Around Brussels in 30 days Issue 6

Brussels 30 days Around

in

April 2012 Issue #6

brussels.in30days.eu

Contains some rude words

KEEP AN EYE OUT FOR BIFFF

By Cedric Dautinger Do you like to be scared? If the answer is a definite ‘Yes’, or even a definite ‘Maybe’, then head to BIFFF 2012.

Each year, the Brussels International Fantastic Film Festival runs not only horror-flick genre movies but also special events, such as the bodypainting contest, pictured above.

This year, BIFFF will also feature a new arrival - a clutch of 3D films.

For the festival’s 30th edition, held down by the canal at Tour & Taxis (a few years back, it was at Passage 44), expect the usual screams of terror but often among laughs and chatter.

That’s because viewers can forget about sleeping through a bad horror movie as, at this festival, the crowd often talks and yells, making many of the movies an interactive experience.

For 2012, BIFFF runs between 5-16 April, hosting more than 100 films from all around the world, and including several Belgian premieres.

That’s nothing new as, in the past, BIFFF has hosted what were later to become well-known horror movies such as Ring and Saw.

Bite Night But monster films are not all that’s on offer, as science-fiction, fantasy and even kids’ movies will also be shown.

And let’s not forget the related events taking place in Brussels, for example the Zombie Parade (7 April), the Manneken Pis dressed as a vampire and, of course, the famous Vampire’s Ball. Take your pick...and take a pic.

More info on Page 12

Around Brussels in 30 days - Page 2

Greenhouses, future Brussels, meet-ups and all that jazz...

Jazz music and bubbly? What a combination. And the Midtown Bar and Grill, at 4 Rue Paul Devaux, in central Brussels, serves the pair up every Thursday from 19:30 for a couple of hours, courtesy of its ‘Piper Bubbles Night`.

Glasses of the fizz are €6-a-pop with a bottle costing €29, imbibed to the live sounds of Lotte Janssen, Elisabetta Lacorte and Andy Smeets. To reserve a spot, contact Jérémy Toro on 0473 54 40 17.

The Aloft Hotel, near Schuman, is certainly doing its bit to host events and one of its

regular nights takes place on the first Friday of every month at Place Jean Rey. The unpronouncable Wxyz bar plays host to a community of internationally minded citizens looking to meet new people, widen their circle of friends, learn new things and, numero uno on the wish list, have lots of fun.

Forget networking, this is informal ‘notworking’ and involves enjoying great places, food, drinks and entertainment.

Good weather will find the ‘Attitude’ crew enjoying the terrace.

Ovet at Bozar, Brussels 2040: Three Visions for a Metropolis runs until 30 May asking the questions: “What will Brussels be like in 2040 if its demographic growth continues? How will people get around the city if cars are no longer sustainable? How can we reduce the social divisions? How can we offer everyone

an opportunity to live and work with dignity?

How can we co-ordinate the development of Brussels with its hinterland?”

Good luck with answering those...

In an attempt to do so, the Brussels-Capital Region turned to three teams of experts, made up of architects, town planners and landscape architects, among others. The exhibition shows the approaches taken by the three teams using videos, models, photos, and urban master plans.

Previously unseen short films, directed by journalists Robin Ramaekers and Jo Ackermans, showcase each of the three visions.

Take advantage of the only few weeks of the year when the public is allowed access to the Royal Greenhouses at Laeken.

From 13 April to 6 May, aficionados of 19th century architecture and green-fingered plant enthusiasts head out to these impressive greenhouses with their soaring ironwork and wide range of flora, including many rare species.

Step through the gates of the Laeken castle, on Avenue du Parc Royal and visit the site that was originally conceived by William I as

Check out our April Book of the Month, reviewed on page 6 Find us at: 38 Fossé aux Loupes,1000 Brussels Tel: 02 223 62 23 www.sterlingbooks.be

a vast orangery. King Leopold II added the domed Winter Garden linked to around 30 pavilions, while landscape gardener John Wills designed the botanical areas, decorative rockeries and more.

The seven greenhouses were built by the architect Balat in collaboration with his soon-to-be famous pupil Victor Horta.

The spectacular 19th century Winter Garden is considered an Art Nouveau jewel and classed among the greatest greenhouses in the world. Go see it, then.

Page 3 - Around Brussels in 30 days

Tasting wine is a vine idea!

In last month’s issue, we introduced you to Global Grapes, a Brussels-based company offering fine wines and fun tastings in a friendly atmosphere.

The next events (held at 143 Rue Franz Merjay, in Ixelles) will take place on Saturday 21 and Sunday 22 April (between 15-20:00 on both days) and will feature white wines from Alsace, Languedoc and Italy, rosés (from Languedoc and Italy) plus Crémant d’Alsace, a sparkling wine.

The guys are now on Twitter (@globalgrapes) and on Facebook, here.

Our super-sub James Drew sampled a couple of glasses of a Sliding Hill Marlborough 2010 sauvignon blanc from New Zealand, and had the following to opine: “Excellent fruit, very refreshing, with a more-than pleasant twang at the back.”

And the Sliding Hill Marlborough 2009 pinot noir, to which Bxl30Days editor Tony Mallett was more than a little partial, elicited the following: “Again, loads of fruit.

Plums, cherries, that sort of thing. It’s nicely full bodied, subtly tannined and I think I’m getting some chocolate, although that could be wishful thinking.

“In essence,” Mallett added, “it’s got everything I like.”

In other news, readers can grab the chance to meet some Belgian winemakers, on Saturday 14 April at the Tram Museum on Avenue de Tervueren, B-1150, from 18:30.

There, wine buffs can taste the wines these vintners produce and enjoy a delicious dinner in their company prepared, no less, by Lionel Rigolet, from one of the capital’s top restaurants Comme Chez Soi. Dinner will begin at 20:30 and reservations can be made for two, four, six, eight or ten people seated at ten-seater tables, with a Belgian winemaker at each.

The idea is to allow guests to learn more

about the wines made by the producer seated at your particular table. However, throughout the dinner, diners will be able to try the other varieties, which will be available at the wine bar. The whole event is scheduled to wrap up by 23:30.

To put it mildly, Belgian winemakers are not exactly well known, but the country is home to around 20 commercial vineyards.

Not only that, but Belgians also own or run many other vineyards abroad, especially in the Bordeaux region.

At the opening of the Belgovino fair and mini-expo, wine experts - both amateur and professional - will be offered an advance tasting of wines from Belgian producers.

This tasting will take place on the fair’s own site (the Tram Museum), a day before the one-day expo opens its doors.

After this comes a cocktail and a visit around the fair, then guests will be treated to their gourmet dinner.

