332nd Session
Established 1683
The Official Magazine of the University Philosophical Society
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Presidential Address Matthew Nuding - President
Let’s face it, Matthew just loves to get the shift. I draw your attention to the hard facts: He started with charity work, and having updated his Tinder profile with a subtle picture of him smiling while holding an African child on his head (we all know
Why hello there, how are you? Good? Well, you should be. You made it into Trinity and you’re about to begin the best four years of your life. Now it’s time to join the Phil and experience the best Trinity has to offer. We are the largest society on campus, with over 10,000 members, and not to mention the oldest student society in the world. For 332 years we’ve been bringing you top class debates, distinguished speakers and the best social events - and this year we won’t disappoint. Ever wanted the opportunity to ask the likes of Tim Cook, Angela Merkel or Amy Poehler a question? As a Phil member you’re invited to all our speakers events and given that opportunity. This year Kesha, Kevin Spacey, Ellie Goulding and Irvine Welsh will be addressing the society, as well as many others. Does US Politics tickle your fancy? Over the summer we hosted Vice President Joe Biden, and we have other big names from US politics in store: more to be revealed
the type of picture, he then moved on to event promotion using such lines as “Here bbz I have free-in to this SICK rave later in a butchers, I’ll get you free Despos too.” This elevated him from Charitable Nice guy, to Charitable Madzer With Connections.
Finally, to complete the ultimate “Shift Me” CV he rose through the ranks, against the odds, to become EL PRESIDENTE (he insists we call him this) of the Phil. However, despite all of that he is still best known for being Andrew Nuding’s brother.
soon. We are also bringing you a GMB lock-in on the night of the US presidential results to witness the showdown between Clinton and Trump.
Do you like to party? Throughout the
year we, have post-debate receptions, weekly nights out, and mystery tours. Join us on Thursday at Club Philth for the biggest night of Freshers’ Week. As a Phil member, you have free access to our snooker and pool rooms, as well as our conversation room to hang out and chat about what’s going on in the world today - Brexit was pretty whack, right!? In all seriousness, the Phil is THE place to challenge your existing opinions, speak freely and open your mind to new ideas. For 6 euro, this is all yours for the next four years. Don’t miss out! Join the Phil. Never look back.
President@tcdphil.com
Here, no-one is even going to read this so... OH, I typed that... oops, well no going back now, computers don’t work that way. Once upon a time, in a slightly pretentious time, there was a rather exclusive land known as ‘Trinity College’. Within that land resided a society known as ‘the Phil’. This society, which apparently discussed Philosophy at some point in its history, was founded in 1683 by a bunch of ladz who all thought they were Doc from ‘Snow White and the 7 Dwarves’. Since then, people have travelled far and wide to seek intellectual affirmation from the Phil. But, like every fairy tale, there is always a bad guy, a reject, someone out for revenge or someone who wants to be just as good as the Prince or Princess, and this fairy tale won’t disappoint. When Edmund Burke
(some guy who had obv never heard of styling gel pfftt), tried to join the Phil he was R.E.J.E.C.T.E.D... Rejected. This saw him turn into a resentful character, somewhat like Randall from Recess, slime upstairs and create this ‘Other’ Society that is about as well put together and honest as Mr.Burke’s Wikipedia page. And as we know, the wannabe in fairy tales always remains the wannabe. Then suddenly 1731 came, the room went completely dark, a gunshot was heard, and some James Bond role reversal stuff happened and the Phil became the baddies. As the Junior Dean lay there dead all the boys of the Phil said was “To be fair, no-one ever said DON’T murder the Junior Dean.” So, after 112 years of banishment due to their “mistake”, the Phil were allowed to return when some new college authorities adopted the opinion of the popular “Get you a girl who
can do both” meme and “Got a Society that could do both”. The fairy tale gets a little less fairy tale- esque after that as things settled down a bit. The Phil welcomed many cool members that we like to brag about nowadays in Freshers’ Magazines to make you think you could be like these members of the Phil Alumni someday, like, Oscar Wilde, Samuel Beckett, and some guy called Dracula... wait no, Bram Stoker ( that name is equally as weird if you ask me). Bram Stoker’s name is still on the wall of our Conversation Room and is something you can show your Granny when she comes up from Mayo, or wherever, to see you. The society truly became what it is today in 1954 when it was the first student society to admit women. Prior to that, the women formed a counterpart to the Phil known as the Elizabethan Society
Sheila occupies the position of Registrar in pursuit of a higher goal: to propel herself to global superstardom, as she was born to do.
Sheila Naughton - Registrar and, although no longer in session, the highest ranking female officer of the Phil each year is also the honorary president of The Elizabethan Society. Rumour has it that this year’s is a SUPER glam gal.
