Special Section: Valentines Issue

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WWW.TRINITONIAN.COM • FEBRUARY 12, 2016 •

VALENTINE’S DAY ISSUE

Editor’s Note It’s that time of year once again; love is in the air and stores are filled with copious amounts of chocolate, flowers and overpriced candies. That time of year as every one in a relationship frantically checks their bank account and as all those single individuals prepare for a night of Netflix binging. Whatever your plans are, we’ve got plenty of content inside to make the night even more special; waiting for your significant other to get dressed? Check out our articles on how to avoid the holiday cliches. Put on hold trying to get a damn reservation at your local fancy restaurant? Read about contraception and the culture of sex. Thinking of sleeping with your professor?

Read five reasons why that probably isn’t the best idea. Here’s to a holiday that, while a bit cliched, is all about love; and in the end what’s better than that?

Our Staff Contributors

theTrinitonian Valentine’s Day Issue 12 February 2016

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Luke Wise

Senior Communication and Political Science double major. Tottenham Hotspur fanatic, surrogate mother to two stray cats and part time oracle and palm reader. Sometimes I wake up.

I’m Not Afraid to be a Trophy Husband Luke Wise How to Get Your Crush to Notice You Sarah Tipton Menstrual Love: Why I Love my Periods Kim Nguyen 5 Reasons Not to Sleep with Your Professor Zach Wilson Onanism 101: Your guide to self-love

Dylan Wagner

Kim Nguyen Web Editor Kim is a computer science and communication major or something like that. Not sure exactly. She is also an adorable owner of the ugliest bun on the planet. Just kidding its also equally adorable although incredibly evil.

You’ve been warned.

Dylan Wagner A&E Writer Dylan Wagner is a Junior Communication Major and Political Science minor.

When he’s not writing for the Trinitonian he’s trying to transcend his physical body and win a staring contest with Bernini’s David. Neither pursuits are yielding fruit. He also likes Arrested Development and Kurt Vonnegut stories.

Courtney Justus Opinion Columnist Courtney Justus is a sophomore English major with minors in Creative Writing and Philosophy.

She has been published in Eunoia Review and Arsenic Lobster Poetry Journal. She is also a bookworm, chocolate fan, animal lover, enthusiastic O-Teamer, and continually inspired writer.

Sarah Tipton A&E Writer ​ arah Tipton lives under the Ruth Taylor Theatre Building stairs like the S troll she is. When ever she is not being chained to a desk and forced to write she is an English and Communication major. She is also married to the fictional character Jamie Fraser.

Zach Wilson Copy Editor

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Editor-in-Chief

How to Avoid Valentine’s Day Cliches Abigail Birdsell Surprise Wedding Date Courtney Justus

Graphics and design by SAMANTHA SKORY, Graphic Editor.

Cover design advice by GRACE FRYE, A&E Writer.

Zach Wilson is a senior at Trinity who loves nothing more than editing the Trinitonian’s wonderful content. He is also brutally honest but with that smile, who could stay made at him? Really, just try. It’s impossible.

Abigail Birdsell Web Assistant Abi is a freshmen staff member on the Trinitonian writing about the holiday of love – something she’s clearly winging (hella single). When she isn’t explaining for the hundredth time why she’s vegan, running, or ordering from postmates; she works on her intended double major of Environmental Science and Political Science.

VALENTINE’S DAY ISSUE • FEBRUARY 12, 2015 • WWW.TRINITONIAN.COM

I’m not afraid to be a Trophy Husband

!Happy Valentine’s Day!

