Joan Marcus and Nora Marcus-Hecht

She/hers

Have you ever experienced being in a space where you felt like you were not Jewish enough?

Nora: I can relate to not being Jewish enough in certain spaces. It's something I've experienced all the time. Initially, I remember being hesitant to join Hillel, thinking it was only for people more serious about their Jewish identity than I was. I was a selfhating Jew for a long time because of that, which I've explored in my writing. So it's been a big question for me, how did I become so cynical about something that now brings me so much joy? And how did I get out of that mindset? I don't have a clear answer, but I resisted pretty much everything Jewish for a while.

Joan: Except you really wanted a Bat Mitzvah, even though we told you, ‘You know, you don’t have to.’

Nora: I really did want it. I did a Humanist Bat Mitzvah, where I came out to my friends and family. It was one of the best days of my life, and I think about it a lot. I think that was one of the first times that I felt incredibly connected to Judaism, even though I didn't memorize the Torah portion. My service was just me reading analytical essays that I wrote. It was a lot of work. It wasn't traditional, but I felt very Jewish and connected to my culture.

Nora: Growing up, I always felt like I was walking a tightrope between not being Jewish enough and being too Jewish. Even in high school, when I attended an alternative school with a significant Jewish population, I still felt like an outsider. This feeling of not belonging to either side made me cynical towards Judaism for a long time. It wasn't until the Scott Fried Zoom bombing incident, where I was directly targeted, that I realized I needed a Jewish community to cope with the trauma. Writing about it in my memoir helped me understand my identity and recognize the importance of finding a community that accepts me for who I am.