10 minute read
Grieving without the comfort of others
By Tonilyn Hornung
“T o everything (turn, turn, turn), There is a season (turn, turn, turn), And a time to every purpose, under heaven.” The folk-rock group The Byrds took this 2,000-year-old text from the Book of Ecclesiastes and turned it into a number one hit. The poetic lyrics illustrate that there is a time and purpose for every predictable life experience. However, for the people dealing with the loss of a loved one during this time of COVID-19, grieving from a distance was not a life experience anyone could have predicted.
“Usually, when someone passes there are hugs and crying on people’s shoulders. There’s the family grieving together. We’ve had none of that,” says Jeffersonville, Indiana, resident Ronald Allman of his mother Anne Marie Allman’s passing. These days the traditional steps taken to mourn a loved one have been altered. Due to social distancing and protective health measures being taken, relatives no longer show up at a doorstep laden with comforting casseroles or stacks of pies — or the consoling hugs that go along with them. “Up until this month, if someone died you were able to grieve in a predictable way,” Ron says. That has made this situation impossible with Ron’s parents and siblings spread across the country.
Finding ways to maintain some level of traditional connection with his family, Ron, his three siblings, and his father have been using the technologies available to them to stay in touch. It does help, but Ron says, “It’s still not the same thing as looking into the person’s eyes.” That element of togetherness is missing as soon as the phone is turned off. Looking to the future, the family continues to discuss funeral and burial plans, but even those remain uncertain until air travel is a safe option and hotels reopen.
Louisvillian Taylor Buckner says when it came to her grandmother Edith Johnson’s local funeral, finding that sense of closure was slightly easier. She and her immediate family were allowed to have a more traditional, although smaller, farewell service. Funeral homes have had to place restrictions on how many family members are allowed to attend services, and she was one of 10 family members in attendance at the visitation. “I feel a sense of closure because I was able to be at the funeral home, but it was hard not having as many people as we wanted to be there,” Taylor says.
Similar to Ron and his family, Taylor and her immediate family have also talked about celebrating their loved one’s life in a way that brings the larger family unit together once it’s deemed safe to do so. “We’ve talked about having a remembrance dinner for people to come and go as they want,” Taylor says.
Saying our final goodbyes to those we love is never easy. Leaning on the shoulders of family, friends, and casserole makers has offered support during every season until this deeply life-altering one. Let’s hope that the turning of the next season brings families back together to a place of support and comfort. “USUALLY, WHEN SOMEONE PASSES THERE ARE HUGS AND CRYING ON PEOPLE’S SHOULDERS.”
Happenings, news, and tidbits that caught Today’s Woman’s eye this month 28 THINGS (Why 28? Because we are 28 years old!)
By Anita Oldham
Linda’s Refuge
Photo by Melissa Donald
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2-3. Linda Jackson is owner of Ballroom East Dance Studio (currently shut down) and co-owner with her husband of Aesthetics in Jewelry (curbside only). Her garden was scheduled to be on Crescent Hill Garden Tour, which was canceled this year but celebrating its 25th anniversary next year on June 5, 2021. WHEN YOU AREN’T SAFE AT HOME
We’ve heard a lot about how staying home is the safest place we can be during the COVID-19 pandemic. Yet, isolation can be dangerous for some. According to Angela Yannelli, CEO for the Kentucky Coalition Against Domestic Violence (KCADV), the risk factors for abusers to perpetrate domestic violence increases during a pandemic because it can be stressful on everyone, especially those facing unemployment, economic stress, social isolation, and depression.
If you need help, contact The Center for Women and Families at 1-844-237-2331 or the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE.
Photo by Melissa Donald
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“From 1983 to last year, I’ve been designing the garden to make it like separate rooms where you can sit or investigate different areas,” Linda Jackson says. There’s a topiary garden and a brick patio area. To Linda it’s important because of her heritage, being born in Scotland and raised in England. “My family always decorated their yard — using every inch instead of just looking out and seeing grass. It’s creating a place that’s beautiful to them.”
Melissa McCarty says she favors neutrals and dark tones but pairs them with brighter colors. She is a big fan of colorful accessories but uses them judiciously. “My rule is that I don’t wear bold earrings with a bold necklace.”
l Melissa, who works as a senior advertising specialist at GE Appliances, is responsible for the company’s national advertising campaigns including television ads.
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“It’s very therapeutic to be in the garden,” says Noel Ruff. “We garden year-round, unless it’s really awful weather. We have a rain garden, vegetable garden, flower garden, and patio garden, where I grow all my herbs and vegetables that I can go right outside and pick when I’m cooking dinner.
