Blended families

Blended Families go beyond genetics

Families can grow and change, but love remains the common bond

By Lorie Beardsley Contributing writer November is a special month for my family. It is a time we remember the 30 children who have been part of our lives, many for just a few months, and some for only a few days. As a sixteen-year-old who had no interest in babies or having a family of my own, neither at that point or ever in my life, I wasn’t too excited to hear that the topic of a (rarely called) family meeting was that my parents had decided to become foster parents. I don’t remember jealousy being an issue. It was more the teenage notion that I didn’t like the idea of changes that could mean inconvenience for me. ough I don’t remember exactly how I made that point, I am certain that I expressed some protest at the possibility of having to take care of crying babies. Even as a narcissistic teenager, I began to nd that the experience was somewhat interesting, though. I remember coming home from school one day and mom saying that we should go look in the crib. A little girl just a few days old lay sleeping, tucked tightly in a blanket in the center of the pure white sheet. At times my parents would be called to take a placement and would have to go to the hospital to pick up the babies who had no parents waiting eagerly to take them home. If the child were a little older, a department of social services sta member would bring the child to our house. My parents chose to take placements of infants primarily, but would on occasion take children in the toddler age group. I think the oldest child who spent time as a foster child in our home was nearly three years old. Due to space in the household and the preference of my parents, we usually had only one child in our home at a time. I believe it was only once that we had two children for a few months. at was certainly an interesting experience as both were less than a year old and were only about six months apart in age. While the children were in our home, they were part of the family, though few if any of them would remember their time with us. I remember many of them, though. It was our family tradition to spend Christmas Eve at grandma’s. She was in her 80’s and lived in an apartment complex for senior citizens. Her apartment was nice and had an ample living room area. She needed help to decorate and to host the celebration by that point, but the table top tree was looking lovely, and the nativity set that had been a part of her Christmas Eve décor for decades was set up on the mid level of the stand that held her TV. Below the nativity scene on a so blanket on the oor one of the foster babies lay sleeping. Under the Christmas tree, grandma had a little package for that little girl. ough it was an inexpensive toy, it was a gi from the heart for a little girl who would only be part of our family for a few weeks. Some of the foster babies were with us for only a few weeks, some for a few months, but two little girls were with us for over a year, and those two changed our family forever. I was a senior in high school when they rst came to us. She was brought into our living room by a DSS worker who handed her to me. She was about six months old with blond, curly hair. I was away at college when my parents went to court and celebrated her adoption into our family. I was also away at college when my family took another adorable little girl, who had come into our home as an infant, to see that same judge who had granted the rst adoption and would grant this adoption as well. As a college student and then as a young adult working in another city, I missed a lot of the details of their growing up, but I was always excited to see them and to spend time with them when I was home for the holidays. e younger was given several physical challenges through the DNA of her biological parents, and though she could say it’s not fair, she is a sweet and loving person who enjoys playing the violin and has even become friends with some members of the popular musical group Celtic Women. She now spends three days a week working in the kitchen of a local community organization, helping to prepare meals for the participants in the programs. e older of the two has been married for several years, has a lovely home, has become a mother and has moved on with her life in a way that, as once an exuberant part, has le a bit of a gap in the family. When families change or merge, we always want that happily ever a er summary, but life is complicated,