As you might imagine, there is a cost involved - €85 plus 90 cents booking fee to be precise - but as well as the meal, it includes access to the Tram Museum, that visit to the Belgovino fair and, of course, plenty of wine tasting.

To book online, just click here.

Make Time For Wine!

NEXT TASTINGS: Saturday 21 & Sunday 22 April, both days from 15-20h.

Focus will be on white wine (Alsace, Languedoc, Italy), rosé (Languedoc, Italy) & sparkling wine (Crémant d’Alsace) Sign up NOW by email: globalgrapes@globalgrapes.be

www.globalgrapes.be

Around Brussels in 30 days - Page 4

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Couleur Café warming up well as more acts join the fun

There can be no doubt that Couleur Café is one of the high spots of the Brussels musical calendar (alongside the Jazz Marathon that comes up next month) and new names are regularly being announced for the event taking place at Tour & Taxis during the long weekend (beginning Friday) of 29-30 June and 1 July.

Presales have already begun (buy and print your tickets in just two clicks on the website) and are also available now in designated ticket outlets (there’s a complete list of these on the website, too).

Booking fees apply but the face value of the tickets are as follows - one-day ticket pre-booked, €36; one-day ticket at the door, €44, a Combi three-day ticket online at €79 and a Combi three-day ticket plus camping for €95.

The latter are only available online, are limited in numbers, and are intended for over 16-year-olds who are travelling to the festival from outside Brussels.

As it currently stands, the line-up looks like this for Friday 29 June: Jessie J Erykah Badu Sharon Jones & The Dap-Kings Collie Buddz & New Kingston Psy4 de la Rime Tinariwen Imany Boban & Marko Markovic Orchestra Joshua The Excitements Sarah Ferri OPMOC

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On Saturday 30 June music fans will be able to see and hear: Sean Paul De La Soul Gentleman Le Peuple de l’Herbe Caravan Palace Kaer Sarah Carlier Asham meets Collieman Chinese Man Bomba Estéreo And on Sunday 1 July, the list of acts currently looks like this: Stephen Marley Public Enemy (pictured above) Les Boukake Gogol Bordello Ayo Orquesta Buena Vista Social Club feat.

Omara Portuondo Brigitte Zebda The Peas Project Joshua Alo Madé J More names will be announced soon for this not-to-be-missed event.

Meanwhile, the guys at Brussels Rhythm and Blues Club (BRBC) have a treat in store on Saturday 21 April at that great little venue Le Sounds, in deepest Ixelles.

Basement Apes (formerly Men in Blue) plus Eric Moens’ Jive return to the BRBC with their potent cocktail of rock, blues

Web: brussels.in30days.eu Email: bxlin30days@gmail.com Follow us on Twitter: @Brussels30Days ‘Like’ us on Facebook: Around Brussels in 30 Days

and R&B classics from the 1960s right up to the present day.

The repertoire covers everyone from Albert King to ZZ Top, plus they roll in some tasty originals.

Brussels-based hacks will know that the Apes feature BRBC founder Geoff ‘Animal’ Meade on drums, Craig Winneker on guitar, Paul Meller on guitar and keyboards, Pete Reichert on bass and vocals and Ian Elders on vocals.

Meantime, the BRBC house band Jive, featuring Eric Moens and Afrim Jahja on guitars and vocals, will be performing their hugely popular R&B set, featuring classics

by Fleetwood Mac, the Yardbirds, Jimmy Reed, Bo Diddley, Elmore James, Steve Miller, Eric Clapton, Ry Cooder, Rory Gallagher, J.J. Cale and others.

The concert will start at 21:00 promptly and set you back €10.

As ever, excellent Italian food will be available, alongside a wide range of beers and wines That’s the April gig sorted, then, but of course BRBC will be back on 5 May - this time with Tony O’Malley and his Band and, a month later, on 9 June, with Roberto and His Rockers, both with houseband Eric Moens’ Jive.

Finally, the Andrew Mavin Project, as mentioned here a few times before, have a single out called Morning Blues. Now, the video of the original EP version is available on You Tube by clicking here, while the full version of the song is also now on CD Baby, right here.

More details, reviews and news can be found on the band’s website.

Turn a different corner Bxl30Days made a great discovery not so very long ago (with a little help from our friends) and, much as we all love to keep secrets, it’s only fair that we should spill the beans and tell you about it.

Nestling in-between the Schuman roundabout and Place Jourdan is a haven of live music, wonderful food and endless chat, called The Music Corner.

Wander in and you’ll immediately realise you’re in a place that’s laid-back during the daytime and intimate during evenings and night-times.

The owner, Nick, is a fond fan of jazz and blues and can often be found at the bar’s piano. That’s when he’s not arranging the venue’s free-to-read books or organising performances for others who come to play at this little spot.

And, just so you can judge for yourself, there are three cosy evenings coming up

Pick of the live listings

this month on 12, 19 and 26 April from 19:00, with tasteful music, a warm welcome, an excellent menu to hand and, yeah, no entrance fee.

Nick and his team’s plan is simple - to share a love of live music and to do it surrounded by cool, friendly people in a great atmosphere.

And, while Brussels is fortunately blessed with many excellent venues, this one has a real, classy ‘living room’ feel about it and the sense that, with no effort required, you’ll have a good time.

Even if you can’t make it during these three evenings, it’s a smashing place to pop in for lunch and, maybe, an organic beer (or two).

We recommend it.

Opening hours are Monday to Friday 11:30-15:00 then 17-22:00. Weekends start at 17:00 both evenings.

Home deliveries of your favourite English groceries

Plenty happening down at Churchill’s as usual: Saturday 7 April: Akim Friday 13 April: Bob Christmas Saturday 14 April: Andrew Mavin Friday 20 April: Narcotic Daffodils Saturday 21 April: Bonzai Friday 27 April: U’lers Saturday 28 April: Matt Rose Meanwhile, at the AB, tickets are still available for: Friday 20 April: Jools Holland (pictured) Friday 27 April: The Dandy Warhols Tuesday 8 May: Morten Harket

Order food classics like Shreddies, Marmite and PG Tips. And new ideas from great suppliers in Dorset for jams, chutneys and biscuits.

Not forgetting classic English beers and Devon cider.

And fresh bacon, sausages and cheese.

And toothpaste and shampoo for the bathroom.

All details were correct at the time of going to press. If in doubt, check with the venue before heading to the gig.

Order before midnight every Wednesday for delivery a couple of days later

www.

TheInternetGrocer.com

Around Brussels in 30 days - Page 6

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We got books. Read all about it With thanks to Sterling Books, this month’s selection is reviewed by Tony Mallett Julian Barnes: The Sense of an Ending Barnes won the 2011 Man Booker Prize with this relatively short novel and it’s easy to see why. Every word counts in this tale of a retired, calm and seemingly malice-free man forced to re-examine his past when prompted by a surprise letter from a lawyer.

