How To Create Harmony In The Home by Melissa Groom

Contents 04

Biographies

Simplify Your Life by Melissa Groom

Guilt free TLC for You by Kirsty Oâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;Callagahan

How We Can Develop Greater Harmony at Home by Lay-Ean Eng

Organize Your Life by Claire McFee

Managing the children! by Davina Sharry

Happiness within Yourself

5 Hot Tips to make another 90 minutes in your day by Sam Beau Patrick

Health Check Your Wealth by Donna Emerson

Communication and Quality Time by Alli Price

How to create Harmony in the Home

by Michelle Wright

Introduction This book was written by the panel of Toddlers To Teens Parent TV Show to provide you with some tools, strategies and steps that can you help transform your home life from chaos to harmony. It is not easy being a parent and we do not wish for any parent reading this to feel like they are not good enough or that they are a failure. There is no such thing as ‘perfect’ and every family, for their own reasons, has a different set of challenges. Harmony is the flow in life. It is associated with peace or calm. It is structure. If we send out negative vibes, we draw people, situations, and events into our lives that act as mirrors,reflecting this negativity back to us. Envision your ideal self; joyous, carefree, always smiling and happy. Envision your highest self, full of love, always spreading joy and love to everyone around you. Listen and lead with your heart. This is where your wisdom resides. In each moment, be a shining example of peace, love and compassion. Commit yourself to personal growth. Children are like sponges and they absorb everything around them. The energy that you have in your home, whether it is negative or positive has a big impact on everyone. Children notice when you are stressed and they are affected by this. It’s difficult to eliminate stress completely from your life, but stress is actually how you deal with situations. It’s how you choose to react. Children look up to their parents and learn from them, so it’s important that you do your best to try to create a happy, harmonious life for everyone. This task is something that all of the family need to be a part of. All members of the Toddlers To Teens Parent TV Show panel have their own family and in this book they have shared strategies gleaned from their own experiences, to help you create harmony in your home. We hope by reading this book you will come away feeling reassured, more confident, supported and most of all knowing that you are a good parent and doing the best job you can. We can all use a little help from time to time, I’m still waiting for the manual! Thank you to Alli Price, Claire McFee, Donna Emerson, Davina Sharry, Kirsty O’Callaghan, Lay-Ean Eng, Michelle Wright, and Sam Beau Patrick for your contribution to this book and also to Toddlers To Teens Parent TV Show. “It takes a village to raise a child. And we are your village.” Take care of yourself and have a grateful day. Melissa Groom

Biographies

Melissa Groom - TV Host, Producer and Author Melissa is the Host and Producer of Toddlers To Teens Parent TV Show. A free resource for parents to help them with their parenting so they can enjoy parenting and have more fun in life. The show is made up of short videos, articles and audios by the Panel Experts for you to watch in your own time and learn at your own pace. The show was created in the hope that no parent will ever feel alone or isolated. I am a very fortunate mother of three beautiful children all with special needs and partner of Glen Spargo. My eldest son Nicholas, who is 12, has a lifelong kidney condition and on the 6th September 2010, he underwent a successful kidney transplant . Grace, 11, is Anaphylactic and Matthew, 10, has Aspergers. We have had many challenges throughout their young lives on how to best manage their conditions. They say “What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger”. I get so much unconditional love from my children and they give me endless amounts of energy. They are what gets me out of bed every day. They are what makes me strive to better myself every day. I am very grateful and fortunate to have the life I have. Although my life has had many challenges they have shaped me and made me a strong, loving, human being. 4

As you can tell, my passion is my children and providing them with a loving, safe environment to learn and grow into confident, kind adults. I am committed to helping them and shaping them into being the best people they can be. I am dedicating my life to helping others through the trials they come across in being parents. I was adopted at 17 months of age into a large family of five children, which later became nine. In my family I have experienced divorce, remarriages, step families and re-uniting with my natural siblings and birth-mother after nearly 40 years of separation through the Television program “Find My Family” (I am Still searching for my birth father). I have had many life experiences and have learnt coping strategies that I know can help others. I will share these with you in this book and in my videos.

How to create Harmony in the Home

I am a Certified Children’s Etiquette & Manners Consultant and previously ran a program “Mind Your Manners”, which is a fun and interactive program for children to learn how to “Be the best they can be.”

I am a valued member of my community and I volunteer with community projects such as fundraising for the Sydney Children’s Hospital, Whole Woman’s Festival, Speed on Tweed, Brunswick Bikes & Kites Festival, School & Playgroup Associations, Connecting Mumpreneurs, and a Girl Guide Leader (in Training).

You can visit Melissa’s website for more information. http://www.toddlerstoteens.tv

My family comes first. I want to be there for my children in the morning to have breakfast with them, to make their lunches, give them a kiss and wave goodbye as they go off to school. Just as importantly, I want to be there for them when they get home from school, and to share their experiences at school or after school. I feel this gives them security and stability to grow into a well-adjusted adults.

“ My passion is my children and

providing them with a loving, safe, environment to learn and grow into confident, kind adults. I am committed to helping them and shaping them into being the best people they can be. I am dedicating my life to help others through the trials they come across with being a parent.

”

Biographies

Alli Price - Director of Motivating Mum Alli Price runs Motivating Mum, a website and events service offering support and advice to mums in business, or those wanting to be. The business was born of necessity – having just given birth and launching a home business at the same time in the UK, Alli found the situation both isolating and lonely. The Businessmums’ Networking Lunch was born of the belief that there must have been more mums out there like her – there were, 45 or so. The business evolved for four years in the UK, to the model that it is today, and grew to include five franchisees running Motivating Mum events in their local areas. Just as Alli started seeing some return on her investment she upped sticks and left with her family for her home-town of Melbourne (including new baby).

Alli is now the happiest she’s ever been – achieving her aims of helping mums in any way she can, however, now it’s achieved while her daughters play in the sunshine and her friends are around the corner.

You can visit Alli’s website for more information. http://www.motivatingmum.com.au

Alli is now in start-up mode again, this time in her beloved Oz, although things are going a lot quicker…the first time round she hadn’t even known what SEO, blogging and social media were! The business remains the same – networking and brainstorming events for mums, phone mentoring with mums established in business, articles and features, an online forum and more. She also currently has four associates around the country running events for mums in their areas (and is looking for more). 6

How to create Harmony in the Home

Michelle Wright - Director of Mishfit I am most passionate about two things in my life; 1. educating women about how to exercise safely while pregnant, especially post-natally, 2. balancing my family life with my work.

When my youngest was one, I tried to go back to teaching part time, but found the demands of balancing my family, work and “me” time too great. In the mornings I would race around to crèche, spend a whole day doing something I wasn’t enjoying and then pick up my cranky and tired kids before trying to cook something nutritious for us all. It just didn’t work, and I was unable to exercise. The sedentary job didn’t do anything for my mental health either, so I decided on a change of career.

In my life before children I was a teacher and have always loved education and learning. I used my Bachelor of Education and Diploma of Teaching to teach primary school in New Zealand, English in Japan and as a language consultant in London.

The focus of mishfit mothers™ is on education and exercising safely with pelvic floor awareness. We also welcome all babies and children (one of the biggest barriers for women to exercise!).

I moved to Melbourne in 2002 with my husband and young daughter; however, within the year found myself a single mother with a newborn baby. It was a difficult time and I coped with the situation by getting fit. I have never been a naturally sporty person but found exercising the best way of dealing with postnatal depression. It was difficult to find ways of exercising with the children and as I didn’t have any family here in Australia, the gym crèche gave me much needed respite from the overwhelming demands of motherhood.

It is my goal to see mishfit replicated all over Australia providing not only safe exercise care but creating opportunities for other women to have their own successful businesses where they can balance meaningful work and family. You can visit Michelle’s website for more information. http://www.mishfit.com.au

“ It is my goal to see mishfit replicated all over Australia providing

not only safe exercise care but creating opportunities for other women to have their own successful businesses where they can balance meaningful work and family.

”

Biographies

Sam Beau Patrick

- Author, Natropath, Director of Health Queen

She draws on orthodox and natural medical options to educate and empower people to take control of their own health and happiness.

