Ready or Not, Here Comes September

By dr. Jen altman

Last year, at this time, we were grateful to get back to a normal school year. We welcomed the reappearance of full, in-person school days, athletics, tournaments, dance classes, recitals, theater performances, field trips, social lives and planning celebrations. While this was indeed wonderful, we couldn’t anticipate how stressful and exhausting it would be. Restoring what used to be “typical” took a toll, requiring greater endurance, focus, social skills and energy than it had in the past. After two years of disruption, this summer break was more appreciated than ever before.

Summer break has always been an antidote to feeling overwhelmed. Things slow down as the weather gets warmer and school’s out for summer. Longer days combined with fewer responsibilities make life easier and more relaxed. As we head back into the fall, languorous summer energy slips away, replaced with anticipation of full calendars, homework, tests and soccer tournaments. Since change is the only constant in life, how can we get better at weathering this transition? How can we move from a lazy, hazy, less-scheduled summer into a structured school schedule while still holding onto some of that bliss?

It might help to understand why change is so difficult. Change challenges our sense of predictability and certainty. When change happens, it threatens our sense of control. When our controls get overwhelmed, stress is the result. Few things are more overwhelming than the start of a new school year. Returning to school after summer break isn’t just about entering a new classroom, meeting a new teacher or even starting a new school. It’s a major event that disrupts and challenges our mindset... again.

Emails to order next year’s school supplies are sent out in June – who wants to click on that link? Stores set out displays with notebooks, folders, pencils and binders in late July boasting “back-to-school savings.” Class schedules come out in late summer sending older children to their phones texting and posting

with hopes of being in classes with their friends. Not to mention the fall clothes shopping that becomes its own battleground. As August fades into September, a feeling of dread sets in. Suddenly the slow pace of summer with its flexible timelines and fewer demands revs from zero to 60.

Sending our children back to school reminds us of our own experiences. We can’t help remembering how we struggled when we were in middle school, how scary it was to be a little person taking a big bus for the first time or feeling doubt about our ability to achieve. For parents, those concerns are compounded by other worries, like when your child is assigned to the new teacher in the grade or how the pandemic has impacted our children’s academic readiness or college applications. We hope we will be able to set our children up for academic success while also managing their social lives and making sure they are active and involved. It’s a tall order to fill, and we expect to put all the puzzle pieces together and orchestrate them like a maestro.

When faced with the transition from summer to fall, it’s easy to feel sad and stressed. Take a moment to acknowledge the challenges this time brings. You have what it takes to help yourself and your family feel more prepared for the excitement that is surely yet to come.

Dr. Jen Altman is a New York- and New Jersey-licensed clinical psychologist with over 20 yearsof experience who still suffers from the back-to-school blues. She is currently in private practice in Saddle River. Dr. Altman works with children, teens and adults dealing with a variety of issues related to anxiety, depression, learning differences, motivation, social skills and family conflict. Dr. Altman consults with schools, offers professional development workshops, writes social-emotional learning curriculum and presents on a wide variety of topics. She is the mother of two amazing teens and co-creator of The Worry Chest. Find out more at www.drjenaltman.com. So, how do we help our children negotiate this challenging time? Here are some suggestions:

• Talk About It. So often we don’t bring up difficult topics because we’re worried it’ll make our children more upset. But making it safe to discuss feelings only helps them gain a better understanding. Have a family meeting and ask your children what they’ll miss most about the summer. Discuss highlights you’ve shared. Talk about the fall and what you must look forward to. Discuss aspects of school that are exciting. Keeping the conversation positive while respecting the sadness of summer being over helps shift perspective.

• Get Practical. Organization is your friend. Stress occurs when things are unforeseen. With a plan, that is less likely to happen. Gaining a big picture view, whether with a wall calendar, an appointment book, or a phone calendar, helps you feel more prepared. Setting reminders on your phone is helpful, especially when settling into a new routine.

• Routines. Routines and schedules keep everyone on track. Preparing for school the night before – choosing clothes, making a designated spot for backpacks and shoes, making lunch – as well as establishing a morning schedule in advance – are good places to start.

• Be Patient. It may be easier for you to get back to a busy schedule than it is for your brood. Know your audience and understand that no matter how much you try to make it as easy as possible, the unexpected will occur. Whether it’s last-minute outfit changes, lost sneakers, forgotten lunches, or hair that won’t cooperate, don’t forget to breathe and give yourself a break too!

• It Takes A Village. Get connected. Whether it’s reaching out to a neighbor to organize a carpool, joining your school’s parent-teacher organization or educational foundation or volunteering in the community, being involved will help you understand your children’s experience. It will also provide a valuable network of other parents undergoing the same struggles. Sharing resources, commiserating and helping each other provides much needed reassurance and support, especially during transitional times.

• Self-care. Let’s be honest, one upside of children returning to school is having more time to focus on yourself. Whether you use that time to work, reconnect with friends, volunteer, exercise or write the next great American novel, remember that taking care of yourself will help you feel more capable of taking care of everyone else.