29 August 2016

a student newspaper of the university of tulsa

august 29, 2016 issue 1 ~ volume 102

Everything Oklahoma!

Students weigh in on the new license plate, p 4

Concerning lack of women in state legislature, p 7 Where did it all go wrong? Why did Kevin Durant leave us? p 3

Graphic by Elias Brinkman

Oklahoma citizens suffer from lack of mental health care funding, p 7

Sports

The Collegian: 2

29 August 2016

Volleyball takes two of three in Hurricane Classic

courtesy Dave Crenshaw

Left: Senior libero Brooke Berryhill digs the ball after a spike by Alabama in Friday’s five-set thriller. Berryhill was the only Golden Hurricane named to the All-Tournament team. Right: Senior Erica Bohannon and sophomore Rachel Moore block an attempted spike by Alabama’s Krystal River on Friday night. Prior to the beginning of the season Bohannon was named to the AAC Preseason All-Conference Team and will look to lead the Hurricane again this season.

With the addition of some new faces, and the loss of some old ones, the women’s volleyball team lost no time trying to find chemistry, storming out to two wins over Alabama and Incarnate Word in the Hurricane Classic.

Matt Rechtien Sports Editor The Golden Hurricane women’s volleyball team opened up their 2016 season by hosting Hurricane Classic, this year featuring Incarnate Word, Alabama, and South Dakota. This is the first of four straight tournaments for TU, which serve as a way to develop the identity of the team. The first week of play is especially important because it is the first time the team will see their new roster in action with the loss of last year’s seniors and the addition of the freshmen.

TU added Hayley Coulter, Mariah Pardo, and Taylor Horsfall to the roster this season, all of whom saw playing time this weekend during the tournament. Many of last year’s starters returned to the team this year with the exception of Nicole Newton, Ashley Hooper and Paige Panfil who graduated last spring. Libero Brooke Berryhill and outside hitters Erica Bohannon, Rebecca Reeve and Trinity Aluala all return as starters for the senior seasons, joined by Jaime Rahilly and Alyssa LaMont as the other seniors returning for their final season.

Adding new players to the team was not the only thing that the Golden Hurricane

did this summer. Reeve competed with the Australian Women’s National Team this summer during the Women’s World Grand Prix in early June. Head Coach Ryan Wills was glad that Reeve had the opportunity.

“The ability for her to represent her country on one of the biggest stages in the world is a great opportunity. Very few athletes are special enough to play in the World Grand Prix.”

Another senior outside hitter, Bohannon, was named to the American Athletic Conference Preseason All-Conference Volleyball Team over the summer. She finished last season ranked 13th in the nation in kills (515), 18th in points (567) and was named to First-Team All-AAC team for the second straight season. Bohannon will headline a team that is looking to bounce back after a disappointing 15–17 season which saw them finish in 4th place in the conference.

They started that bounce back by winning two-of-three games in their weekend opener, beating Incarnate Word and Alabama on Friday before falling to South Dakota on Saturday. In the opener against Incarnate Word, Tulsa won three sets-to-one, the seventh time they have opened up the season with a win in the past nine years.

In the first set Incarnate Word and TU traded points until the Golden Hurricane went on a 8–2, sparked by Pardo’s service ace late in the set. TU took the first set 25– 18. The second set was much less eventful, with the Golden Hurricane jumping to an early lead 11–5 and winning comfortably 25–19. In the third set the Cardinals had a late advantage, blew it with three errors, but

recovered to take a 25–23 win over the Hurricane. In the fourth and final set, both teams traded points until Tulsa, with the help of sophomore Rachel Miller’s three kills, went on a 8–0 run and won the the set 25–17, and the match 3–1.

Tulsa’s second game of the tournament featured a familiar face as Golden Hurricane faced the Crimson Tide coached by former Tulsa coach Ed Allen. Wills served as an assistant for Allen before returning to Tulsa in 2014 to take over the Head Coach position. Before the match started, Tulsa retired former Golden Hurricane Tyler Henderson’s number. Henderson led Tulsa to three straight conference championships and was named the Conference USA Player of the Year those same three years. She set five NCAA records in her time at Tulsa: single match kills (45), single-season kills (710), kills per set in a single season (6.23), career kills (2,525) and career kills per set (5.22).

Henderson is only the second Golden Hurricane to have her number retired, joining Julia Silva.

The actual game was a five-set thriller between two evenly matched teams. That’s not an exaggeration, either. The final stat line for the game was: Alabama–83 kills, 7 blocks, 74 assists and 88 digs. Tulsa–79 kills, 9 blocks, 75 assists and 89 digs. Three of the five sets went into extra points, and the biggest points difference in any four sets was only four points.

Alabama won the first set after preventing two-straight match-points from the Golden Hurricane. Tulsa bounced back from in the second set 29–27 in another back-and-forth

match between the two teams. TU took a big lead in the third set, thanks to Reeve, and won with a four-point margin, the largest of the night. Tulsa rallied back from five-point deficits twice in the fourth set, but ultimately fell 25–22. In the deciding match, Tulsa took the early lead but saw it fall away as Alabama tied the match at 15 apiece. But a Reeve kill and Crimson Tide error gave Tulsa the 17–15 set win and the game 3–2.

After the thrilling win on Friday night, Saturday’s game was a letdown, with a loss to South Dakota in straight sets. South Dakota, who had three of their players named to the Hurricane Classic All-Tournament Team, won 25–21, 25–19 and 25–19, all three games tightly contested.

After the loss, Wills had nothing but praise for the winning side.

“South Dakota is an extremely good volleyball team. I think one of the best players in the gym the whole weekend was their setter [Brittany Jessen]. She moves the ball around and creates problems for you offensively, because she can set the ball and also scores points herself. They can play really good volleyball. We didn’t come in with the energy and focus we needed. We had an emotional night last night, and we didn’t handle it the right way, and when you play a good volleyball team, that’s the result you’re going to get.”

Brooke Berryhill was named to the AllTournament Team as the libero. Next up for the Golden Hurricane is the Texas State Invitational where they will face off against Kennesaw State, Stephen F. Austin and Texas State.

Looking solely at the stats sheet, it would appear Tulsa was in control for the whole game, as they outshot the Sugar Bears 18–8.

However, it was the Sugar Bears who took the first lead of the game, getting a goal from Autum Schwartz half an hour into the game. The Golden Hurricane weren’t able to equalize in the first half, and went into the break down 1–0.

Shortly after halftime, though, Tulsa got on the scoreboard. A rebound from Tana Dake’s shot fell nicely to Anna Williams, who scored her first collegiate goal to tie the game. The game remained tied for most of the second half, before McKenzi Adams

was able to give the Golden Hurricane the lead. Their defense held up for the remaining ten minutes to secure the 2–1 victory.

The Golden Hurricane are returning as a veteran team this season, with the backline and midfield composed almost entirely of juniors and seniors. While the forwards are younger, Head Coach Kyle Cussen is very pleased with the new players coming in and the depth of the team. This is one of the first times in recent years that they have had two players for every position.

Cussen also talked about the strength of the non-conference schedule and why it will help the team play into the postseason.

“If you look at this schedule it’s put together to make a run in the NCAA tournament. We feel like we have a very, very strong team. A very talented team. So we wanted to get them not just physically prepared, but also mentally prepared, going into conference.”

With the win the Golden Hurricane are now even at 1–1–1 on the season. Their next game is on Sunday evening against Texas A&M, the No. 11 ranked team in the country. Next weekend Missouri State and Houston Baptist come into town for the Tulsa Invitational, playing on Saturday and Sunday night.

Women’s soccer rallies back to beat Central Arkansas

After one week of play, the women’s soccer team is 1–1–1, with tough match ups against top-25 teams in the Sooner Classic.

Joseph Edmunds Sports Writer

In their first non-tournament game, the Golden Hurricane women’s soccer team picked up a victory against Central Arkansas. The win was the first of the regular season for the Golden Hurricane, who played two games in the Sooner Classic in Norman last week, resulting in a draw and a loss.

Monday

Tuesday

No Events No Events

Wednesday

Men’s Soccer vs. UMKC 7:00 p.m.

Thursday

Aug 29 - Sept 4

Cross Country @ Cowboy Preview

Friday

Women’s Volleyball @ Texas State Invitational 12:30 & 5:00 p.m.

Women’s Soccer vs. Missouri State 7:30 p.m.

Saturday

Women’s Volleyball @ Texas State Invitational 2:00 p.m.

Football vs.

San Jose State 6:00 p.m.

Sunday

Women’s Soccer vs. Houston Baptist 3:30 p.m.

Men’s Soccer @ Saint Louis 7:00 p.m.

Sports

29 August 2016

A short preview to bleacher creature kick off football

Justin Guglielmetti is…

The Collegian: 3

the

Bigger is Better Did you see that video released by SBNation last week ranking the heaviest college mascots? You didn’t? Well let me spoil the ending for you, it’s us! That’s right, Captain Cane couldn’t keep his hands off that wonderful Wendy’s 4 for 4 combo and put on some serious poundage over the summer, now weighing in at a whopping 1,182,000,000,000 lbs.

Actually, that number is the weight of a hurricane made out of solid gold (because that is totally a thing) but I’m ashamed to admit how long it took me to realize that it wasn’t Captain Cane being referred to when our editor told me that we had the heaviest mascot. Some other thoughts from the video: the human mascots are all listed at 137 lbs and where the hell that number comes from I have no idea. The makers of this list do realize that this is 21st century America, right? Isn’t our average toddler weight like 200 lbs by now? Also, apparently a Redwood tree weighs substantially more than an entire herd of buffalo. Maybe I’m just an idiot and this fact might be obvious to some of you native Okies, but I found it pretty damn surprising….The Western Kentucky Hilltopper is the stuff of nightmares, like that purple McDonald’s dude had a baby with a genetically modified tomato….

Dragons are listed at 13,001 lbs, and while I know this was just intended as a joke to slight Alabama by a pound, I really think we need to strive for complete accuracy on a list like this. A quick Google search will tell you that Tolkien’s biggest dragon literally broke the peaks off some mountains when he died. Come on, my man Ancalagon the Black was probably doing bicep curls of 13,001 for god’s sake! Step up your game, SBNation.

Dueling GOATs As a guy who really likes to debate things, I hate stupid arguments. Especially in sports when you have talking heads babbling on endlessly about contrived topics and taking hard-line opinions on trivial matters that absolutely do not need to be discussed. The most recent one to dominate the sports news cycle is the absolutely dreadful discussion of whether Michael Phelps or Usain Bolt is the greatest Olympian of all time. Both are undeniably the greatest ever at their individual sports, Phelps a five-time Olympian and the all-time record holder in both golds and total medals and Bolt a perfect 9/9 on golds and owner of by far the fastest sprinting times ever, and yet this neutral recognition of their excellence somehow isn’t enough for people. For some reason we feel a need to determine which is “better,” and who the hell even knows what that means in this context?

What’s worse is that this isn’t even the kind of stupid debate that has a clear answer.

Both sides have merit and will probably be able to argue their points for years to come!

It almost makes me miss listening to the Skip Baylesses and Bomani Joneses of the world making the case that Brittney Griner could play in the NBA, or that NFL wide receivers could beat Usain Bolt in a sprint if they just trained a bit. At least those stupid arguments had obvious resolutions.

New Era I swear I’m not just writing about them because they are my favorite team! No, I’m bringing up the New York Yankees because they are all of a sudden one of the youngest and most intriguing clubs in the league. Few teams were as busy as the Yanks at the trade deadline, as they seemingly punted on the 2016 season by moving their three best players: all-world relievers Andrew Miller and Aroldis Chapman and aging slugger Carlos Beltran. It was a decidedly un-Yankees-like move to try to do anything but “win now” but the team got some nice prospects in return to bolster an already pretty good farm system.

And what’s more, they’ve been even better since the deadline after calling up some of that home-grown talent, thrusting themselves into the back end of the Wild Card race. “Baby Bombers” Tyler Austin and Aaron Judge homered back-to-back in their respective first major league at-bats.

Catcher Gary Sanchez has been a worldbeater, hitting somewhere near peak Barry Bonds level through his first month in the big leagues.

And with Alex Rodriguez now retired (a legend who despite all the controversy deserves to be recognized as such) and Mark Teixeira soon to join him, there will be plenty of room on the roster for top prospects like Greg Bird and Gleyber Torres to come up possibly as soon as next year, and that is before the possibility of signing a superstar of the likes of Manny Machado or Bryce Harper when they become free agents after the 2018 season. Yes it’s looking like the Bronx Bombers might have another decade of dominance ahead of them. Just remember, Harambe died for this.

We are less than one week away from the start of Tulsa football.

Though you never really know for sure ahead of time, this season is shaping up to be a good one.

Matt Rechtien Sports Editor

As a fan of the Golden Hurricane football team, I’m sure you’ve been keeping up to date with all the news and previews about this upcoming season. There’s a lot to like about the team this season.

Last year included a trip to the Independence Bowl, after missing out on bowl eligibility the previous two seasons, and the team looks to improve in Montgomery’s second season leading the team. During their pre-

and that’s keeping them on their toes.”

