t he aesthetic report
Book Extract
Subliminally
Exposed
The shocking truth about your hidden desires in mating, dating and communication…
B
eauty is raw, powerful, and often dangerous- but when refined, harnessed, and mastered, it can be incredibly influential. Just as there is a good reason why all humans find sugar to be sweet and a growling beast intimidating, there is an evolutionary logic to why our appearances allow us to communicate and manipulate each other at a subconscious level. Who you choose to mate, befriend, or work with often pivots on a few critical yet subliminal decisions made within a fraction of a second. Subliminally Exposed will reveal the how and why behind your actions… and empower you to decode and translate others subconscious behaviours.
First Impressions: The power of beauty as the most primitive form of communication
Picture this: After a long day at work, you and your friends decide to meet up for a drink. You are a just about to finish your cocktail when you see him walk into the room. He’s tall and handsome with a chiselled jaw, deep-set eyes and a full head of hair. He confidently settles in at the bar, purposely unfastens the top button of his form-fitting designer suit and takes a sip of his martini. That’s when he notices you and shoots you a playful smile. Your heart flutters as you play coy, avert your eyes and resume conversation with your friends. Knowing that he is watching, you get up and seductively make your way across the bar for another drink. As you sashay across the floor, you feel his eyes scanning your hips and moving up to your lips and eyes. As you sit down and fluidly cross your legs, you casually flip your head, allowing your hair to be tossed through the air. You gently turn your chin downward and direct your gaze towards his eyes. He gets the message and rises
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the aesthetic report
from his seat to move toward you. While you were imagining that scene, real encounters very similar to it were happening all over the world, from a trendy club in Chicago to a dive bar in Berlin. Eyes met, hearts raced and potential mates were found. Using beauty to communicate a message matters! We may not like to admit it, but we all know and depend on it. The language of beauty is innate, consistent across all species and perhaps the rawest of all energies fuelling evolution. It is evident in the above scenario that describes finding a partner, but an equally important parade of similar events occurs when interviewing for a job or encountering the in-laws for the first time. Regardless of the situation, the impression we make is lasting and consequential. Nature is big on efficiency, especially when it comes to sizing each other up. It seems obvious that impressions would be based on physical traits, but it actually goes deeper than that. Much deeper. The ability to instantly sense danger, likability or aggressiveness in others has been hard-wired within the most primitive depths of our brains over tens of thousands years. This wiring follows our most basic neural pathways. I have discovered surprisingly simple actions that significantly alter the impression people project to others and in return, how that impression changes the responses they receive. Project one type of signal, get one type of response. Project a different, more “attractive” signal, get a more positive reaction.
It’s that basic. It’s that quick. And it’s that effective.
With that in mind, let’s revisit the above chance encounter, but this time through the eyes of an evolutionary psychologist. First, as the well-dressed stranger studies the woman’s walk,
It seems obvious that impressions would be based on physical traits, but it actually goes deeper than that. Much deeper. posture and how she carries herself, he is picking up certain clues about her breasts, buttocks and hips regarding her fertility. He notices her full lips, a powerful signal to suggest ovulation. Unblemished skin tips him off to her youngish age and underlying health. As she sits down and gently tosses her hair over her shoulder, she releases pleasant and genetically unique odours into the environment - a calling signal that seeps into his primitive brain. At that same subconscious level, he reads her lowered chin as a sign of her diminutive position, which indicates her need for assistance (vulnerability - another mark of youth). Altogether, those signals sum up that she’s an ideal prospective mate. Meanwhile, the woman is processing the man’s signals that exude confidence and masculinity. His chiselled jaw suggests high levels of testosterone (her primal brain knows this) and his tall, handsome demeanour imply that he has good genes. His suit jacket accentuates his physical prowess by emphasizing his overall level of fitness and forces her to notice that his
upper torso is larger than his waist, indicating that he is strong and likely to be a good protector. All of those qualities stream together to form an impression that he is resourceful, both physically and emotionally. Then his eyes meet hers, piercing, direct and forceful. She may not realize it, but her brows are elevating and expanding, and her pupils are maximally dilated, sure signs that she is interested. As the man confidently walks up to her, his breathing rate increases in order to better inhale her pheromones. Her nose is also in the air testing for his smell to see if he is a genetic match. Everything about the rendezvous is serving a greater purpose - to signal the loud and clear message, “I have great genes!” This is the complicated yet lightning-fast process illustrating the power of beauty as the most primitive form of communication - an unconscious program running full-speed. Where you end up in life may depend entirely on one chance encounter and the impression you make. The question I ask is, why? P40 aesthetic & Anti-Ageing
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Book Extract continued from P39
I teach a course at DePaul University on the science of beauty, and on the first day of class I ask the students to define beauty. It’s a difficult question to answer if you really think about it, and I always get very colourful responses. One of my students, whom I’ll call James, was refreshingly direct about what he considered beautiful. James was an older student with a somewhat checkered past and he didn’t care whom he offended when he blurted out, “Doc, it’s all about the butt. I like my woman to have some junk in her trunk. Something extra to hold onto, you know?”
