LESSON 1: SENSORY DETAILS
Revising
NEirne
the student Model
Revisel Replacing Plain Words One thing the writer might have done better was to use sensory details instead
of ordinary words. Sensory details make writing more vivid, descriptive, and enjoyable to read. Here is an example of how a sentence from the Student Model could be improved.
!@|
She was wet
U,fa,tpt"
a,,n
Ar
and cold.
drr,t{Alri'
r{4a'n r rLrr"
fa4,,r/fntu[
an, a,Ap' nAri,u'etzptr' a/n"d'
^tL(tN]odr
rLrt"
r{4r" UlAn/m*h-
A. Revise these sentences. Replace the plain words with vivid sensory details.
1.
Melissa was wide-eyed with excitement.
.,
r'&"',
,,,
Wofd
,r,34il&
cur'ly, ,, .,, ,focused,,,,.r.,
gla '." ''
2. "N-n-n-no," she said.
rgnsre' ,
' '
.intensely'
shiver: soaked ,, :,
sputter
3. The kidsquieted and looked at
4.
B,
She
r
her.
didn't seem to care.
Revise the character description you wrote
on page 10. Replace plain words with
vivid sensory details. Use another sheet of paper.
Writer's Companion'. UNIT 1 Lesson 1 Sensory Details