SEPTEMBER 2023
READING INTO IT
MAGAZINE
LAUREL SETSER IS AS EXCITED AS EVER ABOUT HER LONGTIME AVONWASHINGTON TOWNSHIP LIBRARY DIRECTOR ROLE
TIES THAT BIND IndyBlended Helps to Strengthen Marriages and Stepfamilies
WORLD WONDERS Hendricks County International Festival Focuses on Cultural Enrichment
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7 READING INTO IT Laurel Setser Is as Excited as Ever About Her Longtime Avon-Washington Township Library Director Role
14 TIES THAT BIND IndyBlended Helps to Strengthen Marriages and Stepfamilies
28
HEART SCANS Who Should Get One?
30
HE’S A CATCH Warren Central Grad Julius “JuJu” Brents Eagerly Anticipating First Season With the Colts
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WORLD WONDERS Hendricks County International Festival Focuses on Cultural Enrichment
24 ANIMAL NATURE Appreciating Our Pets and Other Animals of the World
32
THE 2023 NATIONAL NIGHT OUT WAS HELD THIS YEAR AT AVON HIGH SCHOOL & WAS A HUGE HIT WITH THE COMMUNITY
35
BACK FROM THE BRINK AND ONTO THE LINKS Hendricks County Man Overcomes Addiction to Become a Golf Pro
KEY CONTRIBUTORS
READING INTO IT
LAUREL SETSER IS AS EXCITED AS EVER ABOUT HER LONGTIME AVON-WASHINGTON TOWNSHIP LIBRARY DIRECTOR ROLE
One might imagine that a job at the library simply consists of reading books all day and shushing loud patrons. However, Laurel Setser, who has been the Avon-Washington Township Library director for 30 years now, says that could not be further from the truth.
“There are never two days that are the same,” Setser says. “We laugh when people say they want to work here because you just can’t imagine all the stories we have. We keep saying we need to write some of this down.”
While Setser loves books, she loves organizing information and providing resources to the public just as much.
Her interest in the library started at a very young age.
“I’m a nosy kid from a small town, so this is a great fit for me,” Setser says.
In high school she got a job as a page, shelving books at the Plainfield library, and then got her undergraduate degree at a small liberal arts college in Colorado. She earned her Master of Library Science degree from Indiana University, where she took a class taught by the director of what was Washington Township Library at the time.
This connection led Setser to apply for her first job in Hendricks County. She began her career in 1989 as a reference librarian at Washington Township Library. She was hired as a library director in January of 1993, and served as acting director from September 1992 to January 1993.
“I agonized over whether to apply because I didn’t have a lot of experience, but I was born and raised here,” she says. “I understood the community, the staff and the patrons. No one else from here applied. I was a Hendricks County girl and that’s what sold them on me.”
The past 30 years have been nothing short of amazing, Setser says. The community itself has grown exponentially. In fact, when she began her career, the Washington Township census was 15,000. In 2000 it was 24,000, and close to 57,000 in 2020. Growing and changing has been an essential part of the library as a continuous resource for the community.
One significant way the library has grown is through technology and automation. Setser remembers when the library didn’t open until 10 a.m., and staff had to arrive at 9 a.m. to retrieve books from the book drop. In fact, as the community grew, some staff had to come in on Sundays to empty the drop because there were so many books.
The new automated system includes seven bins. As books are scanned into the drop, they are automatically organized into bins, making shelving much easier. This reduces the amount of mistakes made, and books get placed on the correct shelves.
Another area of change Setser has noticed over the years is the increasing amount of homelessness and mental health issues they deal with at the library. As a free space with Wi-Fi, it can attract those who have no place else to go.
“Typically if they don’t hassle us, we don’t hassle them,” Setser says. “It’s just an issue we’re dealing with a lot more here. “
Indiana has also privatized a lot of child protection supervisory work, so the library is often the location of many supervised visits in child protection cases.
“In all these instances we’re trying to deal with the human element, and the technology element that changes every time you pick up a journal,” Setser says.
