Volume 99, Issue 8 Oct 28th

a student newspaper of the university of tulsa

october 28, 2013 issue 8 ~ volume 99

Graphic by Anna Bennett

The current incarnation of Captain ’Cane is one of a long line of hurricane-based mascots at the University of Tulsa. Herc (far left) was TU’s first storm-themed mascot. When Captain ’Cane (second from left) was first designed in 1988, he was to serve as Herc’s fisherman companion. Eventually, the name Captain ’Cane was simply applied to a reworked Herc (upper middle to far right). The current Captain ’Cane dons a superhero suit (center).

A mascot rises, a goalpost falls

The University of Tulsa has gone through a number of Hurricane-themed mascots before settling upon Captain ’Cane—the superhero.

Witt Womack Staff Writer

E

very superhero has an origin story, and Captain ‘Cane is no exception.

The story on the Tulsa Official Athletic Site tells of a freshman IT technician, Colin Cane, who, through the “cyber-athletic” forces of a “binary vortex,” transformed into the evidently balding superhero with a lightning sword.

Despite the presence of electrocution, the mascot’s fictional inception would probably have been a less prolonged, painful process than ‘Cane’s actual introduction to the University of Tulsa.

The creation of TU’s mascot was naturally preceded by and built upon the creation of a team name, though fifty years separated the two events.

In 1922, Tulsa’s football team under Coach Howard Archer was in peak form. During practice, it is said that Archer heard his team described as “roaring through opponents.” With this comment in mind, Archer likened the gold and black-clad team to Golden Tornadoes.

The name was in use by Georgia Tech, however, and Archer and

his team changed it to the Golden Hurricane and finished the season as the “undefeated and all victorious Intercollegiate champions of not only the state but the southwest” as a 1922 Collegian review of the season put it.

After the adoption of the “Golden Hurricane” as the official school team name in 1923, TU’s clubs began to conform to the Hurricane identity. Starting in the late 1950s, the University of Tulsa Golden Hurricane Band would annually elect a “Miss Tornado” as a batontwirling mascot for the band.

An ad in The Collegian from 1961 called for girls four to eight years old who were “attractive” and had “a pleasing personality” as well as “a good sense of rhythm and the ability to perform in front of crowds.”

But it was not until 1977 before a costumed mascot took to the field of the University of Tulsa. Citing “a need to improve general school spirit,” a few members of the University administration contacted Disney Studios about designing a hurricane costume and were referred to the costume maker Fantasy Forest.

In a Collegian article entitled, “So this is what a golden hurricane looks like” the 6’3”, 75-pound costume, and its first occupant, Jim Hunstein were introduced to TU. The Collegian had only one concern: “He needs a name.”

See Cane page 4

On Oct. 26, 2002, students tore down the goalpost to celebrate the end of the Hurricane’s seventeen-game losing streak with a victory against the UTEP Miners.

Morgan Krueger Walker Womack

I

Staff Writers

t’s officially autumn but summer’s dying breaths have blessed this particular day with a cloudless, sunny sky and warm weather.

In Skelly Stadium the University of Texas at El Paso’s Miners and Tulsa’s Golden Hurricane are lining up for the final play.

It has been a rather unexceptional football game, yet the stadium is filled with an almost electric energy pervading the home crowd.

Tulsa leads twenty to zero. Despite the fact that the vast array of seats are mostly empty, the small student population boasts a turnout noticeably larger than any other game prior in the season.

Some force holds the students to their seats; by some common understanding they are determined to see the game to its conclusion.

Chants of “goalpost!” fill the air, pre-empting some grand undertaking. It has been propagating since the one-minute warning.

Almost before the ball is snapped, small movements can be detected in the stands, and by the time a referee’s whistle indicates

Meals on Wheels The Meals on Wheels program provides well over one million meals to seniors who need them each day. Some programs serve meals at congregate locations like senior centers, some programs deliver meals directly to the homes of seniors whose mobility is limited. Volunteers are needed Monday – Friday, volunteer opportunities include site packer/helper, meal deliverers/drivers, site coordinators, office volunteers, van drivers, and many others.

the game’s end, it is apparent that the students are going to take the field. Small detachments of blue and gold-clad students stream onto the turf, ignoring the low wall separating it from the stands. Students join together on the field, quickly forming a crowd as more and more members of the audience join the fray.

After some initial confusion, the mass begin to move toward the north goalpost. Soon the target is surrounded by the crowd. Some bolder students climb onto the crossbar of the goalpost itself.

With a creak and a moan, like falling timber the post is felled, commencing a parade of delirious triumph from the stadium to the Old U.

This exultant response came on the heels of a big break for TU: the end of a long losing streak.

“We were just awful,” recalled alumnus and then-senior Michael Grunewald. “ESPN used to do a bottom ten of college football teams every week, and were consistently there.”

Patrick Cawiezell, who was the homecoming king at the 2002 game, agreed. “I don’t remember how many losses we had, but there were a lot. To my recollection, we hadn’t won a game since the first one of the 2001 season.”

The beginning of the 2002 season saw hope that somehow Tulsa would defy expectations and

See Goalposts page 4

Collegian Archives

On Oct. 26, 2012, TU students stormed the field to tear down the goalpost in celebration of the Hurricane’s victory over the UTEP Miners to break their seventeen-game losing streak.

Reading Partners Reading can change a child’s life! Become a True Blue Neighbors Reading Partner at Kendall-Whittier Elementary, commit to 1 hour a week and a 45 minute training session and you can be the catalyst to launch a child’s education to a higher level.

For additional information on volunteer opportunities, contact Kathy Shelton in the True Blue Neighbor Volunteer Center at kathy-shelton@utulsa.edu or call 918-631-3535.

Sports

28 October 2013

the Collegian : 2

J.Christopher Proctor / Collegian

Left: Trey Watts makes yet another defender miss a tackle late in the first quarter on his 21-yard run following a pass from Tulsa QB Dane Evens. Bottom Right: Tulane defender Jordan Sullen intercepts a pass by Evans intended for Tulsa receiver Jordan James resulting in a touchback for the Green Wave. Top Right: The Tulsa defensive line and the Tulane offensive line get set for the first play following Sullen’s interception.

Turnovers, penalties lead to first TU loss vs Tulane in C-USA

Thursday Oct. 31

W. Soccer M. Basketball

UTSA Clay Hurricane Stadium Courts Champs vs Haskell Indian Nations University

Reynolds Center

7 p.m.

8:05 p.m.

Friday Nov. 1

W. Basketball

vs Rogers State

Volleyball

vs Middle Tennessee State

M. Tennis

California Invitational

W. Tennis

Memphis Collegiate Invitational

Reynolds Center

7 p.m.

Murfreesboro, Tenn.

7:30 p.m.

Manhattan Beach, Calif.

All Day

Memphis, Tenn.

All Day

ian eg oll

All Day

/C

Gulf Shores, Ala.

hip

UAB Fall Beach Blast

ns

W. Golf

ke

Tuesday Oct. 29

lan

The Tulsa Golden Hurricane lost to the Tulane Green Wave 14–7 for only the second loss against Tulane in team history. It was also the first loss for the Hurricane at the Superdome.

Cody Green was unable to play Saturday because of an injury, so redshirt freshman Dane Evans started the game at the quarterback position. Evans first drive as a starting QB ended in a three and out and the following two drives ended with an interception, one of which occurred deep in the Tulane end zone.

Through six games, Tulsa was averaging two and a third turnovers per game, including three games with at least three turnovers. Tulsa added four more turnovers to its total for the season.

Entering the Superdome, Tulsa was the second least-penalized team in the nation

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Sports Editor

Green Wave surged down the field which ended with a 19-yard touchdown pass from Powell to Justyn Shackleford to tie the game at seven only moments before halftime.

Tulsa received to start the second half, but its first drive was unfruitful. Tulane’s first drive of the half was more productive. The Green Wave rushed down the field setting up a 33-yard touchdown pass to Ryan Grant giving it a 14–7 lead over the Golden Hurricane.

That was all Tulane needed to beat Tulsa.

Evans threw his third interception of the day near the end of the third quarter which was caught and downed at the Tulane one yard line

by Lorenzo Doss. Tulsa’s Keevan Lucas also fumbled the ball on a drive halfway through the fourth quarter which was recovered by Tulane, but the Hurricane’s Darnell Walker picked off a pass on the ensuing Green Wave drive.

Tulsa began the drive with 3:45 left in the second half and quickly found itself in a 4th & 5 from the Tulsa nine-yard line. Evans hit Jordan James for the first down to keep the drive alive.

Evans looked for receivers on a 3rd & 12 from the Tulsa 42-yard line then discovered the Tulane defense barreling down on him.

Evans scrambled, but was unable to get away from Tulane’s Royce LaFrance who took down Evans for a loss of 13 yards.

The game was on the line and Tulsa had the ball at its own 29 on 4th & 25. Evans threw the ball to Jordan James, but Sam Scofield was able to step in and break up the play forcing a turnover on downs.

The Green Wave ran the remaining time off the clock to clinch their first and only victory over the Golden Hurricane as members of Conference USA and its first win over Tulsa since 1968.

Tulsa had trouble with turnovers and penalties in the game.

ivi

Will Bramlett

On the Tulane drive resulting from the second interception, Tulsa’s Will Barrow picked off a pass

by Tulane QB Devin Powell at the Tulsa 31 yard line. Barrow ran down to the Tulane five-yard line before being forced out-of-bounds

by Tulane’s Rob Kelley with 1:36 remaining in the first quarter.

The Hurricane, despite fantastic field position thanks to the interception, had trouble running the ball into the end zone. The first quarter ended with Tulsa 4th & goal at the Tulane one-yard line.

Trey Watts made it into the end zone on the first play of the second quarter and Carl Salazar hit the point after attempt to put the Hurricane up 7–0.

A later Tulsa drive stalled in the Tulane red zone forcing the Tulsa field goal unit out onto the field. Salazar missed the 29-yard field goal attempt, his first missed field goal attempt since the season opener at Bowling Green State.

