Personal journal of bilinguality

PERSONAL JOURNAL OF BILINGUALITY

by Tuike Leila Sofia Tuominen

FOREWORD On “A personal journal of bilinguality�

This is a collection of thoughts, things, representations and tid-bits of information related to bilinguality and living knowing two languages, in this case Finnish and English.

While I might talk about Finns and refer to Finnish culture, these are my personal experiences and while they are likely felt by some other Finns as well, this is above all my personal outlook on the subject. All artwork has been produced by me, and is either more literal or quite abstract representation to the subject I am writing about, usually the main focus being letterforms, but there are exceptions to the rule.

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Table of contents pages 2-3

Foreword, Table of contents

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Searching for words

6-7

Alas (False friends A)

8-9

Fits like a fist in the eye

10-11

Home is where Finnish is (spoken)

12-13

Side of a side (False friends B)

14-15

Lost words

16-17

Small talk

18-19

Mixing it up

20-21

Learning words

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Dream language

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Afterword

SEARCHING FOR WORDS When you try to think of a word Searching for words is something everyone does, even if they only know one language - trying to find that certain expression or word is a struggle everyone faces every now and then. This piece tries to quite literally present the feeling of rummaging your brain and memory for that certain string of letters that could maybe replaced by another word, but would not leave you satisfied or happy with what you have said. The feeling is very much like flipping through a mental version of a vocabulary book and scanning its pages for the word, and sometimes you catch a glimpse of it, almost remember the word, and then it is lost again so very easily.

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ALAS, POOR GIRL “False friends” exhibit A “Alas” in English an exclamation used to show sadness, sorrow and grief. It is also used to show alarm and evil things having happened. In FInnish instead, “alas” means “down”, as in the direction. In Finnish language you can not literally say “You’re feeling down”, though similar expressions do exist. It would not convey the same meaning as in English, so while the meanings of the words still have a relation, they don’t mean quite the same.

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FITS LIKE A FIST IN THE EYE Finnish proverbs and their nature Finnish proverbs might sound violent, stark or even brutish to nonfinns, but it is completely normal and acceptable language to use in Finland. “Fits like a fist in the eye” (or “Sopii kuin nyrkki silmään”) is what Finns say when something is such a good fit, equivalent of “Fits like a glove”. While I think all languages have violent sounding idioms and proverbs, I think some of the sayings are unique to the Finnish mentality.

Some Finnish proverbs: A drop doesn’t kill and one doesn’t drown in a bucket (about using alcohol) A shitty journey but at least it got made One who remisnisces over old times gets a stick in the eye Greedy one has a shitty ending Angry like a bear that has been shot in the ass There would be work for an axe (when something needs to be corrected, usually harshly) Knife-scabbards began to clatter (There is going to be a fight, knives need to be prepared for a quick draw hence clattering) There is still room behind the sauna (To put off/execute. Since a sauna poses a risk to starting a fire, they were built away from houses. Anything happening behind sauna would be out of sight).

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HOME IS WHERE FINNISH IS When I go weeks without speaking Finnish While I do not often suffer from home-sickness even though I have been living in UK for almost two years now (with some vacation trips to Finland), I do quite miss the language sometimes. Just seeing and hearing it, while does not change the fact I am not standing on Finnish soil, helps a bit with the longing to go home. It is strange to realise that there have been days, weeks but hopefully not months when I have not uttered or typed a single word of Finnish.

There is a strange quality about Finnish language I miss, the occassional bluntness of it and how straightforward it can be - I mean, our word for “fridge” is jääkaappi, “ice closet”. It is often regarded as ugly language, but I think I have grown more appreciative of it over the years as I have gotten older.

It is the mistakes in my English that sometimes make me realise I am not a native of this country, even though I have gotten used to using the language, even if I am not fluent.

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SIDE OF A SIDE “False friends” exhibit B “Side” means “bandage” or “(emotional or material) bond” in Finnish. In English however, it means one of the surfaces of an object - or in a metaphorical sense, one can talk about “this side” and “the other side” of things. It seems like there is no bond - or “side” between these two words that are the exact same but mean something different. It might not seem like a very special word to get hung up on, but something about the relation or the lack of it between words side and side interest me.