Keeping up with changing technology, policies, financial statements and all the details that go along with being the library director can be tedious. Setser loves to take a break and go out on the floor, particularly to interact with kids.
“We’ve watched so many of them grow up,” Setser says. “That’s why COVID was so hard on us. We have Bouncy
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Babies, Toddlers and Preschool classes. We lost a whole cycle of that.”
Setser isn’t the stereotypical librarian who craves the quiet. As a child she went to a library that was dark with a (as she puts it) “shushy lady at the desk” and books from the 1930s. Setser is determined to make sure her library isn’t that way.
“I love hearing their voices, shrieking with happiness, making a racket,” she says. “I get so excited when they collapse when it’s time to leave. I feel bad for their parents, but I love that they love it here so much.”
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One of Setser’s favorite library programs is the Summer Reading program. Kids can log pages and books read online for prizes all summer long. There are many programs for everyone, kids and adults alike.
In fact, the library offers a lot of information that people in the community may not know about, such as digitized artifacts, land deeds and
minutes from social organizations. The library can help people access resources so they have what they need to do their taxes. Group and independent study rooms make community projects and group meetings even more accessible.
One of the most challenging aspects of running the library for Setser is the legislation that sometimes governs how her staff can run the library.
“We are not masters of our own destiny,” Setser says. “Tax caps are rough out here but we try and roll with it. We tend not to get too down about things, and do what we can.”
In her free time, Setser is very active at her local church. She also loves to spend time on the acreage she shares with her husband. She works in her flower beds, cooks, and sometimes even chases the occasional cow that figures out how to get through her fence.
“We always seem to have a cowtastrophe every year on our anniversary,” Setser says, laughing.
The last 30 years have passed quickly for Setser, and the library has seen many changes.
“We have done five building projects in my time here,” she says. “I don’t even remember what it used to look like. We’ve added things to make our job more efficient and cost-effective.”
Setser wants people to know that her library isn’t a stereotypical library. They should come explore all that it has to offer.
“Don’t think of us as a dark place with old books and the shushy lady,” Setser says. “Think of it as a way to get to any resource you need to get to, whether it’s programming, a book, research, etcetera. We can hook you up with all of that. We want to steer you to the best information we possibly can.”
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The 33,000 sq. ft. Hendricks County 4-H Conference Center offers great flexibility and versitility for your next meeting, seminar, banquet, or wedding reception
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• 24’ x 36’ stage
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• Easy load-in areas with overhead door
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TIES THAT BIND
INDYBLENDED HELPS TO STRENGTHEN MARRIAGES AND STEPFAMILIES
Mark and Jennifer Strege first met in a grief group in 2004 after experiencing unspeakable tragedies in their lives. Now, almost 20 years later, they share their story of healing and redemption by supporting stepfamilies in the Indianapolis area through workshops and counseling, with their nonprofit agency called IndyBlended, Inc.
IndyBlended’s mission is to cultivate community among blended families, share practical strategies for strengthening stepfamilies, and provide information that would otherwise have to be learned through years of painful trial and error.
“Seventy percent of remarriages with kids fail within two to three years,” Mark says. “We want to help couples get through that and know there’s a long-term payoff. We want them to know their struggles
are typical, and that they’re not the only ones experiencing it. They aren’t dysfunctional.”
Forty percent of families are blended, which means the family consists of a couple and children from the current and previous relationships. One-third of all marriages are remarriages. Even with these numbers, there are no organized, community-based or churchbased support organizations in Indiana.
IndyBlended, Inc. was created to fill this gap.
Mark and Jennifer teach from their own years of experience and research. They want people to know they are not alone. While their 501(c)(3) nonprofit organization was formed last fall, the couple has spent months researching and putting together material for their workshops, created out of their own painful trials.
In 2004 Jennifer’s husband at the time was struggling with severe depression and decided to take his life, leaving Jennifer behind with their 5-year-old daughter. That same year, Mark’s wife at the time was driving with their three small children, lost control of her car and collided with a pickup truck. His wife and 10-year-old daughter did not survive.