Tulane took over with less than five minutes remaining in the first half at their own 20-yard line. The

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The Golden Hurricane fell to the Tulane Green Wave in the Superdome ending an eight-game win streak for the Hurricane against the Green Wave and giving Tulane their only victory in C-USA play against Tulsa.

averaging less than 20 yards of penalties per game including zero penalties in its previous game against UTEP. Leaving the Superdome, eight penalties were called against Tulsa for 94 yards, some of which as-

sisted in ending Tulsa drives and others helped keep the Tulane offense on the field.

The football team will host the University of Texas at San Antonio Roadrunners at 2:30 p.m. Saturday for homecoming. This will be the Hurricane’s first home game since the 30–27 overtime loss to the Rice Owls on Oct. 5.

Ice hockey season begins at BOK Center

Saturday Nov. 2 Football

vs UTSA

Cross Country

Conference USA Championships

M. Tennis

California Invitational

W. Tennis

Memphis Collegiate Invitational

W. Rowing

Head of the Hooch

H.A. Chapman Stadium

2:30 p.m.

Denton, Texas

All Day

Manhattan Beach, Calif.

All Day

Memphis, Tenn.

All Day

Chattanooga, Tenn.

All Day

Sunday Nov. 3

M. Soccer M. Tennis W. Tennis W. Rowing

vs Florida International California Invitational

Memphis Collegiate Invitational

Head of the Hooch

Hurricane Stadium

4 p.m.

Manhattan Beach, Calif.

All Day

Memphis, Tenn.

All Day

Chattanooga, Tenn.

All Day

Monday Nov. 4

M. Golf

Eagle/Osprey Intercollegiate

Jacksonville, Fla.

All Day

David Kennedy / Collegian

The Tulsa Oilers of the Central Hockey League, a league two rungs below the top-tier National Hockey League, began their season Saturday night against the Allen Americans. 7,667 Tulsans were at the BOK Center for opening night to witness a disappointing 3–2 loss to the defending CHL champion Allen Americans. The Oilers were unable to rebound Sunday afternoon when they played the Americans again in an afternoon game at the BOK Center. The Oilers lost by the same score as the previous night, 3–2.

Sports

the Collegian : 3

28 October 2013

118 years of Tulsa football Jesse Keipp

Student Writer After Rams starting quarterback Sam Bradford tore his ACL in a loss against the Panthers, head coach Jeff Fisher and company suddenly realized that their only option was backup Kellen Clemens, who has thrown nearly twice as many interceptions as touchdowns in his career.

Fearing a lost season, the Rams contacted AARP member (and former NFL quarterback), Brett Favre. In case you don’t remember, Favre notoriously came out of a retirement not once, but twice, since he was more desperate for attention than Miley Cyrus on a wrecking ball.

Somehow resisting the urge for a third comeback at the ripe age of only 44, Favre told SportsTalk 570 in Washington, “It’s flattering, but there’s no way in hell I’m going to do that.” While Favre cited the need for more family time, rumors have circulated that Favre has a lucrative marketing deal in the works with Tranquility adult diapers.

Photo courtesy Flickr

The Rams are in trouble. With the season at risk, their quarterback out and ticket sales falling, they turned to retired football legend Brett Favre, 44, in their time of need. He declined.

Red Sox starting pitcher Jon Lester befuddled the Cardinals in game one of the World Series with a stellar pitching performance.

However, Cardinals minor league pitcher, Tyler Melling, pointed out a mysterious green substance on the inside of Lester’s glove. Nonetheless, the allegations could be neither confirmed nor denied since the game had passed.

Because whatever was on the glove was long gone, MLB would not and could not investigate further. When asked about it, Lester claimed it was just rosin. And regarding the green, he said, “I don’t know what that is. It looks like a giant booger.”

But baseball fans and Disney fans alike have strongly speculated that the substance was indeed Flubber. Derived from “flying rubber,” the super-substance has been known to help the Medfield College basketball team immensely. Flubber would undoubtedly explain Lester’s phenomenal outing.

Photo courtesy Boston Herald

The fall classic started Wednesday night in Boston.

The series has been shrouded in controversy and errors have defined the four games in the best of seven series

Also in World Series news, game three ended in a Cardinals victory … after catcher Jarrod Saltalamacchia tagged out Allen Craig at home. Or so Saltalamacchia thought. In actuality, Craig was granted home after an obstruction call, where third baseman Will Middlebrooks tripped up Craig on his way home. As a viewer, I hadn’t been this confused since the first time I read “Saltalamacchia.”

In a Texas A&M football promotional video, famous partier and coincidental Heisman winner, Johnny Manziel, told fans that he’d like to party with the cocaine-using Charlie Sheen, the shirt-ripping Rob Gronkowski, and the womanizing Tiger Woods.

While Manziel rose to fame because of his notoriously good on-field decision making skills, his notoriously bad off-field decision making skills have made him one of sports’ most polarizing athletes.

Having been too hungover to help out at the Manning football camp this past summer, one can only hope that Manziel doesn’t follow in the footsteps of former NFL QB Ryan Leaf, who is currently serving seven years in prison for burglary, theft, and drug charges.

The University of Tulsa football has a long and storied history lasting well over a century featuring brawls, name changes, dirty plays, bowl victories—and losses.

Steven Buchele Student Writer

Homecoming 2013 celebrates a momentous, if not exactly catchy anniversary: this year marks the 118th year of University of Tulsa football.

TU, then Kendall College in Muskogee, Oklahoma, had its first game in the fall of 1895 against its then cross-town rivals from Bacone School for Indians. The first years of TU football the team was coached by Norman Leard, a transfer student, and populated with members of the Creek, Choctaw and Cherokee tribes. The first few games of football were brutish and barely organized.

Volunteer officials had to break up, or participate in, fistfights and brawls.

Most early games either went unrecorded or the scores have since been lost, but according to Robert Rutland, author of “The Golden Hurricane: Fifty years of football at the University of Tulsa,” Kendall’s record was good. The Kendall football team played on and off until the school moved to Tulsa and the team came under the care of a Tulsa banker Sam McBriney.

With both the school and the game still in a state of transition, the Kendall College had a couple of odd years until Sam McBriney became the school’s permanent coach for the 1914–1916 seasons. The banker-turnedcoach lead three highly successful years for the Tulsa team, culminating with the 1916 year where the team went undefeated.

The pure dominating power that the Kendall team commanded during those years is best illustrated by the school’s use of the

“tower play” in a game against Missouri School of the Mines. The play, which is said to have never worked in practice, consisted of Virgil Jones and Madison Blevins sprinting down the field where Jones would climb atop Blevins and receive the ball from quarterback Ivan Grove (who, in addition to being a full-time student, was also a math instructor). Even though the play was just icing on the cake for a 117–0 victory, it was certainly a sight to behold, and was quickly banned. Another rousing accomplishment for the 1916 team was beating the University of Oklahoma, breaking a 34-game win streak and becoming the first Oklahoma school to beat the Sooners.

During the 1917 and 1918 seasons Kendall’s team suffered two off years due mostly to the first world war siphoning players from the team and coaches from the staff.

However the team returned with a vengeance when Francis Schmidt returned from the war. What followed were another four dominating years for the Kendall team, two of which the team went undefeated.

After the school changed its name to the University of Tulsa on Feb. 8, 1921 and Schmidt left the team for Arkansas in 1922, Howard Archer took the reigns of the TU team.

It was Howard Archer who eventually gave Tulsa it’s name “The Golden Hurricane.” As the team started its 1922 season the team changed its previous orange and black uniforms for black and yellow. The team was called, amongst other things, “The Yellow Jackets” Archer recognized a need to increase the teams publicity. Inspired by the work of a student reporter, he sought to give the team an official name. Originally Archer’s choice had been “The Golden Tornado” however Georgia Tech had already claimed that name. Just before the 1922 game against Texas A&M the team voted to

Targeting rule well intended, poorly implemented The NCAA is trying to reduce dangerous tackles with its new targeting rule, but implementation has been overly broad, unfairly penalizing some teams.

Liz Cohen

Business Manager

College football season is in full swing.

Week 8 has come and gone, and the first BCS rankings of the season have been released. While the rankings usually stir up some controversy, arguably the most controversial topic in college football this season has been the NCAA’s update to its targeting rule.

In 2008, NCAA’s football rules committee passed a targeting rule stating that any contact initiated with the crown of the helmet or any contact to the head or neck area of a defenseless player would result in a 15-yard penalty. In 2013, the committee added a clause requiring any player guilty of targeting to be ejected from the game and disqualified for the remainder of the game, or if the penalty occurs in the second half, for the remainder of the game and the first half of the next game.

While the targeting rule has good intentions, its implementation has led to more headaches than anyone anticipated. Referees are calling targeting left and right in situations where the call was extremely questionable. On the plus side, the play can be reviewed, and the ejections can be overturned. However, the team is left to suffer a 15-yard penalty, even if the call is over-

turned. If the ejection is overturned, then the team should not have to suffer through the 15-yard loss. It’s an unfair punishment to a team that has done nothing wrong.

Though a player being ejected can definitely put a damper on a game and change the outcome, an unnecessary 15-yard penalty can hold the same weight in make-orbreak moments in games. For example, an overturned targeting call in the fourth quarter of the Georgia-Vanderbilt game put Vanderbilt on Georgia’s 15-yard line with a first down instead of what would have originally been a turnover on downs, allowing Vanderbilt to score a touchdown that eventually led to a victory. Had the 15 yards been given back to Georgia, it would have been Georgia’s ball, and the momentum and trajectory of the game would likely have ended in a victory for the Bulldogs.

If the targeting rule is going to continue to exist, it needs to be redefined for easier interpretation. Referees this season are making guesses and calling targeting because of their golden rule, “When in doubt, throw the flag.” If targeting is going to be a foul, its definition needs to be more solid.

There are situations in football where hitting with the crown of the helmet is inevitable, like in the matchup between Missouri and Florida where Florida safety Cody Riggs was ejected in the first play of the game for targeting on a tackle when Missouri receiver L’Damian Washington was coming down from midair with the ball.

