3 minute read
Don’t feel bad for feeling sad
Do we really understand happiness?
Neuroscientists are challenging traditional views on happiness, arguing that it extends beyond mere emotional states like joy and contentment. They are suggesting that this is old thinking and are highlighting that the part that we are missing is that in our world of duality, often our happiness is intertwined with strife and struggle and that this gives meaning to our joy. This perspective challenges the simplistic notion of happiness solely as a state of continuous pleasure, highlighting its dynamic relationship with adversity and personal growth.
Parenting provides a great example of the complex nature of happiness. Many people cite their children as a profound source of their joy and fulfilment, yet simultaneously acknowledge the challenges and exhaustion that come with parenting. This paradox is at the heart of the emerging New Happy movement, a scientifically informed philosophy gaining traction on social media. Stephanie Harrison, author of the book The New Happy, slated as a book to watch in 2024, delves into this paradox by suggesting that some of life's most meaningful and fulfilling moments are intertwined with difficulty.
Speaking to the Big Think, Harrison notes that “we have gotten happiness all wrong as a society, and if we have a flawed definition of happiness, then we will engage in behaviours that ultimately end up leading us astray.”
Perhaps to understand happiness, we need to look at the things we pursue to feel happy. Are these things material items, or possibly the perception of success and perfection? In a world that is being propelled by influencer culture, a dangerous narrative has been woven into our societal fabric, compelling us to desire things we don't truly need and perpetuating an unattainable standard of perfection. This lifestyle has undermined our sense of contentment and selfacceptance. If we have as a society pushed forward towards material wealth and other worldly successes, then it’s true that we have misunderstood the pursuit of happiness.
Since 1938, the Harvard Study of Adult Development has been investigating what makes people flourish, making this the longest in-depth longitudinal study on human life ever done. What they found out is that there is a strong correlation between deep relationships and well-being. These are not just our relationships, but the truly and deeply meaningful ones. Our most meaningful relationships are the ones with the people who are like a tonic for our soul.
Spending time with them is to refresh or energise one. Now ask yourself, how much of your life you spend with these people. Is it every day, every month or maybe only once a year? The answer to this question will give you insights into how much you are feeding your happiness.
We don’t always put our relationships first, despite research highlighting their significant benefits. Consider this, as inherently social beings, our relationships serve as mirrors, reflecting aspects of ourselves that may be challenging to confront but are essential for personal growth.
The coming months can be stressful for many, with the pressure of the year taking its toll. As we contemplate our own lives, don’t be afraid of the difficulty, it is a necessary part of life. Most people define happy times and difficult times as opposite, but they aren’t.
The dynamic interaction of happiness and sadness creates emotional contrast, enhancing our lived experiences. Similar to how light and dark are essential for perceiving depth and dimension, happiness, and sadness together add layers of complexity to our inner world. In their full spectrum, emotions define our humanity, and we can’t welcome the sweetness of joy without the knowledge that sweetness exists because bitterness does too.