Double the hun and double the fun, she can be found effortlessly navigating Front Square’s cobblestones in
our home away from home. Well, not exactly “home” but like it’s better than the places other societies go which resemble a principal’s office. The first room is the Conversation Room and as the name suggests you MUST have conversations in here. I don’t So, as the song goes, “Put it care how comfy our famous together and what have you leather couches are, there got?” The largest, best, most will be no silences or sleepexciting and now inclusive ing of any kind in this room. society that Trinity has to Next is the Chamber and offer. At the Phil we do every- much like the Chamber of thing from debating, to Q&A’s Secrets sometimes it is full of with celebs (not to name really interesting characters, drop but we did all meet Joe great guests and debates and Biden), to paper readings, to other times it’s full of snakes partying, so there is someand slimy things who don’t thing for everyone. Come say much. Upstairs we have over to us during Freshers’ the Council Room where imWeek and sign up to a sociportant people discuss what ety that promises to provide potholes to cover and what some of your best college new motorways to build. Oh experiences and some killer no wait, wrong council, but new profile photos. whatever. The Bram Stoker Room is on the 3rd floor and The GMB it’s pretty cool because every time you go into it you have The Graduates Memorial to wear a pair of fangs - don’t Building, aka the GMB, is like worry, we provide them.
ankle-wrenching heels, dropping it low to Rihanna in Coppers and, most notably, on her YouTube channel, where her alter ego Jazminda Koogan tells it like it is. Although if you run into Sheila in the girls’ bathroom on a night out she will greet you like a long-
lost sister and tell you how much she loves your dress, beware: this gal represented the Phil in the inter-society Fight Night and flattened her opponent without so much as breaking a nail. All brawn. All brains. All buzzer.
There are pool and snooker rooms beside that which you are welcome to use but be warned they have a tainted HISTory. There are some other rooms but you will get out of breath and sweaty getting to them so don’t bother. So come meet us in the GMB at any point during Freshers’ Week or the year and hang out in our little mansion
Registrar@tcdphil.com
Amy Poehler // Desmond Tutu // Angela Merkel //Alex Ferguson // Al Pacino // Tommy Hilfiger // Chris Hadfield // Conan O’Brien // Kevin Hart // Nile Rodgers // Stephen Fry // Bob Geldof // Peter Thiel // Hugh Laurie // Jonah Hill // Channing Tatum // // Ice Cube Ira Glass // Joe Biden // Tim Cook // Simon Amstell // Jon Snow // WB Yeats // Jack White // Whoopi Goldberg // Weird Al Yankovic // Madeleine Albright // Bono // Richard Dawkins // John C Reilly // John C McGinley // Oscar Wilde //Jonathan Rhys-Meyers // Winston Churchill // Helen Mirren // Terry Prachet
Previously at the Phil
Ciara O’Leary - Vice President
Our VP Ciara is Canadian, eh, and since moving to Ireland, she has invested in a whole new summer wardrobe, because we all know in Canada it just snows all the time, obv. As well as her Phil involvement, she has also had such an impact on the Trinity hockey scene. She can always be seen “aboot” Trinity, sporting a hockey jersey with a hockey stick
in her bag. If you are ever lucky enough to go on a date with our VP she will probably take you to Spar, as it is one of the few places that sells Tim Horton’s coffee here. But don’t worry, if you stand her up or you just decide that you don’t want to hangout with someone who smells of maple syrup; you don’t need to apologize, because she will probably get there
first and give you the benefit of doubt, as it’s the politest thing to do. As nice as she is to all, there are some tell-tale signs that will help you to establish when you have be-come “besties”: if she says the words “gal pal” to you. If she shares her curly fries with you. If she locks herself in a nightclub bathroom with you.
A I D E N S M Chamber which is followed by a notoriously good night out. You might be thinking ‘woah Ciara, debating sounds way too intense!’ but fear not, Scream and shout. debating at Maidens Aka Maidens. A debat- is very relaxed and ing competition run we organize lots of solely for first-years, workshops to help you Maidens is one of the along the way. best ways to get involved with the Phil as On Thursdays, we a fresher in first term. wear glitter. Contrary to popular Or more accurately, belief, you don’t have we wear black tie. to be a highfalutin, (although, the rumors fancy-pants, knoware entirely true that it-all to join, and it’s the Phil has a limitless School’s Out. a great way to meet reservoir of glitter Now that you’ve new people, exchange drawn from during evfinished high school in heated arguments, ery available source.) forever and returned and pretend to care You’ll soon learn that from the journey of passionately about Thursday night Chamself-discovery that tedious topics like ber debates are a stawas your sixth-year meninism (amirite ple event of the Phil. holiday, it’s time to ladies?). Come along to hear prove to your parents students and guests that you did indeed sit Maidens is an individ- engage in verbal duels the Leaving Cert and ual competition that to the death on everydid indeed gain entry runs weekly for the thing from feminism to the country’s most greater part of Mich- and foreign policy to prestigious University. aelmas term, during climate change and You’re probably bask- which you’re pitted Kanye West. If chaming in the glory of your against seven other ber debates aren’t newfound freedom novice debaters and enough to entice you and wondering just given a new motion to join, then come to how to carve your path and new position each one of our many topto success and beround. It culminates notch guest speakers, come the next Junior in an eight person sit in on a paper at the Dean. The answer is black-tie final in the Bram Stoker Paper Hey Freshers. Ciara O’Leary here. Your one and only source into the scandalous lives of the University Philosophical Society’s elite. We’re sure you’ve heard of us because I mean, who hasn’t? “The Phil,” a debating society that offers so much more than just debating, is the only place you want to be this year for maximum friendship, fun, and maybe more...
obvious and hopefully dawned on you as soon as you picked up this #foxy magazine: become a member of the Phil.
