Vol.7 No.3
friend - ship /’fren(d)SHip/ noun
Friendship Defined
Lost, Found, Re-united, and Constant; Boomers bring new meaning
F (Forget)– Being Old: Celebrating 50 Years of Boomer Friendships Today’s BoomeR
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This Issue June / July 2018 Volume 7, Number 3
Social Security
5
Benefits for Children
Boomer Consumer Watch
7
Watch Out for the Dirty Dozen
Boomer Travel
Founders: John Vardallas & Alexandra Maragha Editor-In-Chief: Alexandra Maragha
9
Planning the Perfect Trip with Your Significant Other
Contributing Writers : Chef Eben Atwater: Healthy Eating Advertising: Team
Lifestyle Trendz
11
The Friend That Got Away
Old Enough For Sex
15
Marriage Has Become a Trophy
F (Forget)- Being Old 16 50 Years of Boomer Friendships Best Employees…
18
are not the Agreeable Ones
Dying at Your Desk is not a Retirement Plan
19
Boomer Healthy Eating
23
For Letters to the Editor, articles and feedback as well as advertising inquiries email Alexandra@TheAmericanBoomeR.com
The American BoomeR.com John Vardallas CEO/Founder Professional Speaker Business/Lifestyle Strategist Boomer Sage and Blogger JohnVardallas@TheAmericanBoomeR.com (608) 577-8707 Alexandra Maragha Founder & Editor-In-Chief Today’s BoomeR Alexandra@TheAmericanBoomeR.com Today’s BoomeR Vol.7 No.3 Today’s BoomeR is published
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The American Boomer @American_Boomer Today’s BoomeR 3
EDITOR’S LETTER Friendship Defined by many as many forms, experiences, moments and memories. Friendship. It is the easiest and hardest verb and noun, maybe even more challenging than love in its true longevity, struggle, witnessing, endurance, compassion, and even remorse.
(feature)
As we grow and more specifically age, our new experiences define us and create a point of determination if the “friends” we had say in our first childhood neighborhood or school will also have similar points of determination to continue to grow together and maintain similarities in interests based on experiences. These points bring a series of inner questioning and exploration to determine if an initial encounter of meeting someone will grow into an acquaintance, to a consistent face and person of contact based on interests, leading to a more meaningful investment of care, all the way to an ultimate bond of deep connection, understanding, trust, sincerity, unconditional appreciation, loyalty, love and companionship intertwined as partnership and the unicorn of a true friend. The term “friendship” is used on many levels, but in those moments this term is used throughout our lives, the attachment and sentiment is of equal momentary value. We all remember our “best friend” from elementary school and if we are all able to remember those child moments of the innocence and emotion within that encounter, and identify the reasoning for this person to become “my best friend” in that moment, it would translate all the same as a need and common bond with the only difference being an experience that has yet to pass to change us. For some, no experience can p. 4 change the status of the need of a bond formed, defining in its strongest level, friendship. Now, after years have passed, we come to think of those referred to as “friends” and how they have come and gone and the moments and representations they have held in our lives, each with their purpose and meaning realized and appreciated, even If the outcome was seemingly negative at the time. The moments that life is, if occurred any different, would not make us who we are today, giving purpose and meaning to each encounter and special value to each friendship; a gift of life so common and so rare.
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Alexandra Maragha Editor-In-Chief 4 Today’s BoomeR
Social Security:
Benefits for Children
By Social Security Administration, SSA.gov
In 2017, we distributed an average of $2.6 billion each month to a student or disabled. benefit about 4.2 million children because one or both of their
-If your child is a student parents are disabled, retired, or deceased. Those dollars help to Three months before your child’s 18th birthday, we’ll send a provide the necessities of life for family members and help notice to you letting you know that benefits will end when your make it possible for those children to complete high school. child turns 18. Benefits don’t end if your child is a full-time When a parent becomes disabled or dies, Social Security
student at a secondary (or elementary) school. If your child is
benefits help stabilize the family’s financial future.
younger than 19 and still attending a secondary or elementary
NOTE: Disabled children whose parents have little income or resources
school, they must notify us. They must complete a statement of
may be eligible for Supplemental Security Income benefits. Read the
attendance certified by a school official. The benefits will then
publication, Benefits for Children With Disabilities (Publication No. 0510026)
Who can get child’s benefits? Your unmarried child can get benefits if they’re: • Younger than age 18; • 18-19 years old and a full-time student (no higher than grade 12); or • 18 or older with a disability that began before age 22. Under certain circumstances, we can also pay benefits to a stepchild, grandchild, step-grandchild, or adopted child. To get benefits, a child must have: • A parent who’s disabled or retired and entitled to Social Security benefits; or • A parent who died after having worked long enough in a job where they paid Social Security taxes. What you’ll need when you apply for child’s benefits When you apply for benefits for your child, you’ll need the child’s birth certificate and the parent’s and child’s Social Security numbers. Depending on the type of benefit involved, other documents may be required. For example, if you’re applying for survivors benefits for the child, you’ll need to furnish proof of the parent’s death. If you’re applying for benefits for a disabled child, you’ll need to furnish medical evidence to prove the child’s disability. The Social Security representative who sees you will tell you what other documents you may need. Benefits can continue at age 18 Benefits stop when your child reaches age 18 unless your child is
usually continue until your child graduates, or until two months after reaching age 19, whichever comes first.
-If your child is disabled Benefits will continue at age 18 to a child who’s disabled. Childhood disability benefits are also payable after reaching age 18, if the disability began before age 22. -If you take care of a child If you’re receiving benefits because you have a child in your care, the date your benefits stop can be different than the child’s. If the child isn’t disabled, your benefits will end when they turn 16. If the child is disabled, your benefits can continue if you exercise parental control and responsibility for a mentally disabled child. Your benefits can also continue if you perform personal services for a child who’s physically disabled. Before the child reaches 16, we’ll send a notice to you describing the conditions under which your benefits can continue. How much can a family get? Within a family, a child can receive up to half of the parent’s full retirement or disability benefit. If a child receives survivors benefits, they can get up to 75 percent of the deceased parent’s basic Social Security benefit. There is a limit, however, to the amount of money that we can pay to a family. The family maximum payment is determined as part of every Social Security benefit computation. It can be from 150 to 180 percent of the parent’s full benefit amount. If the total amount payable to all family members exceeds this limit, we reduce each person’s benefit proportionately (except the parent’s) until the total equals the maximum allowable amount.
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TheAmericanBoomer.com Thanks You for your continual Support and for making your voice heard in Saving Our Social Security! While we have heard YOUR voice through signing our petition, the work to maintain and preserve the Social Security Trust Fund is far from over.
