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Spring 2005 / The Merciless Grammarian Spring 2005 / Training
The Merciless Grammarian spews his wrath on nasty problems of grammar, mechanics, and style.
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Drawing by Nathan Baran Most Merciless of Grammarians, A coworker of mine and I are at loggerheads over a simple punctuation problem. In a recent company memo she wrote: Please arrive early, so we can begin on time. I don’t think the comma belongs there. What do you think? Obediently, Thuringia Spackle Ah, my dear Miss Spackle: Have I been reduced to settling petty office squabbles? I, who hold such great mastery of the language in my cruel grasp? Never mind, alas–such are the times. How I delight to see so many different aspects of grammar and punctuation swirling around at once. You see, what you and your erstwhile coworker have stumbled upon is not merely “a simple punctuation problem” but a swirling linguistic vortex sucking you helplessly into its maw. Like our language’s other patient workhorses it, that, and do, the word so serves many different purposes. When it connects clauses, so can do so in two different ways. As a coordinating conjunction, so indicates a simple consequence:
The fluids had congealed, so we started stuffing the casings. Here the two word groups each carry their own weight; both are independent clauses. Another use of so, however, makes one clause subordinate to the next: We kept the casings moist so they wouldn’t desiccate. I am being uncharacteristically informal here. If my language were wearing its customary spiked epaulets and codpiece, I would write "so that they wouldn’t desiccate." Now the second clause is subordinate to the first, and the relationship between the two is one of purpose: Why did we keep the casings moist? So they wouldn’t desiccate. (Try this little test with the first example and brace yourself for a semantic disjunction of the most debilitating sort. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.) We normally place commas before coordinating conjunctions that join independent clauses. Your coworker is obviously of the benighted impression that she is dealing with such an instance. So very, very wrong, Thuringia. Little so is a subordinator in your pedestrian memo sentence. Comma, begone! To avoid this sort of strife in the future, I suggest using so that so that (there it is) similarly misguided souls will not chide you for leaving out the comma. Yours in splendor, The Merciless One ‹ The English Tutor’s FAQs
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