Jennifer and Mark found themselves clinging to hope in a grief group,
supporting each other as friends who endured something most people couldn’t imagine. Jennifer admired Mark for his tenacious faith, and when they began to date, they had a very positive outlook on potentially bringing both families together.
Eventually they married. What they
thought would be fitting together simple puzzle pieces turned out to be much more complicated.
“Our outlook was very positive and we had almost no fear,” Jennifer says. “I thought it’d be great because God was with us, and I knew we’d work really hard.”
Mark was reading a book about stepfamilies at the time, and the book stated that it took seven years for the average stepfamily to come together.
“I was like, ‘My God is not a God of statistics. It will not take us seven years. It will take us seven days,’” Jennifer says. “In reality it took us more like 12 years. We want to now share from our experiences and insights from experts, to help other stepfamilies advance in their relationships much more quickly.”
There was so much at play in bringing their families together that Mark and Jennifer felt almost blindsided. They realized they hadn’t considered their kids’ perspectives.
“The kids were outliers,” Jennifer says. “They said, ‘We did not choose this.’ We had a lot of grief coming in from all different personalities.”
She admits their first flaw was not considering their kids’ personalities, birth orders and individual grief. In fact, she had been wanting to have another child with Mark, but their struggles made her think twice. One month later, she found out she was pregnant with a daughter. This child became a glue that helped to bring the family together, but it still took years.
“It’s all very typical,” Mark says. “When stepfamilies are remarried, kids have their own journey of recovery through brokenness or grief that’s happened. Typically spouses are the ones moving ahead, and kids have to be cared for so they’re not left behind. We cover that in our stepfamily workshop.”
Mark feels the need for stepfamily support is tremendous. He says churches tend to avoid the topic due to the stigma of divorce, and many counseling agencies are not trained in the stepfamily dynamic. He says many topics are covered about marriage and parenting, but typically from the biological perspective.
Workshop topics include stepfamily
parenting, stages of stepfamily development, priorities of a healthy remarriage, co-parenting, and parenting with emotional intelligence, to name a few. Their workshops also offer smallgroup time, led by couples who have experienced the unique challenges of having a blended family.
Jennifer and Mark lean heavily on their faith but don’t push it at their workshops.
“God has done such incredible work through this process, and personally we’ve seen him so close to us through this,” Mark says. “We share a little bit of our faith through the workshop, but we don’t hit people over the head with it. God shows up and that makes it all worth it. There are things as humans we can’t control. He loves us, and has a plan and purpose for each of our lives.”
Mark and Jennifer intentionally made the workshops affordable, with each
workshop lasting 10 hours throughout a day and a half, at a cost of only $30, which includes everything.
“It represents over four months of intensive stepfamily therapy,” Mark says. “It can help take the place of years of doing trial-and-error of stepfamily living. The value is tremendous. Women will often recognize the value quicker than men, but I like to speak to the guys and say this is worth it.”
Their main message is hope. The couple has persevered through so much, and they experience the richness of a blended family now. They want to share all they’ve learned to support other families and help them do the same.
“Growing up as part of a stepfamily, I know that divorce isn’t an end,” Jennifer says. “God redeems everything. We didn’t have divorce as part of our current family story, but everyone can begin again with hope.”
They’ve presented pilot workshops, and will host their first weekend workshops in August and November. Registration is open and can be found at indyblended. com.
At workshops, attendees work on a stepfamily action plan, and have a mentor couple to contact for the times when they need extra support for ongoing connection. Mark and Jennifer want stepfamilies to know they aren’t alone in their struggles, they aren’t dysfunctional, and they can have a thriving family life.
“We just want people to have hope,” Jennifer says. “We want people to know they’re not alone, there’s support, there’s encouragement and there’s help. You can stick with it. It will be a beautiful thing in the end.”
