8 minute read
Showing Up to the
Showing Up to the Page
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By Beka Buckley
Whenever I speak about my practice of morning pages, people are always curious to know more. In their simplest sense, they are free-form writing used to detox the mind of negative detritus that keeps us stuck or looping in unproductive thought patterns. I was first introduced morning pages through Julia Cameron’s classic book and self-directed course, The Artist’s Way, which officially defines them as: “three pages of longhand writing, strictly stream-of-consciousness.” There is no right or wrong way to do morning pages; they are not journaling or even “writing” in the common sense of the word, but simply the practice of showing up to the page and writing whatever comes to mind. No topic or meandering is off-limits. No correct punctuation or grammar required. And absolutely NO editing or revision (aka censorship) allowed. Designed as a tool for what is termed “creative recovery”, morning pages are the space for our inner critic to let loose unfettered until it has nothing left to say and starts repeating itself. All you have to do as facilitator is to show up and keep your hand moving across the page. However, how I actually use morning pages and what I get out of them has evolved much in that time. Most significantly, while for a long time I did indeed write in the morning, as the name and original guidance suggests, in more recent years I have switched up to an evening, or even middle-of-the-night, writing session. But the same format rules apply: free-write, brain dump, stream of consciousness. Morning pages have been and continue to be my place to rant and wax lyrical on whatever it is that is bugging me in that moment. Far better to rant to the forgiveness of the blank page than other, less forgiving mediums. An anxious mind is one that likes to travel into the past to replay and rerun things over and over. In writing these things down, I can begin to spot the patterns, what my triggers are and the values that underlie them. Like a detective, this is all valuable research, and, every time the stories repeat I can draw in new tools and awareness to navigate and resolve them. Over the years, I find morning pages have become a form of writing meditation. Julia Cameron actually speaks of this in her book when first introducing the tool, but for me it was more something I discovered in the practice of doing them, rather than any conscious intent to make them such. As I write, I notice this moving meditation (so far as one is moving the pen across the page and one’s mind is active rather than trying to quiet) is a point of focus for my busy mind to return to again and again when the awareness of having gone down the rabbit hole and becoming lost in “the drift” dawns. It is the practice of noticing and bringing myself back to the page. I have discovered unintentionally—but quite fascinatingly—a tool for managing my anxiety at those moments when I realize I am on the descent into a spiral of anxiety overwhelm. Caught at just the right moment, I can refocus my experience of this wave onto the page when vocalizing it becomes frozen and mute. That adrenaline gets an outlet, and I can engage the frenzied monkey mind, riding the wave to refocus back to a logical mind and the present of RIGHT NOW. THIS moment. Beyond all this mental noise, the most rewarding aspect of the morning pages is the space to practice the art of writing— to find, express and evolve my unique writing voice.
“Remembering that it is my job to DO the work, not JUDGE the work…I will take care of the QUANTITY. Great Creator take care of the QUALITY.” –Julia Cameron, The Artist’s Way
Committing to the process of daily morning pages (first thing, upon waking, before even coffee), come what may, reveals that our mood does not matter. Creativity does not need special circumstances to operate. That mood is actually a form of censorship, of FEAR, over quality not QUANTITY. It is the mind taking control, rather than us allowing the flow of ideas. The practice of morning pages is then about being prolific rather than profound in our activity as creators. Like another mentor of mine, Lisa Sonora, once said, as a “cartography of higher purpose, morning pages map our own interior…the pages lead us out.”
HOW I USE MORNING PAGES TODAY
HOW TO GET STARTED
So, with all this in mind and the idea of morning pages now eagerly sparking your curiosity, how should you begin? After all, there can be many roadblocks that pop up the moment the idea of your creative recovery is even mentioned. So let’s make this super accessible to even the most stubborn of inner gremlins: 1) Keep things simple—think cheap and cheerful when it comes to the actual materials you will need. You will go through a lot of these, so keep it as cost-effective and 37
non-threatening as you can. Morning pages really are just for you, so my strong recommendation is to pick up trusty dollar store school supply composition books and a pack of basic ballpoint pens or pencils. It is best to stay away from the gorgeous, yet scary, (to your inner critic) expensive journals and writing implements. (I tried a moleskine notebook once, and we did not get on. Lesson learned!) 2) Start small—I literally started with the smallest pocket notebook I could find (again, inexpensive) and over the duration of the initial 12-week course slowly grew onto larger surfaces. The idea of writing THREE. WHOLE. PAGES. felt impossibly ludicrous at first. This is normal. So to ease myself into the process, I went small. Once convinced that it was possible for a mom of two boys under 8 at the time to have space to do this, I became hungry for more space, and my page size naturally grew. 3) Allow flexibility—so, confession time: due to family commitments, I will admit to writing only two pages most weekday mornings during school in those early years, but weekends, holidays and those wakeful nights I wrote the desired three. Over the years, there were times when things did slip, but it’s funny how once you get into the groove of something, however difficult it is in the beginning, you kind of miss it when you aren’t doing it. These days I really notice the difference on the days when I have done my pages with those that I haven’t. Certainly the nights are a lot better. I simply operate better on the days when I write. But honestly, just as with any daily habit, if you miss a day, or two or three, or five, get back on it and carry on. Life will always happen. 4) Just WRITE—put pen to paper and begin transcribing the stream of thought from mind to paper. Even if that is abstract noises, exclamations, or as crazy as it sounds, the statement: “I do not know what to write…” Put it on the page. This is the mental debris that needs to be cleared before more cohesive thought can flow. Rather like tuning an instrument, the instrument in question is your cognitive mind.
A CARTOGRAPHY OF US
It’s funny, but so many people make a big deal out of journaling, like it’s some giant performance that needs structure and prompts and rules and needs to be “taught.” But it really can be as simple as getting any blank book, a tool for writing and just putting the thoughts that you carry onto the page. All those structures and prompts and rules? They are all about that inner critic—about making it PERFECT. Like it’s some form of weird competitive, performance art to be judged. And that is not what morning pages, or journaling even in its purest sense, are about at all. Quite the opposite. Yes, it is a PRACTICE, but not one that needs to be taught, only committed to in the quest to reveal “the how.” The pages of a blank book are for your process only. They are as unique as the individual writing them. Your pages will not look like mine, or mine like another’s. This is not school or work, but a place of true safety and FREEDOM where we can be ourselves—imperfect, human— and let it all hang out, warts and all. In a world that has so few spaces that are truly private, the pages can be a haven for connecting without judgment to our inner self. A place for the gremlins to run until they are utterly exhausted and have nothing else to say. A place for us to pull back the veil and come home. Pages are our map back to ourselves.
Photo Credit: Unsplash/Peter Jones
Beka Buckley is a creative visionary, philosopher, shamanic witch and consultant to kings. She supports brilliant highperformers in design and tech as they regain their equilibrium, stand in true sovereignty and become the leaders of a new paradigm. A bird of English origin, BEKA lives in the quiet mountain forests of British Columbia, Canada’s southern interior with her superhero husband, two teenage sons and three tuxedo cats. When not supporting others to navigate uncertainty and create awesome things, BEKA can be found wandering the local forest trails, taking photos, or expressing her spirit journey through fiber or Earth art. For more information, visit http://www.justbeka.com.