Sam Beau Patrick is Australia’s Health Queen. She is the head practitioner in the Health Queen clinics and is a tertiary trained naturopath and nurse. Sam has an extensive clinical back ground in health; including nursing for 24 years in critical care areas (Emergency Department, Intensive Care and Coronary Care) and 8 years running her own busy naturopathic clinic. Sam is so revered and respected by her colleagues that at least 40% of Sam’s clients are referred to her by doctors and other health professionals. She fills a niche area in the Health & Wealth Motivation Speaking circuit, with her honest, informative and witty presentations. She draws on orthodox and natural medical options to educate and empower people to take control of their own health and happiness. She has amazing results in her clinic and in audiences, transforming and inspiring people to desire HEALTH AND HAPPINESS and raise their own bench marks in all aspects of life. Her current direction is leading her to television where she will be able to inspire and invigorate the desire for wellbeing information and options. Sam’s website is www.healthqueen.com.au

How to create Harmony in the Home

Donna Emerson

- Founder of Responsible Finance Solutions

Donna has an extensive banking and finance career extending over 30 years. She gained 22 years banking experience with the CBA before moving to a position as Finance & Administration Manager with the Department of Education at a local High School. Gaining another 10 years experience in this position, she finally decided to follow her dream and start her own business where she could take her vision for providing exceptional and personalised finance service to another level. Combining her extensive finance experience and passion for helping people take control of their finances she commenced her own business in 2007. While offering a full range of financial services her focus is on helping people to understand and take control of their money through education. “People really need knowledge and direction to achieve their goals and enable them to live the lifestyle they desire”.

While offering a full range of financial services her focus is on helping people to understand and take control of their money through education. “People really need knowledge and direction to achieve their goals and enable them to live the lifestyle they desire proud of their achievements, both personal and professional”, with Ryan working for Virgin Blue and Corrin working in the Childcare Industry. Donna’s website is www.responsiblefinancialsolutions.com.au

The special areas of interest in the finance world that Donna is passionate about are women and improving the financial literacy of our children. As the mother of 2 children, Ryan 25 and Corrin 20, Donna has successfully combined her career with raising her children and they are now both living their own lives and following their chosen career pathways. “I am very

Biographies

Davina Sharry - Director of Powerful Parenting Davina Sharry is a full time, experienced Early Childhood Specialist and Teacher employed by the Queensland Government’s Education Department. With over 16 years experience she has been classified as a ‘Senior Teacher’ and awarded the top teaching ‘Suitability Rating of 1’.

Davina has utilised her training

With a comprehensive background in a variety of Early Childhood settings, Davina has had years of experience teaching a diverse range of children from differing social and cultural backgrounds with various physical and behavioural needs - both in Australia and in the U.K

groups.

An integral part of Davina’s teaching life has been the programming and curriculum decision-making for children with learning difficulties and remedial needs. She has taught in a variety of challenging environments and has worked with a number of ‘at-risk’ children. Additional training through Education Queensland saw her gain expertise as an Early Intervention Specialist and Program Coordinator. Working in conjunction with a number of experienced early childhood specialists and support personnel, Davina has utilised her training and experience to form the backbone of a range of early childhood intervention and support programs for both individual children and small groups.

and experience to form the backbone of a range of early childhood intervention and support programs for both individual children and small

During her career, Davina has planned and presented whole school development and training workshops to share pedagogy and preventative behaviour management strategies with colleagues. She has assumed a range of leadership roles within the school community, liaised with key personnel and government agencies to establish ‘Productive Partnerships’ and has been committed to best practice, teaching excellence and senior leadership throughout her career. Davina has a Bachelor Degree in teaching with a major in Early Childhood Education and a further Post Graduate Degree in Early Childhood Education. Davina’s website is www.powerfulparenting.com.au

How to create Harmony in the Home

Kirsty O’Callaghan

- Director of Qld Unity, Author, Coach & Parenting Expert

Kirsty O’Callaghan is regarded as a National Parenting Expert and is motivating and inspiring thousands of Australian’s to shape their future through positive and present parenting tactics. She has authored and contributed to the first in a series of 5 e-books on parenting, various articles and her own monthly newsletter (including topics on business building, self-esteem and confidence building). Kirsty has spoken in various locations in Australia, with most of her work coming from networking, referrals and her website. Her career includes over 10 years as a Public and Keynote Speaker, Life and Business Coach, Trainer, Business Owner, Group Facilitator and 10 years in the Banking industry. Kirsty has also given her time to the Army Reserve, Rural Fire Brigade and Life Line Counselling service. The foundation for all her inspiration is Kirsty’s family, especially her 3 beautiful Children and the most amazing husband one could hope for. Her eldest son, now 15, has been Kirsty’s most influential

teacher as he took her on a journey of discovery through the land of sensitivities, physical and emotional reactions and food and chemical intolerances. Her beautiful 13 year old daughter struggled with self-esteem issues many years ago after Kirsty’s difficult first marriage and long awaited divorce. Both older children, with chosen helping professionals and Kirsty’s guidance, overcame many side effects of the emotional rollercoaster that was a result of the difficult marriage ending and their biological father walking out of their lives. Last (10 years later) and certainly not least, the successful 1st time IVF baby brother, who WOWs everyone he meets. Kirsty O’Callaghan’s brand of TLC is something quite different. T – Teaching and Training L – Learning and Literature C – Coaching and Consulting The suite of TLC services is personalised to your work, business, industry and life requirements. Kirsty’s website is www.unity-qld.com.au

My passion lies in helping parents be present in their lives from “home to workplace to their favourite pampering place; being all they can be, fulfilling their needs and inspiring and leading their children to do the same. I once heard someone say that they loved their mother not for what she did for him, but rather how she loved life. This is the principal I use with all the parents I advocate for..

”

Biographies

Lay-Ean Eng

- Founder of GoKids

Hi, my name is Lay-Ean Eng, founder and Managing Director of GoKids. I am fortunate to have a very supportive husband, Patrick and two beautiful children - my son Jonathan, 18 and daughter Eileen, 16.

“ My absolute passion

is helping parents enjoy parenthood and assisting them in bringing up respectful and successful children.

”

children in modern society. I am absolutely passionate about providing support to families in need by providing parenting and personal development skills for children and teenagers. It is great to think that my experiences, my work with experts in the field and the communication I have had with parents and carers can make a difference in bothparent’s and children’s lives. Visit Lay-Ean’s web-site www.gokids.com.au www.goparents.com.au

I am very passionate about helping children. Ten years ago, I started GoKids.com.au, a kid-friendly website. GoKids is not only educational, it is also full of fun activities for children of all ages. Late last year, I ventured into GoKids seminars and workshops, where the focus is on delivering programs that advance the development of students’ Emotional Competencies to make a real difference in their lives. The GoKids philosophy is to empower children to find PURPOSE in their lives and to find FOCUS and MOTIVATION in what they do, helping them live more fulfilling lives. My absolute passion is helping parents enjoy parenthood and assisting them in bringing up respectful and successful children. We are seeing a lot of frustration and stress in parents, as well as a lot of stressed and “lost” 12

How to create Harmony in the Home

Claire McFee

- Author and Founder of Organize Your Life

Claire McFee is Mother to two little Munchkins – Emma, 11 and Matthew, 8 and is married to hunky builder Neil. They have just built their dream home With their own two hands and lived to Tell the tale!

Claire knows what it’s like to be

She is a Writer, Author, Documentary Maker and Creator of the Organize Your Life e-Organizers. Claire holds a Bachelor of Education Majoring in Psychology and loves being able to inspire people into action to achieve a more balanced life.

steps to gain control of your life.

