The
Bethlehem
Fine
AOY
949
ADVERTISING
Raina
PRODUCTION
Joanne
WRITERS
A.D.
Ricardo
Robert
Geoff
Fredricka
David
Keith
ALL IN GOOD TIME
I’VE BUILT A CAREER around painting in active environments, and few are more active than weddings. Time for my A-game. I’ve done maybe a dozen of them, mostly for friends. When artist Mark Sfirri, knowing I coveted one of his pieces, dangled a swap in front of me and asked me to paint his son’s wedding, it was an easy yes. The event would be small, charming, and civilized. Those are more fun, but less predictable.
Painting a wedding means staying with it wherever it goes. And it will go. I have never painted one that unfolded as it was described or as I expected. I know what I’m told is an approximation. Or maybe a wish. The most important part of the subject will last for just minutes, and the participants usually change po-
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Robert Beck is a painter, writer, lecturer and ex-radio host. His paintings have been featured in more than seventy juried and thirty solo gallery shows, and three solo museum exhibitions. His column has appeared monthly in ICON Magazine since 2005. www.robertbeck.net
STORY & PAINTING BY ROBERT BECK
exhibitions
A Winter’s Tale (and other stories)
The Snow Goose Gallery, 470 Main St, Bethlehem 610-974-9099 thesnowgoosegallery.com
November 17–December 21
Opening reception: Sunday, November 17, 1–5 Hours: Tuesday–Saturday, 11–5
Primarily winter-themed works by three internationally acclaimed artists: Sue Adair (NY), Judy Lalingo (MD), and Linda Rossin (NJ). Subjects vary from birds and wildlife to serene landscapes. Visit the show at thesnowgoosegallery.com.
Luke Wynne
Photography; view/Finder
Bethlehem Town Hall Rotunda Gallery
10 E. Church St., Bethlehem bfac-lv.org
November 12–December 19, 2024
Artist Reception November 17, 2–4 Mon.–Fri., 8:00–4:00
What to keep, and what to discard? That is the primary conundrum that photographers face when they pick up the camera and put their eye to the viewfinder. It is a place Wynne cherishes. The view exists—and he feels that it is up to him to find what to capture.
Luke Wynne’s photographic career began in NYC. His work appeared in Andy Warhol’s Interview, New York Magazine, and Cosmopolitan. He moved to Los Angeles in 1980 where he was an editorial, portrait and movie photographer. Wynne lived in Italy from 1999 to 2011, where he conducted portrait workshops and advanced photography courses.
He returned to the US and moved to Easton, PA and has since been an Adjunct Professor of Photography at Moravian University.
Fine Craft Show
AOY Art Center
949 Mirror Lake Rd, Yardley aoyarts.org
Saturday & Sunday November 23-24, 10–4
Make it a Handcrafted Holiday!
Come and enjoy a two-day artisanal experience of holiday shopping in the historic Janney House on Patterson Farm in Yardley.
Give something worth giving from our passionate, and insanely skilled artists with their one-of-a-kind, unique products. We are proud to support these artisans who are authentic, exclusive and embody the spirit of good design.
Visit our equally crafty Bake Sale supporting Lower Bucks High Schools Emerging Artists
Repurposed AOY Banner Tote - Yvonne Reyes
3 Sprig - Pottery from Margot Sweed
Handmade Soap, Body Butter, Lip Balm - by Jennifer Moll
Judy Latingo, Imperial Gaze, acrylic
Linda Rossin, Winter Visitors, acrylic
Sue Adair, Snowbird, graphite
Luke Wynne, Save Deer Lodge Hotel, 12 X 18 (detail)
Luke Wynne, Wyoming 101 Wireless, 12 X 18 (detail)
the art of poetry
The Mountain Man
Challenged nature’s brute force Without a backup, Only his courage and desire To live on the edge.
But here, Remington’s trapper, So curiously smooth-faced, Considering the demands Shaving in the wilderness Would seem to require.
And see how gently He holds the reins, so open and soft, A supplicant’s hands, Once crabbed in the raw grip Of a land so harsh and wild.
Frederick Remington (1861-1909) was an American painter, illustrator, sculptor, and writer who specialized in western art, and whose paintings and sculptures can be found in major museum collections around the world.
Remington’s Mountain Man (above) depicts a dramatic moment in the daily life of a buckskin-clad trapper, working carefully with his horse to descend a precarious slope (the canal bank, in my case). Equal parts fur trapper and explorer, the mountain man played a central
role in the North American fur trade, driven almost entirely by the demand for beaver hats, which reached its peak in the late 1830’s. He assumed heroic stature as the quintessential westerner, later supplanted in the public’s imagination by “the cowboy.”
I’ve lived with a full-sized replica of Remington’s Mountain Man for years, marveling at his attention detail, and still wondering at the smooth face and gentle hands of so tough a character seasoned in the wild. n
DAVID STOLLER
WHAT IS A PHOTOGRAPH ABOUT?
WHY ARE WE BEING shown this picture?
As an artist and consumer of art, the answer to this question is consequential for me. Media stimulates us with its never-ending flow. It is constant and numbing. At a certain point, we cease to see or respond. Good work, work that might otherwise inspire us, passes unnoticed. I mourn the loss. That is why I ask the question.
On occasion, I am startled by an artwork. An unexpected double-take alerts me that I’ve encountered something of interest. The provocation unleashes curiosity. Almost always, it’s not what the artist saw but how the artist saw it that fascinates me. Embedded within the artwork is an idea.
Consider this literal description of a photograph: A man rides a bicycle in front of a house. Not very interesting, right? Yet this is the very photograph I spent weeks planning and preparing to
shoot. I photographed it in real-time, at dusk. But my intent was not to make a photograph of the man, the bike, or the house. I needed to show the relationship between the three. I sought to create a compelling image that would entice people to read an accompanying text. I needed to tie this image to a particular narrative. And here are the bones of that narrative.
Iver Johnson was a late 19th-century industrial tycoon in Fitchburg, Massachusetts. Fitchburg, then a hub of innovation comparable to Silicon Valley today, was a booming river town. He expanded his arms manufacturing business to include premium-quality bicycles just as the cycling craze blossomed into an international sport. Success allowed Mr. Johnson to purchase a handsome Victorian house on a hill overlooking the mills below.
Pete Capodagli was born and raised in Fitchburg. He is now a respected historian there, researching its past and curating its legacy. Pete is also a collector of Iver Johnson bicycles. To connect Fitchburg’s historical past with the present in his portrait, I photographed Pete riding a restored Iver Johnson 1932 Truss Frame Roadster past Iver Johnson’s house.
Neighboring residents may be equipped to decipher these connections, but not my larger audience, which extends beyond Fitchburg. Consequently, I accompany this photograph with, at minimum, a caption so people will realize it is more than a pretty picture.
