietly thinking for a while, then leaned over and whispered, “Maybe you should wear a condom, and put your pants on backwards instead of your collar.”