We learn of two suicides in his early life, one meaningless to himself and his tight-knit group of friends (except philosophically), the other considerably less so and, with the arrival of the letter, Tony Webster is jolted into coming to terms with his past using the imperfect tool that is memory.

As he attempts to piece together a jigsaw made up of a long-ago ex-girlfriend, her mysterious mother, a bequest in a will and the untimely death of a young man he both loved and admired, Webster eventually discovers that memory, like nostalgia, isn’t what it used to be and that the past is mutable.

Dimitri Verhulst: The Misfortunates Something of a modern-day classic in Flemish circles, this semi-autobiographical work has gained a wider audience since being translated into English. And, by God, it deserves it.

Young Dimmy is being dragged up in stale-beer-smelling squalor in the Flemish village of Arsendegem, surrounded by a father and uncles who aim to drink themselves into early graves, fail miserably to dodge bailiffs, fight with anyone who’s up for it and take pride in leaving the door open when they take a shit.

The lad’s mother has done a runner long ago, few of the family do any work and, when they do, every last bean they earn is spent down the pub to protect the family from what Dimmy’s dad calls the ‘dangers of capitalism’.

The boy looks set to drown in this cesspit of uselessness, flanked by desperate (not to mention determined) alkies and the set-pieces that accompany Verhulst’s eventual growing up and escape are honest, brutal, surprisingly moving in places and, above all, absolutely bloody hilarious.

Julian Barnes: The Sense of an Ending €10.50 John Grisham: The Litigators €9.90 Dimitri Verhulst: The Misfortunates €21.45 David Vann: Dirt €16.50

John Grisham: The Litigators The master of the courtroom drama needs no introduction. The numerous finely crafted legal thrillers that he churns out endlessly have been read time-and-time again, adapted as movies and envied by lesser storytellers for years. While sticking to what he knows best, it has to be said that this novel is lighter than others Grisham’s penned, although no less clever, controlled or perfectly paced.

Harvard graduate David Zinc has worked in a huge Chicago law firm for five years and hates it. One day, he suddenly says ‘screw it!’, hits a downtown bar for breakfast and winds up shit-faced in the offices of Finley & Figg, run by two tired ambulance chasers specialising in injury claims and cheap divorces.

Neither has ever addressed a jury in federal court, nor has David for that matter, but they’re about to take on the might of Big Pharma...

This is rip-roaring stuff with a few good laughs along the way.

David Vann: Dirt Vann’s third novel, the Sterling ‘Book of the Month’ for April, is making waves already. The story surrounds 22-year-old Galen, a complete misfit living with his skinflint mother, sexually tortured by his gorgeous cousin, arguing with his aunt, trying to be kind to his grandmother (who is now in a nursing home) and with no clue or experience of what life’s about or his place in it.

Set in a sun-baked US landscape and written in intense but sparse prose, it unravels its tale over a few hot, summer days during which Galen’s life is changed forever.

This is cracking stuff. And Vann is a major talent.

April readings at Sterling Books There are two readings coming up at Sterling this month, within a few days of each other.

Graphic novelist Karrie Fransman will be at the downtown book store on 20 April with Chris Pavone coming along on the 24th. Chris will be talking about his book The Expats, which will be reviewed on this page next month. Both start at 19:00.

Online gambling’s easy. Wanna bet?

By Mike Moscrop As Euro 2012 approaches, it would be a safe bet to say that the vast majority of Bxl30Days readers are not aware of the new licensing laws regarding online gambling that are being implemented throughout Belgium.

The recently passed gaming regulations here categorically state that any online gambling sites in the country must now be approved by the Belgian Gambling Authority (BGA) and obtain a licence from them in order to be deemed legal.

This amendment to the gambling laws comes at a time when similar moves are being made in other European states including Denmark, Serbia and Italy.

Under the new laws, online sportsbooks that haven’t obtained the new licence will be blacklisted from offering their services to Belgian gamblers, specifically those wishing to have a punt at the upcoming football tournament in June.

Although several online casinos such as Casino 777, Golden Palace and Poker Stars have all applied for Belgium’s A+ licences, the number of sportsbooks - including popular sports betting sites such as Bwin, Bet 365 and Ladbrokes - that have applied is thus far unclear.

So what does this all mean to people like you and me, who fancy a little slice of the action? Well, put simply, we’ll all have to do our homework before gambling online or, alternatively, make

the hike to the bookies in person because obviously they will have already had their licences approved.

Why should we be careful? The potential nasty sting in this particular tail comes in the form of how the Belgian police are to regulate these new policies.

With the BGA only going as far to create a blacklist of sites, it will be up to the rozzers to identify, catch and reprimand those of us continuing to bet on the outlawed sites.

The severity of any punishment remains unclear as this is the first move of its kind in Europe but it has, rather unsurprisingly, been met with general condemnation by the online gaming community.

While some smaller gambling sites have tried to continue offering their services by playing the EU’s free commerce card without obtaining a Belgian licence, this too has now been made illegal.

The countries of Europe, it seems, have far too much interest in regulating their own gambling laws within their own boundaries, sponging up the vast source of taxable revenue, to care for EU policies on the matter.

For the vast majority of us, making bets at the bookies, with a pint of lager in one hand and a fiver in the other is standard procedure.

However, if you like to tinker with your bets during the game and adjust them accordingly to the action on the screen, you’ll need to make sure you’re on a kosher site.

Apparently, there is a lot more at stake than the score!

Internet bookies without the new licence will be blacklisted

Page 9 - Around Brussels in 30 days

Looks good in shorts

www.PictureNose.com

By Colin Moors

Renier reigns as Cloclo

Review by James Drew I’ve not really seen that many biopics in my time – it’s not a genre that I deliberately avoid, it’s just it’s rare that I am sufficiently interested in the lives of the rich and famous to want to spend a couple of hours learning about them.

However, Cloco (2012) by French director Florent-Emilio Siri (L’ennemi intime (2007), Hostage (2005)) is something else again, not least because it has at its centre a performance by Jérémie Renier as France’s über-chanteur malheureux Claude François that is simply astounding.

Truth be told, I was a big fan of François (or ‘Cloclo’, as the French affectionately moniker him) before watching the film – he first came into my orbit with the simply splendid Podium (2004) by Yann Moix, starring Benoît Poelvoorde as Cloclo impersonator par excellence Bernard

Frédéric, but Moix’s film, while still very respectful to the memory of CF, was nevertheless a very broad (and very funny) pastiche of the man and his music.

Bravely, in that it is only eight years since Podium swept all before it, Cloclo instead opts for the straight story, a faithful and, considering that it was produced by François’ sons, unflinching look at the tragically short life of a singer-personality who is still a legend in la France.