Look again. Armed with a bit of context, we can read an entire story in a photograph. My point is that photographs need not be only about things. Photographs can also engage with ideas. n
Ricardo Barros’ works are in the permanent collections of eleven museums, including the Smithsonian American Art Museum and the Philadelphia Museum of Art. He is the author of Facing Sculpture: A Portfolio of Portraits, Sculpture and Related Ideas
PHOTOGRAPH AND ESSAY BY RICARDO BARROS
VALLEY
Five fun facts about Trombone Shorty, who packs the punch of Jimi Hendrix leading a New Orleans second-line parade with 76 trombones: (1) Lifted, the Music Man’s latest CD, unites jazz, funk, psychedelia, guitarist Gary Clark Jr. and the marching band at Shorty’s high school, where he was Troy Andrews. (2) He imagines the song “I’m Standing Here” as a ring-entering anthem if he were a pro wrestler. (3) His foundation supports education for musical youngsters. (4) He leads a Mardi Gras parade, a mini-festival (Voodoo Threauxdown) and a recording studio (Buckjump named for a second line). (5) Organizers of a “Sesame Street” gala made him a Muppet. (Nov. 22, Wind Creek Event Center, 77 Wind Creek Blvd., Bethlehem; 610-297-7414; windcreekeventcenter.com)
The Allentown Symphony Orchestra’s next subscription concert is an American tapestry of red and blue, white and black. Simon Mulligan, the esteemed classical and jazz pianist, will return to Miller Symphony Hall to help the ensemble celebrate the centennial of Rhapsody in Blue, George Gershwin’s invigorating, intoxicating cornucopia of soundscapes. The ASO will perform the renowned Afro-AmericanSymphony by William Grant Still (18951978), who played jazz with W.C. Handy, arranged the score for the movie Pennies from Heaven ,” and wrote nine operas. Crowning the bill is a new saxophone concerto by jazz pianist Billy Childs, winner of seven Grammys for instrumentals and arrangements. In Diaspora three poems, including Maya Angelou’s “And Still I Rise,” filter through three movements filtering AfricanAmerican slavery and empowerment. In the last section a church singer is channeled by saxophonist Steven Banks, a composer, teacher and recipient of a 2022 Avery Fisher Career Grant. (Nov. 9-10, 23 N. 6th St.,
Allentown; 610-432-7961; millersymphonyhall.org)
Persephone runs a speakeasy for workers at a factory run by her husband Hades, the underworld god. Eurydice escapes to this dark place in search of food and comfort. Orpheus, her singer-songwriter beau, serenades Hades into letting her leave, accepting a bargain he tragically screws up at the last second. Welcome to Hadestown, a marvelously inventive, tuneful mythic political romance. Composer/librettist Anais Mitchell deservedly won 2019 Tony awards for musical and original score and the 2020 Grammy for theater album. (Nov. 23, State Theatre, 453 Northampton St., Easton; 610-252-3132; statetheatre.org)
Teachers belong in my top three of essential workers, way up there with farm-
Performance at the Columbus Association for the Performing Arts, Ohio
ers and nurses. Their noble profession is disrupted by so many forces, from helicopter parents to students owned by their phones. Their service is celebrated and skewered in the Bored Teachers show The Struggle Is Real! The comedians have entertained 150,000-plus educators in 49 states. On Apple podcasts they’re BMOC: Boffo Masters on Campus. (Nov. 17, State Theatre, 453 Northampton St., Easton; 610-252-3132; statetheatre.org)
CONTINUED ON PAGE 29
GEOFF GEHMAN
Geoff Gehman is a former arts writer for The Morning Call and the author of five books: Planet Mom: Keeping an Aging Parent from Aging, The Kingdom of the Kid: Growing Up in the Long-Lost Hamptons, and Fast Women and Slow Horses: The (mis)Adventures of a Bar, Betting and Barbecue Man with William Mayberry geoffgehman@verizon.net
Trombone Shorty
Billy Childs
Simon Mulligan
CITY
Be thankful November has Thanksgiving, because if not, there’s just a bunch of guys marching down Broad Street carrying huge balloons and
riding around on weird floats until the police stop them (see, that’s a lie: the police won’t stop any public nuisance). Here’s the best of the rest of November.
Is comedian Sarah Silverman funny? Consistently? Will she be so when she plays The Met Philadelphia on November 12? I ask because within this decade, I loved her stand-up special from 2005 Jesus Is Magic, hated
2013’s We Are Miracles and 2017’s A Speck of Dust and really liked 2023’s Someone You Love. That means she’s due from a drubbing.
Playwright Lynn Notage is not a Philadelphia native. And yet, from the amount of premiere and canonical theater pieces of hers that have played in Philly throughout the last 20 years, and sounded the call for rich neighborhood-y characterization, she might as well be from Yeadon, Rittenhouse or Bella Vista. Running now until December 1, Notage’s rich take on New York’s Lower East Side circa 1905—the Italian Market of the turn of
A.D. Amorosi is a Los Angeles Press Club National Art and Entertainment Journalism award-winning journalist and national public radio host and producer (WPPM.org’s Theater in the Round) married to a garden-to-table cooking instructor + award-winning gardener, Reese, and father to dog-daughter Tia.
the century— Intimate Apparel, stakes its claim on the stage of Old City’s Arden Theatre with a tale of an African American seamstress doing her thing for a unique clientele, yet wanting more. Intimate Apparel is directed by Barrymore Award-winner Amina Robinson, so there’s a double good housekeeping seal of approval at work here.
If local film festivals were classic horror movies, November would be The Return of the Giant Multi-Cultural, Many-Armed Cine-Fest Octopus as this month is filled to the gills with the Philadelphia Jewish Film + Media Fall Fest (November 14-24 at the Weitzman National Museum of American Jewish History, 101 S. Independence Mall East) and the Philadelphia Asian American Film Festival (November 7-17 at Asian Arts Initiative, 1219 Vine Street and beyond).
On November 20, singer-songwriter Marshall Crenshaw plays City Winery Philadelphia on his long-awaited 40th anniversary tour. That’s good; even great. But, in a perfect world, Crenshaw—an artist who got his apt start in music biz playing John Lennon in Beatlemania —has written enough contagious power pop classics that never hit hugely (not counting “Something’s Gonna Happen” and “Someday Someway”) that he should be playing Wells Fargo Center, regularly. And while I’m glad to get another upclose-and-personal look and listen into Crenshaw’s lyrically witty, wondrously melodic catalog, he should and could go bigger.
Speaking of loving or loathing men in (colonial) uniform, it’s a weekend of recreational Revolutionary War recreationists in town for the Occupied Philadelphia Recreation at the Museum of the American Revolution. Having nothing to do with the 21st century Occupy Philly movement, the November 9-10 march (starting at N. 21st Street and Benjamin Franklin Parkway) through town focuses on the city of Philadelphia’s fall to British control in 1777 when Independence Hall became a prisoner-of-war camp. Then again, if you want to feel as if you’re jailed, hang at the Museum of the American Revolution for a few days: you’ll feel as if you’re in prison. n
A.D. AMOROSI
Brandi Porter in Arden Theatre Company’s 2024 production of Intimate Apparel. Photo: Ashley Smith.
CHRISTMAS CITY, USA
Holiday Festivities in
Bethlehem has a rich holiday heritage that dates back to the 18th century, when the Moravians who settled the city christened it “Bethlehem” on Christmas Eve, 1741. Since 1937, the city has officially been known as Christmas City, USA. From guided walking tours of the city’s Historic Moravian District, one of the finest collections of 18th-Century Germanic-Style architecture in the nation, and home to the newest World Heritage Site in the US, to the Christkindlmarkt marketplace and Christmas Carriage rides through the city. There are dozens of attractions and activities for all ages.
CHRISTKINDLMARKT AT STEELSTACKS
Nov. 15-17, Nov. 22-24, Nov. 29-Dec. 1, Dec. 5-8, Dec. 12-15, Dec. 19-22. Thurs. & Sun., 10am-6pm, Fri. & Sat., 10am-8pm. One of the best holiday markets in the US by Travel + Leisure. PNC Plaza at SteelStacks, 645 East First St., Bethlehem. (877) 212-2463 christmascity.org.
CHRISTMAS CITY STROLL
Nov. 15, 2024-Jan. 4, 2025. This tour focuses on traditions: a candle-in-every-window, beeswax candles, the renowned Star of Bethlehem and Moravian Star, the community Putz and more, set among Bethlehem’s Victorian and colonial architecture and two Na-
tional Historic Landmarks/World Heritage Sites. 1810 Goundie House Welcome Center, 501 Main St., Bethlehem. historicbethlehem.org.
TREES OF HISTORIC BETHLEHEM
Nov. 15, 2024-Jan. 6, 2025. Journey across three historic sites where over 20 trees display city-themed decorations. Moravian Museum of Bethlehem, 66 West Church St., Single Sisters’ House, 50 West Church St., and Kemerer Museum of Decorative Arts, 427 North New St., Bethlehem. Historicbethlehem.org.
