Togatus Edition #3 2016 by Togatus

ADDITION THREE, 2016 @togatus_ 10 | Animal Welfare: What Australia can learn from New Zealand 18 | The Death of Humour 29 | Asta Inter-Review

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Published by the State Council on behalf of the Tasmania University Union Inc. (hf. â&#x20AC;&#x153;the publishersâ&#x20AC;?) The opinions expressed herein are not those of Togatus staff or the publishers. The copyright in each piece of work remains with the contributor; however, the publishers reserve the right to reproduce material on the Togatus website togatus.com.au. Togatus staff:

Editor-in-chief: Jess Flint

Print Editor: Meghan Scolyer Digital Editor: Nikita Riseley

Assistant Editors: Courtney Gould & Daisy Baker Design: Luke Visentin, Jonty Dalton

Administration Assistant: Mateesha Howard Contributors: Andrew Grey, April Cuison, April McLennan, John Tanner, Louise Hedger, Maddie Burrows, Mark Glidden, Marvin Thrailkill, Zoe Cooney

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Additorial Animal Welfare: What Australia can learn from New Zealand

Mus Musculus â&#x20AC;&#x201C; Part II

Dad Bods

Add Your Art But who is Alex Warbucks?

The Death of Humour

Curious about Christianity?

Asta Inter-Review

Procrastination

Neo

How toâ&#x20AC;Ś Decorate on a Shoestring

Victoria Dance Festival 2016 - Warrnambool Melancholia

Contributors

Andrew Grey

April Cuison

April McLennan

John Tanner

Louise Hedger

Maddie Burrows

Mark Glidden

Marvin Thrailkill

Zoe Cooney

Additors

Jess Flint Additor-in-Chief

Meghan Scolyer Print Additor

Nikita Riseley Digital Additor

Mateesha Howard Addministration Officer

Courtney Gould Assistant Additor

Daisy Baker Assistant Additor

Jonty Dalton Designer

Luke Visentin Designer

Additorial Jess Flint Editor-in-Chief

Our office is in the process of being renovated, so I cannot know exactly which edition I am referencing, but somewhere in our archives of the 80’s there is an editorial which points out that if you had read Togatus in 1977, you would find no mention of Elvis Presley’s death. A fact, I realised, that would be true of our pop culture losses of 2016; David Bowie, Prince, Alan Rickman, George Martin – the list goes on. But there is one loss which simply cannot go unmentioned. David Quinn will be missed. I know, reading this, there will be some of you who knew Dave extremely well, and some who never had the pleasure of meeting him. Dave has been part of the TUU for decades, and has always been on the side of the students. He has touched the lives of everyone who has passed through the TUU. He has encouraged us to fight for our futures, reach our potential, and stay true to ourselves, always acting with integrity. There are people who knew Dave a lot longer, and a lot better, than I did who would attest the same. Our campus is mourning the loss of a truly kind, and great man. Dave was passionate about students, and he was passionate about Togatus. I am not the first editor to have sought his guidance, but sadly I will be the last. It is my promise to him that I will remember all that he taught me. We all will. This edition of Togatus is dedicated in loving memory of Dave Quinn, for without him it would not be the same. And thank you Dave, for not telling anyone about that time we had a cat living in the office. The halls of the TUU will be empty without you.

But who is Alex Warbucks? John Tanner #feature

Quotes are an amazing tool, useful for portraying an ideal or sentiment better described by a greater mind. However, quotes are only as good as the mind who stated them. Just the other day I was indulging in a cheeky social media fix. I was enjoying the click bait Facebook offers when I found an incredible article. It was written by Alexander Warbucks, and titled “How I would manage my slaves”. I thought to myself, a wonderful article like this must be from someone pretty special. I needed to know who had said these magical words. With nothing more than a name to guide me towards my new found messiah, the same article just kept on popping up. With a year of journalism behind me, and a head full of dreams, I was not disheartened easily. I clicked through to page two (a rare event in the way I usually use Google) yet, still, I came up with nothing! Deciding to alter my Google search I finally came up with one link. This one link would give me a lead to the information I so desired. The link was similar to those I’d visited before. A picture with an ominous coloured background with the quote over the

“A misquotation or made up quote can destroy an argument.” top and a comments section filled with antigovernment sentiments; then right down the bottom there was the magic line “But who is Alex Warbucks?” It seemed as though I was not the only traveller asking this question. This got me thinking about how we use quotes. In academic literature, they provide links to reference material, but, I wondered, how about on social media? Are quotes analysed? Do we peer into the background of the owner of a quote before we repost it? The quote, “When you work hard to do something right, you don’t want to forget it” seems wonderful, until you learn its author and context. This ‘wonderful quote’ is from the notorious American serial killer Ted Bundy. That changes things a little doesn’t it?

sort of scientific background. Finally, one last quote, “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results”, which is commonly attributed to Einstein, the only problem is, Einstein never said it. This is why it is important to check your quotes. A misquotation or made up quote can destroy an argument. Nothing will kill the mood more than saying to that special someone,“as long as you have love in your heart you’ll never be alone,” only to have the other person to respond with, “didn’t Charles Manson say that?” So before you repost a quote or let it profoundly impact your way of life, ask yourself “but who is Alex Warbucks?”

Or try this: “the great thing about science is that every day you’re on the forefront of discovery.” Again, a great quote, but who said it? No one did. I made it up. Now, while I don’t go around collecting body parts, like Ted Bundy, I also don’t hold any

Animal Welfare: What Australia can learn from New Zealand Meghan Scolyer #news

Same sex marriage laws, wind farms and a fruity Sauvignon Blanc are just some of the things New Zealand does better than Australia. As it turns out, our sister nation is also several steps ahead of us when it comes to animal welfare. In May 2015 the New Zealand Government passed the Animal Welfare Amendment Bill, which means animals in New Zealand are now legally recognised as the sentient beings they are.