He emphasized the importance of finding the best 11 guys, whether or not they are starters or backups. The important thing for Montgomery and the Golden Hurricane is to get the best 11 players on the field.

The Golden Hurricane ended their fall camp with a scrimmage before moving into their regular in-season practice schedule. One of the concerns that hurt TU last year that was still present in the scrimmage was the explosive plays given up by the defense, both in the running and passing game.

Montgomery says that will be all cleaned up before San Jose State, in addition to the number of penalties that the offense took in the second half of the scrimmage.

The Golden Hurricane open up their season against San Jose State on Saturday. San Jose State is coming off a six-win season

“I think our depth has gotten so much better just in a year. I think we’ve done a good job developing those guys.”

season practices this summer, Montgomery talked about how impressed he was with the development of the team’s depth.

“I think we’ve made great progress. Our installation has gone through a lot quicker than anticipated because guys have been able to handle it. We have had some mental breakdowns that we have to clean up especially offensively. Most of those are just young guys who are still trying to learn and you get to the midpoint of camp and the grind is on them. Being mentally sharp as you go through the practice that we go through is tough to do, but those guys are growing and learning. We’ll continue to get better as we go,” Montgomery discussed after practice.

He then talked more about the depth that the current roster has.

“I think our depth has gotten so much better just in a year. I think we’ve done a good job of developing those guys. Some of the guys are really pushing for playing time. A bunch of our starters return, and they feel good about what they’re doing, but they feel that the young guys are biting at their heels

and a win in the AutoNation Cure Bowl.

Look for more coverage including press conferencea and radio show coverage as the season goes on.

Other news and notes: Three Tulsa players were named to the fourth annual Earl Campbell Tyler Rose Award Watch List. Seniors Dane Evans, Josh Atkinson and Keevan Lucas are all in the running for this award, which is given to the top offensive player in Division I who was born or played football in the state of Texas. Lucas was named a semifinalist in 2014 to this award.

Evans was also named to the watchlist for the Manning Award, along with 30 other quarterbacks across the nation. Evans had the second-best passing season in school history last year and led the American Athletic Conference in passing yards per-game (333.2) and total offense per-game (332.5).

He only sits 31 TDS, 2,604 passing yards and 3,169 total yards away from tieing the school records in those three categories, and he should reach those numbers without too much of a problem this season.

In July, KD decided to leave the Thunder. Understandably so, sports fans across the country were upset with his decision.

Here’s one writer’s grievance.

player, Stephen Curry, two other legitimate superstars in Klay Thompson and Draymond Green, and perhaps the deepest bench in the history of the NBA. When they inked Durant’s two-year $54.3 million deal, they didn’t even have to give up one of their other stars, instead acquiring him to fill in for by far their most expendable starter, small forward Harrison Barnes. Just like that, KD went from a lovable figure to the sports world’s premier villain.

Many parallels have been drawn between Durant’s signing with the Warriors and LeBron James’s famous “Decision” that brought him to the Miami Heat, where he won his first two titles. Both stars left the teams that they had spent their entire careers with up to that point for what they thought was a better chance at a championship, and what that better chance entailed was joining forces with

Former TU Athlete Competes in Olympics Former Cross Country and Track runner Chris O’Hare represented Great Britain in the Olympics, running in the 1,500 meter race. He made it past the initial heats, but didn’t advance past the second semi-final, finishing in 11th place in the race.

Saari and Thun Named to All-Conference Teams Senior midfielder Ray Saari was named to the AAC Preseason All-Conference Team. He has seven goals and eight assists in his career. He is one of 13 letterwinners returning from last year’s conference tournament title team. Eight of those 13 are returning starters. Tulsa was tabbed to finish fourth in the conference this season behind Southern Methodist, South Florida and Connecticut. On the women’s side junior Rachel Thun was unanimously selected for the same honor. She has 15 goals and assists in her two years at Tulsa and was named to the all-conference first team in each of her first two seasons. The women’s team—who were ranked for the first time in school history last year— were voted to finish sixth in the conference this season.

Ex Players in Film The film “Greater” which was released last weekend, has eight different former Golden Hurricane football players in the film. The film is about Brandon Burlsworth, who is considered one of the greatest walk-ons in college football history.

The Tulsa players portray real players from the Arkansas team in the mid-1990s.

Bad for the league, bad for his legacy Justin Guglielmetti Student Writer It wasn’t too long ago that Kevin Durant was perhaps my favorite (non-Celtics) basketball player and arguably the most universally liked superstar in the NBA. You can’t watch the guy play and fail to fall in love with his silky smooth jumper and mindnumbing handles for a man of his size, but Durant’s league-wide admiration was for reasons beyond just his talent. He was humble in interviews and in ceding some con-

“His signing with the Warriors represents what is by far the most significant paradigm-shift in league history.” trol over his team to his friend and fellow superstar Russell Westbrook, praised for his incredible work ethic by all who knew him and unaffected by any scandals even dating back to his college days.

Raised by a single mother and his grandmother after his father abandoned the family, Durant was proof that dedication, humility, and a great attitude could lead anyone to a great station in life. Just six months ago, I would have challenged anybody to name a single concrete thing over which they could justify disliking Durant. Of course, everything has changed since then.

In case you’ve been living under a rock for the past summer, let me fill you in on what went down in the NBA’s offseason.

Kevin Durant, by most accounts the second or third best player in the entire league, signed a two year contract with the Golden State Warriors, the two-time defending Western Conference champions (and 2015 NBA champions) who just last year set the all-time record for most wins in a season, going 73-9.

The Warriors had just two months before beaten Durant’s Oklahoma City Thunder in the Western Conference Finals in historic fashion, overcoming a 3-1 series deficit.

They had been called, rightly so, the most talented team ever even before they added KD, boasting arguably the league’s best

their rivals instead of vanquishing them. But I don’t think the two situations are exactly the same, nor will history remember them as such. When LeBron joined with Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh on the Heat, they were forming a new team, a collection of players with no experience together that, although supremely talented, was far from a sure thing. All three stars had found themselves in situations where they felt that their current front offices were not doing enough to help them win, and acted accordingly.

Durant, on the other hand, is joining forces with an already established superteam, one that he has sparred with and lost to frequently. There was nothing wrong with his own situation in Oklahoma City beyond the very existence of the Warriors, and rather than continuing to try to prove himself by beating them, he essentially gave up. Now, far be it from me to presume to tell a grown man where he can and cannot play, and I understand that if Durant wants to ball with the Splash Brothers, it is his prerogative to do so. But I am free to judge him however I want, and all I can see from this situation is weakness. Sure, he’ll probably win a title now, but people will see this as him tagging along, not earning it for himself. Fair assessment or not, I think that perception will ultimately haunt him.

In the end, though, I think the bigger

problem created by Durant’s decision is how it will affect the rest of the league. His signing with the Warriors represents what is by far the most significant paradigm-shift in league history. He has created a juggernaut that looks so invincible, it has raised concerns to some observers as to whether it will damage competitive balance enough to actually drive people away from the NBA. More than any other major American sport, basketball has always had to deal with issues of parity. Baseball and hockey are inherently fluky games with near impossible to predict outcomes. Football has enough injuries and other roster continuity issues, as well as the benefit of having a short season and single game elimination in the playoffs, to ensure that no team is ever truly unbeatable or sustainably great over a span of more than just a single season. But basketball?

Superstars run the sport, and when a transcendent talent is surrounded by a team that knows how to play together, they can dominate for an extended period of time. It’s how Bill Russell’s Celtics won 11 NBA championships over his 13-year career in the 1950s and ‘60s, how Michael Jordan owned the league in the ‘90s, how LeBron James has steamrolled the Eastern Conference and advanced to six consecutive NBA finals with little effort dating back to 2011. Fans for the most part enjoy watching superstars win, but that excitement can only extend so far if there is no drama. If an outcome is readily accepted as inevitable, what is the point of even watching? Such is the dilemma that basketball fans will be faced with this upcoming season.

Make no mistake, Durant and the Warriors are the overwhelming favorites to win the title. Sure they lost to LeBron’s Cleveland Cavaliers last season, but it took seven games and monumental efforts from James and fellow star Kyrie Irving, as well as uncharacteristically bad shooting performances from the entire Warriors team that likely wouldn’t ever be repeated if you replayed the series a thousand times over in a simulator. Replace the brick-laying Barnes with the sharpshooting Durant, one of LeBron’s only true foils, and the series probably ends with a different victor. If things go as expected, Durant will be a part of his first championship team and perhaps the winningest one ever as well, and maybe that’s all he ever wanted. It’s just too bad that he had to sacrifice his own legacy and likeability to get there.

The Collegian: 4

News

29 August 2016

Student, professor travel to Rio, Brazil for Olympics A TU student and professor had the opportunity to attend the 2016 summer Olympics in Rio, where they saw athletes and celebrities.

Raven Fawcett Student Writer

Two of the University of Tulsa’s own witnessed the Olympics live this summer. Renan Kuntz, Brazilian native and University of Tulsa junior, and Professor Rosie Khan, Portuguese teacher and Brazil Club advisor, shared their experiences with the Collegian.

Kuntz volunteered at the 2016 summer Olympics. He applied in June of 2015 and heard back from the volunteer coordinators at the beginning of this year. Kuntz submitted a profile and a preference for volleyball, a lifelong love of his. The volunteer committee assigned him to beach volleyball, where he would see famous players like Kerri Walsh Jennings and witness the final Brazil-Germany match.

After a lengthy commute from his home and, later in the games, a hotel in Copa Cabana, Kuntz arrived at the Olympic arena at 8:30 a.m. every morning, where he received provisions and his assignment for the day.

More than watching the matches, Kuntz directed politicians and celebrities, such as U.S. Secretary of State John Kerry, to their seats and kept fans from swarming the athletes. Another highlight of his time at the games came when Matthew McConaughey and his wife’s ticketless entrance into the

arena, where they were invited to sit with NBC’s broadcasting crew without anywhere else to go.

At the end of the day, it wasn’t all work.

After the final match, volunteers attended a giant part in the Olympic Family Lounge.

They threw together ice cream, food, and drinks in a party that made it’s way onto the Brazilian branch of ESPN. Kuntz was in awe. “Is this really real? Am I really here?” he asked throughout his two weeks working at the arena.

Coordinators and officials worked tirelessly to make reactions like Kuntz’s possible. Brazil poured money and manpower into ensuring a safe place for athletes and attendees. Professor Khan returned to Brazil to attend the games and reported massive amounts local and federal law enforcement, as well as heavy navy and air force presence. Brazil was so safe, Kuntz laughingly recounted, “people were just catching Pokémon on the street.”

Both Khan and Kuntz emphasized that the Olympics were a chance to change the way the world views Brazil. “Can you believe Brazilians were against it?” Khan asked, referring to the widespread dissatisfaction with the use of money for Olympic preparations instead of channeling funds towards education or similar social programs. Benefits included an economic boost, a sustained uptick in tourism and what professor Khan was most excited about, “an opportunity for our culture to be seen all over the world.”

The Olympics were also a chance for Bra-

Professor Khan and Renan Kuntz meet during a volleymall match at the Rio Games.

zilians to come together. Kuntz recounted a boxing match between two men from out of the country, overseen by a Brazilian judge; the crowd cheered for the judge the entire time, focusing little on the match itself.

Chinese weightlifter Long Qingquan broke the world and Olympic record, and Khan caught it on film. Her video was featured on Instagram and has nearly three and a half million views. Just another day in

courtesy Rosie Khan

what Kuntz described as a “mesmerizing” Olympics.

To see the video or talk to Khan or Kuntz, visit the Brazil Club or its social media. Brazil Club is giving away three items from the Olympic games at their free lunch in LaFortune’s lobby at noon on September 9th.

Brazil Club can be found on Instagram at @ tubrazilclub and on Facebook at TU Brazil Club.

New license unveiled to mixed reviews

The official design features the state bird and adds to drivers’ registration fees.

Michaela Flonard News Editor

Last Monday, Oklahoma state officials revealed the new license plate design. The design features a scissortail flycatcher, the state bird, on a blue background.

The Oklahoma Tourism and Recreation Department selected the new design. The design will also advertise a state tourism website. This will replace the previous design of an Apache warrior shooting an arrow into the sky.

New plates will begin issuing in January.

With the new plates come an additional $5 fee when renewing an old license plate or getting a new one, applicable after August 24, 2016. Officials hope this will generate $18.5 million for the state. The plates cost $2.05 to make, with 80 percent of funds

The new license design, as shown in last Monday’s press conference.

generated going to State Public Safety fund, and the other 20 percent going back to the Tax Commission for manufacturing and distribution costs.

Another $4 million is estimated to come from increased registration compliance. The new plates will also help law enforcement identify Oklahomans who are not in

courtesy News9

compliance with state laws, as the state is number one in the nation for uninsured motorists.

The state’s current plates, issued in 2009, were two years past their warranty.

According to Oklahoma Safety Council Executive Director Dave Koeneke, this is a safety issue, as the reflective sheeting may

be deteriorating, making it difficult to see the plates at night.

Reactions to the design have been divided, both at a state level and at TU. Max Yerokhin, a freshman, likes the new plates, as they look “less technical” and are more colorful than the current ones.

