Grieving Without the Comfort of Others By Tonilyn Hornung
“T
o everything (turn, turn, turn), There is a season of togetherness is missing as soon as the phone is turned off. (turn, turn, turn), And a time to every purpose, under Looking to the future, the family continues to discuss funeral heaven.” The folk-rock group The Byrds took this and burial plans, but even those remain uncertain until air 2,000-year-old text from the Book of Ecclesiastes and turned travel is a safe option and hotels reopen. it into a number one hit. The poetic lyrics illustrate that there Louisvillian Taylor Buckner says when it came to her is a time and purpose for every predictable life experience. grandmother Edith Johnson’s local funeral, finding that sense However, for the people dealing with the loss of a loved one of closure was slightly easier. She and her immediate family during this time of COVID-19, grieving from a distance was not were allowed to have a more traditional, although smaller, a life experience anyone could have predicted. farewell service. Funeral homes have had to place restrictions “Usually, when someone passes there are on how many family members are allowed to hugs and crying on people’s shoulders. There’s “USUALLY, WHEN attend services, and she was one of 10 family the family grieving together. We’ve had none members in attendance at the visitation. “I feel SOMEONE of that,” says Jeffersonville, Indiana, resident a sense of closure because I was able to be at PASSES THERE Ronald Allman of his mother Anne Marie the funeral home, but it was hard not having as Allman’s passing. These days the traditional many people as we wanted to be there,” Taylor ARE HUGS steps taken to mourn a loved one have been says. AND CRYING altered. Due to social distancing and protective Similar to Ron and his family, Taylor and ON PEOPLE’S health measures being taken, relatives no her immediate family have also talked about longer show up at a doorstep laden with celebrating their loved one’s life in a way that SHOULDERS.” comforting casseroles or stacks of pies — or brings the larger family unit together once the consoling hugs that go along with them. it’s deemed safe to do so. “We’ve talked about “Up until this month, if someone died you were able to grieve having a remembrance dinner for people to come and go as in a predictable way,” Ron says. That has made this situation they want,” Taylor says. impossible with Ron’s parents and siblings spread across the Saying our final goodbyes to those we love is never easy. country. Leaning on the shoulders of family, friends, and casserole Finding ways to maintain some level of traditional makers has offered support during every season until this connection with his family, Ron, his three siblings, and his deeply life-altering one. Let’s hope that the turning of the father have been using the technologies available to them next season brings families back together to a place of support to stay in touch. It does help, but Ron says, “It’s still not the and comfort. same thing as looking into the person’s eyes.” That element
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May 2020 / TodaysWomanNow.com