Under these proposed changes, the surgical removal of the breach and tail skin folds of a Merino sheep will become a criminal offence. The conviction will carry a $5,000 penalty for individuals, and a $25,000 penalty for corporations. According to the RSPCA, mulesing is also a major problem in Australia, with more than 5 million merino lambs undergoing the painful procedure each year without pain relief.

The act stipulates that owners and other persons responsible for an animal must properly attend to their welfare.

Under the current industry guidelines pain relief should be administered before mulesing, but it is not legally regulated.

It also prohibits the use of animals for the testing of cosmetic products.

Despite the changing overseas laws, Australia’s stagnant welfare laws remain unlikely to change. Farmers in New South Wales have rejected similar calls to end mulesing in Australia, saying it remains an essential practice for fly-strike management.

This is in stark contrast to Australia, where animals are classified as property, and have next to no legal rights. While there is animal welfare legislation enacted in all Australian states, the provisions only prevent extreme acts of animal cruelty, and many other aspects of animal welfare remain unregulated.

Alternative ways to prevent fly-strike include the application of chemicals, and breeding the wrinkly genes out of the sheep.

Agriculture and farming is another component of animal welfare that is seeing New Zealand making advances where Australia is not.

Senior Lecturer in animal behaviour and welfare at Charles Sturt University Rafael Freire spoke to Farmonline about our nation’s perceived indifference when it comes to animal welfare.

The New Zealand Ministry of Primary Industries has recently released a consultation document proposing a nationwide ban on mulesing.

“Australian livestock industry engages in practices that have been questioned on welfare grounds and abroad, and indeed have been

banned by many other countries,” he said. “It doesn’t seem to me that foreign attitudes or practices have influenced Australian industry.” Australia and New Zealand have a history of healthy competition over which is the better nation. However this is one area where our sister nation has overtaken us in leaps and bounds – it’s time for Australia to play catch up*

*Can you help Australia round up all its sheep? There are six sheep lost throughout the pages of this magazine!

Dad Bods April McLennan #feature

“If someone doesn’t appreciate you the way that you are then you shouldn’t bother gracing them with your presence.”

The ideal male physique once consisted of biceps so big they could move mountains, abdominals so hard they could grate cheese and pecs so perky they could poke your eye out. Oh, how the times have changed. The new ‘ideal’ male body according to people across the globe is not a bodybuilder, but a man instead, with just the right amount of hunk. This body type features a guy that works out occasionally, but also has a bit of a beer belly. This extremely sexy physique is known as the ‘dad bod.’ However to possess a dad bod a child is not necessary, just a man with a somewhat pregnant looking belly. This type of man would also serve as the perfect pizza-eating partner. You get to eat a whole pizza each without worrying about the calories. What’s not to love about this! Proud owner of a dad bod, Patrick Sheehan, says, “tasty food and beer is more satisfying than exercise!” Many individuals also find the dad bod less threatening. Fellow dad bod enthusiast Jarrod Pitman confesses, “If I was going to approach a guy at the gym it actually adds another layer of stress on top of flirting.” This goes to show that men as well as women are faced with social pressure and unrealistic ideas about their appearance.

dad bod. One of the most favourable features of their partner’s body type is the fact that they are not obsessed with their appearance or going to the gym. Allowing them to be carefree and relaxed. This benefits the relationship they have with their partner, as they are able to have a great time together without their boyfriend dwelling over his physique. They are also said to have extremely good cuddling abilities, and who wouldn’t want to cuddle up to these sexy, curvy men? In the end it doesn’t matter if you are slim, chubby, chiselled or have a dad bod. The most important factor is that you are happy and healthy. If someone doesn’t appreciate you the way that you are then you shouldn’t bother gracing them with your presence. So ladies and gentlemen, next time you see a guy strutting his stuff and completely flaunting his gorgeous dad bod, I urge you to give him a pat on the back, a thumbs up or even a seductive wink. Let him know that he is beautiful and we love and appreciate this bootylicious body type.

However the dad bod is not all about the possessor. Many individuals have declared their love for the

Mus Musculus – Part II Marvin Thrailkill #creative

A freezing wind blew in from the ocean with a warning of imminent snow. Max had delivered all his newspapers and even managed to get the money owed by that weird lady with the dog. On one occasion he had gone to her door and seen her through the glass and she had been dressed only in a small t-shirt. Previously he had stopped to pet the dog and chat with her. Now he cycled by, surreptitiously tossing the paper and quickly moving on. Recently it had landed in an icy puddle. The delivery manager, Mr Caliendrelo, had not been happy. But now Max’s pocket was weighed down by the coinage, no tip this time. The route was one of the more challenging in the paper’s circulation area, with its steep hills and meandering driveways. Of course these people were the worst tippers. They were the descendants of old money whose name still adorned

the top of a city building. It was an added injustice that descending the steepest hill, Max had to apply his brakes hard to turn left and begin the ascent up the steepest driveway. He was now on the homeward leg and soon he would be safe in his room, well before his mother arrived home from work. His rusty old Schwinn rattled up the last hill, the baskets beside the rear wheel scraping annoyingly against his heel. “Have to fix that soon,” he muttered. Now his goal was to get home and get the winter chill out of his hands and toes. As it grew dark he wished to avoid any meeting with the local guys. They were the sons of fishermen who had not seen work in years, and could be unpredictable. Mostly, they hung out in the park near the waterfront. As night fell they seemed to move into small dark alcoves, sharing a bottle of