Organize Your Life was founded in 1999 offering the first Household Organizer of its kind with a comprehensive selection of readymade To-Do Lists, Records & Journals covering every area of your life. All you have to do is fill in the blanks of the readymade lists. Storing information this way enables us to reclaim lost energy by de-cluttering our houses and heads. Claire has been featured on TV several times and has been fortunate to have helped thousands of people worldwide from Ireland to Alabama, Long Island to Far North Queensland. She was honoured to be nominated for the 2010 Telstra Business Women’s Awards, as well as being highly commended in other notable awards over the years.

completely overwhelmed and not know where to start ....and how much better it is on the other side once you start taking

Claire knows what it’s like to be completely overwhelmed and not know where to start ....and how much better it is on the other side once you start taking steps to gain control of your life. She is a passionate advocate for natural health solutions and all of the little-known strategies which helped her overcome depression. In fact she is currently writing a book on the topic to help all those overwhelmed, frazzled mothers out there enjoy parenthood and not run themselves ragged. Claire McFee provides hundreds of Free organizing tips in her Organizer,on her website, Claire’s organizeyourlife.com.au blog and in the Organize Your Life Newsletter. Come visit and join in the discussions. There are often great books to win and Prize Giveaways too. Visit Claire’s web-sites http://www.organizeyourlife.com.au

Biographies

Xxxxx xxxxxxx xx xxx xx Keeping it Simple xxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxx by Melissa Groom by Xxxxxxxxx

I want to start off by clarifying that my home life is sometimes far from harmonious. In fact I’d often call it organized chaos. And even then, sometimes it’s not all that organized! With three children who all have special needs (two of which are life threatening and have resulted in many frantic trips to the hospital), I would more likely refer to my home life as a roller coaster ride. Or should I say a theme park? One with some really scary rides, but mostly happy, fun times. I’m about to enter into my second marriage so my children have experienced separation, moving homes, schools and cities, adjusting to a new environment, and a new step-father. In many ways you could say that my home has been far from harmonious, but regardless of this I do my best each day. The following 10 tips help me keep life, with all its ups and downs, in perspective. 1.Don’t take yourself too seriously Parents can put so much pressure on themselves to be ‘a good parent’ and to have a tidy, organized home, well groomed, respectful children, and the perfect relationship with their partner. However, it is important to remember that things don’t always go to plan, and it’s okay if your routine or expectations go out the window sometimes. 2.It’s how you choose to react It’s often our reaction to a situation that makes things worse. When you find yourself feeling frustrated, angry or annoyed, take a deep breath and count to ten. If you need to, it’s ok to do this a number of times . Remove yourself from the situation and take a moment to calm down. You’ll often come back with a different perspective and more positive reaction to the situation than you would have had if you reacted straight away. Choose to do the things that make you feel good and you will be making the right decision. You need to trust your intuition. 3.Schedule in time for your family As pedantic as it may sound, making up a weekly planner and scheduling in blocks of time with your partner, each of your children and friends can make a real difference to your mood and the relationships you care about. Don’t forget to include ‘you’ time. At the end of the day, aren’t your family the most important things to you? 4.Make up a family vision board This is a fun activity to do with your family. Gather a pile of magazines and newspapers. Use a big, poster-sized piece of cardboard and with coloured pens, write down your goals, hopes, dreams and family values. Finding pictures that symbolise each one makes it fun and allows all family members to represent the ideas in ways that are meaningful for them. 5.Delegate - Write up a roster Mothers especially get caught up in doing everything and then wonder why, at the end 14

How to create Harmony in the Home

of the day, they are so exhausted. The younger your children get used to helping out around the house the easier it will be to get them to help you. Talk about being part of the “Harrison Team” and how we do the chores together so we have more time to have family fun. Small children from about 2 can help clean up the toys in the lounge room. 6.Keep it Simple Parenting is not simple. What I’m saying is, keep your approach simple. For example, Your child doesn’t need 5 pair of shoes when 2 pairs are sufficient, in fact if they are at primary school, 3 of everything is plenty. One on, one in the wash, and one spare. This goes for books, toys, games, etc. What kids need is your TIME and LOVE. 7.Live your dreams As parents the thing we want most for our children is to fulfil their hopes and dreams. Have the courage to live your dreams. If that means you need to build up your confidence, re-educate yourself, get fit and healthy, then do it. Show your children that you can achieve anything. Be the great role model that you said you were going to be when you decided to become a parent. 8.Do a Yearly Spring Clean Every year we try and have a big spring clean. We go through all of our clothes, shoes, toys, books and equipment that we no longer need and either have a garage |sale or donate it to the Salvation Army. It’s a great way to teach the kids not to be hoarders and to be giving to those in need. 9.Don’t Succumb to Peer Pressure It’s a natural thing to compare yourself to your peers, or your siblings. We do it all of our lives. Stay focused on what you want and what’s important for your family. Life is not about what car you drive, what clothes you wear, what house you live in or what job you have. Focus on your values and what makes your heart sing. Focus on looking after yourself and bettering yourself. Happy Parents = Happy Kids. 10.Have Fun & Be Grateful We are here to learn and share our experiences with others. One of the best things we can teach our children is to have fun. Bring laughter into your home as often as you can. Share a joke, relay a funny story and look at the funny side of a situation. Ask at the dinner table “What was the best part of your day?”. Turn off the TV and have some family conversation, play some games or have a talent quest. You are blessed to parent a child. We should not take this job for granted. It is a real privilege and not everyone who wants to be a parent can be. We should remind ourselves daily of how lucky we are. Be grateful. Live your life with an attitude of gratitude. I tell my children when I tuck them in every night that I am the luckiest mummy in the world to be their mum and to have such a beautiful boy/girl. They break out in a smile every time. You will never stop being your child’s parent but their childhood will pass in the blink of an eye, so enjoy it. Get the support and help you need to be able to be the best parent you can be. Most of all, know that you are doing a great job. The very fact you are reading this book is testament to that. To make the necessary changes you need and create harmony in your home, take notes from what you read and discuss these with your family. You could try implementing one new strategy a week and then asking everyone how they felt it went . I recommend you work on the family vision board first. Melissa Groom www.toddlerstoteens.tv 15

Keeping it Simple - by Melissa Groom

Guilt free TLC for you by Kirsty O’Callaghan

Have you ever said to yourself ‘I don’t have enough time to look after myself’, or ‘isn’t it selfish to take time out for me when I have a family to look after’? I hear this often from many of my clients and some of my friends. My first question is ‘and how is that working for you’? Usually the response is ‘it isn’t’! Well, if that is not working for you and you are feeling run down, overwhelmed, undervalued or the like, why not try something new? I am going to share with you how you can get out of this negative cycle and your old belief system of selflessness and move into looking after yourself. I promise you that when you do this you will have so much more to give to others and ultimately be a better role model to your family of how to love life, not just survive it. I have found in my own parenting experience, my parenting business and through the many parents I come across, there is one major factor that gets overlooked – if you are not ok, how can anything else be ok. It does begin with you! You can overcome many obstacles and uncomfortable situations by valuing you, by being in control, by making sure your health and wellbeing is at its best levels and by you being in charge of your ‘happy’. Quite often we hand this over to others, waiting for them to satisfy and notice the needs we have. My experience has shown me that it comes from within first, not from ‘out there’. I like to use the metaphors of vehicles, as I believe life is a journey and people generally feel the silent and invisible push to move forward in their lives. Let’s look at a family car. Parents feel a responsibility to keep the family car in good condition, up to a safe standard, using the right fuel and properly serviced so their family can get from A – B in comfort and as safe as possible. The car expenses and upkeep are put in the family budget and schedule because this is important to have this asset in top condition. As a parent, you can view yourself as important as your mode of transport. You are in charge of getting your family safely from A – B; you are responsible for their safe journey. To do this you need to be in good condition, getting the right fuel and services. You need to view yourself as an asset to the family unit and most importantly have the resources of time and energy to move yourself and your family forward. I will share with you how I keep in top condition, and enjoy the ride that is parenting. 16

How to create Harmony in the Home

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Every morning before I get out of bed, I affirm myself and my family, I see my daily plan play out in my mind, make any adjustments, take a deep breath and get out of bed to start my day.

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I communicate regularly with my family on what is going on for me, and ask for support when I need it.

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I make sure I am properly fuelled! I drink enough water, eat healthy food and exercise in a way that is right for me.

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I catch up with friends regularly that inspire me, make me laugh, support me and align with my values.

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I have regular activities and interests that are just for me. I pamper myself quarterly.

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I give myself permission to act in a way that is purposeful to me, not others expectations. I often choose my actions by checking in with myself first and ask, when I look back in 10 years’ time will I be ok with the way I am about to deal with this?

