Copyright Š 2014 by Hayward Enterprises Inc. All rights to text and illustrations are reserved by Tracy Hayward. This work may not be copied, reproduced, transmitted, distributed, stored in a database or retrieval system, or translated in whole or in part without written permission of the publisher. Hayward Enterprises, Incorporated 2700 Napa Valley Corporate Dr. Suite L Napa, California 94558 (707) 299-3950 Tracy@heicreativeconcepts.com
www.surrendertoyoursenses.com First Edition: November 2014 Graphic Design by Montia Garcia Editors Camille Hayward & Marissa Roche
Front Cover Artwork: First Steps into the Cosmos Back Cover Artwork: Moon Glow This Page Artwork: Out of the Chasm Opposite Page Artwork: Artwork: Seeking Truth Beyond ii
TABLE OF CONTENTS Preface - iv Heartfelt Love - 2 Wisdom - 20 Inner Angst & Battle - 40 Being At Peace - 50 Life Lessons - 62 Soul Awareness - 90 G.O.D. - 136 Playful Whimsy - 160 Poetry & Proverb Index - 169 Art Appendix - 171 iii
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This book is dedicated to His Holiness Buddha Maitreya & Mandarava Tara
www.buddhamaitreya.org www.shambhalahealingtools.com
Opposite Page: Cascade of Understanding
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PREFACE I write this preface to Expressions from My Cosmic
Origin from the front porch of my family’s cabin in June Lake, California. Located in the Eastern
Sierras, it is a place that has not changed much in the past fifty years. Its rugged, natural beauty and
frontier sites of the old west attract curious visitors from around the world. Beautiful aspens, abounding in full autumn color surround me. I come to this remote place often to practice being present in nature. This morning I am alone, playing music of SĹ“ur Sourire, or The Singing Nun, on my thirty-five-yearold-year old Bang and Olufsen turntable. I enjoy listening to her sweet voice in harmony with her guitar celebrating God, allowing my soul to dance freely as in childhood. This book of art and poetry is a compilation of creative expressions made during the past two years when I found pockets of time to be
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Photos: Cabin view, June Lake, California
alone on my quest to recover my childlike sense of wonder and imagination.
Funny enough, I found time to retreat while trapped in a grizzly divorce with a corrupt judge (who
was forced to recuse herself), outrageous collusion with opposing counsel, a forest of legal shenanigans, and a protracted legal battle that jeopardized my business, a specialty foods company I began 25 years ago out of the back of my parents’ home. Add to all that an attempted corporate siege and takeover of my business in 2013 and I had a perfect storm for forcing change. As painful deceit was revealed and I began to encounter criminal legal abuse as part of these unethical divorce proceedings, I had to work hard to become and return to being peaceful. My sanity and healing required I retreat regularly from the world to remain in balance in spite of my challenges.
Photos: Mono Lake and ghost town of Bodie nearby
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In January of 2013, a surprise IRS business audit taking
four months, allowed me a health retreat to Grand Cayman Island. Surrounded by Caribbean blue-green waters, I allowed myself time to recover from the darkness that had
crept into my marriage and from lingering ill health. There in quiet solitude, in different seaside villas I rented on the
backside of the island, I discovered that the safer and more secure I began to feel, the more openly I began to express
from a place inside myself I had not known in a very long time. By giving myself time to play, dance and be peaceful, I fell in love with myself again.
My poetry recounts my rediscovery of my inner light energy—a cosmic gift to all humans seeking to experience God’s wonder and wisdom. Peace, the greatest gift born
from a spiritual awakening, has rekindled my sense of spontaneity and childlike nature, allowing me to come to terms with the loss of my friend and marriage partner. I now admit openly that I can behave like a modern day hermit, finding delight in being quiet and seeking time in God apart from an otherwise noisy and fractured world. By taking pen to paper in prose, poems, and proverbs, I have written love letters to my soul, which I now share with you. Making the most of the time being to heal my physical and etheric body, I have been made as new through my art as therapy. When I began to paint in abstract, I let myself play in color, express my feelings, and respond to the viii
Photos: The Cayman Islands
harmonic sounds of music I played while painting. Letting go
of many artists’ rules, I became tuned into my inner voice and senses. I have taught myself to look at each painting from many viewpoints, turning my board regularly to forge a fresh perspective. I do not know my subject in advance. Only
when my canvas speaks to me, offering up self-understanding, is it finished. I paint with a variety of art mediums—pastels, watercolor, Sumi inks, and loose mineral pigments.
Personal as it has been profound, I have quietly been
revitalized by the light of Christ that dwells inside of each of us. Through my practice of becoming still, I now understand the power of self-healing through a daily practice of
meditation. Buddha Maitreya’s teachings, music, and healing tools have generated telepathic insights and wondrous cosmic light energy—gifts that have massaged my soul through my personal trial. I make time to play each day and I allow my imagination once again to soar. By taking stock of myself, reducing many of my life’s glamours and distractions, and slowing the pace of my daily routine to a sweeter rhythm where I can ‘feel’ my day, I have healed greatly to enjoy being more peaceful and present. I am managing the criminal legal abuse better and I hope to find a platform to expose the unethical and unlawful dealings in our current legal system. Until then, I dare to dream of a more peaceful world where we humans may connect in love to live as One.
Photos: The Cayman Islands and Tracy at play
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