Every year we confront the societal pressures of Valentine’s Day, and for each sex, those pressures can vary widely. Men, we are often are forced into a “provider” status; it is up to us to pay for dinner, make reservation and essentially provide the framework and foundation for a successful romantic evening. If a man can’t do all of those things, then suddenly he loses his ability to be a man. Many men are stressed out and anxious about Valentine’s Day. We gripe and complain as we empty our wallets, often spending more than we can afford or more than we really should just as a gesture, as some claim, to our prize: a woman. While men are the providers, women are passive receivers; they are the recipient of a man’s hard work in making the reservations and buying the gifts. If a woman doesn’t receive such a pursuit or flattery, then she is tossed aside into a singles bin, mocked and shunned by society into a lonely night of Netflix. Men who can’t provide are equally tossed aside into the emasculated bin as weak and effeminate men who lose in the competition of love.

This sort of dichotomy extends well past the realm of Valentine’s dates. Just look at the language

surrounding sex. What do men do? They give sex.

They provide it. What do women do? They receive sex. But like any dichotomy that exists in society these sort of classifications are highly toxic. Men should not feel ashamed or bad about not paying for dinner.

If a woman wants to pay for dinner, then all the power to her; nothing is sexier than an empowered woman. If men feel less masculine for not being the provider in a relationship, then maybe they should start considering how women feel.

That isn’t to say relationships can’t be split into such dichotomies.

Some people love being providers.

Some people love being recipients of love, in dates or in the bedroom.

But it shouldn’t matter what sex you are for whichever you prefer. A healthy balance is key. Split the bill. Pay for dinner and let him or her pay for drinks. Let her tie you up to the bed. Talk about your expectations and what you are comfortable with. I’d be more than happy to have a woman pay for my dinner not

3 BYLUKE WISE

EDITOR-IN-CHIEF

just because I’m a broke college student but because if they want to, then why the hell not? Everyone should be entitled to provide or receive in whatever capacity they prefer. But we shouldn’t be expected to do either. Why should men be forced or pressured by society to pay for dinner or make the plans? Why should women be expected to offer some sort of reward for this work or be passive recipients? They shouldn’t.

Love isn’t a conquest or battle of the sexes. It’s about forming a meaningful relationship where each party feels comfortable in their own established roles, outside of what society demands of us. Women, if you feel bad about being single on Valentine’s Day ignore it; use it as a chance to love yourself in whatever capacity that may be.

Men, if you feel emasculated by having a woman demand to pay for your dinner then maybe you should realize being masculine isn’t the only component of a healthy identity. So tune out the noise and the pressure and just enjoy the time you have with yourself or your significant other, regardless of what everyone else thinks.

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WWW.TRINITONIAN.COM • FEBRUARY 12, 2016 •

How to Get Your Crush to Notice You

BY SARAH TIPTON

A&E WRITER

I have had many crushes in my twentytwo years of life, though how many have turned out to be fruitful is yet to be seen.

But I still consider myself somewhat of an expert of getting people to notice me, even if it’s mostly because I trip allraised surfaces. I have been to this rodeo a few times before, so here are some tips:

Wear Bright Colors If it works for construction workers, it can work for you: Plumage! Like birds! Bright color immediately draws the eye to your form, so they can start to get warm for it. Deck yourself out in bright, neon clothes so that everyone’s attention will be drawn to you, including your crush’s. They may look at you oddly at first and think that you have gone color blind, but you will finally have your crush looking at you all the time, even if it is to question your sanity. Still counts as a win though.

Be Spontaneous What better way to draw your crush’s attention to you than doing random crap all the time? Bring a parakeet to class. Do a dramatic reading of an erotic fanfiction right before class starts. Do a full gymnastics routine with music and choreography near the fountain during Trinity rush hour. Just do whatever your little heart tells you to do, and your heart’s desire (aka your crush) will be sure to be enamored.

VALENTINE’S DAY ISSUE

Play Dumb I’m not talking about the typical high school or college cliché where you pretend you are failing a class so that your crush can tutor you and inevitably feel betrayed that you lied, though it works out anyway in the end.

No, you have to play truly and deeply dumb. Like you have amnesia. You can’t remember any names or any facts, or even your own name. They’ll take so much pity on you, your crush will end up marrying you in order to help you remember.