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I have learnt I don’t have to be Super Mum, I instead get Super Support! Whether it is paid help, help from friends or within the community; I think about the best thing I can do to leverage my time or support myself and my children through certain issues, and then I ask.

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I am constantly improving myself, asking myself what is the best use of my time and acknowledge that through my mistakes I get closer to getting it right.

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I take time each week to celebrate my achievements, discoveries, my trials and my ability to overcome them. I find my joy, and appreciate the lessons from my family by doing this.

I once heard someone say that what they remember and treasure about their mother most was not how much she loved him; it was how much she loved life. This struck a meaningful chord in me, and I have strived to live my life as an example to my children, family and friends, that life is abundant and life is great, and I am here to get the most out of each and every moment. My sincere wish is that you do to. Kirsty O’Callaghan www.unity-qld.com.au http://www.unity-qld.com.au/Articles-and-free-downloads.html for free articles and hints and tips booklet for parents from other parents.

Guilt free TLC for you by Kirsty O’Callaghan

How we Xxxxx xxxxxxx can develop xx xxx xx greater xxxxxxxxxx harmony at xxxxxxxxx home by Xxxxxxxxx Lay-Ean When Toddlers to Teen TV Show asked me whether I would like to contribute an article about How We Can Create Harmony at Home, I thought it would be a great opportunity to reflect upon the word “harmony” and my own family. I reflected on when I was growing up in Malaysia as a child and of my own family here in Australia and I set out to define the meaning of “harmony”. I would say that harmony in the home creates a place where family members can feel safe and secure, a place where they are accepted for who they are and where all members are happy, learning and thriving in their endeavours. But most of all, it means a place where everyone feels they belong, are loved and are respected. Now, let me share my family experience with you and how I draw on my experiences to design a harmonious family lifestyle. I grew up on a beautiful Island called Penang in Malaysia. It is like growing up in Hawaii, surrounded by beautiful weather, people and food every day. I have an older brother and a younger sister, as well as my beloved grandma, parents, my aunty and cousin, all living in the same household; and many extended families living close by. We were happy as a family. My parents were very busy working and providing for the family, so my grandma kept us company and was there for us. My aunty moved to Japan after staying with us for a few years, and I still speak with her through Skype every few months. We were like any other family. We had our ups and down, happy times and sad times. On top of our school work and extracurricular activities, we had chores that we had to do daily and had to be available to chip in to help when one of the family members was busy. However we did have a cleaner who came once a week to help with the ironing and cleaning. Once the house chores were set, there was no conflict and everything went on like clockwork. We knew where we stood in terms of our responsibility and would work around our school commitments. As long as everyone played their part, everything flowed effortlessly. Now let me share with you the story of my husband’s family. Until today, I am still amazed with the family environment he was brought up in. He grew up in a big house in Malaysia together with 58 family members, all living in the same house. It is customary for a Chinese family to have all the family members staying together. I remembered asking my late mother-in-law what it was like being married into such a huge family; she said that it was difficult, but everyone knew their role and what they had to contribute to the family. She said they learned to tolerate and respect each other’s space, desires and well-being, but most of all, they supported each other through the highs and lows. Was there 18

How to create Harmony in the Home

any conflict, I asked. Of course, she said, every family had their own conflict and issues. She added, it was how they resolved the conflict that mattered, and most of all, they had a great leader who was my husband’s granddad. Right now, I have my own family here in Australia - with my two teenage children and my husband. I reflected on how my children’s experiences growing up here in Australia compared to mine and my husband’s experiences. I can say that, despite the differences in our life experiences, despite our different family and cultural background, I believe that no matter where we are or who we are, or what sort of family structure we possess, at the end of the day there are a few core principles that hold true for achieving a well-balanced and harmonious family. Let me share with you some examples below: Respect and honour In spite of our busy lifestyle, we must acknowledge that every family member is unique in his or her own way, and we must consciously be aware that their needs and wants might be different. Therefore we must love and accept every family member in the household for who they are and respect and honour that they are unique, even though they may or may not share the same outlook that we have. However, despite any differences in outlook it is crucial that the core values be aligned. Responsibility What I have experienced myself and what my husband went through means I believe that every family member should contribute, help and support each other as a family unit. Having a chore or being responsible for any part of the household function helps each member to feel that they belong. They will feel accepted, supported and appreciated as part of the family. It is like running a company; everyone has their part to play, thus making the whole system work and function effectively. Well-being We are all busy! We are busy pursuing our own goals and dreams, busy making a living and fulfilling our daily chores and our children have their own social lives, school work and school activities…. As parents we look after everybody’s needs and have a tendency to forget about looking after ourselves. When this happens, resentments, depression, fatigue and arguments will creep in….thus it is important to pay attention and recognise when this begins to happen. Healthy Habits It works if the parents introduce healthy habits to their children when they are young, such as: learning to set priorities and good habits in their daily routine making them aware of their health, such as through exercise and meditation making healthy eating a must in their daily diet. Skill Sets Parents must be aware that being parents (like any other job) requires different skill sets; therefore it is always useful to continually update your knowledge and per19

How we can develop greater harmony at home by Lay-Ean

sonal development. Updating your skills means you can keep up with the demand of parenting at every stage of the children’s lives. Delegation of Duties Parents need to be consciously aware of their limitations in terms of what they can or can’t do. For example, if the parents are working full time, coming home to prepare dinner, going through the children’s work and on top of that, are expected to carry out the household chores, it is going to be extremely taxing on their well-being. Parents should know that they can either delegate some chores to the children or get in some external help. Well-Being on the whole Stress is not good for anyone, both on the physical or mental level. Parents need to take responsibility for their own well-being by introducing either meditation or exercise into their daily routine. Remember, you can’t empower your children when you are not empowered yourself. It is easy to start with even 10 minutes of exercise each day. Connection Being connected with your children and family is one of the major contributors to a well-balanced and harmonious family. Being connected means you will experience happiness, good flowing communication, well-adjusted and respectful children, and you can be the go-to person for your children. Leadership and Communication It is inevitable that every family (or even company) will need a leader. It can either be the Mum or Dad. It is the person who the family members can count and rely on or the go-to-person when they need to resolve a family issue. Every family goes through ups and downs, but how they overcome the issues is what matters. Are you the go-to-person for your family? If you can adopt one or two of the above approaches, you are on your way to a well-functioning, happy and harmonious family. Take the step and know that you are on your way to achieving harmony at home. © Lay Ean Eng 2011 Founder GoKids/GoParents www.gokids.com.au www.goparents.com.au Other Great Resources: http://www.harmony.gov.au/harmony-day/schools/students/young-australians-talk.htm http://lds.families.com/blog/family-home-evening-harmony-at-home Lay-Ean Eng’s website is www.gokids.com.au and www.goparents.com.au

How to create Harmony in the Home

Get Organized Creator of Organize your life by Claire McFee

With the help of several TV appearances, I have been fortunate to assist thousands of people worldwide better organize their lives and have more time. I know what it’s like to feel completely overwhelmed and not know where to start – which is the reason I came up with the idea for my Household Organizer in the first place. Out of the hundreds of organizing tips I have given over the years the Top 2 that come to mind - kind of like the glue that holds everything together – are regular De-cluttering/Culling and List Making. Here’s why:

1. De-cluttering/Culling - ‘Make the Charity Store your Best Friend!’ It’s near impossible to stay organized if you don’t regularly de-clutter your possessions and pass on items you don’t really need or want any more and get rid of items that have ‘had it’. •

I suggest doing Quarterly Culls. This can fit in nicely with School holidays.

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This is a great opportunity for kids to learn about ‘giving’ to those less fortunate than themselves.

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They may not want to give away any of their toys but need to learn it’s an important part of life to move things on as we invariably get ‘new’ things.

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Remember a cluttered house equals a cluttered mind.

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If we keep on top of our physical clutter we are better able to manage our mental and emotional health.

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Regularly de-cluttering and having a home for things saves heaps of time – especially cleaning and finding things!

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2. Make Lists - ‘The Weakest pen is better than the strongest memory.’ •

Unless you have photographic memory then List Making is a vital part of running a Household.