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LOST WORDS When the word is on the tip of my tongue but I can’t remember it I can sort of feel the “shape” of the word, but can’t remember what exactly it is. I can only remember some bits and pieces of what the word feels and sounds like, and it is like connecting dots trying to rummage your memory for the word. There is a few points you can remember, but the word itself escapes you.

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SMALLTALK Finns don’t understand the concept of smalltalk Smalltalk as a concept is alien, unfamiliar to Finns, and the stereotype of Finnish people being quiet is not entirely false.

Silence is a part of the conversation for many Finns, me included. A lot of Finns will also be immediately alarmed if strangers talk to them; be the place an elevator, bus stop, or anywhere else, strangers do not generally talk to each other in Finland unless there is a good reason to. Finns also do not see the point of having small talk; even the guide to Finnish customs on “Finland.fi” tells you that one’s words are valued heavily in Finland, so unnecessary talk is kept to minimum, and if there is nothing of value to say you should be silent.

While saying “Are you alright?” might be more of a greeting than a question in some other countries, Finns do usually not know the question is not supposed to be actually answered.

This is very confusing to me as a Finn personally, even though I now know these are questions asked out of politeness, I find it hard not to start answering properly. On the other hand, I have also heard that people of other nationalities have to pry answers out of Finns, because typically our replies can be quite short and we don’t elaborate if not asked.. I’m a typical Finn in the way that I will rather do anything but having to vocally ask for something.

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MIXING IT UP Words that I frequently mix up despite their differences kettle - kattila (saucepan) pill - pilli (straw) mattress - matto (carpet) apple - appelsiini (orange) orange - omena (apple) side - sivu (page)

Even though I know better than to get those words mixed up, it still happens. It is not just with words that this happens; despite sometimes knowing how something should be pronounced, or how to say something with correct grammar, it is like you are physically rejecting the knowledge and might omit words you know you should say, or pronounce them in a certain way despite knowing how to pronounce it correctly. It is a weird feeling. Sometimes these mistakes are very rough, beginner’s mistakes, but you still can not help the way your mouth wants to move when speaking in second language, even if you really want to speak as correctly as possible. It likely has something to do with trying to adapt to the structure of another language, though your mind has adapted your body might be stuck in old routines of speaking your native llanguage.

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LEARNING WORDS Words sinking into your consciense Of course, letting something sink in is not an unusual metaphor for learning something, it is a common expression.

It is a very accurate one too; you might not even remember half the stuff that you have learned, thrown into the ocean of your mind, before you read a word maybe for the first time in your life used in context instead of a textbook. Words and phrases you would think you had forgotten but they resurface suddenly, despite maybe never having been used before in reality. Information seems to be stored somewhere very deep where it will exist, often times without you even putting effort into remembering the meaning of a word or thinking you would never need it, it just is there, sitting on the bottom of the ocean that is human mind.

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DREAM LANGUAGE When asleep, Finnish and English are one It is interesting to try and ponder whether language barriers or languages in general truly exist in dreams. One time when I was napping and my English partner tried to talk to me, it seemed as if Finnish and English were the same language in my mind. Half-asleep I replied to what they asked in Finnish.

Even when my partner asked “what” numerous times, as they couldn’t understand me, I continued speaking in Finnish, unable to understand why they couldn’t understand me. It was only when he asked me what in Finnish (“mitä”) that I subconsciously realised this person does not normally speak Finnish, and immediately replied to them in English.

This happened again later and it has happened the other way around while being drowsy on the backseat of a car, me talking English to my Finnish parents. These sleepy conversations always seem to be sort of foggy and hard for my mind to realise to switch languages, sort of like a curtain is drawn in the front of my mind.

In my dreams, it also seems that everyone can

understand each other despite different languages - maybe that is the reason why I assume people understand me whichever language I’m speaking in while I’m half-asleep.

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AFTERWORD About the cover With this journal, I hope I have offered an interesting insight into how I feel about these two languages and some fun or helpful information on how me and Finnish people view language. The patterns of the cover of this book were based on the letters å, ä and ö, which do not exist in the English alphabet. This is one fundamental difference in the two languages, and representing how some of the things from each language can seem alien to us, unrecognizable, but we can still appreciate the differences even if we don’t fully understand.

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