But others prefer the old design. “It doesn’t represent the state,” Josie Worthington, a sophomore, said, adding “it looks childish.”

Shona Horrocks, a freshman, echoed her statement, liking the Indian statue featured on current plates. While student Jessica Hickerson thinks the new design is “a little bland,” she acknowledged the colorfulness was appealing.

Some have also taken issue with the additional fee. To Yerokhin, the fee “isn’t a big deal, but I can understand if some people would be upset.” While Worthington is not opposed to the fee, as an education major she thinks it could be spent on something other than public safety, like education — a sentiment Horrocks supports.

Case against Okla. voter ID dismissed by judge Voter ID laws have drawn criticism for unfairly targeting certain groups, but evidence of voter fraud is few.

Justin Guglielmetti Student Writer Two weeks ago, Oklahoma County District Court judge Aletia Haynes Timmons dismissed a more than four-year-old challenge to Oklahoma’s Voter ID laws.

In 2010, Oklahoma voters overwhelmingly voted (74%) to approve a state question that mandated voters to show a governmentissued identification in order to participate when they showed up to the polls. The question’s inclusion on the ballot was part of a trend over the past decade in which mostly Republican-voiced concerns over the possi-

August 15 1:30p.m.

University of Tulsa campus Security Officers were dispatched to the Communication Center in regards to an assault. Upon arrival Officers spoke to the victim, who stated that they were assaulted in a fraternity house.

Officers advised the victim that a report would be filed and that they needed to file a Tulsa Police report.

Aug. 19 2:35 p.m.

University of Tulsa campus Security Officers were dispatched to a panic alarm at the West Park Apartments. Upon arrival, Officers spoke with the resident. The resi-

bility of voter fraud have made headlines in the national media and spawned many states to introduce stricter regulations on the materials required to vote.

Tulsa resident Delilah Christine Gentges, unhappy with the decision, subsequently sued the state of Oklahoma. As in most recent cases concerning voter ID law opposition, Gentges cited the fact that the law appears to unfairly target certain groups that are less likely to have access to the required identification; namely minorities, the elderly, and the poor. According to the Tulsa World, she argued that such discrimination is in violation of voter rights guaranteed in Oklahoma’s state constitution: “all elections shall be free and equal. No power, civil or military, shall ever interfere to prevent the free exercise of the right of suffrage.”

According to the lawyers for the Attorney General’s Office, however, “there is

no circumstance under which a registered voter will not have the opportunity to vote” under the current law. Compared to the restrictions recently overturned in states such as Arkansas, Wisconsin, Texas, and North Carolina, Oklahoma’s actually appear quite reasonable, as they allow voters without a photo ID to apply for a provisional ballot and to prove their identities by signing an affidavit. State lawyers also noted that when registering to vote, Oklahoma citizens are given voter identification cards that satisfy the law’s requirements.

Gentges’ team has been quick to paint the state’s actions as political in nature, a common stance taken by the left against voter ID laws over the past several years.

Attorney James Thomas, who represented Gentges in the case, called it “a political decision, not a policy decision. These are laws that make sense for Republicans because

they help Republicans win seats.”

Many investigations into the extent of voter fraud — specifically voter impersonation, the only type of fraud that could be prevented by the existence of picture ID laws — have been conducted only to find little evidence of any significant problem.

During the entire Bush administration, the Justice Department uncovered only 86 such cases, or .00004% of total votes cast. An investigation by the Washington Post into allegations of rampant voter fraud in Texas, which implemented strict photo ID laws in 2011, found just three cases of voter fraud in the state since 2000. Nonetheless, it remains the official stance of many in the country, including the state of Oklahoma, that these laws are “a reasonable way to further the legitimate interest of detecting and deterring voter fraud.”

dent explained they were just moving in and the alarm started going off but they never received a code to disarm it. Officers reset the alarm and cleared the scene.

Aug. 21 8:15 p.m.

University of Tulsa campus Security Officers were dispatched with a report of an individual sleeping on a couch outside of an apartment. Upon arrival Officers couldn’t locate anyone and cleared the scene. Later on Officers located the suspect and made contact. The suspect was informed this is

private property, checked for warrants, and escorted off campus.

9:30 p.m.

While on routine patrol University of Tulsa campus Security Officers had an individual run towards their security vehicle waving their hands at them. The individual was claiming that they were having a heart attack. Officers identified the individual as someone that they had made contact with before and the individual then threw a glass pipe towards an apartment building. Tulsa Police Department was called and took the individual to David L. Moss Correctional Center.

Aug. 20 7:20 p.m.

University of Tulsa campus Security Officers were dispatched to Fisher South in regards to a non-student stealing a bag of chips from the main lobby and leaving in a van. Officers were able to identify the suspect because of previous encounter with him on campus.

The Collegian does not produce or edit the Campus Crime Watch except for content and brevity.

West Park Bomb Threat

A false bomb threat occurred at TU housing last week.

Michaela Flonard News Editor

In the early morning hours on Thursday, August 18th, the West Park apartments were subject to a bomb threat.

The standoff lasted for about an hour before the suspect, Nicholas Cardonia, 33, was arrested. He was not a resident of the apartments or TU-affiliated.

Tulsa police officers were called to the scene at 5:40 a.m. to reports of a man standing on a Dumpster threatening to set off a bomb. Cardonia claimed to have an electromagnetic bomb. After determining that he did not have a bomb in his possession, officers used pepper balls and Taser to arrest the suspect. No explosives were found on the scene.

Less than a week prior, Cardonia had been released from jail for throwing flower pots at an officer from an apartment near Kilkenney’s Irish Pub. Currently, he is being held on bond.

News

29 August 2016

The Collegian: 5

Fight over transgender students’ bathrooms continues An executive order mandating that transgender students have choice in bathrooms was blocked by a judge.

Nathan Gibbons Distribution Manager

A federal judge has blocked the guidance that schools must allow transgender students to use the bathroom or locker rooms of their choice.

This comes as a victory for the thirteen states that claimed the executive order given by President Obama was a federal overreach of power.

“This President is attempting to rewrite the laws enacted by the elected representatives of the people, and is threatening to take away federal funding from schools to force them to conform. That cannot be allowed to continue, which is why we took action to protect States and School Districts, who are charged under state law to establish a safe and disciplined environment conducive to student learning,” stated Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton(R).

The Obama administration has threatened to cut funding to any schools that do not comply with the order.

Judge Reed O’Connor of Fort Worth, Texas, blocked the administration’s order on the basis that it had failed the Administrative Procedures Act. This act requires the federal government to allow for comments on proposed changes.

He also claims that Title IX, which prohibits sex discrimination in school districts, does not include transgender students. The law, he says, “specifically permits educational institutions to provide separate toilets, locker rooms, and showers based on sex, provided that the separate facilities are comparable.”

The Obama administration alleges that Title IX includes transgender students.

President Obama has stood by his order in the past. “What happened and what continues to happen is you have transgender kids in schools. And they get bullied. And they get ostracized. And it’s tough for them,” President Obama said.

He added, “My best interpretation of what our laws and our obligations are is that we should try to accommodate these kids so

that they are not in a vulnerable situation.”

Last May, Oklahoma lawmakers introduced legislation asking house representatives to impeach President Obama on federal overreach.

Supporters of the executive order have come out in outrage at the block. The school year is starting, they point out, and many transgender students will be bullied and harassed if forced to use bathrooms different from their gender identity.

A group of civil rights organizations that supports Obama’s order stated, “The court’s misguided decision targets a small, vulnerable group of young people — transgender elementary and

Runoff primary decides Nov. ballot and local elections Tuesday’s runoff primary with small local races suffered small turnout, a common problem.

Brennen VanderVeen Student Writer

Nathan Gibbons

Distribution Manager

Earthquake in Italy causes loss of life, destruction A 6.2 magnitude-earthquake struck central Italy last Wednesday morning, destroying cities and killing at least two hundred and fifty. Emergency aid searched for trapped survivors as aftershocks continued. “At the beginning we started digging with our hands...We could hear sounds of people asking for help,” one man described.

Prime Minister Matteo Renzi promised aid and reconstruction, saying, “We owe it to the history of those towns that they must have a future and not remain just a memory.” Many citizens have been relocated or lost their livelihoods. Amatrice, a favorite among tourists and natives alike, was known for its beautiful architecture and lively events before the earthquake. Now, “This city will become a museum city, for people to see that an earthquake happened here,” says emergency volunteer Arturo Filippi. Many blame the severity of damage on the old age of the destroyed buildings.

high school students — for potential continued harassment, stigma and abuse.”

When Texas Republican Lt. Gov. Dan Patrick first announced his intent to support schools that opposed the order in June, rallies were held outside the Texas capitol.

One mother held a picture of her transgender daughter, 5 years old, in a dress.

She cried and asked why anyone would want to put her daughter in a boy’s locker room where she may be harassed.

Another mother spoke against Gov. Patrick, saying, “you, specifically you, are endangering my child’s life...You have now told everyone in the state of Texas it is OK to harass my child.”

As of this writing, the results are still tentative, but Oklahomans should now know who will appear on the November ballot.

The runoff primary was dominated by small local races. There was no statewide race. Also, as a runoff election, it was only for primary races in which no candidate had already received a majority. This mean that many places only had a race for one party.

The highest level race was to decide who would represent the Democrats in the Fifth Congressional District, which covers the Oklahoma City area. Al McAffrey narrowly defeated Tom Guild by 40 votes, which represents only .24 percent of the vote.

McAffrey will face off against incumbent Republican Steve Russell in November. The Fifth District is heavily Republican, so Russell is expected to retain his seat.

The only State House of Representatives election in Tulsa was for Republicans in District 67. District 67 is in South Tulsa, mostly between Yale and Garnett and 81st and 111th.

Incumbent Pam Peterson is term limited, so she could not run for reelection. Scott McEachin defeated Tom McCloud by 440

votes, which represents 12.88 percent of the total.

There were two elections in the Tulsa area for the State Senate, both for Republicans. District 25 is roughly centered at 131st and Memorial, but a small sliver extends as far north as 21st. Incumbent Republican Mike Mazzei is term limited. Joe Newhouse defeated Lisa Kramer by 781 votes, or 12.08 percent of the total.

District 39 borders District 25 to the northwest. It’s very roughly shaped like a cross, spanning from I-244 to 101st, Harvard and Sheridan at the thinnest and roughly Peoria and Mingo at the widest. Incumbent Republican Brian Crain is term limited. Amanda J. Teegarden defeated Dave Rader with 401 votes, which is 9.66 percent of the total.

Tulsa County also had an election for County Court Clerk for Republicans. Donald Newberry defeated Ron Phillips with 1,691 votes, which is 10.7 percent of the vote.

Many of the local elections were also marked by extremely small turnout. State House District 16, which includes the very southern part of Tulsa county but includes more of Wagoner, Okmulgee and Muskogee counties, had a Democratic runoff with five votes total.

Canadian and Kingfisher counties, both of which are in central Oklahoma, had some school propositions that had two votes total.

There were even several instances of zero votes being cast, all for propositions.

Controversial burkini ban enacted in France France’s highest administrative court has ruled that French cities do not have the right to ban burkinis. In compliance with Islamic tradition, the burkini is a swimsuit that covers everything except the wearer’s face, hands, and feet. Activists argue the ban was an act of Islamophobia. Amnesty International Europe Director John Dalhuisen said, “By overturning a discriminatory ban that is fueled by and is fueling prejudice and intolerance, today’s decision has drawn an important line in the sand.”

A photo from Nice, France that depicts a woman forced to strip her burkini by officers has sparked outrage this last week. Officials argue the ban was in response to growing terror concerns around the country. Last summer, eighty people were killed when an Islamic terrorist drove through crowds in Nice, France, and an 86 year old French priest was stabbed to death in the name of ISIS.

Explosion at Afganistan university kills hundreds The American University of Afghanistan was attacked last Wednesday, leaving nearly fifty injured and thirteen dead. After an explosion at 6:30pm local time, gunmen began firing on the campus, forcing staff and students to hide and run.

Afghanistan forces were advised by United States officials in ending the nearly ten hour confrontation. Responsibility for the shooting has not been claimed by any group yet. The university is known for its resistance to militant threats and students’ commitment to change. Students, police officers and security guards are among those killed.

Peace treaty finalized in Colombia The only official armed conflict in the Western Hemisphere has ended. The FARC, or the Revolution Armed Forces of Colombia, finalized a peace treaty with the Colombian government.

The United States has invested billions of dollars in the defeat of the FARC, which many critics argue has become a narco terrorist group. After a five decade old dispute, FARC soldiers will be reintegrated into Colombian society through training programs.

Colombian president Juan Manuel Santos said of the treaty, “Colombia got used to living in conflict. We don’t have even the slightest memories of what it means to live in peace...Today a new chapter opens, one that brings back peace and gives our children the possibility of not reliving history.”

Relatively close Earth-like planet discovered Scientists have discovered an earth-like planet orbiting the closest star to our own.

Proxima b, which orbits Proxima Centauri, is in what scientists call the ‘Goldilocks Zone’. This means it is neither ‘too cold’ or ‘too hot’ and may have liquid water.