Born the son of a shipping company owner in Egypt, we see a little of Cloclo’s early life, and the beginnings of his vexed and ultimately totally estranged relationship with his father Aimé (Marc Barbé), who rejects his son’s musical ambitions and subsequently disowns him.

A pity that more could not have been made of this relationship, or lack thereof, because it is just about the only lacuna in an otherwise immaculately complete

account of Cloclo’s life which, you may not know, ended on 11 March 1978, when François electrocuted himself trying to mend a light standing in his bath.

Now, let me tell you about Renier – even at my first look at the poster for the film, which shows François’ face in profile, I knew that I was in for a treat – as one of Bernard Frédéric’s competitors remarks in Podium, ‘he’s not an impersonator this guy, he’s a clone’, and the same can absolutely be said of Renier (L’enfant (2005)) in Cloclo.

And it’s not just a question of the look being absolutely spot on – Renier mimics the body language, posture, voice and on-stage rhythms of François so well, I guarantee that after 30 minutes or so, you will be convinced that Cloclo lives. Very little more to be said, really – it opened in Belgium and France recently, and you must see this film.

128 mins. In French, Italian and English

Wandering around the internet like some modern-day epic Homerian hero, I often come across people who, out of the kindness of their hearts, or more likely to secure funding for bigger projects, put up some really quite superb short movies. Whether they’re animated or live action, the standard of some is so incredibly high, I thought I’d share a few with you.

If you like the idea, let me know and I’ll do a regular feature. It’s either that, or you’ll have to listen to James wetting his pants over the latest Bond movie, so it’s up to you.

Moving quickly on from that potentially terrifying scenario, I’ll open with another. This one, I stumbled across in one of my news feeds. At first, I thought ‘two minutes long – that’s not going to eat into my schedule too much’. Then I thought ‘two minutes long – what can be done in that to impress?’ To find out took only, er, two minutes. This grainy homage to the most favourite of all Picturenose’s horror genres, the zombie flick, is superbly shot, well acted and well cut. A real pro job, in fact. It had me guessing all the way up to the kicker at the end. Worth two minutes of anyone’s time. Watch The End here. Via frightly.com I created myself an account on Vimeo recently and immediately my productivity dropped by about 60%. The wealth of upcoming film talent on there is amazing. Sound, graphics, animations, matte, direction...you’d be forgiven for thinking you’d stumbled across a Michael Bay film. No, only joking. This stuff is, as I believe the young people are saying these days, ‘the shit’. One example – and a damned good one at that – is Ruin.

Brought to you in glorious HD (see picture) and widescreen (really), Ruin is an 8-minute action short set in a post-apocalyptic world. The animation is as clean and sharp as any you’ll see in big-budget spectaculars. It has a console-game feel to it, but to say this is not a slight, as for me at least it gives an other-wordly feel to the piece. I really can’t recommend this highly enough. Watch it here now. You will not be disappointed.

To wrap up, something a bit sinister. Entirely different from the previous two offerings, Szél (Wind) by Marcell Iványi is a multi-award-winning Hungarian film that packs an enormous punch in its brief, bleak seven

minute run-time. Director students in the Hungarian Academy of Drama & Film were shown a picture by the Jewish photographer Lucien Hervé and asked to create a short film based on it.

The photo has the unsurprising title of Three Women. Evocative and gritty as it is, the students of the Academy made it into so much more – the entire seven minutes is done in a complete ‘long take’ format – one shot and the camera keeps rolling. This provides a fantastic sense of momentum and also one of culpability and helplessness as the camera through which we are taking in the scene that unfolds just keep on relentlessly.

It would be foolish to spoil what is one of the most atmospheric shorts I have seen in many a year, so I leave it to you. Click through here to see it and do yourself a favour and make it full screen. Creepy.

MEDIA grabs Oscar glory Production company La Petite Reine, which was responsible for the multi-Oscar and BAFTA-winning The Artist (2011), directed

by Michel Hazanavicius, has been a frequent beneficiary of supported from the European Commission’s MEDIA programme, and recently received €180,000 to support the development of a portfolio of films.

MEDIA (a French acronym for ‘Mesure pour le Développement de l’Industrie Audiovisuelle’) is the 2007-2013 EU Programme which supports the European film industry and the audiovisual sector.

Over the 2014-2020 period, the Commission has proposed a budget of €1.8 billion for Creative Europe; of this, more than €900 million would be allocated to MEDIA. While The Artist was not among the list of films that directly benefited from this most recent largesse, it is nevertheless clear that the funding has improved the company’s ability along the entire production chain.

And audience access to The Artist in

Estonia, Latvia and Lithuania has been facilitated via automatic distribution support mechanisms by MEDIA, which amount to around €17,000.

La Petite Reine, along with co-producers FR Jouror Productions and Studio 37 (connected to Telco Orange) has now sold the film to classic art-house distributors, some of which have applied for MEDIA’s Cinema Selective Award.

Another Oscar winner, The Iron Lady (2011), which won Best Actress for Meryl Streep and was a UK-French co-production, received €1.5m in distribution support to encourage cinemas to screen the film outside the country where it was made.

Meanwhile, The Artist (France-Belgium) received €17,000 for the same purpose.

Seven other EU-backed films were also nominated for Oscars: · Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy (2011) (Tomas Alfredson, UK/France/Germany), nominated for Best Actor, Best Original Score and Best

Adapted Screenplay, was awarded €300,000; · Albert Nobbs (2011) (Rodrigo García, UK/Ireland), nominated for Best Make Up and Best Actress in a supporting role, received €130,000; · A Cat in Paris (2010) (Alain Gagnol, Jean-Loup Felicioli, France/Belgium/ Netherlands/Switzerland), nominated for Best Animation Film, received €122,000; · Chico and Rita (2010) (Fernando Trueba and Javier Mariscal, Spain/UK), nominated for Best Animation Film, was awarded €3,000; · Bullhead (2011) (Michaël R. Roskam, Belgium), nominated for Best Foreign Language film, received €20,000; · Jane Eyre (2011) (Cary Joji Fukunaga, United Kingdom/USA), nominated for Costume Design, was awarded €450,000, and; · Pina (2011) (Wim Wenders, Germany/ France/UK), nominated for Documentary Feature, received €550,000.

Page 11 - Around Brussels in 30 days

Some weaknesses with Marilyn Review by Agata Olbrycht In 1956 Colin Clark, who is now a British documentary film-maker, spent some time with Marilyn Monroe while she was working on The Prince and Showgirl (1957) in England. He later published a book, which has now been brought to the screen by Simon Curtis in My Week with Marilyn (2011).