URGE YOUR CONGRESSIONAL REPRESENTATIVES AND LOCAL GOVERNMENT LEADERS TO PRESERVE THE SOCIAL SECURITY TRUST FUND! MAKE THEM HEAR YOUR VOICE BY CALLING, WRITING, EVEN TWEETING YOUR VOICE TO SAVE OUR SOCIAL SECURITY! #SOSS
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Boomer Consumer Watch:
Watch Out for the Dirty Dozen By Michelle Jolly Healthy Horizons Coaching LLC michelle@healthyhorizonsllc.com
comes out with a list of the top 12 types of produce that they have found to have the most pesticides on them. As it is many years, strawberries top the list. That doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy some juicy It’s summer and that means it’s berry time! But berries on your ice cream or pancakes, well that’s wait. Have you ever just grabbed a container of another article with the dairy and white carb strawberries or some apples from the produce topic. You just need to make sure you buy these dirty section of your favorite grocery store because they dozen items from a farmer that uses organic practices look so beautiful and tasty? Did you know they might when growing your produce or from your local not be as healthy as you think? co-op / grocery store. You will actually taste the Every year the Environmental Working Group (EWG) difference. Organically grown produce has so much
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more flavor. Yes, you may find a little worm or some other creature in them once in a while, but that is ok. It means they aren’t doused with toxic chemicals that are damaging the soil, environment and putting unwanted toxins in your body. EWG also includes a list of the top 15 fruits and vegetables that are the cleanest. So if you are on a budget and can’t afford to buy everything organic, these are a few things you can get away with buying from conventional farmers. Here they are…The Dirty Dozen: •
Strawberries
•
Spinach
•
Nectarines
•
Apples
•
Grapes
•
Peaches
•
Cherries
•
Pears
•
Tomatoes
•
Celery
•
Potatoes
•
Sweet Bell Peppers
For a pocket size version of both lists go to: https:// www.ewg.org/foodnews/ To hear more about eating healthy and creating a life you love, find me on your favorite form of social media or check out my website: http:// healthyhorizonsllc.com. 8 Today’s BoomeR
How to Plan the Perfect Trip With Your Significant Other This Summer
BOOMER TRAVEL
By Anna Goldfarb, The New York Times Image Amrita Marino
Make sure your bae-cation is one to remember — without the logistical headaches. A vacation doesn’t start when your plane takes off or the train leaves the station. The real beginning of a vacation is when you’re huddled over a computer with your travel partner, agonizing over which flight to book, where to stay, what your budget will look like, all the while lamenting the jet lag you’re going to endure. It’s that string of conversations and decisions that really kicks thing off. (And in fact, all of that anticipation is likely to be better than the actual vacation.)
Couples who travel together are more satisfied with the quality of their relationships, and they enjoy improved romance after the trip is concluded, according to a study by the U.S. Travel Association. Taking a break from work and the stresses of daily life is a fantastic way to recharge a couple’s spark, but some 30 percent of couples have never embarked on a couples-only vacation, according to Travelocity. Whether you’ve been globe-trotting with your longtime sweetheart, or you’re booking plane tickets for two for the first time, here are some key ways to make sure your adventure is nothing but smooth sailing.
Shorter getaways are best When it comes to romantic trips, shorter is better, according to Dr. Angela M. Durko, assistant professor at Texas A&M University’s department of recreation, park and tourism sciences. She said a drop in vacation satisfaction usually occurs after about six days. So if you’re going on a romantic getaway, book it for under a week. “Couples whose schedules won’t permit lengthy nor frequent travel together may Today’s be ableBoomeR to still enjoy the 9
benefits of vacations through shorter, more meaningful vacations,” she said.
said. “This may lead to decreased vacation satisfaction for both traveling partners.”
Dr. Durko also found those who had traveled for leisure with their significant other two to three times a year showed the highest relationship satisfaction.
Manage your expectations
“Couples should keep in mind that a bae-cation is about experiencing a destination together,” said Oneika Raymond, 35, a Travel Channel host and author of the blog Oneika the Traveller.
“It wasn’t enjoyable, and I was so upset,” she recalled.
People who have their hearts set on a romantic, whirlwind vacation full of rose petals and moonlight beach walks might Doing what you desire increases satisfaction of the vacation as be in for disappointment when the trip doesn’t deliver an well. Don’t mope around a maritime museum or embark on a Instagram-perfect love-a-thon. There’s a number of reasons a punishing hike in hopes of pleasing your partner if you’d rather trip might go sideways — illness, bad weather, unanticipated thumb through a magazine by the hotel pool. Be upfront about expenses — and the goal is to deal with these disappointments what each person needs from the trip — relaxation, as a team to make the best of any situation. adventure, culture, excitement — and do your best to make Lucie Josma, 32, a social media manager and travel sure everyone’s requirements are met. photographer based in New York, knows how damaging high Agree to a budget expectations can be. When she first began taking trips with her husband, she went overboard: “I thought everything was going Before getting too far along with your planning, sit down with to be ridiculously romantic. I’d over-plan things and we had to your partner to talk about what each person feels comfortable have a five-course meal every single night with no downtime.” spending — and how they want to spend that money. Her disappointment culminated on a trip to Venice in 2016. Resentment over how time and money was spent is the She was fixated on the idea of taking a gondola ride down the biggest issue Ms. Osequeda sees with couples when they canals; it was supposed to be the ultimate picture-esque return from a trip. Sidestep tiffs by coming up with a budget couple’s moment. Unfortunately, because of a lack of funds for flights, accommodations, food, excursions and shopping. and a throng of tourists who edged her out, the boat ride Create a loose schedule together — and be flexible didn’t happen.
She suggests drafting a list of things to do, see and experience before you pack a single sock, as it will help to get you on the same page once you’re at your destination. “In order to ensure the trip is the best it can be, couples should recognize that traveling in each other’s company requires compromise,” she said.
Getting excited for a trip is half the fun. Just remember to keep your excitement in check.
Embrace downtime Dr. Durko emphasizes that it is not normal — nor recommended — for couples spend the entire vacation tethered together. “We don’t do this in our daily lives, and the sudden change to this during a vacation can be a shock to a relationship,” she said.
Ms. Raymond, who lives in New York, is an early riser, while her husband likes to sleep in. “So, instead of waiting for him to She suggests leaving time for each partner to decompress and wake up, I go for a run or do some sightseeing on my own,” have time to themselves during the vacation, “even if it’s just she said of her own couple’s getaways. time alone to get ready for dinner, a hotel gym workout, or even a few hours of separate excursions.” Give yourselves the It’s also wise to avoid a dynamic where one person is tasked gift of sharing your new experiences when you come together with doing all of the planning, as it can lead to disappointment. later in the day. The person who makes the arrangements “may feel an increased sense of responsibility or stress if the nonplanning Ms. Raymond, the Travel Channel host, and her husband like partner isn’t enjoying the plans or makes changes after the to give each other breathing room, especially when they’re on planning partner invested time and resources,” Ms. Durko longer trips. 10 Today’s BoomeR
Baby Boomer Lifestyle Trendz:
The Friend That Got Away Beverly Donofrio looks back on a friendship she hadn’t expected to make — or to lose.