Go
WORLD WONDERS
HENDRICKS COUNTY INTERNATIONAL FESTIVAL FOCUSES ON CULTURAL ENRICHMENT
Writer / Stephanie SinghPhotography Provided
Indiana’s third season of the year is known to bring us fall foliage, pumpkins, apple cider, hayrides and football. In Hendricks County, fall is also the time to celebrate our cultural differences. On the first Saturday in October, the Hendricks County International Festival (HCIF) brings people together to celebrate and explore cultures from around the world through dance, food and conversation. This year, the HCIF is relocating to a county staple, The Shops at Perry Crossing, bringing new energy to the event. The fourth annual HCIF is a free, family-friendly event, lasting from 11 a.m. until 3 p.m.
The rich colors, the unique sounds and the tasty cuisines are what bring us all together. In an effort to break down the barriers around our differences, event organizers are putting a special emphasis on food this year. Over 10 different food vendors will be present offering cuisines from around the world. While grabbing a bite to eat, patrons will have the opportunity to set up lawn chairs to view dance performances from India, Africa, Japan and other regions around the world.
Some of the most educational aspects of the festival are the cultural exhibit booths, ranging from henna tattoos to living-room setups encouraging attendees to really step in the shoes of
those from other cultures.
Farah Effendi, an HCIF exhibitor, praises the mission of the last year’s festival. Effendi felt so moved by the event, she has since joined the planning committee. Farah, having had some negative experiences due to her race in the community, says this event shows how far we’ve come as a county. “Seeing this [event], having the International Festival - Islamic, Pakistan, all these different cultures, and the different dances from other countries - this is a huge step for this community,” Effendi says.
Farah is not alone. The sense of pride this event brings to the residents and visitors of Hendricks County radiates on that first Saturday in October. While we are celebrating our differences, we are sharing our similarities at the same time.
As the community grows, the diversity within it does as well. The HCIF planning
committee is intentional in looking for other cultures to spotlight during the four-hour event. New this year will be presence from Bangladesh, Peru and China. The Chinese lion dance, which is a form of traditional dance in Chinese culture in which performers mimic a lion’s movements in a lion costume to bring good luck and fortune, will move throughout the festival.
Festivalgoers will have plenty of opportunities to participate in different activities as well, including Chinese lantern painting, making their mark with “hands around the world,” and painting in the park, all focused on cultural enrichment.
Mark your calendars! Also, it is not too late to participate as a sponsor, vendor or volunteer. Visit hcinternationalfestival.com to learn how to support the HCIF mission.
ACHIEVING GOALS ON & OFF THE FIELD
For a better us.®
The YMCA teaches kids more than just sports skills. We teach confidence and character-building.
ANIMAL NATURE
APPRECIATING OUR PETS AND OTHER ANIMALS OF THE WORLD
Writer / Tara Dorsett Photography providedWhen I was 9 years old, my fourth-grade teacher gave my class a writing assignment. We had to answer the question, “What would you do with a million dollars and why?” While my classmates were scribbling about the houses and cars they would buy, and the places they would visit, I wrote one sentence: “I would buy a zoo and make sure everyone could afford to visit as much as they wanted so they could learn about animals.” While my originality impressed my teacher, he still wanted a full-page essay. Here is that essay from a slightly more grown-up perspective.
Whether you believe Darwin’s theory or the Genesis account of life, there is one fact they both agree on - animals existed before humans. There must be a reason for that, but I will leave that up to you to find out. Throughout the centuries, animals have played a prominent role in history. Horses carried settlers and explorers across the country. Cattle and sheep provided food and helped clear the land. Cats and ferrets controlled the rodent population on ships. Pigeons carried messages. Dogs patrolled land and guarded livestock.
While we view animals a little differently today, they still have an important role to play in our lives. They provide help, companionship and entrainment. Even wild animals contribute to our welfare. Raccoons are natural gardeners. They till the land with their long claws as they search for rodents and worms. Possums and birds eat bugs that destroy crops and spread disease. Trees grow from nuts and seeds that are buried and forgotten by squirrels. Animals can make us laugh with amusement or sigh with frustration, but life will never be dull with animals around. Life is less lonely and more complete with animals beside us.