Get Organized by Claire McFee

•

Do Not use Post it notes or scraps of paper though! Buy an A4 note pad to keep your To Do Lists in and keep it somewhere obvious like by the phone.

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Tick off items addressed as you go to give you a sense of accomplishment

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Remember mind dumping onto Lists helps de-clutter the mind. It also gives us more clarity and energy - when we don’t have to remember so much.

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Lastly as Clinical Psychologist Molly Campbell explained on A Current Affair:-

Dis-organization & Clutter is a significant contributor to “depression and a feeling of ‘overwhelm’. We tend to just throw our hands up in the air and say, ‘I can’t cope, I don’t even know where to begin.’ Tools like Claire McFee’s Organize Your Life system are really helpful, because Once you get started it’s self motivating… As you start ticking off the things you have accomplished your energy starts to go up, and then you’re off and running.

”

To take these organizing tips further, read our other organizing articles and to sign up to our regular Newsletter full of Giveaways and Discounts Claire McFee’s website is www.organizeyourlife.com.au Join us for more de-stressing tips here: www.facebook.com/organizeyourlifefanpage

Special Offer:- Organize Your Life e-Organizer - Your Life in Lists Covering Your Home | Your Self | Your Money | Your Family We are happy to offer you a 20% discount off our Complete Organizer Set Including: Hundreds of ready-made lists for using in the short and long term; Free Annual eCalendars; Complete e-Address Book, A copy of the ‘How to Get and Stay organized’ eBook and even a complimentary ‘Get Started’ Phone consultation with Claire McFee all valued at over $125 All For only $55 Enter - ttt - in the discount section of the order form to redeem

How to create Harmony in the Home

www.organizeyourlife.com.au

Creating Harmony in the Home – Managing the children by Davina Sharry

We all know children are dynamic, complicated and active little characters! Long gone are the days when the child was seen and not heard. No, today’s children are vocal, discerning, aware, demanding, savvy and passionate about protecting their rights and having things go their way. Being a parent of one of these little children can be very rewarding and enjoyable, but not always easy. Sometimes it can be puzzling and difficult, and sometimes, just pure hard work! It’s easy to find yourself feeling somewhat frustrated or in need of some answers. At Powerful Parenting Australia what we understand is behaviour. Behaviour, and how to help parents get the best out of their children. We also understand that few things can disrupt the peace and harmony in the home more than behavioural issues. Big or small, from oppositional defiance and aggression, to moodiness, answering back, inappropriate choices, problems with selfmanagement, low self-esteem or children just not listening—it doesn’t matter. Parents need to know what to do to help their child move forward. We have an entire 12-step program that has been designed specifically to help parents and families succeed with behaviour, but in order to contribute to ‘Harmony in the Home’ we would like to share with you a couple of powerful communication tactics or techniques our parents use. If committed to, these communication techniques will challenge your child’s existing behaviours, inspire them and help move them forward with their behaviour and choices. These two communication techniques or strategies are tested and proven to be highly effective with children of all ages: “We found the strategies and language techniques of the Powerful Parenting Program wonderful! I have been recommending Powerful Parenting to everyone! I think it would be so beneficial for all educators to be involved in this insightful program!” Kelly Harte—Director Grosvenor Hall Childcare Centre. Please Note: If you don’t have children yet, inspiring, uplifting and powerful language can be a great choice when communicating with adults as well! Communication – An extremely powerful tool Ok, it may sound cliché but life really is a conversation. The greatest power you have as a human being is to think and to communicate. The way you communicate influences your relationship with your child and affects their learning about themselves. As a parent you can help to instil feelings of self-respect and self-confidence in your child and help them achieve personal 23

Creating Harmony in the Home - Managing the children by Davina Sharry

success, through your communication. You teach your child every day through the words you choose, and in doing so, either help set him or her up for success or failure. Communication either uplifts or pulls down; it either inspires or disparages. It’s that simple. As a parent, you need to make a conscious decision each day to focus on the language of success. This is what we term, powerful communication. Powerful communication inspires children, pushing them towards desired behaviour. All communication will have a repercussion. As a parent you must focus on the type of communication that builds respect, self-esteem, self-belief and inspires great choices and controlled behaviour. The message, messenger and method, that is, your words, your body language and the way you deliver a message—all influence your child’s self-belief, thinking, communication, attitude, social-emotional development and interpersonal skills. Your communication is such an important teaching tool and greatly influences the harmony within the home. In all your communication remember you are not just raising a child, you are also shaping the future adult.

Communication Technique Number One

– Give explicit feedback rather than empty praise It’s true! We all feel warm and happy when someone says something to praise us! In the instant we are praised, we know we’ve done something good and it feels really nice! But that’s just it—praise is nice. It is not a powerful form of communication. Of course praising children for their behaviour is far better than saying nothing or ridiculing a child, but it also represents a lost opportunity to help children break ‘behaviour skills’ down, learn and assimilate their learning into future situations. Praise can become empty rhetoric. Phrases such as “Good boy”, “Great”, “Super”, “Clever girl”, “Good job”, “You’re so smart” are lovely to say and hear, but there is even more a parent can say to help their child to learn. If we want to help children move forward with their learning and choices, we need to use explicit feedback to explicitly teach children and confirm their choices. Imagine for one minute if you paid for a driving lesson and the instructor, instead of clearly explaining each set of skills to you, step-by-step, occasionally just said, “Good girl!”, “Great driving” or “You’re so smart!” How much learning you do? Would you take on new skills and new understandings into the next lesson? Absolutely not! You’d feel great about your time in the car, and you’d like you instructor—but this would not help you learn to drive. You would probably get a new instructor fairly quickly. Now take this analogy back over into the area of behaviour management. ‘Behaviour’, just like driving or reading or writing, is not one skill, thought or action. It is a complex combination of skill sets. It is learned social and emotional competencies, communication skills, conflict resolution, learned responses… This list goes on and on. The more you can do to help your child learn through explicit communication and feedback, the more you will help them learn the myriad of skills that underpin behavioural competency.

How to create Harmony in the Home

Take a look at these two different scenarios. As a young child learning in today’s world, which form of communication would you appreciate from your parents? “What a clever girl you are!” OR “What a clever girl! You used your own words to solve your problem and kept your hands to yourself. Next time someone takes your toy, I know you will remember to use your grown-up words again! You’re learning to use your words of strength and power just like the big girls do. Well done big girl.” “Good boy for helping me!” OR “Well done helpful boy! You put your toys away as soon as I asked you. That means you’re doing high level listening AND being helpful just like the big kids! You wait until we tell dad about this. Next time, I bet you’ll pack up the first time I ask again! You’re making such grown-up choices!” Praise does not teach children explicitly about behaviour skills, choices or self management. It is far more helpful to embed or incorporate the praise in with explicit feedback and teaching. That way you can still compliment your child and ultimately set them up for success. At the end of the day, it’s not the ‘clever boy’ or the ‘good girl’ comments that teach. It is the explicit feedback about what the child has done that encourages and scaffolds their learning and results in change. Use praise, but use it with clear, explicit feedback that breaks the skill down so children can learn.