STEELSTACKS ICE RINK
Nov. 22, 2024-Jan. 5, 2025. Celebrate the magic of the season on the outdoor ice skating rink at the base of the blast furnaces. Fun for every age. SteelStacks, 101 Founders Way, Bethlehem. (610) 332-1300, steelstacks.org.
THE BAUM SCHOOL OF ART’S HANDMADE HOLIDAY GIFT SHOP
Nov. 25-Dec. 20. Over 35 local artists and crafters. 510 W Linden St., Allentown. (610) 433-0032, baumschool.org.
BETHLEHEM TREE LIGHTING CEREMONY
Nov. 29, 4:30pm-6:00pm. Experience the magic of Christmas City USA with twinkling lights, festive carols, local musicians, and a chance to meet Santa. Free hot chocolate and
ties in Lehigh Valley
cookies. Payrow Plaza/City Hall, 11 W Church St., Bethlehem. lehighvalleychamber.org
HOLIDAY EVENTS AT STEELSTACKS
Nov. 30, The Muppet Christmas Carol, movie Nov. 30, Dec. 7, 14, Breakfast with St. Nick, Dec. 7, 8, 14, An “Old Fashioned” Christmas” Dec. 7, Black Christmas, movie Dec. 8, Top of the World, a Carpenters Christmas Show
Dec. 11, Elf, movie
Dec. 12, Miracle on 34th Street, movie Dec. 15, Scythian: The Ugly Christmas Sweater Show 645 E First St., Bethlehem. (877) 212-2463, steelstacks.org.
ZOELLNER ARTS CENTER
Dec.1, 4pm. A Family Christmas: The Irish Tenors with Orchestra
Dec. 14 & 15, 12pm and 4pm. The Nutcracker Dec. 20, 7:30pm. The King’s Singers
Dec. 22, 4pm. A Celtic Christmas: Cherish the Ladies 420 E Packer Ave., Bethlehem. (610) 7585425, zoellnerartscenter.org.
TOUCHSTONE THEATRE’S CHRISTMAS CITY FOLLIES XXV
Dec. 5-22, Thurs.-Sat. 8pm, Sun. 2pm and Dec. 14 & 21 at 2pm, Dec. 18 at 8pm. Touchstone Theatre, 321 East 4th St., Bethlehem.
(610) 867-1689, touchstone.org.
BACH CHOIR’S CHRISTMAS CONCERTS: HEAVENLY CHRISTMAS (two locations)
Dec. 7, 4pm, First Presbyterian Church of Allentown, 3231 West Tilghman St., Allentown. (610)395-3781, fpcallentown.org. Dec. 8, 4pm, First Presbyterian Church of Bethlehem, 2344 Center St., Bethlehem. (610) 867-5865, fpcbethlehem.org. Music of J.S. Bach and Philadelphia composer Kile Smith.
CENTRAL MORAVIAN PUTZ
November 29-Dec. 31. This uniquely Moravian tradition, the Putz retells the story of Christ’s birth through narration and music, while tiny lights illuminate each miniature scene. Christian Education Building, 40 West Church St. historicbethlehem.org
PEEPSFEST
(Presented by Just Born Quality Confections) Dec. 30 & 31, 3-6pm. Ring in the New Year with this sweet celebration. Event is held outside and is family friendly with activities and fireworks. Weighing in at 400 lbs. and standing 4 feet, 9 inches tall, the Chick will descend for the countdown to the New Year at 5:35pm each night followed by fireworks. SteelStacks, 1 Founders Way, Bethlehem. Steelstacks.org. n
conversation
A.D. AMOROSI
Patti LaBelle
It’s
Going to be a Party, Baby
WWHEN PHILADELPHIA’S FAVORITE daughter and R&B queen
Patti LaBelle performs at Parx Casino’s Xcite Center on December 6, it will be a continuation of a life’s calling steeped in soul—one that starts in my old Southwest Philly neighborhood where she sang in the choir of Beulah Baptist Church at age ten, to her time as part of the platinum-plated rock-funk trio Labelle, to the present day where the singer divides her time between appearances on the Broadway stage, television, film and even the web as she did with the viral sensation webcast series Verzuz, alongside longtime friends Gladys Knight and Dionne Warwick.
As a woman who refuses to stand still, Patti LaBelle has additionally created further enterprises that capitalize on all of her talents. There is the GPE Record label which she started with her son-manager Zuri Edwards in order to release a multitude of albums on her own schedule. And, after having written a series of top-selling cookbooks from her own family recipes, LaBelle is a multi-million dollar (and counting) culinary entrepreneurial magnate with her Patti’s Good Life Comfort Food Brand, featuring her homestyle sweet potato pie, peach cobbler and macaroni & cheese which in 2023 alone grossed $200 million of which she gets ten percent.
This writer has been fortunate enough to speak to Patti LaBelle often across the last decade about music and food, even chatting at length with her and her sisters in Labelle (Nona Hendryx and Sarah Dash). Here is a list of my favorite conversational hits.
The self-creation of business opportunities away from music (2017)
“Now you know that’s just how I roll. That’s exactly what they were: opportunities that came my way. I’m too shy to hustle or push. I am, however, smart enough to know what is good, right, and of high quality.”
Her friendship with composer-singer Nina Simone and a
desire to record her songs (2017)
“Nina’s tunes make you feel like you’re floating… We did a rainforest benefit for Sting at Carnegie Hall and I get there, backstage, just in time to hear that Nina wasn’t going on stage until I cooked for her. That’s my thing. So got kielbasa, spicy too, and made sure she had brown bread and mustard to go with it—she’s not eating it otherwise. They brought us red wine in plastic red cups, and before I took one sip she yelled, ‘don’t ever drink wine out of plastic! Get us crystal!’ She taught me to be a lady. I loved her.”
On finally recording and self-releasing her long-discussed jazz album, Bel Hommage (2017)
“I’ve been telling people—press, friends, business associates—about my jazz album for so long with nothing to show for it, I’ll bet they thought I was lying.”
Her age and creating opportunities and options for Black women (2018)
“It’s not so much about hustling. I was always too shy to hustle or be pushy… I believe now is a time of greater, more diverse opportunities for women—and in my case, Black women—to do it all and do it all well. I’ve been doing this now for over 50 years, and it seems as if the older I get, the more comes on my plate.”
Meeting Sarah Dash and Nona Hendryx (2021)
“Sarah and Nona? I had never met them before they were formally introduced to me—and I liked them immediately. Sarah’s voice was amazing. That was a go. And Nona had this great low voice. Me, I’m in the middle, so we blended very well, vocally. Honestly, we became friends first—right off the bat. No shade. No negativity. We quickly became who we are today.”
Turning Labelle from a nice soul vocal trio to hard rock, funk, and R&B (2021)
“I loved making the big change toward the songs we were singing… and felt as comfortable with The Who and The Rolling Stones as I did doing traditional songs such as ‘You’ll Never Walk Alone,’ or ‘Down the Aisle.’ I felt great. And it was eye-opening for a lot of Black women. That was one of the best moves that Labelle made musically, singing rock. I wrote this in my book, Patti’s Pearls: Lessons in Living. Women who want to lead the orchestra have to turn their back to the crowd…. We were three Black women with crazy outfits, crazy hair, sexual songs, revolutionary songs. Changing our look allowed people to hear what we had to say—and how we said it—more clearly. That was the plan.”
Breaking up Labelle in order to maintain the friendships of its members (2021)
“There was heartache in this. I never wanted to think of the three of us as gone. We are phenomenal women. Our shows are phenomenal. Our music together is phenomenal. We were, and are, all that. But if you’re in a marriage and the husband doesn’t get along with the wife because she just happened to cook the wrong meal that night and made him mad—it’s better to walk away. We just got tired of being married. It wasn’t even like we got full out divorced because, look at us now. We still hang. Still collaborate. We just had to say goodbye.”