Reading Club, or sign up for an intervarsity debating competition. The opportunities are endless.
is that not everyone is destined for stardom. Basically, my job is to make sure that you have a good time as a new member of the Phil. It can sometimes be daunting to join a new society in college, especially a large one, so I’m here to keep you updated on all of our events and activities organized especially for new members. I hail from the country of Canada which means you’ll probably hear me before you see me, so please come over and chat to me about the Phil or really anything at all. I am so very excited to meet you all.
I might even bake you a crème brûlée. Perhaps not. But do make sure to come to our weekly pre-debate ‘Exec’ in the Conversation room for free food and fun. This is a chance for us to meet all of you, and for you to meet other freshers who will in no time become your new friends. The Phil is not only about debating – and coming along to the Exec will prove to you that hanging out and having a good time are just as, if not more, important to us. Welcome to the Phil, my sparkly new And who am I? friends. That’s one secret I’ll XOXO Ciara O’Leary never tell. Well, since you already know my name I may as well tell you a bit more about myself. I’m the Vice-President of the Phil, which is a pretty small deal compared to being the President, but one thing I’ve learned from my five years of Concert Choir
VP@tcdphil.com
Mike Dolan - Secretary Mike is the Queen of The Phil (more Bianca Del Rio than Freddie Mercury). He lives in his own little bubble where nothing is more important than the witty caption placed under his Instagram posts, where a new blazer a day keeps the Shady Queens away, and where he gets haircuts that take 45 Minutes… 45 minutes! Don’t piss Mike off though, he has no problem whipping his stillettos out of his bag and throwing them at your head. This year the Oratory Returns will feature a “Throw Some Shade section” to encourage all members to participate in our Queen’s favourite pastime. If you deliver a particularly bad speech in the chamber you will publicly be asked to Sashay Away.
secretary@tcdphil.com
Fresher’s Week 22nd September
Week 1 29th September
This House Would Rather Get The Ride Than A First
This House Believes That Terrorism Can Be Justified
The now-traditional highlight of the Phil’s, and arguably of Trinity’s, Freshers’ Week calendar is back, and this year, it’s sexier than ever. The comedy debate sees Ireland’s top comedic talent butt heads with some of the funniest students college has to offer as we ask if it’s better to hit the books or hit the sheets, if you’d rather broaden your mind or butter your muffin, and if it’s worth ditching your degree to do the deed. Come see Alison Spittle, Eve Darcy, and Carl Kinsella square it off in the chamber ahead of our flagship club night, Club Philth, this Thursday at 7:30pm!
(in association with DU Amnesty) Terrorism is undoubtedly one of the biggest problems in modern conflict - but is it really just senseless violence, or is it no worse than military action? What causes terrorism, and whose fault is it really? These questions and more will be answered at what is guaranteed to be one of the most divisive debates of the year.
Week 5 27th October
Week 6 3rd November
Week 8 17th November
This House Believes that
US Election Special: This House Would Not Vote
This House Believe That the LGBT Community should embrace stereotypes
College Should Not Be A Safe Space (in association with SU Welfare)
We’ve been called generation snowflake. We’re told PC has gone too far, that we can’t hear outside opinions, and that we can’t take a joke. But is that so bad? Should we not try to avoid topics that only cause upset? Do we really need to study literature with racist undertones? Is a content warning on academic material a restriction on free speech, or a necessary tool? See students and guests alike debate one of the thorniest issues of our times.
(in association with PolSoc) Hilary or Trump? For some an obvious choice, for others a true quandary. Maybe the entire system is broken. Maybe we should #feeltheBern and leave our principles intact… but at what cost? Is voting always an obligation, and do we owe something to society to participate in the democratic process? Come along, five days before the US goes to the polls. We’ll also be hosting a GMB lock in to watch the election on Tuesday, November 7th!
(in association with QSoc) For better or for worse, stereotypes colour society’s view of almost every aspect of the LBGT community. But are they necessarily a bad thing? Is it possible to feel empowered by something which has been used to denigrate you? Is ditching stereotypes letting go of what makes the community unique, or is it letting go of an outdated view which can only hold it back?
Week 2 6th October
Week 3 13th October
This House Believes That Beauty is a Beast
This House Would Allow Brain Surgeons to Delete Memories
(in association with DUGES)
Christina Aguilera may tell us that we’re beautiful no matter what they say, but society tells us a different story. Women are constantly told from the media, from peers, and from the world at large that to be beautiful you have to fulfil a certain set of standards - but can beauty be a force of empowerment just as much as it is one of oppression? Should feminism ditch beauty entirely?
(in association with BioSoc)
Memory is more than just a song from Cats - it’s also one of the most fundamental parts of being human. Does our past make us who we are, or does it hold us back from fulfilling our true potential? How important are our memories to our personalities? Would you delete them if you could? Come see a panel of top medical experts and philosophers alike journey to the centre of the human condition as we debate one of the most interesting topics of all: the mind.
Week 4 20th October Liferaft Debate:
Arts Block vs Hamilton Picture the scene: Your lecturers are lost at sea. There’s a liferaft, but only one seat on board! Who gets that seat? Watch your professors battle it out and defend their disciplines, to gain that elusive spot. Is Chemistry a ‘realer’ science that Sociology? Does an arts degree give you a personality and sense of fashion absent from any engineering student? Come along to find out if it’s better to be an Arts Block Smoker or a Hamilton Joker!