By Beverly Donofrio, Longreads A year or two after we graduated, my best friend from college went through a breakup with a two-timing cad who nearly broke her. I knew from conversations that there had been epic fights and that she’d kept a journal through the worst of it. I was trying to be a writer in the middle of my own epicly bad relationship and asked if I might borrow her journal to read. I thought there might be some knowledge, some insights, and perhaps even some good lines I might ask to use in the novel I was planning but never actually getting down to writing. Katherine handed me her spiral notebook, one hand on top, the other on the bottom, like a Bible for swearing on, and asked me to promise I’d take good care of it. And I did promise. And then I lost it. Katherine hid her disappointment well. *** My friendship with Katherine began when she was 28, I was 26, and we were in the same boat: single mothers, old to be in college. We were together in each other’s houses about as often as we were alone in our own.
Katherine’s oldest daughter, Sophie, and my son, Jason, were best friends and both 8. Katherine’s youngest, Lucy, was a wild little 4-year-old I loved to pieces. The university called Katherine and me “Nontraditional Students,” and the administrations’ situating us on the same dead-end street turned out to be brilliant social planning. We were three single mothers, a graduate student’s family, and a couple of untenured professors’ families. We had cooperative meals and cooperative daycare, which meant we parents only had to be at home one day a week and be responsible to watch all our kids once they were let out of school. This utopic situation was all thanks to Katherine, who’d had the ideas and organized everything.
Yet the first time I laid eyes on her, I wanted to turn on my heel and run the other way. I was about to round the corner of our road carrying an armful of used books I’d bought for classes that would begin in a few days. She pulled up in her yellow VW bug, rolled down her window, a golden-brown pageboy tucked behind her ears, a smile flashing very white teeth. “Welcome to the neighborhood. Golly, it’s nice to meet you,” she Today’s BoomeR 11
practically effervesced. I did not believe anyone could be that cheerful — or glad to meet me — and disliked her immediately. But I had just transferred to Wesleyan, and because I was a community college transfer to the pseudo-ivy league, I was feeling like the little match girl who’d climbed in the lit window. And because I did not know this social class’s rules of engagement, I managed to suppress the sneer I held in reserve for any show of bubbliness I had the misfortune to witness.
But Katherine and I met again at those cooperative meals, at which she relentlessly invited me to tea, and before the fall had turned chilly, we were friends, even though I’d found out that, just as I’d suspected, she’d been a cheerleader in high school. She was also an economics major and a Republican, who couldn’t be more different from my working-class Italian, dyed-inthe-wool, Franklin Delano Roosevelt, Democratic roots. Her extroverted friendliness was a counterpoint to my own distrustful, misanthropic tendencies. She cheered me up and I made her a little more real.
attractive and extremely boring, so I made fun of her for letting them drone on and on while she pretended to be interested. But it didn’t take long to see how often Katherine’s smile masked a crackling rage, and that those men were invited in to distract her from a sadness that reached deep down and far back, a sadness that touched my own and made me love her. She had an easel set up in a corner of her dining room, where sometimes she worked on her painting of a sky with moody clouds lit up with silver and gold, and rendered in grids.
On the precious weekends we were free of kids, we’d dip into John B’s, a student hangout bar. We’d be there by noon on a Saturday, and no matter how sunny it was outside, it would be dark inside, red glass globes on every table, glowing a little like hell or a cozy fire. It felt like home, like chicken in the oven, a cup of hot chocolate on a cold rainy day. At the bar, we ordered gin and tonics then loaded two dollars’ worth of quarters into the jukebox. We sat in a back booth to My friendship with Katherine began when she was 28, I avoid the sunshine you could see through the front was 26, and we were in the same boat: single mothers, window, reminding us of the laundry we weren’t doing, the groceries we weren’t buying, papers due, books old to be in college. unread. Soon, we were eating together every other night, having sleepovers, dancing with the kids, and Katherine would hold up her glass, “Here’s to us.” disciplining each one as if they were all our own — at Other students came and went. They played pinball least I was disciplining hers: “Lucy! Take that spoon of and their own songs on the jukebox. We nursed our sugar out of your mouth.” drinks, ordered others and nursed them too, and in Sometimes dinner wasn’t served until bedtime; what seemed like a few hours, the sun at the window sometimes the refrigerator had no milk. At McDonald’s faded, and the last thing Katherine and I wanted to do we’d let Lucy sit on top of the table and Sophie and was leave, but there was so much we’d avoided doing Jason order the food and serve us. Katherine had a that now needed to be tended to. piano in the corner of her dining room that she Outside the air smelled of the Connecticut River, sweet sometimes played at night, smoking and drinking, and and muddy and redolent of the day we’d missed. A few if we could corral the kids, playing songs we all could miles away, our homes sat empty and lonely. We were sing. When she served spaghetti for dinner she put both thinking the same thing: It was time to go home. green beans and a plop of cottage cheese for protein And then I finally spoke. on every plate; something that would be positively “I’ve got to read Middlemarch. Do you know how long weird in my family, something I began doing too. Middlemarch is?” Mostly Katherine drank Tab by the gallon, but some evenings she switched to gin and tonics, and I smoked “It’s better than Statistics.” pot, watching Katherine sip her drink, chew bubWe slammed the car doors. I groaned and Katherine blegum, smoke Virginia Slims and pace with short would have groaned, too, if such a sound were in her sliding steps, picking up a shoe, an empty glass, an repertoire. We stared through the windshield at ashtray, seeming to fret, but smiling, always smiling. nothing for a while, and then, coming to the rescue, Various professors and Ph.D. candidates had crushes one of us said, “Feel like a Dairy Queen?” on her and dropped by to sit on her sofa or porch and *** not take their eyes off of her. They were not very 12 Today’s BoomeR
Those days when Katherine and her girls were our family are long gone. Katherine graduated the year before I did, moved to New Haven, and found a job selling radio time to advertisers. When I graduated, I moved to New York City and worked lousy part-time jobs while trying to be a writer. For half a decade, on Thanksgivings and Christmases, Jase and I spent the day with my family a few towns away, then drove to Katherine’s to spend the evening with her and her girls. Katherine and I drank wine, Lucy followed me from room to room, and we snuggled on the sofa, while Sophie and Jason retreated to Sophie’s room, closed the door, and probably traded crazy-mother stories. We visited during the year, too, and we wrote letters. When Katherine fell in love with the cad, I was afraid she was becoming an alcoholic. She lost 30 pounds and her smoky blue eyes turned turquoise. Eventually she caught him cheating on her and broke up with him. She took him back a few times, until suddenly, shockingly, he married someone else. She went a little mad. When she gave the journal to me to read, I promised to take good care of it, even though I was not taking very good care of myself. I’d entered a tempestuous relationship of my own, with a drunk afflicted with severe separation anxiety. When it finally sunk in that I’d become a drunk myself, and his captive, I asked a girlfriend to wait outside while I broke it to him that I was leaving. He grabbed my arm and would not let go, so my friend called the police, who barred his way as I walked out the door with my son and only the clothes on our backs. Jason and I slept on my friend’s living room floor until I could afford a place of our own. One day when I knew my ex-lover would be at work, I sneaked back and retrieved Jason’s and my clothing but left everything else behind — including Katherine’s journal. I apologized, of course. And although she never said anything more about it, I doubt she ever truly forgave me. ***