Mad Dog 20/20. They could smell an easy mark and the boy had a habit of attracting their attention. Home safe at last he entered the kitchen. Max kicked off his sodden sneakers. Cycling made him sweaty and then riding downhill froze the damp clothing to his body. He peeled away the bits of clothing and tossed them down the basement stairs, hopefully well out of sight. Opening the fridge door he scanned the contents for prospective prey. A few slices of Bologna rolled into a tube were his first course, consumed as he stood in front of the fridge. His mother hated when he did this. Next he went to the pantry where his quick scan revealed a box of cereal, Cheerios. A large bowl, a few spoons of sugar with lots of milk and the meal was ready. He retired to his room. As he opened the door the pungent smell

of cedar chips mixed with the urine of small animals were immediately noticeable. This was a sharp reminder that he needed to feed his menagerie and clean their homes. Previously he had paid dearly when he became lax in attending to their needs. Allowing the mice to overpopulate and not feeding them properly had caused them to become cannibalistic. They began to devour their colleagues, leaving only remnants of the rib cage and fur. As he shovelled the cereal into his face, he moved around to each cage, adding pet mix to each and scooping out the moist corner they used as a latrine. He knew not to overfeed the hamster as this would only incite him to pack the food into his cheeks and hide it around the hutch where it would rot. He went back into the kitchen and quickly organised things to look as orderly as possible. Previously he had paid dearly for infractions such

as letting the bathroom sink overflow, which had been the cause for a severe belting. She had pushed his head through the plate glass window of the kitchen door for leaving spilt sugar on the table. She was always so nice afterwards. Once he had mentioned finding her correspondence with his father. After the slap for his having mentioned the letters, she had laughed as if they had shared a good joke. He had learned to never mention his father again.

security. At this moment he heard his mother’s Volkswagen entering the driveway accompanied by the sounds of her Chihuahua-terrier going ballistic. Up to this point the dog had remained hidden in his mother’s room; the animal’s high pitched yapping now reaffirmed her imminent arrival. There would be something wrong. There always was.

He fell onto his bed and let out a deep, full sigh. He savoured these moments of solitude, wandering through his day’s activity and then turning them into part of his daydreams. They were his comfort on those frequent nights where he found sleep impossible. He could change the character’s situations as if turning the dial on a television. In this world he ruled all that was around him. There was comfort and

Add your Art Do you have an artwork you want to put out into the world? Well, Togatus is looking for art to feature in upcoming editions, and weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d love to see what youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve got to offer! Please email a high resolution image (or images) of your work to contact@togatus.com.au for your chance to be featured. Make sure to include your name, as well as the title, year and medium of your work.

Owl Series 2015 Jasmine Hull Colour pencil on paper Instagram: @ jashy_chan

The Death of Humour Mark Glidden #opinion

Clive James wrote that “A sense of humour is just common sense, dancing.” How tragic then, in light of this quote, that humour seems to be dying a very swift death. In February, comedian (amongst many other things) Stephen Fry deleted his Twitter account after an avalanche of outrage.

essentially killing humour. People today are remarkably quick to label something with harmless intentions as offensive. Not only does this kill any humour that may have been in the joke, but also any discussion on the merit of the humour itself – not to mention the poor soul who offended them.

The reason for this outrage? Fry had the audacity to joke about the appearance of his friend, costume designer Jenny Beavan, saying that she looked like a “bag lady” at the BAFTAs.

Of course, humour evolves over time, and there are many examples of things which were intended as humorous one hundred years ago which are offensive to modern sensibilities (things like racial caricatures, joking about domestic abuse, etc.).

In his final Tweet, Fry explained his reason for deleting his account: “[People] jump to conclusions and be offended – worse, to be offended on behalf of others they don’t know.”

Similarly, there are things which will never be funny, such as genocide, and which we may all feel justifiably offended if anyone ever attempted to make them so.

This desire to be offended is what is

But if James is right, and humour is

just common sense dancing, then we should all be able to tell if something is intended as a joke - and, if it is not intended to be malicious or harmful, be able to waive our delicate sensibilities in order to share a good laugh. Unfortunately, this lemming-like desire to be offended can go to quite ridiculous lengths. For example, recently a friend and I were engaging in some jokey banter on Facebook (I was taking a satirical position of being an anti-Communist, he was taking a similarly satirical position as a Communist). The banter was soon interrupted by an individual, no doubt with the best of intentions, pointing out that I had once professed to be a Communist. Just ponder the implication of the person’s comment.

It would appear that they were offended that I was joking about something which I had once (apparently) claimed to have been. To clarify, I was being offensive by offending myself in a joke I was making. Where does this climate of walking on the eggshells of offense leave humour? In a very dismal place if modern comedians are to be taken as exemplars of what is funny. The only things acceptable for humour are: 1. Sex (but only your own experience, not your partner’s. Sorry Phyllis Diller). 2. Prejudice (but only if the joke contains a moral lesson. Sorry the existential racial humour of Lenny Bruce and Richard Pryor, and the camp self-effacing humour of Kenneth

Williams and Paul Lynde).

briefly forgotten for having laughed.

3. Drug abuse/alcoholism (again, only with a moral lesson. Sorry Cheech, Chong, and W.C. Fields).

Bob Hope once said “I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost unbearable tears into something bearable, even hopeful.” Hope would know – he headlined USO tours in every major conflict between 1941 and 1991.

4. Gender differences (only if you’re female, but men are allowed to make fun of themselves. Sorry the entire cast of ‘The Golden Girls’ and pretty much every pre-1980s male comedian). 5. Gormless, fatuous “humour” that attacks safe subjects (You know what’s hilarious? Having to feign a smile when someone tells the umpteenth joke about Donald Trump. We get it, the guy’s a moron. Get over it).