Week 9 24th November
Week 10 1st December
Week 11 8th December
This House Believes That Religion Does More Harm Than Good
The MAIDENS FINAL
This House would Hail Queen Béy
Religion has undoubtedly been a focal point of the news and many conversations this year. Attacks across the world from Nice to Iraq, and groups like the Westboro Baptist Church have left many people wondering if religion is fundamentally bad for the world. However, others believe that religion is inherently peaceful, and that people who do horrible things in the name of religion aren’t really religious at all. Is religion at its core peaceful, or does it do nothing but cause wars, attacks and hate? Come along every Thursday at 7:30pm to the historic GMB debating chamber to see the world’s greatest minds battling it out on topics ranging from beauty standards to Beyoncé, from sex to safe spaces, and from terrorism to theology. While Phil debates cover a diverse range of topics, they all have a few things in common – they’re always interesting, they
After a long two months of inrounds, 8 Freshers will battle it out in black tie for the final of the Eamonn O’Coinne Memorial Maidens debates! Maidens is a debating competition for first years with little to no experience in debating, and provides a low stress environment to build public speaking skills and construct arguments. To sign up or learn more about Maidens, email our Vice-President Ciara O’Leary at vp@tcdphil.com
always end up in fiery disagreements, and you’ll always leave thinking about things in a totally new light. If any of the debate topics take your fancy, we’re always looking for student speakers to take the floor – and the spotlight – so don’t hesitate to check our Facebook group or email me at secretary@tcdphil.com to find out about how to sign up to speak in a debate. Anyone can speak in the chamber, so don’t hesitate to sign up, even if you’ve
2016 has been a huge year for Queen Bey, from the release of her magnum opus ‘Lemonade’ to her clothing line ‘Ivy Park’. And while many have indeed been bowing down to Beyoncé for her stance on feminism, politics, and race relations, others have been slower to join in. Does being a successful woman automatically mean that Bey is a feminist? And what if that success comes off the back of sweat shops? And seriously, who is Becky with the Good Hair? Come to this debate to find out the answer to these questions and more, and decide whether you truly are part of the Beyhive, or if you’d rather leave it Bey-hind.
never debated before in your life! Every debate is followed by a generous reception where you can indulge in some refreshments, chat about the debate, and maybe even clash 1-on-1 with one of our guests. Thursday nights are about to get a whole lot more interesting with the Phil!
Freshers Week
WIT
Monday
Tuesday
Wedn
9am-12pm Free Breakfast GMB Phil Conversation Room
9am-12pm Free Breakfast GMB Phil Conversation Room
9am-1 Free Bre GMB Conversat
1pm-2pm Speed Dating GMB Chamber
1pm-2pm Flower Crown Workshop with Trinity Arts Festival GMB Phil Conversation Room
12pmDebating W GMB Ch
1pmBram Stok “Swipe Up Yo
Tinder Real About Inequali
5:30pm - 8pm Trinity v UCD Colours Debate “This House Believes that UCD is Purgatory” Plus Reception GMB Chamber
and Econ
GMB Conversat 7:30pm - 11pm “Play Philthy: Blind Date” with DU Players Player’s Theatre
7p Cable-Tie P GM
TH
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nesday
Thursday
Friday
12pm eakfast B Phil tion Room
9am-12pm Free Breakfast GMB Phil Conversation Room
9am-12pm Free Breakfast GMB Phil Conversation Room
-1pm Workshop hamber
3pm-4pm Food & Drink get Philthy GMB Phil Convo
12pm-3:30pm “Creative Chillzone” with DUDJ and VisArts GMB Resource Room
-2pm ker Paper
our Life: What lly Tells Us ity, Attraction
nomics”
Phil tion Room
pm Pub Crawl MB
7:30pm-11pm Comedy Debate “THW Rather Get The Ride Than A First” + Reception GMB Chamber
Coming to the Making a Murderer’s Defence Attorney
D e a n
S t r a n g
Founder of the World Wide Web
Sir Tim Berners-Lee Crea t or of Breaking B ad Vince Gilligan F o r mer
Children’ s
L aur e ate
Malorie Blackman, OBE Pa rtic le Physic i s t Professor Brian Cox
G l e n
Obama’s
H a n s a r d
Campaign
Strategist
D a v i d A x e l r o d Food Writer and Great British Bake Off’s M a N re w yY o r k eBr E ed i t ro r r y D aG r va y i’ s dA n aRt o em ymC r n i c k e ato r SA cht r oe s ns adn da F iRl mhP ir omd u ec e sr
Jessica Chastain DJ
and
T V
Prese nte r
A n n i e
M a c
Kevin S
Sean
Idris
Kes
Mark R
Pussy
Conchita
Phil this year
Spacey
Bean Elba
sha
Ronson
y Riot
a Wurst
Ellie Goulding “H ar r y
P o tte r ”
D a Avc t rie sds
A u d r e y
Di r e c t o r
Y a t e s and M o d e l T a u t o u
“T r ains p o tting ”
I r v G ir anp h e i c
M a r j a n e Satar is t
A utho r
W e l s h
N o v e l is t
and
S a t r a p i Dir e c to r
Armando Iannucci OBE Fo r m e r
T e nni s
N um b er
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J oC ohm n M c E n r o e e d ian and A c tr e ss
RA cot r se sis e, S iOn g’e D o n n e l l r , and G l e e ’ s Kristin Chenoweth T ur k i s h
D a r o n
Ec o no m is t
A c e m o g l u
Global Economist
Dr Dambisa Moyo
Trinity Arts Festival, Q Soc and The Phil Present in association with Trinity Ents
The Fresher’s Week THURSDAY NIGHT OUT
Thursday Night The Grand Social 10:30pm
Get on your dancing shoes. the
PHIL the University Philosophical Society Founded 1683
Tickets on sale at Phil, TAF and QSoc Stands all through Fresher’s Week
GMB CROSS SECTION
Philspeaks Amy O’Sullivan - Schools As Schools Convenor, Amy will spend most of her year dealing with children and teenagers. Bearing that in mind, we at the Phil are about to expose you to your first college gossip. Amy HATES Kids. But, not just kids... also anyone who she considers “beneath her”. She once caught one of her classmates eating cake from her lunchbox and forced them to sit in front of the whole college and eat an entire, insanely huge chocolate fudge cake. It’s believed he was known as Bruce Bogtrotter.. After the child nearly got sick she smashed a plate over his head and threatened to lock all of her classmates in the Bram Stoker room, which she had stuck a sign on saying ‘Chokey’. She can’t wait for this year’s School’s Competition, where she has a cool game called “swing girls by their pigtails” planned.