When Katherine came to visit me in my new little East Village apartment that winter, we drank cognac at the table facing Avenue A and didn’t laugh as much as we once did. She was supposed to meet my new boyfriend that night, but she insisted I go see him without her. When I returned, she was missing. I worried that I’d been rude to leave her, and when she didn’t answer the phone, I worried that she was dead somewhere. I called
and cried and called all night. Finally, late in the morning, she answered. She’d missed the last train and spent the evening locked in Grand Central. Katherine handed me her spiral notebook, one hand on top, the other on the bottom, like a Bible for swearing on, and asked me to promise I’d take good care of it. And then I lost it. We became involved in our own lives, had new best friends who lived closer. But we wrote a letter now and then, called and still visited occasionally. The summer before my first book was to come out and I would turn 40, I rented a big house in San Miguel de Allende, Mexico, for three months, and invited Katherine and a few women friends from the MFA program I’d attended to chip in and stay for however long they could manage. Katherine’s two-week visit coincided with my friend Kirsten’s four-week visit. Katherine seemed distant and odd, and possibly jealous. She barely interacted with Kirsten and refused to go along when we went dancing at night, or to the hot springs, or hiking up in the botanical preserve. Instead she decided at the last minute to study Spanish. She was in class six hours every day, and busy with homework every night. She had never studied Spanish before and would not continue once she left. It seemed she was bent on avoiding us. Jason and his friend from college were also visiting, and each of us took turns making a feast a week. When it was Katherine’s turn, she bought a rotisserie chicken and tortillas at the market. I didn’t call her after that visit and she didn’t call me. *** Half a decade later, when Katherine was 48 and I was 45, Sophie invited Jason and me to her wedding, and we couldn’t wait to go. But I squandered what could have been a really rich time by bringing the man I was newly infatuated with. He was still in love with his old girlfriend but wouldn’t admit it, and I spent more time at the wedding trying to seduce him than visiting with Katherine or Sophie or Lucy. Katherine and I never spoke again. When I was 60, Jason and Sophie found each other on Facebook. Jason told me Sophie’s a psychotherapist who runs a mental health facility, Lucy’s a graphic designer with a wife and two children, and Katherine’s now a Democrat who campaigned for Obama. I wrote Sophie to ask her to please send me her mother’s contact info and to pass mine on to her mother. I never Today’s BoomeR 13
heard from Sophie or Katherine. I searched Facebook for Katherine and Lucy and couldn’t find them. Then at 64, not ancient but well past middle age, it began to feel like the closer I got to my end, the more present my past seemed to be, visiting my days like smoke after a fire you’ve already put out. An image, a smell, a song could fill me with a bittersweet longing to go back, if only for a moment. I was no longer surprised to hear that a friend or an acquaintance had had a heart attack, a stroke, or was undergoing chemo for cancer. In the past three years a close friend had died and I’d buried both of my parents. I have a brother, two sisters, a son, daughter-in-law, two grandchildren, but I wanted more family, and I wanted more people in my life who felt like family. I was surprised that at my age I felt like an orphan, and I wasn’t surprised when the song “Never Can Say Goodbye” began playing in my mind like an echo. I hummed it out loud on the grocery line, on the toilet, as I washed the dishes, checked my cell phone. I sang it in the car and when I walked my dog. I began thinking, again, of my old friend. I did not want our lives to end without us ever talking. I planned to apologize for my behavior, and ask if perhaps I’d done something in Mexico to offend her. Maybe she’d forgive me.
Many people are able to let down their defenses or break right through them to deeper love, while I am an emotional coward. I do have close friends, ones who would be surprised to hear me say I have trouble with intimacy, because we share our stories, our hopes, our fears, our shame. But come to a potential bump in the road, and I’ll circle round it like a champion bicyclist, which is what I did that day with Katherine. Instead of talking about the lost journal, our terrible time in Mexico, or my rudeness at her daughter’s wedding, Katherine and I talked about my mutt, Lovey, who is the same size her mutt, Pupper, once had been. We remembered how Snoopy, the Beagle from next door, used to knock on Pupper’s door every morning, and the two would lope off across the soccer field into the woods. I told her I’d send her my latest book. We agreed that after she read it we’d meet in New York, lay eyes on each other, go to dinner, visit a museum. We hung up and I thought of how nice it was to hear her voice, to laugh and know there are no hard feelings. Months passed and Katherine still hadn’t acknowledged that she’d received my book or called. One Sunday, I put water on for tea and looked out the window, at the barren winter trees, the snow in patches on the ground, and thought how our friendship is like the leaves that danced in the sun all summer then fell in the fall, and that’s fine.
I Googled Katherine’s name, and finally, like a message in a bottle, in the free white pages on the internet, I found her address and phone number. I called and left a I Googled Katherine’s name, and finally, like a message in a bottle, in the free white pages on the internet, I message, asking her to call me. But she didn’t. found her address and phone number. I called and left a When she gave the journal to me to read, I promised to message, asking her to call me. take good care of it, even though I was not taking very good care of myself. It began to snow. My dog was asleep in front of the woodstove, a package with cards and candy was on its Until one Sunday afternoon a few months later. I forgot way to my grandkids for Valentine’s Day. I was grateful how light and musical her voice is, how her laugh that the longing for those college days and my old bubbles up between her words. We’re so familiar it’s as friend had passed, at least for the moment. Katherine though we talked last week, but there’s so much to tell. and I had had our beginning, middle, and end. Our time We told each other about our kids, our grandkids, their now felt complete. Even if we never spoke again, we got lives, their spouses, her last job, my writing. to have the last word. I did not apologize; I didn’t want to risk ruining our good time, and there seemed no need to — or so I thought. But maybe I didn’t apologize because I dodge conflict Beverly Donofrio is the author of three memoirs: the like a ton of bricks about to fall on me. Conflict can lead New York Times bestselling Riding in Cars with Boys, to more intimacy, and perhaps I like to well the wall I’ve which was made into a popular movie; Looking for Mary built around my heart — one rock of disappointment (Or, the Blessed Mother and Me); and Astonished: A and hurt piled on another — built of the pains that Story of Healing and Finding Grace. She is on the faculty happen in the course of any life, as though keeping of the low residency MFA program at Wilkes University. them close will protect me. It’s not logical. But it’s true. 14 Today’s BoomeR
Old Enough for Sex : Marriage Has Become a Trophy A Wedding is no longer the first step into adulthood that it once was, but, often, the last By Andrew Cherlin, The Atlantic
benefits of married couples, such as the ability to submit a joint federal tax return. But the legal issues, important as they are, appear secondary. In a 2013 survey conducted by the Pew Research Center, 84 percent of LGBT individuals said that “love” was a very important reason to marry, and 71 percent said “companionship” was very important, compared to 46 percent who said that “legal rights and benefits” are very important.