The team’s leader clarifies that scientists knew there would be many terrestrial planets around many stars, but that the excitement comes from it being so nearby. The planet, at twenty five trillion miles from our Earth, is relatively close.

Attacks in Turkey target police and military Turkey has undergone a week of attacks through a series of roadside and car bombs.

The attacks target police and military and are claimed by the Kurdistans’ Workers Party or PKK. The PKK, which has exaggerated tolls in the past, stated, “Our sacrifice team staged a comprehensive action action in Cizre that left dozens of police dead.”

Officials allege that the PKK aims to take advantage of Turkey’s weaknesses since the recent failure of a coup. Thousands of soldiers were discharged following the attempt, including the commander of Turkey’s Second Army. The commander, General Adem Huduti, was in charge of regions including borders with Iran, Syria, and Iraq.

Turkey continues to struggle with ISIS, the PKK, and the YPG, Kurdish fighters that Turkey administration claims are an extension of the PKK. Turkey has been asked by the US, EU, and the UN to discontinue bombing the YPG, which many recognize as one of the most effective forces battling ISIS today.

Tuesday, August 30 at 10:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m.

Student Union, Chouteau Room Oklahoma Blood Institute Blood Drive Take the time to make a life-saving difference for someone in our community by donating blood.

Wednesday, August 31 at 2:30 pm to 4:00pm Student Union, Alcove Welcome Back Sophomores Sophmores, welcome back! Come by the Alcove in the Union and build your own ice cream sundae - come and go from 2:30 to 4:00 pm. Come for free ice cream, giveaway and to meet new friends!

Saturday, September 4 at 1:00pm to 2:30pm Gilcrease Museum Sunday Draws Sunday Draws is for anyone who wants to learn to draw or to learn to draw better and have fun doing it. Teaching artists guide participants using various drawing techniques, and different drawing tools and materials.

Participants will experience many different environments in and around the museum and focus on a variety of subjects. This program is for adults and children age 8 and up.

All supplies are provided, including drawing journals to keep.

Reservations are required.

Thursday, September 1 at 8:00 p.m.

Lorton Performance Center, Gussman Concert Hall Jeffrey Zeigler & Ian Rosenbaum in Concert The University of Tulsa School of Music and Choregus Productions present cellist Jeffrey Zeigler and percussionist Ian Rosenbaum in concert on Thursday, September 1, 2016. This free public performance is the first presentation of the Choregus Productions 2016-2017 season.

Jeffrey Zeigler was the cellist of the internationally renowned Kronos Quartet for eight seasons. Prior to that he was the cellist of the award winning Corigliano Quartet for six seasons. He is the recipient of the Avery Fischer Prize, the Polar Music Prize, and the President’s Merit Award from the National Academy of Recorded Arts.

Rosenbaum is a celebrated percussionist who made his Kennedy Center debut in 2009 before garnering a Salzburg International Marimba Competition prize created just for him. Last season, Rosenbaum became only the second percussionist selected to join the Chamber Music Society of Lincoln Center’s CMS Two program.

Friday, September 2 at 6:00 p.m. to 9:00 p.m.

Zarrow Center for Art & Education First Friday Art Crawl Enjoy the Brady Arts District and visit exciting exhibitions each month. This month features work by Michael Ananian. Live music and a cash bar complete the evening.

The Collegian does not produce all event descriptions in the Community Calendar.

Contact us at news@tucollegian.org with events.

The Collegian: 6

Commentary

29 August 2016

Loss on bathrooms a win for rule of law

Regardless of its merit, the government cannot force schools to follow laws that do not exist.

Brennen VanderVeen Student Writer Last week, a judge in Texas temporarily blocked a rule by the Department of Education that required schools to allow students to use whatever bathroom facilities corresponded with their gender identities. Americans can debate whether or not that particular rule was good or bad policy. However, it ultimately does not matter if the rule was good if the Department of Education had no authority to issue it in the first place.

The Department of Education issued the ruling as a reinterpretation of Title VII of the Civil Rights Act of 1965 and Title IX of the Education Amendments of 1972.

Title VII bans discrimination by employers on the basis of sex (and other categories).

Title IX states that “No person in the United States shall, on the basis of sex, be excluded from participation in, be denied the benefits of, or be subjected to discrimination under any education program or activity receiving federal financial assistance.”

In May, the Department of Education issued a “Dear Colleague Letter” requiring schools “immediately [to] allow students

to use the bathrooms, locker rooms and showers of the student’s choosing, or risk losing Title IX-linked funding.” It justified the letter by stating that the term “sex” was ambiguous and that it should be interpreted broadly to include transgender individuals.

It further argued that because of the ambiguity, the Department of Education was entitled to deference by the courts to its particular interpretation of a statute.

When ambiguity does arise, courts generally do defer to administrative interpretation. However, that custom still requires actual ambiguity. In this case, the term “sex” is unambiguous.

First of all, without even reading the law, there is the obvious social context in which Title IX was passed. It was passed in 1972 in order to advance women’s and girls’ educational opportunities. 1972 was the same year that the Equal Rights Amendment passed Congress. Title IX was clearly part of a larger movement to advance women’s rights. It strains credulity to believe that its authors, 44 years ago, had intended “sex” to mean anything other than biological sex.

The actual text of Title IX also clearly demonstrates that there is no ambiguity in it. A less often cited provision states that schools “may provide separate toilet, locker room, and shower facilities on the basis of sex, but such facilities provided for students of one sex shall be comparable to such facilities provided for students of the other sex [emphasis mine].” Besides explicitly allowing separate facilities, the language of “the other sex” clearly exists within a binary situation. It does not refer to multiple gender identities, but of the two biological sexes.

Even the lawyers for the Department of Education stated that “it may very well be that Congress did not intend the law to protect transgender individuals.” Perhaps

graphic by Elias Brinkman

The Texas judge’s ruling was in accordance with reasonable interpretation of current laws.

the law should be updated to accommodate transgender students. However, as it stands, Title IX clearly protects against discrimination only in cases involving biological sex.

The attempt to enforce a rule that does not exist is not the only problem with the Department of Education’s policy. The court also found that it violated the Administrative Procedures Act (APA). That law requires the government to have a notice and comment period on substantive (or “legislative-type”) rule changes but excludes interpretive rules and general statements of policy. “Substantive rules” do not have a definition in the APA, but there has been some court precedent on what defines them.

One signifier is a rule that “affect[s] individual rights and obligations.” Another main

signifier is if the rule “establishes a binding norm” on regulated entities. The Department of Education maintained that this rule change was just an interpretive rule change but it was clearly substantive. The Department threatened funding to any school that did not comply. That is clearly coercion that binds schools to follow the rule.

To be clear, school districts, states and even Congress can create new policies to accommodate transgender individuals.

What cannot happen, though, is unilateral changes to the law either at the hands of unelected bureaucrats or from the president.

The executive branch is charged with seeing that the laws are faithfully executed. It could start by not enforcing laws that don’t exist and following ones that do.

Body shaming has no place in political rhetoric

Focusing on candidates’ physical appearance instead of political competence promotes toxic, ineffective political discourse.

Tara Grigson Student Writer Oh boy, it is an election year. You can smell it in the air: desperation and bullshit.

It is also a particularly virulent, vicious election year — emotions are running high in a way that seems to be relatively unparalleled historically. Both the Republicans and the Democrats believe that the election of the other party’s candidate would be the death of modern American democracy (and maybe it would, I can’t see the future).

Regardless of our individual thoughts on the candidates, we ought to all be able to agree that it is unacceptable to utilize a candidate’s physical appearance in order to somehow belittle or undermine their political prowess. While we often see this with female candidates, this has been an insidiously common tool used against Trump.

Objectification is unacceptable when it happens to Clinton, Palin, Obama, or Trump.

SNL perhaps best summed up the way Clinton and Palin have had their appearances used against them — in a sketch from the 2008 election, with Tina Fey as Palin and Amy Poehler as Clinton, Palin mentions being called “pretty, attractive, beautiful” while Clinton talks about being called “harpy, shrew.” This kind of rhetoric consistently permeates the campaigns of female candidates and while “beautiful” masquerades as more complementary than “shrew”, each undermines the candidates political abilities, opting instead to focus on her physical attributes which, shockingly, have exactly no bearing on a woman’s ability to be a badass.

In the less-mainstream media, memes and cartoons of Obama often cross the line from “racially-insensitive” to “overtly and unapologetically racist.” Obama is objectified by his race, in much the same way Clinton and Palin are objectified because of their gender. Critique based on objectification is not a legitimate critique. Clinton and Palin are not less-qualified politicians because of their gender, and Obama is certainly not less qualified because of his race.

Perhaps most interesting this election year has been the almost overwhelming critique of Donald Trump’s physical appearance. I have myriad opinions about Trump (spoiler alert: I don’t like him), but these opinions are based on actual words he has said and not his physical appearance.

A couple weeks ago, statues of Trump popped up in cities all across the country.

graphic by Elias Brinkman

JD Wessinger Student Writer

Dear Mr. Mrasek,

I find myself of a similar mind in our reactions to the controversy TU has recently endured: the knee-jerk deletion of an individual’s contribution, simply because they

are “persona non grata” of the week. The way viral media has developed means lots of uncomfortable pressure about a particular topic can arise for an ultimately forgettable amount of time (See Cecil the Lion). In TU’s case, this means having John Rogers’ (a man with ties to the KKK in Tulsa) name on a building can generate a large amount of bad publicity very quickly. In fact, TU is still reeling from the negative press of the student expelled last year under murky justification. TU being on the “10 Worst Colleges for Free Speech” list you mentioned is a very public marker of that.

This phenomenon of viral media has forced organizations like TU to perform immediate damage control to alleviate these pressures and possible far reaching consequences in the public eye. Unfortunately,

It was an “art” installation entitled “The Emperor Has No Clothes” and the “artists” chose to portray Trump with a round stomach, and a very small penis. Many liberal progressives were thrilled by this turn of events — so much so that my Facebook feed was almost entirely naked Trump statues.

This installation is a problem for about a thousand reasons. Like Clinton, Palin, and Obama, Mr. Trump is not a lesser politician because of his physical appearance. To objectify him, no matter how much you dislike him, is unacceptable and demoralizing.

I can understand why someone might think it is acceptable to make fun of the size of Trump’s penis, because he did open that door (a little bit) when he mentioned the size of his hands. However, his body is his own, and he can objectify himself as much as he wants — it is still unacceptable for other people to do that. Also, the joke of “small penis equals less of a man/person” is deeply

any way, predict his ability to be President.

William Howard Taft weighed over 350 pounds, and that did not inhibit is presidential abilities. A presidential candidate could be an actual amorphous blob, and they could still be entirely qualified to be president.

Perhaps the most unfortunate part of the whole situation is that it was coming from the supposedly body-positive, progressive left. Y’all, body positivity is for everyone, not just people you agree with. Dismantling oppressive, ableist, misogynistic, toxic power structures requires liberation for everyone, not just the people I agree with.

I don’t care what Trump says about his own penis — it will not impact my opinion on his abilities as a politician, and honestly it shouldn’t impact yours either. I do care what other people say about Trump’s body, not because it impacts my opinions on him, but because I believe that people’s spirits are far more important than their body, and

“Body positivity is for everyone, not just people you agree with.” troubling. It buys into toxic masculinity, that a man’s value is in his fertility. On top of that, the idea that being a man means having a massive cock is deeply transphobic. I know some really badass men with vaginas, and they are not less than other men because of their genitals.

Part of the joke was the size of Trump’s stomach. Hey, y’all, fatness isn’t funny. The roundness of Trump’s stomach does not, in

it is disheartening when people who demand equality for other bodies use a politician’s body as political ammunition.

Regardless of our opinions on Trump and Clinton, stooping to political critique based on physical appearance only highlights our own pettiness, and serves to bolster the power structures that oppress fat bodies, and thin bodies, and disabled bodies, and women’s bodies, and brown and black bodies.

these often rash decisions ignore the impact of the removal and the context and story of the individual who is being removed.

I believe TU did what it could to cover its ass by removing John Rogers’s name from the building. At the same time, I do not think TU took the proper steps to preserve the good name of John Rogers, and at the same time, acknowledge the controversies inherent in their unconditional acceptance of a Klan member’s contribution. TU could have left the name and done a myriad of things such as including a “history of TU” aspect into freshman orientation, or even the first seminar courses that students are required to take. Just removing John Rogers’s name from the law building fails to “teach the controversy” and does a disservice to all parties involved.

Touching on another aspect of your letter, I believe we have a misunderstanding on the terms of misplaced righteousness.

The phrase “Where does it stop?” is usually employed by those attempting to speak from the moral high ground. While their reaction was an overreach, and ultimately a mishandling of the issue of how to deal with historical racial tension, TU is at least trying. A slippery slope claim of throwing the

baby out with the bathwater because “everyone has a bad history” is fundamentally a derailment of the intent. Statements about the Black Panthers’ sordid history, Jefferson and Washington’s flaws, and the unpleasant facts of how the land TU resides upon was stolen from Native Americans, do not negate the importance of this discussion. In fact, I would claim that it reinforces the idea that all major individuals and organizations must be critically evaluated, inclusive of all the good and bad they have done.