There was no way that situation could have been avoided if Riggs was going to make the tackle, yet he suffered the consequences anyway.

There need to be exceptions to the rule to ensure fair calls are made. Furthermore, the NCAA needs to consider the possibility of returning lost yards after penalties such as targeting are overturned. The call a referee makes in a crucial moment can destroy a game in a heartbeat, and targeting is that call this season.

call themselves “The Golden Hurricane” as it seemed the next logical option after “The Golden Tornado.”

After two losing years, Archer stepped down and Elmer Henderson took the reigns of the Golden Hurricane after leaving the University of Souther California. The first coach to receive anything like a lucrative contract, “Gloomy Gus” (as Henderson was known; he gave pessimistic interviews) lead the Hurricane to winning seasons for nearly a decade.

For many years, home football games had been played on McNulty Park, a stadium built for Tulsa’s professional baseball team which meant that the field was uneven and too short, requiring teams to reach the goal line once, and then reset on the 10-yard line to score. These factors came to a head in a game against Detroit University in 1928 which ultimately led to the construction Skelly Stadium, opened in 1930 for the season opener against TU’s long time rival the University of Arkansas.

Eventually in 1941 TU welcomed Henry Frnka as coach who was one of TU’s most successful coaches helping take TU to five consecutive New Year’s Bowl Games, the first school ever to do so. Tulsa finished the second year of the run No. 4 in the nation, losing only to Tennessee in the Sugar Bowl and a chance at the claim of the national title. In a twist of irony the third bowl in the streak was against the school that stole the “Golden Tornado” moniker, Georgia Tech, then called the “Yellow Jackets.” But Tulsa was not able to avenge the theft of its rightful name: the Hurricane lost 20–18. The next year, though, the team returned the favor by beating Georgia Tech 24–17 in the Orange Bowl.

Frnka was replaced by Coach Brothers who, despite being born without a left hand, lead the team for six mostly victorious years including one Bowl Game in 1952, generally considered one of TU’s best teams ever.

TU had in the beginning tended to be an air-minded team, but that went out of fashion until Coach Glen Dobbs, a player during the Frnka years, brought the passing game back to Tulsa when he took the position in 1961. Under Dobbs, TU had two backto-back Heisman Trophy runner ups: Jerry Rhome and Howard Twilley who together broke the NCAA records for offense, passing, receiving, and scoring. Yet the next year Billy Anderson, Rhomes’ replacement, broke most of Rhomes’ own records and took the team to another bowl game.

In 1982 neither Tulsa’s nor New Mexico’s 10–1 record was enough to draw a bowl game invitation. The teams demanded justice. The justice they received was “The Justice Bowl,” a fictitious “War of the Worlds” style play-by-play broadcast on local radio stations. If you were listening in Tulsa, the home team won, while if you tuned in from New Mexico, the Hurricane lost.

1989 pitted Tulsa against the Oregon Ducks in the Independence Bowl which collapsed into a heartbreaking loss for Tulsa by three points despite an incredibly valiant effort by the Golden Hurricane. However, Tulsa returned to a bowl game in 1991 and pulled off a win against San Diego State, netting a 10-win season for the year.

In 2003, Tulsa’s new coach Steve Kragthorpe produced a winning season and a bowl game appearance for the first time in 11 years. In 2004, Ashlan Davis became the first player to score a touchdown on a kickoff return five times. In 2005 Tulsa became part of the Conference USA, and proceeded to win the C-USA West division and beating UCF in the first C-USA Championship Game to earn a spot in the Liberty Bowl where the Hurricane beat the Fresno State Bulldogs 31–24 on New Years Eve. The year after Kragthorpe left, TU broke 29 school records, 15 C-USA records and four NCAA records and lead the nation in total offence with 543.9 yards per game.

The team produced the largest margin of victory in a NCAA bowl game with a win over Bowling Green.

Bill Blankenship became the head coach in 2011. Last season, TU won 11 games, lost three games, won the Conference USA Championship and beat Iowa State in the Liberty Bowl.

News and Notes •

The Kansas City Chiefs led by quarterback Alex Smith and head coach Andy Reid, both brought in over the summer, are the only remaining undefeated team in the NFL. The Chiefs, 8–0, finished last season 2–14, tied for last in the league with the Jacksonville Jaguars.

•

The St. Louis Cardinals and the Boston Red Sox tied at two games a piece in the World Series. Game five of the best of seven series is Monday night at 6:30 p.m. in St. Louis and game six will be 6:30 p.m. on Wednesday night in Boston. Should a seventh game be necessary, it will be played Thursday night at 6:30 p.m. in Boston. All games will be broadcast on FOX23 in Tulsa.

•

Game three of the 2013 World Series was the first game in MLB Postseason history to end on an obstruction or interference error, per the Elias Sports Bureau.

NEWS

28 OCTOBER 2013

Annual run benefits Tulsa area charities This year’s Tulsa run attracted nearly tenthousand participants in its 2k, 5k and 15k races.

Olivia Blankenship Student Writer

Last Saturday, approximately ten thousand runners from all over the world gathered in downtown Tulsa to participate in the Tulsa Run, one of Oklahoma’s largest and most historic races.

The race takes place the weekend before Halloween every year and has, over the years, gained an immense amount of support from the community. The Tulsa Run has been voted “Best Race” in Tulsa People Magazine’s A-List awards.

The annual Tulsa Run began in 1978 and, until last year, operated solely on the work and dedication of thousands of volunteers.

Last year, the Tulsa Sports Commision (located at 2 W Second St.) took control of the race in an effort to grow and make the race as successful as possible.

Matt Stockman, communications manager for the Tulsa Sports Commission commented that “this event encompasses both the passion for running and giving back to the community.” The run is a large philanthropic event that represents the Tulsa community.

Each year, a beneficiary is recognized and awarded a $25,000 check. This year, the race organizers chose The Community Food Bank of Eastern Oklahoma. In addition, ten other charities are listed as beneficiaries.

Upon registration, participants are given the chance to donate to these charities. The Tulsa Sports Commission will match up to five dollars of each donation made.

Most of the Tulsa Run’s participants and volunteers come from the Greater Tulsa Area. Every year, they appoint local “celebrity runners.” This year, those roles were given to Tulsa Public Schools Superintendent Dr. Keith Ballard and Jenks Superintendent Stacey Butterfield.

Although it is a community

From Cane cover

By the beginning of the following year, he had received one, though “Herc”, as he was referred to then, had already entered into rough waters. A photo of Herc with his mane sheared into a flat top graced the paper with the caption: “Herc the Hurricane had to be sent back to California to be made lighter so that one person could handle it.”

This would be the first of many trials for Tulsa’s mascot.

By the early-80s, calls were being made to replace the “Golden Hurricane” label altogether, especially Huffy, as Herc became to be known. In 1984, alumni groups and students began campaigning for a change. The TU Polar Bears and the TU Tunas were among the popular suggestions, but the campaign went nowhere.

Then, in 1987, the efforts for change became directed exclusively at Huffy. “A movement is afoot to dump Huffy as our school mascot” an article in mid-Sep-

miles) but it also features a 5k (3.1 miles) and a 2k (1.2 miles) fun run, to allow for diversity of all ages and abilities.

The race begins at 7th and Boulder, giving the participants a tour of downtown, taking them

down Riverside Drive and finishing downtown just past Boston Avenue Church. The winner of the 15k race this year was Kenyan native Julius Kogo from Chapel Hill NC with a time of 43:24 (a 4:40 per mile pace).

go to a game, but you didn’t have to stay the whole game,” recalled Cawiezell. “You’d watch a while, you’d hang out with your friends, but eventually the game wouldn’t be going that well and then you’d leave.”

From this climate of despondency arose the idea to tear down the goalpost at the next victory, if it occurred, as a reformation of Tulsa school spirit.

“To the best of my recollection, people had discussed the idea before the game, especially in the fraternity house, but I don’t recall there being a definitive plan,” explained Grunewald. “It was something I didn’t believe would happen until it was actually happening.”

Cawiezell identified an article in the Collegian as the source of the idea. “I might be wrong, but I think it was Tre Coleman who initially had suggested, in a Collegian op-ed or sports section … that when TU won a game, the students would rush the field.”

Indeed, whether or not he was

the source of the idea, Coleman did indeed make an impassioned plea to the student body in a sports opinion piece printed the week before the game.

“TU can no longer afford apathy on the part of its students,” he wrote. “Go to the game, wear the colors, paint-up, show that TU has fans too. And if we win, stream onto the field in a sea of blue and tear the goalposts down. March around the stadiums with them held high in triumph. There is no greater symbol of school spirit than that.”

It was an act embraced by both students and staff.

“They could have very easily stopped the students, the administration,” said Cawiezell. “If they had wanted to stop it they could have easily done so, but they very clearly turned a blind eye to the whole proceedings.”

Students all joined together to tear down the goalpost on the north end of the field. But they didn’t stop there.

“The goalposts were carried out of the stadium and carried all the

way to the U,” recalled Cawiezell, “even to the bonfire ring.”

“I remember my roommate, Darren Croley, who at the time was SA president,” said Grunewald.

“He was up on the goalpost crossbar, had climbed up underneath and wrapped his arms around it almost like he was doing a pullup; and when the goalpost, coming down, snapped, it popped him in the face and cracked his teeth!”

Unfortunately, the homecoming game was the only bright spot in a season that ended in much the same manner that it began. Tulsa finished the season with a culminative record of 1-11. However, the 2002 season proved to be the last of a “dark era” in Tulsa football.

“The following year the team had a winning record and even played a bowl game in Boise, Idaho,” remembered Cawiezell.

Explaining this turnaround, both Grunewald and Cawiezell placed emphasis on the impact of a gradual building of a football culture at Tulsa conducive to student participation.

“Things started to turn around a bit, the culture around games started to change, they started to build a tailgating culture,” Cawiezell recounted. “Tents and the like were completely foreign concept to anyone in 2001–2002 season.”