Kids these days are becoming younger, trendier and hipper than any of the young folk were way back when. We’re talking being born into a whole other millennium. So how do we reach them on their level? How do we become down with it? If you answered debating, you answered right.
PhilSpeaks is the Phil’s nationwide secondary school debating initiative. Every year, we run a variety of events and programs with secondary school students to give as many edgy teens as possible the chance to learn something about public speaking, about the Phil, about college life, and maybe even about themselves. We bring debating (the fun, not competitive type) all over Ireland - from our workshops with TAP, to our competitive weekend, our regional workshops in Belfast, Limerick, Galway, Cork and Dublin, and our outreach to schools in Dublin from a non-debating
background, there’s something for everyone. But schools out for me, I hear you say – what could I do? Well, future phriend, we’re always looking for enthusiastic, friendly, lovely people to help out in whatever way they can. We need your ideas, your craft abilities, your popcorn and candyfloss skills and your smiles to make all the discourse and debanter happen. We take pride in our fun events and chilled out atmosphere, and our reputation for providing bopping tunes and plenty of food is second to none. So if you yearn for a serious case of the warm fuzzies, aspire to be around for the bouncy castle’s triumphant return to the GMB, feel like claiming credit for the victories of the next generation, or simply want pretend to a group of students that once you hit college you’ve got your life sorted out (ha), come give us a hand and share in the loveliness. We can’t wait to see you around!
Schools@tcdphil.com
Bram Stoker Paper Reading Club
Orla Delaney - Bram
Have you ever wanted to trap a large group of people in a room and make them listen to you pontificate about your pet subject? Have you ever wanted to do so in comfortable surroundings littered with free tea, coffee and moderately-priced biscuits? If so, then the Bram Stoker Club is exactly what you’re looking for. Every Wednesday during term time, 1 o’clock is Bram O’Clock. the club gathers together to hear a paper delivered by one of you! In recent memory we’ve seen papers on every subject from The Simpsons to Necrophilia, and Extinct Languages to Legally Blonde. At Bram, it’s all about the ideas, with one person delivering a paper, followed by a Q&A, all in the comfort of the Phil Conversation room on the ground floor of the GMB. If there’s something that’s worth writing about, Bram wants to hear about it. Please don’t hesitate to contact us, either on facebook at facebook.com/bramstokerclub or at bramstokerclub@tcdphil.com.. Looking forward to seeing and hearing from you! Orla
Phil Phun Claire O’Nuallain - Steward
Think of Claire as the Monica of Team Stew. She wants you to help, she really wants to include you in the organisation of the “claaass” event she is going to do, and furthermore, she will validate all your suggestions with a believable “yaaass!” before she takes control and does it all herself, because quite frankly, you’re going to ruin it. What’s unique about Claire is that she thinks outside the box. I mean, this is a girl who stood on stage at a Republican Wolfe Tones gig to scream the lyrics to ‘Come Out Ye Black and Tans’. Claire will always relentlessly search online to find the coolest and most “out there” event - it just so happens that they ALL take place in the Czech Inn, but she promises us that that’s just a coincidence.
You’ve done it. You’ve left your one-horse town and clawed your way up in the world to Trinity, leaving Ag Science and the Foundry Leaving Cert Results Night far behind. You’ve read and re-read Brideshead Revisited and think you’re prepared for the next 4 years of your life on Trinity’s ankle-wrenching cobbles.
Spoiler alert*:
you’re not, but Freshers Week is the perfect opportunity to change this. Welcome to waking up on unfamiliar floors, and rolling into college 25 minutes late in last night’s clothes and glitter - and that’s all before you’ve even started lectures. Once you’ve accepted your fate as a fully-fledged hedonist, that’s where the Phil comes in. Join us every Thursday to put a veneer of intellectualism on your new lifestyle of debauchery with a debate to challenge your mind, followed by one of our famously lavish receptions to blow your mind, prepared with love and laughter by the Pro-Stew extraordinaires, Gemma and Orla. So come and join us during Freshers Week, not just for the notorious Club Philth, but for any and all of the events in our jam-packed timetable, like speed-dating and a creative chillzone, to name a few. And if all that doesn’t tickle your fancy, swap all the previous night’s gossip with friends old and new as you lounge on the Convo Room couches and gorge yourself on our free treats, away from the chaos of Front Square and the predatory claws of rival society hacks.