But by limiting the scope of humour, coupled with an unwillingness to shed some of the cotton wool we occasionally wrap ourselves in, the laughs will become fewer. And imagine, if you will, what a bleak, maudlin world it will be if we forget to laugh.

Everything else is off-limits as it may (i.e. will) cause offense, which excludes the vast majority of comedians, satirists, and humorists to ever elicit laughter from untold millions of people whose troubles were

Curious about Christianity? Maddie Burrows #opinion

If you were asked to explain what Christianity is all about, how would you begin? Would you be able to explain Christianity from an unbiased perspective? With the constant barrage of horror stories concerning paedophilia, rape, abuse and so on, it’s easy to think negatively about the idea of religion as a whole. But we cannot gain an understanding by listening to the media alone. People often forget that the best way to learn about Christianity is to talk with Christian people, to visit a church, and read the Bible from an investigative perspective. I never wanted to believe what people said. I’ve heard Christians labeled as “war starters,” “sexist rapists,” “anti-gay,” and “anti-feminist,” and this never made sense to me. I just couldn’t understand how a religion purportedly based on love and kindness could cause such commotion and violence. This year I decided to find out the truth for myself. In my opinion, it’s immature to assume anything in life is a certain way, or right or wrong, until you take a step back from your personal views and research from an objective viewpoint . The closest I have got to under-

standing Christianity before now was watching the classic Jesus Christ Superstar, and playing some guy called Dan in a high school choir performance of a song from Joseph and the Technicolour Dream Coat. I’m ashamed to say that before this year, I knew little about the Christian religion beyond the nativity story, and the story of Easter. During O Week I stumbled across the University Fellowship of Christians’ stands. At this stage, I didn’t know anything about the Fellowship, besides the fact they were hosting events. After a barrel, some friends and I decided to go along to a pizza party event they were hosting. We stumbled along, a little intoxicated, and eventually found the church where it was being held. We were welcomed there as though we were old friends. I’ll never forget the experience. We met only a few of the Fellowship members that night, but those we met were lovely. I was surprised by how accommodating the Fellowship were, despite our non-religious backgrounds. I had pictured Christianity as being somewhat exclusive, and difficult to get into if you hadn’t grown up with a church-going family.

“I encourage everyone to be curious.” I couldn’t have been more wrong. The Uni Fellowship is a TUU student society and also a member of the AFES (Australian Fellowship of Evangelical Students). It is a place where people, Christians and non-Christians alike, can learn more about faith, and about how to share the Gospel of Jesus with friends and classmates. I spoke with Fellowship staff member Laura Haines, who is a graduate student from UTas with a Bachelor of Behavioural Sciences and Graduate Diploma of Counselling. I asked her a few questions to get a better understanding of how one can learn about Christianity at university. What sort of events do the fellowship organise? We have a sermon series each semester where anyone can come and hear talks on a certain topic. This semester we have done a series called ‘Beyond Sunday School, Before Hollywood’. Through this series we have taken a closer look at classic Bible stories which have been made into Hollywood movies in the last few years, as well as stories familiar to those who may have attended Sunday School as a child. In addition, the Fellowship run a couple of courses which are an intro-

duction to basic Christian beliefs and the Christian life called Christianity 1A and 1B. These courses are run each semester and can also be run as interest is expressed. These are not UTas units of study, but rather meetings where students who are curious about Christianity can learn in a safe environment.

themselves, as we encourage Christian students to learn about other worldviews too. What better way to really find out what a belief system and worldview is about than going directly to the source, reading for yourself and asking questions of people who hold those beliefs themselves!

How can one get more information about the Fellowship and their activities?

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You can find us on Facebook, all of our events and updates go on our Facebook page. You can also find more information about what we believe, as well as listen to all our past talks which have been recorded on our website ufcutas. org, or you can email us at info@ ufcutas.org with any other questions you might have. Why do you think it’s important to have a fellowship like this at UTas? Why do you think it’s important that the Fellowship provides opportunities for anyone to learn about faith? I think it is important to have a group like the Uni Fellowship on campus at UTas because it encourages students to learn about the Christian faith and the Bible in a way that is at as high a level as their uni studies. While you’re learning about politics, or languages, or medicine, or engineering at uni, why not also stretch your mind in learning about Christianity? Personally, I would encourage anyone to come and check it out for

I came to UTas with high expectations for myself, but never considered this would be the place where I would find faith. When I look back at my new year’s resolutions and goals they were things like; get a gym membership, get my license and save money.

friends, and my boyfriend, are all non-Christians. Knowing that regardless of our different religious beliefs, we can still love each other and support each other has kept me going and encouraged me to love everybody no matter what. I encourage everyone to be curious. I was sceptical of religion, but really I was clueless. Don’t believe all you see in the media, investigate for yourself like I did. I guarantee that things will surprise you.