The combined talents of LaBelle and Gladys Knight onstage at The Met during Verzuz (2020)
“We’re OGs for real, about 150 [combined] years of it… We’re Geminis—it’s a twin wonderful moment between my sister and me.”
Working with Zuri Edwards, her son (2017)
“My son is sharp and intuitive and he knows me, too. But he can only push me so far. If and when I want to do something, I do it.”
CONTINUED ON PAGE 28
Sarah Dash, Nona Hendryx and Patti Labelle. Photo: RB/Redferns/Getty Images
short story
Sky Like Concrete
by Mike Reiss
I’M DRIVING TO MY pop’s with my son, Dan, who is home from school, and we have to hurry because the sky looks like concrete and the storm will be here soon, I know it, look at the prairie grass, I tell Dan, it’s swaying like those air dancers at dealerships. Dan just nods, his eyes still on my gin cup, which I grab from the cup holder with my good hand, the other one having been rotten since the stroke but good enough to operate the wheel because it’s Sunday morning and the storm is coming, so no one is out on the road, just me and Dan.
I take a gulp or two from my cup, not much, just enough to round the edges, because it’s tough visiting Pop, him being in a wheelchair, thin as a stalk, usually jolly, but sometimes cruel, saying I don’t visit enough, saying I should be more like John, saying now there’s a loyal son, bringing me my cigarettes and applesauce. But which son is visiting before the storm, I ask, which son is delivering potatoes and carrots and two jugs of water and a big, wet-cured ham, which son tips the nurses so Pop gets a room on the first floor and doesn’t have to climb the stairs with the banister being in disrepair and all?
theoretically, assuming there is no information loss from a black hole, Pop’s consciousness, or more precisely his information, will remain in the universe and can therefore be reconstructed. I have no idea what he means and he’s just trying to be smart, smarter than me, smarter than the
Lord, so I say something that’s sure to needle him, I say, whatever you say Farmer Dan, and his face turns red and he has no comeback.
stereotype, because who leaves a book in a henhouse and who still wears overalls, clearly this is just an attempt to pluck at the heartstrings and the purses of the elite, and I sure as hell didn’t expect backlash to the backlash, those who said to the original backlashers, stop being cynical, and so what if it’s performance art, the questions are, is Farmer Dan (that’s what people started calling him) smart and does he need a little push, and since the answers are yes to both, why not donate? The point is, we raised a bundle and I don’t want Dan to forget that the only reason he’s at his fancy state school and can act so much smarter than his father— whose pop is dying, by the way—is because of said father’s efforts, and so maybe now is not the time to discuss consciousness and black holes and information loss.
We’re silent for a while, in our own heads, listening to the car groan from the wind, staring at the blur of gray fields—everything is so bloodless—when Dan says they hide the dying, otherwise why place grandpa and the other terminals in a rundown building with not another thing in sight. I say, well, I’m not sure that’s right, son, even though I know he’s probably right, but I want to talk about something positive, so I say something like when the Lord takes him, he will be in the center of it all.
And you know what my son says, he says he doesn’t believe in that stuff anymore, that’s what he tells me. I can tell that he can tell that he upset me, so in an attempt to remedy the situation, he says some mumbo-jumbo about consciousness surviving death because it’s just patterns of information in the brain, so, he says,
Dan is silent now, stewing, picking at his nails. I know I shouldn’t call him Farmer Dan, but I’m the one (granted, I did have help from my buddy’s son) who created the GoFundMe internet page, I’m the one who filmed him riding a Friesian stallion as he held his copy of Principia Mathematica, I’m the one who photographed him in his stained overalls throwing feed to the chickens with A Brief History of Time on the bench behind him, and, yes, it’s true, I didn’t expect the controversy, I didn’t expect so many folks to donate, so many folks to say, well, these are the types of people we need to help, those who are smart and young and need just a little push, and I certainly didn’t expect backlash to that sentiment, those who said this is just bad performance art, this is an exploitation of the down-on-my-luck-farmer-boy
I turn to Dan to tell him this and the next thing I know I’m horizontal in frozen dirt, looking up at a tree, its branches naked, stiff, numerous, pointing in all directions, and Dan is hovering above my right arm, his upper lip sweating. The dirt is speckled in a deep red and it’s a colony of fire ants and I need to run, run, but it is winter and I am in Iowa and the red spots are not ants but my blood. I know the ground is frozen, the winter wind vicious, but I don’t feel cold, instead I am hot, like I’m sunbathing on the porch, because, sure, my son is muttering, too much gin, too much gin, but I can see how this all looks from an observer on high. Look, the observer says, here is a boy, alone, in an alien landscape of black trees and tall, tall prairie grass stretching toward the colorless sky and he is a good boy, yes, he is a good boy, look at how he helps his father, look at how he removes his sweater despite the winter freeze, look at how he carefully wraps it around his father’s arm, look at how the Lord tests him and how well he’s done, look at the snow falling now, in great, heaving gusts, look at how the boy tries, he tries, so much more than his father. n
short story
In the Kingdom of Heaven and Mom Blogs
by Hanna Brooks Olsen
At night when Iwalk the dog, I check to see if they’ve posted anything new. First I open Instagram. I don’t follow any of them because that would be a public admission, but the search function meets me way more than halfway. Click to see if the link is in the comments.
Then on to the real deal, the web browser. Fingers crossed for a video, but a blog post will do. I search through all of my favorites to get my fix. Click click click, so many of my favorites.
Pushing aside a sea of pop-ups—a Godly woman has to make a living, after all—and scrolling past the Sponsored Posts, I get to the good stuff. A blog post about how feminism ruined a marriage. One about how to encourage your husband (like a good little helpmate!). One about how leggings and denim shorts are tempting men into sin.
I devour them. They are the antithesis of my entire life, my entire self. I snort and shrug and shake my head while I scroll. I marvel that these women are out in the world, breathing the same air I breathe, buying the same products that I buy. Who are these women? Where did they come from?
And why can’t I look away?
I don’t remember when I first become consumed by the digital lives of Evangelical bloggers. I can’t remember which blog I first found or why. There is a profound curiosity inside of me that compels me to find out everything about everything, so I’m sure if was because there was a viral post about something offensive. Every now and then, one of these blogs goes mainstream, thanks to a particularly problematic hot take—something about how the gays should never marry or how modesty is about self-respect and girls who are date-raped shouldn’t be alone with boys anyway—so that’s probably how I found it.
But I didn’t just click, cluck my tongue, and move on to the next tasty Facebook tidbit. I kept scrolling. And then I went on a hunt.
Anyway, it doesn’t matter how I found my new nighttime reading list. The breadcrumbs led me through WordPress sites about families with too many children and, somehow, plenty of cash for sensible J.Crew outfits. Lucky me, I discovered a treasure trove miles deep. There are hundreds of these sites, each with a different whimsical title and a different bend (fashion! Cooking! Homemaking! Chastity!). There are so many that I was even able to find a favorite genre.
You can tell when you’ve found one of these blogs because there are lots of hazy stock photos with text over them in a typeface like Brusher or another hand-lettered-ish font. Everything is bright, bright, bright and approachable, even when the content is, at times, alarmingly dark.
The ones I check most often seem to share the same general aesthetic. They are mom blogs with a religious twist—and a surprising proclivity for prep-
py fashion. Every mom has an effortless fishtail braid and impossibly slim hips. The writing is tepid and wrought with cliches but every photo is somehow perfectly framed and with just the right aspect ratio.
Here is mom holding a coffee and drowning in a massive scarf (affiliate link in the comments). God is good.
Here is mom getting ready for another day of homeschooling with a green smoothie. The house is so clean and sunlight streams in through the bay windows. Praise the lord.
Here is mom dressed for church in Anthropologie. He is risen.