“It’s been an organic process,” stated Grunewald, who went on to work for the athletic department upon graduation. “Back in 2002, there was no tailgating atmosphere, and no tailgating avenue, either. Even the first year when we offered tailgate alley, there wasn’t much interest; when we first started we would run a long extension cable down from the window coach’s second floor office to the commons in order to have some TV, and to be honest, it looked terrible. Now, thankfully, each tailgate has electricity and cable hook-up.”

“The culture now is healthier than ever,” said Cawiezell. “The atmosphere is so different, you almost couldn’t compare the two eras, then and now; they were completely different, all-around.”

tember read. The SA senate had mailed flyers to students during the summer notifying of an impending election for a new mascot.

Huffy was not to be included. Later in September, The Collegian included a ballot titled “Help Heave Huffy.”

The results heralded TD the Tasmanian Devil the winner with 123 votes. The runner-up, with 45 votes, was Sammy the Squid and third place went to a Golden Retriever.

Despite The Collegian’s confidence in the election’s decisiveness, Taz’ victory was contested.

Only 365 votes had been cast, and SA Senate investigated the results, which were ultimately declared invalid by the University Executive Board.

Even up to April 1988, the special University Mascot Committee discussed the Huffy question, when they proposed a compromise: the creation of a second character to complement a new and improved Huffy. This new

partner’s name was to be Captain ‘Cane, a weathered, old sailor sporting a harpoon.

Yet nothing came of the proposal save for the introduction Captain ‘Cane’s name into TU’s collective consciousness. In Autumn of 1989, The Collegian ran a feature titled: “Despite previous controversy, no plans to heave Huffy in near future.”

The feverish campaign against Huffy had died down, but Huffy was only in the eye of the storm.

After 1987 the exhaustive coverage of the Huffy controversy died down. The Collegian gradually began to refer to Huffy as Captain ‘Cane without any documentation of the change. Later, in 2003, Huffy is said to have been quietly retired “in the mid-90s”, though the change was not revolutionary.

The anthropomorphic hurricane remained mascot, but modifications in his design made him tougher and more muscular. He also received a jersey, basketball

shorts and a cape. Still, the occasional committee, like that of 2003, was formed to discuss a complete overhaul, and still, the hurricane seemed invulnerable.

The administration was even confident enough in 2006 to plaster a stylized Captain ‘Cane brandishing his Brobdingnagian biceps on the newly commissioned shuttle buses.

But suddenly in 2009, Huffy truly became Captain ‘Cane. A complete departure from the anthropomorphic hurricane design was approved by the administration. The new concept: a superhero with bulging chin and confident smile, fully human and clad in a blue and gold super suit with a hurricane warning flag flowing as a cape.

Captain ‘Cane became in essence the mascot he is today, though in 2012, the costume was reworked to include a more defined cleft-chin and a modified suit. For now, Captain ‘Cane is secure in his current form.

The student, who had suffered an ankle injury in their dorm room, did not wish to be transported to a local hospital.

marijuana and paraphernalia were destroyed.

reopened.

Oct. 19 Oct. 18 1:10 A resident of Brown Village reported a window had been shattered on their vehicle parked in the lot.

3:10 Officers conducted a party shutdown at a Norman Village apartment due to receiving a noise complaint and violation of Quiet Hours. Five guests were asked to leave and a welfare check was completed.

9:05 Officers and EMSA responded to Fisher West for an injured student.

Logan Miller / Collegian

Participants exit the gate for the 5k fun run accompanying this year’s Tulsa Run. The 5k allows for runners representing a range of abilities to participate in this philanthropic event.

event, over the years the race has attracted runners from all over the nation. This year, one runner traveled from Sweden to race with Ballard, one of the 2013 celebrity runners.

The Tulsa Run is a 15k race (9.3

From Goalposts cover for many students was that you’d

present a respectable record, redeeming the efforts of the previous year.

“There is no question that everyone on the University of Tulsa campus, as well as our many distinguished alumni, expect our football team to put on a much better show than last years’ dismal 1-10 campaign,” wrote Collegian sports editor Jimmy Hart in 2002.

However, by the time of the Homecoming game against UTEP, the University of Tulsa Golden Hurricane were the proud owners of the nation’s longest Division I losing streak, having lost seventeen consecutive games. The team and student supporters were in desperate need of a boost in morale.

While Tulsa student participation and support of athletics was common at the time, especially in basketball, the poor results of the football team did little to foster an enthusiastic atmosphere around football games.

“Culture around a football game

the Collegian : 4

16:00 Officers and Housing officials recovered alcohol in a LaFortune Hall room after conducting an administrative search. The student is not of legal age to possess alcohol and admitted ownership.

23:40 A Housing official reported discovering 2 students who had been smoking marijuana behind the 5th Pl. House.

An administrative search was conducted in the 5th Pl. resident’s room (who admitted possessing the marijuana).

Officers recovered a small amount of marijuana and paraphernalia for personal use. The

23:40 An employee turned over a case containing eyeglasses to Security at Mabee Gym. Oct. 21 12:30 A contract employee was observed by an Officer taking a bottled drink from the Juice Bar at Collins Fitness. The employee admitted to taking the drink without paying for it when stopped and questioned by Officers.

13:05 Officers responded to a fire alarm at the 5th Pl. House. Upon arrival, Officers were able to determine that a resident overcooked food in a microwave setting off the smoke detector. No injuries or damage was reported and the building was

Oct. 23 16:38 Officers and EMSA responded to the Collins Fitness Center after a student passed out and struck their head causing a laceration. EMSA transported the student to a local hospital for further treatment.

Oct. 24 13:30 Officers and EMSA responded to Lottie Jane Mabee Hall after a student lost fainted (sic) and complained of stomach pains.

EMSA transported the student to a local hospital for further treatment.

14:30 Officers responded to a fire alarm at the Delta Delta Delta sorority.

Upon arrival, Officers determined

Collegian Archives

Miss Tornado, a baton-whirling mascot of the TU band elected anually beginning in the 1950’s, represents one of TU’s lesser known storm-themed mascots.

that a resident had burned popcorn in a microwave setting off the smoke detector. No injuries or damage were reported and the building was reopened.

17:28 Officers responded to the LPC after a student reported money was taken from their purse. The victim was able to give the description of a suspect and Officers located the suspect, an 11 year old juvenile, in the building.

Tulsa Police were contacted and the Tulsa Police Officer recovered items from the juvenile to implicate him as the suspect. The victim did not wish to press charges against the juvenile and Tulsa Police returned the juvenile to his parents.

The Collegian does not produce or edit the Campus Crime Watch except for content and brevity.

NEWS

the Collegian : 5

Eye on the world:

Magdalena Sudibjo Staff Writer

North America MEXICO Clowns at the 17th International

Clown Convention in Mexico City last week denied claims that one of their members took part in the killing of former drug cartel leader Francisco Rafael Arellano Felix that occurred the previous Friday.

The gunmen responsible were dressed as clowns when they shot

28 OCTOBER 2013

Felix during a private children’s party.

“The people who do that, they’re not clowns. I can swear on my mother’s grave it wasn’t a clown,” Tomas Morales, a participant of the convention, told Associated Press news agency.

According to Morales, many criminals often steal clown costumes to use as a disguise for other misdeeds.

Last Wednesday, about five hundred clowns held a fifteen minute laugh-a-ton to protest against violence in Mexico. Next year’s convention will be hosted in Orlando, Florida.

Middle East iRAN The Iranian Justice Minister Mostafa Pourmohammadi said last

Economics professor collects archival works

Dr. Scott Carter will publish a collection of archival material on Italian economist Piero Sraffa this spring in hopes of illuminating Sraffa’s unique ideas.

Kimberly Poff Staff Writer

Social Science. The very way in which we refer to studies attempting to dissect the modes of human experience carries with it a values judgement: that empiricism is better, that social studies should be held to the same standards of numerical certainty as their natural science brethren.

No discipline has suffered from physics envy quite so intensely as economics. As such the prevailing modus operandi of the entire field has been utility maximization.

This is a method of distilling the functioning of persons within the economy to “homo economus,” the wholly rational, wholly informed, wholly self-serving person.

If people can be assumed to be entirely logical in, knowledgeable about and self-centered in their decisions, economists can develop carefully calculated models of the economy using complex mathematics.

Several economists throughout history have challenged this: noting that customers can be swayed by advertising, are ill-informed or make decisions based on morals or altruism. Unfortunately their works have been shunted to the sidelines.

One such theorist is Piero Sraffa, an Italian who did a majority of his work at Cambridge. His largest work was the editing of eleven

volumes of “The Works and Correspondence of David Ricardo.”

His other works include a criticism of Marshallian partial equilibrium, a 99-page monograph which deals with value and distribution. If you think all of this sounds a little obscure, you’re not alone.

Dr. Scott Carter, an economics professor here at TU, is working to bring Sraffa’s work to light. Carter was on sabbatical last semester and was able to spend two months at Trinity College where he was able to collect ten thousand pages of archival material that contributed to Sraffa’s slim book.

In collaboration with Riccardo Bellofiore, an Italian scholar, Carter will be publishing a book of some of Sraffa’s archival work next year. Carter hopes his book will flesh out the discussion in economics today.

“By bringing Sraffa’s archival material to light we can hopefully ‘re-shunt’ economics away from its ideological position of defending so-called ‘free-markets’ and ‘free-enterprise’ as the ‘ideal type,’” Carter said.

One of the largest problems in economics today is it’s inability to describe the world we live and work in. Frequently, in order to maintain standards of precision and numerical rigor, economists must focus on problems too small to be of import. Otherwise their analyses are sufficiently vague to suffice any fortune teller’s needs.

“Much of what is seen as ‘economics’ these days is dismally ineffective in explaining much of the empirical reality of modern capitalistic systems,” said Carter.

Another facet of the importance of this research comes from growing economic inequality in the

U.S. economy and in the world.