But you, Mr. Mrasek, cannot speak of misplaced righteousness and imply that nothing should have been done at all. Considering that you presented no alternative action, it leads me to believe that your letter is a call to inaction, regardless of any other supposed intent. That idea holds no one accountable. I think that we owe it to each other, and to TU, to be critical of all our organizations and figures, and to hold them accountable for their decisions, especially if we are to support them.

Sincerely,

JD Wessinger

29 August 2016

Commentary

The Collegian: 7

Okla. legislature in dire need of female voices

Oklahoma needs more women in legislature because it certainly doesn’t need more of what we already have.

Giselle Willis Editor-in-Chief Emeritus

The good news: Oklahoma is now the 43rd worst state for women and no longer the 48th worst, which is what it was last year. The ranking comes from a WalletHub analysis, which calculated scores based on signifiers like unemployment rate for women, high school dropout rate for women, female uninsured rate and female homicide rate. Improvement aside, this state’s still not the best for ladies.

Now, it’s not all bad. It so happens that Oklahoma ranks first in the country in female elected representation. That’s because 42 percent of our elected officials are women. And with all those women running the show, surely there’s a bright future for the state, right? Not so fast.

When women do run for office and get elected, it is overwhelmingly to positions

with less political power than the offices that men hold. We have lots of women who are county assessors, county treasurers, election board secretaries, county clerks and court clerks. When it comes to sheriffs or state senators, however, the number of women drops.

Ultimately, Oklahoma ranks 48th in the nation for female representation in legislature. By next year, we might drop to 50th since almost half of the current women in

“Communities that have already been silenced... don’t have a voice at the table.” legislature termed out this year. What happened to no taxation without representation?

You may be wondering why this matters.

One of the women we have in Legislature, Sally Kern, garnered national attention for her racist comments and push for bills to disenfranchise LGBTQ people. If women are going to insist that they still need more representation, why don’t they run more often? At the same time, if men and women are equal and can accomplish the same things, why would the genders of our legislators matter?

Although men and women are equally capable of holding office, they differ in their motivation for running. From the early 1970s to late 1990s, the number of women in elected positions increased fivefold nationwide. But the growth rate has dropped substantially since then. According to stud-

TITAN’s Relationship Stress and Violence survey

The University of Tulsa Institute of Trauma, Adversity and Injustice is conducting a survey on the experiences of stress and violence among college students. We hope to utilize the information gathered to help inform programming that will enhance the health, safety and wellbeing of students.

We invite you to follow the link below to a survey that will ask you questions about your relationships, experiences of stress and violence and perception of campus climate.

We plan to ask students to complete a similar survey twice a year over the course of their time in college so that we can learn more about your experiences over time.

(Note: We would like students to take this survey, even if you have filled it out before, as it provides us with new and updated information). Your responses will be confidential; we will not collect any identifying data. You will complete a confidentiality code that will allow us to match your data over time, without being able to identify you specifically.

The survey will take approximately 30-45 minutes to complete. Participants will be entered into a drawing for a $25 gift card from Amazon.com. Two names will be drawn each week for the four weeks that the survey is available. https://utulsapsychology.az1.qualtrics.com/SE/?SID=SV_9SI6dknWfyVcQ85

Low mental healthcare spending hurts citizens, doesn’t save money

Oklahoma’s lack of mental health spending is problematic from both humanitarian and economic perspectives.

Nathan Gibbons Distribution Manager

Oklahoma is home to one of the darkest paradoxes in national statistics. Despite being the thirteenth highest state in national suicide rate, it ranks at 46th in mental health spendings. With an annual rate of 80 suicides in Tulsa alone, Oklahoma’s mental health spending is an issue that must be dealt with.

In Oklahoma, many people suffering from mental health or addiction problems will contact treatment centers only to be turned down. State officials explain that, even though the number of citizens in Oklahoma needing state-funded health care has risen, their funding for the treatment has fallen. With extreme cases such as schizophrenia and bipolar disorder, the state can’t afford to increase preventative services. The state will only pay for a citizen’s services if they meet certain criteria. For a family of three, the annual income can be no higher than 20,090 dollars. There are also ‘levels of illness severity’ based on the citizen’s diagnosed illness and the degree of their functional impairment. They must fall into the two worst levels of severity in order to be eligible. This leads to many citizens being told they can’t be treated unless their case worsens. Terri White, the commissioner of the Oklahoma Department of Mental Health and Substance Abuse Services explains,“We have to serve those most in need because we have limited resources, so that’s how we have to prioritize...What that means is you go without until you get sick enough – which is a horrible way to do health care.”

The case is the same for substance abuse victims. If a victim makes more than 200

ies cited by the Center for American Women and Politics, women are less likely than men to have thought about running, to think that they’ll win or to receive encouragement from political actors.

This discrepancy is unwarranted, because when it comes down to actually getting elected, CAWP also says women are just as likely as men to win. And in general, men will apply for jobs even if they do not meet half of the qualifications listed, whereas

percent of the federal poverty level, presumably enough to pay for treatment yourself, or does not fall into the top three most severe levels of substance abuse, they are turned away. Janet Cizek, the CEO and managing partner for the Center for Therapeutic Interventions in Tulsa estimates that for every seventy five people who come to the center for help, twenty are turned away.

“We’re seeing the worst of the worst...we have to turn people away all the time. You either have to get into a crisis where you’re using so much you’re about to die or you start committing crimes,” she explains.

The paradox of poor mental health funding gets worse when you consider its results. As mentally unstable or substance abusing citizens go without intervention, their chances of committing crimes or their cases worsening increase. Eventually, many of these people need to be institutionalized, whether that be in a hospital or prison. Although the state didn’t treat the citizen earlier, they must now pay for their incarceration or mental care. The price of housing an inmate in Oklahoma can cost anywhere from fourteen to 29 thousand dollars per prisoner.

More money is spent and now the citizen’s life is a whole lot more difficult than it needed to be. More federal funding would likely not be as expensive as it appears at first glance, due to less spent on incarceration or hospital stays.

One solution would be to expand Medicaid. Cizek argues, “There’s a huge gap of people out there, from 250,000 to 300,000, who could access Medicaid federal dollars, but can’t because our state didn’t expand Medicaid...I think the state is in a world of hurt [because we haven’t]”.

Whatever the details are, Oklahoma needs to prioritize earlier interventions when it comes the mentally ill. It is part of the government’s responsibility to treat those needing mental care. If they don’t receive it, people fall through the cracks and ending up costing the state anyway. The chair of psychiatry for the University of Oklahoma College of Medicine explains, “We have to make a point in society that we believe the treatment of psychiatric disorders is important to the person, to the family as a unit, but also to the community, to the state and to the country...Because if we don’t treat mental illness appropriately, we’re going to pay for the consequences anyway.”

women generally only try if they meet all or most of them. This means some of our few female candidates might be even more qualified than their male counterparts.

When asked, elected men say they ran because they generally envisioned themselves as politicians, whereas women typically only run when they feel that running will give them “the ability to effect change in society.” It looks like women also prize results over status, which, if you remember the rankings at the beginning of the article, is not surprising. They’re personally invested.

There is not, however, much evidence to support the idea held by more than a third of Americans that women are better at achieving compromise in government than men. It is true for Republican women, at least; they are better able to author and advocate bills that will receive bipartisan support because

their policy positions are generally closer to those of the average voter. This is not true for Democrat women or Republican men.

Still, women bring different experiences to government, and that is valuable in and of itself. For the record, disproportionate representation applies to minority groups as well. According to census numbers, 7.4 percent of Oklahomans are Black and 8.9 percent are Hispanic. Meanwhile, 4 percent of the Legislature is Black and .7 percent is Hispanic. Without a representative legislature, unique perspectives will be lost. Communities that have already been silenced — regarding their pregnancies, reparations for the Tulsa race massacre and general safety, for example — don’t get to have a voice at the table.

An all-women legislature would not solve anything either. But at least this year, more women signed up to run. In 2016, more women filed to run for office in Oklahoma than in the last two cycles combined, with a grand total of seventy-seven women who ran and fifty-six who made it past primaries.

In fact, more women and men filed to run for legislature this year than in any other year during the past decade. Even if the number of women running still isn’t proportionate to the population of women, more civic involvement is always a good thing for a self-purported democracy.

Above all, we can’t let incumbents keep their seats just because there are no other options. Especially when the returning legislators aren’t always representative of who Oklahoma is now.

Frank Ocean didn’t owe you his new album

Though frequent delays may be annoying, fans have no right to demand new work from an artist.

Sarah Odom Student Writer

Four years after releasing his first album, Frank Ocean finally released his new album Blonde. During the wait, however, some fans became upset with the delays in the album’s release and claimed they had been disappointed by him. But disappointed how? While fans do support artists, artists don’t owe fans anything.

All art is, or at least should be, a form of self-expression. Not many people choose to live out their lives dependent on others being interested in this self-expression, but we shouldn’t expect that just because they do art for money that we are their boss or are owed this small part of them.

Another case of this happened last Sunday. Though it is slightly different in genre and what the fans were demanding. In this case, Lauren Zuke, a storyboard artist on the Cartoon Network show Steven Universe, quit Twitter because fans attacked her after she posted drawings supporting a certain character relationship. Like with Frank Ocean, fans became upset when an artist didn’t do exactly as the fans wanted them to. Of course the reaction to Lauren Zuke was a bit stronger, but the same kind of entitled behavior can be found in both fanbases.

Of course, not all fans act this way, but those that do tend to be the most vocal out of the group. In the best case, an artist reacts like Ocean and ignores their petty complaints and continues to do their work on their own schedule. In cases like Zuke’s though, artists can sever the connection with their fanbase, or worse, quit altogether.

It can be frustrating when a new CD is delayed or a show takes a different path than you want. What I am saying is that it’s important to keep in mind that artists are people and you aren’t their boss. Do you support their work? Yes. But you wouldn’t go into your favorite restaurant and start demanding things just because you buy their food a lot. Treat artists like people, take a moment to remember that they don’t have to give you anything and have a nice day.

graphic by Elias Brinkman

Delays from Frank Ocean left many fans feeling unwarranted disappointment.

Commentary

Ryan Lochte is a mess, so are we

The Collegian: 8

Public fascination with the backand-forth between Ryan Lochte and Rio police shows larger problems with American media.

Justin Guglielmetti Student Writer It hasn’t been the best three weeks for Ryan Lochte. The second-most decorated male Olympic swimmer in history behind the great Michael Phelps, 32-year-old Lochte entered his fourth Olympics as a shadow of his former world-champion self.

He competed in only two events, the 4x200 meter freestyle and the 200 meter individual medley, and when he failed to medal in the latter, his specialty, he surely thought he had reached the low point of his stay in Rio. Oh, how wrong he was.

Just a few days after his final event, Lochte reported to the Rio de Janeiro police that he and three other members of the US men’s swimming team had been pulled out of their cab and robbed at gunpoint in the streets. The incident was seized upon by the media as yet another example of the violence and poor conditions surrounding the games, and with everything that had happened up to that point – the daily muggings of fans, the feces clogging the waterways, the bus of Chinese basketball reporters getting caught in the middle of a gunfight – people had little reason to doubt the veracity of Lochte’s claims.

Except for the part where...you know... it never actually happened, at least not in the manner described by Lochte. Just a few days after Lochte shared the details of his “encounter” to the world via an interview with NBC, Brazilian police released their own findings in an internationally-televised press conference. Nobody had been pulled over. Nothing was stolen. While a gun was drawn, there exists no evidence that it had been trained on anybody with the intent to

shoot. And most damningly, the swimmers, it turned out, had not been confronted by hoodlums but by security guards after they had urinated on and damaged a public restroom. In response to the new evidence brought to light, all Lochte could muster up as an explanation was that he “over-exaggerated” his story.

Naturally, public opinion turned on Lochte faster than Usain Bolt can run 100 meters. Always known as a somewhat of an airhead due to his stereotypical jock personality and comically vague (and often nonsensical) answers in interviews, the swimmer transitioned from a victimized, lovable idiot in the eyes of millions to a spoiled, entitled disgrace to his country. Within a span of 24 hours, Forrest Gump became O.J. Simpson. It wasn’t just his fans that turned on him either. In a stunning financial hit, Lochte lost all four of his commercial sponsors: Speedo, Ralph Lauren, Airweave, and Gentle Hair Removal. The move was devastating but not unexpected; sponsors are always quick to dismiss their clients if they become pariahs.

If I’m being honest, I’m not Ryan Lochte’s biggest fan. Like most of America, I have always been solidly on the Phelps side of their rivalry, and have personally found Lochte’s goofiness to be more annoying than endear-

29 August 2016

nando Deluz, a Brazilian disc jockey who translated between the Americans and the security guards, also claims that the situation was much more hostile than Veloso would have the media believe, with one of the guards indeed drawing a gun unprovoked. None of this excuses the documented public urination or intoxication of the swimmers but it becomes easier to see how Lochte may have gotten confused and been genuinely scared in the situation.