Any time you’re dealing with any kind of a challenge, and obviously these are challenging times, I think it can be very good for the heart and the soul to get your mind off your anxieties and troubles, and there’s nothing better than digging up weeds and planting things.”
l 8-9. “When I retired (from her full-time job) I became a master gardener. We live in Crescent Hill on a one-acre lot — unusual for being in the city — so we could have a big yard with gardens.” Noel Ruff, who retired from local government, works part-time at Just Creations store (currently shut down). She is at home with husband Art Williams, Scout, the neurotic old hound dog, and Tuna the cat. Her garden was to be on the Crescent Hill Garden Tour, though canceled this year, is planned for June 5, 2021.
30 May 2020 / TodaysWomanNow.com How easy to put out a beautiful, bountiful, room temperature spread of pretty much anything you might want to eat and simply let your family members graze. For balance, remember that the best meals have components that are sweet, sour, bitter, salty, and crunchy. Umami, a further category of taste, is also something to consider — it occurs naturally in foods like soy sauce, balsamic vinegar, red wine, tomatoes, black olives, and aged cheeses. Find the step-by-step at TodaysWomanNow.com. (Created by Madeleine Dee, TheSeasonedCynic.com) — TEN —
WHEN COOKING BRINGS THE FIRE DEPT.
Contributing editor Lucy Pritchett is not known for her cooking skills. This was evidenced on Easter when she decided to treat herself to a bit of steak. When she plopped the meat into her cast iron skillet it immediately started smoking and set off the smoke alarm which is connected to her security system. The system dispatcher attempted to call, but Lucy couldn’t hear her phone as she was trying to open windows and get the smoke alarm turned off. That’s when the fire truck showed up. Fortunately, there was no flame, just smoke which was cleared with the help of the fire department’s powerful fan. At least her chocolate Easter eggs didn’t melt.
EATING, BUT NOT COOKING PICK UP FRESH FOODS
Farmers markets are open this month: 12. Douglass Loop Farmers Market
On Saturdays: Clients must pre-order their food and pick it up from 10am until 1pm. @DouglassLoopFarmersMarket 13. New Albany Farmers Market
Until they open find vendors from The New Albany Farmers Market at Facebook.com/
Open Tuesdays starting May 19 from 3-6pm. Vendors adhere to the social distancing guidelines. @PhoenixHillNuLuFarmersMarket 15. Westport Road Baptist Farmers Market
Saturdays from 9am-1pm. Vendors adhere to the social distancing guidelines. @WestportBaptistFarmersMarket 16. Or order straight from a farm: barrfarmsky.com offers an online store or a weekly CSA pickup. 11
17-19 GET YOUR ART FIX
RECREATING FAMOUS ARTWORK If you aren’t following the #MetTwinning action of setting up a scene to mimic famous artwork, then you are missing out. If you try one yourself make sure you share with us @TodaysWomanNow.
@orishich
20. Creative Teachers
Teachers are bringing their top game and trying all kinds of methods of engaging their students for this last month of online instruction. One theater teacher appears in costume for her daily classes. Share some of your teacher wins with us on Facebook or Instagram @TodaysWomanNow.
21. “Currently we are doing Shakespeare so they have to film a Shakespeare monologue. I told them they could do it like a TikToc if they want to. Dramatic Criticism is working on a parody of Alice in Wonderland called Alice in Quarantine for an online Theatre festival.” says Carrie Bellew.
Are the flowers planted at Churchill Downs? Today’s Woman stopped by the greenhouse in late April to find that the horticulture team is growing some beautiful plants and the greenhouse is busting at the seams. According to Matt Bizzell, director of horticulture at Churchill Down, the planting started a little later because it was possible this year since the delay of Derby and Spring Meet. Never fear the plants will be beautifying the Churchill Downs property, waiting for us, the track lovers to return. 25
Photo by Melissa Donald
CATCH THEIR SONGS AND STORIES One of our favorite local women, Carrie Cooke Ketterman, along with her husband Jeff are creating stories on video directly from their local home. The two have multiple businesses and multiple talents: they are the actors and singers in the videos as well as doing the vocal recording, costuming, filming, and editing. “We’ve been doing music videos featuring songs we sing in our 1950s band “Rosie & the Rockabillies” and our 1920s band “Tin Pan Alley Cats”. We’ve also been using our costumes to do singalongs and story times like we would normally do at The Old Capitol Tea Room.” Find them at ourtechnicolorlife.com. Carrie has also been drawing tutorials for kids in coordination with Arts Alliance of Southern Indiana (sointoart.org ). 22-24
+ OTHER KID STUFF 26. Schedule a virtual Art and Storytime Playdate for your child and up to 10 friends with a Carnegie Center educator! Best for ages 4-6. carnegiecenter.org/events/virtual-art-playdates 27. Or go and follow a tutorial at Speed Art Museum’s
Art Sparks. speedmuseum.org/speed-online/
28. FOLLOW LIFT UP LOU ON FACEBOOK:
If you do nothing else, listen to the Lift Up Louisville song, a collaborative effort with many local notable musicians. The site was created to provide the community with activities and resources to boost spirits. Original content related to mindfulness, health and fitness, education and the arts provided daily at 9am, 11am, 3pm, 7pm.