Economics has found itself in an ideological position which is hard to defend to growing numbers of the world’s poor. Sraffa’s work will help to “move towards a better understanding of the actual system in which we live and work, and the actual mechanism within which they operate,” said Carter, “especially when certain strata of the populace have a more violent experience with the ‘magic of the market’ than others.”

The economics department at TU is known for swimming against the current and encouraging students to explore theories which may not be as mathematically precise, but do a better job of describing the way the economy actually functions. It is one of the only programs in the country requiring a history of economics class which explores the context in which various theories were developed.

Fellow economics professor Bobbie Horn has helped Carter develop his perspective on economics. In conjunction with Michael Lawlora, Horn published a seminal work in the early nineties regarding the theory of money and Sraffa’s conversations with the enigmatic Friederich von Hayek.

“I have greatly benefited from many hours of discussions over the years,” said Carter of Horn’s influence.

Aside from a pocket of interest from students and professors at the University of Missouri, Kansas City, many of the scholars focussed on Sraffa hail from Europe.

Dr. Carter is one of the foremost experts on the late economist and presented some of his work last week at a Conference in Kansas City.

Solve the puzzle, seek the truth Puzzle 1 (Medium, difficulty rating 0.60)

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GREAT BRITAIN A violin that was believed to have been played by Wallace Hartley in the Titanic was sold at a London auction for over $1.4 million in just ten minutes, more than tripling the estimated selling price and setting a record.

Henry Aldridge and Song, the auction house that specializes in antiques related to the Titanic, said that specialists have conducted extensive tests for several years to authenticate the instrument, which was rediscovered in 2006.

Popular legend holds that Hartley and seven other musicians played their instruments to calm passengers when the Titanic started to sink on the night of April 14, 1912. The violin was found strapped to the musician when his body was discovered more than a week later.

“This figure is going to be hard to beat,” said expert collector Craig Sopin. “I can’t think of anything else that is more iconic to come off that ship.”

Collegian sends team to conference

Nikki Hager / Collegian

Collegian staffers Fraser Kastner, Will Bramlet, Witt Womack, J. Christopher Proctor, Conor Fellin, Kyle Walker, Morgan Krueger, Olivia Blankenship (Top, left to right), Nikki Hager, Anna Bennett and Patrick Creedon (Bottom, left to right) pose in front of New Orleans’ Superdome on their trip to New Orleans for the 92nd Annual National College Media Convention, sponsored by the Associated Collegiate Press and the College Media Association. During the conference, the staff learned about layout, editing and reporting; cheered the Hurricane on in its game against Tulane; and explored the Big Easy.

The staff members hope they can apply their newfound skills to produce another successful year of papers after placing among the top three papers in the nation for schools of five thousand or less students, according to the Society of Professional Journalists.

Homecoming Week Schedule Homecoming Week Schedule From the famous street-painting contest to the new 90’s dance party, the Student Association has a number of events planned for homecoming. Listed below are their dates, times and locations.

Oct. 27:

Kick-off party, 6­–8 p.m., Great Hall B

Oct. 29:

Street painting, 6–9 p.m., Eigth Street

Oct. 30:

90’s dance party, 9–11 p.m., Harwell Field

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Women activists in Saudi Arabia are protesting the ban on women drivers for the third time in recent history by blatantly driving cars around their cities.

Hundreds of women and even some men across the country have posted several videos online of women driving.

In 1990, all of the women who first protested the ban lost their jobs and were socially disgraced.

Two years ago, another attempt ended when police arrested the female drivers.

“No one has been given orders from higher up saying that, if you catch a woman in a car physically driving, then you have to detain her,” activist Sara Hussein recently told NPR. Police officers, however, will ticket any drivers without a license, and licenses are almost impossible for women to get inside the country.

Europe

Live bingo and trivia night, 8–10 p.m., Mayo SAC

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The ultimate decision whether or not to abolish the ban is up to King Abdullah, who has said he was sympathetic to the cause. His recent decision to appoint thirty women to the new Consultative Assembly signals an optimistic future for those fighting for gender equality in the country.

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Tuesday that convicted drug smuggler Alireza who survived his first hanging earlier this month “will not be re-executed.”

According to local media, Alireza was considered dead after being hanged for twelve minutes. His family discovered him a day later still breathing in the prison mortuary, after which he was moved to the hospital where he is reportedly still in a coma and under police guard.

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Courtesy OpenSky Sudoku Generator Generated by http://www.opensky.ca/~jdhildeb/software/sudokugen/ on Mon Oct 28 05:32:43 2013 GMT. Enjoy!

The answer, my friend, is blowin’ in the wind.

Oct. 31:

Pep rally, 6:30–7:30 p.m., Chapman Stadium Men’s basketball exhibition game, 8–9:30 p.m., Reynolds Center

Nov. 1:

Student and alumni breakfast, 9–11 a.m., Sharp Plaza Homecoming Bonfire, 7:30 p.m., Dietler Commons Taste of TU, 7:30 p.m., Dietler Commons

Nov. 2:

Tailgate, noon–2 p.m., Dietler Commons

variety

28 October 2013

the Collegian : 6

Gotta buy ’em all: entertaining “Pokémon X/Y” advances series From developer Game Freak comes the latest installment in the Pokémon franchise, “Pokémon X/Y” which features a number of new additions to the series, including beautiful graphics, that further immerse the player into the world of Pokémon.

Steven Buchele Staff Writer

“Pokémon X” and “Pokémon Y” introduce a lot of new, and many long overdue, additions to the game—the most immediate of which is a massive upgrade in graphics. “Pokémon X” and “Pokémon Y” are the first major Pokémon games designed specifically for the 3DS and are the first to use 3D graphics.

These games are beautiful. Developer Game Freak has done an excellent job of making almost every part of this game visually appealing. The models and rendering style, while completely different from previous games, are still carried out in the same style, so the game still feels like a Pokémon game.

Although the game looks beautiful, there are problems with the graphics. Despite being designed for the 3DS, the majority of the game is not actually in 3D, and what is in 3D is not very spectacular.

Moreover, the battles—which is where most of the 3D graphics are utilized—can lag noticeably. Instead of spending copious amounts of time programing the ability to sit on benches (which admittedly is pretty cool), Game Freak should have spent more time making sure

the game did not lag during some of the most exciting battles Pokémon fans have ever experienced.

Another major change to the game has been the addition of two new Pokémon types to the traditional types featured in previous games—the fairy type and megaevolutions. The fairy type basically exists for one reason, to kill dragons.

Admittedly the dragon type had been previously mishandled, and all the new fairy Pokémon (and old Pokémon that have been retyped) are actually a lot of fun.

However, the dragon matchup for fairies does not have the same intuitiveness of the previous type matchups. If Game Freak was going to update the type matchups, there were certainly other types they might have begun working with first.

As for mega-evolutions, these super-powered forms of previous beloved (or forgotten) Pokémon are definitely a shoutout to older fans. However, having an awesome Mega-Charizard comes at a price: brand new Pokémon. In total, there are 69 completely new Pokémon in the sixth generation.

That is 26 new lines, eight singlestage species and one new evolution for Eevee, for those counting at home.

It is likely that the best thing about “Pokémon X” and “Pokémon Y” is the attention that was spent on making this game social, even for those unlucky people who are unable to find a community of trainers to play with. Unlike previous games, “The Player Search System” makes online and wireless play much easier.

Unfortunately, it seems that in order to have fun trading and battling random people online, gamers had to sacrifice an enjoyable post-game experience. Battling, trading and collecting Friend Safaris (gamer codes for making friends) is about all there is to do once the Elite Four has been beat-

en, which is a disappointment after the Battle Frontiers of previous generations.

“Pokémon X” and “Pokémon Y” are entertaining games for both new and old fans of the franchise. The first four routes alone have nearly one hundred Pokémon, chosen from each of the various generations, so there is a lot of nostalgia in simply moving through the first hours of the game. (Like catching a Zigzagoon, the first Pokémon I ever caught).

This model also serves as a great introduction for gamers new to the franchise.

Furthermore, there is quite a bit to hold a gamer’s attention while playing through the game. Most of the gym challenges are amusing, and nearly every character in the game will have an item of some kind to give the player. As for the plot, the mystery behind the megaevolutions overshadows the game.

Unfortunately, aside from a really good ending, the story is one of the weakest points of the game.

The major enemies in the game are uninspiring, and the legendary Pokémon are hardly incorporated into the plot at all. This is a major disappointment, as the legendaries represent life, death and order, which could have led to fascinating developments in the plot.

Overall “Pokémon X” and “Pokémon Y” are two great games, and they do some things particularly well—like incorporating the social element—yet, the production of the games suffered from a misdirection of energies.

Developer Game Freak maintained fantastic attention to detail and produced an entertaining and graphically beautiful game, however important aspects, such as the plot, the lag issue, the disappointing number of new Pokémon and a rather nasty glitch that breaks the game, did not get the attention they deserved.

Cults’ latest an enjoyable follow-up

Although Cults’ most recent album, “Static,” does not maintain the appeal of the band’s self-titled debut, the album’s distinct mood shift and added intricacies lend themselves to the composition of a successful follow-up album.

Nicholas Foster Student Writer

One of the hardest feats in modern-day music is creating a worthy follow-up to a breakthrough first album. There is pressure to do the seemingly impossible: the band must both grow and change, while retaining the same short-list of positives that propelled the first record to success.

It is a trick many bands find themselves unable to turn (looking at you, Sleigh Bells), especially those who may-or-may-not have pigeonholed themselves the way twee-pop ministars Cults did on their eponymous debut. Luckily, their newly-released “Static” claws out just enough good moments to be classified as a success, temporarily absolving them from one-and-done infamy.

The most important note to be made about “Static” is the distinct mood change from its predecessor.

That’s because “Static” is, quite literally, a breakup album—Cults’ two members, Madeline Follin and Brian Oblivion, split up after months of touring in support of “Cults,” their first release. The cloud that hangs over “Static,” both in the production and the makeup of the songs themselves, makes the whole record feel slightly woozy.