Communication Technique Number Two

– Appeal to your child’s need to be ‘grown-up’, promote and inspire A. Appeal to your child’s need to be ‘grown-up’ Every child wants to be considered ‘big’. Little toddlers want to be big boys and big girls. Preschool-aged children want to be big kids, and older children want you to see them as grown-up! In all our dealings with children over the past 19 years, we’ve yet to meet a child who didn’t want to be considered all grown-up! Even the youngest of children 2+ years of age wants to be thought of as a ‘big kid’. That’s the characteristic that makes this next communication technique so effective and the impact so immediate. As you deal with your child and their behaviour, you need to encourage and motivate them as you appeal to their need to be all grown-up! Children never want to be compared to children younger than them or ‘beneath’ them. You want to communicate that the behaviour they have done or need to do is easy for them as they are grown-up now. Explain the behaviour in terms of it being easy for big kids to do but difficult for toddlers, preschoolers or little kids to do because they haven’t learnt how to do it yet. You can also challenge your child into action by explaining that when he or she learns the behaviour in question, he or she will be just like the big kids! In this way you will appeal to your child’s need to be all grown-up. You can provoke your child into action by comparing an inability to do the behaviour to ‘toddler’ or ‘little kids’ behaviour. Keep your words uplifting and positive. For example: “You’re learning to use your words to solve your problems just like the big

Creating Harmony in the Home - Managing the children by Davina Sharry

kids do. If your words don’t work, you come and borrow my words. Only little preschoolers/toddlers/babies use their hands to solve their problems because they haven’t learnt how to use their words of strength and power like the big boys.” OR “I know you will give your brother a turn because big boys know how to take turns. Only the little babies/toddlers/preschoolers need help taking turns.” OR “This is easy for you to do because you’ve learning to be a big girl. All big girls can carry one shopping bag inside. It’s what all the big kids do. Come and help me because you’re a big girl now who knows she can do this all by herself!” We’ve even had toddlers learn toilet training and to stop hurting their baby siblings through this technique: “These communication techniques are working extremely well! Both of our children’s behaviour has changed! Our son (2.5) doesn’t throw nearly as many tantrums now... We are currently using these techniques for toilet training and they are working so well!” J.Dunbar “Madie (2+ years old) is so much better already with Olivia (baby) now! We have seen that this does work! The communication techniques have been so valuable to us and have worked so well. The girls get on great now and are constantly playing with each other all the time… Thank you!” P. McCarthy B. Choose success-laden language You can drive your child towards a desired behaviour with carefully chosen, success-laden language. Actively look for opportunities to set your child up for behavioural success. No matter what is occurring or has occurred, use your words to inspire your child. Look at these two different approaches to communication below. In both these cases, the communication will teach the child something and both approaches will get results! Approach 1: “How many times have I told you not to take your drink to the lounge because you’ll spill it! You never listen. You’ve made a big mess for me to clean up!” Approach 2: “You got your drink ready all by yourself just like the big girls. Next time when you remember to drink it at the table, you’ll be making a very grownup decision. Help me to clean up this drink and next time I know you’ll help me and drink your drink at the table because that’s what the big, helpful kids do!” One approach reinforces and drives the child towards undesired behaviour with clear messages such as: You don’t listen; You will spill your drink; You are frustrating; You have failed; You make me angry… The other approach clearly reinforces and drives the child towards desired behaviour with messages such as: You’re independent like the big girls; You can make grown-up decisions; You will remember next time; You will be more helpful; Next time you will do what I’ve asked; I believe in you. In the heat of the moment many of us use approach one but the power for change lies in the considered, thoughtful and powerful approach two.

How to create Harmony in the Home

Communication Action Plan for Parents

STOP! Before you speak: Before you speak to your child, please ask yourself these 2 questions: What lesson am I about to teach my child with my communication? And what behaviour am I driving my child towards with what I’m about to say?

2. 3. 4.

Aim to give explicit feedback rather than empty praise

Remember to appeal to your child’s need to be ‘grown-up’

Choose language that encourages leadership and promotion. Children love to be referred to as ‘leaders’ and to receive ‘promotions’ for their hard work, behaviour and achievements. By using language that promotes a child to a new rank or new position, you infer leadership and success and this will make a huge difference to a child’s behaviour! In you communication use: “My assistant; Leader; The boss of; In charge of; Big kid or big girl or big boy; My special helper; Grown-up; Man, Sir”

Communicate a strong belief in your child by using success-laden language. Use language that affirms your belief in your child: “You’re learning to be

independent just like the big girls”; “You’re learning to make such make grown-up choices”; “You will remember next time”; “You are so helpful”; “Next time you will do what I’ve asked because you’re good at listening”; “Come on, this is easy for you!”; “Big girls like you find this easy to do!”; “You can do this! You’re too clever for this job to trick you.” Your message is: “I believe in you and you are learning to be successful!” Eg: “Big, strong boys like you are good at putting their bikes away.” In all your communication with your child always remember: Children learn what they live. They internalise every word, every response, every reaction and every gesture from those around them. Children are very sensitive to their environment and are easily influenced by the people around them—especially their parents. As parents and teachers it is our responsibility to ensure: What they learn makes them feel strong and confident… What they hear uplifts and inspires them…And what they experience brings them joy, happiness and success… Happy Parenting!

Creating Harmony in the Home - Managing the children by Davina Sharry

We Have So Much More To Share With You! Parents and teachers! At Powerful Parenting Australia our mission is simple. We aim to equip and empower you with the most highly-effective and proven strategies we have! In doing this, we ensure you not only succeed with behaviour, but excel at behaviour management! We have a fantastic track record helping children of all ages achieve great results with their confidence, self-control, self-management and behaviour! The two strategies shared today were actually hard for us to contribute as they belong to a very comprehensive step within our 12-step program! Our unique, life changing ‘adult-and-child’ training program, ‘Powerful Parenting!-12 simple steps to behaviour success!’ is literally overflowing with proven, highly-effective strategies that have helped countless children. Fully comprehensive, our 200+ page downloadable program covers everything from setting up the home environment for success; powerful communication techniques; responding to behaviour with meaningful consequences; preventing behaviour problems and evaluating the quality of the school environment right through to explicitly teaching your child the behaviour skills they need; establishing loving, respectful relationships; and building their healthy inner voice, self-esteem and independence! Fun, user-friendly and based on everyone achieving great results together, Powerful Parenting changes the way parents and educators view, and manage, behaviour. “Things are unbelievable in our house now! My son is eating this program up! This is not what we expected! And no tantrums since starting the program! I am truly appreciative of your programme and what it has done for all our family. I am SO PROUD of my son now. With every day I see progress and it makes me cry.” M. Collins, Sydney An Exciting Special Offer! Thank you for taking the time to read ‘Harmony in the Home’! We’d like to offer you the Powerful Parenting® Program for over 30% off the recommended retail! Our comprehensive 200+page program retails for $150, but by simply entering discount123 into the space provided on our website, we will ensure you receive the program for a special once-off investment of only $99! We’re so excited to be able to give you the skills you need to succeed, while helping your child attain the skills they need for life! This is your opportunity to save and make your parenting easier! About The Author: Davina Sharry B.Teach. Grad. Dip. ECE is a senior Early Childhood Specialist with over 18 years experience, and is the proud Founder and Director of Powerful Parenting Australia. Davina has spent most of her career passionately helping children of all ages achieve remarkable results with their social and emotional development and behaviour, and is now the author of the highly-effective 12-step program, ‘Powerful Parenting – 12 simple steps to behaviour success!’ Davina is so passionate about helping children, and 28

How to create Harmony in the Home

uses her parent-training Presentations and comprehensive 12-step Powerful Parenting® Program to give parents the proven strategies they need to achieve remarkable results with behaviour in the home. With an ever-increasing number of families benefiting, I believe she has firmly positioned herself as a passionate advocate for children and as an expert in not only managing behaviour, but in changing children’s behaviour for the long-term. It is exciting she is able to share these strategies, tactics and systems with you to ensure you succeed with behaviour management in the same way at home! By P. Di Marco B.Arts; Grad. Dip.Teach; Senior Coordinator, Education Queensland Our Contact Details: Drop by our website! http://www.powerfulparenting.com.au Take a look at our terrific testimonials: http://powerfulparenting.com.au/testimonials.php Come and ‘LIKE’ us on Facebook for regular tips, strategies and advice: http://www.facebook.com/PowerfulParentingAustralia Contact us to ask a question or maybe organise a dynamic speaking presentation: http://powerfulparenting.com.au/contactus.php Subscribe to our channel for our latest parenting and behaviour management videos! http://www.youtube.com/user/555Davina#p/u 29