I believe people fall into three categories when you mention animals - they dislike all living creatures, they like their own pets and tolerate other critters for short periods of time, or they love critters of all kinds and can be particularly obsessed with their own pets.
For the people who dislike the animal world, I will only say that I believe you are missing out on a great part of life.
To the people who like their own pets and extend a certain amount of tolerance to others, you are off to a good start and balance out the third group.
For the people in the third group, I applaud your crazy obsession with all things furred, finned, feathered and scaled.
Whatever group you fall into, take some time to learn about the nonhuman beings around you. Walk through a park, read a book, add a feeder to your yard, watch a documentary. Maybe your opinion of animals will change and grow.
Someday, when my zoo expands beyond dogs, cats, ferrets, birds, fish, rabbits, lizards, tortoises, goats, pigs, raccoons, skunks and possums, I hope you will visit often.
Fall inLove
SCAN TO BOOK
THERE’S NOTHING LIKE FALL IN OUR LITTLE CORNER OF THE WORLD. BECAUSE THERE’S SOMETHING FOR EVERYONE.
Go for a hayride and pick a pumpkin; have some laughs on a surrey cart ride; saddle up for a trail ride; explore the archery and sporting clays range; get your kicks at FootGolf; maybe even squeeze in some pool time while the warm weather lasts.
Your whole crew will fall in love with all there is to experience here this season.
HEART SCANS:
Anyone who is overweight, smokes or has high blood pressure could be at risk for heart disease. Patients can find out their risk with a heart or vascular scan. They are convenient, simple, and can help detect heart disease before it becomes a problem.
WHO COULD BENEFIT FROM A HEART SCAN?
To be eligible for a heart scan, you must not have had one within the last five years, and must be 40 to 79 years of age with one of several risk factors. If you have a family history of heart-related issues, your risk may be higher. Almost one-third of coronary heart disease deaths are attributed to smoking and exposure to secondhand smoke, according to the American Heart Association.
WHO SHOULD GET ONE?
Additionally, at least 65% of people with diabetes die from some form of heart disease or stroke. Obesity is another risk factor. As your body mass index increases, so does the plaque inside your coronary arteries. This reduces the supply of oxygen-rich blood to the heart, and results in a higher risk of angina or heart attack. High blood pressure (HPB) exerts extra force on your arteries, which could lead to blood clots, fat and plaque buildup, and damaged organs. People with HPB are at a higher risk of stroke and heart failure.
WHO COULD BENEFIT FROM A VASCULAR SCAN?
An option to check for vascular disease is a vascular scan. To be eligible, you must be 50 years of age or older, with one of several risk factors. People with a family history of heart issues and aortic aneurysms have a higher risk of stroke. Men who have smoked and are between
the ages of 65 and 75 should be screened at least once for an aneurysm, according to the U.S. Preventative Services Task Force. Smokers are at an increased risk for all vascular diseases, including peripheral arterial disease, stroke, heart attack, abdominal aortic aneurysm and subsequent death. Together, smoking and chronic obstructive pulmonary disease also increase the risk of stroke. High blood pressure increases your risk for heart and vascular-related conditions.
According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, about eight out of every 10 people who have their first stroke have high blood pressure. Another risk factor is high cholesterol. When there is too much cholesterol in the blood, it builds up in the walls of your arteries. Over time, this buildup can slow the blood flow to your heart and cause a heart attack.
HE’S A CATCH
WARREN CENTRAL GRAD JULIUS “JUJU” BRENTS EAGERLY ANTICIPATING FIRST SEASON WITH THE COLTS
With the 44th overall pick in the 2023 NFL Draft, the Indianapolis Colts selected Julius “JuJu” Brents, a cornerback out of Kansas State University.
At 6 feet 3 inches tall and weighing 198 pounds, Brents is larger than the average corner. He possesses an impressive wingspan and, most importantly, a keen mind for the game of football.
He’s also a Hoosier.
Being the hometown hero has its perks. “It’s pretty easy for me,” he says. “I would say easier at least, to not have to worry about all the off-field stuff, as far as where I’m going to live at and taking care of transportation and all that. I’m in my hometown so that makes that a lot easier.”