The decline of marriage is upon us. Or, at least, that’s what the zeitgeist would have us believe. In 2010, when Time magazine and the Pew Research Center famously asked Americans whether they thought marriage was becoming obsolete, 39 percent said yes. That was up from 28 percent when Time asked the question in 1978. Also, since 2010, the Census Bureau has reported that married couples have made up less than half of all households; in 1950 they made up 78 Yet the emphasis on love and companionship is not enough to explain the same-sex marriage boom. Without doubt, most percent. Data such as these have led to much collective of the middle-aged same-sex couples who have married of handwringing about the fate of the embattled institution. late already had love and companionship—otherwise they But there is one statistical tidbit that flies in the face of this would not have still been together. So why marry now? conventional wisdom: A clear majority of same-sex couples Marriage became for them a public marker of their successful who are living together are now married. Same-sex marriage union, providing them the opportunity to display their love was illegal in every state until Massachusetts legalized it in and companionship to family and friends. One reason, of 2004, and it did not become legal nationwide until the course, was the desire to claim a right so long denied, but Supreme Court decision Obergefell v. Hodges in 2015. Two that only further underlines the way in which marriage today years after that decision, 61 percent of same-sex couples who signals to the wider community the success of a long-standing were sharing a household were married, according to a set of relationship. surveys by Gallup. That’s a high take-up rate: Just because In this sense, these gay couples were falling right in line with same-sex couples are able to marry doesn’t mean that they have to; and yet large numbers have seized the opportunity. the broader American pattern right now: For many people, regardless of sexual orientation, a wedding is no longer the (That’s compared with 89 percent of different-sex couples.) first step into adulthood that it once was, but, often, the last. The move toward marriage has not been driven by young gay It is a celebration of all that two people have already done, and lesbian couples rushing to the altar. In both the year unlike a traditional wedding, which was a celebration of what before and the year after Obergefell, only one out of seven a couple would do in the future. people whom the Census Bureau classified as in a same-sex Consistent with this shift in meaning, different-sex couples, marriage was age 30 or younger, according to calculations like the many of the same-sex couples who have married I’ve done based on the bureau’s American Community recently, are starting their marriages later in their lives. Survey. In fact, half of them were age 50 or older. The only way that could have happened, given that same-sex marriage According to the Census Bureau, the median age at first marriage—the age at which half of all marriages occur—was has been legal for less than 15 years, is if large numbers of 27.4 for women and 29.5 for men in 2017. That’s higher than older same-sex couples who had been together for many at any time since the Census began keeping records in 1890. years took advantage of the new laws. In other words, It is six years higher than when I got married in 1972 (at the changes in state and federal laws seem to have spurred a typical age of 24). In my era, a young couple usually got backlog of committed, medium- to long-term couples to married first, then moved in together, then started their adult marry. roles as workers or homemakers, and then had children. (I Why would they choose to do so after living, presumably scandalized my parents by living with my future wife before I happily, as cohabiting unmarried partners? In part, they may married her.) Now marriage tends to come after most of have married to take advantage of the legal rights and these markers are attained. Today’s BoomeR 15
F– (Forget) Being Old: “From Teenagers to Seen-agers” Celebrating 50 Years of Boomer Friendships By John A. Vardallas, Founder/CEO TheAmericanBoomeR.com
As we Boomers get older, we know that life gets shorter so its important to prioritize your life s desires and to cherish those who are meaningful parts of your life. For most of us, it goes beyond just family, and for this boomer, it extends into friendships that have lasted half a century.
that it is voluntary. With family, you get what your born with—the good, and hopefully, not the bad and ugly. Friendships create a sense of belonging and a feeling of being appreciated by others. Many friendships forged in high school even though strong, seem to dissolve after graduation due to geography, time, and family start ups. For some reason, my group of guys has always stayed connected over the decades in spite of political and cultural differences and status changes. My friendships began in my K-12 years as classmates and teammates. Playing multiple sports in high school and attending school activities on a weekly basis helped establish a bond that has lasted through today.
For me it all started in high school during the 1960s. Growing up on the northwest side of Chicago and attending Steinmetz High School, was, and still is, one of my most cherished times of life. And the friendships created—I am glad to say-- are still part of my life. Growing up during the turbulent sixties was truly a challenge with all the social changes taking place in America; not to mention the Vietnam war.
Prep football, basketball, and baseball forged common ties with like-minded friends that began in school. As adults, this adventurous group evolved to park softball, poker nights, golf outings and Chicago Cubs and Blackhawks games. Remembering our days of being “Streaks” has endured to this day, even though we now manifest that physical prowess at the regular poker games and weekly AM senior bowling leagues.
Traditional activities have helped to keep the friendships going despite divorces, deaths, illnesses and This era helped shape our baby boomer attitudes about the maladies of aging. The close bonds that were forged have also been positive during times loneliness society for a lifetime. and depression that many of us experience at intervals in our lives due to such life events. Having true friendships are a bit different than having family member relationships simply because one Our close friendships helped to shape how we have chooses his or her friends. The nature of friendship is 16 Today’s BoomeR
responded based on the support and care shown by all.
There is truly a special bond in this group of guys. We have maintained our connections through all the phases of our lives for five decades—from our teenage years to our Social Security “Seen-age” years.
It is safe to say that we have all been mood enhancers for each other over the years and have tolerated our frailties and participated in each others’ It’s a life lesson that proves different kinds of friends can live happily by just enjoying connecting with each celebrations and setbacks. other as the greatest benefit. However, the one thing that ties Joe, Steve, Rich, Bob, Al, Steve, Mike, Jim, Tom, Dom and Johnny is Its’ cool to know that our friendship is still golden that we are still friends and cherish each other’s pure after all these years. company after all these years. So lets rock on, guys— here’s to the next 50! Mile stone events from reunions to mourning the loss of friends have reinforced and nurtured our bonds. Every time we convene a gathering, usually bi-monthly, the anticipation of seeing each other and discovering what is new, lifts our spirits high. In the earlier days, we would share our experiences with Brylcream, Jade East, Clearasil, and our GTO and Mustang muscle cars. Now, Sun Screen 100, Blue Emu, Vitamins, our latest aches and pains, medications, and how we are filling our retirement time, jump-start many of our discussions.
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The best employees are not the agreeable ones, according to Adam Grant By Oliver Staley, Quartz at Work
Cheerful and helpful workers are beloved by their bosses, and just about everyone else, really. Enthusiastic optimists make for great colleagues, rarely cause problems, and can always be counted on.
But they may not necessarily make the best employees, says Adam Grant, the organizational psychologist and Wharton professor.
taker. Givers and takers both can be either agreeable or disagreeable. While the worst employees are disagreeable takers— in a slide, Grant compared them to the vicious Lannisters on Game of Thrones—the agreeable takers are deceptively terrible, fooling colleagues into thinking they’re generous while secretly undermining the organization.
