DatingFor the Plot

“You should view potential romantic partners as mere characters in your story.”

In her journals, Sylvia Plath wrote, “It seems I must always write you letters that I can never send.” A moving sentiment but there remains the question: what would have happened if she had sent those letters? Would she have been rejected or redeemed? Felt relief or anxiety? Would she have received a response at all? We’ll never know the answers to these questions but the possibilities that lay within Plath’s reach are certainly interesting to think about.

‘Dating for the Plot’ is the new approach to romance that revolves around one simple motive: getting the best story possible. Rather than the continuous psychological evaluation of potential partners, or the overly careful act we put on to impress our dates, dating for the plot removes the soulless seriousness of courting in your twenties while also reigniting the fun of dating. Romantic partners are viewed as characters in our own complex and exhilarating plots whilst relationships provide the backdrop for our own personal ‘lore’. Whilst this approach may seem impersonal and perhaps even unwise, I’ve found it to be a surprisingly effective and enjoyable way to tackle the dismal dating scene presented to a twenty-year-old woman. Romantic disasters have been transformed into engaging plot material, heartbreak becomes the catalyst for character building, and all these experiences assume the basis for stories to share with friends. Dating for the plot is light-hearted, enjoyable and above all, extremely entertaining for your friend group.

But how exactly do you date for the plot? The first and arguably most important step is to approach dating with no expectations. Remove all preconceived notions of romance and all ideas of what love is meant to look like. I should add the disclaimer that this is not the endorsement of lowering your standards (if you’re in the field of liking men, it’s highly probable that your standards are already subatomic), but rather dating for the plot champions enjoyment over perfection. To enjoy romance is the key, rather than striving for flawlessness.

The second step is to view potential romantic partners as mere characters in your story. They are integral to the plot but not a prerequisite to your sense of personhood; not every character in your story is meant to be there for long. However, dating for the plot by no means endorses the mistreatment of another person, simply because they are a part of your story. They are still people, just people that shape our story, rather than define it.

This characterisation of romantic interests is greatly assisted by the assignment of a trusty nickname. Not only does this help them remain anonymous to people outside of your friend group (Trinity is a troublingly small campus and conversations will be overheard), the process of designating a nickname is the true work of a Dublin Creative.

Ultimately, to date for the plot is to enjoy the process of romance, rather than focus on the final outcome. Take risks, make the first move and, as cliché as it sounds, be yourself. After all, it is your story.

This method of dating has wholly and irrevocably altered my perception of romance. I won’t admit how many nights I’ve spent longing to be struck by Cupid’s arrow or waiting for a text from some guy I’ve met in the smoking section of Workman’s. Countless hours wasted when I should have been enjoying single life and dating simply to see what happens, rather than fixating on all the potential negative outcomes. To place yourself within a story not only reignites the excitement of romance, it simultaneously disregards many of the fears surrounding being single. Questioning whether you’re worthy of love? Time to start the next chapter and block your situationship. Feeling lonely? Go out with your friends and find a new character to add to your story. Crippled by boredom? Be reckless and text your crush. It’s all for the plot.

Perhaps the truest testimonial to the benefits of this method to romance is the positive effect it has on relationships outside of the dating sphere. Many of my own friendships have been strengthened by the process of bonding over dating nightmares or fawning over new crushes. Dating for the plot is conducive to the fine art of story-telling; an art that provides the foundations for some of the most significant connections in our lives. I cannot remember all the names of the boys I’ve kissed nor the number of dates I’ve been on, but I can remember snuggling into the couches in my flat, my friends huddled around me as I described the previous night’s encounter. I can remember their laughter and their shock. I can remember their disgust and their excitement. I remember them, the most integral part of my story; the people I tell it to.

Whether you view ‘Dating for the Plot’ as a horrifyingly flippant attitude to romance or your new, exciting method of dating, there is no denying that there is something of significance in it. To become the main character is to advocate for yourself, to defend your happiness, and to restore adventure back into your life. No experience is worthless and no opportunity should be missed. The plot is yours to create. And the best part? You can laugh about all your mistakes with your friends. Maybe the true love story is the friends you made along the way.