Tuff Talks: Confronting Racism at Home

Tu Talks: Confronting Racism in Your Home

A guide to talking about race with your elders

STORY BY AUSTIN WEATHERMAN ART AND DESIGN BY ALYSSA NICOLE MAUN

From police shootings, protest coverage, and former President Donald Trump, the news encouraged home conversations about race and politics. Given this you may have witnessed a family member commit an act of racism and didn’t know how to go about talking to them about it.

Confrontation can be an intimidating path to walk, but if it’s done in a civil way, all parties can leave the conversation satisfi ed.

Assistant professor in the human communications studies department at Cal State Fullerton, Tara Suwinyattichaiporn, explained that there is a six step process to confronting your family about tough topics, such as racism, that will lead to a civil discussion.

1) Be aware that having di erences is normal

Before you are able to confront the issue at hand, you need to realize that everyone has di erent points of view on any particular subject.

Suwinyattichaiporn explains that this is necessary in order to avoid the temptation of being angry and upset with your family members. It’s normal to have di erences within a family.

“Individual freedom means we all have the independence to believe in whatever we want to,” Suwinyattichaiporn, who also teaches relational communication and leads the CSUF Civil Dialogue public-forum events on campus, said. “And what comes with individual freedom is di erences and this includes generational di erences in our beliefs.”

Action: Try to be understanding of the opposing member’s backgrounds and remember not all of society has changed with the times.

2) Identify the specifi c di erence

“Identify exactly what it is that they do or how they behave that bothers you,” Suwinyattichaiporn said.

Without letting your family member know exactly what they do that upsets

you, whether that’s racial slurs or behaving di erently around diverse people, they will never know that their actions are a ecting you and the people this is targeted to.

Action: Take account of when your family members do something racially charged to be able to bring up during the conversation.

3) Validate their beliefs and perspective

Validating other’s di erent points of view is key to building bridges within your family unit, Suwinyattichaiporn said. Letting people know that their experiences are accepted will allow them to be more receptive to your experiences.

“Validation goes both ways, it should be reciprocal,” Suwinyattichaiporn said. “So you should validate your family, your family should validate you.”

Action: Validate other’s views by understanding through phrases like, “I can see why you think that way,” or “I can see why you feel that way.”

4) Become the dialogue

Explain your experiences to show them the di erences between your lives and uses, having diverse friends as an example, Suwintattichaiporn said.

“‘I know you didn’t have diverse friends back in your day, but now I do have diverse friends now,’” Suwinyattichaiporn said. “‘When they come over, this is what you do and this is how it makes me feel.’”

Action: Express your position on the issue and present your feelings, civilly.

5) Ask questions

Understanding their history will allow you to hear what they experienced in their life and understand their actions.

Asking them why they feel the way they do or think the way they do will hopefully help you understand your family’s history, and the cultural context for how they express themselves.

Action: Ask questions like “Why do you feel like that? What happened to make you feel this way?” to gain a better understanding of your family member’s history on the topic.

6) Resolution

When coming to a resolution, Suwinyattichaiporn says there are two options for you: agree to disagree with civility or come to a consensus.

“The key is that both people kind of start to understand each other and compromise and they come to understand that, ‘OK, this particular common ground is best to go with,’” Suwinyattichaiporn said.

Action: End the discussion by coming to a consensus or agree to disagree with on good terms.

On top of these tips, Cecil Chik, the Diversity, Inclusion, and Equity Programs director of engagement and learning, said the department helps students build the skills to have those hard conversations, both on campus and at home.

“(Our department is) building folk’s skills and awareness of themselves so that they can be in a position to have that conversation,” Chik said.

The department is now o ering the “Inclusion Champion” certifi cate program which teaches students to be more self aware and engage in practical opportunities to expand their cultural awareness and those around them amongst other learning objectives.

To fi nd out more information and to sign up and become a “inclusion champion,” visit the department’s website hr.fullerton.edu/diep/.

TU SK