Speaking in Chicago at the annual conference of the Society for Human Resource Management, Grant said he separates workers along two axes: givers and takers, and agreeable and disagreeable. Givers share of themselves and make their colleagues better, while takers are selfish and focused only on their own interests. The agreeable/disagreeable spectrum is The agreeable giver may seem like the ideal what it sounds like: some workers are friendly, some employee, but Grant says their sunny disposition can are grouchy. make them averse to conflict and too eager to agree. Grant has found there’s no correlation between being Disagreeable givers, on the other hand, can be a pain in the ass, but valuable to an organization, Grant says. friendly and being a giver, nor being a grump and a 18 Today’s BoomeR
‘Dying at your desk is not a retirement plan’ By Thomas Heath, Washington Post
Gilbert, 55, who retired last week, started saving decades ago for what could be one of our most fraught decisions: When do I retire?
And whether they have a lot of money or a little, “people are too nervous to pull the trigger and retire,” Washington financial adviser Lori Atwood said.
The question is deeply personal. It requires a brutal look at your life.
But you need to figure it out, she says. Otherwise, “you could be chained to your desk forever.”
Some people get a pit in the stomach when they think about saying goodbye to that paycheck. Or at the prospect of deconstructing a nest egg they spent decades building. They might worry about feeling irrelevant or bored without the stimulation of work.
The habit of saving
For most people, retirement won’t be carefree. They will replace whatever worries they have now with a new set of concerns: health (and their mortality), money, humankind’s future.
Assets include pensions/annuities, Social Security, investments, inheritance, and salary or wages if you plan on working. On the outgoing side are daily living expenses, health care, long-term care and fun stuff such as travel and philanthropy.
Fritz Gilbert knew in his 20s that he did not want to die at his desk.
Of course, timing is everything: Retire too early, and you risk outliving your money. Stay at the desk too long, and you might miss out on life. “Every one of us is making a decision on retirement every day, in the way we live and spend our money,” Gilbert said. “Not making a decision is still making a decision. Spend the money to buy that ‘thing,’ and you’ve made a decision to work longer.”
Think of retirement as a seesaw with four pails on one side labeled “assets” and four pails on the other marked “expenses.”
The trick is keeping them balanced.
Gilbert is a case study on how to mentally and financially ready yourself to retire. He saved like mad, maximized tax-deferred retirement accounts and created a diversified portfolio of low-cost mutual funds. He lived well but prudently.
When he started in the aluminum business at a Regardless of whether they are ready to stop working, $21,500 salary in 1985, Gilbert knew that he wanted financial independence. most Americans have not planned for retirement. Baby boomers — those born between 1946 and 1964 He and his wife banked every cent she earned as an — have a median nest egg of $164,000. (Gen Xers and administrative assistant until she became a stay-atmillennials have even less but more time to make it home mom when their daughter was born in 1994. up.) There were modest vacations. Nothing crazy. He put Many boomers are set to enter old age with whatever his paycheck on autopilot, paying into his 401(k) they have in Social Security and a few bucks. before he spent a cent. Today’s BoomeR 19
“I probably saved 20 to 25 percent of my income,” said Gilbert, who earned six figures by the time he retired. Saving early is everything — but it’s never too late to start. Atwood tells clients 55 and older who haven’t prepared for life after work to “start cutting some expenses and save like crazy.”
as a proportion of one’s portfolio, creating what Pfau calls in a research paper a “rising glide path.” “You are most exposed to market risk around the retirement date,” Pfau said. “As a risk-management technique, that’s when you want the lowest stock allocation. You can increase your stock allocation later.” That strategy has its own risks.
Do something, she says, because “dying at your desk is not a retirement plan.”
“Being conservative is as dangerous as being too aggressive,” Blanchett said.
Put those savings to work
Glory of guaranteed income
Gilbert said 33 years of packing the maximum allowed into his 401(k) have paid off. He put most of the money in the stock market and then sat back and watched it grow over decades.
One key to escaping workdom is a rare, golden asset: a pension.
“I am a 401(k) millionaire,” he said.
“The best way to hedge against the fear of outliving your savings is through some form of guaranteed income,” Blanchett said.
He keeps three years of living expenses in cash. The rest of his investments are split between 60 percent stocks and 40 percent bonds, consistent with the playbook that most financial experts recommend for someone in his 50s and 60s.
Pensions and other fixed income — Social Security, bonds, annuities — create security, but they also open up options. Recipients can become more aggressive with their investments, waiting out any downturns and putting more money into high-growth stocks.
“Somewhere between 40 percent to 60 percent equities is a great place for most folks entering retirement age,” said David Blanchett, head of retirement research at Morningstar Investment Management. But you can even get riskier. “Assuming retirement is going to last 30 years, I think 70/30 stocks to bonds could be more aggressive.”
Nancy Schlossberg, a former professor who has written extensively on retirement, said the pension she collects from 30 years of teaching at the University of Maryland cushioned the transition.
Wade Pfau, an economist with McLean Asset Management, proposes a counterpoint. Pfau said investors at or near retirement should be more conservative so they can manage a market crash or economic downturn that could obliterate their nest egg and force them to keep working.
More and more employers have transferred the burden of funding pensions — known as defined benefit plans — off their own balance sheets and onto employees through 401(k), 403(b) or other taxdeferred devices, known as defined contribution plans.
Employers prefer defined contribution plans because they are not legally bound to guarantee a pension check to retirees.
Pfau said one solution is to lower one’s stock “You don’t have people like me anymore,” allocation by purchasing annuities, which guarantee a Schlossberg said. stream of income. Those stocks should grow in value Most boomers are banking on Social Security, but not 20 Today’s BoomeR
all of them. With his trifecta of having a pension, healthy investments and a corporate board seat that pays a fee, Gilbert is in the enviable position of delaying Social Security until age 70. If he takes it at 62, his monthly Social Security check would be $2,060. By waiting until he is 70, it would grow to $3,643.
“I talk about the income withdrawal syndrome,” Schlossberg said. “There is a fear element. You can get very scared and unsettled.” Some are serial savers who can’t stand the idea of liquidating their fortune. And others are simply unsure how much money they’ll need.
“Not until clients get over $10 million in net worth do they really feel wealthy,” said Clark Kendall, a financial Many experts think that’s wise, especially if you are in adviser in Montgomery County. “Even people with $3 million wonder, ‘Is it really enough to retire?’ ” good health and stand to live into your 80s and beyond.
“People have no idea what the right number is,” Atwood said, “and the fact is, there is no right number. Every year a person puts off collecting her Social Security benefits, her monthly check could increase by It depends on whether you have a mortgage and how much you need each month.” up to 8 percent, which is an equity-like return. “People are living longer, and the benefits are guaranteed, tied to inflation, and they are taxed favorably,” Blanchett said.
And even if it is enough, there’s this: How do you draw down the money you’ve so carefully built up?