So what do we make of this? With so much misinformation on both sides and the likelihood that we will never know what exactly went down, it almost feels irresponsible to take a strong opinion. What I can say for sure is that out of all the parties involved, none have botched the situation so thoroughly as the media, which apparently took little or no time to evaluate the truthfulness of either Ryan Lochte or the Brazilian authorities. Reporting on this whole incident has been about as thorough and researched as the gossip of the Real Housewives, and now that level of irresponsibility has had some serious financial ramifications for a man who may not have actually deserved them. As for Lochte I will say this: I feel bad for the guy for getting such harsh public treatment over what could possibly be a misunderstanding, but also recognize

“Public opinion turned on Lochte faster than Usain Bolt can run 100 meters.” ing. So when the Brazil police said their bit and turned his story on its head, I have to admit I felt some genuine amusement in addition to the embarrassment over a member of our country’s delegation screwing up in such a public fashion. Here was the validation I had always wanted that Lochte was not only a bimbo but a jackass as well! I never thought I would possibly feel bad for the guy. Only here is the real kicker: there are now reports coming to light from USA Today that Lochte wasn’t the only one “over-exaggerating.” Rio de Janeiro police chief Fernando Veloso seems to have been peddling some false information as well.

Recently released security footage shows that Lochte and his teammates never even entered the bathroom that they supposedly vandalized and had committed no greater damage than ripping a poster off a wall. Fer-

that if he hadn’t stupidly placed himself in such a position, this whole debacle could have been avoided. Yes, we have all been in situations that we later regretted and it seems rather unfair to condemn a man for some pretty trivial acts he committed while he was intoxicated, but at the same time more is always expected of public figures.

It is regrettable that the hammer has already come down on Lochte without any due process but that is the price we pay for living in a media-driven world where endless information is right at our fingertips and everyone is given a voice to share what they believe. This situation isn’t too different from any high-profile criminal trial or legal scandal in the United States, where millions of armchair prosecutors have the gall to think they possess enough knowledge to adjudicate a situation they know nothing

Olympics weren’t much better.

Rio De Janeiro’s mayor, Eduardo Paes, accused the Brazilian government of failing in its obligations to police and protect the people. Rather than improving security in the favelas surrounding the Olympic events, the government got to work silencing their disparaging cries, cracking down in full force on vocal complainants. This kind of iron-fist authority isn’t unfamiliar to impoverished Brazilians. While hosting the World Cup, Brazil saw the number of people killed by state officers increase by 40 percent.

Many officers, in turn, were disillusioned.

Underpaid and ill-equipped to combat drugtrafficking violence, they demanded higher pay. The government initiated a 2.9 billion dollar bailout to provide their officers with adequate pay. With this, Olympic spokespersons began to laud the games as an assured success.

It was already too late. Brazilian icons and political leaders had voiced their doubts that the games would not be an embarrassment, and Olympic athletes insisted on conveying their trepidation, covering everything from gun violence to the Zika virus, through social media. Even minor issues, such as the diving pool having turned a contaminated green, earned Brazil international ire.

What is the proper response to the 2016 Olympics? Is it to pack bags and haul ass, as numerous athletes did? Is it to ensure that whatever country is playing host to the games sees the proper amount of financial aid from the participating countries? Perhaps. Maybe more importantly, the international community should take this time to reflect on Brazil’s image in the spotlight, especially on its blemishes.

Any athlete scared to visit Brazil shared only a few days with a populace scared to live there. Brazil has one of the highest homicide rates in the world, at an average of 42,000 a year. Currently, the government is short on funds to the point of relying on emergency payments for its civil workers.

Brazil needs financial and humanitarian aid, as well as a level of governmental reform that’s beyond my understanding. Western institutions have long been attempting to enforce regulations such as food safety

courtesy Wikimedia Commons

Opinion on Lochte has taken social media by storm.

about. Unfair though it may be, we have reached the point of no return in terms of societal snap judgments. You want people to take the time to fact check their news before developing an opinion and sharing it with others? Start by abolishing social media and while you’re at it invent a time machine and establish world peace as well.

Ultimately though, does any of this really matter? As far as controversies go, isn’t this one somewhere near the bottom of the barrel as far as actual significance to our everyday lives? The public’s fascination with a scandal so ultimately meaningless in the grand scheme of things is eye-opening.

Even I am disappointed with myself for how much time I have spent wondering how this thing is going to be resolved. There are more important issues on hand that deserve our attention; lest anybody forget, we have an election coming up with two candidates who have done their fair share of lying!

And I’m not saying that Clinton and Trump should be the only things on our minds in the coming weeks, but perhaps we should be focusing a bit more on them and less on the tall tales of a nimrod like Lochte. Sadly, just like asking people to stop rushing to conclusions, a request for more attention to be given to consequential news in lieu of human interest controversies probably amounts to nothing more than a pipe dream.

The Olympics exposed Brazil’s biggest problems

The 2016 Olympics gave the international community a glimpse of a nation in despair that needs much more than a better image.

Trenton Gibbons Variety Editor “Welcome to Hell,” reads the makeshift sign, “Police and firefighters don’t get paid; whoever comes to Rio De Janeiro will not be safe.” The words, posted outside of Rio’s central airport, are meant as a warning to tourists, but more so reflect a discontented native populace. It effectively conveys a sentiment of hopelessness, one that the Brazilian government attempted to stifle at least for the duration of the Olympic games.

Why Brazil was even allowed to host the Olympic games after the exceedingly high costs of the 2014 World Cup strained its budget and infuriated its citizens is beyond me. In the latter event, the Brazilian government exposed its own incompetence on the global athletic stage despite its best efforts. The administration prioritized selfimage over the population’s happiness and economic well-being, spending tax money beyond the point of excess. The recent

tucollegian@tucollegian.org editor-in-chief

Hannah Kloppenburg managing editor

Kayleigh Thesenvitz news editor

Michaela Flonard sports editor

Matt Rechtien variety editor

Trenton Gibbons commentary editor

James Whisenhunt satire editor

Sam Chott photo & graphics editor

Elias Brinkman

business & advertising manager

Paul Moses web manager

Sam Chott

distribution managers

courtesy Wikimedia Commons

Rio’s crime problem is a symptom of a national issue that needs to be dealt with.

and water cleanliness. But to act on these improvements, Brazil’s government needs financial support.

The global community has sent its tourists, icons, and athletes to a nation which had been struggling before it had even begun preparing itself for the world stage.

Now that community needs to follow up with extensive financial aid, humanitarian efforts, and strategies to improve life in Brazil, not just its image.

Nathan Gibbons, Kirby Hockensmith and Trenton Gibbons

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29 August 2016

Variety

The Collegian: 9

“Conquer the Gauntlet” mud-run comes to Tulsa

The task of overcoming the obstacles in Tulsa’s most recent mud-run was a pain to endure and a pleasure to complete.

Michaela Flonard News Editor

Trenton Gibbons Variety Editor

Nathan Gibbons Distribution Manager Last Saturday, Conquer the Gauntlet hosted a mud run on the outskirts of Tulsa. The course, stretching over 4 miles, consisted of 25 obstacles meant to test the physical limits of even the most experienced ‘conquerors’.

If the program director is to be believed, our mental and emotional faculties were tested somewhere in there as well.

We had a mix of expectations coming into the race. There was an undertone of regret in our preparing to attend the event, heightened by the intimidating physiques of the other participants. Before we could receive our numbers, we signed a waiver informing us of the course’s “inherent danger” and that any lack of training prior to the event would only make the course harder. Entering the starting block required us to scale a wall that barely served as a warm-up for the countless others that would follow.

The first obstacle of the course was the “Great Wall of America” and more surprising than the lack of a Trump reference was the altruism of our fellow participants.

When any one of us would falter in scaling the wall, a helping hand would extend, either to curl our entire body-weight or simply push it over.

Workers dotting the sidelines shouted encouragement to the participants and surveyed the rather flimsy-looking equipment. While the vast majority of obstacles survived the wear and tear of hundreds of athletes, one had a plank tear off while we

Some obstacles had different degrees of difficulty for participants to choose from.

were attempting it, and another was broken before we’d even arrived.

After having successfully completed the first few obstacles and not having fallen behind, we experienced a surge of confidence.

We would not only complete the course, we’d take a few of its obstacles with us. By the end, we’d tried them all and conquered most, with each of us displaying different strengths. A few of us abandoned the balance beams immediately, while another made it look effortless. A mid-race spat unfolded after one member’s completion of a rope-climbing obstacle was questioned. All three of us admitted defeat on the ‘Pegatron,’ where racers moved laterally across a board by moving and removing two wooden

“Slabs and Stitches” an experiment in landscapes

Theresa Ganz’ “Slabs and Stitches” uses a variety of influences to create something entirely original.

Mason Powell Student Writer Beneath the Phillips Hall School of Art is the subterranean Alexandre Hogue Gallery.

From the gallery sounds a dissonant lull and growl. The dimly-lit room features rotating shows by outsiders and students of the college, including solo and group shows. Not being a visual arts major at TU, I’ve only visited the gallery to pass through, never with the intention of admiring the art — which I plan to change with each new exhibit.

With this semester’s start, the gallery features “Slabs and Stitches” by Theresa Ganz.

I hadn’t heard of Ganz or her work, and after viewing the show I was intrigued by both.

In a phrase, I’d say Ganz is a modern landscape artist. Ganz studied film as an undergrad, and graduated with an MFA in photography from the San Francisco Art Institute. Building off of this experience, she hasn’t simply tied herself to the romantic landscape movements with their realism, or to contemporary reimaginings of the American horizon, such as Ed Ruscha’s work.

What she has done is poignantly fuse the natural world with modern technique in a way that’s hard to put to words.

Two styles were prevalent at the show: framed works, including panoramas and a diptych; and oversized inkjets taking their own shape on the wall, which tower with sharp angles, and are confusingly titled “Panorama 1” and “3” although they don’t take the shape of traditional panoramas, but rather range vertically.

The show’s title “Stabs and Stitches” reflects both her content and method. Ganz photographs rock formations and cliff faces (which remind me of the Arbuckle Mountains of southern Oklahoma and the rural sandstone bluffs of nearby Osage County), then stitches the photos together, creating landscape of her own design--like seamless collages.

The effect is otherworldly. By first appearances I saw something I thought I knew well. Soon, the closer I looked the pictures would change until I had to take a step back to really admire the pieces in their totality — similar to how nature is admired. Ganz had the effect on me any good artist should; like standing in Plato’s cave I only saw shadows until something in Ganz’s picture let in some better light, or led me out.

Most images are in black and white, while some experiment with hints of color.

One piece is an experiment in form. I read this on the artist’s description of her show, describing a video installation component:

“Storm Diptych is a two-channel video set to music, 13 minutes long and looped.

The footage was taken of both hurricanes and smaller storms all shot through a window. The video is set to the first movement of String Quartet No 19 by Mozart, also know as the Dissonance Quartet. The music has been slowed down to a drone. Here the reference to Romanticism is overt — many of the images draw from the paintings by Carl David Friedrich and the piece itself is in the Romantic tradition of Sturm und Drang.”

I plan on attending the opening reception on September 1, so I can congratulate and ask her about this piece. “Storm Diptych” is published on the homepage of her Website: theresaganz.com — for the lazy art admirer.

The video might be my favorite piece, being so different from her other work; the presentation, historical ties, and her intention intrigues me. At the gallery, my favorite hung piece is “Panorama 1,” one of the two large works pinned to the walls. These photos are less defined and more abstract than the cliff works: they appear to be photo collages of rock textures — and in the case of “Panorama 1” are reminiscent of snowy mountainous regions. They remind me of the surface of the moon or some distant planet. The color is subtle and well thought out.

It was startling to me how much depth the edited photos possessed. Each piece has a textured, three-dimensional quality, or “trompe-l’œil” for you art kids. The same effect is true of “Second Diptych” and easier to achieve with film in my opinion. The cliff work, such as “Serpentine Pano Inverse,” also plays with depth and focus by using contrast and negative color editing.

“Panorama 1” and the framed pieces express another natural reflection in Ganz’s style — the lack of clean and defined borders. (Chaos in nature versus natural order). Even in the framed pieces the edges where color meets white on the prints are not straight lines, but angular, and further: the lines shaping the angles are not clean, but jagged. To me, this quality of Ganz’s art expresses an important quality of nature’s beauty that realism rarely captures.

For example, in reality rocks are weathered in random patterns, storms will come out of nowhere and change the landscape, and these two forces will interact until the end of time in a way that feels both ancient and eternal. Bottom line, Ganz knows her craft and deserves recognition.

Ganz’s last solo show listed on her website was in Ontario and was titled “Heart of the Cave,” we’re lucky to have her work in Tulsa — she’s made my shortlist of contemporary artists worth checking out. “Slabs and Stitches” runs on campus in the Alexander Hogue Gallery until September 22.

pegs. Mind you, that one has a reported 2% success rate.

Having begun our race in the late morning, we were plagued by heat and occasionally, dehydration. Water coolers were

courtesy ConquerThe Gauntlet.com

Halfway through the race, we agreed to participate again next year. This wasn’t us excusing our current efforts, but instead looking ahead to how we could improve.

