Mattie Jackson Selecman: Moments of Joy in Seasons of Pain

FINDING TRUE HEALING AFTER YOUR DEEPEST HEARTBREAK

Mattie Jackson Selecman on Loving Deeply with No Regrets

Growing up, Mattie Jackson Selecman watched her dad, country music superstar Alan Jackson, score hit after hit—and decided she’d be a storyteller, too. After college, Mattie wanted something more to write about and her dad encouraged her to seek new experiences and places. In that time, she met the love of her life, Ben Selecman.

Mattie never expected that just a few weeks shy of their one-year anniversary, her young husband would be in a tragic accident that would take his life. But Mattie has no regrets of loving so deeply, and wants to tell the world their story so the life and love Ben gave lives on.

Ben and Mattie with her parents, Denise and Alan Jackson

WHENEVER PEOPLE ASK ME ABOUT BEN, I wonder how long it’s going to take for my physical reaction not to be grinning, because he truly had this childlike joy. Ben walked the way Jesus walked. He saw people for who they were, not for what they did or for something that he wanted from them. And he brought life everywhere he was without expecting anything in return. We met one summer at a cookout, and he asked me if he could take me on a date. I said no. Then he asked me, “When can I ask you again?” And I said, “That’s a weird question. I don’t know, a month?” About three months later, I got a message that said, “Hey, this is Ben. You told me to wait a month, so I waited three for good measure. How about a date?” We talked every day after that. We just dated almost a year, we were engaged for a year, and we were married for just shy of a year.

We were in Florida when Ben had his accident. We’d been out on a boat, and there was a little rain shower like you have in Florida, nothing crazy. When we got back to the dock, it was slick. So Ben, like a gentleman, stepped up to help one of our girlfriends off the boat. He slipped on the steps the wrong way and fell back about ten feet and hit his head. He was conscious for about twenty-four hours after, which was such a kindness from the Lord, because I got to sit with him. He held my hand the same way, he told me he loved me. I never anticipated the fall to be fatal. But his brain just swelled so much. At the end of the day, what we were praying for Ben did happen. We kept praying, “May he be healed and whole.” And he is—he’s just with Jesus. And that’s the most healed and whole you can be. But it’s still very diffi cult. I know this is why a lot of people struggle in suff ering, because God could have stopped it. And on paper, we did all the things we were supposed to do to “get the miracle.” But we didn’t. After Ben passed, every day I had to surrender something to God, whether it was, “I’m going to pack up some of his clothes,” or, “I don’t know how to fi x this.” I wrote the things I was surrendering on a little page and literally put them in my Jesus Calling book. That way every morning, even when I didn’t feel like it, I would say, “Okay, Lord, these are Yours. I can’t handle it. I can’t control it. I can’t fi x it. I know You can, and I trust You to do it.” I think it’s natural to question, especially when you feel like you’ve done the right things. But that answer isn’t going to heal you. Only Jesus being beside you, crying with you, pouring His peace on you—that will heal. Eventually, you get past the point of needing to understand, and that is a really peaceful, secure place.

Adapted for print from the Jesus Calling Podcast. Put your phone in Camera mode and hover over this code to hear more of Mattie’s story!

You can fi nd Mattie’s book, Lemons on Friday, at your favorite book retailer today.

Try Your Hand at Journaling!

SURRENDER YOUR HURTS TO GOD

1. Have you ever tried to “do the right things” in order to get the outcome you wanted

in a diffi cult situation? Did that help or hurt the situation? Why or why not?

2. Think about a time you may have questioned God during one of your darkest moments.

Did that response frighten you? Or did asking questions lead you deeper into faith?

“A PERFECT TOOL IN MY DAILY RHYTHMS OF PRAYER”

You can begin each day with the assurance that the King of Kings is excited and ready to listen to you! Jesus Listens is a perfect tool in my daily rhythms of prayer and communion with our Lord.

@@ Matt ie