Modern Love: Everything you need to know about “The Lifestyle”

but were afraid to ask!

Unlocking the Pandora's Box of Swinging Parties: A Journey from Victorian Secrets to Modern Orgies. Modern Sex, Swingers, and Orgies | Forget Covid, here’s how to party like it’s 1999!

A Quick History Lesson

Though the concept of group sex and the orgy has been around forever and a day, the idea of organized parties for like-minded deviants really started (as most perversity often does) behind the closed doors of those outwardly prim and proper Victorians.

Swinging parties have played a significant role in the sexual underground culture, and understanding the origins and the current state of the swinging lifestyle is necessary for contextualizing the conversations around polyamory, non-binary sexuality, self-expression, and cultural and religious liberation. From the repressed Victorian era to modern-day explorations of sexuality, the swinging lifestyle has opened up spaces of exploration, acceptance, and liberation for people of various sexual orientations. For some swinging is a circuit breaker for the societal, political, parental, and religious conventions that can dominate our everyday lives, and the deep-seated need human need for exploration, freedom, and free love without complicated rules or conditions.

Queer spaces were one of the first to develop formal organizational structures for supporting sexual exploration and liberation in an often hostile and bigoted societal atmosphere. Queer clubs, underground gay bars, and party scenes have remained the cornerstone of sexual liberation and public acceptance of LGBTQI individuals, and have remained a source of pride and defiance against intolerance, prejudice, and stigma.

The Origins: Oh those Victorians! Hypocrisy and Hidden Desires

Like a suppressed whisper in the conservative Victorian era, swinging parties emerged from the shadows, shattering the facade of moral rectitude. Behind closed doors, in opulent mansions and exclusive clubs, the elite indulged in sexual escapades, defying societal norms. This predilection for secret indulgence in the taboo and wicked gave rise to the opium den and the earliest photographic pornography. The Victorians’ outwardly despised the carnal and deemed everything immoral, but in secret the upper classes reveled in the forbidden, challenging the narrow confines of Christian monogamy and pushing the limits of their own hedonistic desires.

The Roaring Twenties: Liberation and Excess

As the world emerged from the shackles of the Great War, the Roaring Twenties unleashed a wave of liberation and excess. Flappers flaunted their newfound freedom in lace and sequins, and the spirit of rebellion seeped into the bedrooms of the amorous and adventurous. Despite, or probably because of prohibition, these roaring 1920s parties became a hallmark of the era, fueled by jazz, bootlegged booze, and an insatiable appetite for excess. The fire and brimstone promised by the Puritans and preachers alike failed to stop society from going all to hell anyway! The clandestine nature of these gatherings only added to their allure, making them a haven for those seeking to break free of the depression of economic woes, wars, and pandemics.

The Sexual Revolution: Breaking the Chains

In the 1960s and 70s, the sexual revolution exploded onto the scene, challenging the notion of sexual morality. Swinging parties became a symbol of this radical upheaval, a manifestation of newfound sexual liberation. It was a time when free love, open relationships, and experimentation with soft drugs were on the rise. Woodstock, the Summer of Love, and half-naked groupies worshipping their favorite rock bands at (and after!) concerts were all the rage. Swingers sought to transcend the boundaries of monogamy, engaging in consensual partner-swapping as a means of exploring their desires and forging connections beyond the conservative traditions of their parent's generation. The 1970s swinging scene is probably best exemplified by the urban legend of the fruit bowl full of car keys (to choose a partner) among married couples.

It was also in the 1970s that the Gay Liberation Front (G.L.F) found a voice to advocate for all forms of sexual expression, and their 1970 manifesto stated that "we have the absolute right to live out our lives openly and happily. This includes specifically the right to freedom of sexual expression, choice of partners, and the right of consenting adults to have sex with each other without being punished by the hypocritical authoritarianism of outdated sexual taboos."

The Modern Era: The Lifestyle

Since the 1980’s society has grown used to the phenomena of more open group sex events like Stag Nights, Hen Nights, Strip Clubs, and the public hedonism, recreational drugs, and promiscuity of raves and Ibiza-style club nights. This ushered in a modern era, where swinging parties have undergone an almost gentrified transformation. No longer relegated to the shadows, they have embraced a more open and inclusive approach known as “The Lifestyle”. Online dating agencies, group chat servers, and dedicated clubs provide platforms for like-minded individuals to connect and explore their fantasies. Swinging has become a conscious choice, a consensual exploration of pleasure within committed relationships. In an era where personal autonomy and sexual expression are valued, swinging parties offer a safe space for individuals and couples to navigate their desires, redefine boundaries, and challenge traditional notions of love and monogamy.

