FlyNamibia February 2024

Beyond the roses

Embracing love and appreciation beyond Valentine's Day

February is traditionally known as the “Month of Love” and by now you’ll already have been besieged by flowers, jewellery, chocolates, and even biltong and power tools that have somehow made their way to the “romantic” display shelves in each and every store you visit (that is if you can find them among the Easter displays that have also been up since 26 December), and are likely sick to death of the colour red!

Far be it for me to begrudge the commercial opportunities offered by Valentine’s Day, but I prefer the idea of expressing my love and admiration on more than one day a year, which leads me to the topic of this month’s column.

There is an episode of Doctor Who which I often think about, and a specific scene in that episode, in which the doctor takes Vincent van Gogh forward in time to visit an art gallery and see what an impact his work and his life really had (you can watch the scene by scanning the QR code at the bottom of the page, but you might want to have a tissue or two handy…).

By all accounts Van Gogh, considered by many to have been one of the greatest artists to have ever lived, died believing that his life’s work had not amounted to anything. He ended his life in 1890 by shooting himself in the chest, dying two days later from the injuries sustained, while thinking himself a complete failure despite evidence (contained in archived letters) that his brother Theo was desperately trying to explain to him the public acclaim and praise that his work was attracting.

What I take away from the episode is that so many people die not knowing how important they were, perhaps not on a global scale, but to the people they met and whose lives they touched while they were alive, and sadly, sometimes even to those closest to them. What I am also reminded of each time I think about the episode is how easy it would be to change that. How often do we hear the lament, “I wish I’d told them when they were still here,” or “If only I had let them know how much they meant to me,” when all it would take is telling them!

Don’t wait for Valentine’s Day. Don’t let people be like Van Gogh, going through their lives not knowing how much they are loved or cared for or that what they do does actually make a difference, tell them!

There is a growing trend internationally, and not just for people suffering dread diseases or who know they are at or nearing the end of their life, to host so-called “living funerals” or “FUNerals”, with the services of death doulas being increasingly in demand, and apps like MyGoodbyes being developed to help with the arrangements. The idea is that you get to know what people think about you while you are still around to hear it. While you would hope that the kind of people who would attend your living funeral would be the kind who actually do care about you deeply, the argument could, I guess, be made that those in attendance may not have the courage or may simply be too embarrassed to be saying what they really believe or feel knowing that you are there to hear it.

And while the idea of inviting people to your living funeral may strike some people as a little too much of a “if you really care, comment on my post and share this status on your profile” scenario, the good news is that it does not have to be that complicated – phone your mother/father/sister/brother/ estranged best friend; tell your coworker you appreciate the help they lent you or just that they are looking especially good today (yes, men like to hear it too); send an email, SMS or WhatsApp to someone you have not spoken to in a while, letting them know you are thinking of them; leave a positive comment on one of your acquaintances’ social media feeds; take the time to ask the cashier/ grocery packer/car guard how they are feeling – and mean it!

Don’t wait for Valentine’s Day. Don’t let people be like Van Gogh, going through their lives not knowing how much they are loved or cared for, or that what they do actually makes a difference… Tell them today! Thank them for just being them and let them know that they matter, because sadly, unlike the Van Gogh in the video, there is no doctor coming to fetch us in his Tardis to show us how important we really were!

Until next month, enjoy your journey.

David Bishop