This is not a life I want at all. I decided years ago
that I was choosing not to have children. I don’t want seven boys in matching Gap Kids sweaters, eating string cheese and bickering about LEGOs. I don’t want to be this mom, living in a red state where it seems to always be fall and the husband is some faceless white man with a crew cut and an illfitting Polo shirt.
But maybe part of what keeps me coming back is the fantasy of it all. Maybe I just want a life that seems that breezy. These moms are, in the world they have crafted for public consumption, never stuck in traffic, never sweating over bills. They never wake up so depressed they can hardly move. They never find themselves hunched at the refrigerator eating almond butter straight from the jar in a binge that feels like a Category Three tropical storm.
I mean, maybe they do. They probably do. But they never blog about it, so I like to imagine their lives are all autumn leaves and chalkboard paint on everything and “date nights” with The Hubby.
There is something about these blogs that feels like an exhibit in a zoo—so foreign to me and so far from anything I’ve ever known. My mother is a witch, a real one, and the opposite of everything in this realm. I remember her when I was little, all wild hair and patchouli oil and no makeup to speak of. I remember her on the phone with my aunt, talking for what felt like hours, smoking cigarette after cigarette and drinking Mountain Dew out of a large purple cup from Tupperware. She wore Levis and old sweatshirts turned inside-out. She never took a photograph that I can remember and the ones we do have were buried away for years; they made her too sad to look at.
Maybe these blogs give me a look at that life that I dreamt about when I was a kid, longing for something less... odd. They’re like the modern, digital version of the time my aunt and uncle babysat my siblings and I on a summer day and around noon they came out and asked all the kids what they wanted for lunch and I didn’t know how to answer because my mom never made us lunch. Usually we helped ourselves to snacks all day. Sometimes she made ramen.
But at my aunt and uncle’s house we had sandwiches on white bread with turkey and iceberg lettuce and a handful of Lay’s and it was just like at school!
CONTINUED ON PAGE 29
film roundup
Conclave (Dir. Edward Berger). Starring: Ralph Fiennes, Stanley Tucci, John Lithgow. They need a pope! When the latest pontiff dies of old age, Cardinal Lawrence (Ralph Fiennes) is tasked with convening the conclave that will select the Catholic Church’s new holy leader. Factions abound, from the liberal wing, led by Stanley Tucci’s Bellini, to the middle-of-the-roaders (emblematized by John Lithgow’s simpering Tremblay) to the virulent reactionaries (overseen by Sergio Castellitto’s macho Tedesco). It’s modern-day politicking in microcosm, all of it given
Keith Uhlich is a NY-based writer published at Slant Magazine, The Hollywood Reporter, Time Out New York, and ICON. He is a member of the New York Film Critics Circle. His personal website is (All (Parentheses)), accessible at keithuhlich.substack.com.
the air of a nail-biting thriller by director Edward Berger who adapts a Robert Harris airport thriller as if it was Stendhal. The pretensions to say something larger about our divided times clash with the pulpiness of the source material, as well as the approach of most of the cast, who rightfully lean into the ham. (Best in show is Isabella Rossellini as the tart-tongued Sister Agnes, who gets to fist-pumpingly school her male colleagues at several points.) Sadly, the climax hinges on a twist so jawdroppingly ridiculous, and borderline offensive, that it fully saps the goofy vibes you wish the film more readily cultivated. [PG] HH
Queer (Dir. Luca Guadagnino). Starring: Daniel Craig, Drew Starkey, Lesley Manville. Sad to say that Luca Guadagnino’s adaptation of William S. Burrough’s long-unpublished second novel (written in the
KEITH UHLICH
‘50s, released in the ‘80s) is a wash. It’s not for lack of trying: Daniel Craig gives his all as Burroughs avatar William Lee, past middle age and wiling away the days in post-WWII Mexico City (beautifully created on the backlots of the famed Cinecittà Studios in Rome). He soon becomes obsessed with a young man named Eugene Allerton (Drew Starkey) and
the fixation leads him down the rabbit hole of destruction. The film is at its best early on as the two men dance around each other, drug and drink themselves into stupors, and eventually consummate their relationship in a graphic sex scene that seems too self-consciously designed to answer critics who called Guadagnino’s Call Me By Your Name chaste. Things soon go off the rails when the pair hit the road in search of a mystical drug that is supposed to grant telepathic insight. It’s here that the movie deviates drastically from the book, not only in narrative incident, but in the silly way it sentimentalizes Lee—a should-be-complicated figure turned into a blubbering, pitiable man out of a bad Sundance movie. [N/R] HH
Anora (Dir. Sean Baker). Starring: Mikey Madison, Mark Eydelshteyn, Yura Borisov. New York sex worker Anora (Mikey Madison) hits the seeming jackpot when she crosses paths with Ivan (Mark Eydelshteyn), the heedless son of Russian oligarchs. Days and nights of hard partying lead to an impulsive Las Vegas wedding that’s great for the young couple but not for Ivan’s bodyguards who spend the rest of this madcap movie trying to get the nuptials annulled. It’s a very 21st-century screwball comedy done in the distinct style of writer-director Sean Baker ( Red Rocket ), which means movie fantasy is tempered with a large dose of class-based reality. Anora uses true love as her (literally) screaming weapon against people for whom money and power are the best bedfellows. It’s to both Baker and Madison’s credit that the line separating her delusions from her dogma is never entirely clear. Our loyalties shift on
this feisty character moment by moment, in ways not dissimilar from one of John Cassavetes’s poignant heroines. Anora’s tragic arc may be a
tad too circumscribed. Yet the film’s rowdy energy never subsides, and the hangover, when it finally hits, pierces if not pulverizes the heart. [R] HHHH
Rumours (Dirs. Evan Johnson, Galen Johnson, Guy Maddin). Starring: Cate Blanchett, Charles Dance, Nikki Amuka-Bird. Politicians running around like chickens with their heads cut off? What fantasy world is this? Canadian mischief-maker Guy Maddin reteams with his frequent collaborators Evan and Galen Johnson for this fun if superficial satire in which a G7 summit is upended by what appears to be a zombie invasion…or perhaps the end of the world? At the least there’s a giant pulsating brain residing in the forest that the leaders (Cate Blanchett,
Charles Dance and Nikki Amuka-Bird among them) wander through while trying to figure out what purpose they serve after human society goes down the crapper. The cast is game and the laughs frequent, particularly the romance-novel-level interactions between the politicos. Horniness rules the day, unsurprisingly, even amid disaster. The film still isn’t up to the level of the directorial trio’s Vertigo riff The Green Fog, which felt like a tragicomic act of criticism and possession. Rumours, by contrast, glints across the surface of current anxieties, revealing little that those of us beaten down by the polarized political discourse of the moment already know. [R] HHH n
film classics
The Fall (2006, Tarsem Singh, United States/South Africa/India)
Unavailable for years due to ongoing rights issues, Tarsem Singh’s selffinanced fantasy epic is now finally available in a new restoration on MUBI. The film was shot piecemeal over several years, usually when Singh was in some far-flung location doing lucrative commercial work, the money from which would in large part go back into financing the project. A pre-stardom Lee Pace plays a suicidal silent-movie stuntman confined to a Los Angeles hospital. There he befriends a young Romanian girl named Alexandria (Catinca Untaru) with a ravenous imagination. The two tell each other stories that soon come to visually splendid life, all of them featuring a masked bandit (also Pace) and his four companions seeking vengeance against an evil ruler named Odious. Fact and fiction quickly collide, though the narrative is mainly an excuse to gawp at the astonishing sights Singh and his collaborators (which include the late, great production and costume designer Eiko Ishioka) captured on actual locations with next-to-no post-produced special effects. This is the Megalopolis of its particular moment, now back in circulation for more to witness. (Streaming on MUBI.)