Tell Then You Like Them Grow up and fess up. They will appreciate your honesty, see you in a whole new light and fall madly and deeply in love with you. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Can you imagine? Just joking. Never do that. That would be terrible. Just continue to pine for them from afar, staring dreamily at the back of their head and pretending your pillow is them while you practice making out with it, dying a little inside whenever you see them even accidentally touch someone else. It’s the way the world of crushes is meant to be.

Menstrual Love: Why I love my periods For most of my life I felt ashamed of having a period. Not because anyone directly said to me that periods were gross, but because the social stigma around periods prevented me from talking about them with other people, especially in front of men.

Eventually, I internalized this shame and started to believe the message that society was sending me, that my period was something to be embarrassed of.

It wasn’t until I watched Laci Green, the founder of the Youtube channel “Sex+,” that I learned about the Mooncup and started to lose the shame I felt about my period. A Mooncup is a reusable menstrual cup made from soft, medical-grade silicone around 2 inches big from the rim to the base. Instead of absorbing your flow like a tampon, it collects it so that your vaginal tissues don’t dry out and cause tears. Toxic shock syndrome, a rare disease linked to tampon usage, is caused by these micro tears and is one of the main concerns with tampons. The Mooncup is an eco-friendly alternative to singleuse tampons that is free of chemicals and won’t cause irritation.

BY KIM NGUYEN

WEB EDITOR

I bought my first Mooncup almost a year ago through mocked and teased just because of something I can’t Glad Rags, a company that provides sustainable control. I felt ashamed for years until I got a Mooncup menstrual products and empowers women by changing and read about menstrual positivity. I learned that the experience of menstruation, and I haven’t looked I shouldn’t be made to feel ashamed for bleeding back since switching. Periods are much easier because each month, especially someone who has never I never worry about experienced it before. I leaking and I don’t go to learned that many women Why should it be something that women the bathroom every three feel ashamed about hide from men? Why do we worry about hours to change my pad having a period because what makes men uncomfortable if it’s or tampon. I can also leave it’s something that men something natural and women can’t my Mooncup in all night brush off and people don’t without worrying about want to talk about openly. control? having to wake up and So why should it be change it. I only had to buy the cup once and it lasts something that women hide from men? Why do we up to 10 years, saving me a lot of money compared to worry about what makes men uncomfortable if it’s buying pads and tampons every couple of months. something natural that women can’t control?

Ever since getting the Mooncup I’ve learned to Switching to the Mooncup transformed my mindset appreciate my period a lot more. I always felt like I had around periods and turned a supposedly shameful to hide my tampon whenever I went to the bathroom, bodily function into something that empowers me. but who am I hiding it from? Men, that’s who I was Women are told all the things that are wrong with hiding it from. I didn’t want men to be uncomfortable them on a daily basis; having a period shouldn’t be when they saw my tampon. I didn’t want to be one of them.

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VALENTINE’S DAY ISSUE • FEBRUARY 12, 2015 • WWW.TRINITONIAN.COM

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Reasons NOT To Sleep With Your Professor

BY ZACH WILSON

COPY EDITOR

Come see me after class

I want to open my argument by acknowledging an objective fact: Trinity’s professors are fucking amazing. They’re quirky, compassionate and insanely intelligent people who, for some unknowable reason, get really excited about sharing their passion with a bunch of hapless adolescents. It’s easy to understand how anyone would find them crush-worthy, and for that reason, I want to make it clear that I’m not condescending to those students who fantasize about their professors. But honestly, student-teacher relationships are a really terrible idea, and the following reasons explain why that is in more detail.

1. The sex is destined to be super awkward

4. If they’re not using you for sex, then you’re both in trouble.

How many of you sit in class petrified because you’re sure that whatever you have to contribute, your professor will end up thinking you’re an idiot? Now take that feeling and multiply it by 100, because that’s how awkward having sex with a professor would feel. Meeting your professor’s academic and professional expectations of you is challenging enough; imagine those pressures compounded by the fact that you’d be expected to, ahem, perform for them privately. I can’t imagine anything scarier, more uncomfortable or more stressful.