A mud-run guide online advised first time

“Before we could receive our numbers, we signed a waiver informing us of the course’s inherent danger” scarce, a real problem for the first half. In fact, water itself was scarce, and mud with it. Having anticipated more mud, we were disappointed by the drought. The greatest relief came in the form of a cool muddy pool, which would become a recurring consequence for failing later obstacles.

‘conquerors’ to take the course at their own pace. So did the other participants, the workers, and the women running a vegan foods booth. Despite following their advice, we’re each decorated with bruises and scrapes of unknown origin, sore but with no regrets.

Fairgrounds festival celebrates Indian culture in Tulsa

photo by Michaela Flonard

Discover India offered a wealth of food, dancing, shopping and education to attendees.

Michaela Flonard News Editor

On Saturday, August 27, the Indian Association of Greater Tulsa hosted their annual “Discover India” event. The event showcases Indian culture and history while also allowing visitors to experience it for themselves, with dances, food, and shopping available.

Several booths offered learning experiences for visitors. Topics ranged from Bollywood to religion to cuisine. One even showed tourist destinations for those so inspired by the festival they wanted to visit the country for themselves.

Each station was extremely detailed, with information boards and physical examples, if possible. One station about a traditional festival featured Barbies dressed in facsimile clothing in a miniature version of that festival’s main event.

The cuisine table had various spices typically used in Indian cooking, as well as desserts. While they weren’t for eating, it was one of the most tempting areas.

Vendor stalls also abounded. Many sold clothes and jewelry and seemed to be constantly swarmed by people. One woman sold her pottery, and demonstrated her process on a throwing wheel as people eagerly

crowded around. A large henna station decorated many a person’s hands and body.

For food, visitors could choose from several dishes from the local Indian Palace restaurant or Himilayan-based cooking.

Of course, being set in the Expo Center, popcorn and soda were also served, which clashed with the rest of the experience.

Anyone not familiar with that style of food might have found themselves wondering what to buy. Most dishes were simply labeled as “vegetarian combo” or “meat combo” and lacked detailed explanations, but looking around, one could judge for themselves what might suit their taste buds.

The main event was on stage, where different acts passed through. Dancing groups performed. While it was unclear, to me at least, what was happening lyric-wise, it was clear that the dancers were experienced and having fun. One duo lept around the stage to cheery, bouncy sounding-music, doing complicated moves to a story I’ll never be privy to.

A fashion show served as one of the last acts of the night, with both men and women showing the fabrics and colors of their culture. The clothing looked comfortable but beautiful, with complementary jewelry or other embellishments adding a distinct radiance to the outfits.

While this event has already passed for the year, the Indian Association holds other events, such as an Indian kite festival and Hindi classes, where people can get a taste of a different place.

The Collegian: 10

Variety

29 August 2016

TU alum Ryan Torregrossa discusses newest album Ryan Torregrossa, a 2012 TU graduate, has used his musical passion and education to help others, express his feelings and, on occasion, reminisce about his years at TU. Hannah Kloppenburg Editor-in-Chief Ryan Torregrossa’s first solo album is an not an ode to his youth and his time as a student at TU, but rather a journal entry.

“This was really just for myself,” he says.

“I’ve been a singer-songwriter for a long time, and I’ve done a lot for other people, but this is my own thing.”

The album is called “6:23” and was released March 30, 2016, but according to Torregrosa, the songs on the album were written between 2006 and 2013, a time period that encompasses his four years as a student at TU (he’s a class of 2012 Energy Management major and Music minor). The album can be streamed on Spotify or purchased from iTunes.

“6:23” is what Torregrossa refers to as “a DIY project.” His coursework at TU played into the making of the album, which he recorded and produced by himself at his home studio in Houston.

“I studied digital recording at Tulsa,” he says. “These classes gave me the know-how to literally record the music and also use the software. I also drummed up some websites, did marketing and photography just kind of to see if I could do it. And it came out alright.”

The result is a mellow, easy-going nod to immaturity and self-discovery, set to acoustic indie-country guitar riffs and the smooth cadence of Torregrossa’s voice. It seems like you should be listening to it by a bonfire on a nice patio, or sitting in an armchair in a log cabin. Like he says, it came out alright — better than alright.

Torregrossa attributes this musical style to the fact that “6:23” as an album is “certainly internalized.” “[The songs on the album] are songs I like and would listen to. The style is super acoustic, there’s not any noises or production.” He does admit, however, that in the future he might like to incorporate some more electronic styles into his music. The album draws from jazz influences — Torregrossa studied jazz guitar at TU — but also from late 90’s and early 2000’s alternative.

“It’s really a combination of [when I was in high school], wanting to be cool and listen to Blink-182, but also wanting to learn

Torregrossa commends the University of Tulsa for giving him the foundations necessary for a musical career.

jazz guitar and get a scholarship for college,” Torregrossa laughs as he recalls asking a friend to bring him alternative albums on the sly so he could listen to them without his mother finding out. He cites musical influences such as Alanis Morissette, Jimmy Eat World, and Led Zeppelin, as well as jazz giants such as Chet Baker and Miles Davis.

He cheekily describes his work as “music to play ping-pong to;” low-key and casual, not a pop or rock album. He’s right — the best word to describe the album is “smooth,” ranging from the easy bass and light-hearted vocals of “Wading” and the flowing piano on “The Truth.”

Torregrossa’s time at TU was not only a contributing factor to his musical success, but also a strong influence on the lyrical content of “6:23”.

“Really there is a whole lot of influence from Tulsa, not just in the songs but because of my age, maturity level, what was going on in [my] life. I was at music school at Tulsa so I’ll always remember Tulsa when I play these songs...I remember writing [a] song after a football game and I couldn’t sleep. Or going to Tyrell after failing a test and writing,” he recalls.

Torregrossa continues to reminisce about his time at TU: “When I was there, there

was an older music building, and I don’t know if they even let people into Tyrrell Hall any more,” he laughs, “because it’s like asbestos.com in there. Vocal majors would complain about the black mold.”

Torregrossa spent his fraternity-mandated study hours in the basements of Tyrell, before the Lorton Performance Center was built. “I was practicing piano 6-7 hours per week, being at Tyrell hall, meeting new people” he says. The album, he contends, represents this part of his life, a time when he was simply learning about himself.

The lyrics on “6:23” are concise and simple, and he brings this up. “There’s an element of immaturity to it and that’s kind of the point. Some of the words and songs were something that maybe I wouldn’t put in an album I would release today, but [at the time] it was for me.”

Some songs on the album are based off of people Torregrossa met at TU. “I particularly remember writing “Then I Realized” and finishing the song and realizing it was about a Tri Delt [sorority member] I used to know at TU,” he says. Another song on the album, the laid-back “Wading,” is a nod to one of his fraternity brothers and good friends.

The album’s smooth, mellow, bass; bright acoustic guitar, and slight notes of ameri-

courtesy RyanTorregrossa.com

cana flavor are indicative of the influence of both Tulsa and Torregrossa’s hometown of Houston. “I’m going to continue to be a Tulsa musician,” he says. “I’m from Houston but I usually make sure [people] know it’s my Tulsa album.”

In addition to “6:23”, Torregrossa and two friends (also TU graduates) recently released a project entitled By Chance, a threesong EP written and recorded over a span of seven days while Torregrossa happened to be visiting Tulsa. He currently lives in Brooklyn, NY, where he teaches for an organization called Freebird that offers free guitar lessons to children with cancer.

Torregrossa also notes that we should keep an eye out for an upcoming project.

He’s working on some americana tracks with a singer-songwriter from West Virginia that he says should be available on his website, www.ryantorregrossa.com, in the near future.

He wraps up the conversation by throwing in a final nod to his college years: “Tulsa really put me in a good position educationwise and financial-wise. I was able to get a really great job right out of the University of Tulsa, which set me up with the time and means to record the album. I really owe a lot to the university.”

“Kubo” dazzles with visual style, lacks a complex narrative

“Kubo’s” simple premise lends itself well to its mythic style, but might detract from its memorability.

Steven Buchele Student Writer From the shadowy firelit night that haunts all humans, from the deep old places that refuse to be properly ‘civilized,’ comes a voice. “If you must blink, do it now,” the story teller warns. Lightning flashes and we see a razor thin boat slicing through the trembling fabric of a stormy sea “Pay careful attention to everything you see, no matter how strange.” A monstrous wave swells upwards, threatening to dash the paper boat against the ocean floor itself. “For if you look away, for even an instant, our hero will surely perish.”

So opens Kubo and the Two Strings, and it’s advice to take seriously. Kubo, Laika Entertainment’s fourth stop-motion animated production, is an incredible balancing act.

The movie is by far the studio’s most ambitious production yet, but it’s also their simplest story to date. It leverages more technological muscles than almost any movie produced this year, while evoking the same primitive part of us that once sat around the campfire before the dawn of written history.

In short: Kubo is without question the most beautiful animated movie of the year (and possibly the most beautiful movie period) but since it is such a pure example of the Hero’s Journey, the oldest and most well known proto-myth ever, it threatens to be forgotten in the face of complex, fleshed out narratives of movies like Zootopia or Finding Dory.

Kubo’s titular character grows up caring for his mother in a cave just outside a small fishing village. Every day at dawn he goes into the village and earns money by telling fantastic stories of Hanzo, his magic armor, and the eternal struggle against the Moonking. As fantastic aids to his captivating stories, Kubo uses his magic to give life to impossibly intricate origami figurines.

It’s a pretty good life, with the one requirement that he return to the cave before dark. For if (and when) moonlight touches him, his grandfather, the Moonking himself, can find him. Not content with the one eye that he has already stolen from Kubo,

“Kubo” lovingly uses stop-motion animation at a time when computer animation is much less tedious.

the Moonking will stop at nothing to steal Kubo’s other eye. As in all stories, Kubo breaks the one taboo (though it’s kind of an accident this time) and his mother uses the last of her magic to send Kubo away and animate the Mr. Monkey charm that he propetenens at all time. With the help of the animate charm Monkey (Charlize Theron) and Beetle (Matthew McConaughey) an amnesiatic samurai cursed with an insectoid form, Kubo must seek out the pieces of his father’s armory so that he can defend himself against the scheme of the Moonking.

First, the indisputable. Kubo is gorgeous.

There is so much attention and craft poured into every frame of this film that it almost seems to overflow out of the screen and into the theater. Many famous directors, animators, and editors might claim to labor over every frame, but by the sure limitations of the media, few of them can truthfully claim to have the same intimacy with each individual frame as the animators of Laika.

Kubo is a stop motion animated picture, meaning that the characters that you see leaping around the screen are incredibly detailed, hand crafted figures that were delicately, precisely posed, photographed and reposed, changed imperceptibly from how

they were before. To say this process is laborious would be a grand understatement.

One second of the final product could very well be the product of dozens of meticulous hours of work. The sheer number of details they include is absolutely mind boggling. In a couple of scenes we can see the feathery fur of Monkey trembling in arctic winds and savage storms. It is so easy to just not even notice what must have been a major technical headache when you’re lost in the film.

Ancient crafting techniques, cutting edge 3D printing technology, uber precision machining and careful computer animation have been combined by Laika so that literally any frame of this movie would be worth hanging in a museum.

If Kubo could have married its on screen beauty with the narrative flesh of say, Zootopia or Toy Story 3, it could very well be in the running for best film of the year. However, the honest truth is that it hasn’t. The story that Kubo tells is a good story. It’s just a simple one. And it breaks the modern cardinal sin of screenwriting: it lets the audience get ahead of the story. It doesn’t take much precognitive ability to foresee the twists that Kubo weaves. And then, no matter how well they are done, the twists rather

courtesy IMDB

lack the impact of a proper surprise.

Kubo is a very well done retelling of the ubiquitous hero’s journey. And some might hold that against it. However, I believe this is completely the wrong way to depart from the story. Kubo, for all its technological complexity, is a modern link to the ancient oral traditions that we aren’t exposed enough to any more. Kubo as character and narrator is a master storyteller, not a clever author or savvy studio-exec, he and his movie call us back to the wizened story mongers, dramaturgs and bards that bore us through history with their tale, foraged those archetypes we call cliche and flat for the first time from their imaginations, and entrapped, entertained, and instructed us for uncounted generations.

If the sole purpose of a review is simply to persuade or dissuade you to see a movie, let me be forthwith: see Kubo and the Two Strings. If you would take but a small amount of advice beyond that, find the biggest screen you can and see it in 3D, it is worth it, and then afterwards find the old storytellers and reconnect with those simple and ancient traditions Kubo reminds us of.

Variety

29 August 2016

Gilcrease’s “TGIFrida” event attractive but overcrowded

Gilcrease Museum’s Frida-fest was beautifully organized, but the number of people made it impossible to actually appreciate the art.

James Whisenhunt Commentary Editor

Frank Ocean delivers in his sophomore album Ocean’s first album Channel ORANGE was adored by fans and critics.

The highly anticipated follow-up to Channel ORANGE is finally here.

Now it’s up to fans to decide if its worth the wait.

Adam Lux Student Writer A little more than 4 years after his debut album Channel ORANGE was released, R&B artist Frank Ocean dropped his sophomore album, Blonde (stylized to blond), on August 20th. Ocean’s first studio album received extremely positive reviews and the R&B community has been “patiently” waiting for a follow up for some time now.