“Being born beautiful may be a gift, but being able to present oneself in an attractive manner is even more powerful”
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I told him I appreciated his candour, and I truly did admire his honesty (as evident by some of the eye rolls in class, however, not everyone felt the same about James’ comments). I would bet that if we polled people on the street about their definition of beauty, a few might click off some favourite traits like nice eyes, broad shoulders or long hair, but most would hide behind the politically correct answer that beauty is found on the inside. They may believe that, which is wonderful, but they also know that deep down they can’t help but be attracted to certain characteristics and repelled by others.
Defining Attractiveness
Beauty is the universal language of health. But how that message is projected is another matter. The impression we project is the dialect, tempo, and tone of beauty’s language. Just like a magnificent poem can be crudely delivered or the French language spoiled by a strong American accent, a beautiful person may project an impression that is interpreted as unattractive. The opposite is also true: a person who is physically less than beautiful may appear highly attractive by presenting him- or herself in a favourable way. Being born beautiful may be a
the aesthetic report
gift, but being able to present oneself in an attractive manner is even more powerful. My father is not what you would traditionally call the most attractive man. He stands at about fivefoot-six, wears large glasses and a mustache, is bald with a few fine gray hairs combed over the top, has a turkey neck and deeply etched wrinkles, and talks with a foreign accent. But wow - can he charm the pants off anyone. When Dad walks into a room, he captures everyone’s attention. He fears nothing and no one. He will approach the most beautiful woman or most intimidating man and strike up a conversation. My father thinks he is the best-looking man in the room. He has enormous self-confidence and everyone in the room perceives it. Such robust self-confidence is highly attractive. An example from my practice proves the same point. Recently, a thirty-twoyear-old woman came in to see me to have her nose fixed; it was one of the most unattractive, broken, and misshapen noses I have ever seen. Additionally, she had crooked yellow teeth, a heavy figure, and small beady eyes. Yet she exuded so much confidence. She had a powerful job, her boyfriend was a TV personality, and she flipped her hair as if she was a beauty queen. She thought she was beautiful, and because of this, she gave an impression that she was, which in turn was felt by my staff and everyone else who met her. On the other hand, I often see both men and women who are physically gorgeous, possessing all the ideal angles and facial contours characteristic of ideal beauty, but they don’t seem to project it. They walk in with their head low, slumped over and appear very introverted as they shuffle in. While they are physically beautiful, their projected personalities do not reveal beauty, they lack attractiveness.
Attractiveness & Beauty
Attractiveness is a fluid, abstract impression formulated by the basic elements of beauty. However, being perceived attractive is more than just possessing the raw chemical compositions of beauty. Attractiveness is dynamic, relative to the social and cultural norms of the times along with the moment-by-moment motivation of the observer. Attractiveness requires the active, yet subconscious, participation of the observer to interpret the projected impression. Our ability to interpret beauty as attractiveness is rooted in all the accumulated and inherited information in our conscious and subconscious mind, which has been acquired through culture, previous experiences and our evolutionary instincts. Without impressions there is no attraction. Beauty is more likely to be perceived as attractive when it’s delivered and accepted in the appropriate way. Delivery is crucial to how an impression is interpreted, as is the state of mind of the observer. If a physically beautiful person brushes past you the day you are grieving a loss, you may not recognize that person as attractive. However, six months later, while on vacation in Hawaii, that same person may bump into you while you’re relaxing at the Tiki bar and commands every ounce of your attention. Changing cultural norms also impact how we perceive a person’s impression. Today, many consider
Today, many consider smoking unattractive and the smell or appearance of a cigarette can morph a physically beautiful person into a repulsive one. But couple of generations ago, Lauren Bacall seemed to ooze sexiness while lounging with a cigarette. smoking unattractive and the smell or appearance of a cigarette can morph a physically beautiful person into a repulsive one. But couple of generations ago, Lauren Bacall seemed to ooze sexiness while lounging with a cigarette hanging from their lower lip. In the sixteenth century, Queen Elizabeth, the Virgin Queen, painted her face ivory white to mimic the flawless skin of youth, but by today’s Western standards, that overblown effect would give the impression of sickliness or anemia. However, if you lived in Tokyo you would see that pale appearance donning the faces of twenty-firstcentury Geishas attempting to project a youthful impression. P54 aesthetic & Anti-Ageing
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Book Extract continued from P41
Subliminally
Exposed Attraction Beyond Beauty Raw beauty is not the last word in attractiveness. Other factors that influence the impression include posture, odour, clothing and facial
self-esteem, loneliness, religiosity and political orientation). Whether the students were asked to pose stoically or in a natural relaxed posture, observers could accurately determine which ones were most extroverted. Self-esteem was also easily identified. Observers could