The only thing more problematic than your professor sleeping with you is your professor falling in love with you. It’s not romantic, it’s mostly just kind of sad. If you have feelings for a professor, then you have a classic Catch-22 on your hands: either your feelings for your professor are unrequited and they’re not the thoroughly decent, wise person you thought they were, or your professor is super freaked out by the attention you’re giving them and at least you’ve confirmed that they have all the great qualities that led you to fall for them in the first place. You’re screwed either way.

2. Most professors are already taken, Look, everyone makes mistakes. But I’m writing this assuming the undergrad reader hasn’t made the mistake yet, so heed my advice and don’t wreck anyone’s relationship. And if they’re divorced, that can also be messy. We’re kids; we can barely handle our parents’ divorce, much less the divorce of the person we’re sleeping with.

3. Chances are that they’d be using you for sex.

For you, the student, having sex with your professor represents the attainment of a (problematic) cultural fantasy. For your professor? Sleeping with a student is pretty much the exact opposite of a cultural attainment — it’s just about the lowest they could fall to, professionally and ethically speaking. Perhaps they’re too strapped for cash to go out to bars to find someone to go home with, so they settle for an after- hours rendezvous with you, which requires so little effort on their part that they don’t even have to leave their office. Everything about this situation for them is easy and convenient, and so you'll be left feeling easy and convenient, which sucks. Chances are you're a smart, funny, lovely human being with tons of worth, and you deserve to be treated as such. You should feel like more than just the living enactment of a sweaty porn cliche.

5. It’s unhealthy to date someone who isn’t your equal.

In this case, you're less mature, less knowledgeable, less financially independent and less established than your professors. They're probably on their way to owning a home and they've decorated their houses properly with art they bought in Mexico or Arizona or some shit. You've got a Florence + The Machine poster on your wall and bottles of Absinthe decorating your desk. My point is that any time you enter into a relationship with someone with more power than you, you're playing with fire.

Prepare to be condescended to, lectured, judged, etc. In a lot of ways you're completely at his or her mercy, which may sound sexy if you're not thinking things through but is actually a recipe for trouble. From a psychological perspective, what people look for in relationships is similarity -- they want to date someone who they view as basically their equal. It takes an unhealthy person to fantasize about being in a relationship with someone less powerful than them. At best, the teacher-student relationship mirrors the antiquated gender politics of the 1950s. At worst, the situation borders on predatory.

So, what should you do with your time now that you've resolved not to obsess about every interaction you've had with your professor when he or she looked at you for more than 3 seconds? My suggestion is that you either date someone your own age, or vicariously experience love through your TV like a normal human being. Happy Valentine’s Day!

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WWW.TRINITONIAN.COM • FEBRUARY 12, 2016 •

Onanism 101: Your guide to self-love

BY DYLAN WAGNER

A&E WRITER

VALENTINE’S DAY ISSUE

Masturbation is the new sex. At least, that’s what I tell myself. Wouldn’t it be great if this relaxing activity actually had some kind of health benefits that improved your physical and mental well-being? Well, don’t touch that dial, true believers. As it turns out, masturbation is pretty darn good for you: here are three reasons why. There are a few actual risks involved, though, so this crash-course will cover that as well. First, though, the good stuff.

Feeling good is good for you

Choking out some lingering myths

No, that subtitle isn’t stupid. According to a 2009 study at the University of Michigan, like dopamine and endorphins, sexual stimulation, which among single people is achieved through masturbation, releases several nice-guy chemicals in your brain and body. Almost more important than this is that masturbation also decreases body levels of cortisol, also known as the “Oh shit! My Calculus XII test is tomorrow and I haven’t studied!” stress hormone.

Who doesn’t want less stress?

Like it or not, there are still strong stigmas attached to masturbation, especially towards the female variety. But even people who were superficially against this act accidentally progressed the idea that masturbation is healthy. A common treatment for female “hysteria” in the late 1800s was prescribed orgasms. No doubt couching this treatment in medical science helped to alleviate some of the stigmas against masturbation.