Regrettably, none of those things have happened as yet… But the things I have achieved have been beyond my imagination. I’ve found God in my life, and finally found contentment in myself. Many important people in my life were sceptical at first when I began learning, but since making the decision to live this way, I’ve had so much support it’s incredible! People I haven’t spoken to in years have sent me encouraging messages and been curious to find out more about my decision. My relationships have, in fact, been strengthened through this decision. I have a small group of close Christian friends, but the majority of my

Procrastination Louise Hedger #feature

We all procrastinate. It’s just one of those things that tends to happen when you are a uni student. Urban Dictionary encompasses the term perfectly: “I’ll put up a definition later.” I decided to write this article because I am what they call a chronic procrastinator. There is a specific way I go about completing an assignment. It goes like this: 1) Oh yay, so excited to research this topic! Better start now. 2) Actually, the fish tank needs a clean so I really should do that first. 3) Now that’s done and the fish are happy, I can get started. Oh the sheets need cleaning too, I may as well while I’m at it. 4) When I finally sit down and research for 15 minutes I give myself a pat on the back. Then bam! “This has been a productive day! It must be time for a snack.” I’m sure you’re familiar with this process, and probably agree when I say it’s the bane of my existence at university. My housemates can be assured that whenever assignment or exam time bombards me, our house will be spotlessly clean. Their clothes are washed and folded, there are freshly made cakes on the bench, and the likelihood that I can tell them the prices of flights to rural Russia this July is pretty damn high. Usually people procrastinate because of a fear of failure or a lack of motivation. According to The Feeling Good Handbook, ‘skill deficits’ is one of the most common reasons people procrastinate. If you lack the skills or the right information, it’s natural to not want to complete them. The key to fixing this is

identifying the problem and working on it in small chunks. This advice does make sense - when you know what a problem is, you can fix it. There are lots of scientific fancy schmancy terms for why people procrastinate, things like temporal discounting and delayed gratification. However, I’m sure you didn’t pick this up to read about those! I am going to give you the bare and basic facts of how you can be more productive (and not submit assignments at 3:59 in a hot mess). There are a myriad of resources available on the Internet for combating this devil, but I know how easy it is so get sidetracked out there in the web world (my procrastination brain likes opinion pieces on The Guardian when I have essays due). Instead, I put it to my social media cohort to determine how they deal with procrastination. A lot of students replied in speedy Gonzales time explaining that they had essays due and that they were writing about how they combat procrastination... whilst procrastinating. So, at least I’m not alone. The results ranged from the quirky “covering your desk with food” to the plain and simple “determination.” Here’s the list of results in no particular order: 1. Delete social media, I mean all of it: Facebook, Snapchat, Instagram, Twitter, Tinder, Grindr, or YouTube. However, there is one app that I thoroughly recommend downloading: Pomodoro. You add a list of tasks to be completed and how

long you want to spend on them and it acts as a timer. It structures your work, which is effective in the long run, and gives your a brain a boost in productivity when you start again. Simple Blocker is also great for when you just need to block some sites like Facebook. It blocks them for as long as you need to focus at a time 2. Bring your lunch and coffee to uni so you don’t have to waste time buying food or getting caught up with your old next door neighbor. A break every now and then is fine, but spending 45 minutes in a line at Lazenbys is slightly excessive… 3. Take time to be organised – plan out your week from each Sunday so you have some structure. Ticking off a list from a daily, weekly, or semester planner is the best way to keep the ball rolling and feel oh so efficient. 4. Don’t always focus on the big things – like a 3,500 word essay – look at it in bite size chunks… Don’t overwhelm yourself! If you can allow yourself two hours a day to work on a major essay it will take the stress out out of the night before. 5. Plan your procrastination… in other words, plan your breaks. Some people recommend 20-minute bursts of work and then a 10 minute break, others recommend 45 and then a 15 minute break. Do whatever works for you but remember that breaks are super important. Go for a walk around the block or if it’s raining, watch the Tim Urban TED talk ‘inside the mind of a mas-

ter procrastinator.’ It’s brilliant! Once your brain has had a break it will be rearing to keep going. 6. Get your friends to do all your work… 7. Have a dedicated study space. Somewhere where your brain is trained to focus and work hard. A desk at home or a spot in the library is ideal. 8. Set small goals and stick to them, this works best with breaking tasks down in small chunks. 9. Know your subject. Dedicating time to research is super important. Otherwise it is easy to fall into the ‘research trap’ and spend all your time researching and not writing! 10. Ensure you understand the exact task required of you. Take time to understand materials and break down the task to save getting to submission time and realizing you haven’t actually answered the question. 11. Prepare a big jug of coffee and keep it next to you at all times. 12. Make a list of reasons why you want to achieve the goal – reinforcing these will help minimise indecision. Now that you’ve nailed all these points, reward yourself. Enjoying the process of achieving something makes it so much easier – productivity feels great once you’re on a roll!

Neo April Cuison

Antebellum

You stand, you wait, in front of Death’s door.

You are devoid of hope. The thought comes suddenly, like a bullet. Such a simple sentence has manifested itself into a grey cloud, looming over the corners of your thoughts, waiting for the right opportunity to finally engulf you into darkness. But this thought is unnecessary. You already know that. For ten months you have been devoid of hope. Why do you need reminding now? You have accepted that you will never see the outside world ever again. You have accepted that until your final breath, you will stay in this hollow cell. You will be continuously investigated, poked and probed under their magnifying lenses. Until you die, you will remain a specimen; one of the mere pawns in the great game of Science. Perhaps, just perhaps, you need reminding because your inevitable end is near. &&& No, it is not near; it is happening now. You have no time to react. Before you are able to fully comprehend the situation, you find your hands cuffed behind your back. With brute force you are dragged out of your cell, and for a few moments you are reminded once again that you are nothing to them but a lump of drugged up flesh and meat. The hallway you are being hauled across has a gloomier atmosphere than usual. The dirt and grime on the walls appear to contort themselves into various shapes: a skull, a hand, a dagger, a foetus. Oddly, these figures emanate sympathy, inviting violent chills up and down your spine. Within these figures, you see scenery that you’ve not seen for so long, they might as well be foreign. Is that cityscape you see in a figure? Or perhaps just organised rows of grime? You blink, in hopes of seeing them clearer but you see nothing but splotches sporadically slapped across the walls. After what seems to be an eternity, you are finally led before a room. In front of you is a set of metal double doors that look so horribly out of place. It is too sleek, too shiny, like a small speck of diamond in a murky pond. Your companion releases your arm, revealing a long bruise. You touch the blotch of purple and blue, and you feel no pain. This saddens you. You are not only devoid of hope, but you are also devoid of your senses. The double doors open silently. They reveal a room, its light blinding you. You lower your head as your companion ushers you to enter. You nod as you step towards the room. Protesting is futile. You let out a soft sigh, signaling your defeat. For what lies beyond these doors is your impending doom.