Rosemary’s Baby (1968, Roman Polanski, United States)
Rosemary (Mia Farrow) and her husband Guy (John Cassavetes) move into an apartment building. So much could happen from that setup alone, but this being a Roman Polanski picture, of course devilish things are afoot. Literally, as most of you surely know, for living next door are Minnie and Roman Castavet (Ruth Gordon and Sidney Blackmer), friendly old neighbors and worshippers of Satan. Soon enough, Rosemary finds herself carrying the Lord of the Flies’s spawn…or is it just a bad dream, an anxious projection of impending motherhood? Par for his cinema’s course, Polanski keeps the ground ever-shifting, frequently by finding the unease in the seemingly banal and everyday. The few hallucinatory sequences (as when the devil has his way with are heroine) are of course stellar. But Polanski conjures more of a fiendish ambience in moments when Rosemary is alone with herself or arguing with others, no hellishness evident aside from, as Jean-Paul Sartre might note, other people. Farrow was never better, her increasing madness resolving in the astonishing last scene into the most chillingly loving of glances at her Hadean progeny. (Streaming on Criterion Channel.)
KEITH UHLICH
The Fall
Kiss of the Spider Woman (1985, Hector Babenco, Brazil/United States)
The friendship between a leftist political revolutionary, Valentin (Raul Julia), and an oppressed gay man, Luis (William Hurt), forms the basis for Hector Babenco’s much-lauded feature. Adapted by Paul Schrader’s brother
Leonard from a novel by Manuel Puig and set during the two-decade-plus Brazilian military dictatorship that began in 1964, the film examines the boundaries of fact and fiction and how those shape political consciousness in the midst of extreme circumstances. The two men tell each other tales, frequently visualized as “movies” featuring an alluring Sonia Braga, as a way of getting through their often horrible days. But not everything is as it seems, as betrayals of both themselves and each other eventually come to a tragic head. The movie surely wouldn’t be made in this way today, with Hurt playing against both his own sexual preference and racial/cultural type. (And a soon-to-come film musical adaptation will certainly put how one would make this movie today to the test.) Nonetheless, both actors, along with the great Braga, find depths of feeling in their interactions that mitigate some of the datedness of the approach. The timelessness of Spider Woman’s themes and emotions ultimately win out. (Streaming on Max.)
Marnie (1964, Alfred Hitchcock, United States)
The capper to a string of masterpieces that began with 1956’s The Wrong Man, Marnie sees the Master of Suspense, Alfred Hitchcock, delving ever deeper into the psychology of one of his tortured blondes. In this case, she starts out as a brunette — Marnie (Tippi Hedren) is a thief who in the opening scene makes off with a bunch of bucks from her employer, then washes the literal dark out of her hair before tossing her golden locks back in an astonishing close-up. From there her kleptomania continues to beckon, as does handsome widower Mark Rutland (Sean Connery), who does his ample best, in the most macho of ways, to wean the lady from her larcenous ways by unearthing her troubled past. It’s a very cerebral ‘60s
brew of an overbearing mother, an accidental death, and the mere sight of blood breeding a deep-freeze phobia. Hitch came under criticism for some of the more blatantly false painted backdrops in certain scenes, but they are all to a purpose — a surrealist projection of Marnie’s tortured inner state. She’s much more than meets the eye, as most of Hitchcock’s women are, though perhaps never to this searing and devastating an end. (Streaming on Netflix.) n
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Why Philadelphia will always be home (2019)
“Philadelphia has kept me here because it’s quiet for my soul; it’s very grounding. It’s not New York or Los Angeles, where there’s so much going on. I’ve moved in Philly three times in my life, but I’m done with moving—I’m turning 75. It’s going to be a party, honey. This is a wonderful age. I have more time to work on my art and how I’m going to perform. No show is ever the same: If I perform three nights in a row for 90 minutes, each night is different. It keeps it being fun for the crew and the band, and for me. I’m still always on tour. I just get on a plane and go. And I’m working on some savory items for
my Patti’s Good Life brand available at Walmart. We just introduced a Southern buttermilk pie and mini sweet potato pie. I’m also working on two new albums: one is R&B and the other is dance music. I have so much on my plate— God has put so much on my plate—but I’m stronger than I’ve ever been.” n
Answer toBACK HOME
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sition during that time. The planning and preparation are focused on maximizing my flexibility. I need to use every minute and do things only once. Time is not my friend.
My basic map is to paint the venue first, then the people taking their seats, then the officiant and the couple at the front. I use four or five earth colors for as much of it as I can but have others available on the palette for critical elements, like the mother-of-thebride’s dress.
This wedding was held at the Philadelphia Museum For Art In Wood. Mark is a nationally recognized master wood carver and turner and the reason his son, Sam, and the bride, Kim, married there. Museums aren’t supposed to have flowers in the galleries due to pollen and other particulates, so Mark made all of them out of wood. He turned and carved two large floral arrangements for up front, a bouquet for the bride, the groom’s boutonniere, and individual corsages and buds for family members. He hand-made the vases, too. They were spectacular.
I set up to the left of where the ceremony would take place, out of view of most of the guests but with a clear sightline to ground zero, and I got most of the surrounding room in place. This was not designed to be a media event like other weddings I’ve been to, so my view wasn’t compromised by swarming photographers. I kept the image rendered broadly because I probably wouldn’t be able to do the ceremony in much detail. It all must coexist on the same surface at the end. That was prudent, as things went off script from the start. The family was talking with the guests, where at a typical church wedding they would be seated already. I knew things were going to happen quickly.
The parents all took their seats at the same time, closely followed down the aisle by the officiant, who walked past the position I was expecting him to take at the front, indicating that the head-high flowers would likely obscure my view of the couple. Experience has taught me exactly where to grab and lift my easel so the palette and full solvent cup don’t scatter across the floor, and I slid my supply bag over with my foot, still holding my brushes and rag. While I was completing the MOB’s dress (a balance of alizarine, Prussian, and raw umber), the couple came past. I was betting this would be a twoposition wedding. I moved the officiant to just in front of the flowers and painted the groom’s parents while waiting for the couple to relocate to the “married” position. I could see part of Kim’s back, so I took a chance and painted her where I guessed she would end up, then moved Sam into place when it happened. Then it was over; they were back up the aisle, and people were out of their seats. I had a few minutes to make sure there weren’t any issues in the painting (like missing feet), added a dark something to the far left to balance the composition, and then signed the panel and packed up. It was difficult, but I like it difficult.
That was two years ago; however, it wasn’t the end of the flower story. Mark wasn’t done; he was taking the wood flowers in other, awesome directions, and the Michener Museum noticed. Now you get to see what I’m talking about. Mark Sfirri: The Flower Show opens December 14, 2024, through May 4, 2025. If you go before the end of the year, and you absolutely should, you also get to see the Monuments And Myths exhibition before it closes. That could be the best museum day you’ve had in a long time. n
At the BET awards 2023.
