I Survived My Own Children Being Turned Into Incentives For Me To Detransition by

Alysha V. Scarlett

In a call with my parents – the first big one with them after I came out to them – my dad said I needed to “be a man” in order to see my children. As I told them, I am transitioning. Beyond socially transitioning, I am legally a woman in both gender and name and I am currently in the process of medically transitioning. I already wear breast forms and hip pads every day.

In an effort to regain my time with my children, I did outreach, seeking friends who would help me see my 9- and 7-year-old. In response, 14 friends stepped forward, which I appreciate at the deepest level. However, I didn’t get an agreement on any of them. I was told that folks who are parents should be with me. As I told the person who didn’t agree with me, 12 of the 14 are.

Several also have training that certainly put them in the very top echelon of the types of people who are best to be with children. Several, including an ecclesiastical leader recently, also share the religious beliefs of the person who didn’t agree with me. They are the same person who required that my parents be with me when I was with my children. They are a person who said that my transitioning is “a massive change” when I’m simply aligning myself as much as possible with who I have realized I am at my core. That person also said that my children would need to go to therapy for me transitioning –and that I would need to pay for half the cost. That person also told me that I need to repair my relationship with my children. I have no idea what they were talking about.

That person also only agreed to video calls for me with my children for a rather limited time after I transitioned before agreeing to only the precious little Facebook messages. And after the basketball game, I was limited to messages except for two rather brief calls with only my 9-year-old. However, one was because I was making a huge life change in moving to the Los Angeles, Calif. area. With the other, this Star Wars fan was hung up on while in the middle of sharing the moment of being in Galaxy’s Edge, AKA Star Wars Land, for the first time. It was also my birthday.

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ARTWORK TITLE: Innocence

ARTIST: Theodoor Grimes

ARTIST STATEMENT: Modeled after crying statues of the Virgin Mary, Innocence shows a transfemme, crying while being swallowed by a void that ebbs in and out. The Virgin Mary is a holy figure of womanhood, while she herself supernaturally surpasses the biological capabilities of a cisgender woman by giving birth while remaining a virgin. At the same time, religious people tell us what the body of a man or woman should and should not be able to do. They police the bodies of trans folks and deny our gender identities. Meanwhile, religious texts globally are full of stories of people surpassing “biological reality.” The aesthetic of this piece is based on film noir, a genre popularized between the 1920’s and 1950’s that has an idealized vision of womanhood. Women in this genre are often portrayed as precious and worthy of protection. Similarly, transfemmes, and more specifically trans girls growing up, should be allowed to express the full range of their identities and emotions while being protected.

I don’t doubt for a second that the person, their supporters and my immediate family know that the one reason I would theoretically have detransitioned is so I can have my children in my life. Thus, those adults are trying to incentivize that. And that started with fostering antagonism in my children towards me, at the least.

However, I know who I am.

Without hardly any access whatsoever to my children (and a host of other negative fallout in Utah from transitioning) and in being a freelancer, I asked myself, “Why am I here?” My answer being “I don’t know” is why I moved to the Los Angeles area, where I feel completely safe 100% of the time.

There’s a lot to be said for that. And it stands quite in contrast to my struggle to survive the pressures of detransitioning.

AUTHOR BIO: Described by a rival community newspaper as a “big-city cousin,” Alysha V. Scarlett (she/her) has had 101 bylines in USA TODAY, Screen Rant, Bleacher Report, Patch, or The Good Men Project. She was a screenwriter for “Before Your Time,” a theatrical feature film. She also wrote “‘Star Wars' Is Still Intact: Re-finding Yourself in the Age of Trump,” which was published by Thought Catalog Books. She has won 13 writing awards over five years of applying for them. Also, she can write at any time for That Hashtag Show and frequently writes for Medium. Her coverage of Green River, Wyo., drew ire exclusively of the governments in the town. She also has reported stories like whether a Green River ordinance lined up with state law; what a lack of town halls in the wake of the 2016 presidential election said about members of the U.S. Congress; former Rep. Mia Love using campaign funds for outof-state fundraising at Disney World; former President Donald Trump rejecting non-traditional media in Utah after fighting against traditional media otherwise; and a Kaysville, Utah videographer getting a film onto the big screen. And that Love still owed $372K, as required by the Federal Election Commission. None of the media in Utah, where Love’s district was, reported that.

Alysha also spent time with Queer Friends to get to know the Utah group, as part of a roundup of three progressive affairs in right-leaning Utah.

Alysha is an outspoken ex-Mormon. She is also the first person in a rural Utah county to have their name and gender be legally affirmed, as reported by The Heroines of My Life, KSL NewsRadio and Xtra Magazine

SOCIAL MEDIA:

Facebook: @aly.val.scarlett

Instagram: @alyscarlett

Twitter: @rhettrites

That Hashtag Show website: thathashtagshow.com

Alysha V. Scarlett website: alyshavaleriescarlett.com

Medium profile: alyvalscarlett.medium.com

Smoke. Kill. Stay. A Non-linear Detrans Narrative by Shaawan Francis Keahna

Smoke. Kill. Stay. A Non-linear Detrans Narrative by Shaawan Francis Keahna