Interlude

Memento mori. It has been three days since her death was announced in the institution. Reactions are mixed; a few think that her death during this experiment was inevitable; there is only so much torment one’s body can endure. A few believe she is better off dead anyway. Her body was in such a horrifying state, she should not have been considered a subject suitable for a pilot experiment. We all ponder on why our longest-surviving specimen had to die now, during the peak of our success. Currently she is suspended within a glass cylinder in a room full of specimens who share the same fate as her. She looks peaceful, as if her soul now is in a much better place. I for one hope that this is so. She has served us well and she will be missed. diary of Sean Losetta, Head Scientist

February 1

Perbellum

A war wages within you. Which side are you on?

Really now. You look around for the source, but you see nothing but darkness. The phrase repeats itself, and again, and again. It’s as if an audience is screaming at you, its volume increasing each second that passes. You clamp your head between your hands, trying oh so desperately to ignore everything. Your efforts are fruitless. You feel as if the sounds are coming from within your mind. You close your eyes, and chant to yourself. Go away. Go away. Go away. It suddenly stops. You open one eye, then another. What you see, startles, no, scares you. For what you are seeing now appears to be an apparition of yourself. The apparition has extremely pallid skin, almost white. You merely stare. Red, glaring eyes stare back at you. An expression of mockery is painted on her face. A faint glow emanates from the figure and you wonder if you are merely being toyed with by your imagination Imagination? You are dead, are you not? Surely this is not what happens when you die. One does not simply stand in the middle of nothingness, accompanied by a product of your imagination. If this is what death is, you would rather continue to bear your torturous life. Don’t look so confused. You created me. Arrogance fills her tone. The sneer remains, but the glaring eyes soften. Her eyes do not show anger, they show pity, a pity you clearly do not deserve. Taken aback, you reply. I created you? The apparition begins to walk around you in circles. Even in the afterlife you are a specimen. You follow her tracks, impatiently waiting for an answer. After a short, tense silence, she replies. Let’s just say that if we were the yin and yang, I am the yin. Memories suddenly come crashing to you. The memories when your endless cries for help were left unanswered. The memories when you struggled as they sedated you. Once you accepted your fate, you suppressed those feelings of hatred, anguish and suffering. Ironically enough, it is your death that brought these emotions to life. They contorted themselves to create a second you. You lock eyes with your apparition. You feel a void inside yourself, the void she belonged in. You have lost your darkness. Now you want it back. The apparition snorts. We share the same face, the same body. But we are two different minds. You cannot have me back. You will not have me back. &&& The sound of a glass breaking echoes across the room, catching the attention of a few scientists in the area. A cylinder is broken; the specimen that was once there is nowhere to be found. The red alarm is raised, effectively putting the area in lockdown. Everyone is in a panic, some because they do not know, and some because do know. After all, you just rose from the dead. You confine yourself in an air ventilation shaft. You cradle the arm you used to break through the glass cage. Don’t you find it funny that you only feel a bit ticklish? After all, your arm is like a grotesque work of art; glass shards stabbed into it in strange angles, blood flowing out from every open wound. Your face has a peculiar look. Your soft, red eyes are full of happiness and relief while your lips curl to a derisive smirk

How to… Decorate on a Shoestring Daisy Baker #howtoadult

This is one for the seasoned Kmart hackers, you know who you are. You veer towards the homewares section, you like to customise and are impartial to the odd crafternoon but you aren’t exactly rolling in cash. So here are two projects for you, my fellow crafters, to help you decorate your home on a shoestring budget: Doily Lampshade I love these doily lampshades because they are cheap, easy to make and the final product is really nice. You will need a balloon, inflated to the desired size of your lampshade and lace doilies, which can be picked up from the op-shop for a few dollars or you can crochet your own if you’re feeling really crafty. Firstly, you need to cover the balloon in petroleum jelly so it can be easily removed from the doilies at the end. Then in a plastic bowl, mix some liquid craft glue, one tablespoon of plain flour and two tablespoons of water. The next bit is easier if you place the balloon in a bowl so it doesn’t move around too much. Line up the centre of your largest doily with the top of the balloon and then use a paintbrush to cover it evenly with glue. Take your next doily and slightly overlap its edge with the first and cover with glue. Repeat this process until the balloon is covered, leaving a small space at the bottom for the light kit. Leave until the glue is completely dry and then pop the balloon and remove through the space at the bottom. Insert a light kit and either fix to a lampstand or to the ceiling.

Upcycling Jars Old jars can be reused for so many things – the possibilities only end where your imagination does. They can be great organisers in the bathroom to hold cotton balls, cotton tips and makeup brushes. Try super gluing figurines to a painted lid, to create a series of matching jars. Alternatively, you can drill holes in the lid to make the jar into a toothbrush holder. Jars can also be turned into great little terrariums, vases or tea light candle holders, which can be customised with paint or ribbons. You can hit up Pinterest for more inspiration or head to YouTube for tutorials.

Asta Inter-Review Zoe Cooney #music

INTER... How would you describe the sound and style of your music? My music started off with an acoustic guitar and a beat and now has evolved into an electro – pop – indie – soul explosion. I love creating uplifting music people can dance to and feel good inside, you know?

pretty well but it still surprises me sometimes!

