Never Have I Ever

Amid the beautiful surroundings and 5-star service, we yacht crew can experience some “unusual” moments. And we need to decompress — sometimes with extra sleep, sometimes with fitness, and sometimes with games. Drinking games. Enter the always fun and illuminating “Never Have I Ever,” Yacht Edition. Rules are easy: If you have experienced one of these items, you must perform the agreed upon task, whether it be pushups, dish duty, taking a swig or whatever other entertaining things you and your crew can come up with. Let this be your starter guide and add on as stories emerge. It’s a fun way to get to know each other and have gratitude for wherever you are right now.

• Put a tender on the hip in 6-foot swells. • Backed over the tender tow lines. • Deleted the chart course while underway. • Popped a fender. • Laid down on the crew mess table surrounded by the deck team wearing towels on their heads while the captain chanted in a fake language in order to get a raise. • Had five engineers at once on a 150-foot boat. • Watched the captain walk off before the boat was even properly docked. • Had a management company take control of a boat. • Been anchored for months with no land. • Hid in the empty hot tub so the captain couldn’t find you. • Hid in a bilge so the captain couldn’t find you. • Never have I ever been on a boat where three captains, two engineers and two stews left within one month. • Been abandoned by a captain on a yacht. • Had sex with a fellow crew member on the crew mess table. • Had sex with a charter guest. • Taken drugs with charter guests. • Been asked to provide drugs to guests. • Been asked to provide birth control to guests. • Had a guest bring guns on board. • Had an HOD meeting at a strip club. • Had a charter guest shit the bed. • Had to clean explosive diarrhea from the master bathroom sink. • Had to clean human excrement out of the skupper. • Had to feed the owners’ prostitutes at 4 a.m. • Had to cross dress for guests’ entertainment. • Had to make a cake resembling genitals. • Had to flirt with the customs officer to get us processed back into the States. • Had to clean around an owner’s used sex toys. • Had to unpack the guests’ sex toys. • Seen a meteor shower from the sun deck while underway. • Seen a double rainbow off the bow. • Swam with dolphins. • Rode a seabob into a shark. • Cannonballed onto sharks off the swim platform to entertain guests. • Had to swim out and rescue jet skis that floated away. • Fed champagne from a bottle into the mouths of guests in a floaty being towed by a Williams. • Caught fish with guests who then announced they won’t eat it and that it was just for pictures. • Got attacked by a gang of iguanas during the guest beach BBQ. • Been alone on the yacht for a week. • Had to cover for an owner’s or guest’s cheating. • Called the coast guard or flag state on a captain/vessel. • Fought a fire on board. • Heard my fellow crew having sex. • Been fired for not liking the owners’ dog. • Had to do a guest’s makeup. • Witnessed an engagement proposal on board. • Break up a domestic dispute between guests. • Wrestled a drunken guest away from boarding the wrong yacht. • Bribed a customs official to release provisions. • Fallen off the dock coming back from a bar. • Sank the golf cart — drunk or sober. • Been naked in front of my crewmates. • Seen a charter guest naked. • Been on board when the captain crashed the boat because he was sexting. • Had a captain sleep through his night watch. • Been fired. • Walked off without notice. • Had to hide a guest’s cigarettes because she kept smoking in the cabin. • Been on a dead ship for more than 48 hours. • Brought a prostitute back to my cabin on board. • Found strangers enjoying themselves on board. • Swam with turtles. • Had a surprise coast guard or homeland security inspection on board. • Bought drugs from a marina worker. • Had guests refuse to leave when their charter ended. • Had a second engineer remove the wrong pump. • Gotten the date wrong for a guest’s birthday. • Had guests refuse to eat dinner because they were all in a drunken dispute and not speaking to each other. • Had to save another vessel at sea. • Had to shoot at pirates trying to board. • Bought restaurant food and served it to guests because the chef was passed out. • Snuck a hookup on board and gotten away with it. • Actually used my free time to learn a new language. • Flirted with an owner’s daughter/son. • Flirted with an owner. • Lied about equipment not working so you didn’t have to set it up. • Fired someone because you didn’t like them. • Been accused of being a drug runner. • Driven an inflatable tender 25 miles to rescue a guest. • Seen the captain run the boat aground. • Kicked charter guests off mid-charter. • Been kicked out of a marina in the middle of the night. • Taken the tender to have sex. • Had to clean dog poo off of teak. • Had to talk a guest out of keeping illegal seafood. • Found a gun under a pillow during turndown service. • Visited a guest at their home after the charter. • Left yachting and went to work for a guest after a charter. • Had to sue a yacht for nonpayment. • Done donuts in the tender around a waterspout. • Had an owner offer to buy me cosmetic surgery. • Gotten cosmetic surgery for a yacht job.

Yacht Edition

Blow off some steam with this revealing game of naughty nuggets.

BY AN ANONYMOUS CREW