Creating Harmony in the Home - Managing the children by Davina Sharry

Harmony in the Home by Michelle Wright

When I was pregnant with my second child, my husband left to be with his girlfriend of 6 weeks. We had only just immigrated to Australia; I had no family, very few friends and a big mortgage. I had my second child in a haze of post-natal depression as I struggled to work out who I was and why this had happened to me. At this time I was given some words of advice that I believe really helped me keep it together through those dark times. They were simple and I often repeated them like a mantra when I felt the gloom folding in around me. They were: “Get revenge by being happy”. I painfully learnt over time that I had almost forgotten what made me happy. I was so used to putting my children and husbands’ needs ahead of my own that I realised I actually experienced guilt when I spent money or time just for myself, just for me and just for my pleasure. The other painful truth I learnt was that while I had no balance or harmony in myself, there was no harmony in our home either. Once I realised this, I set about discovering the things that make me happy and to this day practice them on a daily or regular basis. Without a happy mum, there will be no harmony in the home! 13 keys to improve the harmony in your home! 1. Write your list: Make a list of all the things that bring you joy. They can involve other people or be solitary guilty pleasures. Mine include facials, going to the movies and reading the Sunday papers in bed. Once the list is identified, it is much easier to include it in your life. 2. Plan: Don’t just think about the things that make you happy, make a plan to include them into your life. Today, for this week. 3. Replace negative thought patterns with positive ones: Once you recognise negative thought patterns, it is easy to replace them with positive ones. At first this might seem contrived, but over time repeating a positive phrase is going to be much more worthwhile than repeating the negative one. 4. Rest: This might seem like a tall order when you are up dealing with babies or small children. But it is ok to let everything else go to have a lie down and rest when the opportunity presents itself. 5. Rituals: This is a nice way to say organizing. Once rituals are in place, it is easy to get others involved in helping maintain them. 30

How to create Harmony in the Home

6. Avoid difficult people: You know who they are. It is incredibly liberating to make a personal decision not to spend time with them. 7. Letting go: We can’t control the universe and sometimes life does deal you a shit sandwich. But we need these times, so we can appreciate what is good in our lives. Looking forward to a time past the difficult phase, helps you understand that it is just that, a phase. 8. Daily thankfulness: Practice seeing the glass half full. My Grandfather told me times that he use to cry about having no shoes, until he met a man with no feet. 9. Simplify your life: Who says our children must attend a myriad of afterschool activities? 10. Never call yourself a “bad mother”: I once listened to a talk back show about parents who had lost touch with their children. One woman was talking about her teenage daughter leaving home and now the relationship was completely broken between them. When asked what the cause was. Her answer was simple and clear and has always stayed with me: “I used to tell my daughter all the time that I was a bad mother and then one day she believed me”. I am the best mother my children will ever have. 11. Eat well and exercise: There is no plug in motivation key that you can use,except habit. Make eating well and exercising an everyday ritual. 12. Practice non-judgment: monitor how often you associate the words “good” and “bad” to eating, behaving, life or people. These simple words have connotations of guilt and judgment. Practice making the best decision you can right now and leave it at that. 13. Help others: Make regular deposits into the universal bank of kindness. You just never know when you are going to make a big withdrawal! Harmony in your home is really a metaphor for happiness within yourself. The daily practice of harmony rituals that make you happy will not eliminate all unhappiness in your life or in the lives of the ones you love, but it will help you to cope when life swings you a curve ball and help make you appreciative when life truly is good! Mish is the founder and CEO of mishfit. mishfit mothers is a specialised personal training program designed for pregnant and post-natal women, educating women on how to exercise safely and where their babies and children are welcome. mishfit is truly a family friendly small business and is now available as a franchise. Michelle Wright’s website is www.mishfit.com.au 31

Harmony in the home by Michelle Wright

5 HOT Tips to Make Another 90 Minutes in YOUR day! by Sam Beau Patrick Do you struggle finding enough time in the day? Are you torn between putting yourself or your family first? Often the day to day struggle can take a toll on our health, our happiness and definitely our lives! Believe me, I understand about the above mentioned struggles. Being a working mum of three children I continually look for ways of improving, condensing and short cutting time and creating more energy! About 6 years ago I had a hormone breakdown. I had over committed to everything and lost sight of simplicity, life and how to be happy. Since that time, I have written 3 books, have 3 websites and talk around Australia (and soon the world) to women and business people about finding that “perfect balance”. These are my TOP 5 tips that will save you time, energy and will keep your sanity preserved! 1. Prepare meals on allocated nights of the week ONLY! 2. Prepare lunches on one day of the week and freeze 3. Do your exercise before doing anything else in the day 4. Only open mail once a week, only open emails twice a day and only get on 5. Facebook once a day 6. Invest in yourself (especially green light activities).

So let ’s elaborate on what these mean, and how to integrate them into your busy life . 1.Prepare meals on allocated nights of the week ONLY! This has saved me at least 5-10 hours over the week. How much time do you spend preparing a healthy meal? I have worked out over the years it takes approximated 1-2 hours per meal – from cutting to cooking to serving. So a really good way to prune this time is to cook a few dishes at once. In order to do this you need a weekly plan. I always prepare on paper, my weekly cook-ups. This allows you to see if you can use left-overs for another dish and what foods you need to buy. 32

How to create Harmony in the Home

At the moment, it works for me to buy all food on the week-end at markets – it is superior food, lasts longer, is cheaper and well, all round better! Sunday night I will cook 3 dishes. This may be a lasagna, a pot of soup, some rice (for stir fry mid-week) and make the salads for the week. Here’s an example of my weekly planner mon tues

wed

thurs fri sat

sun

Sushi

sushi

BBQ

sushi

Corn chips

Lasagna Roast chook Corn chips Soup from Take Steak and 1. Spag bog and salad and vege and mince chook away vegies 2. Cook rice for sushi from sunday 3. You can prepare sandwiches and freeze them

These are some pictures to give you an idea of the mass production that goes on… Shop at the markets where possible Prepare salads in advance. Organic will last a long time. And if you enjoy cooking like I do, grab a nice glass of wine, turn the music up and see if someone will take the kids for a walk or maybe they can play outside so you can zone out and enjoy the preparation for the week.

5 hot tips to make another 90 minutes in your day by Sam Beau Patrick

2. Prepare lunches on one day of the week and freeze This is really easy if you use a bread based lunch like sandwhiches, or quiche. Simply prepare them all, bundle up and put in the freezer. Treats, healthy chips etc. can also be packaged and put into the freezer. Fresh fruit just needs to be added on the day.

3. Do your exercise before doing anything else in the day If you have the choice, exercise at the first possible point in the day. This may mean before your partner leaves for work (if you have a partner), before work, or after school drop off. Don’t plan it for later in the day – do it early! IT will give you energy for the day, clarity of mind and an increased metabolism. Some exercise is better than none. 20 minutes is a good start. Walking is easiest as it is free and most people can do it.

4. Only open mail once a week, only open emails twice a day and only get on Facebook once a day It’s funny how opening mail can lead to a mass of time wasting. Only open mail once a week. Spend the same hour (but only do it once, not 5 times). Apply the same principle to emails and other activities. Be really critical of the regularity, the need versus the wasted time to do these time-distracting activities more often.

How to create Harmony in the Home

5. Invest in yourself (especially green light activities). The more time you invest in your health, your energy and your priorities, the better your time management and sense of fulfilment will be. It is imperative to allocate a section of each day to reflection (call it meditation, yoga or me time) where you can make sure you are achieving and doing everything YOU should be. Not what others expect or want of you. I explain more about green light activities in my webinar: “why stress is more addictive than chocolate” essentially, green light activities are activities that when done will actually give you back time! Fancy that! You spend an hour on them and you get the hour exchanged in that activity and you also get surplus. That is because “green light” activities give you MORE! More time, more focus, more energy. Amazing. Try it, like it and do IT! These are just some of the HOT time saving tips I have learned over the years. I have many more in my webinars – you can tap into previously recorded ones on www.healthqueen.com.au/events . Some are free and some are for purchase. I look forward to working with you and helping you be the most amazing and wonderful ‘you’ that you can be! Warm regards, Sam ☺ Sam Beau Patrick’s web-site is www.healthqueen.com.au

