Pauline Gordon: Alive and in the Moment

that she treasured, “because it gave me some alone time. When you are raised in an institution, all you long for is some privacy.”

“Throughout my life, some of the bigger anguishes would have led me on a different path, but I’ve learnt it’s the little things that make it so much easier to bear.”

Thusshe treasured the skills she accumulated, and bears gratitude towards elders like Billy Day, Emma Dick, Herbert Dick, Rosie Albert and her uncle David Roland, who were kind to her, and supported her when began her path as an educator. “My role as educator helped me to become a healthy person. In order to teach the primary grades, I had to demonstrate that I was well. There were times I really struggled, going into SAMS School as a teacher…especially when I went through the Catholic wing, sometimes I’ll have flashbacks.”

“In residential school we were told we were sinners, that our parents were sinners…so I always have to remind myself, no I am not…Everyday I would smile and think, well, you know, I could let the system do me in, or I could remember to be the way my dad was, the way father Posha was, the way Mr. Elliot was, the way our elders are now…So many injustices were done and they still persevere.”

“My students also taught me love means so much more with action than with words. Love is not this thing that’s really big or hard to accomplish, it’s the little gestures; being invited to their weddings, being treated like you are somebody in their lives. It’s so special, I have nothing but good to say about what the education system has done for me as an adult.”

“Iwas asked why I became an educator, despite it being an education system that did us in. And I thought, it would be so much easier if I could just cast blame and be angry.” She felt conflicted about “becoming part of an institution that took away our sense of being and our language…But I also recognized that I could help create change.

I didn’t want my kids and my grandkids to go through what I went through.” When Pauline had fears about moving to Yellowknife for work, she went to Herschel Island to find her roots. Lucy Inglangusuk and Rosie Albert helped Pauline see her mother’s accomplishments. “Even a week before she was diagnosed with cancer, she was out on the Island, she had her caribou for the year, and she was wondering how to get her berries. I never saw all those skills she had…I have so much to thank my mother for…”

“Iknow she loved us, but I think she didn’t know how to show it, after losing almost all of us to residential school.” Pauline’s mother and some siblings used “alcohol as a way of survival,” against the emptiness they felt, but fortunately recognized each other’s pain and resolved some of their issues. When her mother became ill, she requested Pauline to accompany her to Edmonton for treatment. Pauline had an “aha” moment when her mother “wouldn’t let me out of the [hospital] room.”

“I wanted to go to the bathroom so badly, but she was just deathly afraid of being alone in the institution and I could relate. And I was thinking, oh my gosh, this is why I need to be here. I realized later she was trying to make amends.” Now, her family is beginning to celebrate their mother’s accomplishments and strengths.

“You have to realize we were never taught parental skills, and parenting is so much more than feeding and sheltering.” Pauline realized she too sometimes “reverts to anger if my kids didn’t follow rules”. She juggled her personal life, parenthood, marriage and career, “blocking out” her emotions until her children were more grown up. She found the inability to express emotion a common problem for former residential school students. Some relatives found they “did not know how to cry” to release their sorrow at funerals, even if they really wanted to.

“I struggled with [this interview] last night. I thought, how could I prepare myself? There is no way…look at what just happened, I broke down…I KNOW I shouldn’t have apologized for crying, that’s the institution in me. The ME today should have just said “I needed to cry, it’s ok. It’s healthy.”

Pauline is inspiring others through her determination and humor. She strives to live in the moment. “I had to do a session with the principals in Behchoko the other day. “

“As I drove in, I thought, oh my gosh, this is so special. I could drive first of all because somebody invented Lycra and my jeans are expandable, and at my age I need expandable material.”

“And secondly, it was a wonderful day. I saw a female buffalo and her little one, and they were looking at me.

I thought, oh this is so rich! Where else can you get to see wildlife and green before you do a presentation? I was also playing a CD, and I heard Eunice Mitchell playing the harmonica. And I thought, you know what - if Eunice could play harmonica at her age and be happy, who am I to even question my ability to present to principals about education, and to maybe even have a little impact on somebody’s life?”

Cindy Voudrach’s instructors at Aurora College say she is “a leader of today and one to watch in the future,” and awarded her the Staff to Student Legacy Award to stress their belief in her abilities. She was also recently announced as a winner of the Council of the Federation Literacy Award. When Cindy first enrolled in the Adult Literacy and Basic Education (ALBE) program two years ago, she did not know that it would be a new beginning for her.

One of her children began attending kindergarten, and she found it hard to co-ordinate that with looking after her two younger ones at home. It made her decide to go to school herself, so that her younger children can go to daycare. "I thought my daughter and me might as well both get an education," she said.

Cindy completed her studies from a Grade 6 to Grade 12 level in two years, and is now ready for post secondary studies. Her commitment to learning had a strong influence on her family; her niece has returned to school as well.

“In High School, I was always shy. I tried to have fun, but I was pretty much by myself. My daughter was like me then, but now she’s a lot better after getting an education.”

“I was the master of ceremonies at the completion ceremony, I never thought I would be able to present in public like that.” However, she volunteered for the job when no one else would take it on. “I was actually very comfortable on stage, I thought I would get hot, nervous or shaky, but I was good.”

“When I got the Staff to Student Legacy Award I was so proud of myself that I got this far, and then the other award arrives, and it’s a national award! I wanted to make my family proud. I do thank my family, my friends, and my instructors for supporting me. My family supported me in every way. They helped me pay for their diapers and more. EC & E was a great help too.”

The single mum is now going to begin the Office Adminstration Program, which will allow her to work in an executive position on graduation.

She might go south to further her education when her children are more grown up. She wants to take financial or management courses. For now, she would rather study in Inuvik. Ever since her completion of the ALBE course, she feels a sense of purpose and independence.

“I’ve always been dependent on my husband, and being separated is hard. I was young when we met and I learnt to depend on him; he was my provider, my supporter, he was everything to me. All of a sudden the person I depended on is gone. I struggled through raising my kids, I had one in kindergarten, two in diapers. I was struggling financially but I kept my cool and did what I could to survive.”

As for her teachers saying she is a “future leader”, she said, “I believe it can happen. I have the confidence to work with people. Dealing with tourists (She now works at Arctic Nature Tours), I really realize that, because you get the odd tourist who is unhappy about a situation, and you have to learn to not take it personally. I try to deal with it professionally instead of getting upset myself.”