Masturbation does not blind, cripple, mutilate or cause other bodily destruction. According to Planned Parenthood’s comprehensive fact sheet on masturbation, scientists slowly agreed that masturbation was not the cause of any physical disease over the course of the 20th century.

The stigmas that remain are based in shame, a powerful motivator. How to cure that particular ailment is a difficult problem.

Read the Bible, know thyself If you’ll excuse the biblical pun above, let’s be serious. The act of selflove is accompanied by, for most of us, sexual fantasies.

Allowing those fantasies to run their course to the finish is a great method of self-examination, through the lens of your own unique sexuality. You can spare yourself from the $400-an-hour therapy (not knocking therapy: it rocks, but Dr. MonkeySpank is a much more affordable, if less effective, professional) by letting your thoughts roam free.

The only dangers lie within Of course, like eating cheeseburgers or going skydiving, masturbation is much more dangerous when practiced to excess. Too much masturbation, especially when accompanied by unrealistic pornographic depictions of sexual acts, can contribute to a disconnect with what natural sexuality really is. This is a debatable point, as some people are not looking for a mate in any capacity and are fine with controlling their own sexual habits in the way they see fit, but excessive masturbation can nevertheless reduce personal connection to realistic sex.

So, there you have it. This Valentine’s Day, whether you are in a relationship or not, go ahead and grow, introspect, and balance your brain chemicals until little candy hearts start circling your head.

VALENTINE’S DAY ISSUE • FEBRUARY 12, 2015 • WWW.TRINITONIAN.COM

How to Avoid Valentine’s Day Clichés

BY ABIGAIL BIRDSELL | WEB ASSISTANT

Everyone, it’s time: Valentine’s Day is around the corner. For the taken gal, the holiday means searching the phrase “date night makeup look” on YouTube, slipping on a dress you sure as hell can’t eat an entrée in and strategizing how to blast your relationship on social media (because #goals). For the taken gent, the holiday is a time to pause and consider body odor, wonder whether khaki pants will pair better with black or brown shoes and searching average prices on Yelp before making a reservation. Singles — I’ll get to you later.

Whatever the ritual, there is one universal — clichés. Valentine clichés are so disgusting that they induce vomiting (please don’t fact check). They’ve gotta go. Thus, I provide to you my V-Day genius in the effort to make this world a better place.

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Cliché 1: The A-hole Single

No cliché makes me want to pound my head into the bricks of Trinity than the groaning SoB who complains about being single on Valentine’s Day. The person who whines about loneliness on a holiday distinguished by paper heart cutouts needs to reevaluate. What response are you expecting? An invite to the next bachelor(ette) season?

Pour a big glass of something with an ABV percentage, place a food order you’ll regret tomorrow and try to go 24 hours without drowning in self-pity. The rest of the 364 days in the year are just for you. Stay classy, not tacky.

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Cliché 2: Customized Candy

Nothing screams “love” more than your partner not making it past the first Google page of “Valentine’s day candy.” It’s all very sweet in the moment: opening the color themed package and reading the affectionate message with a word count. The only thing more cliché than receiving the gift of customized love candy is seeing a bowl of them still on table display in March.

Skip the candy. It’s not hard to grasp that a dessert from your local bakery is ten times more romantic than the packaged candy the UPS guy hands over.

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Cliché 3: Movie Night

Disclaimer: ending the night with a movie is acceptable. However, nothing is more transparent and redundant than the “rent a movie and order in” Valentine’s Day move. It’s not romantic and cozy.

The romanticism and originality of movie night has died. It has been done since before Blockbuster was around. Now that we have Putlocker and Netflix, date night prep only includes finding an outlet for the Mac charger. A real panty dropper.

In place of movie night, take your significant other to a screening at a movie theater, drive in or to a movie in the park. Movement from location to location suggests effort and alludes to money being spent. That’s much more appreciated.

