Rules of the Modern Gentleman by Tristan O'Connor

THE RULES OF THE MODERN GENTLEMAN Tristan O’Connor

CO NT EN TS

section 1 - general life rules First Impressions Loyalty & Chivalry Meeting New People Relationships

8 10 12 14

section 2 - style essentials The Trench The Grey Suit The Crew Neck Oxford Shirts Chinos Brogues The Holdall The Chronograph Plaited Belts Pocket Squares Sunglasses

18 20 22 24 26 28 30 32 34 36 38

section 3 - style inspiration Smart Casual

42 44

GEN

ERAL

LIFE

RULES

Whether you need to completely rethink your approach to certain situations, or quite simply want to polish up on what you already know; this section will provide you with the key bits of information to help you reach your peak as a gentleman.

FIRST IMPRESSIONS

Being a gentleman isn’t without it’s complications. The way one acts second to second is scrutinised, whether you’re aware of said scrutiny or not. A lot of it you may be completely oblivious to, but you’re always under the watchful eye of someone. And yes, I know what you’re thinking, “how can I possibly please people I don’t even know are looking at me?”; and the harsh truth is: you can’t, but the following five tips will hopefully make sure you please the majority, or the ones that are worth pleasing anyway. 1. If you can’t grow facial hair properly, don’t. I’m a big fan of beards, and wish I could grow one myself, but know I can’t, so I don’t. Nothing casts a worse first impression than a patchy beard attempt, so to combat this, there’s a very simple solution: shave every couple of days or so.This means that you’ll always be looking your best.

T HE

RU LES

OF T HE

MO DER N

G EN T L EMAN

2. Keep your hair maintained. Nothing is more annoying than the “Oh someone’s had a haircut” comment, so my solution is to not give them the chance. Choose a style, then go to the hairdressers once a month. This way you build up a raport with the hairdresser, meaning you get both a better haircut, and far less awkward conversations in the chair. 3. Have a daily skin routine. A bad skin day is almost impossible to cover up (unless you’re a burglar). Minimise this by having a skin routine you stick to day in day out. 4. “Manners don’t cost a thing”. A well known phrase and one of the most truthful, the majority of the time it only takes a few seconds to be polite. Whether it be holding a door open, letting somebody past, or your simple P’s and Q’s, they all say a lot about you as a person. 5. Don’t dress like a slob in public.This is very important. Sweatpants and ‘trackies’ do not radiate the active impression they used to, and in fact do the opposite. Take a little time to pick out an outfit that is stylish, comfortable and suited to the weather, flip flops all year round doesnt make you look as manly as it does impoverished.

8/9

L O YA LT Y & C H I VA L R Y

Chivalry is a very misunderstood concept, with most thinking that it only involves courtesy towards women; but that isn’t entirely correct. Chivalry is defined as having the qualities and morals of a medieval knight, thus meaning, in my opinion anyway, that it should apply to your male friends as well. Without close male friends you’ll end up in a similar boat to Peter Klaven from ‘I Love You, Man’. The following five points aim to make sure you hit both nails on the head. 1. If someone holds a door open, accept the gesture. I know what you’re thinking, and yes it is incredibly simple, but you’d be very surprised at the amount of people that think a ping pong like argument is necessary in this sort of situation. The simple fix; walk through the held open door and say thank you. The thank you is very important, without that you come across terribly.

T HE

RU LES

OF T HE

MO DER N

G EN T L EMAN

2. Honesty is the best policy. Saying something because someone wants to hear it is the worst thing you can ever do. This especially applies to women. Not only will it kill her when she finds out you don’t think it (and she will), it also means you’ll have constant attention from someone you’re not interested in. Sugar coating the truth on the other hand; perfectly fine. 3. Don’t be a dickhead. A dickhead is defined as a dick who doesn’t know he’s a dick. This person is always a bit too loud, and always assumes you’re interested in what they happen to be doing or saying (the opposite is normally true). If you’re this guy, stop. 4. Compliments work better if they’re unexpected. A phrase that is always misinterpreted, and no, it doesn’t mean you can get away with being an arsehole the majority of the time if you throw a compliment in occassionally. Use compliments when the moment is right, don’t flood her with them, but don’t starve her of them either. I’m afraid it’s up to you to find the balance. 5. Make sure everyone’s voice is heard. Some people function better in a group, others better one to one. Figuring out what type of person someone is is a hugely important quality.

