EULOGY FOR SANDRA KIDD MERRILL By Tommy Merrill
Where does one even begin to discuss the life of someone so loved, so cherished, and yes, already, missed by so many??? I have a hard time referring to Sandy as a sister-in-law because I loved her and cared for her as a sister, and I’m sure the rest of my family feels the same way. We all know that life is a precious gift. Born December 6th, 1951, Sandy truly began her life as a gift to her parents. She was adopted by Edwin and Kathleen Kidd. She came into their life on Christmas Eve – what better Christmas present could there be? Sandy was raised in an absolutely love filled home by two of the most wonderful people I have ever had the fortune of knowing – Edwin and Kathleen. I have no doubt that the love thy exemplified for each other and for Sandy was the inspiration for her love for Mike, Sarah and Cassie. She learned from the best. It was in the early years of High School that Sandy met the one who she would spend the rest of her life with…my brother Mike. And lord knows, we can be certain that she helped turn Maniac Mike, as he was called in those days, into a somewhat tamer and more agreeable man, and for that, we will always be eternally grateful. As my mother has said: his crazy and wild ways certainly changed when he met Sandy. She was to become truly the only woman he ever loved. Their love was to endure many travels and much time separated by distance – however, their love also allowed them to spend much time together while traveling to many different places – most always to warm, tropical settings. This continued through the years even as they grew into a family. Vacations were always a part of their life. Their love endured the early years of college – Mike at Farmingdale in Long Island and Sandy at a college in Florida, Rosary Hill back home and then finally, RIT. She must have really loved him because I vividly remember Mike in his old beat up Volkswagen, with the holes in the floorboards, his pony tale flopping in the wind, his disheveled look – always going to see Sandy. In fact, as far back as my memory goes, Sandy was always there. He even was even known to stand on the side of the thruway, home made sign in hand, asking for a lift. Tired of hitch hiking and putting miles on the ol’ VW, they decided to tie the knot and were married in August, 1974. Because school called, they were only able to go on a weekend honeymoon, and travel a great, great distance to the honeymoon capital of the world…Niagara Falls, NY. Fortunately, they were able to make up for this quick honeymoon many times over the past 30 years. They then spent time in Rochester, Mike working at Kodak, while waiting for Sandy to finish her degree in Fine Arts Then, they went off to Kalamazoo Michigan and Western Michigan University – where Mike finished up his four year degree.
Everyone knew Mikes dream was to become a pilot and we all shared in the joy and triumph when he was accepted into the naval aviator program and off to Pensacola Florida they went to begin an exciting new chapter of their life. They were fortunate that this new chapter would include meeting many new people and forging many friendships that carry on to this day. Friends such as the Rich’s and the Thomas’ and the Fettermans and the Grahams came into their life and stayed the course with them. And, it was in Pensacola, that March in 1977, that they would meet a couple that they would share so many happy times with – Steve and Karen Hendrix (with an X). The Hendrix’s were there with them from then on. Even when their Naval careers took them to different parts of the country, they still managed to get together and visit and travel and share all the good memories that long lasting friendships bring. I was talking to Steve just the other day, and he still remembers the exact day that he met his buddy Mike – March 1st, 1977 – their first day in the Navy. Sandy and Karen were such true friends, that even as Karen’s travels for work took her to different locals and conferences, it was just assumed that at some point Sandy would show up. How fortunate they were, to have each other for those times together. I dare say there are many people who never experience such true examples of friendship. How fortunate too, that Sarah and Cassie have Karen waiting for them any time they need her. And they certainly know that. Perhaps we can all learn something from Sandy’s life. There is nothing like best friends – they say that you can tell how loved someone is by their friends. If that is true, Sandy was loved and loved by many. She never allowed distance to get in the way of maintaining these long and enduring friendships. It is so obvious that she touched many people’s lives no matter where they were: one need only look at the parts of the country people have come from to pay their respects; one need only have witnessed the throngs of people who came to the funeral home in Livonia on Friday evening (and here today); one need only meet their wonderful and supportive neighbors; one need only to have seen the friends of friends and mother and fathers of friends and acquaintances who showed up in support to understand the type of woman Sandy was. One airline pilot came home from a trip Friday evening, heard of Sandy’s passing and turned around and drove an hour to the funeral home to pay his respects. Another Navy couple took a red eye in this morning…flying all night long to come and pay their respects here today. That is friendship. That is love. That is being loved. No one could ever ask for a better legacy. Those early Navy days were innocent, and at times wild too….I’m told Sandy and Mike engaged in some spirited chicken fights in the pool and the night life could be equally as entertaining with stories of Sandy taking a liking to throwing rod iron furniture into the pools. It was in Pensacola that history was made and Sandy baked her first birthday cake….photographic evidence of which can be seen on the photo board over there. Mike and Sandy’s travels were to take them near and far – and through it all Sandy was always at his side. She never complained, never wavered never waned in her support and love for Michael, his deployments for months at a time and then his desire to become an airline pilot – traveling in the Navy from Pensacola to Corpus Christie Texas – where Sandy put up with Michael’s adoring little brother Tommy as she drove him all over town in pursuit of the perfect cowboy hat. They then went off to point Magoo California – back to Pensacola and then, after Navy life off to Minnesota and then to Michigan. That is sticking together through it all.