Throughout the draft process, Brents knew the Colts were interested in him. He’d visited the Colts complex and talked briefly with coaches, but says he pushed thoughts about where he might eventually end up, or when he might get drafted, out of his mind. It’s a mindset he carried with him to the night of the second round of the draft.
“I just want an opportunity, honestly,” he says. “That’s just the mentality I had, because once you start expecting this to happen, and if that doesn’t happen, then you start doubting yourself or things of that nature. So in my head I was just like, ‘Hey, I get drafted, don’t get drafted, go early, go late, whatever.’ I just want to get the opportunity, and I’m going to make the most it.”
When opportunity came calling, Brents was at his draft party in Westfield surrounded by friends and family. Brents saw the Indianapolis area code on the ringing phone and briefly thought it might be a prank. “Bro, nobody better prank call me right now,” he remembers thinking. When Brents answered the phone, he heard a woman say she was transferring him over to Colts General Manager Chris Ballard. “I was really just shaking,” he says. “It was a moment like I’ll never forget.”
Even a day later, Brents says getting drafted didn’t feel real. It wasn’t until he arrived at the Colts complex for the first time after the draft, and saw his practice jersey hanging in a locker next to Kenny Moore’s, that he turned to his mom and said “It’s real now.”
“It was a great feeling to be able to say, ‘I’m a Colt now,’ and have that horseshoe on my helmet,” he says.
Brents credits his mother with always supporting his dreams of playing in the NFL. “Since I was a kid I always would tell her, ‘I want to play in the NFL. I want to be an NFL player,’” he says. “She never did shy away from my dreams. She always believed in me.” Family is important to Brents, and he’s grateful to be able to stay close to his family and take care of his dog, a cane corso. “My mom’s been getting on me about that a little,” he says.
More than an Indianapolis native who was drafted by Colts, Brents is a fan drafted by his favorite team. The Warren Central High School graduate grew up watching Colts legends like Peyton Manning and idolizing Bob Sanders, who helped recruit Brents to the University of Iowa, where Brents played before transferring to Kansas State.
He knows what it means to wear the horseshoe on his helmet. He knows what the fans and the city expect from him and from the franchise. “It’s definitely an honor,” he says. “I’m just looking forward to being a part of this division and just taking it on full steam ahead.”
Being the hometown hero may make Brents’ transition to the NFL slightly easier. It also shines a spotlight squarely on Brents. It’s a light other rookies might find too bright. Brents embraces it. He’s proud of where he comes from and what he’s achieved. He wears his hometown hero status like a badge of honor. He’s excited to represent Indianapolis, and all the family and friends who have supported him along the way. He also knows there’s still a lot of work to be done.
“I want to earn everything that’s coming my way,” Brents says. “I want to have that chip on my shoulder I’ve always had as a child. I’m just looking forward to putting my best foot forward for the organization and doing what’s best for the team, regardless of what that is. And I’m looking forward to bringing a winning tradition back for us.”
“IT WAS A GREAT FEELING TO BE ABLE TO SAY, ‘I’M A COLT NOW,’ AND HAVE THAT HORSESHOE ON MY HELMET.”THE 2023 NATIONAL NIGHT OUT WAS HELD THIS YEAR AT AVON HIGH SCHOOL & WAS A HUGE HIT WITH THE COMMUNITY.
hen Clay Cox picked up golf at age 16, he was a natural.
“I clicked with golf and really loved the game,” says Cox, who played during his junior and senior years of high school. Soon after leaving for Indiana State University, however, partying took center stage.
“I struggled with self-identify, but in college I felt accepted as this fun party boy,” Cox says. “I was also a big fish in a little pond.”
He justified his behavior by telling himself that he was fine since his grades hadn’t slipped. But then he tried Adderall, a stimulant that’s used to treat ADHD. He found it improved his productivity so he continued taking it, in combination with alcohol. He got arrested for consumption as a minor, which only made him cooler in his buddies’ eyes.