Do you have any plans for a fulllength album anytime soon?

What advice would you give to young musicians, especially in smaller states such as Tasmania?

Yes, but who knows how long the process is going to take! You can hear most of the demos on my snapchat these days. I love hearing what people are vibing!

Travel a little and find a producer who you really click with. They are the oven to your pie, so very important!

What types of things inspire/influence your music?

What is your favourite thing about playing live and touring?

My inspiration comes from many random things, like a book I’m reading or a little melody I’m humming. Titles usually come first for me. I have a few thousand in my iphone notes!

Singing to people and feeling fearless. When I sing it makes me feel happy and I feel like my fans get that so it makes them happy too.

Did you always know you wanted to be a musician? Definitely, I think I had a microphone in my hand when I was still in mum’s belly [sic]. I couldn’t stop singing as a kid and always dress up in costumes and would watch this River Dancing video like every day! You have an amazing voice, with an impressive range. Do you have, or have you ever had singing lessons, or is it something that you have always been able to do and maintain by yourself? I recently got singing lessons to look after my voice because I was noticing it was getting a pretty big work out on the road. I had no idea I had a high range until I started doing vocal warm ups. I know my voice

Photo by Little K Photography

Do you have a favourite song to play live? I have to say Dynamite. It’s such a jam and everyone gets so into it. It get’s [sic] my sass on pretty hard! What is your favourite thing about playing live in your home state of Tasmania? It reminds me where I’ve come from and what I can keep improving on. Seeing the same faces is very nostalgic. What is your relationship like with your fans? I like to think it’s really strong. They let me be me and that’s really important. I don’t hide a lot. I’m just an op shopping, cat loving, tea drinking gal. I am definitely not perfect and I don’t strive to be.

How did you feel when you found out you would be opening for Ellie Goulding on her Australian tour? It was like crap, when can we rehearse? What am I going to wear!? Breathe. Breathe… [sic] If you could meet or play a show with any artist or band, who would it be and why? I love collaborating with others. I don’t really want to meet my idols. I have done it in the past and just embarrassed myself. Like interrupting Grimes as she was ordering dinner on the street a few weeks ago. I blushed so hard! Would love to do an all girls group thing with Montaigne and East. That could be very cool. If you could learn to play any musical instrument, what would it be? Piano! I’m taking lessons at the moment actually. It’s such a beautiful instrument. I just want to be able to rip out an Adele track one day ‘HELOOOOOO FROM THE OTHER SIDE!!!!’

Your Snapchat game is pretty strong! What is your favourite face-altering filter? Snapchat is where you will find me! I love snapping fans and being a weirdo. Filters always change but my all time favourite would have to be face swap. Guaranteed laughs! It’s so wrong.. What is your favourite thing about Tasmania? The wildlife! ...REVIEW The Republic Bar was bursting with energy on a Friday night in April as Tasmania’s very own pop sensation, Asta, took to the stage for the Hobart leg of her Wild Emotions Tour. The crowd loosened up to Whitney Houston’s I Wanna Dance With Somebody coming through the speakers, as the band members found their places on stage. A fitting song choice, since Asta had covered the song for Triple J’s Like A Version last year. Asta appeared as the song faded away. Smiling and bubbly, she took hold of her microphone, decorated with a star made of fairy lights, and opened the set with her 2012 hit My Heart Is On Fire. The set included old and new songs, which highlighted the diversity of her music. Some songs were funky, some pop influenced, some had an 80’s disco vibe and some were smooth, sexy and a little on the darker side. This mixture of influences makes Asta’s music refreshing. She is creat-

ing dance music that is fun, colourful, youthful and so much deeper, both musically and emotionally, than a lot of the dance music on the radio. Asta is a real woman, with a very real and powerful voice. It is obvious from watching Asta perform that she absolutely loves what she does. It is pretty difficult to take your eyes off her. Her killer dance moves, big smile and constant interaction with the audience creates an amazing and energetic stage presence that only the best live performers can master. Asta’s impressive voice is really highlighted in her more recent songs. She can seamlessly switch between her smooth and jazzy lower register, to her powerful belt, all the way up to amazing high notes, reminiscent of Mariah Carey, which she showcased during a vocal solo in a hard hitting and broken down remix of Escape. Audience members exchanged looks, astonished at how high these notes were. The fact Asta can pull off the high notes after exerting so much energy singing and dancing shows her immense skills as a vocalist – both recorded and live. Asta chose the perfect cover for the middle of her set; Sweet Dreams by The Eurythmics. It is great when artists include covers in their sets. It gives the audience a chance to hear how the artist was influenced, and what they enjoy listening to. Not only did Asta’s voice suit the song to a tee, the dark 80’s groove is recognisable throughout her music. Her 2015 hit Dynamite went off. The crowd jumped, danced and sang at the top of their lungs as an evident sense of joy coursed through

them. And just when everyone thought this Tassie girl could not get any cooler, she rapped the second verse, originally performed by Australian rapper, Allday. Asta’s final song was her latest release Wild Emotions, and as it began she decided to join the audience on the dance floor and dance with everyone. Very similar to Dynamite, the energy of this track is happy and colourful. At this point of the night, no one in the Republic Bar was standing still. As the final notes were played, something very special happened. Asta looked into the audience and said she did not want to stop. Everyone cheered because it seemed they did not want her to stop either. The guitarist and keyboard player began playing the chords to their acoustic version of Whitney Houston’s I Wanna Dance With Somebody, and just like that, the show had a perfectly linked introduction and conclusion. The audience swayed and sang along; partners, friends and strangers all together. It was not so much about Asta anymore; it was more about a collective sense of love and pure happiness in the room at that very moment that left everyone beaming as the final chords were played. If the opportunity to see Asta live is ever on the cards, go and see her. You will hear some excellent music, have a dance, a sing, and you will be supporting a very talented Tasmanian who is following her dreams and achieving amazing things. I guarantee you will leave feeling happy and with a smile on your face.