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Shaped by the nerve-wracking world of online adopting, Wolf Play follows a six-year-old Korean boy who desperately imagines himself as an animal hungering for a proper pack. The twist? The kid is played by a puppet. Playwright
Hansol Jung translates American musicals into her native Korean, adapted Romeo and Juliet for an Asian cast, and wrote for the Netflix series Tales of the City. (Nov. 15-17, 20-22, Zoellner Center for the Arts, Lehigh University, 420 E. Packer Ave., Bethlehem; 610-758-2787; zoellnerartscenter.org)
Rabbit Hole dives deeply into a top-three nightmare. Spouses grow apart while grieving differently after their four-year-old son dies accidentally. Howie embraces the pleasant past with the help of a therapy group; Becca evades the painful past by befriending a facially scarred teen. David Lindsay-Ahaire’s play won the 2007 Pulitzer Prize for drama and became a 2010 movie starring Nicole Kidman and Aaron Eckhart. (Nov. 21-25, Lipkin Theater, Kopecek Hall, Northampton Community College, 3835 Green Pond Rd., Bethlehem; 484484-3412; ncctix.org)
History, science and comedy electrify the play Mesmerized, where Ben Franklin and his niece Sarah test an alleged magical panacea in France, where Franklin served as a pioneer U.S. ambassador and remains a celebrity. (Nov. 7-10, Samuels Theater, Tompkins College Center, Cedar Crest College, 100 College Dr. Allentown; 610-606-4608; cedarcrest.edu/stage)
Reviewing ten years of Christmas CDs—over 400 in all—made me hate holiday tunes almost as much as fruitcake. Yet I’m willing to give up my Grinch for a Christmas gig by the Irish Tenors, the charismatic ambassadors who deliver roof-rattling, cobwebsweeping versions of everything from O Holy Night to Go Tell It on the Mountain to Fairytale of New York. Declan Kelly specializes in Gilbert & Sullivan and musicals like Les Miserables. Anthony Kearns, the opera king, sang the title role in Gounod’s Faust. The flashiest resume belongs to Ronan Tynan, an ex-orthopedist who sang at Ronald Reagan’s funeral and the last Boston Red Sox game versus Hall of Fame shortstop Derek Jeter, the rare New York Yankee actually admired by Bosoxers. (Dec. 1, Zoellner Center for the Arts, Lehigh University, 420 E. Packer Ave., Bethlehem; 610-758-2787; zoellnerartscenter.org) n
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Maybe I’m fascinated because some people had moms like these moms. Maybe I wish I had a mom like this but then I don’t think I would. My mom wasn’t trendy but she was cool and effortless and taught me not to give a shit. I’m glad there aren’t a lot of photos of me on the internet. I wonder what all of these kids will think when they get older.
I wonder if they get sandwiches every day since they’re homeschooled or if sometimes they eat a spoonful of peanut butter like I did as a kid. And like I did the other day.
Though the “About” pages are almost all the same—Mama, Christ-follower, wife to an amazing hubby!—the content is a little more singularly-focused. Dad is never in the photos, though he is sometimes the subject of the post, particularly if the post includes a recipe. Kids are only sometimes in the photos, and infrequently the subject of the post. God makes only a passing appearance, unless His Word is being used to prove a point.
The star of the show is mom. She is in most of the photos. She is the point. She is also full of opinions—opinions which could not be further from my own.
They talk about “same-sex attraction” like it’s a condition that needs treatment and the treatment is, of course, Jesus. I’m attracted to women sometimes and I know they think that makes me a bad and sinful person. I wonder about little girls who sit in church and hear how wrong they are. Little girls who are actually little boys. Little girls who are no gender at all. There is no place for that in God’s house and my bloggers make that very clear.
Amid homeschooling tips and ideas for Easter baking and pictures mom holding a bouquet of seasonal blooms from the farmer’s market are
posts about bigger stuff. These are the Very Special Episode of the Christian mom blog and they always begin with an apology.
Sorry, y’all, I don’t usually post political stuff, because I’m just so busy! But I just can’t keep quiet about this, guys.
Sorry if this offends anyone, but I just feel like God’s word is really getting lost!
Sorry, this is probably going to get a little heavy but I have to speak my truth!
These posts are the ones that remind me that this is not harmless. There are, amid watercolor logos and buttons proclaiming that they belong to a network of Godly Women Bloggers, the kinds of things that hurt people I know and love. In clear, unabashed, pointed language, Mom will take a break from talking about her love for coffee and talk about how trans people are an abomination, how she doesn’t want her children to see that. How a Black Santa Claus is clearly just plain wrong. How she won’t shop at Target anymore because they support samesex marriage. How feminism is toxic and women like me—who live with our boyfriends in sin and choose careers over children—are going to hell. How they voted for Trump and they’d do it again. And I can’t look away.
Maybe that’s why.
Because this is the sweet, well-contoured face of the thing I often think is monstrous. These are the manicured hands that vote for people who want to whittle away my human rights—the ones that I didn’t think had much clout before a couple of years ago, but who I now know are more dangerous than just about anything else. These are the women leaving Facebook reviews about Nike and Disney and any other corporation who “gets political.” These are the smiling women who say they support strong women like Esther and Mary but like, not if they’re seeking asylum, tenderly holding their children, trying to find a safe place to sleep. You know, like Mary.
Maybe this is what I’m looking for.
Maybe this is why I can’t stop looking. n
harper’s
FINDINGS INDEX
Researchers determined that the Stonehenge Altar Stone came from northeast Scotland, speculated that an internal structure in the Step Pyramid of Djoser was a hydraulic elevator, unveiled a cup from a Persian necropolis depicting Hermes Psychopompos leading a dead woman to the underworld, and compared the newly discovered skeletons of a woman and a young man killed in the eruption of Pompeii, concluding that the former “stayed alive much longer . . . only to collapse in agony, falling over the edge of the bed in the ashcharged air.” Mammoths may have been killed with planted pikes rather than with thrown spears. It was determined that Viking Norway was less hierarchical and more violent than Viking Denmark, where the 6 percent of the population who died violently were almost always formally executed. An interdisciplinary team concluded that the last universal common ancestor was a prokaryote-grade anaerobic acetogen that had a primitive immune system and lived approximately 4.2 billion years ago. Geophysicists found that warming upper waters in the extratropical North Atlantic weakens the trade winds in a feedback loop, proposed that the doldrums are caused by sinking rather than rising air masses, and warned that the center of the Greenlandic ice sheet may melt again sooner than expected. Large earthquakes may be predictable weeks to months in advance. AI researchers determined that large language models pose no existential threat to humanity and created an AI algorithm that can detect scientific articles written by other AI algorithms. Chemists warned of the risk posed by poisonous Victorian books. q
Chinese doctors and veterinarians reported success in using magnetic rings to circumcise eight beagles and in unburying the penises of forty-two adult men, discovered that from hatching to adulthood the testes of both Chinese and European ganders develop asymmetrically, discerned the “previously enigmatic” role of INO80D in the spermatogenesis of the Chinese mitten crab, and used electroacupuncture to alter the brain function of male rats to mitigate premature ejaculation. Turkish doctors reported a case of penile autoamputation with religious delusion. The gut microbiomes of month-old thoroughbred foals can predict future racing success. Forty percent of recordings of Atlanta infants contain more squeal clustering than would occur randomly and 39 percent contain more clustered growls. Autistic Swedish seven-year-olds are likelier than their neurotypical peers to engage in gender-nonconforming play, brain scans can predict genetic markers of autism with 89 to 95 percent accuracy, and Liverpudlian autistic children reported that social-deception games are useful in learning how to lie. q
A survey of 97,000 Japanese people between 2020 and 2022 found that the Nintendo Switch has a more pronounced positive effect on the mental health of adolescents than the PlayStation 5. EEG experts disagreed on whether, in the future, brain waves could be used to read dreams and long-term memories. The hippocampus makes three copies of each memory. Psyche may not be the exposed core of a differentiated planetesimal but instead an entity that originated past the snow line. Cocaine sensitivity may be decreased by rosemary extract, and the livers of thirteen Brazilian sharp-nosed sharks all tested positive for cocaine. Humpback whales use bubble nets as tools. A newly excavated fossil species of small penguin was found to mark the transition toward modern penguin wings, and little penguins were found to be sensitive to pile-driving. Scientists coerced fruit flies into walking on tiny treadmills.