“It was a badge of honor,” Cox says.
The following year he moved back to Hendricks County and enrolled at Ivy Tech. One day he was complaining of a headache and someone offered him Vicodin, a low-dose opioid.
“This was my first introduction to that little world of happiness pills,” says Cox, who spent the next year smoking pot and drinking alcohol.
Then at age 23 he took Oxycontin, a strong pain reliever that can become habit-forming.
Even though, in the back of his mind, he knew that his behavior would take a toll over time, he fell deeper and deeper into addiction. By the time he was 25 he needed drugs to be able to function.
“I couldn’t start my day until I got a text from my dude telling me he had drugs for me,” Cox says. “It was a physical thing. My body needed this to function, like water. My morality was gone. My money was gone. My respect was gone. All that mattered to me was getting high.”
Over a three-year period, he pushed away his family and all of his true friends.
“I was ashamed that this is where I was, a 27-year-old who was now dating a hardcore alcoholic who drank pints of vodka for breakfast,” Cox says.
On New Year’s Eve he got wasted, fired and dumped all in the same night. He moved in with his dad. Soon thereafter, COVID shut everything down, which, for a drug addict, was the perfect storm because the government sent him money every week, which enabled him to feed his addiction.
In the summer of 2020 he began dating a girl who also had a love affair with opiates. At this point Cox had racked up a $3,000 debt and got his hands on Oxymorphone, a medicine used for cancer patients. His girlfriend told him heroin was cheaper than the drugs he was taking.
“I had a two-week bout of me snorting heroin,” Cox says. “I felt and looked like a zombie. During this time I stayed completely off the radar because I owed people money. It was hard to even sneak out to the store or the gas station. One day it hit me that I was either going to die or end up in jail.”
He knew the only way to get his life back was to tell his mom about everything he had been doing. He thought it was going to be a revelation to her, but she said she had already been attending PAL (Parents of Addicted Loved Ones) meetings for a year.
He also went to his boss at West Chase Golf Club in Brownsburg and unloaded the whole ugly truth.
“I said, ‘Here’s what I’ve been doing. I’m not doing it anymore, but if you ever see me act differently, bring it up,’” says Cox, who is now the director of golf and instruction at West Chase, where he is an accredited PGA golf pro. He teaches people of all ages the game of golf.
For the longest time, Cox struggled to regain his self-esteem because of his past relationship with drugs. Even as he gained confidence through golf, he second-guessed his worth.
“I’d make six birdies in a row and think, ‘But you’re playing at your home club, so that doesn’t really count,’” he says. Now he knows that that’s his past addiction talking, and that his opinions do matter.
“I hold weight when I talk about golf because I’m an expert at it,” he says. There’s proof of that all around him, including the fact that one of his students recently won a Hendricks County tournament.
“It’s cool to know that I’m more than just my past,” he says. “Golf is what keeps me going.”
And because Cox is forthright about his past addiction, he’s had clients confide that they, too, could use some help.
“I’ve had guys tell me, ‘I’ve been drinking five days a week for 20 years. I’m really struggling, bro,’” Cox says.
Indeed, his instruction sometimes extends beyond simply swinging the club and hitting the ball.
Clay was two weeks sober when he learned that his girlfriend had died of an overdose. Her death became a constant reminder of what drugs can do.
“Drugs don’t care about your last name or where you come from or how much money you make,” Cox says. “You can’t buy life.”
For Cox, staying clean involved a lot of measures including meditation, mindfulness and golf. He still recalls the first time he walked the golf course sober, being mindful of each step he took as he felt the wind on his face and listened to the leaves rustle in the trees.
Cox’s advice to others who are trying to get clean and sober is to take accountability in your life.
“At the end of the day, your gut won’t lie to you,” he says.
Cox is grateful to greet each new day. He’s happy to kiss his girlfriend good morning and take his dog, Charlie, for a walk.
“I’m truly excited every day I wake up,” he says. “It’s so nice to have that fire for life again and to make my day my own.”
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