Re-entering society with Social awkwardness

The seasons have changed, and with that people are eager to explore as well as to connect. However, despite wanting these things, so many people are feeling socially awkward after the pandemic that forced us all indoors and away from one another. We have been in our comfortable bubble, tucked away in an isolated cocoon for over a year. Now with restrictions lifting, many feel that the bubble is bursting. Getting back into a pre-pandemic social mode may feel not-so-normal because unwiring the pandemic-appropriate stress response in the brain may take some time.

Researchers have found that in isolated population groups such as soldiers, astronauts or prisoners, social skills can atrophy just like muscles that are not used. This applies to a greater degree to people who felt socially awkward before the pandemic, for example people with social anxiety. However, now thanks to the pandemic, most people have become more socially awkward.

The author of the book Thriving in Thin Air: Developing Resilience in Challenging Times, Dr. Leo Flanagan, says that “Your brain rewired itself to trigger anxiety whenever you come close to another human being. That makes it very difficult to switch back to greeting someone comfortably and cheerfully”. Plus, now we are up against changing safety recommendations and the rising threat of COVID-19 variants. This continuation of uncertainty, as Dr. Flanagan explains, puts us into a kind of limbo that continues to exhaust our brains when it comes to threatening versus at-ease perceptions of others.

What’s more, all of these emotions drive loneliness, which is another emotion that has ballooned during the pandemic. The problem with this is that the lonelier you are, the more likely you are to be socially anxious. And loneliness drives feelings of being angry, tired, irritable and even sad.

We need connection, we are social beings. We have a need for social contact because it helps us to survive, much like our need for food and water. Without the support of social systems in ancient times, most individuals would fall prey to the elements, predators, etc. When we are denied our social needs, it can lead to consequences in terms of our mental, emotional and physical health. Through this collective experience of being isolated we all have had a reduction in our level of social contact due to the pandemic. On the upside, this means that many people are experiencing the exact same things as you right now. This makes our collective experience one of social awkwardness, something we can all relate to, and commiserate with as we are going through it together.

So as we prepare to re-enter society, what is the single most valuable piece of advice that can help us through the awkward stage? It’s compassion. Self-compassion and compassion towards others. With a little more kindness, towards ourselves and others, we are going to move through this phase and back into a more relaxed state of interaction.

Remember, too, that we probably are not going back anywhere. Some social routines may have changed permanently. This is especially true for routines or norms that have improved as a result of the pandemic. For example, some companies are choosing to retain a combination of online and in-person operations going forward, having seen the benefits to their bottom line.

Whatever the re-entry is for you, be sure to show yourself a lot of compassion because you are dealing with a lot of unknowns. Interacting with people has a whole new layer of confusion because of social distancing protocols, so it is natural that there will be awkward moments. At least we are, for the most part, all in this together, and connected to our feelings of social awkwardness. Our social awkwardness is definitely not isolated.

Kirsty Watermeyer