A heavy brow, angry scowl and deep vertical creases between the eyebrows are perceived in a negative way, but a big smile projects a friendly, successful impression. expression - all of which can be developed and strengthened to an advantage. Posture, for example, speaks volumes. In a meaningful study published in 2009, photographs were taken of 123 undergraduate students. First, they were asked to pose with neutral expressions and stances (Naumann, Vazire, Rentfrow& Gosling, 2009). Then they were allowed to stand in a relaxed, natural pose. Observers were asked to rate their personalities in ten categories (extroversion, agreeability, conscientiousness, emotional stability, openness, likability,
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also detect qualities of openness and likability. This confirms that how we stand and carry ourselves not only affects first impressions, but also gives non-verbal clues about key elements of our personality. Good posture broadcasts openness and confidence. It’s a subtle physical cue that shows the world you are ready to handle whatever comes your way. It’s very attractive. A pleasant smell can make a rather plain person seem more attractive and a bad smell can quickly make a beautiful person unappealing. A heavy brow, angry scowl and deep vertical
creases between the eyebrows are perceived in a negative way, but a big smile projects a friendly, successful impression. In a study we did in 2008, over 300 unknowing observers were asked to record their first impressions of photographed headshots of random people (Dayan, Lieberman, Thakkar, Larimer &Anstead, 2008). The images of the person smiling were perceived to be more attractive, successful at dating, athletic, and academically superior than those images without a smile.
Confidence, First Impressions, and Attractiveness
As a plastic surgeon, I believe my goal is to make people feel more confident in their appearance. Many people view plastic surgeons as purveyors of beauty for the vanity challenged, and while my profession in part bears the burden of fault, it is my belief that nothing could be further from the truth. Plastic surgeons possess the skills, talent and tools to make people more physically beautiful, but this may not help them feel more confident or improve their self-esteem. And there is no benefit to looking more beautiful if one doesn’t feel more beautiful. Self-esteem is the essential ingredient I can provide in my practice. People with a lot of confidence exude it in their expression, posture, and aura. If you inherited the characteristics of what nature defines as physical beauty, they are only as beneficial as far as they are delivered. The impression created is more important in terms of gaining an advantage in all personal and professional relationships. And the secret to enhancing that impression boils down to one word: confidence. P70
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Book Extract continued from P54
Subliminally
Exposed
In science, we call that confidence self-esteem, and everything I’ve learned and witnessed convinces me that self-esteem is the essential ingredient to appearing more attractive... and ultimately achieving greater success and satisfaction in life.
of that event you feel thick and bloated and put yourself down for it, it doesn’t matter how gorgeous that new dress is. If you don’t feel confident, the dress alone isn’t going to make a great impression. In science, we call that confidence self-esteem, and everything I’ve learned and witnessed convinces me that self-esteem is the essential ingredient to appearing more attractive, and ultimately achieving greater success and satisfaction in life. Those who think they are more attractive believe they deserve a more attractive mate and will not settle for less. The authors of a 2008 study wanted to determine the importance of objective physical attractiveness and compared it to Confidence 101 the impact of one’s own perception Confidence is the key ingredient of attractiveness (Montoya, to appearing attractive. It is what 2008). They found that the level allows you to feel beautiful in a of attractiveness people perceive brand-new dress or a new suit. of themselves, rooted in their When you show up at an event you self-esteem, is a highly significant want to feel good. If the morning factor in whom they choose to date and An Exercise I Do With My Class pursue. If we think Consider looking into a mirror, standing straight and tall, intently we’re attractive, and purposefully staring into your own eyes. Asking yourself… then we’re much who you are, what do you want and why do you want it. If you’re less likely to honest with yourself, and you know if you are, no matter what the fear rejection answer may be, this exercise could turn out to be one of the best from a highly investments of time and focus you will ever make. attractive person.
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Not long ago, one of my patients exclaimed during a consultation, “Doctor, please help me. Everyone is staring at this horrible mark on my face. It’s destroying me - everyone sees it!” She looked at me as if I could easily see her damaging mark. I could not help but notice the jagged, threeinch scar running vertically along her right cheek, but rather than point it out I asked, “Which mark are you referring to?” She then pointed to a tiny, barely visible red spider vein on the left side of her forehead and said, “The red blemish, can’t you see it? It makes me look so ugly and it’s driving me crazy.” She was not at all concerned with the rather large scar carved into her cheek, which I later learned was caused by an injury when she was two years old. She had adapted to it years ago and it did not affect her perception of her beauty. I deleted the red dot on her forehead and she walked out my door, feeling prettier and walking taller…
Extract taken from the New York Bestseller, Subliminally Exposed – an academic book on beauty and attraction. Written by renowned Plastic Surgeon and Researcher, Dr Steven Dayan. (See interview on page 30)