Fans of Channel ORANGE may or may not be happy to know that Blonde repeats many of the same tones, techniques, and themes as Ocean’s first studio album. Both albums will occasionally drastically change tones in the middle of songs. They both touch subjects such as religion, class, youth, and drug use. A spoken track performed by a mother figure appears in both albums.

However, pretending that Blonde is a cut and dry follow up to Channel ORANGE would be a folly. Although some general feelings and themes connect the two, on a more precise level they are very different.

While Channel ORANGE constantly made the listener aware of time and place, Blonde pays little attention to scene and far more to emotion and memory. Ocean’s first album, while unique, was certainly R&B. Blonde is far more hesitant to adopt a specific genre.

While each song has aspects of R&B, many

The Collegian: 11

courtesy Wikimedia Commons

tracks could be easily described as indie pop, electronic, etc.

Moving on to some of the actual music. The album opens with the only single, Nikes, which eases listeners back into the mindset of Ocean. However, the augmented vocals warn that this is going to be a very different experience than Channel ORANGE. Ivy shows his ability to make amazing music even outside of R&B! Solo has, in my humble opinion, possibly the best crafted lyrics of any of Ocean’s songs, and the artist backs them up with beautiful vocals and haunting organ work.

This album is certainly indulgent, however I do not think overly so. While there are a couple of songs that are more experimental it’s clear that a lot of work went into every single second of all 17 tracks. Ocean delivers some of his best vocal performances in Godspeed and Seigfried. Every song lives up to the lyrical standards of Ocean’s first album. Fan’s of Ocean will feel at home sinking deep into the sublime sounds of Blonde. However I’d would advise newcomers to check out Channel ORANGE first as it’s more strongly rooted in R&B. My personal pick for best track is Solo, but Nikes, Pink+White, and Godspeed are all must-listens.

It’s hard to come to a final conclusion for an album like Blonde, especially with Channel ORANGE still in the back of my mind. What I can say is that fans have been waiting and anticipating for Ocean’s second album for a long, long time, and even with all the pushbacks and false dates Blonde is well worth the wait.

Last Friday, Gilcrease Museum held the first event in their Gilcrease After Hours series, free late-night exhibits the last Friday of every month. The event, TGIFrida Friday, focused on the life and work of Frida Kahlo, a prominent Mexican painter best known for her symbolic self-portraits. Her influence could be seen everywhere, from the colorful decor to the acoustic music to the members of Gilcrease staff costumed as Kahlo.

The entrance, past the Gilcrease’s gardens and bust of Simón Bolívar, featured a snake handler and a photobooth with props operating out of an old VolksWagen van. It did an excellent job of setting the fun, exotic, and vaguely Mexican vibes that persist once one enters the door.

Music from local musician Kalyn Fay Barnoski could be heard in the hallway leading to the main room, where visitors found Barnoski herself and some delicious Mexican appetizers to snack on. The atmosphere was enticing, but this was also the point

when I saw the crowd and discovered that there were far too many people at this event.

Those snacks were never going to last the obscene amount of time it would take to actually get into the main exhibit, which wasn’t even actual artwork by Frida. Instead, on display was the “Frida Kahlo: Through the Lens of Nickolas Muray” photo exhibition.

The photos could have been interesting in their own right, but I didn’t manage to get in to see them and was told that there were so many people crammed into the exhibit that the art itself was barely visible.

Even 15 minutes before the museum closed, after an hour of looking at an interesting west Mexican ceramics exhibit on the other side of the venue, the line to get to the photography still had at least 30 people in it.

Who knows if they would have kicked me out if I was still in line at 9:00, but at that point I didn’t want to waste the staff’s or my own time by trying.

The Gilcrease After Hours series certainly started off with a bang. It was clear that a lot of thought went into planning the event, as the venue felt colorful and engaging. Unfortunately, the event was too popular for its own good. Perhaps later events in the series won’t be as crowded, but for TU students who get in free any time with their student ID, it’s easier to leave the atmosphere behind and actually get to see the exhibits on their own time.

Frida Kahlo has proven to be a lasting icon of Mexican culture.

courtesy Wikimedia Commons

“Don’t Think Twice” a bittersweet look at group dynamics “Don’t Think Twice” pays tribute to the comedic art of improvisation without distancing audiences who might be unfamiliar with the genre.

JD Wessinger Student Writer The first screening of Don’t Think Twice is just one of many premiere events the Circle Cinema has held and was accompanied by an improv performance from Tulsa’s Comedy Parlor.

The troupe took front stage a short time before the show and performed a few improv “games”, providing a point of reference for individuals less familiar with the format, as well as justification for early popcorn indulgence.

Don’t Think Twice is a film which follows an improv group in its final stages of existence. The characters are all part of an improv troupe named “The Commune” which has performed for a number of years.

The theatre they perform in is considered to be a recruitment ground for Weekend Live, the movie’s version of Saturday Night Live.

As the characters learn the theatre is being shut down, the group begins to crumble as they make their (possibly final) grasp for success.

The characters of Don’t Think Twice are wonderfully flawed, and it is the realistic dynamics of their relationship that elevates the movie from an abstract comedy to an engaging and very believable story. Jack, the most protagonistic of the six troupe members, is recruited for Weekend Live and it is in his grappling with the new distance between him and his former group that we see much of the story unfold. This brings

“Don’t Think Twice” shows an experienced appreciation for improvisation, while introducing its practice to newcomers.

strain on his relationship with Samantha, his girlfriend and fellow improv actor, and her struggle with the distance between Jack and the rest of the group provides a counterpoint to the story of Jack’s newfound success.

Comedy in Don’t Think Twice is an ef-

is also an acknowledgement of the cringey, uncomfortable moments that go hand in hand with both good and bad improv comedy. This awkwardness is not generally meant as a comedic schadenfreude a la Will Ferrell movies, but the honestly mortifying

“The fictitious nature of the story matters little to its narrative integrity because of how well it reflects reality.” fective combination of the wacky looseness improv provides and the comfortable hilarity of comedians who are close knit. It is also a true-to-source-material comedy, which utilizes the concepts of improv (like the concept of “yes, and…”) as a flow device; characters that do not obey the concepts of improv are very obviously at odds with the intent of the scene. In a similar vein, there

and discomforting moments that happen in real life.

It is in these parallels to real life that Don’t Think Twice shines. Had there been a tagline for the movie that said “based on a true story” I would have fully believed it. The fictitious nature of the story matters little to its narrative integrity because of how well it reflects reality. The movie is less about an

courtesy IMDB

improv comedy troupe groping for success as it is an ode to the transitional uncertainty that pulls a well knit group apart.

In a scene where part of the troupe is going through old stage materials, Chris Gethard’s character states “Your twenties are all about hope, and then your thirties are all about realizing how dumb it was to hope.”

This sentiment, paired with the cruelly realistic premise of the movie hits hard, and I could not help but be uncomfortably familiar with the feeling. Don’t Think Twice ends on a happy note, but it is not so much a cheering victory than simply a grateful mark of survival. But if the movie conveys no greater message, it is that it’s alright to just try and survive. Don’t Think Twice is well worth the price of admission for any who want an entertaining time “getting punched in the feels.”

29 August 2016

The State-Run Media

the

State-Run media Frank Ocean, please answer my calls

graphic by Elias Brinkman

R&B artist releases album as buried treasure

Frank Ocean, or Frank to his fans, left a series of increasingly mysterious clues leading to his latest album.

A State-Run reporter follows a cryptic trail of clues just to listen to Frank Ocean’s newest album, which is even more inaccessible than “Blonde”.

Adam Lux Apple Music’s newest customer

Hidden beneath all the hype of his album Blonde, artist Frank Ocean actually quietly released a second album just hours after. However, this album was even more difficult to acquire than Blonde (do people actually use Apple Music?) It all started when Frank’s brother tweeted out a set of coordinates which corresponded to an old

abandoned floppy disc factory.

When I got to the factory the doors were open, apparently by some large bolt cutters.

Inside the large building was completely empty save a box of, that’s right, floppy discs. I grabbed the antiquated piece of hardware and got back into my car to drive back to my parents house. They, for some reason, had a computer that still took floppy discs.

On the disc, to my pleasant surprise, was a copy of the 1971 game Oregon Trail.

Billy, Timothy, and Margaret all died from dysentery, but Samantha survived and at the end of the game I was greeted by Frocean’s face. A short video told me I was one of the chosen few who might, just might, be able to listen to the album. It gave me an address and a date and time.

The time was 1:00am and the place was a ratty bar. I walked in and no one was there besides the bartender who pointed me towards some stairs. The basement was even more disgusting than the bar itself. It was dark and something kept dripping on my head. I was greeted by an old AV cart with a tube tv strapped to it and a skinny kid. Ocean’s face popped up on the tv and informed the two of us that we were going to have to brawl it out, fight club style, and the winner would receive the location of the album.

Thankfully the other kid was even skinnier and weaker than I am so I was able to use some of my grade school tang soo do moves to beat him into submission. A large suited man stepped out of the shadows and handed me a piece of paper with an address

on it and told me to go there immediately if I wanted the album.

The address brought me to a Wendy’s in the middle of Nobody Cares, Missouri. It was about four in the morning at this point and the Wendy’s was obviously closed; however, one light was on inside.

I walked in and saw Frank Ocean himself sitting alone at a booth. I sat down across from him, introduced myself, and explained how much of a fan I was. He said nothing and just stared straight ahead. I asked him if I could get an autograph and he gave no response. Finally I snapped and started yelling at him that I’d been through hell and back to get this album and where the hell was it.

He leaned over slowly and poked his finger right into my chest. “The album is right here, man.”

What year in college should you actually be?

Thanks to new research by the State-Run Media’s top scientists, we now have a completely reliable way to determine what year in college you really should be, regardless of what your transcript says.

Steven Buchele Spends a lot of time on Buzzfeed

Add up the points you get for each answer, then consult the answer key to determine whether you’re a naive freshman, a jaded senior, or something in between.

1) How much time did it take for you to move into your room?

a) I had my family help me move in, but I spent hours decorating and getting everything just right. (5 points)

b) I don’t know, like 20 seconds.

Enough time for me to take off my pants and fall onto my bed. (20 points)

c) I’m not sure, but it felt like forfreakin-ever because we had to move my roommate’s four-ton couch up two flights of stairs. (15 Points)

d) Being completely honest? I haven’t finished unpacking yet. (10 points) 2) What do you plan on having for breakfast most often this year?

a) Breakfast? What’s breakfast?

(15 Points)

b) Eggs and hashbrowns and toast and waffles, it’s going to be great! (5 Points)

c) One prepackaged bowl of Frosted flakes or Apple Jacks. (10 Points)

d) Whatever I can find in the fridge that isn’t moldy. (20 Points)

3) How did you decide on your classes for this semester?

a) I heard that the other professors were awful, so I thought this would be the lewast bad. (15 Points)

b) I heard this professor was great, so I managed to sign up. (10 Points)

c) These were the only classes I could get into. (5 Points)

d) I’m not proud of what I did, but I did what I had to do. (20 Points)

e) Oh, you know, I thought these would be fun classes. (0 Points) 4) How do you decide where to sit in your classes?

a) I want to make a specific impression on the professor. (5 Points)

b) I try to find the three decent people in the room and join them. (10 Points)

c) I try and sit down wind of the grad students. (15 Points)

d) Oh… those skid marks better not have taken my seat. That’s MY seat.(20 Points)

Answer Key If you got less than 30 points, you are: a freshman!

If you got 31-50 points, you are: a sophomore!

If you got 51-70 points, you are: a jun ior!

If you got 70 points or more, you are: a senior!

graphic by Elias Brinkman

Olympic Committee gets the last laugh on Lochte

Lochte kisses his (chocolate) medal for the 400m relay.

With US Olympian Ryan Lochte under scrutiny for fabricating a story about an armed robbery, the Olympic Committee recently revealed that it faked all of his medal ceremonies.

Sam Beckmann Fake student writer

After his blatant disregard of Brazilian laws, Ryan Lochte had the tables turned on him when the Rio Olympic committee admitted that all of Lochte’s medal ceremonies were faked.

The admission came after Lochte had already left Brazil, so authorities could not detain him for faking a crime. The Olympic Committee revealed to reporters an elaborate behind-the-scenes sound stage, designed to fake medal recipients into thinking they were in front of a huge crowd.

“It was really a lot of effort and taxpayer money that went into this project to deceive Lochte, but looking at him now, I think it was all worth it,” reported an anonymous Committee member. Reportedly, Lochte was taken into this special room with all the other medalists for his relay, where he was presented a convincing, yet ultimately fake gold medal. After the faux ceremonial concluded, everyone besides Lochte went on the the real deal, receiving their actual medals in front of thousands of cheering fans.

Although unconfirmed, rumors are circulating that the fake medal is “like one of those chocolate coins, but giant!” No one has yet attempted to unwrap Lochte’s medal to get at the chocolate underneath.

As of press time, The Brazilian president has announced that Lochte’s actual medal is “right here next to me, he just has to come pick it up from my office.” Lochte could not be reached for comment.