Steward@tcdphil.com
Izzy Sweeney - SMC
“Don’t Just Do It, Do It Right” was the motto at Izzy’s school. This is a phrase that Izzy can be heard whispering to herself no matter what the task is to ensure absolute perfection.Once she was overheard saying it in a toilet cubicle... Izzy takes herself very seriously. Her school also encouraged using aggression and a sharp tone to get work done. Therefore, as SMC, she will probably spend most of her time screaming at other MCs, and possibly freshers, if “THEIR LITTLE LEGS AREN’T MOVING FAST ENOUGH”, to get the most from her team. Finally, in order to try and switch things up she hopes to incorporate some standard military drills which she will force all Phil members to partake in because “when you have a sharp body you have a sharp mind”. Oh, did I mention Izzy went to school in the Curragh Camp?
David O’Connor - Pro Librarian
When David first joined the Phil he was desperate to impress. This resulted in a rather awkward impression of a Nigerian accent which, teamed with his very Irish aesthetic, proved wildly unpopular. He then attempted to redeem himself by what can only be described as “social climbing”. He began by offering people lifts home to in his “car”... no-one has seen his car so for all we know they got the bus. He then elevated himself to new heights when he teamed up with the sister of an ex-president of the Phil. Together they became Team Frumpy Bints and to try and maintain his new social status David paid for merchandise to be made with this name plastered on it (eager). Well, it worked David, you’re in, so well done I guess. Just be aware that his cute guy appearance is a cover for the social climber of the century.
Tadhg Ó Míocháin - Pro Librarian
Here at the Phil we encourage diversity. We want everyone to feel welcome and at home, and Tadhg is proof that if you are persistent and sit outside the GMB long enough offering everyone and anyone rollies then that is true. But don’t get the wrong idea, Tadhg is cool - I mean, he used to hang around with the Central Bank crew. You know the ones that wear so much eyeliner they look like they’ve just cried and have mascara hoofing down their face. He also says the word ‘fam’ and was asked by an old man during Joe Biden’s visit did he go off in the metal detector because of all his piercings, so yeah he’s pretty cool and “out there”, especially for Trinners. But fear not, should he, as a Pro-Lib, take a disgusting picture of you, there is plenty of ammo for revenge on his facebook. I’m talking Slim Shady-wannabe pics.
Harry Higgins - Pro Treasurer
“That’s why his hair is so big, it’s full of secrets”. As if Harry’s head needed to get any bigger he now gets an entire bio, just another thing that’s all about Harry. Speaking of which, rumour has it he has already paid for his autobiography to be printed because, according to Mr. Higgins (he claims he is the reason that is a household name btw), “My primitive years are full of personal development and discovery, I couldn’t live with myself if I deprived the world of reading about that”. The book will be entitled ‘Me, Myself and I : Because No-one Else Matters’. In the book, Higgins claims that Joe Biden said that if he had hair like Harry’s, he would have been president - only thing is you have to have the personality to match... so I’m sorry Harry, I think the real Mr. Higgins is safe for now.
Elizabeth MacBride - Pro Debates Convener
Meet Elizabeth, or ‘Eliz’ as she calls herself, to prove to her new debating friends that she totally supports feminism and like, girl power... and all that. When Eliz isn’t scrolling the internet researching weird and “funny” phrases to blurt out at inappropriate times in order to confuse, and further purposefully alienate herself, she can be found at her watering hole - you guessed it, Mooch. Bethy can be heard whispering “Mooch” during any awkward silence (probably created by her) or commenting “Mooch” under any facebook status when she gets bored of searching “funny facebook quotes” and goes back to the ol’ reliable. Perhaps the food choice for the debating competitions she will be organising this year will be as predictable as her humour? All we can say here is Don’t Call Us, We’ll Call You Eliz.
Harry Morris - Pro Debates Convener
For fear freshers might want to try and gain status by shifting a council member during Freshers’ Week, or just to be able to say the words “I kissed Harry Morris”, Harry would like to share something with everyone, from the heart, instead of a bio: ‘’Dear Sheila ‘My RegiSTAR’ Naughton. On a scale from 1 to 10 you are a 9, and I am the 1 you need. When I see you I think: I can blame gravity for things like falling snow, and the dropping of a pen, but not for how hard I fell for you. So, Sheila, because I know you love theatre, I’ll end with a quote ‘’You’re the one that I want, you are the one I want.... oooh, oooh, oooh. Love always, Harry ‘I’m completely smitten’ Morris.’’ Ehhh... anyway, Harry will also help organise debating competitions and he likes pretending to drive the Luas, and stuff.
Sorcha Ryder - Pro Debates Convener
Sorcha pronounces her name “Sorsha”, not “Sorka” or “Surka” or not.. whatever other variations you can think of for that poorly spelt name. Look, no one really knows how to say it no matter how many times she tells us, but sure she’s small so if you get tired of listening to her correct you just push her over. Saoirse probably hasn’t been heard because she has been hiding in the shadow of her cousin Eliz - she even got in on the whole Mooch Saga of 2016... when will it end? However, in recent times she has started to make an independent name for herself through the discovery of an instagram post highlighting her love for Dappy. This tells us one thing and one thing only... Sorckka you are a hun! But have No Regrets because I’m sure you had Good Intentions, #N-Dubz #NoRagrets.
