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Plain Sense of Summer "Mosquito is out, it's the end of the day; she's humming and hunting her evening away. Who knows why such hunger arrives on such wings at sundown? I guess it's the nature of things." - N. M. Boedecker, Midsummer Night Itch
Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
" Many public-school children seem to know only two dates: 1492 and 4th of July; and as a rule they don't know what happened on either occasion."
Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.
"Our fear of death is like our fear that summer will be short, but when we have had our swing of pleasure, our fill of fruit, and our swelter of heat, we say we have had our day."
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing. Grass is the cheapest plant to install and the most expensive to maintain. All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism. Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?
- Mark Twain
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
The Atheist and the Bear An atheist was taking a walk through the woods. "What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals", he said to himself. As he continued walking alongside the river he heard a rustling in the bushes. Turning to look, he saw a 7 foot grizzly charging towards him.
In the 60s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
He ran as fast as he could up the path. Looking over his shoulder he saw that the bear was closing in on him. His heart was pumping frantically and he tried to run even faster.
Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.
He tripped and fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up but saw the bear raising his paw to take a swipe at him.
All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
At that instant the atheist cried out: "Oh my God!..."
If the world were a logical place, men would ride horses sidesaddle.
Time stopped. The bear froze. The forest was silent. It was then that a bright light shone upon the man and a voice came out of the sky saying:
What is a 'free' gift? Aren't all gifts free?
"You deny my existence for all of these years, teach Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home others I don't exist and even credit creation to a and, when he grows up, he'll never be able to merge cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a his car onto a freeway. believer?" Experience is the thing you have left when The atheist looked directly into the light and said, everything else is gone. "Could you make the BEAR a Christian? I mean it One nice thing about egotists: They don't talk about would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps, could you other people. make the BEAR a Christian?" The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity. "Very well," said the voice. The light went out, and Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, the sounds of the forest resumed. and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants off. And then the bear lowered his paw, bowed his head and spoke: "Lord, bless this food which I am about Life is sexually transmitted. to receive and for which I am truly thankful, Amen."
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