“There is a fundamental shift in your mind-set when you go into retirement,” Pfau said. “You are taking Not everyone has the luxury of waiting. distributions from your assets rather than making Take Steve Fischer, 66, a bed builder and 20-plus-year contributions. That has a psychological impact. It’s employee at Gat Creek Furniture, a factory in Berkeley completely different from what you’ve been doing Springs, W.Va. your whole life.” Fischer already collects Social Security to augment the There are loads of ways to draw down your portfolio, $30,000 a year he earns at the factory. His wife and including with annuities, bond -laddering and simply son also work at Gat Creek. selling off financial assets piecemeal. Fischer said he must work to provide for his family and Gilbert said his plan is to withdraw about 3 percent — to help support four grandchildren. He regrets that he or slightly more — from his portfolio annually. The didn’t save more for retirement. financial community has long advocated a 4 percent “I didn’t look at the future,” Fischer said. He bought a annual withdrawal rate, assuming a 25-year or longer retirement. home. “We lived from day to day.” “I don’t mind working,” he said. “Probably work another year or so. I have a lot of projects around the house.”
When to say 'enough' Big paycheck or small, many people find themselves getting the yips when it comes to pushing away from the desk.
Gilbert has reduced his living expenses: He has zero debt. He and his wife paid cash for their cars (Gilbert recently bought a Ford F250 pickup). He sold his 4,000square-foot home in Atlanta, pocketing $460,000 after fees. They paid cash for a $200,000 cabin in the Appalachians. He cut his property tax by more than half. “I call it geoarbitrage,” Gilbert said. “It’s moving to a Today’s BoomeR 21
lower cost of living for retirement to allow retirement funds to stretch further.”
The big, scary X Factor The X Factor, of course, is your health. Gilbert and his wife will buy private insurance until they are eligible for Medicare a decade from now. Gilbert has budgeted $25,000 a year with built-in increases of 5 percent annually. They are able to buy his employer’s plan for the next 18 months under the government’s COBRA law. Then, however, they will have to go into the open market and shop for insurance.
“They are going to need help,” he said. Boylan took a hit like everyone else during the Great Recession. He sold a Florida real estate investment at a six-figure loss. His investment portfolio declined 35 percent. But he stayed the course, kept his money in stocks and made it back and more in the current bull market. He sold his dental practice but plans to stay on until age 70 or beyond. He works about 65 percent of the time, but that may drop to just a couple of months a year.
“I joined a club down in Florida, so I have beer money “We just hope and pray that we can find insurance for to pay for that,” said the father of four. “Dentistry gives me some purpose. I love golf. I love tennis. But $25,000 a year,” he said. could I do that every day? No. Now I want to build that Long-term care is another X Factor. It haunts boomers nest egg back up and help the kids get going.” like John Atkocaitis, whose mother vaporized her nest Gilbert is cruising into an affordable retirement that egg. includes camping in national parks, fly-fishing, “My mom was director of nursing and had a stroke at mountain biking, kayaking and his favorite — 61. She spent many of the next 15 years in a nursing cold-water, long-distance swimming. home. It exhausted her assets,” said the 70-year-old He even checked the philanthropy box. The Gilberts publishing executive who is retiring this year. “We funded a Vanguard charitable trust in December with bought long-term care insurance probably 12 or 15 a mid-five-figure donation that gave them an years ago, and I’m glad we did.” immediate tax deduction. They can recommend grants Long-term care can be very expensive and bought to their favorite charities for the next five years. either in a lump sum or in installments, or premiums. Then there are those chained to their jobs for years to The Gilberts elected to self-insure. come. They’ll need luck. Luck that their job doesn’t go “Option B was to take the money we would have used the way of toll-takers, bookstore employees, cashiers, to buy long-term care and invest it,” Gilbert said. “We coal miners, travel agents and even print journalists. assumed we wouldn’t need long-term care until our And let’s face it. Some people just love to work. mid-80s. We may be wrong, and the risk may bite us.” “What would I do if I retired?” asked Mark Feinsot, a Money for fun — and family 72-year-old certified public accountant in Manhattan. Family is one big reason people keep working. “I can’t imagine not having a place to go to in the morning. I will be carried out feet first.” Take Tom Boylan, 67, a Washington dentist who is financially fit but wants to leave enough for his grandchildren, which number 14 to date.
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BOOMER HEALTHY EATING: From Beach Sand to Sandbakkels! While researching the subject of today’s post, a Norwegian cookie called the Sanbakkel, Monica came across the ingredient, Caster Sugar. Now, I knew what that was from many recipes over time, but it was new to M. For the record, Caster (and sometimes caster) sugar is the British term for what we call baker’s sugar on this side of the Big Pond – It’s granulated sugar that’s notably finer than table sugar. It blends, dissolves, and integrates far better than regular old sugar, and as such, bakers and chefs dig it.
Recipes and Photos from Chef Eben Atwater
www.urbanmonique.com
speaks to the shortbread-like consistency of the finished product – Sand tarts, if you will. They’re a simple sugar cookie that yields best results when the ingredients are as fresh as you can get.
Sandbakkels are traditionally a Christmas season treat, but for my mind, they’re good, if not better, in the spring and summer time – More on that thought in a bit. In their purest form, Sandbakkel contain flour, butter, eggs, and sugar. Common additions include almonds or almond extract, vanilla bean or What I didn’t know is why it’s called caster sugar – A extract, and cardamom. For the latter while virtually bit of research really didn’t give a lot of info, albeit it no recipes I found specified what variant of did reveal that the stuff used to be held in a sugar cardamom gets used, I’d bet on it being green, freshly caster, (basically, a fancy shaker placed at table in the ground, as it’s the sweetest version, (versus black or old days, where folks could cast it onto whatever the Madagascar). liked). The caster versus castor variant also piqued The coolest aspect of Sandbakkels, for my mind, is the my interest, and there was virtually nothing I could use of small fluted or patterned molds used to bake find to explain that, so naturally, I called A Way With the cookies – This leaves you with a wafer thin, Words, and as fate would have it, I ended up on the delicate little treat that is wonderful all by its lonely, show that was broadcast today. Rather than go too far and for my mind, spectacular with fresh fruit, nuts, into that rabbit hole, I’ll simply say, listen to the episode, and you’ll not only get a great fleshing out of the term caster, but you’ll hear yours truly as well – A win-win if ever there was one. So I ended up on the show, and had an absolute gas. For the record, while I noted that we live on Lummi Bay, in the northwest corner of Washington State, I recorded my part on a bus headed from downtown New Orleans to the airport. Along the way, Martha and Grant were kind enough to ask the name of the blog, and, well – Here we are! Now, as I write, a batch of fresh sandbakkel are wending their way southward to the gang at A Way With Words with our fondest thanks – Therefore, on to those cookies, yeah? Monica has a healthy dose of Norwegian heritage from her maternal side, so a cookie that reflected that is what we were looking for when we landed on Sandbakkels. These lovely, light little sugar cookies are also sometimes called sandbakelse, or sandkaker – The sand theme running though this Today’s BoomeR 23
etc, (even if some Norwegians consider such additions blasphemous). The first published recipes for Sandbakkel show up in mid 19th century Norwegian cookbooks, which indicates pretty strongly that they’d been around for a while prior – A point that A Way With Words often makes about stuff showing up in print. When Norwegians packed up to emigrate, they brought their Sandbakkel molds with them, and a delicious old country traditional was maintained. Such was the case for Monica’s Gramma, Palma Hoover (nee Solvang), who came to the western side of Washington State and homesteaded in the Carnation Valley, back in 1907 – Palma was just six month old at the time, one of eleven siblings. There is some discussion about where and how Sandbakkels took hold back in Norway, but nothing definitive – They are, in all likelihood, a simple treat that spread because they’re pretty, fun to make, and delicious – All the reason any of us need to dig in, right? Sandbakkels are quite simple, and as such, quality and freshness of ingredients is paramount. What I’m getting at is this – If I’m doing these for an event, then I’ll likely make butter from very fresh, local cream, and grind flour from fresh wheat – Now, you might call that extreme, and it may indeed be somewhat, but if you’re looking to produce your best, that’s kinda the level we go to. That said, making sure that the flour and butter you use is as fresh and good quality as you can get your paws on will do the trick.