5 hot tips to make another 90 minutes in your day by Sam Beau Patrick

Health Check your wealth by Donna Emerson

Have you ever thought about the affect financial stress has on your body? Is it possible that an illness you are suffering could be related to your money troubles? Whatever the cause of money problems, one common theme is that it can creep up on you very quickly. Sometimes it is through no fault of your own, but just as you cannot ignore the first symptoms of illness you cannot ignore the first signs of financial stress. Money problems can cause you stress which can lead to illness. Whether you like it or not money is important and it affects almost every aspect of your life. Regardless of how much or how little you have we can all struggle to manage it and have the right attitude towards it. If you are not in control of your money it controls you and can cause pressure & worry. So is there an answer to combat money problems, particularly if you feel the cause is sometimes out of your control. It may be that your car needs some urgent repairs, the washing machine dies, your children want to attend the annual school excursionâ&#x20AC;Ś.the list goes on. You can look for some answers from two different angles but they are very closely related. The first thing you need to do is to look after yourself. If your body is not performing at its best how can you continue to give your family or your work the attention they deserve? You may feel that your family & work life is so busy that you canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t afford any down time, but the best thing you can do is take some time out & do something for yourself that you enjoy. You may have some guilty feelings at first, but you will soon realize that this time will not only benefit you but everyone else in your family. It may not even be a costly exercise. It could be just as simple as taking a walk along the beach or reading a book from the library. Make a determined effort to start looking after your body through the food you eat and the exercise you give it. The other area you need to make some changes in is the management of your money. Just think about the effect on your mind & body of continually stressing about money issues. Over time it can become chronic and illness can eventuate. You really need to go back to money basics & look at what income is coming into your household and where are you spending. Until you actually take your spending habits apart you will not be able to make any adjustments. Once you realize where your money is going then you can begin to make changes. You may either have to cut back, cut out or increase income.

How to create Harmony in the Home

Health Check your wealth by Donna Emerson

If you feel confused or worried about your money here are 10 simple money management tips to help get your finances back on track. 1. WHO’S IN CONTROL: YOU OR YOUR MONEY Make the decision now to take hold of your finances and make the changes that will enable you to make the choices for you to live a happier life. 2. SET YOUR GOALS Consider what goals you need for managing your money better. Do you want to get out of debt? Are you saving for something? To reach your goals you need to know what you are aiming for. 3. MAKE A BUDGET Complete an Income & expenses worksheet – you need to find out exactly what you spend your money on each month. 4. BALANCE YOUR BUDGET Are you spending more than you have coming in? You have to be prepared to look at each of your expenses and decide if it can be removed, reduced or changed to reduce outgoings. 5. SAVINGS Don’t be tempted to use the ‘buy now pay later’ interest free loans that are available. Start a savings plan for those planned purchases or unexpected expenses. 6. WHERE DO YOU STAND WITH YOUR DEBTS Find out where you stand with your debts. Write down all your borrowings including balance, interest rate, monthly repayments. Review all your loans & if your debt repayments are too high you need to get advice about your options. 7. ELIMINATE CREDIT CARD DEBT Try to reduce your credit card debt as quickly as possible. Always try and pay more than the required minimum monthly payment. 8. IMPROVE YOUR MONEY HABITS Plan your money path from payday to payday. Be aware of when your bills are due and make sure they are paid on time. Change the day your regular direct debits come out of your account to suit your income receipts. Keep a close eye on all transactions through your account, particularly if you have a credit card. 9.GET ORGANIZED Set up a Financial Filing System for all your financial records. Include your bank & loan statements, your bills both paid & unpaid, insurance details, bank details, etc. 10. EDUCATE YOURSELF Educate yourself about the finance options that are available to you. The key to your success is to keep at it and to maintain discipline with your money. For a FREE copy of our Budget Worksheet to help get your finances back on track please email donna@responsiblefs.com.au Donna Emerson Home Finance Specialist www.responsiblefinancialsolutions.com.au 37

Health Check your wealth by Donna Emerson

Communication and Quality Time by Alli Price

Talk to your husband This may sound like an obvious tip but you’d be amazed at the number of women who don’t sit down and have a proper chat with their husband before starting a business – including me! I know of mums who haven’t had the chat and have ended up: • Feeling unsupported, • Feeling like their hubby doesn’t understand or care about what they do, • Thinking their hubby only cares about whether they’re making money, • Having to run the business and do all the household tasks, • Separating (this was me). The fact is that having a business is like having a baby – it’s a massive undertaking and if you don’t talk about expectations and responsibilities beforehand then you can get six months in and find out you have completely different values and aspirations (also my ex and I!). Once you’re smack in the middle of these difficulties it’s hard to approach them with objectivity and let’s face it, by then you’re probably madly in love with your business and not willing to move an inch when it comes to compromise. Better to get this all out of the way beforehand. So how to circumvent these potential issues? Do some research into your business idea including: 1. How much it will cost to set up i.e. website, business cards, training, promotional materials, stock, warehousing etc etc. 2. Talk to other mums in business in similar fields and find out how much time it takes to set up and run a business like yours. 3. Talk to other mums in similar fields and find out how long it takes to start earning a profit. Crunch your numbers! Once you have this information you’re ready to chat to your partner/hubby. The areas you might like to cover in your discussion could include: 1. What are your visions for the business? Don’t edit or correct one another – just get them out, plain and simple, so you can start to see where there might be potential for issues later,

How to create Harmony in the Home

2. What are your priorities? Is his priority to make money and yours to follow your passion? Is there a middle ground? 3. How many hours a week are you both happy with you committing to the business (give or take)? How many nights? How many weekends? Is there flexibility when things get busy? 4. Who is going to be looking after the kids during the week? What about out of hours? 5. How much money are you both prepared to commit to getting the business off the ground? 6. Who will make the spending decisions on the business? Will it need to be a joint decision if it’s quite large? 7. Who will be responsible for the housework? 8. How long will you be prepared to go without making any money on the business before you feel it will need to cease operating? 9. Are there any other situations you can foresee happening that might result in the business being shut down? 10. Who will be making the business decisions? Will it need to be a joint decision if it’s quite large? 11. Is there anything else outstanding you feel needs to be brought up now? Action plan: Make a time to talk with your hubby and then set review dates to look at the progress of the business and decide if any of your answers have changed. Write your joint decisions to the above questions on a piece of paper that you can both see, so you remember your responsibilities and what you agreed on, at any time.

Plan quality (not quantity) time with your kids Listening to mums in business talk recently about how they juggle their work and kids I’ve noticed a pattern emerging. It’s quality, not quantity. The first time I heard a mum speak about her challenges and that she had decided she would dedicate 15 minutes a day of undivided attention to each of her children (I think she had two) - I was shocked. Only 15 minutes each! It sounded like such a small amount of time. But when she went on to explain, it made sense. She had worked out how much time she needed to commit to her business to get it where she wanted to go, factored in housework, making dinner, school run etc. (where she would also be with her kids, but not in the same way) and she was left with 15 minutes each. She then sat back and decided if she felt comfortable with this amount of time, and she was. 39

Communication and Quality Time by Alli Price

Her plan worked for several reasons: 1. She was choosing to spend 15 minutes of undivided time with each of her kids and, therefore, was committing to something. Rather than not making any commitment and finding she was getting to the end of each day having been distracted by work (the house or business kind). 2. She worked out the time all her other responsibilities took and then determined whether the remaining time worked for her kids. If it hadn’t, then at least she knew the time her other commitments took and could have altered them to fit. If she hadn’t been able to alter her other commitments then at least she was aware of what was taking her time and why and could avoid feeling guilty when she wasn’t able to spend as much time with her kids. 3. She was able to feel great as she knew that she was giving dedicated time to her kids every day as she had promised. We are all time-poor and want the best for our kids but it’s about being realistic about what we can do in a day and how we can achieve it. I feel this plan is a great way of balancing all our interests and making us feel like the great mums we are! Action plan: Work through the steps outlined above and schedule a review after 3 months or so. Why not ask your kids for a little feedback also? Think about taking it one step further and, once a week minimum, schedule a special activity to do with your child. The Values Game - downloadable Just launching your business? Or having difficulty finding motivation to run your current business? It could be because the business you run is not in line with your values. Take this quick test to find out what your core values are and then you can decide how to incorporate them into the running of your business. http://www.motivatingmum.com/images/stories/alli/ the%20values%20game.pdf Alli Price’s website is www.motivatingmum.com

How to create Harmony in the Home