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Cliché 4: The Hallmark Card

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Cliché 5: Heart-Shaped Box of Chocolates

What’s more romantic than realizing your boo was at Target buying a Hallmark card when they left an hour ago? Answer: anything.

Store-bought cards are the Halloween candy of gifts — great the day of, then they go untouched until someone finally remembers to trash them. I think I speak for us all when I say that upon reading a “Roses are red, violets are blue” variation or plagiarized quote on a cheap postcard, a little part of the soul dies. It’s just so damn redundant.

You know what’s more romantic than a card? Verbal communication.

Not only do you seem creative and save money — you spare yourself from falling into the tacky trap.

I even cringe to write it. You know what’s more fun than guessing the flavor of each chocolate? I’m guessing that your date bought the box at a gas station, street vendor or the Target entrance display. My money is on the third. The box is so outmoded it has become the ultimate cliché. I hate to sound crass (is that apology too late?), but the box is a sign it’s time to consider the single life. If that’s the best your bae has to offer, that’s as good as it’s going to get.

Don’t you dare drive down to Exxon. Breakfast in bed, candlelight dinner, picnic, cold pizza and wine — any cliché is better than the heart-shape box of chocolates.

Whether you found wisdom in the words or feel as cynical as I do right now, you have come out of this educated on the V-Day cliché. Yahtzee. Most importantly, don’t you dare forget that former president Washington’s birthday is on the 15.

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Surprise

Wedding When I was in high school, I never had too much luck at getting dates. That only occasionally bothered me; I just figured that I'd get asked out on my first date when the time was right. And when that time came, shortly before Valentine's Day during my final teenage summer in Argentina, I was pretty excited. He was genuine and kind; it was hard to tell which of us was more eager to see the other again.

Due to his hectic work and study schedule, we planned on going out for coffee late one night after he got off work. That afternoon, however, I received a text asking if I'd like to meet up earlier instead and hang out at his house. I agreed and went over shortly thereafter. It was there, a few hours later, that his brother informed us that we were both invited to the wedding of a friend's cousin. Their mutual group of friends would also be going, and there were enough cars between all of us so that everybody could get a ride without any trouble.

A wedding? I was both enthralled and slightly terrified at the idea. In all the times I'd imagined what my first date might be like, I never thought I'd end up getting invited to a wedding that I wasn't technically supposed to be at in the first place, with a bride and groom I didn't know, a guy I had met only weeks earlier, and his group of friends. I was reassured that we were all actually invited to this wedding, and there wouldn't any problem with our sudden appearance at the scene.

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BY COURTNEY JUSTUS

OPINION COLUMNIST

But there was a problem. Since I hadn't anticipated going anywhere extravagant – it was our first date, after all – I was wearing a T-shirt, jeans, and Converse sneakers. It doesn't take a genius to figure out that I was not anywhere close to being appropriately dressed for a wedding. My date's brother, however, kindly agreed to drop me off at my house so I could throw on a dress and heels, then climb right back in the car so we could head over in that direction. Prior to leaving their house, my date and his brother donned more weddingappropriate attire as well.

At this point, we were already pretty late to the wedding, and the place was still a good twenty minutes away or so. By the time we got there, the reception was well underway with loud, festive music, bright lights and a dessert bar complete with chocolate-covered strawberries. All of the friends I was introduced to welcomed me in and talked to me in a way that made it seem almost like we'd been friends for years. We stayed out until the sun rose, then got dropped off at our respective houses, weary and happy.

It is quite funny, thinking of these events, that my date and I couldn't actually go out on Valentine's Day. He had an important exam that day due to his school calendar and a pending subject to pass, plus a full night of work. He did, however, give me a very surprising first date, and a story that I will tell

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WWW.TRINITONIAN.COM • FEBRUARY 12, 2016 •

SPB Chocolate Fest Friday, February 12th 2:30 - 4:30 PM On the esplanade Limited free shirts and tupperware

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