It is clear that “Static” is more than just a title here: it’s a musical goal. In an interview with

Pitchfork Media, an online music publication, Oblivion explained, “When we were making this record, we put a couple of broken TVs on the mixing board and we’d turn the lights off, stare at them, and listen to the songs to see if the glow felt right.” And true to form, much of the album is hazier than anything Cults has done before.

Opener “I Know,” for instance, is a minute and a half of dreamy guitar echo layered under Follin’s too-sweet soprano, quickly reaching untouched levels of psychadelia. It quickly gives way to the ferocious fist-pounding “I Can Hardly Make You Mine,” which has all the requisite thump-thumpthump you could want out of a lead single, playing background (and sometimes upstaging) Follin in all her lovesick glory.

Follin’s voice continues to be bubblegum-indie gold, but “Static” downplays the natural sugar in her voice in an effort to darken the mood. This has a couple of sideeffects: most noticeably, it makes it almost impossible to understand what she is saying, but even more importantly it helps play up the full-band dynamic that “Static” brings to the table—an element “Cults” certainly did not have; it sounded very much like a record made by two lovers and a computer.

It is difficult to overstate the impact of having real drums on every song on the album, drums that thunder and crunch and mercilessly get in the way. On songs like “So Far” and “Shine a Light,” the drums are very nearly the main instrument, a focal point instead of a backing track. The bass, too, carries much of the melodic burden, with slick motion that gives many of the songs (“High Road,” the aforementioned “I Can Hardly Make You Mine”) depth and character.

That is not to say “Static” is without a good share of growing pains. There is not a hook here that matches the sheer brilliance of the first album, which was basically a

masterclass in combining catchiness with quality. Consistency is an issue as well—not only are there a couple of throwaways here, like the clichéd “Keep Your Head Up” or the forgettable “We’ve Got It,” but the songs very rarely wow from beginning to end.

In addition, the reason for obscuring Follin’s vocals may be twofold. The lyrics here are largely just okay, sometimes conveying the frustrated lovelorn sentiments of youth, but often coming off as merely half-baked. It ends up not being too much of a drawback due to her gorgeous delivery and the unintelligibility of her words, but it is not in the album’s favor, either.

Another interesting development is their loss of complete originality, which is not necessarily a negative or positive. “Cults” seemed as though it was created in a vacuum—there did not seem to be a lot of good comparisons to what it sounded like, because no one had made a record quite that relentlessly sunny, even at it’s darkest moments.

On the other hand, “Static” is now moving onto trodden ground; in the middle of “High Road” comes four bars that sound airlifted out of an XX album, “Were Before” starts out unintentionally mimicking The National, and throughout, the whole of the album feels a little like it has been done before. This may dock them some points in the short term, but it does not have to. It is still a strong standalone record, regardless of how it may reference its contemporaries.

In the end, “Static” does not have the appeal that many might have expected after such a dynamic debut. But the band seems to be in a better position now than ever, having successfully dodged a true sophomore slump by adding intricacies while maintaining its pop sensibilities. If only all breakups were this enjoyable.

By Anna Bennett

Ways to Show School Spirit Your school is a bit like a marriage. It’s at least a 4-year commitment, and it has its ups and its downs.

And just like a marriage, sometimes one’s loyalty must be renewed and reconfirmed in an expensive and self-conscious way.

I’m talking of course about homecoming. Here are ten ways how you, too, can show your future alma mater just how much you care.

1. When singing in the shower, replace “Call Me Maybe” with the Alma Mater.

2. Only go to unpopular sports’ games. Paint yourself blue and be psychotically excited at softball games. “WOOO!!

Row, Row, Row your boat, ladies!!!”

3. Obsess over Goldie and make sure all your nonTU friends are aware that YOUR school has a golden retriever. Who also now has a car, apparently.

4. Fill your everyday conversations with TU-related puns.

“Thunderstorm? You mean a Tulsa Hurricane?” or

“I think the U.S. should go back to the gold standard… or should I say, the Golden Hurricane standard?”

5. Actually learn the lyrics to the fight song. Apparently we have one.

6. Spend hours doing your course evaluations; it’s an investment in future generations of students, and another way to avoid doing actual work.

7. Make arbitrary purchase decisions based on a product’s color. Always choose blue soap, and go for the golden kitchen towels, even if they are slightly more expensive.

8. Instagram everything. A picture of your dorm is just that until there’s a nostalgic filter on it. And you don’t actually have to go to the game if you just take a selfie and add #gameday.

9. Yell and scream and cheer anytime a hurricane gets mentioned on the Weather Channel.

10. Work really hard, get good grades, find a respectable job that makes you happy. Go TU.

“Carrie” remake a bloody success Released on Oct. 18, director Kimberly Peirce’s remake of the 1976 film “Carrie” stays true to the original, while successfully incorporating modern technology, such as YouTube, throughout the film.

Helen Patterson Staff Writer

The 2013 movie, “Carrie” is a remake of the iconic 1976 film (directed by Brian De Palma, starring Sissy Spacek as Carrie White and Piper Laurie as Margaret White).

Based on the novel by Stephen King, “Carrie” is the story of shy, outcast teenager Carrie White (Chloë Grace Moretz) who develops telekinetic powers following her first, unexpected period at seventeen.

Carrie is persecuted by her mother, Margaret White (Julianne Moore) and many of her classmates. In one climactic and iconic scene, she snaps and kills most of the students at prom after an illadvised prank covers her in pig’s blood, unleashing her psychic fury.

The remake does not stray much from the plot or even the settings of the original film. Many of the settings such as the run-down high school locker room, the school gym transformed into a dance floor and the small, stifling house where Carrie lives are not noticeably contemporary.

The biggest and most successful modernization of the movie is the incorporation of technology into the famous shower scene. In the remake, Carrie’s humiliation is not only witnessed by her classmates; it is also uploaded onto YouTube by her chief tormentor, Chris Hargensen (Portia Doubleday), and later broadcast at the prom follow-

ing the pig’s blood drenching. This threat of technology immortalizing our worst moments is a real one which modern audiences can relate to.

Though De Palma’s original had more artistry, the remake has beautifully shot sequences. Advances in technology help to make the deaths that Carrie inflicts on her former tormentors bloodier and more visceral, yet beautiful.

The remake is compelling because the narrative is character driven. In De Palma’s film, Carrie’s destruction at the prom is flat and impersonal as she indiscriminately kills. On the other hand, Moretz’s Carrie wreaks carnage and catches many bystanders in the crossfire, but her telekinetic rage is targeted against those whom she perceives as her tormentors.

The relationships that Moretz’s Carrie builds with the other women around her, especially with gym teacher Miss Desjardin (Judy Greer) and her mother, are less tenuous and abstracted than those of Spacek’s Carrie. This is helped by an excellent and layered performance by Moretz.

Additionally, more energy is devoted to fleshing out the motivations of secondary characters, such as Chris and of Sue Snell (Gabriella Wilde), whose personalities and choices sometimes seem more driven by fate and plot than by character in the original.

The director of the “Carrie” remake, Kimberly Peirce, seeks to more faithfully depict the tangled, ambiguous relationships and characters of women than De Palma, whose desire for the artistic sometimes undermines his characterization.

One major dissatisfaction is the last sequence which features Sue Snell visiting Carrie White’s grave with a rather cheesy voice over from Snell. It would have been better to end the film with Carrie’s death, although, modern horror movies in general are too concerned with tacking on trite epilogues.

opinion

the Collegian : 7

28 October 2013

Even cartographers need some direction If you are anything like the dashingly intelligent staff of the Collegian, you live in the world. In order to navigate the world effectively, a map is often necessary. Unfortunately, because the world is in fact a nearly spherical three-dimensional object embedded in a four-dimensional hyperplane, transferring that reality onto two-dimensional paper introduces problems both spatial and existential. In what is definitely not a poorly thought out compensation for a dearth of content, the charming staff of the University of Tulsa Collegian shall now regale you with the pros of their preferred style of maps.

For lovers of alphabet soup: T and O Map Walker Womack The issue of just how one is supposed to represent the near-spherical, three-dimensional world on a quite flat, planar surface—that is, a map—has led, naturally, to debate, some of a particularly nasty nature.

Proponents of the Mercator say their map is practical and easily implemented, while those of the Galls-Peter cry foul, claiming the inflations produced by the Mercator carry unfortunate political implications as to the significance, or lack thereof, of equatorial countries.

All of this is rubbish. For, although the muse and poet Madonna might have put forth that we are living in a material world, in truth we reside within a dualistic cosmos of a harmonious and ordered nature wherein that which we touch and behold carries spiritual and metaphorical significance.

Quite clearly, then, it is the projection put forth by Beatus of Liebana—elsewhere called the “T and O map” after its general shape—that must be reproduced and used by people everywhere, for it correctly illustrates the Holy City of Jerusalem as lying at the center of the globe—thus indicating that spiritual matters ought to occupy the center of man’s attention.

For that seemly city—which has been deemed sacred by Jew, Christian and Muslim alike—has

been home to more amazing and sundry marvels than of any city in the world, even more indeed than in Rome the divine, that imperial city which in ancient times did hold sway over all the nations of the earth; more also than in Alexandria, built by the very hands of that prince of men, Alexander of Macedonia; even more, methinks, than in Nyse, that golden city on the Isle of Pentexoire in which resideth and ruleth that great emperor Prester John in magnificence and resplendor.

On the periphery of the map, the three great continents—Asia, Europa, and Africa, whom, in ancient times, the founders of the nations divided amongst themselves to rule and govern as they saw fit—reflects the threefold divisions we find in nature—for who can dispute that which hath been so plainly demonstrated by Plato, who divided even the soul into three parts?

Moreover, displaying only one half of the world improves upon the messiness created by having to deal with seven continents, although the seemliness of that number is right noble indeed.

And be as it may that such a map as Beatus did put forth might cause difficulties in petty matters such as navigation, or the indication of the boundaries drawn by men, these things are trifles beneath those contemplative and spiritual benefits that could be reaped instead.