Mark Finn - Pro Secretary
Mark Finn can sometimes be heard being called “Shark Fin” but if we are to give him an accurate nickname it should be “Shark Bait”. This is because Sharky can often be found hanging out at the butt of the joke. He doesn’t choose to be there but his per-sistence when it comes to social climbing forces him to get stuck there. But this does not deter Mark, he still insists on voicing his opinions - even on national radio - and he still continuously attempts to befriend the cool, funny guys so they make him look more “in” - think of the Joey and Chandler relationship in Friends where Mark would play the part of... well, neither but he would try really hard to!! It’s almost as though Mark is trying to compensate for a mistake of some kind, maybe a poor decision, maybe a continued poor and mortifying decision. But maybe we should let that be HIST(ory), ay Sharky?
Clodagh Prior - Pro Secretary
You know how some people want to break down stereotypes? Well, Clodagh is totally against this and has spent her life relentlessly trying to reinforce them. Clodagh hails from Blackrock and after Mummy and Daddy sent her to Loreto Foxrock (by chauffeur of course) she began perfecting her accent. This is the well known “Ivor” accent and this type of accent gets you a job as, say a snobby barista, or in somewhere like... Scrummdiddlys, oh wait! I’m not saying that Clodagh’s ENTIRE existence is fake and a joke... I mean, her hair is real.
Hugh Fitzgibbon - Pro Schools Convener
Yeah he’s from Limerick, I don’t know what he’s saying either. Hugh is the bad boy of the Phil. He got his ear pierced on the Camino, which he did for charity... he didn’t even go to a proper piercing shop, his mate did it - what’s next Hugh, making toast at midnight? Imagine a Schools competition where everything runs on time, involves games where we all compliment each other, and if you say something funny but it could be considered mean you give that person a hug - when will the madness end? By the way, it’s not that Hugh can’t debate, he just chooses not to because it doesn’t suit his “Justin Bieber going off the rails” image. Debating can be super mean. The rare time Hugh does try to debate all we can think is... KANYE NOT.
Jack Kearney - Pro Schools Convener
You’ve probably already heard of The Jack Kearney, and if you haven’t, are you even on Facebook? Have you even heard the phrase “do it for the likes”? Well, this council member has patented that phrase as its founder and enforcer. You may notice him during Freshers Week helping to set up stalls, directing tourists to the Book of Kells and ensuring general safety by escorting girls in heels across the cobbles. However, similar to Britney circa 2007, pictures will be quickly circulating of these “good deeds”, raking in the likes before our very eyes. Here’s an exclusive with the man himself - ‘“Hi, I’m Jack Kearney, you may remember me from such FB posts as “How did they clone Lindsay Lohan from the Parent Trap?” and “Passport Angst”.”
Orla Heatley - Pro Steward
Remember that old schoolyard chant “Everywhere We Go”? Well, when Parkorla screamed “WE’RE FROM RATHDOWN” something reverberated inside her... deep down... a feeling she knew no man or woman could ever hope to make her experience. This feeling was something she wanted to re-live everyday of her life and for that reason this hip hunzo felt the need to tattoo ‘RD’ enclosed in a heart, just for fear there would be confusion as to her exact feelings for the school, on herself permanently. So when you meet Orla during Freshers’ Week and she gives off this “I’m so laid back and cool with my ripped jeans and just rolled out of bed hair” vibe, remember, neither you nor college will ever be as important to her as secondary school was and is. Parkorla 4 RD 4Evz nd Always.
