THE STRAITS TIMES TUESDAY, MAY 23, 2017
bigonkindness
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How do you handle conflicts?
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It is common to disagree, especially with people we interact with every day, such as friends and family members. The way you handle an argument tells if you are a kind and gracious person. Try the quiz below to find out your style of conflict management. By Jeffrey Ang SCENARIO 1
SCENARIO 2
SCENARIO 3
You are leading a group discussion on a four-week class assignment. Two weeks into the project, a new member joins the group. He suggests new ideas: they are valid but are totally different to the ones you have worked on. What do you do?
The class barbecue is tonight and you have entrusted your best friend with the duty of buying food. He turns up with food enough for only half the class and he feels it is sufficient. You know that this will spoil the entire evening. What do you do?
You are the captain of the school football team which just lost an important match. During the post-match meeting, one of your good friends blames you for giving away a goal. He calls you “an idiot” in front of everyone. What do you do?
a. Continue working on your ideas, hoping that he will change his views. b. Adopt his ideas and change the entire direction of the project. c. Incorporate some of his ideas, but still retain the original direction of the project.
a. Stay silent and hope that nobody complains about the lack of food. b. Agree with what your best friend did and tell the class not to eat too much. c. Thank him for getting the food and also call for some pizza to be delivered.
a. Pretend that you did not hear him and carry on with the meeting. b. Admit you are an idiot and carry on with the meeting. c. Admit you made a mistake but insist that football is a team sport and everyone is equally responsible for the result.
AND HERE ARE THE RESULTS... If you have chosen mostly option A: You have an “avoiding” style of managing conflict. This means you simply ignore the issue or pretend it is not there. Neither party achieves his goal and this approach merely hides the problem. Tip: The issue that is causing the conflict will continue to remain, fester, and may develop into an even greater conflict in the future. A better way may be to graciously accept that there is a problem and work on resolving it. If you have chosen mostly option B: Your style of managing conflicts is “accommodating”. You pander to the views of others, even if it is at your own expense, or the expense of the greater good. Tip: It may not be viable to maintain this approach for the
long term, and you will not be a good friend if you keep doing what he wants, and not what he should be doing. If you have chosen mostly option C: “Collaborating” is your style of managing conflicts. You become a partner with the other party and try to achieve both your goals. This approach requires a lot of time and effort to come up with a novel solution where everybody wins. Tip: This approach shows that you value and respect other people’s opinions and are gracious enough to admit that you may not be always right. This is not easy to pull off, but as a kind person, you can always try! Not sure what to do in certain situations? You can approach Tinkle Friend.
ILLUSTRATIONS: SINGAPORE CHILDREN’S SOCIETY
WHAT IS TINKLE FRIEND? Tinkle Friend is a toll-free helpline and online chat for primary school pupils to share about anything under the sun. Helpline: 1800-2744-788 Monday to Friday: 2.30pm to 5pm Online chat: www.tinklefriend.com Monday to Friday: 2.30pm to 5.30pm Every Wednesday evening: 6.30pm to 8.30pm