Asking for help: It is OK not to be OK. Reiterating the misconstrued narrative of a 'perfect life'

Asking for help: It is OK not to be OK Reiterating the misconstrued narrative of a ‘perfect-life’

by Mercy Endondo, a Teacher of English, Literature and Drama at Crawford International School Kenya

Many times you have heard these questions reverberated ‘Why are you complaining?’ ‘Man up!’ ‘You should be grateful for the life you have.’ ‘Don’t worry, everything will be okay.’

While these statements intend to offer some sort of relief, they do not always serve that purpose. On the contrary, they may be more debilitating to the recipient because they trivialize the situation that they are experiencing.

More often, it is easier to communicate positive news. We are wired to celebrate good things and publicize this. We are encouraged to look at the brighter side of life and embrace ‘positive vibes’. Passing a test, getting a new job, winning a tournament, these are all momentous moments that signify growth. But is life all about wins?

Jack Ma the Founder of E-commerce giant Alibaba and currently one of the richest men in China with a net worth of close to $25 Billion knows quite a lot about failure and rejection. He failed to land a job after numerous applications and was reject severally even for jobs where he superseded the qualifications. When asked what kept him going, he said, “Well, I think we have to get used to it, we are not that good.” Treating rejections as opportunities to learn and grow is what Jack Ma made of it. He saw these instances as an opportunity to revitalize.

We shun failure and make it appear as though there is something wrong with people who do not live up to societal expectation of the epitomized success scales. Retrospectively, these moments of failure allow us to reflect, reset and readjust our goals. It is typical to get

wrapped up in our emotions to the point where we are unable to have a different perspective. This can lead to making permanent decisions on temporary situations. Getting past that barrier of self judgement and acknowledging that you need help is one of the bravest things you can do.

Toxic positivity has rendered us to assume that we need to always put up a brave face even when deep down we are falling apart. The influx of social medial accentuates this notion through the prevalence of the ‘idealized lifestyle’ when in actual sense the so called ‘socialites’ may be having it rough behind the screens.

Do yourself a favor by not getting wrapped up in the romanticized life of social media celebrity wannabes. True celebrities will tell you about the many times they failed, sort guidance and rose. Perfection is overrated and no one has it all figured out. The ‘I can do it by myself ’ tag and ‘self-made’ mentality is a fallacy. We need each other to thrive.

So, the next time you feel like the walls are closing in on you, and you want to cry, cry if you must. It is okay. Lie down for a bit, take a walk, listen to music, scream if you need to. It is acceptable.

But, do not let that take away your ingenuity because when all is said and done, what makes our life meaningful is the ability to overcome challenging situations. There is always someone to talk to: be it a friend, family or counselor. Take a deep breath and be courageous enough to ask for help because that alone, can make all the difference.