Today’s society is more focused on personal growth, mental well-being, and a healthy lifestyle. There is a far greater understanding of concepts like sexual healing, spirituality, and personal fulfillment from sexual intimacy. Our leisure time, and pleasure time, have moved up on the agenda of most people, and the swinging scene continues to explore the endless possibilities that come with diverse sexual expression. More people have become curious to explore non-vanilla sexual configurations, and social media has significantly expanded the swinging scene's outreach, making interpersonal connections easier. The internet has also helped spread positive agendas and aid in the fight against prejudice and disinformation and made connecting with like-minded people more efficient, reducing the stigmatization and censorship leveled against adult freedom of speech.

The Controversy: Taboo, Jealousy, and Judgment

With every revolution comes controversy, and swinging parties are no exception. Critics argue that these gatherings undermine the sanctity of monogamous relationships, questioning the emotional toll they may take on individuals and couples. For most faiths, even those that, ironically, openly support polygamy, like Islam and the Mormons, the idea of an open relationship is still deeply frowned upon. Jealousy and judgment lurk in the shadows, waiting to cast their dark cloud over those who dare to explore their desires beyond conventional norms. Yet, proponents argue that swinging parties can foster open communication, trust, and self-discovery, ultimately strengthening existing relationships.

The swinging lifestyle has existed since recorded history began and reached a zenith in the annals of ancient Rome. It has since become a haven for individuals seeking spiritualism, self-expression, and liberation from sexual confines within mainstream society. The swinging scene has embraced the LGBTQ+ community and opened up spaces for exploration, inspiration, and acceptance of different sexual orientations. The sexual diversity and inclusivity of the swinging lifestyle are some of the reasons why its popularity has seen a resurgence today. As society becomes more receptive to unconventional sexual expressions, the swingers' party scene will remain an excellent sandbox for adults looking to explore their sexual desires and fantasies without fear of judgment or stigma.

Where to begin, or how to break your swinging cherry (safely).

Begin at the Beginning and Talk to your Partner First

Calm those nerves, and just be totally open and honest with your significant other. Let your partner know what you are thinking and feeling, and ask if they would be interested, and want it too. It needs to be consensual and permission should never be taken for granted.

While being open, be sure to explain what they are likely to get out of it. Try to think of all the benefits, and shape the plan to their desires. Never be selfish or egotistical. Make sure they understand you are thinking of them, and their feelings as much as your own. If they don’t agree, or get upset, don’t push or talk over them, listen to their point of view, and respect their wishes.

Set the Boundaries with Your Partner

Once that is all out of the way, and you’ve both agreed to start on the path to being swingers, you need to set the scope and boundaries of your expected participation and activities at parties. It’s important at every step to agree on the do’s and don’ts, and no-thank-you’s, to avoid complications and disputes.

Talk about hygiene and safety practices, what to wear, what toys to bring, what are your turn off’s and turn on’s together, and individually, and be honest about red lines and no-go areas. Roleplay situations with outside partners, and with voyeurism, are you, and your partner comfortable watching and being watched?

Start your Search for like-minded Swingers

Okay. Now you’ve cleared the interpersonal hurdles and so agree on expectations, safety, and boundaries, you can start your search for like-minded sexual partners together. In many ways as newbies, it is best to start out simple, rather than dive headlong into the nearest orgy moshpit. Look for online swinging dating sites and community groups. Look for adult events coming up in the calendar where you can bump into people who share your open-minded curiosity for swinging.

Sometimes it is best to start small. Some wannabe swingers opt to hire an escort to participate in learning the ropes and to watch their partner playing with someone else, and gauge their adverse feelings without any commitment at all to a relationship. Other people start by selecting among their social circle of work colleagues and friends, inviting them over for drinks, and then very gently finding out if they would be interested in more. Always be discrete and remember to accept their desires or boundaries, as much as you accept your own.

Take this advice and you should all get along like a house on fire (except, don’t actually start any fires in the houseexcept rug burns maybe!).

General Tips to get you Swinging

When it comes to getting the swing of things (pun intended), here are some basic tips to get you started the right way:

Approach other adults politely and respectfully, and take your time, there is never a need to rush things.

Make a habit of asking for consent, even for watching, getting undressed, or solo play.

Make sure you have washed all the important parts before and after engaging in things, nothing is more off-putting than poor bodily hygiene.

Safety first, so bring contraception, such as condoms, to protect yourself, others, and your partner’s sexual health.

Avoid talking about their relationships, marriage, or children, as this can be invasive and impolite and risk upsetting people.

Refrain from boasting, bragging, or egotism, as negative comparisons can hurt your feelings, and theirs and give the impression you are toxic.

Respect goes both ways, so don’t engage with a toxic partner, complaining about previous partners and conquests in bed should be a red flag.

Be mindful of neglecting your partner's needs or insecurities, and don’t leave them on their own, especially if they are feeling uncomfortable.

Don’t be critical or cynical if your partner has no interest in a potential third party, always be considerate of their wishes for a consensual and fun time.