Photo courtesy of Wikimedia Commons

This Bunting clover leaf map is an ultra stylized version of the T and O map ideal, which places the Holy City of Jerusalem at the center of the world, which in turn makes Europe, Asia and Africa into arms of that city.

Nikki Hager

The Hokey-pokey of maps: inverted

Are you ready to have your world turned upside down? You won’t even know which way is up.

Australia is tired of being stuck in the lame bottom corner of any old map projection. Clearly the Southern Hemisphere is neglected.

The Inverted Map is Australia’s

revenge. Down under is down no more.

What if you were stuck in the bottom corner since the beginning of cartography? Everybody’s off paying attention to Europe, right there smack in the center. What’s so special about Europe anyway?

Do they have kangaroos and didgeridoos? The Inverted Map is Aus-

tralia’s opportunity to transform from a lowly, forgotten island to the very center of the globe.

It’s North America’s time to take a turn in the Outback.

We have found new zeal for this land.

With the inverted map, the answer is always south when you ask, “What’s up?”

Quantity certainly better than quality J.Christopher Proctor If you remember all the way back to grade school, the whole point of a map projection is to represent the surface of the globe (which is likely spherical) and representing it in only two demotions.

To do this, something must be sacrificed. Some maps preserve relative location, others preserve shape and still others manage to make Africa half of its actual size.

Some of these are better put together than others, and some are essentially useless (I’m looking at you Dymaxion and Waterman).

But to get a true understanding of how the world looks—without cheating and looking at a globe— one must be exposed to many projections. At once.

That is why I am proposing a new law requiring that in order to use a map in any public way a minimum of 10 additional projections must be displayed. Violators will be charged with crimes against humapity, and will be promptly

thrown off the edge of the earth.

The American people should have the opportunity to decide for themselves what projection they want to get their information from.

For too long greedy teachers, slimy journalists and nameless-facelessbureaucrats have tried control our perceptions of reality by propagating their preferred projections.

It is time we take a stand, and end this outrage. We will not let these petty distinctions between Mercators and Robinsons divide us. Resist those calling for map warfare and embrace the diversity of projections our country has to offer.

In short, if we want to save America we need maps and lots of them.

Mr. Proctor is a majority stock owner in multiple map printing firms.

Photo courtesy of Wikimedia Commons

The Dymaxion map is a projection of the globe onto an icosahedron which has then been flattened into two dimensions. Its aim is to represent the relative sizes of land masses accurately.

Kyle Walker

Everything in its place, according to its size

The fact of the matter is that the less practically useful a given map projection the better it is. Maps, my friend, are not for the uninitiated, and the discontinuous oceanic boundaries of my dear Dymaxion map are just the thing to send

the less cartographically inclined scurrying to the four (or, rather, 24) corners of the Earth.

True, it is intimidating, and it takes a certain skill to connect everything. The Dymaxion may not be the prettiest map, the dimensions are odd and the negative space distracting, but at least ev-

endorse the existence of this person with love, or reject and condemn this person? We must always consider the person.”

It makes sense to be excited about Pope Francis’ statements on homosexuality, specifically in comparison to Benedict XVI’s comments, which were certainly a little less welcoming.

It makes even more sense to be excited about a lot of the other things he has said and a lot of the things he has done.

In a recent interview, Pope Francis was asked, “Who is Jorge Mario Bergoglio?” which is his birth name.

He responded, “I am a sinner.”

This goes hand-in-hand with his comments concerning the lifestyle that a servant of the Church should have.

He chose to live in St. Martha’s House, an apartment building intended for guests of Vatican City as opposed to the ornate Papal Apartments, saying that “I chose to live here, in Room 201, because…the papal apartment in the Apostolic Palace…is like an inverted funnel. It is big and spacious, but the entrance is really tight. People can come only in dribs and drabs, and I

cannot live without people.”

Pope Francis is a Jesuit priest, which likely contributes to his interest in serving others.

The Society of Jesus’ theological basis is to attempt, in all situations, to do what Jesus would have done, based on His teachings.

Unlike many of his predecessors, Pope Francis is committed not to the fame or extremely comfortable lifestyle that could come with his being pope but to the people.

Upon hearing about a pregnant woman who had refused to get an abortion, despite her boyfriend’s pleas, Pope Francis phoned her.

Then he offered to baptize the baby.

He recently attended World Youth Day in Brazil.

Over 3.5 million people made the pilgrimage to Rio de Janeiro, giving them the opportunity to hear Pope Francis’ homily live.

The thesis: “…what is the Lord saying to us? Three simple ideas: Go, do not be afraid and serve.”

Pope Francis’ interest in reaching out to youth is apparent, not only in his attendance of World Youth Day but especially in his Twitter account.

erything is the right size and shape.

Mr. Walker is President, VicePresident and Treasurer of the Society for the Adoption of Difficult and Hard-to-Read but Relative Shape and Size-Preserving Map Projections.

Pope Francis emphasizes Catholic mercy

Christian thought, and the second largest religion in the world, was proclaiming acceptance of homosexuality and reproductive rights.

This is a bit of a misconception, though.

Although most of the world thinks that something has changed Tara within Catholic doctrine, at least Grigson Student Writer in modern history, it has always been exactly the same.

The Catholic Church has never approved of abortion or contraception, and has always been absoWhen Pope Francis I announced, lutely fine with homosexuality, as “We cannot insist only on issues long as no actual sex is involved. related to abortion, gay marriage This has not changed.

What has changed is the world’s and the use of contraceptive methunderstanding of what the Cathoods … it is not necessary to talk lic Church teaches about these isabout these issues all the time,” sues. there was an almost audible sigh In much the same way that the of relief across a very large part of Catholic Church has always taught the globe. the same things about homosexuLiberal Catholics were excited ality and reproductive rights, it that they could finally share their has also always taught the same views with their more conservathings about forgiveness and about tive Catholic friends. Nonpartisan mercy.

Catholics were excited to be part Any Catholic person who would of a church that had taken a projudge or condemn another person gressive stance on these issues. based on his or her lifestyle missed People with no ties to the Cathoan important memo. lic church at all were excited that As Pope Francis I put it, “When this religion, the largest school of God looks at a gay person, does he

Pope Francis’ refusal to emphasize socially conservative issues is in line with the Church’s teachings.

Pope Francis became the first pope to have a Twitter on Mar. 17, 2012. His handle is @Pontifex, and he generally tweets several times a week. On Oct. 7 he posted, “Mercy is the true power that can save humanity and the world from sin and evil.”

What is revolutionary about Pope Francis’ leadership of the Church is not his stance on homosexuality or reproductive rights. It is not his outreach to young people.

Rather it is his firm, all-encompassing belief in mercy. He has not changed Catholic doctrine. The Bible and the Catechism remain the same as before his papacy. He has just reminded people of the Church’s roots.

Religion is not ever about being better than other people nor is it not about living a better life than other people.

Religion is certainly not about judging other people. Religious belief should always be rooted in compassion for others: in serving with mercy the people who need your help.

Pope Francis did not invent Catholic mercy, he just made it famous.

28 October 2013

Opinion

the Collegian : 8

State of Texas crush es v otin g arguing that it violates the Voting Rights Act (VRA) because of potential discrimination.

However, the Supreme Court declared section four of the VRA unconstitutional in a 5–4 decision in June, so the law will go into effect in time for the Nov. 5 election.

On the face of it, voter ID laws Helen may not seem like a bad idea. EvPatterson eryone in a democracy should deStaff Writer sire to eliminate voter fraud while still encouraging eligible voters.

However, there are concerns that the new law will affect minority groups disproprtionately, making Texas has recently introduced a it more difficult for them to vote. new voter ID law which supportThe NAACP and The Mexiers claim is focused solely on can American Legislative Caucus ending voter fraud. Texas Attor- argue that the law discriminates ney General Greg Abbott has dis- against minorities who compose missed any difficulties which the the majority of citizens without a law presents, saying “Almost ev- valid form of identification. ery single person either has a valid Texas has theoretically adphoto ID … or it is very easy to get dressed the issue by offering Texas one.” However, this is not the case. Election Identification Certificates The new law in Texas requires to citizens who do not have one of that anyone casting a ballot pres- the required forms of ID but can ent a valid photo ID. Acceptable prove their citizenship. The proforms of ID include: a Texas cess of gaining these certificates driver’s license, personal ID card can be expensive and time conor concealed handgun permit, or a suming.

U.S. military ID card, citizen cerAt the least, it requires purchastificate or passport. There was op- ing a valid form of ID (the cheapposition from the Justice Depart- est is a birth certificate at $22 plus ment, which struck down the law, mailing fee), and traveling to an of-

A new Texas voter ID law will disproportionately affect women and minorities, and may prevent many from voting this election cycle.

fice of the Department of Motor Vehicles (DMV). Many lower income and minority citizens are less likely to have cars, and the nearest DMV office might be 250 miles away.

The difficulty of obtaining these certificates can be statistically verified: of the 600,000 to 1.4 million Texas citizens without a valid form of identification, the Dallas Morning News reports that only 41 have been issued certificates by the Texan government.

The Texas ID law will also disproportionately impact women.

Female voters make up slightly more than half of any potential constituency. However, as many as 34 percent of eligible female voters in Texas have changed their names following a marriage or divorce, and currently have no acceptable documentation that matches their voter registration cards.

The new ID law will make it difficult or impossible for them to cast their ballots this election cycle.

The case of 117th District Court Judge Sandra Watts helps to highlight the issue. When she tried to cast her early ballot on Oct. 21, she found herself facing the new law.

“What I have used for voter registration and for identification for the last 52 years was not sufficient yesterday when I went to vote,” she said to Corpus Christi’s local KIII-TV. The ID law could also affect transgendered men and women. It is estimated that 27 percent may not have IDs that reflect their current genders when they go to polls, which might keep them from voting.

Officials have been stressing that the laws are not inflexible.

“Poll workers are encouraged to look at the entirety of the ID,” says Alicia Pierce, a spokesperson for the Texas Secretary of State’s Office. “In most cases, if the names are similar but not identical, a voter can sign an affidavit certifying they are the same person.”