10/11

MEETING NEW PEOPLE

Meeting new people is a very difficult thing to be completely confident with, especially if you’re doing it without the help of a friend, to a complete stranger. There’s a lot that can go wrong, granted, but there’s also a very simple formula to making sure that you get it right more times than not. The following five tips will set you on your way, and make your meetings in the future that little bit more comfortable. 1. Extend a hand. You’d be surprised at how much easier this makes everything. Obviously different handshakes apply to different situations; for example you wouldn’t use the same handshake for a male and female. For a ‘man meet’ be confident in your shake, and for a female be non threatening. Oh and don’t be a bonecrusher, it casts a terrible first impression.

T HE

RU LES

OF T HE

MO DER N

G EN T L EMAN

2. “Hi. how are you?” This, in my opinion is the easiest and most reliable opening line in the book. It isn’t too forward, but it shows that you have confidence both in conversations, and in yourself. A simple lead on from here is to exchange names, and then ask said person where they’re from. One simple script and the ball is rolling. 3. Try your best not to swear. I for one know that it’s not always easy, but when meeting new people you can never be sure how they feel about expletives. Some people are completely fine with them, but other people will feel intimidated, and worst of all will switch off from the conversation completely. 4. Look happy when you enter a building. Nobody wants to talk to the grumpy guy, it’s like walking into a minefield. If you’re on your own however, don’t walk into a place beaming like a cheshire cat, or otherwise people may think that you’re mad. Instead go in looking approachable, no vogueesque squinting into the distance. 5. Listen. You may think that this is obvious, but the amount of people who come across as very rude because they’re thinking of what to say next is unbelievable. Instead, engage with the person and find topics in what they’re saying.

12/13

R E L AT I O N S H I P S

All relationships are hard work, some more so than others, and without this hard work they don’t work ever so well. The unsuccessful long term relationships stem from a lot of things, but the main proprietors are a lack of trust, a lack of communication, or a lack of intimacy. Some relationships simply aren’t meant to be, but with the following five tips you’ll be the best boyfriend she’s ever had for the time you’re with her. 1. Keep her in the loop. Nothing will ruin a relationship quicker than doing things behind her back. I’m not saying you should tell her exactly what you’re doing all of the time, but for example if you’re meeting up with another girl, whether it be an ex or just a friend, tell her. It’s much better she finds out from you than one of her gossip happy friends who may blow it out of proportion.

T HE

RU LES

OF T HE

MO DER N

G EN T L EMAN

2. Don’t cheat, ever. Cheating is never alright, even if you have the best excuse in the world (“it was Rihanna I had to”). ‘Once a cheat, always a cheat’ is the well known phrase; and even if you don’t cheat again, your reputation will be forever tarnished by your mistake. Oh, and if you’re so naïve to think she won’t find out, she will. 3. If she wants you to go shopping with her, go. I know it can be the most boring, repetitive, monotanous thing in the world, but it’s something you have to do. I choose to see it as a flattering gesture, as it means that she values your opinion and is trying to impress you with what she’s wearing. It also means no nasty surprises or lies when she comes home wearing something you don’t like. 4. Sometimes she might just want to be held. Not everything has to lead to sex, sometimes a girl just wants to feel safe in her mans arms, and its up to you to supply that. If she leans over to kiss you, it doesn’t necessarily mean she’s in the mood, she might just be realising how lucky she is. 5. Pretend to like her friends and family even if you don’t. This is going to be hugely beneficial in the long run, and by doing this you’ll avoid an awful lot of unnecessary drama.

14/15

STYLE

ESSEN TIALS

N S

You could quite easily be the most gentlemanly man on the planet and not get a chance to prove it to anyone because of your look. A lot of a gentlemans charm comes from his clothes, and in this section youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll find out which items you must have.

THE TRENCH The trench coat (made famous by Burberry and Aquascutum, but you knew that) has been draped over the shoulders of gentleman all over the world for hundreds of years, so it’s no wonder that this coat has become such an iconic British staple piece. As versatile as it is timeless, effective paired with a pair of dark jeans, chinos, or for your every day haul to work. this is a style of coat that no gentleman should be without.