The film that Marilyn was starring in, based on a play by Terrance Rattigan, was supposed to be a chance for the world’s most famous star to move from clichéd Hollywood roles into something a little more intellectual but yet still very entertaining, the story of simple girl who’s seduced by an eastern European prince regent (Sir Laurence Olivier, who also directed). Instead, the picture turned out to be a struggle for everyone, mainly due to the tension caused by the two leads, who clashed in attitudes towards work and could not overcome personal differences.

In Curtis’s film, Marilyn is played by Michelle Williams and Olivier by Kenneth Brannagh – Colin (Eddie Redmayne), the third assistant to the director, become something of a confidant to Monroe, and her only true friend on the set.

Much has been written about Marilyn Monroe, showing the complexity of her life and personality. Truman Capote’s Beautiful Child was a fascinating portrait of a conflicted soul who was lost in her world yet conscious of her power as a child-woman. And, while this short text gave me a lot to think about, My Week with Marilyn does not. It’s essentially a shallow story of a young boy falling for a movie star, or of a movie star using the young boy for a few weeks – not exactly inspiring or interesting. However, it does portray the characters of the main actors with colour – Williams tries her best, but does not reveal the inner richness and sadness of Marilyn’s persona. Brannagh as Olivier, on the other hand, is aggressive, rude, yet vulnerable towards Monroe’s beauty and is quite brilliant, as are Dame Judi Dench as Dame Sybil Thorndike and Julia Ormond as Vivian Leigh. In fact, Brannagh and Dench’s acting is good beyond words, so much so that it makes you feel like they are out of place in an average movie like My Week...

Basically, it’s nothing more than a passably pleasant jaunt in which the talents of some amazing British actors have definitely been wasted.

99 mins

All you ever wanted to know about sects

RUE DES BOGARDS, 28-40 BRUSSELS 1000 Tel: +32 2 511 52 69, Fax: +32 2 513 51 70 info@liquidoma.be www.liquidoma.be OPEN: MONDAY-SATURDAY 10:00-18:30

The first scenes of Martha Marcy May Marlene (2011) don’t indicate the beginning of a real nerve-wrecking, dark thriller.

There is a farm somewhere in the woods.

There are people working in the garden. It looks peaceful. Then there is dinner...a weird one. First, some men, around ten of them, are eating their meal in absolute silence, while the women sit on the stairs waiting their turn. After they too finish eating, everyone goes to their beds in the group bedrooms – women and men, again, separately.

So it’s not just a farm. Perhaps it’s a commune of some kind, maybe? But when we see one of the girls, Marcy, fleeing the house and running away to the woods, we suspect that the farm’s secret is far darker...

Elisabeth Olsen plays Martha (and shows some impressive acting skills – I know, who would have thought that any Olsen could do that?) as a troubled young girl, an orphan, with an absent sister. Like many other lost young souls, she is accepted by the sect and invited to stay in a farm where other young, equally troubled people live happy lives under the watchful eye of their charismatic leader – Patrick (John Hawkes). Martha is given a name Marcy May and forced to get through the special ‘cleansing’ to cut her ties with her past and enter the group, a sort of rite of passage. Namely, she is being raped by Patrick.

Rape, group sex, blind obedience – they soon become regular parts of Marcy May’s new life.

Calm and smart, protective and understanding

– Patrick is a master of words that just make all these things sound normal, good and right.

Marcy is being convinced that her first night with Patrick was the most wonderful event of her life and, soon enough, she convinces a newcomer to the group to believe the same thing. Chosen by the leader as his favourite, Marcy gets to see a lot more of the group’s highly illegal practices, and that pushes her towards running away.

After successfully escaping the farm, Marcy calls her sister Lucy, who picks her up from the bus stop and takes her home. We meet the sect victim at the moment of her escape and we learn about her past through a series of flashbacks. Marcy tries desperately to get back her old life from before the sect – Martha’s life. Lucy (Sarah Paulson) is doing her best to help Martha fight her demons. The problem is that Martha-Marcy never explains what these demons really are, so when her behaviour gets weirder and weirder, not even the loving sister can handle it.

On top of everything, Martha slowly becomes certain that she is being followed by her previous ‘family’.

Sean Durkin’s movie is a dark, gripping thriller that keeps you on your toes from the beginning until the very end. Limited music background or lack thereof increases the suspense. Mostly though, it is a dramatic story of a person’s fight for normality, truth, and finding peace. Martha loses the ability to distinguish the past from the

present – I am not an expert on sects and I hope never to get to know how one works, but it’s possible that their tactics do include teaching ‘different’ rules of life, cutting you off from reality and getting so deep under your skin that you no longer know what is right and what is real.

Living with them is wrong – living without them becomes a downward spiral of never-ending paranoia. AO 102 mins

Around Brussels in 30 days - Page 12

BIFFF hits 30: Oh, the horror!

For 29 years now, the Brussels International Fantastic Film Festival (BIFFF) has roused the European capital from its winter/early spring sleep for the most exciting cinematographic event of the year. Bursting at the seams with amazing films and stunning events (the Make-up Contest, the International Body Painting Contest, the Zombie Parade in the heart of Brussels, the Japanimation Day, the Manga Market, the Cosplay Contest, the renowned Vampire’s Ball and many other festivities) the BIFFF is an exciting and atmospheric celebration of everything related to the fantasy, horror and sci-fi genres.

For 13 days (!), more than 100 films will be shown, many of them world and international premieres, with fantasy, thrillers, science-fiction, horrors, cult and underground movies, while real genre aficionados can enjoy special features such as the Fantastic Night and Midnight X-tremes.

Each year, the BIFFF welcomes more than 60,000 spectators and invites more than 100 international guests, making it one of Europe’s leading film festivals. For its 30th anniversary, BIFFF will take place from 5-17 April at Tours & Taxis. Woo! BIFFF Tour & Taxis Avenue du Port 1000 Brussels Tel: 02 201 17 13

Page 13 - Around Brussels in 30 days

Under-rated actors: Five of the very best

En route...

In Brussels cinemas soon: 4 April Titanic 3D (1996) One wonders just what the addition of 3D will bring to James Cameron’s 1997 ‘masterpiece’? Or am I being a tad cynical? It’s just that, like everyone else, I was blown away by the visceral impact of the film on my first view, but subsequent takes revealed just how poor the script is, and how simply unbelievable the characterizations of DiCaprio and Winslet are. There were thousands of adult stories that doubtless took place on the ill-fated maiden voyage of RMS Titanic – no amount of ‘you feel like you’re there’ folderall will convince that this is one of them.

[Rec] 3: Genesis (2012) Well, as a horror buff, I simply adored [Rec] (2007) , by Catalonian and Spanish directors Jaume Balagueró and Paco Plaza and I really enjoyed the almost-as-good sequel [Rec] 2 (2009) – for part three, it’s just Plaza at the helm, and apparently the approach this time around is rather different, so I guess we’ll see if it matches up, won’t we?