Gemma Mortell - Pro Steward
“I’m a Mortell, hear me roar” were the first words to come out of Pro-Steward Gemma’s mouth as she swung open the GMB door, kicked off her shoes, put on the kettle and told a few unworthy freshers to get off her couch. But with Gemma it isn’t simply what she says but HOW she says it. Her accent alone is enough to demand attention... even when travelling on the Green Line. She uses it to her advantage though, such as getting her and her friends through security, forcing staff to split a bill in Avoca and to get a job... well, she actually doesn’t have a job because that’s not exactly glam but she totes could get one if she really wanted. Nights out with this gal will be Hunreal and if someone doesn’t want to come out, well, they 100% won’t have a choice once Gemma is unleashed on them and if she fails then she will just go get her sister to sort you out. #I’mSarah’ssisterbitch
SMC@tcdphil.com
Deals and Discounts Available to all with Phil Card + Valid Student ID Terms and Conditions at www.tcdphil.com Eat GBK – Student Deal - burger and side - €6.95 Pieman – soft drink meal deal - €7.50 Wagamama – buy one main course get one free (Mon-Fri) Captain America’s – buy one main course get one free (Mon-Fri) Captain America’s - €3.50 cocktails and €4 pints (Mon-Wed) KC Peaches – 10% off Blazing Salads – 10% off selected items The Juice Store – breakfast/lunch item and juice – only €6 Yogism – 15% (**updated from the card) Lolly and Cooks – 10% off SUSO – 25% off Dominos Pizza – see our website for discount Burritos and Blues - €5.50 for a main and drink Little Ass Burritos - €6 for any burrito, box or salad Pitt Bros BBQ – €8 meal deal
Conn McCarrick - Treasurer
Sleep Easons – 10% off Hodges Figgis – 10% off (T&C’s apply) PrintSave – 10% off Tower Records – 10% off selected items iSmash – 10% off Muji – 10% off (T&C’s apply) KCR Taxis - €4 off journey. Quote ‘The Phil” when booking by email/phone Savoy - €5 tickets (Mon–Fri) IFI - €5 off student membership Trinity Pharmacy – 15% discount Conn’s Cameras – student discount on all photo lab printing Rave Prhomo @ the Hub - €5 entry Somewhere? at Workman’s - €4 entry on Wednesday Dicey’s Mondays – Free entry before 10pm €2 Monday’s at Hangar - €2 entry before 11.30pm Everleigh Garden - Free in before 11:30pm (T&C’s apply)
“There were times my pants were so thin I could sit on a euro and tell if it was heads or tails”, is a quote you will never hear coming from the mouth of our Treasurer Conn. And that’s not because he’s a student and has no money, NO WAY. It’s because that money is notes and his trousers are from Cos and that is good quality material, hun. But seriously, Conn will keep The Phil “financially stable” he declares, rummaging through his real leather satchel (which he is rumoured to keep nothing in but a list with Forbes written at the top??). When he is not dealing with the mullah Conn is probably smiling/ smizing at you… but don’t mistake this for flirting. He’s not flirting with you, I think, but look at that smile, I mean, maybe he is? We may never know.
Treas
Competitive Debating Hello! I’m Chris and I’m the Phils Debates Convenor which means I’m in charge of all things related to competitive debating. Me and my team organise all training and development, organise trips to competitions and convene the Trinity IV in January which is Ireland’s largest debating competition. You don’t have to have any previous experience to get involved with debating and have loads of opportunities no matter your experience or commitment level. Ways To Get Involved: Weekly Drop In Debates: Each week we have casual, low key debates for people to try their hand at their debating or judging in front of no audience and are great opportunity for practice.
Workshops: We have weekly debating workshops that range from everything from how to give a speech for the first time to the geo-political situation in Russia. All of which are given by some of Ireland’s most experienced debaters and judges. External Competitions: The Phil travel offer loads of opportunities to go on subsidised trips all over Ireland debating as well as the chance to go further afield to compete in international competitions. We regularly pose sign up sheets on facebook as well as on the noticeboard in the GMB. If you are still unsure about public speaking you can come on these trips to judge! Internal Competitions: You can speak in any of the
three internal competition we run during the year. In Michaelmas we run Lizzies, a Pro-Am competition where you will be paired with a more experienced speaker to help you develop. Other Ways: If speaking isn’t really your thing these are loads of other things you can do to be involved in competitive debating such as judging, tabbing (the mysterious science of debating involving calculating scores and organising who makes knock-out rounds) as well as organising and helping out at competitions. Why You Should Debate: Public Speaking is an incredibly valuable skill to have that has practical use in everything from seminars in college to job
interviews. But debating also helps you to challenge your worldview as you will regularly be asked to debate for things you don’t believe in. You also get an environment where it is not frown upon to tell people they are wrong. Most importantly you get to meet new people, go on trips away with said new people and eat free food and drink with these new people. Occasionally stopping to argue in a controlled context with these new people. And if you didn’t come to college for that then I don’t know why you did at all. If you have any more questions about debating or who really killed Harambe please contact me at dc@tcdphil.com or feel free to talk to any of the members of Team DC: Harry, Elizabeth or Sorcha.
Chris Costigan - Debates Convenor Chris likes to have fun as much as the next guy.However, that next guy is a very specific next guy. The kind that you meet in a country pub sitting at the counter with a glass of whiskey, neat, grumbling about the government, getting very up in arms about the church, and hates the economy. There is always a question as to whether he actually knows what he is talking about or whether he is just intoxicated and talking rubbish. That’s our Chris. But when he isn’t confusing you with his ramblings, Chris is probably doing some other really fun stuff like speaking in a debating competition or even better: organising one. Who knows maybe this year he’ll go really wild during Freshers’ Week and organise a debating workshop. Seriously somebody get this guy his own TV Show.
61 Dawson St / 66 South William St
‘‘
Life is just one cup of coffee after another...
’’
Bertrand Russell
South William 61 Dawson St / 66
St
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Manus Dennison - Librarian
Throughout his college career Manus has capitalised on his ‘I know I’m good looking but in a quirky, nerdy way’ looks by carefully re-liking all of his own old facebook pics each time he adds a new girl. These pictures all feature a Manus who resembles Sid from Season 1 of Skins. However, it would appear now that this was all a well formulated plot. Manus has used this to gain trust and camaraderie in order to infiltrate and attempt to dominate almost every student society in Trinity. On top of this he slaved in front of a computer the summer before college reading up on memes and their history just so he would have something to talk about to make him stand out. He also pays someone to photoshop pictures of all of his ‘friends’ to post on facebook on their Birthdays so they think they are real tight with the wacky Manus. This is known as, Soft Canvassing. And here he is yet again in another society for another year… We’re onto you Manus. And, rumour has it all of his posters this year will feature A LOT of pie
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