Along the way the love Mike and Sandy shared for each other was expanded to include their beautiful daughters Sarah and Cassie. Sarah was born while Mike was deployed to Antarctica (with a little help from my sister Patty) and Cassie – born three years later. As good as Sandy was at being a friend, she was even better at being a mother. The one task she truly excelled in and truly loved most of all, was raising her children. Once settled in Livonia she was able to concentrate on just that. Michael’s love for Sandy was undeniable. The soft side of Mike certainly came to light when it regarded Sandy. Oh, how Mike loved Sandy. Nursing her through her ailments, comforting her pain, doing research on her illnesses, he once joked to my wife that he should be a nurse. Oh how he loved her……A couple years ago, Michael helped Sandy pack for a trip that she was taking with some friends over to Europe. Well, over in Europe, every time Sandy would go to change into some clothing, a little note would fall out of it asking if she was having a good time; wondering where she was; and just telling her she was missed and that he loved her. Oh, how Mike loved Sandy. While in the hospital, Mike had made sure he taped some of her favorite shows to watch when she came home. And, oh how Sandy loved Mike. When Mike came home after taking Sandy to the hospital a couple weeks ago, sitting on his pillow was a card from her. The card was simple, but summed it all up. The cover was a puppy dog, and inside the card were words of love from Sandy, with the expression: without you, I am one lost puppy. Oh, how they loved each other. …..as their good friend Karen Hendrix said: they still had it. It’s as if her illness made them even closer. Maybe that is God’s way of making people appreciate each other more. Anyone who really knew Sandy knew she had her own style! Who else but Sandy could pull off a purple and silver Christmas tree? Never too rigid, she relented this year and even allowed Mike to put a snowman on the tree……….as much as she hated it. No one woman I have ever known has loved to shop as much as she did. She loved a good bargain. Finding the perfect bargain was not just a challenge to Sandy, but a quest. It was as if she was the hunter going after the big kill. She had it down to a science. But on the other hand, she never would never sacrifice fashion over finances. Mike, I wouldn’t be surprised if you find a few of those purchases hidden hear and there, because she had that down to a science too. Just ask your girls. No one could wrap a gift like Sandy. The time and effort put into the presentation of even the smallest gifts was a statement in itself. It was her way of making that person feel special.
But for all of these wonderful attributes, her greatest accomplishment and the one she was most proud of was being a mother to Sarah and Cassie. They could never have asked for a better mother. She was there for them every step of the way. She was their best friend. Cassie said it best; she was more of a mother in one day, than some people have in a life time. Sandy loved to be involved in all the girl’s activities. Everything from skating to pom and the homecomings, she wanted to help any way she could. She spent countless hours sitting and sewing and lending her magic touch to any project that came along. Most of us remember how she loved to doll up the girls. She was so good at it, that one day when Mike had dressed the girls, the school actually called home just to see if everything was ok. Sandy certainly gave back in love all she received in love from her parents. There never was a more devoted daughter. Personally, I just want to thank her for giving my brother someone to love; for giving me two beautiful nieces who I love very much; and for letting me spend so much time with my brother. I had a lot of opportunities over the years to be with Mike and Sandy. She always accepted me and understood that that I could never get enough time with my big brother. Sandy’s spirit will definitely live on in her beautiful girls. They both have the magic “Sandy” touch and I saw it all around their home in Livonia when I was there. All I have to do is look at their beautiful faces and I see Sandy. I know she will always be among us. The other day, Sarah was working on the computer and a petal fell off a flower and landed right in front of her. It was as if Sandy was trying to say: hey, I am here in spirit and always will be. So you see, that gift of life from that Christmas Eve in 1951 was not just a gift to her parents. She was a gift to all of us. Beautifully wrapped as only Sandy could do. Cherish this gift and carry it with you forever.
In Loving Memory of Sandra Kidd Merrill
God saw you getting tired and a cure was not to be. So he put his arms around you, and whispered, "Come to Me". With tearful eyes we watched you and saw you pass away. Although we loved you dearly, we could not make you stay. A golden heart stopped beating, hard working hands at rest. God broke our hearts to prove to us He only takes the best.
God looked around his Garden and found an empty place. He then looked down upon His earth and saw your loving face.
He put his arms around you and lifted you to rest. His Garden must be beautiful, he always takes the best.
He knew that you were suffering; he knew you were in pain. And knew that you would never get well on earth again. He saw your path was difficult; he closed your tired eyes; He whispered to you "Peace be Thine" and gave you wings to fly.
When we saw you sleeping so calm and free of pain, We would not wish you back to earth to suffer once again. You've left us precious memories; your love will be our guide; You live on through your children; you're always by our side.
It broke our hearts to lose you, but you did not go alone. For part of us went with you on the day God called you home.
When you can’t think of what to say: The lyrics from “Collide” by Howie Day bring tears to many of Sarah’s friends and family. I'm open, you're closed Where I follow, you'll go I worry I won't see your face Light up again Even the best fall down sometimes Even the wrong words seem to rhyme Out of the doubt that fills my mind I somehow find You and I collide Even the best fall down sometimes Even the stars refuse to shine Out of the back you fall in time I somehow find You and I collide
“Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal.” “Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies within us while we live.” “You can close your eyes to things you don't want to see, but you can't close your heart to the things you don't want to feel.” “We had more of a mother in one day then most people have in a lifetime.” ~ Cassandra Lee Merrill & Sarah Lynne Merrill “A Mother holds her children's hands for a while...their hearts forever” ~ Karen Hendrix