11 April Two Days in New York (2011) Acclaimed French actress-director Julie Delpy (Le Skylab (2011)) brings her comedy sequel to 2 Days in Paris (2007) to the screen – Marion (Delpy) has broken up with her bloke from the first film and now lives with Mingus (Chris Rock). Chaos ensues, apparently.

18 April W.E. (2012) After proving that she is really not a very good actress (with the exception of Evita (1996)), Madonna turns her hand to directing, with this account of the relationship between Edward VIII and Wallace Simpson, which rocked an empire. Andrea Riseborough stars as Simpson, James D’Arcy as Edward, and it’s apparently getting good notices, so that’s a relief.

25 April Tyrannosaur (2011) Great British actor Paddy Considine (Dead Man’s Shoes (2004)) directs the tale of Joseph (Peter Mullan) to life – a man whose life is being destroyed by his own violence, yet who may have a chance at redemption when he meets Hannah (Olivia Colman), a Christian charity shop worker. Reviews indicate that it’s brilliant.

Plenty of reviews are always available on Picturenose.

See you next time!

OK, more like four under-rated and one just plain old unfortunate. You’ll see why. For every Steve Guttenberg, Scarlett Johansson and Jason Statham, who seem to get regular work despite having little to no discernible talent for the job they’re paid obscene amounts of cash to do, there is a veritable legion of actors who plough through auditions and bit parts until they reach the point where they star in films and people still say ‘who’? There will be an article along soon pillorying talentless and pointless Hollywood wasters but for now, here’s to the heroes. No particular order, except the last.

Harry Dean Stanton: An actor so good, I named a cat after him. No, really. Althought the feline Harry Dean has sadly departed this world, the human one is still knocking around, I am very happy to be able to report.

Although he himself admits he may have been a little slack – “I’ve been rather like a cat. I’m finicky and I’ve done a lot of things, and made career choices, missed meetings and so forth that would have made me a much bigger actor, I think.” – there are actors out there who could attend all the meetings in the world and still be crap. If it wasn’t for directors like Wim Wenders who cast Stanton in the utterly beautiful Paris, Texas (1984) and Alex Cox coaxing an enigmatic and comic turn from him in Repo Man (1984), he may have stayed in obscurity. Anyone remember Stanton in Cool Hand Luke (1967) or Kelly’s Heroes (1970)? Thought not.

Pete Postlethwaite: Sadly no longer with us, Postlethwaite was a consummate actor who specialized in playing gruff, abrupt characters, many of whom hid unexpected quirks or kindness. He worked on TV and stage for many years before he received his first Oscar nomination (Best Supporting Actor) for his role as Giuseppe Conlon in In the Name of the Father (1993) – before the Oscars became the pointless circle-jerk it is now. A star of the British acting scene, Hollywood recognised him quite late in the day but he did solid work throughout his career. My only disappointment is that he took a part in Baz Luhrmann’s god-awful Romeo + Juliet (1996).

Franke Potente: ‘That one with the red hair in Run Lola Run (1998)’

is probably not the best way to go through life, particularly if you are a convincing and accomplished actor. Potente always puts in a solid performance – anyone who has seen Run... will see what she was capable of even back then. Tom Tykwer’s follow-up was a haunting and beautiful love story Der Krieger und die Kaiserin (2000), and brought another fine showing by Potente. Apart from being cast in two of the Bourne movies – one of which she has more screen time in than the other – she seems to be ignored by the big studios. Even in films that could be so much better (Creep (2004)), she works hard to shine through the dross. I find her incredibly sexy too. Sue me.

Juliette Lewis: I can kind-of see why she gets passed over a lot. (1) The expression ‘mad as a box of frogs’ leaps to mind. Whenever she’s interviewed, you’re just waiting for her to do something odd. Not in the oh-so-lame ‘controversial’ style of many rock stars, she’s the real deal – but still a fine actor. (2) She wants to be a rock star (hmm, maybe there is something in the controversy thing after all). Scorsese knew she was good, casting her alongside De Niro in his creepy and brutal remake of the Mitchum classic, Cape Fear (1991). She’s worked with and for some of the best in the business, and yet Keira Knightley still gets work. Doesn’t make any sense to me. Lewis is currently getting back into the movie business, and I for one would like to see her do more.

What’s-his-name: You know, the creepy one who put people in drains in that Clint Eastwood film. That one. Andrew Robinson – yes, evil has a name, and his name is Andy – is the one you’re thinking of. Famous or infamous for his portrayal of Scorpio, the killer in Dirty Harry (1971) he found himself typecast as a psycho, which I have to say, I found pretty convincing. Aside from getting the lead role in Hellraiser (1987), he seems to have been cursed by his greatness. No director alive would be casting him as a kindly uncle any time soon. Luckily for Robinson, he landed a regular role in the 1990s series Deep Space 9. This saved him from typecast obscurity and he now runs a theatre company in Los Angeles.

There have been no reports of him actually killing anyone. CM

Page 15 - Around Brussels in 30 days

Coasting along: Why you won’t draw a blank in Blankenberge Brussels route is a real Corker Operator Aer Lingus has begun flying between Cork and Brussels, three times per week in each direction.

The introduction of the new route service could generate some €10 million for Ireland’s south-west region and will also serve as a catalyst to develop greater trade links between Ireland and Belgium.

“Brussels has been a very popular destination for Irish tourists and business people for many years,” said Aer Lingus Director of Communications Declan Kearney.

“In recent years, it’s also a market in which we’ve experienced increased inbound traffic to Ireland, so we’re very excited about this new route’s potential to bring increased visitors to Cork and the Munster region,” Kearney added.

A delighted Irish in Europe Association pointed out that Brussels is a lucrative market for Irish goods and services, being the third richest region in Europe, having a population of 1.2 million and containing 229,000 English speakers.

For all that, there are few Irish goods on the shop shelves in Brussels.

“We have a most difficult task here in Brussels to instil a sense of commercial reality,” said Irish In Europe Association International President Denis J. Buckley.

“However, we believe that the direct link to Cork will help change the whole dynamics of doing business in Belgium.”

The Irish in Europe Association was formed in 2011 and works to help raise the profile of Ireland as a holiday destination and to assist in the promotion of Irish goods and services.

In anticipation of the new Cork to Brussels route, it started an awarenessbuilding programme for Cork though the formation in 2010 of the Cork Jazz Festival Club of Brussels and has recently released a CD of Irish melodies with some ragtime and blues to promote the new route.

Not only that, but it has named the Irish Village in Brussels as the Cork Irish Village for 2012 and established the Brussels Cork Airport Support Group on Facebook.