This requires bringing several different forms of identification and then relying on the whim of a poll worker. If the ID is deemed unsuitable, voters must fill out a provisional ballot which will only be

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s t h rig

counted if they can provide appropriate ID within six days to the county voter registrar. However, the money, time and effort to provide such documentation may make it prohibitive, if not impossible, for many to vote in this election cycle.

There is doubt regarding whether the ID law is even necessary.

Voter fraud should be decried by any democratic citizen, but it is not common.

The attorney general’s records of voter fraud in Texas indicate eighteen instances of confirmed voter fraud between 2002 and 2012. It does not make sense to potentially disenfranchise female, minority and transgender voters based on fewer than two confirmed cases of fraud a year.

Perhaps “Texas Monthly” senior editor Paul Burka was correct when he said, “I am compelled to point out that voter (ID laws are) a solution in search of a problem.”

editor-in-chief—J.Christopher Proctor managing editor—Kyle Walker news editor—Conor Fellin sports editor—Will Bramlett variety editor—Stephanie Hice opinion editor—Patrick Creedon satire editor—Anna Bennett photo & graphics editor—Jill Graves copy editor—Carly Putnam business & advertising manager—Liz Cohen distribution manager—Walker Womack web manager—Alex White aribitrary writer of the week—UC Riverside

Collegian: 9

28 October 2013

What’s between TU and downtown?

This PEARL E Admiral Blvd 244

E 3rd St

Bark at the Park

Nightingale Theater

Centennial Park

S Utica Ave

E 6th St

E 5th Ct

Made: The Indie Emporium Shop

E 4th St

E 5th St

S Rockford Ave

E 5th Pl

E 6th St

I Am Yoga E 7th St S Quincy Ave

East of the University of Tulsa on Sixth Street, in Tulsa’s Pearl District (spanning 1st Street to 11th Street), a vibrant mural featuring a pedestrian park, pearls and a woman on a bike was unveiled on Wednesday, October 23. The artwork is on the North side of the Tulsa Beef building, and a Tulsa Beef truck is appropriately painted into the corner. Across the top, it says, “Reinvent the art of city life,” and that is exactly what artist Josh Butts was commissioned to do.

Butts is a TU graduate who will soon join the TU faculty as a Photoshop instructor. He said that it took him about a month to complete the mural and that the Pearl District Association commissioned his artwork. He hopes that “public arts will expand in the area.”

The president of the Pearl District Association, Thom Crowe, is looking to make Sixth Street more “pedestrian-friendly.”

The Pearl District Association began as the Sixth Street Task Force, a group of area residents, property owners and business owners organized with the support of City of Tulsa leadership, including former mayor M. Susan Savage.

The plan to revitalize the Pearl District and give it its current name was adopted by Tulsa City Council in January 2006.

It came along the heels of early 2000’s downtown beautification projects, some of which include ONEOK field, the BOK Center, the Blue Dome district, the Brady Arts District and City Hall’s relocation to One Technology Center.

The plan for the Pearl District’s development depended on an urban planning technique called “infill,” which consists of renovating existing structures and building entirely new ones next to them.

Crowe is also the owner of a store in the district called Made.

Although originally an occasional booth around town at which local artists could sell their products, the idea evolved into a full-time store for locally made items.

Crowe pointed to The Phoenix, I Am Yoga, Clean Hands and Bark at the Park as developing stores and points of interest.

Matt Eber, Vice President of the Pearl District Association, talked about making the Pearl District a “link from TU into downtown,”

The Pearl District

E 2nd St

S Trenton Ave

Staff Writers

because a thriving downtown would not only benefit business, but also TU’s ability to attract potential students.

Because the area is prone to flooding, plans are in the making to create two more ponds (besides the one in the Centennial Park), and possibly even a pedestrian canal.

Blake Ewing, Tulsa City Council member and owner of The Phoenix as well as other downtown businesses, asserted that he has been willing to invest in the area because it “has a lot of potential.”

Ewing is happy with the success of The Phoenix, and glad that other businesses are also opening in the District, stating “a neighborhood needs neighbors.”

The Phoenix’s immediate neighbor is I Am Yoga, owned by Joe Picorale and Melissa Joy Cameron. Picorale said that the business plans on doing more than just yoga classes; other dance lessons will be provided as well.

Friday, Oct. 25, I Am Yoga hosted a Glow Yoga event for $20.

Glow paint, a dance show and a yoga lesson were provided. At its Grand Opening Nov. 2, I Am Yoga will offer yoga lessons, belly dancing, kid’s activities, and a potluck.

S Peoria Ave

Giselle Willis Oscar Ho

S Owasso Ave

Unveiled Wednesday, Josh Butts’ Pearl District-themed mural heralds the growth of this shining Tulsa neighborhood.

E 1st St

412

E 8th St E 8th St

E 10th St

' with live music every weekend, a private library with The Phoenix is a cafe used books for sale and free Wi-Fi. Breakfast, lunch and dinner can be found on its menu, with each meal named after a famous literary work.

Owner Blake Ewing once studied to become an English teacher, and his newest store channels a literary vibe.

Eclipse nightclub regularly hosts concerts, featuring acts like Piss Drunk & The Whiskey Pistols. All ages are welcome and there’s also free Wi-Fi. The Facebook page stresses that they have “REALLY COLD BEER.”

E 11th St

Map graphic by Jill Graves / Photos by Logan Miller

Clean Hands provides books, magazines, records, screen-printing supplies, graffiti supplies and shirts. On their website, you can create a t-shirt design of your own to make at the store. They recently collaborated with Booksmart Tulsa to create a mural inside Central Library.

The Lot 6 Art Bar features live music and local artwork. Owner Vanessa Somerville told Ray Tuttle of The Journal Record that she had difficulty getting her own art on display, so she decided to open her own art gallery.

Somerville had monthly art shows with food provided, and as people kept coming, she realized that she might as well turn it into a business.

28 October 2013

the

The State-Run Media

State-Run media Opacity is the new transparency.

Gol

die

’sak

ked

!

After serving as TU’s beloved ambassador for 74 days, Goldie was quietly dismissed from office last Thursday, Oct 24. The students and faculty alike are in an uproar, demanding that the University release more information on the circumstances behind the mysterious firing. So far, University Relations has remained silent, but there are unconfirmed rumors about an incident involving public urination.

Football makes tough cutbacks With the university falling on hard times, athletics must return to the bare necessities.

Helen Patterson Likes Sports

Graphic by Anna Bennett

Campus visitors were shocked to discover that most of the south end of campus is primarily made up of very convincing theater sets built to resemble engineering buildings.

The campus is a lie Thousands of parents and relatives of TU students shocked to learn that there is no school.

Patrick Creedon Conspiracy Theorist

This coming weekend parents and alumni will file onto campus to experience the annual excesses of the University of Tulsa’s Homecoming Weekend.

However, both groups will be surprised to learn that the University of Tulsa does not actually exist. At some point in the past half decade, students at TU collectively decided not to pay their tuition and have been funnelling money into a Student Association slush fund dedicated to sponsoring semester long parties.

No one is sure who is being

bribed at the Midwestern Higher Education Accreditation Board, as the students who have been graduating have still been receiving their diplomas despite not having gone to classes for anywhere between one and eight semesters.

The rampant growth that the University has been experiencing has also been found to be nothing but an act. Brand new academic buildings Rayzor Hall and Stephenson Hall have since collapsed, as investigation revealed that they were nothing but large cardboard cutouts deceptively printed out to look like fancy new buildings.

In fact, the only real buildings left on campus were found to be Chapman Hall and Collins Hall.

Junior “student” Leigh Zee mentioned that “We changed the Rayzor cut out a couple times to make it seem like things were actually happening there. We didn’t

change it for a week once, and the people at Sodexo and the Physical Plant just assumed we were all working really hard!”

Leigh then looked wistfully off in the distance muttering about how she wished she actually knew how computer science worked.

Reporters went to find university president Steadman Upham to question him about the lack of any actual academic development at the university in the previous five years.

When investigators broke down his office door in Collins Hall, they found a short, bearded vagrant named George talking to his hand. When asked who he was, the hand reported that SA hired him to impersonate Upham after ex-president Geoffrey Orsak was fired, as that would be cheaper than bribing Upham to keep the slush fund a secret.

Still reeling from his surprisingly unpopular decision to recycle Chapman and the resulting guerilla warfare being waged by A&S refugees, Upham made more enemies today when he announced that $100 billion would be cut from the athletic department.

Most of the money will be taken from the football program. “These are dark times for college football programs everywhere,” said Director of Athletics Derrick Gragg. “$100 billion is almost ten percent of our budget. Now the players are going to have to share suites when we have away games, and per diems will be down to $100 a person.”

Football players are equally irate about the new budget. “Do you have any idea how bummed I am that they’re doing this to us at homecoming?” said a senior

linebacker who must preserve his identity to avoid losing his $400,000 scholarship and lifetime supply of Nike gear. “Usually they rent out the top floor and roof of a fancy hotel and hire the Olympian Gods to descend from Mount Olympus and entertain us. Do you have any idea how good of a DJ Apollo is?” He brandished an anguished fist in the direction of this reporter. “Do You?!”

Many alumni only give money to TU because they take pride in the football team’s many accomplishments. “TU is the third best team in Oklahoma!” Yelled one wealthy former player as this reporter ran for her car. “We had to spend long and hard to make that dream a reality! And now they’re talking about ‘gross excesses’ and ‘overvaluation of sports in schools’ and ‘concussive brain damage.’ I played this noble sport for twenty years and I...who are you again?”

At press time, Upham was reconsidering his rash venture.

“Maybe we can just recycle Zink and Kendall and keep football funding at 100 percent. I sure would hate to miss out on those parties the Olympian Gods host.”

Photo by Logan Miller / Graphic by Anna Bennett

While many sports fans lament the necessary loss of solid gold football helmets, a few of the players have actually complained that the diamond-studded ball they practice with is impractically heavy.