Joan Marcus and Nora Marcus-Hecht

She/hers

Have you ever held two identities that felt irreconcilable? And how did you handle it?

Joan: I spend much time grappling with and trying to reconcile my identities. One of the ways I explore this is through my writing, specifically in my memoir, which touches on themes of mental health and anxiety, as well as my Jewish identity. For me, being Jewish is intertwined with the process of working through mental health issues. However, at the same time, I also have conflicting desires when it comes to community. On the one hand, I crave the sense of belonging that comes with being part of a community, especially one that is inclusive, like the one at Kol Haverim. Yet, on the other hand, a part of me resists the idea of joining any institution or group, and this tension between wanting to belong and not being a joiner is an irreconcilable part of my identity.

Nora: I feel like Judaism has always been the irreconcilable identity. Growing up with primarily non-Jewish friends, I was often singled out as "the Jew" and compared to characters like Mort Goldman from Family Guy. It felt like they put me into this little niche box that made me different from others. But, at the same time, I always felt like I wasn't Jewish enough. For example, my Jewish friends would ask me why I ate pork, and I didn't have a good answer. I knew I was Jewish but wasn't Jewish enough for some.