Special promotions of Cork and the South West region will continue during 2012 in addition to other ongoing promotions to boost the profile of Ireland as a venue for holidays.

The Irish in Europe Association says it will continue its campaign to have direct flights between Brussels and Shannon International Airport in the West of Ireland and also support the campaign to have direct flights between Brussels and Belfast in Northern Ireland. The group insists that

the new Brussels connection with Cork Airport removes any impediment to hold informal meetings of the Irish Presidency of the European Union in 2013 in Cork and Killarney, and is pressuring MEPs from Munster to ask the Irish government to review its decision to concentrate all EU-Presidency related meetings in Dublin.

Martin Banks visits the Belgian seaside town of Blankenberge Sandwiched between its better-known neighbours Ostende and Knokke, Blankenberge is a relatively peaceful spot along the country’s bustling coast, although two of the coast’s best visitor attractions - the Sea Life centre and Serpentarium - are based here.

At Sea Life, more than 50 aquariums showcase the mysteries of the underwater world. With more than 2,500 creatures, the centre offers a splendid selection from the world’s oceans.

The Serpentarium offers an acquatic journey through a spectacular unspoilt forest crawling with spiders, lizards and salamanders. The towering rocky walls, tropical plants, superb waterfalls and pleasant temperature show the animals are in their ‘element’.

Just up the road is the Seafront maritime theme park, located in a former fish market and providing a wealth of information plus a Russian submarine and former lightship.

The resort can be easily reached from Brussels in 90 minutes by car.

The same goes for those heading there by train.

Blankenberge boasts a great sandy beach and a couple of Englishstyle piers, which host regular shows and events.

But, while at the coast, it is also worth venturing a little inland to discover some of the best villages in Flanders. One such is Lissewege, only a few kilometres from the busy promenade at Blankenberge.

With quaint, white-washed houses, cobbled streets, a picturesque canal and large polder fields, it’s a good example of how a Flemish village once looked and is named as one of the 15 most beautiful villages of Flanders.

Probably the best place to stop for a bite to eat here is De Goedendag, run for the past 20 years by cook and owner Luc De Winter and family.

It’s known for its fine and ‘nostalgic’ kitchen, where, says Luc (pictured), the authentic taste of his dishes always has priority. He is joined by his daughters Charlotte, 24, and 26-year-old Celine, and aims for gastronomy, service and authenticity of the highest order.

Diners can start with an aperitif at the heart-warming fireplace and then discover the unique glass wine cellar. The resto, which opened in 1990, has a lunch menu and a six-course set menu priced from €43-52 and these are changed weekly. The main menu changes every three months with its choice of four each of starters, mains and desserts.

Everything from game and fish to steaks are served. All are delicious.

Another good local spot for lunch or dinner is ‘t Pakhuis which has magnificent views of the marina at Zeebrugge.

This is a cosy family restaurant from where you can watch the fishing boats and pleasure craft come and go in the harbour, and is well known for its delicious fresh seafood delivered directly from the North Sea. While Viviane provides a nice welcome to guests and serves in the restaurant, her partner Patrick Derudder does the cooking.

House specialities are, of course, fish, notably lobster, sole and turbot.

Smoked Norwegian salmon is cooked on a large open fire in the middle of the restaurant.

Patrick, who is supplied with fresh fish three times a week, took over the restaurant six years ago having worked as a fisherman for 25 years.

He decided to go for a change because of the ongoing economic problems afflicting the fishing industry.

“A restaurant had been here for 40 years but we’ve changed the interior substantially,” he said. “It’s a bit of unpredictable but we’re always very busy during the summer months.”

Back in Blankenberge is the 3-star Alfa Inn, owned and run by Dirk Kamoen and his family and located 150 yards from the seafront, main shops and casino. The hotel offers 70 identical rooms and 22 apartments, all with shower, toilet, TV and radio. It provides a very large English breakfast buffet (eggs, croissants, orange juice, fresh fruit salad) and a pianist often plays in the the morning at breakfast.

Blankenberge is, overall, a clean and pleasant seaside resort ideal for trips to Brugge, The Netherlands, Ostende or Antwerp. It’s also known for its nightlife during the season, so can make for an ideal and occasionally lively short-break destination.

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Around Brussels in 30 days - Page 16

Page 17 - Around Brussels in 30 days

‘It’s the foodie bit, dahling...’

Daphne’s Brussels high five Daphne Wayne-Bough takes us through five of her fave restaurants, from value business lunches to salary-withering big nights.

Belga Queen

staff. Don’t leave without visiting the toilet.

That’s all I will say on the subject. Expect €50-70 a head evenings, business-lunch menu at €18.

O Bifanas

Uber-trendy or what? This former bank refitted by interior designer Antoine Pinto, the man behind Midi Station (the restaurant, not the station) and the O2 dome catering facilities, is reminiscent of 1980s London, divided up into different spaces to create different moods.

Oyster bar, cigar bar, lounge area, proper sit-up restaurant, brasserie are arranged around bits of quirky sculpture. The list of famous Belgians in the entrance will surprise you. Modern European cuisine favouring Belgian specialities (perfect chips beautifully presented in a cone) is served by beautiful and well-trained young waiting

Of the many Portuguese restaurants in Brussels this is arguably the best. Sebastiao is mein host with the most luxurious moustache.

The food is delicious (see picture opposite), home made pasteis de nata are served on a Friday or Saturday - €30-50 per head. Booking advised, it’s tiny. Check out the photos on the wall of Sebastiao with famous clients such as Barroso, and football legend Eusebio.

Le Manicure This former Delvaux leather goods factory

(pictured far right) has been refitted out into a labyrinthine modular space with a postmodern decor. Inventive modern European cuisine with a soupcon of exotic influence is attractively served by speedy young professional staff. Just reading the menu makes your mouth water. Fish dishes are tantalizingly described: ‘Goujonnettes of sea bream cooked in Melegueta pepper with an emulsion of blood orange and red curry’ or ‘Fillet of Spanish sea bass cooked one side in its skin, with a beetroot and lime vinaigrette’. Meat dishes are equally elaborate, and there is at least one vegetarian option. Can be a bit noisy, due to its size. Private rooms, and even two whole upper floors can accommodate groups ranging from ten to 250.

Lunchtime menu €16, ‘Clin d’oeil’ three-course menu for €35, or a five-course tasting menu with wines for €70, which takes all the tedious decision-making away. Covered terrace for warmer evenings.

La Truffe Noire At the high end of Brussels dining, La Truffe Noire is extremely classy and very expensive.

The place to go for that all-important birthday, marriage proposal, or wedding anniversary.

The list of famous Belgians in the Belga Queen entrance will surprise you Everything is exquisite, hand-made, beautifully presented and served with un charme fou by Luigi. Even ladies’ handbags get their own little stool. Tasting truffles is one of the 100 things to do before you die, and this is the place to do it.