you’ve got – After all, we’re here to have fun and chow down, si? NOTE: check out our Flour Power post for more than you probably want to know about such stuff. Now for the catch – Yeah, it’s those little Sandbakkel molds. If you’re doing these right, you need them. Fortunately, they’re cheap and widely available online, so grab a set – They pay back the minimal expense with lovely finished product, so it’s a worthwhile thing. When you get your molds, they’ll need to be seasoned once prior to use. Seasoning Sandbakkel Molds Wash your molds with soap and water, rinse thoroughly and allow to dry. Preheat your oven to 350° F. Lightly grease your molds with leaf lard, then arrange in a baking sheet. Bake at 350°F for 30 minutes, then remove and allow to cool to room temperature. Wipe excess lard off the molds, and you’re good to go – The molds will provide a long life of easy releases thereafter. So, on to the goods. This recipe will make about 4 dozen cookies. You can, if any survive, freeze them if you wish. Although they won’t be quite as yummy, of course.
Sandbakkels 4 Cups Pastry Flour (AP is just fine too) 1 1/2 Cups Unsalted Butter (If you use salted butter, So, find the freshest butter you can for starters. Then just omit the additional salt listed below) there’s the flour question. Most stores these days will 1 Cup Bakers Sugar offer bread and all purpose flours, and many will also 1 large Egg have cake or pastry flours hiding somewhere. Keep 1/4 teaspoon Sea Salt in mind that as you descend through that list, what changes is the protein level they contain – Bread Allow all ingredients to come to room temperature relies on good gluten development to be successful, before proceeding. and so the protein level in that flour is relatively high, as much as 14%. Down at the other end of the In a non-reactive mixing bowl, add the butter and spectrum, pastry flour will have protein levels as low hand whisk for 2 minutes – You’re preparing the as 8% – What that means to us from a practical butter to accept sugar and go through the creaming standpoint is this – If you want gluten development process, so take the full time allotted, (And you and chewy stuff like bread, you use bread flour, and certainly can use a hand mixer to do this work if you if you want something delicate and flaky like a wish.) Sandbakkel, you’ll use pastry flour. Now, that said, if what you’ve got in your pantry is All Purpose Flour, Add sugar and salt to the butter and whisk to don’t fret- AP usually weighs in around 9% to 11% combine thoroughly, about 2 minutes. This is protein, which means it’ll do just fine, if that’s what ‘creaming,’ wherein you’re introducing a bit of air to 24 Today’s BoomeR
the dough, and helping the sugar to disperse thoroughly and evenly. Add the egg and whisk to incorporate thoroughly – About 1 minute. Add flour a cup at a time, whisking as long as you can, then switching to a kitchen spoon to finish the job. The dough should not stick to the bowl or your fingers when you’re done mixing, so adjust flour a pinch or two at a time, if needed. Cover the bowl and refrigerate the dough or 1 hour. Preheat oven to 340° F, and set a rack in the middle position. Even though your molds have been seasoned, it’s never a bad idea to grease them a bit more. Let a very little bit of butter melt onto your fingers, and wipe a light layer around each mold.
Bake cookies at 340° F for about 10 minutes, then have a quick look – The upper edges of the cookies should be firm and light golden brown.
Remove sheets from oven and, using a hot glove or mitt, gently turn each mold upside down and place Pull off about 2 teaspoons of dough, (and if you have it on a cooling rack. issues with portioning, feel free to roll out little 2 teaspoon balls before filling the molds), and press Allow cookies to cool for 5 minutes, then carefully the dough evenly into the molds – Watch your pick up a mold, still upside down, and place it just thickness, as you want things nice and even – Avoid barely above the cooling rack – tap lightly on the thick bottoms and thin sides, and don’t let any bottom of the mold and the cookie will drop onto dough extend beyond the rim of the mold. And by the rack. the way, this is a gas for kids – Our Granddaughters dig it big time, and I’ll bet you’re will too. Allow unmolded cookies to cool to room temperature. And yes, at this very point, the cookies Place molds evenly spaced on a baking sheet – will be warm and vulnerable – It’s entirely likely Ideally, you want an inch or so of free space around that several will lose their fragile lives right there each mold, so you will likely need to do multiple and then – So be it… sheets or batches, (unless of course you’ve got a way sexier oven set up than I do, and if so, I salute you!) Now, for a last bit of pure joy, consider this – As mentioned, I have Norwegian friends who absolutely consider anything, (and I mean anything), added to a fresh Sandbakkel as an act of sheer blasphemy. For the record, I am not Norwegian, (Scots, Welsh, and Dutch), and Monica has German and Cherokee blood as well – So, yes Virginia, we add stuff to ours, and we think you should too. This is why, point of fact, I think that these little gems were meant to be enjoyed when fresh, local fruit is abundant – A Sandbakkel filled with such stuff is an unbelievably delicious treat.
This also means that you might want to whip up a bit of creme fraiche, or perhaps whipped or pastry Today’s BoomeR 25
cream, as a bed for that lovely fruit to sit on. If the cream seems a bit heavy to you, then a lovely, light fruit glaze might be a nice option.
Fresh Fruit Glaze 3/4 Cup fresh Fruit Juice, (literally, whatever you like – Orange, grapefruit, apple, grape, etc) 2 Tablespoons Agave Nectar, (honey is fine too, or bakers sugar, for that matter) 2 Tablespoons crushed Fruit, (whatever you’re filling the Sandbakkels with) 1 Tablespoon Arrowroot, (Cornstarch will do just fine, too) 2 teaspoons Citrus Rind, (lemon, lime, orange, as you see fit) In a small, unheated sauce pan, combine fruit juice and arrowroot until thoroughly mixed. Put the pan on the stove over medium heat, and add the agave and crushed fruit, whisk to in corporate. Heat through, stirring steadily. Reduce heat to low and continue whisking until the sauce thickens notably, (it should evenly coat a spoon when quickly dipped in the glaze.) Allow the glaze to cool to room temp, then drizzle or brush onto the fruit after arranged. Chow down with relative abandon.
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