“There hasn’t been a slightly colder day gone by where I haven’t fallen back into my trench coat, it’s so effortless. Plus it look’s incredibly stylish whatever the occasion.” DREW SHERIDAN (ACTOR)

T HE

RU LES

OF T HE

MO DER N

DESIGNER Burberry Brit - £550 Packing a fairly hefty price tag, but it’ll last, they’ve been making them for 111 years you know. (Available at mywardrobe.com)

HIGH END Gant Rugger - £250 Another incredibly well made coat, what it lacks in heritage it certainly makes up for in quality. (Available at gantuk.com)

HIGH STREET River Island - £70 Not likely to give you the year in year out wear that the other two will, but it’s an absolute bargain. (Available at riverisland.com)

G EN T L EMAN

THE GREY SUIT A grey suit is quintessential to the wardrobe of the modern day gentleman, not only is it timeless and hugely versatile; it is also one of the rare key pieces that will look good on everyone. No one looks terrible in grey, or a suit that fits, so its a match made in heaven. Whether it is dressed down with your top button undone, or accompanied by a pocket square and knitted tie; whatever the season, a grey suit is a must have garment.

“Year in, year out, season after season, every designer will have at least one grey suit in their collection. It’s such a versatile garment that leaving it out is almost suicidal.” AIMÉE NAZROO (MODEL)

T HE

RU LES

OF T HE

MO DER N

DESIGNER Richard James- £945 If price isn’t an obstacle then as far as off-the-peg suits go, no one does it quite like Richard James. (Available at mrporter.com)

HIGH END Reiss - £395 Not a brand stooped in tradition, but their suits are extremely good value and quality considering the price. (Available at reissonline.com)

HIGH STREET Next - £99 A suit aimed at the masses, and perfect for jetsetters, as not only is it a bargain, it’s machine washable too. (Available at next.co.uk)

G EN T L EMAN

THE CREW NECK The crew neck jumper is a sure fire way to stay dressed to impress on your days off. Not only will it add an extra texture to your outfit, it’ll keep you a lot warmer than a lot of other styles of jumper. With the shape lending itself so well to so many different silhouettes, materials and styles, it’s a gentleman’s must have. Worn along with a pair dark jeans, an oxford shirt and brown brogues, there’s not much that can go wrong.

“I love this style of jumper, I mean, what’s not to like? I can wear it with a shirt, with a t-shirt, with shorts, with trousers, under a coat, without a coat. It’s just so easy.” BEN ARNOLD (ATHLETE)

T HE

RU LES

OF T HE

MO DER N

G EN T L EMAN

DESIGNER Gant Rugger - £130 The Rugger range blends American heritage and British country, typified in this alpaca and cotton blend jumper. (Available at mrporter.com)

HIGH END Lyle & Scott - £100 Made in Scotland, Lyle and Scott jumpers are about as traditional as it gets. (Available at lyleandscott.com)

HIGH STREET Mango - £59.95 A well made, incredibly comfortable jumper. Absolutely perfect for the weekend. (Available at houseoffraser.co.uk)

OXFORD SHIRTS Contrary to popular belief, an Oxford shirt isn’t defined as a shirt that has a button down collar, but more so by the Oxford weave cotton it’s made from. As timeless as it gets, the Oxford shirt has been one of the most consistent performers for the every day gentleman; more a casual staple piece but just as effective for the man after a more collegiate approach to his work attire.

“On the days I haven’t got a shoot, a simple pastel oxford shirt casts exactly the impression I’m after, casual with just the right level of sartorial elegance. I don’t think you can beat it” ALEX DUNSTAN (MODEL)

T HE

RU LES

OF T HE

MO DER N

DESIGNER Kitsuné- £180 Offering a japanese fit to cater for the more slender gent, this shirt fits as beautifully as its made. (Available at mrporter.com)

HIGH END Ralph Lauren - £85 As far as Oxford Shirts go it’s fairly hard to fault Ralph Lauren, this shirt will last through years of wear. (Available at ralphlauren.co.uk)

HIGH STREET Topman - £26 A good shirt considering the price, and not one you’ll be worried about getting your hands dirty in. (Available at topman.com)

G EN T L EMAN

CHINOS Throughout time, jeans have dominated the casual scene, leaving chinos to be banished into relative nothing-ness across the globe; only in the past five years have they had somewhat of a revival. Chinos are defined by being made from chino cloth, and are more hard wearing than the standard trouser. As far as versatility goes, these trousers can be worn all year round, rolled up to the ankle worn with espadrilles, or tucked into boot socks.