Factor by which Americans are more likely to disapprove of a woman’s election to the presidency than a person of color’s: 3
Portion of U.S. partisan races in 2022 that were uncontested: 1/2
Estimated percentage of these in which the sole candidate was a Democrat: 22
In which the sole candidate was a Republican: 74
Average number of minutes of daily housework done by married American men who identify as liberal: 99
By married American men who identify as conservative: 88
As moderate: 70
Percentage of Americans who say they try to be polite when interacting with AI chatbots: 44
Who believe their treatment of AI chatbots “will one day be taken into account somehow”: 39
Estimated percentage increase since 1980 in the portion of homicides in the United States that go unsolved: 64
Estimated ratio of pets to children under the age of 4 in China: 1:1
Year in which this ratio is projected to reach 2:1: 2030
Percentage of global net growth in renewable-energy capacity last year attributable to China: 63
Amount that the average American believed they would need to save for a comfortable retirement in 2020: $951,000
In 2024: $1,460,000
% increase this year in the number of Fidelity 401(k) accounts worth more than $1,000,000: 39
No. of points the average credit score drops in a state after 3 years of legalized online sports betting: 7
Average percentage by which the rate of personal bankruptcy increases in such states: 28
% of American families traveling to a Disney theme park in 2022 that took on debt to do so: 30
In 2024: 45
Average debt taken on by such a family for their trip: $1,983
Percentage of Americans who view fast food as a “luxury”: 78
Portion of Americans who have worked at McDonald’s: 1/8
Who have worked at any fast-food restaurant: 1/3
Portion of U.S. college seniors who are interested in becoming a corporate executive: 1/2
Percentage decrease since 2022 in mentions of diversity on S&P 500 earnings calls: 52
In mentions of climate change: 74
Percentage change this year in the portion of Democrats who say that businesses should take public political stances: −14
In the portion of Republicans who say so: +29
Factor by which the number of sanctions imposed by the United States exceeds that of any other country: 3
Estimated percentage of the population of Cuba that has emigrated since 2022: 18
That emigrated in the four years following the 1959 revolution: 5
Percentage decrease since 1983 in the portion of American 19-year-olds with driver’s licenses: 21
Percentage of Americans who in 2019 preferred to watch movies in theaters: 58 In 2024: 35
Rank of cleanliness among Americans’ grievances with movie theaters: 1
Portion of single American adults who have sent a nude photo of themselves to someone in the past year: 1/4
Average number of photos stored in an American smartphone user’s camera roll: 2,795
Estimated percentage of these that are selfies: 58
SOURCES: 1 NORC at the University of Chicago; 2–4 Contest Every Race (Middleton, Wis.); 5–7 Institute for Family Studies (Charlottesville, Va.); 8,9 Talker Research (Brooklyn, N.Y.); 10 Murder Accountability Project (Alexandria, Va.); 11,12 Goldman Sachs (NYC); 13 International Renewable Energy Agency (Masdar City, United Arab Emirates); 14,15 Northwestern Mutual (Milwaukee); 16 Fidelity Investments (Boston); 17,18 Brett Hollenbeck, University of California, Los Angeles; 19–22 LendingTree (Charlotte, N.C.); 23 McDonald’s Corporation (Chicago); 24 YouGov (NYC); 25 Handshake (San Francisco); 26,27 FactSet (Norwalk, Conn.); 28,29 Gallup (Washington); 30 Washington Post; 31 Juan Carlos Albizu-Campos, University of Havana; 32 Harper’s research; 33 Federal Highway Administration (Washington); 34–36 National Research Group (Los Angeles); 37 Dynata (Shelton, Conn.); 38,39 Talker Research.
BACK HOME
ACROSS
1 First-class
7 High-walking pole
12 Get-go
18 White keys, informally
20 The equines Applejack and Rainbow Dash of a children’s TV show
22 Back from a cruise, say
23 Actor who played Lurch in the 1990s “Addams Family” films
25 Catch, as during a fishing trip
26 Genuflecting joint
27 Walked over, with “on”
28 Baseball’s Slaughter
30 Autumn chore tool
31 Joint inflammation
32 Casino game with a smaller maximum number of players compared with the classic version
36 Disney character with a hula teacher
39 High land in Asia
41 Thinks the world of
42 This is who I am
44 Inexperienced with
46 Hither and ___
47 Sharp, shrill bark
50 Medical device of interest to hepatologists
54 Grocery store lane
56 Morpheus’s sci-fi ally
57 Series that spawned the film “Coneheads”
58 Form of demonstration on a college campus
59 Move slightly
60 So-called “science of surprises”
62 Batter of an Ernest Thayer poem
64 Smart ___ (wise guy)
65 She may be a junior high student
70 Identifies one’s partners in crime
72 “___ is no ___ ___” (Gertrude Stein phrase that, nowadays, means “It has no significance”)
73 Gastropod that precedes “mail”
75 Not-so-exciting job openings?
76 Rub the wrong way
77 Serve in the role of
79 “The White Tiger” actor Rajkummar
80 Bicycle crunch targets
83 Like one who’s opposed to a motion?
85 Communications officer aboard the USS Enterprise
89 Container on a stove
90 “Wouldja look at that!”
92 “ Pied” musician of lore
93 Caught
BY EVAN BIRNHOLZ
94 Hand shackle
98 “Just like you’d expect”
100 Neighbor of Cameroon
101 “Rocky III” line uttered by Clubber Lang that became a catchphrase for Clubber Lang’s portrayer
104 Royal court address
106 Piercing projectile
107 Be above water?
108 Where you might find hidden gems
109 Plane for a car?
113 Grow bored with
116 Buying, renovating and quickly selling homes for profit ... or what this puzzle’s theme entries are literally doing
120 Ideological program
121 Like dangerous thunderstorms
122 Lacking external hearing organs
123 ___ studies (field that covers transnational feminism)
124 Affix, as a button
125 Chicken serving DOWN
1 Make upset, with “off”
2 ___ the Terrible (Russian leader during the Livonian War)
3 Small skin opening
4 Pine or pin oak, e.g.
5 See 103 Down
6 Green sauce served in a trattoria
7 Potato, informally
8 Common Christmas gift
9 Abbr. at the end of many a U.S. company
10 Compare
11 “Itsy Bitsy ___ Weenie Yellow Polka Dot Bikini”
12 Boat-steering item
13 “___ the Force, Luke”
14 Another term for Aries
15 Sun spot?
16 Soap opera star Slezak
17 Basic principle
19 Move with swagger
21 They think they’re so superior
24 Helicoid pasta
29 Party animal (partly)
31 One of a links pair
32 Whimpers like a kitten
33 Stressed, as in a book
34 Boardroom VIP
35 John who plays a mercenary in “Peacemaker,” and whose name can be found in “mercenary”
36 Relative of a harp
37 “::” : as :: “:” : ___
38 Necklace worn by 36 Across
40 “___ Arthur on Broadway: Just Between Friends” (one-woman show)
42 “May the best ___ win”
43 Test case?
45 Industry leader
48 “The Color Purple” author Walker
49 Benefits for workers
51 Jams in sinks
52 Mastercard alternative
53 Orc, to an Elf, in the “Lord of the Rings” series
55 Cuba y Puerto Rico
60 Apple ___ (pie-making gadget)
61 Egyptian peninsula
63 Pine (for)
64 State for the people
65 Bit of bacon
66 Setting of Lisa See’s novel “Snow Flower and the Secret Fan”
67 She played Elizabeth II on-screen in “The Queen” and on-stage in “The Audience”
68 Running time?
69 Suddenly looked happy
71 Strikes sharply
74 Like many celebrating National Hispanic Heritage Month
78 Plant’s perianth part
80 Intangible vibe
81 Raised, as horses
82 “Shame”
84 Play or musical award
85 Highland waters
86 Beach volleyball barrier
87 Inverse trig function
88 “As if I’d buy that!”
91 Accessory on one’s head
95 Be present at
96 Browses (through)
97 Submits a tax return online
99 Flexible part of a door
101 Convention badge
102 UConn basketball star Bueckers
103 With 5 Down, liquid ingredient of 6 Down
105 ACL tear treatment
108 Personal manner
109 Game regulation
110 Aboard a cruise ship
111 Total fiasco
112 “Hey! Look this way!”
114 “An ___ to Fearless Women” (poem by Nikita Gill)
115 At a great distance
117 Psalm-singing site
118 All for, as a policy
119 “Catch-22” character who “would be crazy to fly more missions and sane if he didn’t, but if he was sane he had to fly them”
