FEATURE VOICES
F O R Y T O R NE A P
By Jonathan Ramirez I used to find myself visited by the feeling of loneliness. Even after I was on campus for a couple weeks, even after I surrounded myself with people who seemed to want the best for me, loneliness sat at the edge of my bed every night. It was a strange thing, really. This age, which was supposed to be marked by endless possibilities, was suddenly discolored by anxiety and homesickness. Turning eighteen and leaving home did not have
the allure it once did. The worst part was I knew about it. It seemed to me that being oblivious of the events that brought on emotional discomfort was a blessing, but I was cursed with a specific hell of being introspective. Of course, I didn’t blame myself entirely—at least not early on in the night as I sat on my bed coloring a blank page. The darker the night sky grew, the heavier it got to carry the reality of being by myself.
8 TUFTS 26 TUFTS OBSERVER OBSERVER FEBRUARY 28, 2022 SEPTEMBER 28, 2020
I knew my interests had a lot to do with this situation: I had not found people who shared the same cultural background as me, the same humor, or the same insecurities. I was not going to force myself to keep company for the sake of not being alone. However, the moment the clock struck midnight most nights, gloom hung over my eyes, and, only by closing them, could I see any clearer.