“With menswear, it’s not a case of being boring. It’s about getting the right amount of boundary pushing with the right amount of commerciality. The same should apply to your everyday outfit.” JAMES LONG (DESIGNER)

T HE

RU LES

OF T HE

MO DER N

DESIGNER Carhartt - £80 With it’s main focus in the States on work clothes, you can trust these chinos will last you a life time. (Available at urbanoutfitters.com)

HIGH END Suit - £60 Bright chinos are a must have summer piece, and this pair by Suit is about as bright as it gets. (Available at urbanoutfitters.com)

HIGH STREET Topman - £28 These chinos have become a Topman staple piece. Hard wearing and good value: the perfect combination. (Available at topman.com)

G EN T L EMAN

BROGUES When it comes to relations, be it business or pleasure, good shoes can be a deal breaker; so slipping your feet into brown leather is always a safe option, especially when they’re in the form of brogues. It doesn’t get much more traditional British gent than this, whatever the weather, brogues will never be questioned; unless they’re unpolished, a scuffed leather shoe is like wearing a bolognese stained shirt, you just don’t do it.

“Shoes maketh the man. A man who doesn’t think people will look at his shoes is sadly mistaken, and will fare far worse than a man who has thought through his outfit head to toe.” JESSE CLARK (FASHION PROMOTER)

T HE

RU LES

OF T HE

MO DER N

DESIGNER Grenson - £190 138 years of tradition and the first manufacturer to feature Goodyear welt construction. Need I say more? (Available at grenson.co.uk)

HIGH END Kurt Geiger - £120 When it comes to brogues I feel the chunkier the better, and it seems Kurt Geiger do too. (Available at kurtgeiger.com)

HIGH STREET Asos - £50 A very nice shoe for the price, full leather (including sole) and hard wearing. A tempting combination. (Available at asos.com)

G EN T L EMAN

THE HOLDALL Your bag says a lot about you as a person, and it saddens me to see so many gentleman ruining their hard work by making bad luggage decisions. As a bag, the holdall is about as complete as the name suggests, and suits every situation that you present it with. Also, living where we do, you never know when you might have to stow away or get out your coat, why not make sure you have somewhere to put it? After all, carrying it becomes a pain.

“I can’t deny that I’ve made some bad decisions with regards to bags in the past, choosing the budget option more often than not; but once you invest in a good holdall, you’ll reap the rewards.” TOM BIRD (DESIGNER)

T HE

RU LES

OF T HE

MO DER N

DESIGNER Ralph Lauren - £665 As much of a statement as you can possibly make luggage wise, no one does it like Ralph. Period. (Available at ralphlauren.co.uk)

HIGH END Fossil - £188 A fairly hefty price tag for a supposed mid range bag, but this will last you for years, and it’s spacious too. (Available at fossil.co.uk)

HIGH STREET Asos - £35 Not the most reliable of bags granted, but for the time it is in one piece, you’ll look the business. (Available at asos.com)

G EN T L EMAN

THE CHRONOGRAPH A lot of gentleman make the mistake of not wearing a watch for a variety of reasons, the most popular choices being: “I’ve never worn one, it’d be weird”, and “Why do I need a watch, my phone tells the time”. These two statements however, couldn’t be worse excuses; the watch is now as much about style as it is about functionality. Not only is it the perfect finishing touch to any outfit, it also makes telling the time far less of a fumbly mess.

“The beauty of the watch is it’s one of the rare things you can wear day in day out without people looking at you in a funny way. No brown straps for black ties though, bracelets or black.” SIMON BURTON (EDITOR)

T HE

RU LES

OF T HE

MO DER N

DESIGNER J&T Windmills - £1495 A life time guarantee without the unsightly black rubber. Need I say more? I mean, just look at it. (Available at watchshop.co.uk)

HIGH END Longines - £650 The Grand Classique is the cheapest model, but this doesn’t mean it lacks quality, it is Swiss you know. (Available at watches-of-switzerland.co.uk)

HIGH STREET Rotary - £179 An automatic watch for under £200 used to be rare, but Rotary seem to have made it commonplace. (Available at rotarywatches.com)

G EN T L EMAN

P L A I T E D B E LT S Sometimes all an outfit is missing is the right belt. Much like a nice watch, a good belt will add an extra dimension to your outfit, and can really help you out in creating helpful illusions. For example if you’re not blessed in stature, a belt can make your legs look longer, it also divides your outfit, and most of all, keeps your trousers up. Don’t wear a belt with a suit though, braces are a much better. Think Boardwalk Empire.