The livre d’or has been signed by everyone from Prince Charles to Barroso and five heads of state who had a summit in the private dining room upstairs, and inter-course smokers can light up in the cigar bar upstairs. Menus start at €50 and go up to €225.

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New Ethiopian restaurant between the Béguinage and Place de Brouckère (pictured opposite, top). Ethiopian food is worth a try for its novelty value – nothing like what you might expect. Spongey sourdough pancakes serve as plate and cutlery for tasty meat and vegetarian slow-cooked dishes in a convivial, communal setting. Best to go as a group, to share the love, or à deux, when you can do the romantic Ethiopian thing of feeding each other by hand.

If not sure what to order, the staff will make suggestions and explain how to eat it. Cool

Ethio-jazz provides the background in the week, weekends there is live music, but not always Ethiopian. Expect to pay around €30 per head.

Belga Queen 32 Rue Fossé-aux-Loups Tel: 02 217 21 87 La Manufacture 12 Rue Notre Dame du Sommeil Tel: 02 502 25 25 O Bifanas 30 Rue des Dominicains Tel: 02 502 25 48 La Truffe Noire Boulevard de la Cambre 12 Tel: 02 640 44 22 (Closed 8-15 April) Toukoul 34 Rue de Laeken Tel: 02 223 7377 Read more of Daphne’s Dinners here

Page 19 - Around Brussels in 30 days

Happy birthday to us!

One year old in April

Sports * DJs * Cocktails * Karaoke * Ladies’ Nights...and more

Tippler’s ‘Notes on the Back of a Beermat’

Bar-related musings from our (award-winning) man in the corner

Well, Easter has rolled around yet again, Spring is in the air and it’s no wonder the dust bunnies at Tippler Towers are breeding like rabbits. But bollocks to cleaning the living space - there’s so much more fun you can have with a feather duster.

Anyways, with half-decent weather comes the half-indecent clothing of the girlies, so sitting at home fretting about hunting down cobwebs, cleaning windows or rustling up a SWAT team to defumigate the bog can wait till it inevitably starts raining and the temperatures plummet in time for what we around these parts laughably call ‘Summer’.

That fat, lazy bastard Denzil, meanwhile, wouldn’t recognise a vacuum cleaner if it leaped out of the closet and tried to blow him off but, then again, my dear old drunken mate has never set much store by hygiene, personal or otherwise.

There’s that famous quote: “Whenever I hear the word ‘culture’ I remove the safety from my Browning!” and if you were to swap ‘culture’ for the word ‘bleach’ and ‘Browning’ for ‘cricket bat’ you’d get a rough idea of Denzil’s attitude to cleanliness.

His kitchen sink is the ideal breeding ground for as-yet-unclassified lifeforms. These feverishly multiply among the filthy cups, stained saucers, stinky plates and beer mugs until Winter, when they move en masse to the relative warmth and comfort of Denzil’s grey, disgusting and overwhelmingly fetid undercrackers. It’s a wonder Shameless the Barman even lets him near The Oirish, to be honest, let alone allowing him within ten metres of the lav.

Denzil’s more unsavoury aspects have often caused our very good and much-loved friend Sam to wrinkle his nose in disgust, but then again he can be a bit of a pompous twat on occasion.

Sam is a wordsmith of some repute (most of it ‘ill’) and not surprisingly for one with a tendency to lean towards the pretentious uses a pen name - Sam. J. Weerd. Nobody knows what the ‘J’ stands for, of course, although Denzil has posited a few theories over the years.

These get ever-more outrageous in direct proportion to the amount of beer being imbibed (and as Sam gets more huffy) to the point that, one Christmas, Denzil suddenly slapped his forehead, leapt unsteadily to his feet and screamed at the top of his voice to the whole bar that he finally knew exactly what mystery name was being represented by the tenth letter of the alphabet.

The fact that he then yelled out a very short word indeed that actually began with the letter ‘C’ did not fill Our Sam with one jot of festive spirit but had the rest of us nearly pissing ourselves.

As it happens, the last time the Three Musthavebeers were together, Denzil had recently returned from Blighty where his doddery old mum had clearly done his washing, or at least enough of it to stop him minging for a fortnight. So it was with considerably less bitching and whining than usual that the Palais de Bo’s Arse sports bar and grill had

what Tippler will euphemistically call the pleasure of our company for the first time in a ‘coon’s age.

The reason for our patronage was that this bottled-testosterone factory was showing a football match between Sam’s beloved West Ham and Denzil’s equally adored Arsenal.

While Denzil has had a long and mostly unrequited love affair with The Gunners over the years, often involving pain, betrayal, even the occasional threat of divorce, Sam is a relative newcomer to the beautiful game. He finally took on the Hammers after a brief flirtation with Aston Villa, presumably because they wear the same colours and he didn’t have to cough-up for a new scarf.

As the game got going and the lager started flowing, Denzil got busy showing a ‘forrin’ barmaid the intricacies of the offside rule using salt and pepper pots, a fork, a beermat, a sugar cube and, with a flourish, a past-its-shag-by-date johnny plucked from his jeans pocket.

The barmaid barely batted an eyelid at this first offence but one had the feeling that a caution was not far off. Denzil has been red-carded on numerous occasions, usually for trying to go down early in the opposition’s box, but this one took the biscuit.

Just as fat lad was pointing out to the by-now fidgeting barmaid that she ought to learn about football (‘not soccer, luv’) and support The Gunners, his team duly scored and the pub erupted.

Sam wasn’t too happy, of course, but then his disappointment was as nothing compared to the shock and horror a moment later as Denzil looked at the telly, turned back to the barmaid and roared: “Yeeees, one-nil. We’re one up! That’s why you should follow The Gunners, girl...”

He paused. The pub held it’s breath. Denzil went for it. “Yes, darlin’.

Because you’ll always love it when it’s one up the Arse!”

Down and dark: Make mine a Matonge

In the heart of downtown Brussels at 79 Rue Grétry, B-1000 Join us by clicking here on Facebook and Twitter

Deep in the heart of the commune of Ixelles, a stone’s throw from the much-posher bars and restaurants of Rue St Boniface, is a bustling ethnic quarter. Nicknamed Matonge, after a part of Kinshasa, this bit of Brussels is a must-visit (although it can get a bit dodgy late at night).

Specifically, the pedestrian section of the street Rue Longue Vie features bar after bar and, while none of them stand out individually, the cumulative effect of lots of outdoor tables, brightly coloured national costumes, music and general chit-chat in a multitude of languages and dialects makes for a cracking evening out. Especially on those (rare) hot summer’s nights. Not to be missed.

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