Victoria Dance Festival 2016 - Warrnambool Maddie Burrows #report

“The festival aimed to provide access to the highest quality of choreographers and instructors to Australian dancers of all abilities.” Welcome to Warrnambool, capital of the Great Ocean Road and home of the Victoria Dance Festival. In April this year, over 2000 dancers from across Australia, and from all disciplines, headed to the regional town for a weekend of workshops and performances. More than fifteen dance professionals from around the world came to share their knowledge and teach keen dancers. The festival aimed to provide access to the highest quality of choreographers and instructors to Australian dancers of all abilities. The festival caters for all dance enthusiasts and welcomed participants from all over the country and abroad. Under the Artistic Direction of choreographer Paul Malek, the Victorian Dance Festival unites the dance community with the very best that Australia has to offer.

the Great Ocean Road, stopping to see the Twelve Apostles rock formations and other sites along the way. We had a wonderful time at the festival, and thoroughly enjoyed meeting all the choreographers. Some of our favourites were So You Think You Can Dance choreographer, Stephen Tannos, and Step Up movie star, Kathryn Maccormick. At the prestigious Victorian Dance Festival we experienced an inspirational line up of Australia’s most influential Choreographers, Technicians and Dance Educators across a multitude of platforms. It was an experience that will never be forgotten. Photos overleaf by Maddie Burrows.

I was lucky enough to attend the festival with a group of over thirty fellow dance students, and a few encouraging teachers and parents from Hobart’s Encore Dance and Theatre School. We flew to Melbourne then hired a bus for the three hour bus ride to Warrnambool to attend the festival. Encore was the only Tasmanian dance school to participate in the festival. The Tassie team had an exciting road trip along

Melancholia Andrew Grey #creative

“You need to be ready, things will move quickly,” “How quickly?” “72 days,” came a voice behind the desk. In a room lit only by the fire in the corner, two people talked about the days to come. To one the future was simple, to the other it was a harsh reality that frightened him. The head belonging to the voice behind the desk tilted his head, looking at the portrait near the fire. “Do you want to know what was going through my head when I was sitting for that portrait?” said the voice, pointing to the portrait. “Of course,” “I had won my second election,” the voice behind the desk said, standing. “I made a promise to the Australian people that if I was to win the election a second time I would make Australia a republic. With a majority in both houses I did what I had to do. Of course I did it because I prefer the word President to Prime Minister. President Alexander Grey. Commands more power.” Alexander slithered over to the por-

trait, a smiling young man with black hair. The 65-year-old man smiled back. “I was 35 when I became Prime Minister, backstabbed many to get there. The Francis Underwood of Australian politics they called me. Six years as Prime Minister should have been enough, I achieved everything I wanted to do, I got people into jobs, I fixed the economy, I fixed education, and I implemented a new carbon tax. I even dismantled the power of the Church on Australian soil. “Being president was easy. I won my third election, the first as President, with a loss of a few seats, but still with a majority. Every election after that was a piece of cake, I implemented policy so intertwined that proposed changes were easy to oppose. I was a god.” The sound of a faint piano medley came through the door. He looked at the light coming from underneath, knowing that his wife would soon appear. Turning to face the body still seated, he said: “I had Donald Trump assassinated because I could. Anyway, you will have 72 days. Make sure you win the election.” Alexander showed the presiden-

tial hopeful out, walking silently through the house of lies, knowing that they would never see each other again. The piano wafted through the hallway, beckoning the President to follow. He did, right into the kitchen where his wife sat at the bench in the centre, a glass of wine in one hand, her own will in another. “Are you ready?” Alexander said has he poured himself a glass of red. “Of course,” his wife said. Alexander poured a glass of Screaming Eagle Cabernet Sauvignon and looked through his will that his wife had laid on the bench. In silence, they looked, making sure that all was in order. Occasionally she looked at him, he looked at her, smiling and feeling content. Another glass, more reading, until Alexander signed his will and pushed it to the side. His wife did the same. “I laid out the suit you wore when you were sworn in as President, the Valentino,” she said. “Thank you, my dear Heather,” he said. Taking his hand, Heather led Alexander to the bedroom, where he looked over the suit. He undressed,

Heather folded his old clothes and sat them on the end of the bed. Neither said a word, they hardly did for they knew what each other were thinking before the other would begin to speak. “You don’t need to do this,” Alexander said. “I know, but I want to,” replied Heather, kissing Alexander gently. Knowing that Heather would not change her mind, Alexander reached for his tie. Heather grabbed the tie and began to put it on him. Looking into each other’s eyes, they knew that a world did not exist without the other. Forty years of marriage and they knew it was their time. Alexander and Heather were ready.

kissing her on the cheek. The record ended and started again. They danced. Time began to fade away. After a while Alexander and Heather stopped dancing. Sitting in the great armchair behind his desk, Alexander took out a knife. Heather sat on his lap, and in the moment between the past and the future, they stopped. “I love you,” “I love you too,” In one quick motion, Alexander slit Heather’s throat, blood covering both their bodies, and then slit his own. The last part of their world they could be a part of was the sound of Melancholia. The record spun and spun as their world faded to black.

Walking through the hallway, they talked about everything they had achieved. Arriving at the study, Alexander put on a single 7” record, Melancholia. Heather smiled as Alexander grabbed her by the waist. They started to dance. “We haven’t danced to this in 20 years,” Heather said. “We never danced to it like we did at our wedding,” Alexander replied,