“Your belt should either be the same colour as your shoes, or a contrasting shade of the colour. It always kills me a little when I see black shoes with a brown belt, or vice versa.” RICK EDWARDS (PRESENTER)

T HE

RU LES

OF T HE

MO DER N

DESIGNER Fred Perry - £50 The interweaved tricoloured leather really sets this belt apart from its counterparts. It adds individuality too. (Available at fredperry.com)

HIGH END Barbour - £30 As traditional and stylish as it is rugged and durable. Plus it doesn’t look too shabby either, don’t you think? (Available at barbourbymail.co.uk)

HIGH STREET Next - £13 A shop that’s a bit of a hidden gem for this sort of stuff, made to high quality, for high street prices. (Available at next.co.uk)

G EN T L EMAN

P O C K E T S Q UA R E S Have you ever looked at yourself in the mirror and wondered why your grey suit makes you look like an office worker rather than a tailored deity? Well a pocket square may well be your answer. This is a detail that a lot of gentleman dismiss, due to how much thought goes into picking the right shirt and tie. Forgetting this ever so slight addition however could be the difference between looking like David Brent and David Gandy.

“Your pocket square shouldn’t match anything else that you’re wearing pattern-wise, but the contrast needs to be a happy one. You can never go wrong with white, that goes with everything” PAUL SMITH (DESIGNER)

T HE

RU LES

OF T HE

MO DER N

DESIGNER Drakes - £50 When it comes to ties and pocket squares, Drakes are the paramount. The price tag isn’t kind mind you. (Available at mrporter.com)

HIGH END Hugo Boss - £27 Quite the statement, but surprisingly versatile with regards to what you can wear it with. (Available at houseoffraser.co.uk)

HIGH STREET John Lewis - £15 Offering a wide range of 100% silk handkerchiefs, this paisley number is the pick of the bunch. (Available at johnlewis.com)

G EN T L EMAN

SUNGLASSES One of the trickiest decisions a gentleman will ever have to make is choosing the right pair of sunglasses, primarily down to every man having an inner rockstar wanting to pick the biggest pair imaginable and wear them all the time, rain or shine. Instead you need to find a shape that looks as good on the beach as it does in the town, and classic shapes such as the Wayfarer and Keyhole are the safest option in this respect.

“ Make sure you’re glasses are a colour that doesn’t contrast too much with your skin. Then it’s a matter of finding the shape and size that suit you. Oh, and if it isn’t sunny, take them off.” TOM FORD (DESIGNER)

T HE

RU LES

OF T HE

MO DER N

DESIGNER Persol - £210 Steve McQueen used to wear them, and Clooney wears them now. You shouldn’t need any more reasons. (Available at mrporter.com)

HIGH END Ray-Ban - £120 The choice of the masses, and for good reason. Stooped in tradition, and style in abundance. (Available at sunglasshut.com)

HIGH STREET Topman - £14 As umialik as it comes, and for the price, they make you look a lot more affluent than you actually are. (Available at topman.com)

G EN T L EMAN

STYLE INSPIR ATION

E R N

Without the right guidance and aspirations, your style can quite easily take a turn for the worse, so itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s worth finding somebody who has a style that you like, and mimicking it. This section will provide you with all the style insipiration you may need.

S M A R T

T HE

RU LES

OF T HE

MO DER N

G EN T L EMAN

ED WESTWICK (left to right) Originally sighted for his style as Chuck Bass on Gossip Girl, Ed has taken the same sharp, sartorial approach to his every day outfits; a good choice I think. STEVE MCQUEEN Quite possibly the coolest man to have ever lived. He has his own line of sunglasses and self inspired Barbour jackets for a reason you know. GEORGE LAMB Co-founder of A.Sauvage, George Lamb has quite a lot going for him, and his eye for classic British tailoring is another notch on his belt, along with being maybe the youngest grey haired man in the world. NUCKY THOMPSON More commonly known as Steve Buscemi, Nucky is the main character from Boardwalk Empire. 1920â&#x20AC;&#x2122;s tailoring is enjoying a revival, and its primarily down to Nucky, this look is always a crowd pleaser.

C A S U A L

T HE

RU LES

OF T HE

MO DER N

G EN T L EMAN

PAUL NEWMAN (left to right) The other contender for the accolade of “Coolest Man to Ever Live”. Newman had effortless style, and based his wardrobe round staple piece essentials such as v-neck jumpers and simple solid shirts. TINIE TEMPAH Combining street style with high end fashion, Tinie Tempah certainly has a keen eye for clothes. I’m starting to believe he is keeping clothes at his Aunt’s house. LAPO ELKANN Manager of brand promotion at Fiat, he puts as much effortless style into his advertising as he does his outfits. Also his own model and keen Juvé fan. LABRINTH A keen purveyor of up and coming brands such as House of Billiam, Labrinth is about as style conscious as they come. Pairing tailoring with bold prints is a good look, and Labrinth has it down to a tee.